A/N: Just a quick shout out to my lovely consistent reviewer ReySkywalker112. I love your reviews and would totally love to discuss them with you, but I keep forgetting you have messaging turned off. If you want a reply, I'd be happy to do one in an author's note at the start of each chapter. Let me know in your next review.
As for your continued hope that Felicity lives… Uh… I don't think you'll like these next few chapters.
Before anyone points it out, I changed the doctor's name from Aleth to Aletha. I just thought it was a little more feminine and I liked it better.
Also, yeah, this is going to be a tough chapter. Reader discretion is advised.
The Long Way Home
Chapter Seven
Felicity's Sacrifice
It was an ordinary day on Jakku when the First Order arrived. A fearsome display of soldiers, ships, and weapons. At first it was worried that it was some sort of attack or raid or that the many criminals of Jakku had been found in some elaborate sting arranged by Plutt. But much to everyone's surprise, the chrome suited Captain leading the charge was merely there to interrogate the whereabouts of a brunette woman and her child.
"Sorry, haven't seen them," a scavenger named Ivano Troade shrugged. "Although, the little one would be useful for getting in small ducts and conduits. I should look into that."
"Oh yeah, I've definitely seen them," Jarex Zolhar, another scavenger grinned. "Now about that reward?"
Phasma quickly discovered Jarex actually had no knowledge of the girls and was just trying to scam the reward out of her. She ordered that her soldiers beat a lesson into him that he'd never forget.
"I haven't treated a child in ages," Doctor Aletha Kymeri told Phasma while tending to Jarex's wounds.
Aletha had a policy not to give out information about her patients, no matter how hard her arm was twisted. She was from a more civilized planet where doctor-patient confidentially was a legal obligation, and that was habit she had been unwilling to give up after getting stuck on Jakku.
"A child in these parts? How ridiculous," a scavenger named Mashra shook her head when she was interrogated at one of Plutt's washing tables.
"And what of this woman?" Captain Phasma pulled out a hologram of Felicity Rhiaon Skywalker. After a myriad of encounters and scuffles between the two, Phasma wanted nothing more than to overtake Rhiaon and finally declare herself the champion of their rivalry. "She is a very dangerous criminal who must be subdued."
Mashra looked up at Phasma in amusement, "Honey, if you're on the hunt for dangerous criminals, you'll have your pick of the litter here on Jakku. Now make yourself useful and hand me that brush."
Phasma slammed her hand down on the brush before the Aqualish could grab it. Even behind her emotionless helmet, Phasma looked intimidating as her chrome suit shone in the sunlight.
"Answer the question, scavenger or I'll arrest you for withholding evidence," Phasma snapped, her voice still elegant behind her voice modulator.
"Is there a problem here?" someone asked.
Phasma turned to see a great blob of an alien staring her down surrounded by several intimidating looking creatures no doubt of ill repute. Of course, Phasma knew she could take them all down in seconds, but they hardly seemed worth her time.
"Shiny's just giving me a few problems, Plutt," Mashra unaffected by Phasma's display grabbed the brush and started using it on her salvage. "Asking me about a wanted woman. I warn you, Plutt, you better not charge me for my time at the table she's wasting."
"Just this once," Plutt would have usually fought Mashra tooth and nail on the discount, but the shiny Stormtrooper concerned him. "Ma'am, I must ask you not bother my customers."
"Sir, I will bother them if I wish," Phasma turned her focus on Plutt, "and I suggest you cooperate with me if you wish to keep the peace."
"Now you listen here-"
"Perhaps you can help my search. We are offering a reward."
"A reward?" Plutt perked up. "What are we looking for? I know every criminal in town and where you can find them."
"Have you seen this woman?" Phasma held up the hologram of Felicity. "She's traveling with a young girl. I do not have an image of the child, but reports indicate she is almost the mirror image of her mother."
"She is that," Unkar thought. He considered his options. Why wait for Lover Boy to deal him a reward when Lover Boy seemed the be taking his sweet time, and the First Order could deliver one today?
Then again, Lover Boy was Luke Skywalker. Though Felicity refused to speak of her husband's finances, there was no doubting his was a much pricier meal ticket than some wannabe Imperial. Not to mention Plutt had heard the stories of the Hutt gang who had crossed Skywalker, and attacked his friends. There was no telling what Skywalker would do to someone betraying his wife and child.
"Never seen her," Unkar shook his head.
Phasma chuckled, "That, Plutt is a bold faced lie."
"And what makes you say that?" Unkar sounded nonchalant, but inwardly was scrambling to figure out where he messed up.
"You have seen her."
Phasma paused and looked back at Mashra. She was unsure if she should reveal Felicity's identity in front of the scavenger. Mashra however, had completely tuned Phasma and Plutt out, and was even shooting them the occasional glare.
"This woman's name is Felicity Rhiaon," Phasma continued. "Felicity Rhiaon Skywalker to be exact. Twenty years ago she came to this planet with a man named Diego Nalto. The two of them worked for you for a month. Think hard: Rhiaon. Felicity Rhiaon."
