This chapter takes place concurrently with Chapters 16 and 22 of Book Two.
There is a content warning for this chapter; please scroll to the bottom if you would like to see the warning about potentially triggering content.
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2 August, 9:30 Dragon
Southern Ferelden
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Smoke stung her nostrils and burned in her eyes. So much smoke, from the battlefield and the forest beyond. It hung like a blanket over everything. It obscured her vision, and caught in her lungs, and tickled at her throat.
The one thing it couldn't do was remove the stench from the air - the stench of some unbelievable number of darkspawn. They smelled foul individually, but this? With every breath it felt as though she pulled their oily taint directly into her lungs, and she struggled not to retch.
They'd been fighting for what seemed like hours and hours, and still the darkspawn came. An endless wall of darkspawn. They died easily under her spells, and under the swords and axes and arrows of the Wardens at her side. There were mages stationed on the ramparts above, and their spells rained down upon the horde, as well.
Even so, for every one that was killed, three more seemed to take its place. Would the creatures ever stop coming?
As if on cue, a trio of darkspawn - three genlocks - ambled out of the haze, their glittering eyes fixed on Solona. With a deep breath she murmured the words of a spell. White vapor puffed from her palms, and her magic flew through the air, pelting the genlocks with shards of ice. The three genlocks were stopped in their tracks, but before she could cast the fireball that would finish them off, someone - Daveth, perhaps - decapitated one of them with his blade. Arrows pierced the chest of another. With only one foe left standing, Solona drew in another breath and sent flames billowing toward it. The creature was engulfed in an orange-amber glow, and the sharp stink of burnt flesh and hair filled her nostrils. A brief shriek, and the genlock fell to the ground, dead.
"Solona!" Duncan shouted over the din of weapons and grunts and screams. "How are you doing?
"I'm fine," she lied.
Well, it wasn't really a lie. She was uninjured; her companions - including King Cailan, who fought just a few paces away - had done an admirable job of keeping the creatures away from her. But there was a limit to how much longer she could go on. Already, she'd tapped more deeply into her body's reserves than ever before. Soon - perhaps very soon - she would simply have no energy left for casting. Then, she would be useless – less than useless; a liability, even – if the Wardens continued to defend her even though she could no longer help them stop the horde.
What point would there be in admitting this, though? There was nothing to do but keep fighting, and that's what she would do until she dropped.
Duncan nodded, and his lips curved into a crooked smile. Maker, how handsome he was, even spattered with blood. A lock of hair had come undone from his queue, and she fought back the urge to push it back from his forehead, to take hold of his cuirass and pull him close for a kiss.
His eyes narrowed, and he glanced up, and behind her. Before she had turned to look, she realized something was different. Something was . . . wrong. Even with the sounds of battle raging around her, it was quieter than it had been just minutes before.
The ramparts above them were deserted. The Circle mages had left the field. And taken their spells with them.
Before she could consider the implications of this, she felt a tug, as though a hand had reached into her belly and pulled, hard.
Simultaneously, Duncan and Solona turned to the north, and her breath caught in her throat.
A creature, twice as tall as even the tallest man, strode toward them. The ground shook with each step of its enormous legs, and it swung arms as thick around as tree trunks. It had bluish skin, and two pairs of horns that swept back from its forehead, and when it opened its mouth to roar, pointed canine teeth as long as her finger gleamed white in the flickering light.
It was the most horrific thing she had ever seen. Worse than all the other darkspawn put together.
It swung its gigantic head left and then right, as if searching for something.
Its gaze fell upon King Cailan.
Before Solona could conjure a spell, the creature closed the distance in three powerful strides. The king struck out with his sword, but the thing batted away the attack. One more step, and the creature plucked the king from the ground as though he were no more than a doll. With a roar that sprayed flecks of spittle, it shook King Cailan, just once. The king's head snapped forward, and back, and lolled to one side. With a sweep of its arm, the creature tossed the king to the ground, where he lay still.
Maker's breath.
