Settling into his new dormitory on the first night was a pleasant experience for Remus. He knew in only a day or two time he'd be curled up as a wolf, biting and scratching at himself in the absence of humans to bite and so to be able to slide beneath the covers of his new four-poster bed with the other three first-year boys was simply heaven. He was out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow and woke to the sound of a bird chirping out on the window ledge.
Pushing himself to a seated position he rubbed his eyes of the sleep still clinging to the corners of his eyes before finding the gap in the hangings and pushing them aside. What he found was the shorter boy, Peter he was pretty sure his name was. Bent double over his own trunk pulling out his robes - new Gryffindor ties had been delivered in the night.
His shuffling to get out of bed must have startled Peter because the boy suddenly stood up and looked over at him curiously before smiling faintly.
"M-morning." Remus greeted, stifling a yawn even as he stood up himself and stretched.
"Morning," Peter whispered back before bending back into his trunk.
Thinking that perhaps he was just shy Remus gave the other boy a smile in return before moving around to pull his own robes out. As he did he had to suppress a slight snort of laughter as Sirius' bed came into view. He was laying splay-legged, kiddy corner across his bed wearing quite obviously nothing but muggle boxer shorts. When he peeked around the corner at James' bed it was to a boy laying on his stomach, pillow over his head, a groan emanating from underneath.
Smirking lightly he tugged his robes out of his trunk, feeling a little woozy, as he watched James finally come out from underneath his pillow tousle-haired.
"Tired James?" He called over even as he pulled his robes over his head - which only served to further show just how pale he was becoming.
There was an incoherent reply before he heard a shuffling sound of James moving around on his bed and then the sound of a pillow being thrown. He had half believed the pillow to be headed in his direction until he heard a yelp from the general direction of Sirius' bed and a loud, "Oi!"
"Hey, if I have to get up you have to as well." James was saying a Remus edged around the corner of Sirius' bed to see the back of Sirius' head looking in the direction of James' bed - James looking slightly downright mischievous.
Sirius snorted and threw the pillow back at James who ducked around the corner towards his trunk causing it to land on the opposite side of the bed. Remus ducked back around and rummaged through his trunk for his trainers just as Sirius decided to hop out of bed and look for some clothes.
"Geeze, Mate. You don't look so hot." James' voice echoed over to him as he pulled his shoes on. "Maybe you should go check into the hospital wing?"
Knowing full well he would have to do that soon but that he had at least two days before it was necessary he shrugged. "I won't lie. I don't feel that swift, but I should be okay enough to make it through at least a day of classes… hopefully. Don't wanna miss out right away after all."
He gave his new friend a feeble sort of smile, hoping he had bought it and that he wouldn't be forced to further explain himself.
James nodded slowly, "Well, maybe a bite to eat will help."
"Yeah, hopefully." He replied with a slight nod even as out of the corner of his eye he watched Sirus tugging his own robes on.
"You really have no shame do you, Sirius?" He asked, arching his eyebrows.
"Hmm?" Sirius asked lazily, looking over at him through half-lidded eyes.
He chuckled putting a hand to his face, "Nothing. Let's go get food."
"Food? Hm? What?" Sirius suddenly perked up looking disgustingly well groomed with little effort - Remus was jealous but he tried to hide it.
The jealousy must have shown on his face because James was suddenly looking at him funny. "You okay, mate? You don't look so well."
He rubbed both hands up and down his face before coming up grinning, "Yeah, I'm hungry. Shall we go down to the great hall for food?"
James smiled as he put his glasses on, "Hell yeah. Let's go. Ready Sirius?"
Sirius smirked at them both, "Food? Yeah, let's go."
That's when Remus had a thought and spun on the spot to look for Peter. He was still standing awkwardly next to his trunk, watching their interactions. He grinned over at Peter, "What do you say, Peter, was it? Wanna go get some breakfast with us?"
Peter, who had been chewing his lip, nodded slowly. "That… that would be nice," he whispered.