"Not ringing a bell," Unkar shook his head. "Listen, Sweetheart, you can't actually expect me to remember someone who worked for me briefly twenty years ago. I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday."
"Imperial rations," one of the goons suddenly put in.
"Thank you, Dirk," Unkar rolled his eyes while the goon next to Dirk smacked him. "But my answer hasn't changed: I haven't seen that woman or her kid in the past twenty years. Now if you don't mind, I'm a very busy man with lots to do. Good luck with your search."
Phasma glared at Plutt, "I'll be watching you."
"I'm sure you will," Unkar grinned.
With that, Phasma turned on her heel and stormed off.
"Roke!" Unkar snapped at the closest goon. He leaned in close and whispered, "Spread the word quickly, anyone who gives up Rhiaon will be dead by nightfall. Her husband's far too loaded for us not to tap into his resources. And get me a speeder and some rations. I think it's high time to pay Mrs. Skywalker a little visit."
"Oof!" Felicity was woken up by a heavy bag landing on her body.
"Rise and shine, My Girl!" a voice called.
Still half asleep, Felicity grabbed the blaster at her side and pointed it at the intruder.
"Hey, don't shoot!" the voice exclaimed.
Felicity's eyes focused and revealed that Unkar Plutt was standing at the entrance of the walker. She groaned, setting down the blaster and shoved aside the duffle bag he had thrown at her.
"Mommy?" Rey whimpered from the hammock, clutching her pilot doll tightly. "Are we in trouble?"
"No, it's just Plutt," Felicity assured Rey. "Although he's going to be in trouble pretty quick if he doesn't explain the rude awakening. Seriously, you throw a bag at me while I sleep? You just lost a hundred credits from your reward for that. And why is that bag so heavy?"
"It has two weeks of rations in it," Plutt explained. "Enough for you and girl. I can't come out here to bring you rations or messages for a while."
"We had a deal, Plutt," Felicity glowered at him "You promised I wouldn't have to go into Niima."
"Trust me, Niima's the last place you should be right now."
"And why's that?"
"Because the First Order decided to make a visit today."
Felicity shot onto her feet, "The First Order?"
"Mommy, are the bad people here?" Rey asked fearfully.
"No, of course not," Felicity grinned at Rey. She turned back to Plutt and jerked her head towards the exit. "Can I have a word?"
"Ladies first," Plutt extended an arm to the exit.
"When did they get here?" Felicity asked the second they were outside.
"Yesterday morning," Plutt answered. "I would have come sooner, but it's hard not to draw attention when you go into the desert with a bag of rations."
"I assume the bag of rations means you want me to stay put for two weeks and hope they leave?"
"I've already made it clear to my customers that if they want to continue to eat they'll not say a word about you or the girl."
"Never thought you cared that much about us," Felicity sarcastically shot.
Plutt grinned, "The only thing I care about is the reward Lover Boy is going to give me and I've invested far too much in you two to turn you over to the First Order. Besides, Skywalker's much richer than the First Order. Is it true he personally financed the Jedi Order?"
"For the last time, Plutt, I'm not discussing my family's finances," Felicity warned. "Do you really think the First Order will leave in two weeks?"
"You have more experience with them than me. What do you think?"
Felicity sighed, "I need you to call Luke."
"Tried. They're blocking all calls."
Felicity muttered a swear, the origin language of which she had long forgotten.
"I suggest you just wait, hope, and if Skywalker doesn't show up, I'll see you in two weeks."
Felicity had no choice, "I guess I'll see you in two weeks."
No one knew what to make of the Stormtroopers that swarmed Niima Outpost. There were many rumors about their reason for being there: they were there to inspect that old Imperial science station or whatever that random military base thing hidden several ridges over was. Some thought they were there to salvage old Imperial artifacts leftover from the Battle of Jakku.
"Good luck," the scavengers would snicker as they saw teams bring out scanners. Much of the good stuff have be found a long time ago.
But most rumours centered on the image of a woman and young girl that was shoved in the face of everyone who had the misfortunate of interacting with a First Order officer. Some had seen the girls: human, pale skin, brown hair, hazel eyes, looking too well-fed, and under the protection of Unkar Plutt.
The theories about them were abundant: they were spies, foreign royalty, thieves, con artists, slaves, a defected First Order officer and her secret love child with another officer. There was even one crazy story that the girls were the wife and child of the mythical Jedi Grandmaster Luke Skywalker.
None of these theories were shared with the First Order, however. While there was no law on Jakku, there was a sense of order and a set of rules everyone would follow. The most important rules were: 1 – you didn't ask about other people on Jakku, and 2 – you certainly never gave someone up unless it was in your best interest.
And screwing over someone under the protection of the man in charge of your food supply was definitely not in anyone's best interest.
Of course, not everyone was intimidated by Unkar Plutt and his cronies. Generally, they were the people who had enough honour not to surrender a mother and child to a faceless military organization.
