Pain pain and more pain.
The sea is a cerulean blue gown and the beach seems dipped in gold. The immensity of sky and the panorama of sights can overwhelm the other senses. When she cast her eyes out to sea, she observes that the horizon is hemmed in silver. The waves in the distance are like white creases on a vast bale of velvet and the lulling of the sailboats is both rhythmic and mesmerising.
The pulsing heart of the sea causes a gentle swell, the waves cascading onto the shore. When they uncoil, it is like an old, vellum parchment is unrolling in front of her eyes. If she could read the script, it would probably say just two words a hundred, hundred thousand times; never leave. Her eyes are drawn to the dot in the sky getting nearer. It is a gannet, plump from poaching fish from the larder of the sea. He is coming into frame and he passes overhead.
She looks around and admires the perfection of the beach. The trees are lined in serried rows and dip their heads in obedience to the sea. They have an Eden-green beauty that cannot be rivalled. Underneath them, a springy undergrowth of lush-green seems to beckon her into the gardens. The smell of sweet oranges and lavender fight, their eternal fight, for dominance over the ocean. She will let its sleeping soul rest today, however. She is here to savour the sea's indefinable beauty and let its vastness seep into her mind. With luck, she will carry fragments of it home as memory. She stands for a moment, closing her eyes, feeling a slight breeze stroking her face. Taking a deep breath she inhales, the smell of these waves isn't pungent or fishy but instead gives off a luscious, soft, salty scent.
Home.
Oh, how she loves the Waking sea.
Leaving the terrace and walking back into the villa, immediately the salty scent in gone to be replaced by the gentle scent of her mother's linen dress.
She cherishes it more than anything.
The door to the entrance of the villa opens. She is not expecting anyone.
A stranger stands before her ... Is it a stranger? She looks so familiar but she can't quite place it.
"Leliana!"
Rushing over to her. She is wearing leather armour splattered in blood, two long daggers sit on her hips, Leliana let her eyes linger there for a moment. A small smile pulling on her lips. They curved out slightly, not too much, and dipped down into strong thighs. Letting her gaze roam the lithe form, up a flat stomach and onto small breasts. Just the right amount to play with. A rapacious smile spread on her face, she wanted this woman.
"Leliana!"
Her eyes snap up to the strangers face. Full lips that were set in a grimace on her oval face. Pale skin dusted with freckles. Lustrous red hair tied back into a ponytail then Leliana looked into those big deep blue eyes piercing into hers, a panic and pain storm crashing in them. Stopping the heat building in Leliana like a dash of cold water.
Those eyes began twitching, darting around the room.
"Leliana we have to go, this isn't real," she placed her hand on the Orlesians wrist and began to tug her towards the door.
"I'm not going anywhere, what do you mean this isn't real? Who are you? What do you want?" All the questions in her head tumbling from her, she pulled free of the gentle fingers wrapped around her wrist. Her palms began sweating and she wrapped her arms around herself as the hairs on her neck bristled.
This isn't right.
Two hands came to rest on her shoulders, those ocean blue eyes boring into hers once more. Despite the strangeness of the situation, her heart was hammering in her chest.
"You know me, I'm Scarlet," her eyes pleading, " I'm a Grey Warden, we met in Lothering," she offered hopefully.
Leliana shook her head pulling away again.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, I think you should leave." Gesturing towards the door from whence the stranger came.
"This isn't real, you're in the fade," she rounded on the Orlesian again.
"This," she said, walking around the room, "is a dream, we were put here by a sloth demon."
"Please," Eyes wide, begging. "You know me, try and remember, we have to leave." She held out her hand, not forcing it, letting Leliana make the choice.
Their eyes met once more.
Leliana's stomach was doing summersaults. This didn't make any sense, this woman was clearly talking gibberish but her eyes held such sincerity.
The Orlesian racked her brain, there was a faint recognition although she couldn't quite place it as well as the undeniable pull to this stranger she just couldn't ignore.
She tentatively reached out her hand looking into the eyes, she saw no deception there.
"Lolly?"
Her pet name, her mind Immediately snapped back to her surroundings.
She came into view, long blonde hair that flowed freely over her shoulders, she had the kind of smile that brought warmth and happiness to all who saw it. As her naturally deep pink, full lips began to slowly curl into that heartwarming smile. Large brown eyes which looked upon Leliana with love and infinite tenderness. She was beautiful. She was perfection.
"Mother!" How could she have even contemplated leaving, rushing over and wrapping her arms around her.
She was home.
"Mother," The stranger mumbled, her brow wrinkled as she covered her eyes with her hand, taking deep breaths.
She looked up, eyes glistening, they darted between Leliana and her mother before looking down and walking out onto the terrace.