Arms raised in triumph, the creature threw back its head and roared, a sound that shook the ground and echoed off the nearby walls. Solona's hands flew to cover her ears as she turned and ran to the king's side. Falling to her knees, she cast her most powerful healing spell. Blue light streamed from the palms of her hands, and twisted and writhed as it cascaded downward. But, rather than penetrating the king's body, it slid across the surface of his armor, flowing like a waterfall to form a pool of light that shimmered faintly just above the ground.
"Damn it!"
She cast the spell again, but again the magic refused to seep into the king's body.
King Cailan was dead.
Another roar split the air behind her. She turned and watched, wide-eyed, as Duncan ran at the creature, and leapt through the air, farther than seemed humanly possible. He plunged his weapons into the creature's chest and used them to pull himself upward. He wrenched the dagger from the thing's flesh, and drove it in again, still higher, then did the same with his sword, until he was high enough to plunge a weapon into the creature's neck.
With one final cry of rage, it collapsed to the ground, dead, with Duncan on top of it.
Duncan didn't get to his feet right away. Instead, he grabbed at his side. Maker, was he wounded?
Solona pushed herself to her feet, and began to run toward him, but someone grabbed at her arm, and pulled her to a stop. She whirled around to find Carver looking down at her, his hand gripping her forearm. Josefina was at his side.
"Solona! Come on! Come with me, now!" He began to pull her away, toward the woods beyond the battlefield, but she struggled against him.
"I can't," she shouted. "Duncan is wounded! I have to go to him."
"There's no time." Again he pulled her away, and she tried to get free, but his grip on her arm was too tight.
"Carver is right," Jo insisted. "The battle is lost. We've got to get away from here now!"
Duncan had gotten to his feet, and staggered over to King Cailan. There, the Warden Commander dropped to his knees.
"Duncan!" Solona tried to shout over the din, but wasn't sure her voice would carry over the distance between them.
But Duncan looked up, and caught her eye. He looked exhausted, his mouth set in a grim line without even a hint of a smile. His gaze shifted, and he looked behind her, and up, and his mouth fell open.
She turned, and followed his gaze . . .
The beacon. The beacon at the top of the tower had been lit. Its flames leapt high and illuminated the night sky with a shower of sparks.
"The beacon," Solona gasped. "The signal for Loghain to charge!"
Rhianna had been sent to light the beacon; this must mean she was still alive!
Solona turned to her cousins. "We've got to keep fighting. Loghain will be here soon!"
"It's too late for that," Jo insisted. "Look at the field. Even if the teyrn can make a dent in the horde, he won't get to us before it's too late. We need to get out of here, now!"
Her cousin was right. The king was already dead along with a majority of his soldiers, the mages had retreated, and the field was filled with more darkspawn than anyone could have ever imagined. Even if Loghain charged now, what hope was there to defeat them all? If only she could get to Duncan, convince him to come along.
Again, Carver pulled at her arm.
"Not yet," she insisted, and once again turned toward Duncan. "Duncan!"
Duncan caught her gaze, and his expression softened with the hint of a smile, as he held one arm against his side.
The pounding of booted feet heralded the arrival of another wave of darskspawn. A hurlock, clad in shining armor that marked it as one of their lieutenants, rushed toward Duncan, axe held high.
"Duncan, look out," Solona shouted, even as she prepared to summon a spell meant to freeze the thing in its tracks.
Her warning was unnecessary. Duncan saw the hurlock coming, but instead of raising his weapon, he clutched harder at his side. He didn't even have the strength to put up any defense.
Frantic, she cast, but before her spell could cross the distance between them, the hurlock brought down his axe . . .
"NO!"
The blast of cold from Solona's fingers sent the creature staggering backwards, but it was too late to save Duncan.
"Solona!" Carver's voice was more urgent than before, and again he grabbed her arm and pulled at her. "We've got to go now! There's nothing you can do for him. Let's go!"
Once more, she tried to pull away, tried to run to Duncan, even though she knew there truly was nothing she could do. But she needed to touch him, to hold him just one last time.