"Never seen 'em," Quom Tinadar lied when the First Order barraged into his mechanic tent. Pulling himself on a small scooter underneath the broken speeder he was fixing, Quom felt sympathetic to no nonsense Jyn Erso and her little Miracle Girl. "People like that – especially people with kids – don't stay on Jakku long. They tend to find the first transport and get the hell off this dust ball. If they were here, they're long gone by now."
"If you see or hear anything, you will let us know," Phasma ordered.
"Absolutely," Quom said.
As he fiddled with the machinery he heard the soldiers trample out of his tent. Sighing, Quom pulled himself back out from under the speeder and watched the soldiers outside from the flap of the tent.
It would take a miracle for that little girl and her mother to escape the First Order, and if Quom knew anything, there was no miracles on Jakku.
A thought suddenly occurred to him: if it was discovered that he had helped them, Quom could be in a lot of trouble. But that wasn't possible, right? There was no evidence to implicate him, no proof that he had ever interacted with Jyn and Rey Erso.
Nothing except for the rings.
Scrambling to her feet, Quom crossed to a small cabinet in the tent where he kept various odds and ends. The top drawer locked, and it was where he had kept the rings. Sure enough, there they were shining brightly in the top drawer.
Quom couldn't help but admire how well they had been taken care of. Jyn Erso had clearly loved the rings, thoroughly cleaning and polishing her rings on a regular basis.
Whoever gave them to Jyn must have loved her pretty fiercely as well. The golden engagement ring had no less than nine diamonds on it: one large one in the middle that was a little more than one carat, then two smaller ones on each side, and then a further three on either side each the size of a stylus tip. The clarity and quantity of them indicated that the giver had been well off, yet the sizes suggested he still had a sense of modesty.
But it was the touch of personality of the wedding bands that intrigued Quom the most. Engraved on the inside was the phrase: Thank you. Anytime.
He wondered what it meant. Was it some kind of code? A phrase they used often? The first words they ever said to each other? Quom was tempted to track down Jyn and as her about it. However, he refrained as he felt asking the meaning of the engraving on the wedding ring he extorted from her would probably just get him slapped.
Quom sighed; he felt guilty about taking the rings. After all the rough and tumble people who Quom had to deal with on Jakku, he just assumed that demanding someone's wedding rings as payment was acceptable. But these Erso girls weren't from Jakku, and he had taken advantage of Jyn's desperation for a miracle.
Making up his mind, Quom opened another drawer and found a piece of string. He threaded the rings through it and tied it around his neck before tucking it into his shirt. Wearing the rings around his neck solved too problems for Quom. First, the First Order wouldn't find it if the raided his tent. Second, he had quick access to them for the next time he ran into Jyn Erso.
Because the next time he saw Jyn Erso, he was going to give her back her wedding rings.
It was the least he could do for the woman who taught him to believe in miracles again.
"They've moved on to the sacred villages," Plutt declared to Felicity two weeks later as he dropped off the next set of rations. "I don't know what's going to happen when they reach the end of Pilgrim's Road and find nothing. But if something doesn't happen soon, they're going to set up camp permanently and then we're all in trouble. Jarex Zolhar almost gave you up, you know."
"Who is Jarex Zolhar, and why does he want to give me up?" Felicity frowned as she sat next to Plutt on the hill outside the walker.
Rey was safely asleep in her hammock, oblivious to Plutt's visit. It was for the best, Felicity had always hated the way Plutt stared at her, and he had made one too many comments for Felicity's liking on how much Rey looked like her. She would keep Rey and Plutt apart as much possible.
"A two-bit scavenger who thinks he's entitled to whatever he wants," Plutt answered. "Pain in the ass, but always sells a damn good haul. You would have been done for if he actually had anything to tell the First Order."
"Why won't they leave?" Felicity sighed.
"They know you're here," Plutt answered. "There's this really shiny one who is determined to find you. Keeps bugging my customers, and when they're not profitable, I'm not profitable, and then we have a problem. Shiny's been on my case from the start. I think she knows something's up."
"Shiny?"
"Her suit is chrome."
Felicity put her head in her hands, "Of course, Phasma is here. Can't that woman just leave me alone? I have enough to deal with right now."
"Not to be brash, but there is a little business I've meaning to discuss with you. If something were to happen to Lover Boy, you still have a way of paying me, right?"
Felicity glared at Plutt, "Do you want me to shoot you?"
"Funny, Sweetheart."
"Do not call me Sweetheart!" Felicity snapped. Only Luke was allowed to call her that. "And yes, I do have something I can pay you with."
"Wh-"
"No, I'm not tell you where I keep it."
"Damn."
Felicity sighed, "They're not going to leave are they?"
"The only way they're leaving is if they have you on board," Plutt said.
Felicity refused to believe it; there had to be something she could do to get them to leave.
The only question was: could she do it?