Standing alone gazing out over the horizon before leaning her elbows on the handrail, dropping her head into her hands. Leliana had the overwhelming urge to go to her.
"No Lolly," her mother pulled her close, her face buried in her neck, she inhaled deeply that scent she loved so much, "we don't know this person, she needs to leave."
That smile returning "So it can be just you and I."
Her mother's hands cupped her face, her thumbs lightly caressing her cheeks "You must make her leave," her low keyed silky voice flows from her like a warm breeze against the skin, chasing away the doubt.
A kiss pressed to her forehead and her mother released her.
Reluctant to leave the comforting embrace Leliana slowly made her way over to the terrace. She opened her mouth to speak.
"Look at your mother Leliana," the muffled request cut her off, "she's barely older than you, if that was really your mother, wouldn't she look older?"
The stranger looked up, giving her head a small shake. She raised a finger to her right eye to wipe away what could very well be a tear. Then a disbelieving laugh and another shake of the head.
"I am happy here. This is all I've ever wanted." Leliana said quietly. She was absolutely certain of that even as her eyes roamed over her mother. No... This was real.
"I know this is hard to take in, believe me, I know," she said through clenched teeth, breathing heavily.
Her knuckles were white as she held on to the rail that was supporting her?
"I. Know," she sobbed, looking at Leliana, the pain in the depths made the Orlesians breath catch in her throat.
Taking a step back she drew a deep breath as if to steel herself, her hands opening and closing, she was looking over the Orlesians shoulder.
"That's not your mother Leliana, it's a demon."
No.
"Leliana." A single tear glided down her cheek.
No, no, no.
Leliana opened her mouth, she wanted to shout and scream that it was all lies, but something stopped her. A chill shot through her and ice settled in her gut.
"Remember your vision?" She flinched at the sound of the woman's voice so close, she had managed to close the distance between them without Leliana realising.
"However strong your feelings are. Whatever emotions you are feeling. That is not your mother, the demon is manipulating you." Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now, her eyes red and puffy.
"Like it did me." She whispered as her shoulders slumped, her breath hitching as she fought to keep control.
A consuming darkness. A proud rose sitting in a mesh of thorns. The blight.
"S...Scarlet" The breath rushed from her as she staggered over to the railing. She blinked quickly to hide the tears about to well up and overflow, spilling out of her eyes.
Her mother... Her mother was dead.
Leliana realised the demon had taken the form of how she had always pictured her mother perfectly. The truth was she remembered very little of her. Only her scent.
"Shes dead." Leliana whispered. How could this not be real?
"What?" Scarlet was by her side in an instant, placing her hand on the Orlesians shoulder.
"My mother...She's DEAD!" her control shattering completely, knees buckling she fell into a seemingly endless pit. The suction in it wrenched at her heart.
Strong arms caught her as her tears overcame her, wrapping her arms around Scarlet, she pressed her face into the Wardens' shoulder. The sobs racked her body, the rhythm of her breath was lost as her face got tight and her vision blurred.
The soothing cadence of Scarlet's voice was in her ear.
"I know your world just fell apart" -Turning Leliana to face her- "But we have to leave right now." Her voice gentle.
"You're not going anywhere." The demon still in the form her mother appeared in the doorway.
She had a smirk on her face, that heart warming smile gone.
For good.
Holding up one of her hands, a change in the air around them,the slight cracking that came as a spell was being formed.
Scarlet reacted instantaneously, pulling Leliana behind her, she stood up and drew her daggers.
Leliana felt like the world was falling and crushing her, she tried taking deep breaths but they escaped her mouth in tiny gasps. She clutched at her chest, feeling like it will burst with every tremor of fear that climbs up her insides and slides back down.
The sky was on fire bringing all her fears back to life. Icy claws wrapped around her heart. She was barely aware of the fight happening in front of her, her vision sliding in and out of focus.
Shaking her head she looked up, the demon was advancing. Scarlet was laying on her back, blood running down the side of her face, the furniture around them either broken or on fire.
Then a blur of flying silver as the Wardens dagger flew through the air.
A high pitched scream left her lips, echoing around her, she stumbled over as fast as she could but her legs didn't seem to be working.
She did not care it was a demon at this moment; all she cared about was that a dark stain was spreading across her mother's front. She stares up with eyes that have no light, her face is splattered with her own blood.
Tears roll unchecked down Leliana's face as she smoothed blonde hair away from those orbs than only moments ago held everything she had hoped for. Stilled for eternity she couldn't help but sob as she peered into them.
The sea was rushing against the rock somewhere nearby; Leliana listened to it while Scarlet said something to her of which she could take no interest.
Leliana nodding her head, agreeing to something without really knowing what.