"Good. Then it's settled. Let's all go get some food." Remus replied clapping Peter on the back and turning to face James and Sirius who were looking at them awkwardly.
"Remus? You know this kid?" James asked dubiously.
"He was in the boat with us. I figured we could all hang out. If… if that's okay?" He bit his lip, had he just done something inexcusable? Would he lose his two new friends now? All of this ran through his mind in the space of time it took James and Sirius to look at one another and then turn back to him smiling broadly. The smiles brought relief to his heart and soul and he sighed with relief.
"Yeah! Course he can. Peter was it?" James responded with a grin.
Sirius nodded and shrugged non-committedly, "Eh, whatever. Can we go get food now? I'm starving."
Laughing Remus clapped stepped forward and clapped him on the shoulder, "Yeah. Let's go."
When they stepped into the great hall ten minutes later it was to find it moderately full of their fellow students either having something to eat or lulling around waiting for class (Remus assumed someone would be around to handout timetables at some point).
As he slid onto a bench about halfway down the Gryffindor table, Peter beside him and James and Sirius directly opposite, he looked up and down the table at his fellow Gryffindors chattering away or picking at bits of porridge, eggs or bacon.
"You know. I could get used to all of this." He found himself proclaiming even as he began to help himself to some porridge and strips of bacon - he really was feeling queasy and he highly doubted food would help his particular ailment but a good show was always necessary with his condition.
James chuckled across from him as he loaded some pancakes, sausages and bacon on his plate even as Sirius loaded his own plate up once more. "I know, right? I mean, it's not like I exactly starve at home or anything but there's something particularly extravagant about meals here."
Smiling he dug into his breakfast even as he spied Peter loading his own plate up with a smile.
As they ate, the four of them, well mostly Remus, James and Sirius but Peter piped up on occasion, discussed everything from what they were most looking forward to (Remus was particularly keen to begin Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons), to what they were most disappointed about so far (James couldn't seem to help but complain about first years not being allowed their own brooms).
And as they ate, Remus felt more and more grateful that he had finally found friends with which he could hold on to - assuming, of course, they never discovered his condition for he was certain that they would dump him the moment he was discovered (not to mention have to leave the school). But nonetheless, he felt happier then he had felt since he had been bitten, happy to be able to converse with kids his own age about silly things like school, broomsticks and whether or not Apollyne Pringle had ever seen the sun for any significant length of time.
He was having such a good time that he didn't even notice Professor McGonagall moving down the table handing out sheets of paper (that turned out to be class timetables) until she was right beside him.
"Mr Lupin, you aren't looking very well. Perhaps you should get yourself up to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomfrey." She looked at him with arched eyebrows that confused him for a moment before he remembered Dumbledore had told the staff about his condition.
Smiling faintly, and still feeling a tad queasy but better with food in his stomach he gave a little dismissive wave. "I don't feel too terrible just yet, Professor. But I can assure you if I take a turn for the worse within the next day or so I shall do exactly that." He held her gaze for a moment to indicate he understood and was aware of the exact date. "However, I wouldn't want to miss the first day of lessons!"
She pursed her lips together for a moment before nodding slightly her understanding, "Understood, Mr, Lupin. I am just looking out for your own well being as well as those you may infect should you be contagious, you understand?"
He nodded, looking serious, did she really think he wanted to infect anyone with this curse? He hoped not, that was the furthest thing from his mind. As the professor moved away to hand out more timetables his eyes moved up to the head table where he found Dumbledore watching him. The man must have noticed him watching him, however, for he nodded slightly and turned to converse with a professor to his left and watched him no more.
It was all he could do not to sigh in frustration. Did they think he was stupid? He had dealt with this condition for six years now. He had long since learned when he had to be locked away for the safety of others. He knew that he would feel increasingly ill the closer to the full moon he got. But he also knew that he was only dangerous the night of the full moon itself. So his plan had always been to present himself in the hospital wing the day before the full moon so as to give the matron enough time to sneak him down to wherever it was he was to transform in safety. He just wished other would understand he knew the risks, that he knew what he must do to keep himself and his fellow students safe.