A trio of genlocks appeared in front of her. Carver knocked one out of them out of the way, and then drove his sword through the neck of another. Blinking to clear her vision, Solona leapt to one side as the third one charged at her. She clenched her teeth, and muttered the words of another spell, but a wave of nausea hit her, rather than the usual pulse of magic, and the spell fizzled away from her fingertips.
She was done. There was no magic left inside of her to cast even one more spell.
Jo stepped between Solona and the genlock, and cut off its head.
Another tug at her arm. "Let's go!"
This time, she allowed Carver to lead her away, and they fought their way across the battlefield, headed for the woods beyond.
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They arrived in Lothering to find the town in utter chaos.
"They're telling us to evacuate," Bethany told them, when Solona and her two cousins arrived at the Hawke residence after making their way from Ostagar. The cousins sat around the table in the kitchen, while Leandra prepared something for them to eat. "The templars have said they can't defend the city if the darkspawn come north, so we should all pack up and leave," Bethany added.
"But Bann Ceorlic has men," Jo said. "Can't they defend us from the darkspawn?"
"The bann's men aren't in Lothering anymore," Bethany replied. "Teyrn Loghain came through here about a week ago, with what was left of his army. When he marched away for Denerim, Bann Ceorlic went with him, and took everyone but a handful of guards."
"Wait. Teyrn Loghain came through here with his army?" Carver arched a brow. "Why isn't he down at Ostagar, keeping the darkspawn from coming north in the first place?"
Bethany shrugged. "The teyrn never took the field at Ostagar. Apparently, there were too many darkspawn, so he retreated, in order that all of his men wouldn't be killed, and there'd be no one left to fight the darkspawn at all."
"What?" Carver turned to Solona. "I thought he was supposed to charge at Ostagar. Supposed to save us - to save the king - once the signal beacon was lit?"
"Yes, that was the plan," Solona agreed, "but something must have gone wrong. The beacon was lit, but only after King Cailan was already dead. There isn't anything Teyrn Loghain could have done to save him. Or us. You know that as well as I do. Like Bethany said, there must have been too many darkspawn, and he had to retreat." She turned to Bethany. "You haven't seen any of the other Grey Wardens, have you? Rhianna, I mean. She must have survived long enough to light that beacon, but I've no idea what might have happened to her after that. I had hoped perhaps she would turn up here, too."
"There were two Grey Wardens who survived," Bethany replied. "They came through Lothering a few days ago. I didn't see them, but from what I heard, one of them did match Rhianna's description. Apparently, they were involved in some sort of an altercation over at the tavern, and left town in a hurry after that."
"Then Rhianna might be alive!" This was the best news Solona had heard in what seemed like forever. "And what about the other one? Was he perhaps a wiry man with dark hair?" Solona had lost sight of Daveth just before King Cailan was killed. It would be wonderful to learn he was alive, as well.
"I don't know. But I think they said he was tall, with blond hair?"
"Oh." Blond? "That sounds like Alistair." That would make sense; he and Rhianna had been sent to light the beacon together.
"Either way," Bethany continued, "I think we should listen to the templars. Leave now, before it's too late."
"And I'm not convinced that will be necessary." Leandra leaned over to place a bowl of dumplings on the table. "I'm not ready to abandon our home yet, Bethy."
Jo reached for the food, a slight frown on her face. "We can't stay here, Mother. We just can't. Not if there isn't anyone to defend the town. There are thousands of darkspawn. Thousands upon thousands, and with no one left at Ostagar, there's nothing to stop them from coming north. From coming here and destroying everything. We can't possibly stay."
Leandra put a hand on her hip. "And just where do you suggest we go?"
"Kirkwall," Bethany said with no hesitation. "To Uncle Gamlen. He still lives in your family home, doesn't he? There would be plenty of room, and surely he'll be more than happy to have us. We're family, after all."
"Yes, I suppose we could go to Gamlen. If it comes to that." Something in her voice suggested that Leandra knew very well it would come to that; she just wasn't ready to admit it yet.