The Warden pulled her to her feet, but she couldn't bring herself to look at her, she understood it was a demon, but her feelings about it felt real. It was foolish, but she couldn't help but have a tiny bit of resentment as everything became lucid again.
Her home was gone.
A hand on the small of her back and as she turned her vision blurred and dizziness overwhelmed her, staggering she fell into the Warden. Then nothing.
Leliana awoke in a strange room.
"What do we have here? Rebellious minions? Escaped slaves?"
The sloth demon appeared before them, crowing. His hardenedeyes were glittering with hostility. They were wild and fearsome. Leliana's blood was boiling, her teeth clenched. How dare it! How dare it manipulate her so, she had never enjoyed killing, but she would today. She readied her bow.
The familiar weight in her hand centred her, closing her eyes, she took one, two, three heavy breaths.
"You have some gall coming here to stand before Langour. Do you realise how powerful I am? Playtime is over, you all have to go back now." The demon smirked.
"You made a dangerous enemy demon, toying with my mind," Morrigan said calmly, but her golden eyes were pure steel. Leliana couldn't speak, the pain of what had happened was bubbling just under the surface, threatening to break out into an all-consuming rage.
"If you go back quietly I promise to do better, you'll be much happier," He sneered, moving to the centre of the room.
"NO," Leliana raged, as she let fly an arrow and nocked another as it whistled through the air and embedded in the flesh of the demon.
"Never again."
Leliana lay on her bed back at the tavern, she had gone straight up to her room after they had returned from the circle. She needed to be alone and waved away offers of food, she couldn't eat right now.
After defeating Langour and collecting the Litany of Adralla, they fought their way to the top of the tower, stopping to free a young Templar named Cullen.
He demanded that they slaughter all the mages in the tower when Scarlet told him she would be saving as many as she could, he had stalked off.
They fought Uldred and freed as many mages as they could, using the Litany. The First Enchanter was among them, he was grateful for the rescue and pledged the mages support against the blight. They were weak, but Wynne informed them they would be fine in a week or two.
The circle mage had requested to join them after they had talked down the Knight-Commander, much to Cullen's chagrin.
Now she lay alone, sobbing quietly into her tear soaked pillow. She hadn't even known what she wanted, but now it seemed so clear. She wanted to belong, be settled.
Have a home.
The door to the room she shared with Scarlet opened, she didn't even bother trying to hide that she was crying. Fluffy walked straight over to her and began licking her hand. Rolling over on her side she petted his large head.
"Fluffy, come away," The Warden said quietly and the large dog jumped up on her bed and stretched out on it.
"Leliana?" There was a faint tremor of fear in her voice. She sat on the edge of her bed, looking down at her feet.
"I know you had to do it" -Leliana sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees- "it just feels so... raw, I know it wasn't real, I know it, but I can help feeling like this." She said. Turning her head and resting it on her knees.
"Real or not, you saw me kill your mother I..." -Scarlet stopped her eyes were welling up- "I wouldn't have you do it, it's not something that anyone should have to do."
Oh no.
She hadn't even thought about what dreams Scarlet or any of the others had. It obvious what the young Warden's, who sat dejected, before her would be and her gut clenched.
"W... What did it trap you with?" Leliana still asked, the Warden was fidgeting with her bedding looking away from the Orlesian.
"Highever." It came out in a choked sob. "My family dead again... by my own hand." Her head dropped into her hands and she began weeping into them.
"Come here," Leliana said, her own tears rising anew.
The Warden looked up and her, eyes were swollen and puffy, she moved and sat behind Leliana, the Orlesian shifted and wrapped her arms around her, feeling strong arms going around her, pulling her close.
They cried in each others arms for some time. As their tears slowly tapered off, Scarlet leaned back as if to release Leliana. She held on tighter, her fists clutching the Wardens tunic.
She wasn't ready to be alone again.
Scarlet scooted back a little, leaning against the headboard, taking Leliana with her, she curled up between the Wardens' legs, just holding her, it was a comfort she had been denied for so long.
They didn't speak again that night. Eventually, with her eyes sore and her throat raw, she drifted off into a troublesome sleep of a life she's never had but wanted so very very badly.
I feel I need to explain a few things here.
You will have saw the word home a lot in this chapter that's because in the game the whole chantry bit in the Circle of Magi never seemed believable to me, I always felt Leliana wanted to belong, she's never had her own home and I feel that that would be what the sloth demon trapped her with, including her mother.
I stretched and I mean stretched a few lines of what Leliana remembers of her past from the World of Thedas book. Hence the waking sea in the beginning of the chapter.
I need to thank Etlas Aldaron for helping me clarify the bump I hit with this chapter and NattyWright for pointing out that main demons usually have names and helping me pick on as well letting me steal the pet name I used.
Once again thanks for all the faves, follows and reviews :).
