A/N: Here's the answer to the cliffhanger of last chapter. This is mostly a backstory chapter and is very introspective for Meredith and Mark. Enjoy and please review :)
Meredith sat with her arms hugging her knees on the foot of the bed, shivering and tears falling down her cheeks. She thought for sure she had run Mark off, that he was never coming back to her. She had heard the door slam shut as he left. In that moment she hated all of it. She hated how the past few months had gone and wished she could do it differently. But she also didn't know if she wanted to. Did she wish she was with Derek? Did she wish she never slept with him? Did she wish she never got involved with Mark?
She didn't know.
All Meredith could do was rest her head on her knees while her tears flowed openly. Her wet shirt clung to her body, making her insides shiver. She knew that the reasonable thing to do would be to leave. After all, this was Mark's hotel room and she had no right to be here. And he probably would not want to see her here anyways so the right thing to do would be to get up and leave. But try as she might, her muscles wouldn't move. Something was telling her to stay so she stayed, folded up on the foot of the bed trying desperately to get warm again. She sat for a long while on the bed, getting colder and colder.
Eventually, she heard the door open again. It was probably Mark coming to throw her out. She had really ruined, she could tell as she looked up to see Mark standing in the doorway his arms hidden behind him. "Stand up, Meredith" he commanded, his voice harsh. She did as she asked trying to wipe the tears away. Mark then crossed to her and held out a robe. "Change into this, and let your clothes dry," he ordered, his voice still distant. Meredith sighed in relief as Mark handed her the soft robe. She went to the bathroom to change but was confused. As she carefully stripped off her soaked blouse and peeled off her jeans, she wondered why he had even dared to come back. Why was he being to kind to her? When she reentered the bedroom, clad in the warm and fuzzy robe, Mark was changed and sitting on the bed, staring intently at the wall with furrowed brows. Meredith hesitantly crossed to the bed and sat next to him.
"Will you stay here tonight?" He asked, a hint of sadness in his voice and all the harshness gone. "Just for a while at least." Meredith nodded as silence filled the space between them. She didn't know what to say to him so she opted to say nothing. It would be better to stay silent than get muddled in the feelings she felt inside. "Meredith, what was happening earlier? At Joe's you were all over me but the moment we got here you shut it down. I don't understand. Was it something I did? Or something I said?"
"No" Meredith replied in a low voice.
"Then what was it? I thought everything was good between us" He asked, confused. "Does this have anything to do with me advocating for Addie earlier?"
"No," Meredith whispered.
"Mer, talk to me. Don't shut down, just tell me what is going on inside that beautiful head of yours. You can trust me," Mark said softly, concern filling his green blue eyes. "I know it's hard sometimes to make words but not even trying to say something will build walls inside you. All I want to do is be here for you and have you trust me." Hearing those words made Meredith tear up again. She closed her eyes as the tears escaped from her eyes. "Oh, Meredith" Mark whispered, he put an arm around her pulling her close. She buried her head in his neck, as she broke down a little bit more. Mark pulled her into his lap and held her as she cried. He rubbed her back gently as she fought to catch her breath.
Meredith cried all the tears she had stored up for the past few months as she was held by Mark. Sometime in the bout of crying, he had moved them all the way on the bed and they were now leaning into the pillows. Meredith sniffed, sitting up to rub her eyes and grab a tissue to blow her nose. She had given up on trying to be attractive, deciding to trust in Mark completely. To her surprise, Mark looked unfazed and took a tissue to wipe away the running mascara under her eyes with tender hands and a kind look. "What's wrong, Mer?" he whispered, kissing her forehead as she leaned back into his neck.
"Derek broke me. He took my heart and shattered it" Meredith answered, tears blurring her vision again. "And I haven't picked up the pieces yet." She paused, catching her breath. "I thought he was my forever and always. I had never had such a long and loving relationship. In high school and college, my relationships were never that serious." Meredith took a deep breath, voice quiet and shaky. "But then Derek worked his way into my heart with his love and compassion, and that damn smile. When Addison showed up, I was crushed. Everything I had worked for with him fell apart. It took so much to let my guard down and let him be more of a serious boyfriend. I even begged him to come back to me. I was desperate to have that love again. But he chose her. And he continually chooses her even though he looks miserable with her and still treats me like I am his, like I belong to him when he chooses to see me. That's all that it ever is. When he wants to acknowledge me and when he wants to leave his wife. Its always on his terms.
"I am tired of him being jealous but never acting on it. Tonight it was a breaking point with what he said about you and about me. I couldn't take hearing him be so cruel to us. I want him to know the pain he has put me through."
"So you showed him our relationship" Mark put the pieces together. "To let him see what you see." Meredith nodded.
"I wanted him to see how his choice of Addison killed me. And I knew seeing you with me would kill him" Meredith sighed, closing her eyes.
"Derek has always been blind and has never thought much about hurting others. Even when we were younger, he would shamelessly break hearts and lead girls on. I was there to naively pick up the pieces, his women throwing themselves at me after he moved on. But when he did that to Addison, it was too much. When we met her, we made a bet. We bet on who would take her out first. I was so intent on getting her as she was different than any other woman I had ever met. But I saw the way she looked at Derek despite all my efforts. She had fallen for him and I couldn't think of her heart breaking if Derek suddenly gave up on her. So I backed off. I became her best friend instead and pushed her Derek's direction. I willingly gave him the thirty dollars to help pay for their first date.
