"Hi, Deputy Ferguson," Her hazel eyes peer above her reading glasses. She looks like a tax accountant with a Catholic schoolgirl fetish.
"Hi, Kristie." Ferg waves from his waist and his dimples look twice as deep as he smiles at her and I'm pretty sure this is only the second time I've seen Ferg attempt to flirt with any woman within a 1000 foot radius.
Kristie flashes her piercing eyes at me down then back up and I want to punch her and I don't know why except that she dares stakes her claim with me.
"This is Deputy Moretti," Ferg's open palm faces me and then he adds, "Vic."
"Hi, Kristie." She actually puts her hand out and I actually shake it.
"Nice to meet you, Kristie." I squeeze a little harder than I should but you know that's the point.
Ferg, still smiling, still with deep dimples says, "Kristie, we were hoping you could help us look up some tax records. You know if it won't take up too much of your time."
She bats her eyelashes but not too much just enough to keep Ferg looking at her and his cell phone rings and disrupts the non-verbal mating ritual occurring under my nose.
"Excuse me." Ferg, always the gentleman, steps away and answers the phone and I turn to look at glamour girl.
"You know Kristie if you play your cards right you probably can get dinner out of this with The Ferg."
She looks at me like she doesn't really believe me but she's thinking about it.
"Really Kristie go for it." I encourage her as Ferg steps back toward the counter.
"That was the Sheriff. He said we could reach him at home if we needed him."
"I think he's having lunch with Cady." I look at Kristie at having mentioned her ghost of a rival and I'm sorry that I did.
Ferg's face is so expressive and clearly he's not going to ask more than he should.
"So, Kristie here said she could help." I say diverting attention from my wondering mind.
"What can I help you with Ferg?"
"Ah hum we need to look at the tax records for these parcel numbers and the ownership information for the past 10 years."
He pushes the excel spreadsheet so that its facing her and she glances down then back up at me and I nod encouraging her.
"This is a lot of work it will take me a better part of the day."
"Oh gosh, Kristie I don't want to tie you up but we really need this information."
"Well, you can make it up to me." She's a little unsure of what tact to take but I think it's working to her advantage.
Ferg is a little peaked so I walk over to toward the front door, trying to be a good wing man, and I have more pressing things on my mind.
Turning around I see the new classic exchange of telephone numbers, Ferg punches in her phone number presses send and she saves him as a contact. So much for I wrote your number down wrong or giving out a wrong number who says technology is always good.
Ferg walks over and he's coming down from full blush mode, "Kristie will call me later when she gets all the information then we can hit the Planning office."
"Did you get her phone number?"
"Well, yeah, she's gonna call me."
"Ferg, you know what I mean."
"Vic, come on." He pleads from the prodding.
"Come on, what. You taking her to dinner."
"No." He's so like a little brother and I think how lucky one of these Durant women will be.
"Go ask her out, Ferg."
"Vic, I can't do that." He's serious and he's seriously going to miss a great chance with a cute girl.
"Yes, you can. She likes you." I poke my elbow in his side.
"Go on, I'll wait outside."
Ferg looks over his shoulder at Kristie who is typing on the keyboard like she's mad at it.
"You think I should?"
"Yeah, and hurry up. I have some shit to do."
I walk outside, don my Ray-Ban's, check my watch, and wait for Ferg.
Ferg joins me on the sidewalk, "Well, what did she say."
"I pick her up at 7."
I pump my fist, "Yeah, Ferg," and give him a high-five.
"Don't embarrass me, Vic."
"I'm just proud of you, Ferg."
"You are?" He sounds all surprised like he's just met me and maybe in some respects he just has.
"Yeah, Ferg, gheez. Maybe you will hit it off."
He suddenly looks sad like he realizes that it's not Cady.
"You ok, Ferg?"
"Yeah"
"You will have fun."
Driving back to the station I'm a little jealous that Ferg is a clean slate with no apparent baggage but secrets can be are buried deep.
Pulling up to the station, the Bronco is inconspicuously missing, and I park in front in my usual spot.
"Hey Ferg, lets grab some lunch before your girlfriend calls you."
"She's not my girlfriend, Vic." He's all bubbly and cute.
