An even longer chapter this time, I think you will all discover that I have major problems in maiking them short, I was quite amazed at the beginning of the story how I managed to keep them short... Just say if you want me to go back to the shorter chapter, and I'll find a way to split them up.

A bit more of Rayanne and Brian in this chapter (Hot4J the Brian-parts are dedicated to you, you know what I mean ;) more to come in the next chapter...trying to explain what I imagine is going on inside Krakows head)

By the way, thank you sooooo much for the lovely reviews, please keep them coming! It's really inspiring writing this story!


Chapter 7

Jordan doesn't go to the nurses office, he just walks past it. He doesn't stop before he's out by his car again. The cold air makes him start coughing again, and a burning sensation grabs his chest like a claw, squeezing it, making it hard to breathe. He has to get away from there, the look on Sharons face had pretty much said it all; disgust. How could he ever think that Angela would be able to forgive him for the Rayanne-episode, and then messing it up further by having Brain write that letter for him? Even her friends seem to feel physically sick at the sight of him. Come to think of it, he's got pretty much no one left, and he's brought it on all by himself, it's only right then that he's like "nothing" to the only person who really matters.

He slides into the front seat of his car, and starts fiddling with a small piece of paper, reading what's written on it, the words come out like a whisper:

"close your eyes, take a deep breath, you've been here before, several times, where it all just ends, it is over, indefinitely…"

That's how he feels, he started writing last night when he couldn't sleep. It's funny, how when it came to apologizing and trying to make things right with Angela, he just wasn't able to find the suitable words, he still isn't, maybe it's because there are no words that do her justice. She's too good for anything that comes out of his mind. Too good….

Jordan is exhausted, he has hardly slept at all, and hasn't eaten more than a few crackers since Monday, and today it's Friday. He isn't hungry anymore though, the thought of food just makes him feel worse, and he has no idea how to get through the weekend ahead. The weather forecast says it's going to get even colder.

Jordan reaches for out to put the keys in the ignition but the shaking of his hands make him miss several times. Finally manages to get the car started. For a moment he just sits there, allowing the engine to start warming the car, and hoping that his vision will clear up a bit. He's running low on fuel, but there's no money to refill the tank with. "I am so fucked!" Jordan leans his forehead on the steering wheel and sighs. Attacked by a new round of coughs, a sharp pain shoot through his chest, he holds his breath trying to make it stop, pressing both of his hands against his mouth, but not until he manages to get hold of a bottle of water and swallow some of it before he succeeds. He leans back at the headrest with his eyes closed, barely able to catch his breath. Little by little the pain fades, but this time it doesn't go away completely, leaving a dull throbbing sensation. By now Jordan is getting scared, and discovering traces of blood in his hands, doesn't actually calm him down much. He has to get away. Just as he's about to turn out into the street Shane tears open the door.

"Hey man! Where are you going?" Jordan curses silently to himself and tries to pull himself together. "Don't know. Just driving around." His throat is getting soar from all the coughing, making his voice sound hoarse and strange. Shane frowns slightly and looks at him for a second, then runs around the car to the passenger seat and jumps in. "So, Catalano! Tino's party…" Jordan looks at him with a confused look. Shane rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me you've forgot?" He shakes his head in disbelief. "Oh, well, it's not too late. We'll just stop by your house so that you can change your clothes. We got about half an hour before we have to be there, we promised to help him set things up, remember?" Jordan doesn't remember, but nodds anyway to shut Shane up. Right now, his feverish exhausted brain has more than enough with trying to figure out how he's going to get out of the "stopping by your house" part.

Angela searches all over school for Jordan, but he's like vanished. She's starting to get desperate when the sight of a familiar car catches her attention. Watching Shane get in, and the car slowly driving down the road, she sighs. At least Shane's with him. Somehow she isn't able to shake the feeling that something isn't right, maybe it's because she deep down inside feels just a tiny bit guilty for not giving him a chance to explain his side of the story when it come to the letter. "I just wish that I could like trust him, again…" Angela mumbles to herself, then turns around at the sounds of footsteps from behind.

Rayanne has been watching Brian for a while. How he seems to be walking slower and slower towards the bus stop, obviously waiting for Angela. He looks kind of sad, and for the first time in her life she feels sorry for him. "Guess I'm not the only one who's no longer in Angelas good book." She thinks. Krakow has never actually been considered as like a person to her, he has just been someone who was always there for her amusement, to pick on and, when she's completely honest, be quite mean to. In a way she admires him for his stamina, he takes whatever little crumb of attention that Angela will throw at him and he hardly ever talks back at Rayannes insults.