Suddenly James was waving a hand in front of his face. "Oh, Remus… you there mate?"
Blinking to focus on something other then James' hand he leaned back in his seat away from him. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Just a little lost in my own world I suppose," he invented wildly.
"I'll say. You had quite a scowl plastered all over your face. You sure you're okay?" Sirius piped up, arching his eyebrows at him over his goblet of pumpkin juice.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm all good. Say, should we head to class soon?" He remarked checking his watch in an attempt to change the subject.
He wasn't certain it had worked with the way Sirius was looking at him but the boy simply shrugged and took a long draught from his goblet. "I dunno. Little early isn't it?" He commented as he set the goblet down a little forcefully on the table.
Shrugging Remus made to swing a leg off the bench. "I mean, we still need to run up to the dormitory for our books."
"Ugh, right. Books. Forgot about those. Yeah, yeah, I suppose so." A pause as he too swung his leg off the bench, nearly kicking the boy next to him with a smirk, "You're really no fun there Remus. Being all responsible and shit." He was grinning madly across the table at Remus, however, who smiled ruefully.
"Someone's gotta be. Come on Peter, let's go get our stuff." He added with a smile at the shorter boy.
He held the smile on his face until Peter stood up with a nod after watching the boy jump as if startled slightly. Turning to his two other friends, friends what a concept he pondered, he smiled at them and chuckled, "Alright. Shall we?"
The next couple of days were fairly smooth sailing as far as attending classes went. Remus was wholeheartedly enjoying himself for the first time in years. He had friends, he was attending school, he was learning so many amazing spells, charms and potions. Everything could have been classified as just perfect. If it wasn't for the cramps, sweating and shakes that permeated right down to the bone that is.
As it was, when he woke up on Saturday morning to the sound of James and Sirius yammering on about something or another that he couldn't understand through the pain, thick curtains and the sound of their and his own heartbeats thundering in his ears. As his eyes opened and light filtered in through a gap in the hangings he rolled over and groaned holding his stomach and smothering his face into the pillow.
Somewhere above all the noise and pain, he heard James and Sirius' voice falter and the sound of shuffling footsteps coming nearer. There was a pause and the sound of the hangings could be heard being pulled back.
"You okay, mate?"
It was James.
He hesitated for a moment. I have to go to the hospital wing. It's to close. But will they suspect? They aren't stupid… Stop it! Just get them to help you, you have to go now! His mind ran a mile a minute before he turned his head on the pillow to face the side of the bed. Sirius and James' concerned faces came into view.
"You look. Like shit. If you don't mind me saying, mate." Sirius commented with a slight grin before frowning in concern. Could he suspect? He panicked for a moment.
He groaned, "I feel like shit." He paused before adding, "Either of you guys mind helping me up to the hospital wing? Clearly, this thing isn't getting any better." There… that should dissuade any suspicions they may have… He reasoned to himself.
Eyebrows still knitted together in concern both boys nodded. "No problem, Mate," Sirius replied for the both of them.
With their help, he heaved himself out of bed and pulled a dressing gown on. From there, and with an arm slung over James and Sirius' shoulders, once Sirius had pulled some proper clothing on, of course, shoulders they walked towards the door - Peter hurrying ahead to pull it open for them to sidle through.
From there it was simply a matter of navigating the corridors in the relative direction of the hospital wing, to which Remus had already inconspicuously mapped out under the guise of finding his way to classes. Once they had arrived, Sirius practically kicked the door to open it when Peter didn't move fast enough to open it, Madam Pomfrey came storming into the room - she looked about to tell them off when she spotted Remus' pale form (He felt about ready to pass out after their trek).
"Oh, dear. Put him here, boys." She replied sharply as she pulled back the covers of a nearby bed.
James and Sirius helped him to collapse into the bed before pulling back and moving to the foot of the bed.
"He gonna be alright?" James questioned leaning against the railing at the foot of the bed as Sirius folded his arms across his chest watching the matron tuck him in.