Felicity would be lying if she said the thought never occurred to her. It would cross her mind in the black of night when Rey was asleep and Felicity allowed herself to cry. The nights when she was cold, sad, and missing her husband.
But it was a dark thought, one she refused to allow stay in her head for very long. It was a remnant of those dark days when she battled postpartum depression in secret, avoiding treatment and allowing the condition to worsen due her to pride not allowing her admit she had a problem. Those dark days when she allowed the condition to get so bad that an accidental moment of neglect had nearly taken the life of her precious daughter. The incident she never spoke of.
Felicity did not like to dwell on the memories of those days. She had secretly held on to the thought that the incident she never spoke of made her a terrible mother. It was why Felicity always pushed herself to be constantly ensuring Rey was taken care of. She had fought so hard against her depression to accept that just because she made a few mistakes didn't make her a bad mother and that as long as she did things to keep Rey safe, she would be a good one.
Then why did it seem that in that situation with the First Order on their tail, the only way Felicity could be a good mother was to be a bad one? Why did the thought of a horrific act keep entering her mind? And why did it seem to be the only way to keep Rey safe?
As Felicity laid under her blanket, a hand absentmindedly stroking the material of Luke's flight suit, she wondered what her husband would do in this situation. Would he take the selfish choice to stay behind with Rey or would he make the sacrifice required of the best choice?
Felicity didn't need to wonder though; the question had been answered the last time she saw her husband.
"But you have to take Rey and go. It's our best choice right now," Luke had insisted.
He had made the sacrifice of the best choice, but this was different. Luke knew that Rey would be taken care of by Felicity in that situation. What Felicity was considering now was a whole other matter.
"Then we condemn Rey," Luke calmly said the night they parted. Tears were shining in his eyes, "If we both stay, she does too, and we put her in the line of fire."
The First Order was getting closer by the day. Plutt couldn't even stick to a two week delivering rations schedule for fear of getting caught by the First Order. Pretty soon, someone on Niima was going to crack and turn in Felicity, and she was only dragging down Rey with her.
But she couldn't do it. How could she bring herself to do it? How could she or Luke forgive her for doing it? How could she even begin to explain it to Luke? How could he possibly ever understand what she did and how she could do it? Luke would never do it. He would stand and fight, even if it meant both he and Rey went down in a blaze of glory.
But she wasn't Luke.
"We both know that you are more capable of making difficult decisions and even sacrifices for Rey's safety. Decisions… I could never bring myself to commit."
Felicity hugged her knees to her chest and quietly cried. Luke was right, she could make this decision. But why did she have to? How could Luke ever love someone like that? How could Rey? How could she even love herself?
"But that is why I love you. You are strong where I am weak, and we balance each other perfectly."
Felicity looked over at Rey soundly asleep in her hammock. Rey was the perfect representation of how Luke and Felicity balanced each other. How they loved each other, and accepted each other, flaws and all. Felicity had to protect that precious proof of their love.
Rey would never understand why her mother did it, but Luke would, and hopefully one day, he would explain it to Rey.
"I swear to you, Felicity, this will not be like Brendan."
Brendan, her beloved older brother who promised to come home from Imperial duty as a Stormtrooper, and then was blown up by the Imperials in a failed piece of propaganda meant to pin the incident on the Rebels. An incident that when discovered would lead to one of the highest number of recruits in Alliance history, second to only the events of the first death Star.
Luke had been wrong; this would be like Brendan: a broken promise to come home.
But then again, Rhiaons never were great at keeping promises to their family. Felicity should be as ashamed as Vader to call herself a Skywalker.
"We will see each other again."
No, they wouldn't; but if this sacrifice meant that Luke and Rey would see each other again, then it was a sacrifice Felicity was willing to make.
Her mind made up, Felicity crossed to Rey peacefully sleeping in her hammock. Careful not to let her tears fall on Rey, Felicity bent down and kissed her forehead.
"I love you so much, Sweetheart," Felicity whispered. "I love you far more than you could ever imagine. If there was any other way, I swear to you, I'd take it. I- I'm so sorry, Rey. I'm sorry."
Then Felicity went back to her bed, wrapped herself in Luke's flight suit blanket, and cried herself to sleep.
Felicity was waiting for Plutt three days later when he brought them their next set of rations. She stared fixedly at him, fiddling with her credit chip in one hand. Though her demeanour was strong, inside Felicity was terrified.
Rey was inside the walker, completely unaware of what her mother was about to do.
"The First Order?" Felicity demanded as Plutt got out of the speeder.
Plutt sighed, "They've finished searching the villages and are now searching the wreckage in the desert. You're running out of time."
"I know," Felicity said sadly. She held out the credit chip, "Here."
"A credit chip?" Plutt raised a brow.
"My emergency funds. This should cover all costs we've incurred, as well as enough costs for five years and then some. The passcode to access the funds is 'Burning Homestead.'"
"Kinda morbid."
"And ironic, that's why no one would ever think of it. If you follow my terms, the entire thing is yours to keep."
"What's all this? Are you changing our agreement?"