"I do think the rest of you should go," Solona said. "Somewhere you'll be safe from the darkspawn. But I need to stay here. In Ferelden, I mean."
Carver turned to her, eyes wide. "What? Why? Why on earth would you stay?"
"I'm a Grey Warden. It's my duty to fight the darkspawn. Maker knows I'll be needed."
"Oh, that's right. You don't know." Bethany bit her bottom lip.
"Know what?"
"What they're saying about the Grey Wardens. They're saying . . . well . . . " Bethany's voice trailed off.
Solona leaned forward. "Tell me."
"It's just . . . I know it's not true, But people are saying the Wardens might've had something to do with King Cailan's death. That they might have deliberately killed him."
"What?" Solona could hardly believe her ears. "Who in the world is saying this?"
"Teyrn Loghain, for one. He even left behind a few of his soldiers, to try and capture any Grey Wardens that might have survived the battle. That was the 'altercation' I mentioned in the tavern. He's said the Wardens are traitors to the crown, and are no longer welcome in Ferelden."
Maker.
"If I were you," Bethany added, "I'd keep quiet about being a Grey Warden. I don't think any of Loghain's soldiers are still here in town, but other people might give you trouble. A lot of people seem to believe the Wardens did kill the king."
"The Grey Wardens had nothing to do with King Cailan's death! I saw it happen. It was this . . . creature. One of the darkspawn, only huge and even more horrible than the others. How can anyone believe the Wardens killed the king?"
"I don't know," Leandra said. "Perhaps the teyrn believes it. Or, he could be playing some political game." She placed a plate of sliced beef on the table, and sat down beside Solona. "Either way, people listen to what he has to say, so I do think it wise for you to keep quiet about being a Warden, for now. It's no one else's business, anyway." She put a hand on her niece's arm. "And there will be no more talk of you staying here after we leave. If we are forced to leave Lothering, you are coming with us. You're family, and I will not take no for an answer."
"But what about the darkspawn?"
"If Teyrn Loghain says he doesn't need the help of the Grey Wardens, then he can deal with the darkspawn on his own. Either way, you're coming with us. Do I make myself clear?"
"I . . ." She paused. "Yes. I understand."
"And I understand that you do feel some duty to the Grey Wardens," Leandra added. "That's natural, of course. They helped you get away from the Circle. So, perhaps you can get in touch with your sister. After all, she is a Warden in Orlais."
"My sister is a Grey Warden?"
"Yes, of course . . ." Leandra's voice trailed off. "Oh. I don't suppose you've been in contact with her recently, have you?"
"No." Solona hadn't thought about Arais in . . . ages. Hadn't heard her name, or spoken it, in years and years. Most of the time, Solona just pretended she never had a sister. Arais was five years older, and had been taken away to the Circle when Solona was tiny. To be honest, Solona barely remembered her. Mostly, what she remembered was her mother crying, after huge men in blindingly bright plate armor had dragged Arais away.
"I didn't know Arais joined the Grey Wardens," Solona murmured. "You've . . . heard from her?"
"Yes. I get a letter from her every so often. Perhaps once a year. About three years ago, she told me that she'd joined the Grey Wardens. It was a way of getting out of the Circle, and she seemed to like it well enough." Leandra paused. "We can write to her. I'll do it, if you like. Tell her what's happened. It's up to you, darling. If you'd rather not get in touch with her, I'll understand. But either way, I will not allow you to stay in Ferelden on your own, Grey Warden or not."
"All right. We can write to her, I suppose." She let out a breath. "And, yes. I'll come with you. To Kirkwall."
Was this the right thing to do? It was difficult to know. Solona did have a duty to the Grey Wardens, but Duncan and the others were dead, and Solona had no way of knowing where Rhianna might be now. What could Solona do on her own against the darkspawn? She didn't have the first idea how to try and stop the Blight. Especially if Teyrn Loghain really did believe the Wardens had something to do with Calian's death. She couldn't fight darkspawn at all if she were locked away in prison.