"Yes, yes. I'm sure he will be fine boys. Now, why don't you tw- three go on outside and enjoy your weekend off." She shooed them away, only taking notice of Peter at the last moment apparently.
James nodded and turned on his heel to leave only making it a couple of paces before turning back to Sirius, "You coming, mate?"
Sirius paused for a moment, still staring down at Remus, he could practically see the gears in his good looking head turning and it made him nervous, before standing upright, nodding at James and turning back to Remus for a moment. "Well, feel better soon, man. We've got plenty of… exploring to do with you." He smirked slightly as he said it and bumped his fist against Remus' shoulder gently.
Smiling feebly up at his friend he nodded, "Yeah. I'm sure I'll feel better in a day or two."
Peter gave him a little wave goodbye, "Oh and let Peter hang with you guys would yeah?" He blurted out as James and Sirius reached the door.
James nodded, "Yeah… sure. Come on Peter."
With that they were gone, the door closed and the hospital wing otherwise empty. Madam Pomfrey stopped making a show of getting him set up and instead stared down at him as if expecting him to say something.
"Wha?" He said, looking up when he realized she was staring.
"Might I ask when you started feeling like this, young man?" She questioned him in her stern voice.
He waved it off, "It's nothing new, ma'am. Just the full moon coming tomorrow night and all I figured I should probably report in."
She suddenly looked up and across the room, squinting for a second. "Oh dear, is that already here?"
"Unfortunately, yes." He replied, scrunching up his face and scratching at his nose.
"Why didn't you report to me sooner! Think about the danger to your classmates and yourself!" She suddenly replied in a panic-stricken voice.
Eyes wide with fear for a moment he gestured with his hands for her to calm down. "It's really okay, ma'am. I don't transform till the night of the full moon anyway. I'm mostly just weak, sweaty, flu-like in the week leading up to it." He paused looking at the dubious look on her face, "Really, I'm no danger leading up to the full moon. I just get a little cranky at times and tend to crave rarer meat a little bit more. I just really didn't want to miss my sorting or the first day or so of classes."
"You've felt like this since term started! My dear, you really should have reported to Professor McGonagall when you arrived! She would have sent you straight up here at once!" She replied, still obviously panic-stricken.
Sighing he ran a hand through his hair, "And would you have denied me the experience of being sorted with the rest of my peers? I haven't had much of a chance for normal activities wizarding children are supposed to have…" He growled slightly as he spoke bitterly. The attitude that he didn't know himself and his condition as well as others without it was beginning to grate on his nerves.
At this she pulled back, hand on her chest looking shocked, "My word!"
"Sorry," he replied hurriedly, "But it's getting downright offensive that everyone seems to think I would ever put anyone at risk of this… condition…"
"We only have your and your classmates best interests at heart Mr Lupin… And there were rules set out that I was assured were explained to you…" She replied, clearly irritated.
"I was told to report to the hospital wing before the full moon. Which I have done. Nothing stipulated I had to report the moment I started feeling ill…" He grumbled back, leaning back in the bed, arms folded across his chest loosely.
It really was beginning to annoy him that he could be trusted to come to school, but not apparently enough to be aware of the full moon (like he'd had to be for several years now) and when he needed to be hidden away for others safety. He may be a werewolf, but he did have feelings, he did want to have some semblance of a life while and where he could.
She looked about ready to argue the point but at the look of his face seemed to think better of it and sighed in exasperation. "So when might I ask is best to confine you?" She asked in a tone that suggested annoyance at his attitude herself.
Sighing he looked at the still rising sun. "Anytime before sunset, tomorrow would likely be safest. That way it's well before moon-rise as well."
He watched as she nodded, still looking anxious about the whole ordeal. "I can't and won't turn without the light of the full moon so you really have nothing to worry about if at say… five or six in the evening? You take me wherever I need to be." He reassured her. After so many years of some trial and error and learning from experience with his parents, he felt confident in this suggestion.
"Hmm…" she mused, arms still folded over her chest.
