Alice POV
My head was groggy as I was pulled into consciousness; flashbacks of last night filled my brain. Once I had finally remembered all of what had happened I groaned.
What an idiot thing to do, I told myself, because that was the dead-end truth. But still…
I knew how they worked, and Jasper didn't show up, so how come he did? I needed time to think it over, but how could I think over something that I didn't fully understand anyway? Before, they would've been trivial things, or just an insight, but nonetheless, I would always know. With Jasper, I didn't.
In that, the pain never stopped. In reality, the pain never started. Throughout the past the pain had always started, no matter what. Whether it be morning or night, weekday or weekend, there was always pain, never comfort or regret, just pain. And that made this situation all the more queer. I was used to them always being correct, never misleading or with missing information. Even the most grotesque details were forever included. One little detail they now missed out was Jasper.
Thoughts were flying around my brain as quick as lightening, and still, nothing was becoming clear. Everything was still a tangled mess of rope, with not a single separate strand to work on. It was like trying to get a four year old to solve a math equation only a graduate student would understand. I was the four year old.
Then something else jumped into the situation. Jasper's curiosity. He'd held it in long enough, but I couldn't expect him to not be wanting answers sooner or later. If I was him, I would. What could I say? 'Oh yes, I'm a lunatic that sees things before they happen, but you don't show up in these, could you explain that to me?' Yeah, 'cos that wouldn't make him want to kick me out straight away.
This finally made me see something, something that I'd been denying for years, thinking I could sort it out. I needed help.
Jasper POV
My state of limbo through being awake and being asleep ended and I stared at the ceiling with my newfound headache.
Turning my head, I saw the piece of paper that had been disturbing my thoughts all night, mixing them up into a jumble of nonsense and crossing out every theory I could think up. I picked it up and re-read it, hoping that this time some piece of truth or logic would spring out from the page and suddenly make everything fit. But alas, life had never been that simple and I pulled my face into a frown, letting go of the paper and watching it drift back down to the table.
I needed answers, but could I just ask for them? Hell no. I couldn't just demand them of her; I can hope that in time she'll tell me herself. If not, then I guess I'll have to ask. Until then, all I would do is make sure she's safe, and that she doesn't run off again, I can't be dealing with that.
I sighed as my stomach rumbled, telling me that running around at three am didn't help it, and I got out of bed. Walking past the mirror I stopped and took a good look at myself. There was sleep in the corner of my eyes still and underneath them were slight shadows of grey. To top it off, my forehead was being slightly pushed together by the complication in my head. I looked terrible. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to relax my muscles. In a way, it worked, and when I opened my eyes the little frown line had partially disappeared and I felt a little bit better.
When I got to the kitchen I remembered the empty cupboards and nearly gave up and went back to bed. Then I heard the pitter patter of feet behind me.
Turning around I saw Alice in day clothes, looking slightly worse than I had just now, but the little smile on her face brightened her look as she walked towards me.
"Hey," my voice came out cracked and I cleared my throat, which made Alice smile even more.
"Morning Jazz," where did that come from?
"Jazz?" I looked at her, and suddenly her face became panic-stricken at my question.
"You don't mind me calling that do you? I won't if you don't like it," she gushed out, which made me laugh, and she relaxed a little.
"Alice, chill! Its okay, in fact, I kind of like the name. I've never actually had a nickname before," I confessed, it was true.
"Really? I think I have, but I'm not sure."
"How can you not be sure?" I asked, it seemed like a weird thing to say, how could someone forget if they'd had a nickname or not?
"Long story. What's for breakfast?" Alice changed the subject, and I decided to drop it.
"That's a good question, we haven't got much food, so I'll go out and get some, wanna come too?" Alice nodded in reply.
"Okay, well I'll just go shower, then I'll be right out." She murmured a small 'Sure,' and then sat at the breakfast bar, staring at the surface of it. I gave her a small look which she didn't see and retreated back to my room.
Whilst making myself presentable I pondered over the conversation Alice and I had just had. It was definitely odd, her not being able to remember whether she had a nickname or not, and it was even odder for it to be a 'long story' that she didn't want to discuss. So there was another piece of the jigsaw found, but still nowhere to place it.
What's it to be Jasper, complete the jigsaw and risk losing her or put the pieces in the box and pretend to ignore it? Risk losing her? What did that mean? Great, now even my thoughts I don't understand. To me, Alice was a girl who I found and was trying to help.