"Ah huh."
About a half an hour into lunch and most of the special Ferg answers a text.
"It's from Krisite. She won't be able to finish today and asked if we can come back tomorrow?"
"That's fine. Maybe we can go over the autopsy and spare Walt the trip and the time."
Ferg looks at me and I know he wants to ask, "Sure, Vic."
He takes another bite of his sandwich and washes it down with his Arnold Palmer that he still orders as half tea and half lemonade as if he has no idea who Arnold Palmer is or what it is but I suspect it's because 5 generations of his family have drunk it the same way so why start calling it something it's not other than half tea and half lemonade.
"Vic, did you think something was up with Barlow's story from the beginning?" His eyes are big and seeking and wanting to not be wrong.
"Honestly, Ferg, no I didn't suspect anything but I think it was a combination of shock and well I was otherwise mentally occupied." It's the first time I have referred to Sean since the divorce.
It's not that I don't want to talk about him it's just that I don't have anything to say. If I talk about him out loud it's like I am admitting my failure out loud to everyone and for everyone to hear. It's easier to pretend he never existed in the first place but I know it's the least healthy option and a very likely culprit of my fear of rejection.
Ferg leans in a bit and whispers, "Both you and Walt missing clues. That's surprising."
"Ferg, you know both of us have had life altering events and that's a lot of shit to deal with." I'm a little hard with him and I'm a little sorry I reacted roughly with him.
"Listen, Ferg. I'm sorry I snapped at you, ok. You didn't deserve that," because he doesn't and I honestly don't think he has a clue that I am in a constant state of denial masking my feelings and that is exhausting.
He gives me that closes lip faint smile.
"No problem, Vic." He takes another bite, covers his mouth with his hand, "I know you have a lot on your mind. How could you not?"
I wish I could talk to someone and sitting here with Ferg it suddenly hits me after three years that I don't have a best friend whose not the man I am in love with, I don't have anyone to talk to about what I'm feeling or what is going on and I miss that. I miss my crazy family, I miss my friends, I miss the familiarity of my neighborhood of my urban culture and sitting in this homey diner I realize I am all alone in everyway possible and it makes me suddenly deeply sad.
I take another sip of water and I think that Walt has to get it, he's the smartest person I know, do I really have to explain to him that I am terrified of failing in another relationship, that I'm here without anyone, and that no matter how strong I am I am still a deeply feeling completely vulnerable woman with a history of not so good choices. Do I really have to say that no matter how much I want to ravage his body I have an obligation to take care of myself and that doesn't make me a raging bitch it makes me smart for the first time of my life?
"What's wrong, Vic?" Ferg asks because I'm not covering up my emotions very well and yet another day at the Bee where I am not quite in check.
"I'm fine, Ferg." I lie.
"No, your not. It's obvious, Vic." He gives me a soft smile and I wish I could trust him with all of this but it's not fair and it's completely inappropriate to drag a coworker into this tangled drama so I work on my deceptive skills.
"Really, I'm ok, just tired."
"Vic, can I ask you a personal question?" His eyes are full and bright and hopeful.
I just look and nod and he asks, "Do you ever think about dating, I mean, since your divorce?" Suddenly he realizes that maybe he's being rude, "Oh, maybe you have but you don't talk about anyone. I mean it's none of my business."
He's embarrassed and I reach out and touch his hand, "Ferg, it's ok."
I take my hand back, "I'm not sure I'm ready, yet." I look down because I'm being honest with someone, finally.
"It can be a bit scary being here, not growing up here, and having a failed marriage is an added bonus." I smile at my sarcasm.
"Have you thought about moving back to Philadelphia?"
I can feel that knot back in my throat, the knot that is generally reserved for Walt, but it's the same emotions so it returns and holds its place. It's a protective measure of that I'm sure but I override it almost immediately.
"I think about it all the time." I look into his eyes and I see a friend.
"I think I would too but you're not alone you have me. I'm your friend."
"Thanks, Ferg. That means a lot." The knot gets a little smaller but its still there.
I drain my water and think that maybe I'm taking it for granted that Walt is as smart as I think he is because just when you think you know someone it turns out you don't.