After a moment in which Remus simply stared up at the matron, willing her to accept the idea, she finally raised her hands in exasperation. "Fine! Fine! Be damned. You'll stay here until said time, however. I will not concede on this point." She looked at him sternly.
He raised his hands in surrender before lettign them fall down to his sides. "No argument there from me, I feel like shi- crap anyways. However…" He paused, was this next request asking too much? He was just a student after all…
"Yes, Mr Lupin?" She asked warily.
"I was just wondering…" He replied, slowly.
"Yes?"
"... if it was possible for a particularly rare piece of meat?" He asked tentatively, chewing his lip, "The… wolf inside me is a bit ornary when hungry." He chuckled a little bit.
"I'm not sure if that- that is it is highly irregular…" She stammered at him.
"-I'm certain something could be arranged in this instance, Poppy." A voice resounded across the ward making Remus look around in alarm.
It was Dumbledore.
Remus blushed faintly, "Sir! I didn't mean to presume…I mean I just..."
Dumbledore raised his hands to silence the tide of explanations. "It's ok Remus. As Madam Pomfrey was saying, this is a highly unusual situation. Certainly never in the history of this school has a werewolf attended." He smiled fondly at Remus even as he blushed and hung his head in embarrassment and shame.
The sound of footsteps and swishing robes greeted his ears and the next time he looked up Dumbledore was standing at the end of his bed. "No offence was intended Mr Lupin, do not worry a thing about it. I am of the opinion that your education is just as important as any students even if special arrangments must be made."
The older man clapped his hands together and looked up at Madam Pomfrey, "Now. Poppy, I do believe this young man could do with some breakfast, the same as any student. And given he is in the hospital wing I should think it only makes logical sense to feed him according to his illness." His eyes twinkled as he winked at Remus.
Remus was still chewing his lip but nodded his thanks, "Th- thank you sir. Really. I never would have been able to come here if not for you. You can trust me, I swear."
"I know I can, Mr Lupin. And I know you know who you can trust with your secret. Now, if that is all I have business to attend to. Feel better Mr Lupin!" And with that, he was gone.
What did he mean… I know who to trust with my secret? I'd never dream of telling anyone else… they'd just run away in fear. Not that I'd blame them. He thought glumly.
"Well. I suppose I have a breakfast to rustle up for you then, Mr Lupin. If you would stay in bed and rest I shall be back soon." Madam Pomfrey was saying, a bit of a hurt tone to her voice at being told how to manage her patients, even by the headmaster. After which she walked away, heels clicking on the stone floor.
By the time Sunday morning arrived it was all he could do to roll over on his hospital bed. In the name of Merlin's most revered dress robes, he hated this process with a blinding passion. The whole thing, not just the fact that society would forever shun him. He despised how he was sick for at least a week prior to, he despised the affinity for rare to raw steak and red meat. And most of all it made him shudder, right down to his bones at the thought of the transformation itself.
He was dozing when Madam Pomfrey came to shake him awake at five-thirty that evening. "Mr Lupin… Mr Lupin… it's time to go." She whispered.
"Huh.." He mumbled groggily and incoherently before his mind caught up with his achign body, "Oh… right…"
Once he was properly awake he noted that she had drawn the privacy screens all around his bed. At his confused look she nodded, "So when Mr's Potter, Black and Pettigrew inevitably come to visit you we will have the excuse that you are too ill to take visitors while still allowing other patients as necessary."
He nodded, James, Sirius and Peter had been to visit him a fair number of times over the weekend despite his urging them not to waste their first weekend cooped up with him in a hospital bed. Privately he had welcomed the company from his friends. He thoroughly enjoyed the idea that someone liked him enough to call him a friend and they four of them had sat laughing and joking around until Madam Pomfrey had shooed the others out for the night.
Even as Madam Pomfrey wrapped an arm and blanket around his shoulders as he stood up and began to hurry him through the silent corridors of the castle he was thankful for his new friends. As they exited the great oak front doors, the matron looking around to ensure no one saw them, it struck Remus that he wasn't entirely certain where they were heading. He had an inkling but it was not confirmed until they stood before the great Whomping Willow, its branches thrashing in the light breeze.