So, she'd do what her aunt demanded, and stay with her family. It's not as though that would be a hardship. To stay with her family, for the first time in a great many years.
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It was only after everyone had gone to bed, when the night was at its darkest, that she allowed herself to thinking about Duncan. Solona lay in the bed she shared with Bethany, listening to the soft whisper of her cousin's breath, and allowed her mind to drift back to those few beautiful weeks she and Duncan had shared together.
How, after they left Lothering, the two of them had sat up talking every night, while Rhianna slept. They'd talked about everything, and nothing. About Duncan's childhood, what little of it he remembered. His life as a Grey Warden, and the things he loved about it, and some of the things he hated. About her life in the tower - at least those details she was willing to share. He never pressed her to say the things she left unsaid, but she sensed that somehow, he knew. Knew that there were horrors she didn't want to speak of out loud, and he understood. There had been something in his eyes then, something gentle. Almost pity, but not quite.
That had made her happy. She didn't want his pity. What she'd wanted was his love.
Then, the night before they'd arrived at Ostagar, she'd worked up the courage to rest her hand atop his. She'd been unsure how he would respond. Their conversations had been friendly. Warm, even, but he never made any move to touch her, or kiss her. Would he welcome this advance, or push her away?
She needn't have worried. He'd taken her hand, and twined his fingers between hers, and for a while they'd sat together like that, and Solona had felt warm and happy, and safer than she'd ever felt before.
After a while - the time it took her to work up more courage - she'd spoken.
"You . . . you know, it would be all right with me if you kissed me." She stared into the embers of the dying campfire. "If that's what you want to do."
His fingers had tightened around hers. "That is very much what I want to do . . ." His voice had trailed off.
"But?"
"But I can't. Not now. It's . . . it's not the right thing for us to do. Not now."
"Not the right thing?" She'd turned toward him, and studied his face. "But why not? It's what we both want. Or . . . is there some rule against it? Some rule against Grey Wardens being . . . together like that?"
"No, that's not it. There are certain rules. Wardens are not allowed to marry without first getting permission from someone higher up in the chain of command. But other than that, the order mostly tries to stay out of our personal lives."
"Then what?"
He let out a slow breath. "You're a recruit, and I am your commander. I . . . well, I think by now you've realized that the Joining ritual is no . . . insignificant thing. And it is my duty to administer the ritual to you." He paused. "I fear . . ."
"You fear what? That if you and I are . . . together like this, you'll have trouble fulfilling that duty?"
"Something like that, yes."
"What about after the ritual?"
"If things go as I hope, then yes, after the ritual there would be nothing to stand our way."
"I understand. And I don't mind waiting."
He'd squeezed down on her fingers, and she'd moved closer, to rest her head against his shoulder.
Only she hadn't understood, not really. Not on that night. It was only after the Joining that she truly understood Duncan's reluctance. He had known how the ritual might end. Known that he would be the one to hand her a chalice filled with something that might kill her. That, she guessed, was the part he found difficult to bear, and it would have only been more difficult for him if they'd given in to their desires.
But the ritual hadn't killed her. She'd survived, and that night, when the others had gone to the King's Camp, she went to Duncan's tent. There, he was waiting for her, as she'd known he would be.
"Ya amar," he had called her. He said it was Rivaini, and meant "beautiful as the moon."
He had pulled her into his arms then, and kissed her, and nothing had ever felt like that before. To be with someone she wanted. Someone she had chosen for herself . . .
A sob caught in Solona's throat. Beside her, Bethany stirred in her sleep, and moved closer to drape an arm across Solona's shoulder.
She knew she should be grateful. For her life, and for her family, and for the time she'd had with Duncan, short though it may have been. And she was grateful, she truly was.
But that didn't stop her from missing him. Especially now, when the night was at its darkest.
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Content Warning: This chapter contains implied mentions of rape (very vague mentions, but I thought I'd include a warning, just in case).