"They had gone out for a year when I could see that Derek was happy with her. He was in love with her. And even if I hurt me, seeing my best friends fall in love was beautiful. And they were madly and fully in love. That's why when he started to drop her, stopped talking to her and ignoring her, I picked up the pieces again. I was there for Addie as a friend and then one night something more. I was thrilled that Addie was choosing me, and still infuriated with Derek for shutting her down. She had become the Addison you see now. She never was this cold and conniving, she used to be fun and sarcastic and kind. She is different because of Derek," Mark's voice caught. Meredith sat up to see his eyes watery, tears threatening to fall and she pulled him into a tight hug.
"Damn that McDreamy" Meredith said softly. Mark laughed quietly pulling away from Meredith.
"McDreamy?" He asked with a small smile. Meredith laughed.
"Yes," she said in between laughs. "And you're McSteamy." Mark laughed even louder. They both let the small humor replace their sadness and laughed until their sides hurt.
"Maybe you should change his name now" Mark joked.
"It should be McAss" Meredith suggested, giggling as she said it. The humor left her rapidly, though. "I could barely stand what he said about you tonight. You were never given enough credit for all you do. Derek has always been oblivious to that. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Mer" Mark said in an almost whisper. "I found you now, and I don't plan on ever cleaning up Derek's destruction again." He brought his forehead down to lean on hers.
"Does this change our relationship?" Meredith whispered, not trusting her voice. She hoped that if anything, they were closer together and closer to becoming that forever and always Meredith had dreamed for. Instead of verbally responding, Mark gave her a slow and gentle kiss.
"Not at all," he reassured her before kissing her again.
Meredith eventually fell asleep, her lips tingling from Mark's. She had curled up next to his strong, warm body and closed her tired eyes, finally feeling safe and secure. Mark tucked in next to her, pulling to blankets up over her shoulders and giving her a goodnight kiss on her forehead. "Derek doesn't deserve you" he reminded the quietly snoring Meredith. It made him furious that Derek had a habit of shattering women, even the non romantic relations. Derek loved his mother, but Derek never let her mother him. She was left distraught without her husband and now with a distant son. Mark was there to step in for Carolyn and be a son who needed a mother. Still to this day Mark would call her to check in with her, something Derek had rarely done, and Mark would still visit her over the holidays when her other children were away. Even for Derek's sisters, Mark had been there. Through Nancy, Kathleen and Liz it had been merely a one night dreary mistake by morning but with Derek's little sister, Amelia, Mark had been constantly there for her. Derek always was on her case about something and constantly berating her. There were many nights were Amelia came in tears and rage to Mark. Through the drugs, alcohol and partying, Mark was there for her. Something Derek never was. Even though they had long since stopped sleeping together, Mark was Amelia's person. Amelia still called him when things were rough and she needed him to bring her back to reality. It was as if Derek wouldn't allow himself to feel anything but negative around his family. He couldn't open up at all. And that's where Mark had stepped in, as an emotionally distraught boy who didn't understand why his parents couldn't love him enough
Meredith rolled over, bring Mark back to the present. Wrapping his arms around Meredith, Mark realized that he had been there long enough to pick up the pieces, and now he wasn't ever wanting to let go of the shattered Meredith. He wanted to always be there for her and help her repair her heart so that maybe one day she could love him fully.
The morning sun filtered in through the window, lighting the sleeping figures. As it lit up Meredith's face she slowly opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the sudden brightness. Taking a deep breath she tried to figure out where she was again. Shifting under the blanket she felt an arm draped haphazardly across her waist. Mark. A smile graced her lips as butterflies filled her abdomen. She was in a bed with Mark. Even though they hadn't done anything but sleep, she found it strangely intimate. She carefully rolled over to face Mark's sleeping figure. She took in every detail of his face and happiness filled her. Sure her and Derek had slept in the same bed multiple times, but she never felt this content. He had never held her as she bawled and told him her true feelings. He had never opened his heart and got to the brink of tears with her. He had never been there emotionally as Mark was. Meredith had never felt so close to a person and it was overwhelming. No one in her life had been there for her solely. Her mother was always distant, never giving her the time of day and now she didn't even remember Meredith. Her father was absent, never around for her to recall. Her friend Sadie was a partier, never a positive and emotional friend. Cristina was her person, but not someone who would rock her to sleep and be so kind. Cristina was the good kind of cold most of the time. It grounded Meredith. Derek was so happy but also so brooding and jealous that he would never let her cry about her ex to him.
There was no one for her except Mark. And she wanted no one to ever replace him.
Tears filled her eyes again as this wonderful feeling of Mark filled her. "Meredith" Mark's sleepy voice was laced with concern. "What's wrong?"
"Absolutely nothing" Meredith replied with a smile. Mark blinked, trying to brush off the sleepy haze.
"Then why are you crying?" He asked, pulling her closer to him.
"Because of you and how you were there for me, no questions asked" Meredith answered enjoying being close to him again. He brushed away her tears with his thumb, and then rested his hand on her cheek, cradling her face as he leaned in for a kiss.
"Meredith, I will always be here for you" he whispered against her lips. "I always want to be here for you."
"I want you there" Meredith admitted, her heart hammering. It was the closest she had gotten to saying 'I love you' to anyone ever. It didn't terrify her but instead felt so right. It felt right to be with Mark.