Madam Pomfrey withdrew her arm momentarily to seize a long stick on the ground and used it to prod a knot near the base of the tree. The moment she had the limbs of the tree froze and she hurried to guide him forward. Once there he noticed the small opening in the roots.
"In you go, I'll be right behind you." She urged him.
Crouching down he discovered the tunnel started with a short slide. Sitting down he slid down the damp earth, hitting the bottom with a soft thud and gettign to his feet as he heard the matron follow. Once she had the pair of them began to make their way down the tunnel. They walked for what seemed liek at least ten minutes, it was much too dark to see his watch before he saw a faint light from up ahead as the tunnel began to slope upwards. He was soon forced to crawl on all fours, feeling particularly like the wolf he was soon to become suddenly, untl he reached another hole and crawled out from behind a box.
Once the matron had exited behind him she nodded at him. "Okay, this is it. We're here. Professor Dumbledore and I'm certain a few other Professors as well have given this house all manner of enchantments to stop anyone gettign in. The only way in or out is through the tunnel we just came through. I will cover the entrance as I leave to prevent your wolfish self from finding it easily. Good luck, Mr Lupin and I will return for you tomorrow I assume?" She explained.
He nodded, "Yeah, tomorrow after the sun has risen will be safe." He replied. Good luck? Fat lot that does me, no luck about this whole process… it sucks. He thought to himself.
She nodded in return before Pulling him into a gentle, reassuring type of hug briefly and turning to reenter the tunnel - making sure to move the box to cover the hole with her wand as she went. And then he was alone.
Considering he still had a few hours until moonrise he decided to explore the house and find himself somewhere to curl up for his transformation.
For an obviously run down, probably haunted, old house it had the marks of once being a grand old house. It had a rather pleasing staircase that crawled up one wall, the railing was loose as he leaned a bit heavier on it then he had meant to and he gingerly pulled back as he climbed the stairs staring at the walls.
There were all manner of faded, old paintings hanging form the walls - some of them askew as if someone had haphazardly stumbled into the wall going down the stairs. Once he reached the landing he stared around at the closed and partly closed doors before choosing one at random, the with the bottom pane on the door busted out as if someone had given it a good swift kick.
As he eased the door open the hinges squeaked and he couldn't help but grimace slightly for no real reason. As he entered the room he cast his eyes around to find an old four-poster bed with moth-eaten, moss green hangings.
"I guess this is as good of a place as any to curl up.." He mumbled to himself moving towards the bed and sitting down on the edge of it, the springs in the mattress giving way to his weight causing him to sink slightly into the mattress. Exhaling he lay back on the bed to stare up at what was left of the canopy to wait for the immense, torturous, twisting, white-hot agonizing pain.
The waiting, honestly, was one of the worst parts of his whole life. Waiting for a torturous transformation that would twist his frail human body into a snarling, vicious werewolf. He shuddered at the thought even as he began to doze off waiting.
He was awoken, several hours later, by a gut-wrenching pain that seared through his abdomen. He groaned, which turned into a growl albeit a human-like one for the time being as he curled up into a ball on the bed clutching his stomach.
"Urghhh... uh…" he moaned before his eyes suddenly snapped open, the pupils changing shape as he did so.
He writhed and twisted on top of the moth-eaten bed as he felt his bones grinding and twisting as his hips reversed direction and shifted into that of a wolf's.
"Ahhhhh!" He screamed in agony as his limbs shook and hair started to sprout all over his body and a tufted tail shot its way out of the base of his spine.
He tried to fight the change, he always did, no matter how futile it was. He despised everything about this change - he just wanted it all to stop. The more he fought it, however, the more the pain increased. Eventually, all the tension was just released all the pain in one, long, loud howl that reverberated off the walls as he made the final change.
Remus Lupin was now a fully fledged werewolf. For probably the millionth time already in his life.
And he hated himself everytime it happened and he lost his rational, human mind for the night.