But what if she means more than that to you, So what if she did? I wasn't going to pounce on her, was I?! Right, she is the jigsaw, the jigsaw that I need to find the missing pieces and put it together, put her together. Doing this would mean I could figure her out and understand her completely.
Running a towel through my hair to partially dry it I glanced over at her letter, where four words jumped out at me. I know, I saw. To notice those words and not all the others had to be a clue of some sort, something that my brain was trying to tell me, something-
My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door, which was followed by a muffled voice.
"Jazz, are you ready yet?" I looked up and down my body and saw that I had put clothes on and certainly was ready. I hadn't even noticed.
"Yeah, one sec," ruffling my now nearly-dry hair I went to the door and opened it, finding Alice standing outside my room leaning against the wall, that smile still on her face.
"Ready," I said, as she turned and walked down the hall. I followed her and she waited by the door as I carried on towards the fridge and pulled off the list of things we needed from it.
We took the bus from the apartment to the mall, again sitting in silence. Alice was more the type of person to sit and stare out of the window rather than start a conversation, which I was more than happy at. When it came to car journeys or whatnot, taking in the scenery was usually a lot more interesting than mindless chatter.
However, when we were in the mall we joked around and laughed at stupid things, making up for the silence. Some people gave us weird looks, and others smiled. What I would've gave to have heard what they were thinking. I could understand how Alice and I would've looked, though what they didn't know was that it really wasn't like that. In reality, we were far from that.
Then on the bus drive home the pattern repeated, and once again we were silent. It was an odd little routine, but one that I could certainly live with.
And so the loop continued.
Alice POV
All day my head was spinning, thinking one thing and deciding to go ahead with it and then at the last minute I would chicken out, and go back to the drawing board yet again. A few times in the day I thought about doing a coin toss to sort it out, but if I chose heads they would turn out all heads, and I wouldn't believe it. Once, Jasper approached me on the 23rd toss, and wondered what I was doing. I quickly came up with a lie and say it was a habit. Really, it was fate going against me, pushing me to do something I knew I wasn't ready for.
So why care? If Jasper hadn't asked anything yet maybe he was okay with being in the dark, maybe I could string this out a little while longer. Though somehow I bet that would make the end result a whole lot worse. It was a risk I was willing to take.
In this sense, I wasn't lying, I wasn't covering anything up, I just wasn't telling the truth. By not saying anything, I could at least pretend to be a bit normal, if just for a while. Didn't I deserve that at least? Swap a lot of pain and agony for a glimmer of happiness; it was all I was asking for. How much happiness I'd actually get was a completely different question. Any amount would make me grateful; make my life that tiny bit simpler.
Jasper was my glimmer of happiness. I could see that now, whereas before I didn't. Because of him, I had a roof over my head, a duvet to cover my body at night and food to fill my stomach. Without him, I would be on the verge of death right now, or maybe I would've already fallen over it. The thought made me shiver, but a week or two ago it would've been a happy thought for me. Knowing that made me feel terrible and sick inside, remembering how I'd felt before. Yes, now I was a lot happier, whether Jasper knew the effect he'd put on me or not.
At that moment, Jasper caught me in one of those thoughtful moods.
"Hey you," he chuckled, "Penny for your thought?"
"A penny, in America?" I cocked an eyebrow at him, trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, well, we're in a recession," at that I couldn't hold it in, and burst out laughing, to which Jasper joined in. When our breathing patterns were normal again his face turned slightly serious, and I gulped.
"Seriously, are you okay?" I let out my pent up breath. Yet again, he wasn't asking for answers to my fears, just how I felt.
"I'm okay Jazz, honestly." To prove it, I smiled, which made his lip upturn too.
And so the loop continued.
A/N: I really fail at this, don't I? Okay so Wales was ace, the food however was not. Eurgh, I really don't like hostel food. So this is late, and I am terribly sorry, but hope you enjoy it anyway. First bit was slightly confusing, but if you want to understand it a bit more drop me a line and I'll get back to you! Not sure when the next chapter will be up, you won't have to wait too long though...
Don't forget to review, they make the chapters come quicker :)
x
Ps. My Beta is away, so if there are any grammar/punctuation mistakes, forgive me!