"Call it Plan B," Felicity's voice was cold and emotionless. She wouldn't allow Plutt to be the thing that made her break down.
"And what is Plan B?"
Felicity looked back at the walker.
Plutt understood, "You want me to watch the girl until Lover Boy gets here. Well, I think I can-"
Felicity pulled the credit chip away from Plutt's grasp.
"You listen very carefully," Felicity's voice was firm. "You keep her safe. You keep her fed. You keep her hydrated. You keep her clothed. And above all, more than anything else, you keep her distracted. Are we agreed?"
Plutt grabbed the credit chip and smiled, "Agreed."
Taking a deep breath, Felicity readied herself as best she could for the next part. She of course, could never truly be ready, but she had no choice. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Felicity ducked into the walker.
Rey was playing with her doll when Felicity entered.
She looked up and beamed at her mother, "Mommy, want to play with me?"
Felicity struggled not to burst into tears. She was the worst mother in the history of the galaxy for doing this.
"Rey, I need you to come here for a minute," Felicity struggled to regulate her voice. "Mommy needs to talk to you."
Sensing something was wrong, Rey set her doll down and approached her mother.
"What's wrong, Mommy?" Rey asked.
"Oh, Rey," Felicity pulled into a tight hug. "Rey, you know that Mommy loves you more than anything in the galaxy, right?"
"Except Daddy," Rey said.
"No," Felicity shook her head and pulled back. Rey's arms settled around Felicity's neck as Felicity placed her hands on Rey's shoulders, "I love you even more than Daddy. More than anything and anyone in the entire galaxy. I swear that to you, and I don't want you to forget that."
"I won't," Rey looked confused as to why they were having that comversation.
"I know… Rey, do you what Mommy said all that while ago about keeping you safe? How Mommy will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and that might mean Mommy does some things you don't like, and some things Mommy might not be proud of?"
Rey nodded, "But I'll get back to Daddy."
"Right. Well, Mommy has to make one of those choices right now."
"What choice?" Rey asked innocently.
Felicity took a deep breath, "Mommy- Mommy… has to go away for a little while."
Rey's eyes went wide, "What? Where are you going?"
"Mommy has to go see some people so that you're safe."
"Where do I go?"
"You… you have to stay here with Mister Plutt. He's going to take care of you until Daddy gets here."
"What? No! NO!" Rey wailed as she tightened her arms around Felicity's neck. "No, I'm going with you!"
"No, you have to stay," Felicity struggled to maintain her composure.
"NO! NO! Mommy, don't go! Please don't leave me!"
"Listen to me, Rey," Felicity stroked Rey's tear stained cheek. Tears had swelled in Felicity's eyes as well, "You listen to me. Our family is going to come back for you. You do not go with anyone but our family. Do you understand? You go with Daddy, you go with Uncle Han, or you go with Aunt Leia. You do not go with anyone else. Even if Uncle Lando or Poe shows up, you don't go with them. Okay? And under no circumstance do you go with Ben. You see Ben, you run away and you don't look back. Do you understand me?"
"No, Mommy! Please don't go! Don't leave me!" Rey sobbed, clutching onto her mother as a lifeline.
"I'm so sorry, Rey. I'm so sorry," Felicity tried to ease Rey's arms off of her, but Rey wouldn't let go. "Rey, you have to let go of Mommy."
"NO!" Rey clung on as tightly as possible.
"Rey, please let go!"
"NO! NO! NO! MOMMY! DON'T GO!"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Felicity took a deep breath, grabbed Rey's tiny hands, and using her superior strength, forced them off of her neck.
"NO!" Rey launched herself at her mother and grabbed her leg.
"Plutt! I need a hand!" Felicity called as she sobbed and tried to pry Rey off only to be reattached the moment she had. Felicity tried to look strong when Plutt entered the walker. "Please, hold her back."
Easily Plutt pulled Rey off of Felicity and held her in his tight grip, refusing to let her go, "Take my speeder. Drop it off with one of my guys and tell them to come for me in an hour. I won't let her follow."
"Thank you," Felicity gasped in pain at the sight of her daughter fighting against Plutt's grasp. "Goodbye, Rey. I love you."
"NO! NO! MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE! PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME!"
Felicity climbed into the speeder and looked back at her daughter one last time. Just a push of a button and Felicity would have completed the unthinkable act of abandoning her daughter.
"DON'T LEAVE ME!" Rey begged. "PLEASE, MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE ME!"
"I'll come back for you," the words escaped Felicity's mouth before she could stop them.
She wanted to believe it, she wanted her last memory of her daughter not to be Rey desperately screaming and crying for her to come back. She wanted to someday be reunited with her husband and child, and be one big happy family.
"I'll come back, Sweetheart," Felicity tried to keep her voice calm and level. Rey was far too young to understand. "I promise."
Unbeknownst to Felicity, she had just repeated Luke's own final words to Rey. For the second time, a parent was abandoning her and Rey didn't understand why.