"Angelica!" Rayanne approaces her. "Eh, mmm….I know I'm like not your favorite person, but Tino's party is tonight, remember?" Angela frowns. "Oh, eh, like yeah, I remember. So are you going?" She seems preoccupied and her eyes are still locked on the spot where Jordans car disappeared into the next street. "Well…yeah…yeah, I'm totally going. Do you want to come?" Angela doesn't answer at first, and Rayanne continues. "Rickie's going, and I know for a fact that Shane is too, so maybe Catalano will be there…you know…." She shuts up when Angela turns to face her with anger in her eyes. "And that should like make me want to go? The thought of you and Jordan in the same room…it makes me sick!" Rayanne could've hit herself, way to go, she had finally managed to have some sort of conversation with Angela today for the first time since like forever, and she has to go and say something stupid like that.

Angela walks towards the bus stop and sees Brian, appearing to be waiting for her. She halts, why the hell can't he just leave her alone. Tino's party, well, actually she does want to go, but a kind of childish stubbornness makes her refuse everything Rayanne suggests, she wonders if she will ever be able to forgive her for what she did. She knows they had both been drunk and stuff, but…. Rayanne was the only one who really knew everything about Angelas obsession with Jordan, and still she did it. Closing her eyes, Angela turns back, and walks a few steps back towards Rayanne again. "You know, I might come to Tinos party, after all, I like planned to go, like before, so…." Angela bites her lower lip, cursing herself for not being able to maintain her anger towards her.. "There's my father, I got to go." She turns around and runs towards the car.

Brian discovers that Angela is going the opposite way, and calls out her name. "Chase!" When she doesn't seem to notice him he raises his voice a bit. "Guess I'll see you at the party tonight, then!" At least this outburst gives him a reaction, however not exactly the one he had wished for. Angela looks up at him as she's about to get into the car and sends him a confused look, but doesn't stop or say anything, just lets her father drive off.

He hears the muffled sound and turns. Rayanne is standing just a few feet away from him with both her hands covering her mouth trying to hide a big grin. "So Krakow, you're like the party animal now?" Releasing the words she is no longer able to hold back her laughter. Brian blushes. With Graff it's like his new-found confidence just disappears totally. She knows exactly which buttons to push to make him feel about the size of his thumb. "Why can't I go? Am I not, like cool enough, or something? You know you are quite rude, Graff!" He means for the words to sound much more determined than they do. "Shit!" Brian turns to walk away.

"Ey, Brian, I'm sorry, ok? Can we talk?" Rayanne has absolutely no idea where that came from, and by the look on Brians face he's just as shocked as she is. Did she just address me by my first name, he thinks. "So talk, Graff." He watches how she tilts her head a bit to the left and plays with her hair while looking up on him from under really long black eyelashes. Oh, my God is she flirting with me? Brian finds it hard to breathe all of a sudden. "Look, Brian…" There it is, his first name again, what is this? "…I know how you feel about Angela, ok, but you should like really find someone who can help you get over her, you know. You've started to act differently lately…" Brian feels his anger rising and wants to tell her to shut up, to mind her own business, but it's like he's lost the ability to speak. "Anglea like hates me, I'm sure you know. I don't know why I thought she would forgive me, I…" The sadness in Rayannes eyes does something with Brian, he can't really put his finger on it, but something happens inside his chest. He feels sorry for her. Maybe it's because he knows how it is to wish for Angelas forgiveness. He moves a few steps closer to her. "I don't think she's really able to forgive Jordan either, what he did is just as bad as what I did, don't you think? I'm not like the only one to blame here!"

Brian opens his mouth, then closes it again. If Angela isn't able to forgive Jordan, then maybe he…. "I know you might be happy about the fact that Angela still seem to hold a grudge against Jordan, but really Brian, you shouldn't be…." Wow, it's creepy, it's like she's able to like read his mind or something. "But…." He starts. "Angela is still way too obsessed with Jordan to move on to somebody else, even with you…" Rayanne looks down at her feet quiet now, leaving Brian to pursue his thoughts for a while. Honestly he doesn't know what he has done wrong when it comes to Angela, like it's a crime to have feelings for somebody. He does feel a bit guilty for being like he was to Jordan, and when he thinks of the things he said to him he almost faints in fear. Brian has heared about the green-eyed monster of jealousy before, but never really thought that it would influence him like that. One lie had just lead to another, and when Jordan didn't talk back it was too easy to just continue, it had made him feel really powerful for a short while. Actually he thinks Jordan can be quite a nice guy, he must admit that they have had some good moments during the tutoring lessons. But then there's Angela…