"I love you, Rey," Felicity whispered before starting the speeder.
"MOMMY, NO!"
And Felicity hit the gas.
"MOMMY! COME BACK, MOMMY! COME BACK!"
"I'll come back, Sweetheart," Felicity promised as she drove away. "I promise."
"MOMMY!"
And as Rey disappeared in the distance, Felicity's heart shattered. Felicity knew that despite swearing never to make Rey another bad promise, her final words to Rey were a lie.
Because Felicity knew she was never coming back.
Ten minutes later, Felicity stopped the speeder. All courage had been sapped from her as she left her daughter behind in the hands of a man she didn't trust. She couldn't stop replaying those desperate screams in her mind. Felicity pulled the speeder over next to a hill, sat behind it and cried.
"Oh, God, what have I done?" Felicity wailed, hugging her knees to her chest. "I'm sorry, Rey! I am so sorry!"
She cried and cried and cried and cried.
Felicity hit herself, spat insults at herself, and screamed to the high heavens. She told herself that she wasn't worthy of the beloved family she had, and was no better than its lowest members.
She was no better than her father: the man who she had begged on the Death Star to come back to the Rebel base with her, but instead he had sounded the alarm. A man who fatally shot her best friend, Riz Drayson while he stood right next to her. A man whose love and acceptance of her was not unconditional like a proper parent, but only came when she submitted to his terms.
She was no better than her father-in-law: a man who couldn't even recognize his own daughter and tortured her on multiple occasions. A man who had threatened to turn his daughter to the Dark Side when he did learn of her connection to him. A man who cut off his own son's hand seconds before asking said son to rule the Galaxy with him.
She was no better than her nephew: a man who betrayed everyone who loved him. A man who worshiped the charred helmet of a dead monster. A man who had attempted to murder his five-year-old cousin for the title of legacy.
Felicity was no better than any of them, and she had committed the offence she most despised of her father.
She hated the disgusting creature she was: a mother who had abandoned her child.
Felicity cried. She didn't care who heard her. She cried until there were no more tears left in her body, and even then she convulsed with dry sobs. Eventually, with no tears, the crying ceased, and Felicity just sat there staring out at the distance in silent horror at what she had done.
By the time the sun was at its highest point, Felicity knew she was ready to face the First Order. She knew there was nothing pleasant in store for her: torture and even death. They would do all they could to break her. But she also knew that there was nothing they could do to hurt her.
She had nothing left to break.
Feeling dead inside, Felicity slowly stood, got into the speeder, and drove for Niima.
She stopped not far from the outside. There were First Order officers guarding what served to be the entrance of the town. There was no way she could get Plutt's speeder to one of his lackeys without being stopped by the First Order. Without any means of checking up on Rey, Felicity had no idea if Plutt would break the deal if his speeder wasn't returned.
Of course, she didn't know if Plutt could cut off the deal in general, but there was nothing more she could do about that.
What was she going to do?
"Erso!"
Felicity forgot she was supposed to answer to that name when a familiar alien pulled his speeder up next to you.
"Hey, Erso," Quom Tinadar smiled. "Been a while."
Felicity frowned, "I'm really not in the mood, right now Tinadar."
Quom frowned as he took in the red puffy faced, dead eyed sight of Jyn Erso.
"Is everything alright?" Quom shut off his speeder and hopped out of it.
"Oh, just fine," Felicity snapped. "Or have you been so out of it that you actually believe that statement could be true?"
"What happened?"
"None of your damn business."
"Come on, you can tell me. I'm harmless."
"You blackmailed me into giving up my wedding ring or you would leave my daughter to die. What the hell do you call harmful?"
"I'm sorry. Look," Quom pulled out the rings from his shirt and untied the string from around his neck. "I'm sorry. I was a jerk. You can have them back."
Felicity stared at the ring hanging from Quom's grasp. She remembered the ecstatic looks of pure joy as Luke gave her each one. She remembered that goofy lopsided smile she fell in love with. She remembered the passionate kisses he bestowed upon her after agreeing to marry him, and sealing it with an I do.
It hit Felicity hard: she would never see Luke again. His joy would be replaced by sorrow when he learned what had happened to her. That grin would never be given to her again. Those lips would never taste her own again. They had promised each other a marriage until they were old and gray, but would only get six far too brief years.
"No," Felicity was ashamed; she couldn't bare to let those rings grace her finger again. "I can't."
Felicity couldn't stop the tears. Her only comfort was that she could at least leave Rey behind for Luke. At least they could have each other.
"Hey," a furry hand touched Felicity's shoulder. "Don't cry."
Felicity looked up in surprise at Quom comforting her, "I'm sorry, I just can't take those rings back. I can't even look at them."
"How about I hang on to them until you're ready?" Quom suggested, tying the string back around her neck.
Felicity chuckled, "Sure. We'll go with that."
She wondered what Quom would do when he found out Felicity could never take them back.
"What happened? Why are you so upset?"
"I… I've done something terrible," Felicity couldn't bare to admit what she had done. "It was for the greater good, but it hurts like hell."
"Here," Quom pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry you had to do whatever it is you've done. Please, is there anything I can do to help? No strings attached, promise. I feel terrible about what I've done to you and I want to make it up to you."
Felicity sniffed, "Well… there is something."
"Name it."
Felicity pulled out of his embrace and wiped the tears out of her eyes, "Can you take this speeder back to the walker? It's Plutt's and he needs it back, but I can't get it to his crones."
"Sure, of course," Quom scrambled to his truck to hitch his speeder to Plutt's. "But that doesn't seem like a lot. Is there anything else? I did do something terrible to you."
"Trust me, it's not the worst thing someone's done to me."
"Well, considering the people you hinted at knowing when you almost shot me, I don't want to be lumped in with them. Come on, anything you want and I'll do it. Promise."
Felicity hesitated, "Alright, if you ever see Rey and she needs help… will you give it to her?"
"Sure, but that doesn't sound like much," Quom laughed as he fastened the cable. "After all, you're very much a Mama Nexu. Where are you going to be when Rey needs some help?"
Felicity was silent.
Quom understood.
"Oh," He looked down at the sad guiltily. "I didn't realize-"
"It's the only way they'll leave," Felicity muttered.
Quom didn't hesitate to hug her again, "I'll take care of your little Miracle Girl. I promise you, Jyn."
Felicity smiled, "Actually… my name's Felicity."
"Alright, I'll take care of her, Felicity."
"Thank you."
Quom smiled and whispered, "Anytime."
Felicity didn't ask how he knew the phrase, but she knew he understood its significance.
When Quom was gone, Felicity took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and said, "I'm ready."
Without a speeder, Felicity was able to sneak into Niima Outpost unnoticed. If she was going to turn herself in, it wasn't going to be to Random Stormtrooper Number Eighty-Three, she was going the big boss herself.
Phasma was easy for Felicity to find; her suit was blinding in the Jakku sunlight.
When Felicity found her, Phasma was harassing the poor doctor who had treated Rey all those weeks ago. Felicity was upset at the sight; Aletha had been very kind to Felicity on that day.
"So I performed CPR and got her breathing again," Felicity had said in a panic.
Aletha smiled and put a gentle hand on Felicity's arm, "She'll be alright. I'm going to do an ice bath, and that should have her all better in a little while."
"You swear she's going to be okay?"
"Take a deep breath, Mommy. You did everything right, and because of that you managed to save her from a very horrible death. It could have been a lot worse, but she'll sleep soundly in your arms tonight."
"And wake up in the morning?"
"And wake up in the morning," Aletha chuckled. "Now go with Plutt and tell her father his little girl will be alright."
Felicity looked hesitantly at Plutt waiting irritated in the doorway, "Fine but if anything happens to Rey, I'm coming after you personally."
"Deal."
"Please! I don't know anything about a little girl, I swear!" Aletha cried out as Phasma's troops pointed their blasters at her.
"Well, someone knows something around here and I'm not leaving until I get some answers!" Phasma snapped. She looked at her troops, "Let's see how much she loves her little practice."
"No! Don't!" Aletha screamed as the Stormtroopers began smashing her equipment. "I don't know anything."
"Let me through!" Felicity ordered the crowd who had gathered to watch. "Move!"
"Now do you know anything?" Phasma turned to Aletha.
"No, I don't," Aletha answered. It appeared that Phasma had underestimated her resilience.
"Then we have no choice but to make you talk."
Aletha yelped as Phasma backhanded her fist across the doctor's face sending her clattering to the ground.
Felicity pushed her way out of the crowd, "HEY!"
Phasma looked in surprise as Aletha cowered on the ground.
"Leave her alone," Felicity ordered, her eyes flashing fiercely as she marched towards the women.
The Stormtroopers immediately turned their blasters on Felicity.
"Don't fire," Phasma held up her hand as Felicity reached them. "Well, well, Felicity Rhiaon finally arrives."
Felicity glared at Phasma and then bent down to help Aletha, who was lying on the ground.
"Get up and get out of here," Felicity commanded. "My husband should arrive on Jakku shortly. Find Luke, tell him what happened, and he'll pay for new equipment. Tell him Felicity sent you. If he doesn't believe you tell him that I told you to say anytime when he says thank you. Do you understand?"
Aletha nodded.
"Go," Felicity pulled her up and gently pushed her towards the crowd.
The crowd was a flurry of whispers as Aletha disappeared into them. After weeks of interrogation they were finally getting the showdown they craved.
"So kindhearted," Phasma said.
Felicity rose to her feet, "From time to time, but it's my fury that's my signature."
"Funny, I thought it was making excuses as it why you're not just some… what's the term? Golddigger that leeches off her husband's legacy."
"You are wrong on so many levels, the least of which being that fact that the only gold Luke and I own are our wedding rings."
"Which I see you're not wearing," Phasma shot a pointed look at Felicity's bare hand. "What's the matter? Gave up so soon? Think the Knights of Ren killed him?"
"Don't make me laugh," Felicity shot. "Let's cut the crap, Phasma. We both know why you're here."
"Alright then. Where is she? Where's the girl?"
Felicity smirked, "In a place you'll never find her."
"I doubt that," Phasma chuckled. "Come on, Rhiaon, make my job a littler easier and just tell me where she is. We won't kill her; the Supreme Leader has glorious plans for her."
"He will never lay a hand on my daughter."
"Just tell me. We're going to find her eventually. It'll just save us some time, and if you cooperate the Supreme Leader might find some use for you."
Felicity glowered at Phasma, "Listen to me carefully, PH-5177, the only way you're going to get the location of my daughter is if you beat it out of me with my dying breath."
"Alright then," Phasma bashed the butt of her blaster against Felicity's temple, knocking her out cold. She gestured to Felicity lying on the ground, "Get her on the ship and bring us to the base. Have a team stay behind and sweep the area. The girl can't be too far."
The crowd muttered to each other as Phasma picked up the unconscious Felicity and carried her to the ship. The citizens of Niima Outpost didn't usually care about anyone but themselves, but they knew what the First Order had just done to Felicity Rhiaon was wrong.
No matter how much Rey fought against Unkar Plutt, he wouldn't let her go.
"NO! MOMMY, COME BACK! I WANT MOMMY!" Rey screamed, trying to claw her way out of his grasp. She managed to get free only for him to grab her roughly by the arm and hold her still.
Why did Mommy leave? She couldn't understand why it had happened, but she did understand what had happened. This wasn't like the times Mommy told Rey to stay in the living room while Mommy went to see Daddy working in the garage. This wasn't like the times Mommy said to stay with Master Alyla Kene in the meditation garden while Mommy went to see Daddy in his office a few hallways down. This wasn't even like the times Mommy would said to stay with Uncle Han while he worked on the Falcon while Mommy went to Aunt Leia's office which was a twenty-minute drive from the hanger the Falcon was stored in.
Rey knew that Mommy wasn't just going for a quick visit to someone. But leaving her behind? That had to be a mistake.
Suddenly she sensed it; the Force pulling her attention to a ship in the sky. It was flying away from Jakku, and Rey knew that Mommy was on it.
"NO!" Rey yelled at the ship. "COME BACK!"
"Quiet, girl," Unkar chastised.
Rey quickly looked over at Plutt, but turned her attention back to the ship, "NO!"
And then something strange happened. The Force was all around her, pushing images and sounds into her mind. Was this what Daddy meant when he talked about getting visions from the Force?
The ship flying away with her mother was heading into the sun. The sky turned red as a dark object eclipsed the precious light.
Then suddenly Mommy was on her knees before a shiny Stormtrooper and a red haired man. They were hitting her and demanding to know where Rey was.
Mommy wouldn't tell.
The scene shifted to Daddy watching a holo of the bad people hurting Mommy. He was standing next to the dejarik table on the Falcon. Uncle Han and Aunt Leia were with him. Mommy said something Rey couldn't make out.
"NO!" Daddy screamed, falling to floor on his knees. Everyone was crying and hugging.
Rey didn't like seeing everyone so sad. Why were they sad?
The scene shifted to an orange and white droid. It was BB-8, Rey recognized. That was Poe's droid, and she loved both Poe and his droid. They played the best with her.
BB-8 was on Jakku with a tall girl wearing the same hairstyle and clothing as Rey.
"I know all about waiting," the tall girl said.
BB-8 beeped something at the girl.
"For my family," the girl said. "They'll be back. One day."
The scene shifted and the girl was talking to a dark skinned boy.
"Don't go," the girl begged.
"Take care of yourself," the boy said. "Please."
The scene shifted again. The girl was strapped to a table and Ben was standing before her. His hand was outstretched and he was doing the bad mind thing Daddy had forbidden. The girl was struggling to hold back tears.
"You're so lonely... so afraid to leave..." Ben taunted.
The scene shifted to Uncle Han in the Falcon talking to the girl and dark skinned boy.
"Luke felt responsible," Uncle Han said. "He walked away from everything."
The scene shifted again. Ben was walking down a hallway carrying Mommy. Mommy was hanging limply in his arms, her eyes glassy like Zena Halcorr's.
A strange woman's voice sounded along to the scene.
"Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku…"
An image of Mommy's face filled Rey's mind followed by an image of a chrome Stormtrooper helmet.
"They're never coming back."
Rey screamed as the images vanished and the sky came into focus again.
Mommy's ship was gone.
Rey sobbed as she struggled to make sense of the visions and Mommy's abandonment. She didn't understand what was happening or what the visions meant. Who was going to take care of her? When was her family going to come back? What was going to happen to Mommy?
But if there was one thing Rey did understand it was this:
Starting now and lasting for a very long time… Rey was completely alone.
A/N: ... Please don't hate me.
