Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin nor its characters.
Without a word, without anymore hesitance, Eren dashed out barefooted, in search of his daughter.
"Sachiko!" He called out each and every step of the way, only to receive silence as his response.
Sachiko had just ran out and away from home, with no hesitation, no second thoughts. And now, she was sitting down on a bench under a pavilion at the park where Eren had often taken her to play. Except, instead of playing in the park, the six year old was drowning in her own thoughts. Her body was still trembling and shaking, and it was not just because she was drenched in rainwater from head to toe. The truth that Eren had just informed her in such an impulsive way, had still frightened her till now. Never once had she seen her father that frustrated, it scared her.
The thought that her mother was dead because of her, was now circulating in her mind non-stop. It was painful. The thought that she was the one who caused her own father to be in such a sorrowful state had circulated in her mind repeatedly as well. That, was painful too. The thought that if she hadn't been born, that none of this would have happened, was circulating her mind too. That, numbed her completely.
"Why was… I-I born…?" Sachiko had whispered quietly to herself, her dulled emerald orbs staring blankly at her quivering hands. A shiver had went down her spine at that question. The idea of never existing, had never crossed her mind, after all, she was just six years old. But now that, that idea had drifted into her unclear mind, she began to drift off to other unsettling thoughts.
'Mama… and Papa… would've lived a happier life without me, wouldn't they...?'
And at that assumption, tears began to spill even more as she started to realize how useless her existence was, at least in her eyes. And as more thoughts flowed in, her tears soon overflowed along with it as well.
"Uncle Levi… why does Papa seem like he's hiding something sometimes?" Sachiko had asked Levi, quite a long time ago. A question in which had proven Levi's assumption that Sachiko was indeed as sharp as he assumed, and that the truth would not be able to be concealed for long.
"You'll know when you're all grown up, he will tell you by then. This is something not really meant for someone like me to tell." Levi had responded nonchalantly, whilst sipping his tea. Though unsatisfied with his given answer, Sachiko had puffed up her cheeks and started to persist him on telling her. It wasn't long until a sentence of hers had caught Levi's attention, "What if I grow up and he still hides?"
Levi had anticipated such an outcome—that Eren would never tell her anything at all about Mikasa, that he will still hide away from the truth. Even though to Levi, it seemed out of the brunette's nature to do so, it was still a possibility. Not only that, but death changes people. Levi knew that, all too well. Placing his cup of tea down, he glanced to his side. Eren had left Sachiko with Levi for a while since he had some errands to deal with regarding work. Even though it was just for an hour, the brunette seemed pretty reluctant to, having wanted to spend time with his daughter. Well, at least it reassured Levi that the brunette did indeed try his best to provide a loving environment for the girl. But given the fact Eren wouldn't be returning in an hour, Levi had the urge to tell Sachiko something, something regarding Eren. It wasn't anything that hugely hinted about the truth, but he felt it had to be said, so he did.
"Your father… never really liked to hide anything before, he was pretty much blunt and straightforward. But this time, it's different." Levi had stated vaguely as he looked towards Sachiko who looked a little confused at his words. "What's different?" She had asked, in which Levi responded indirectly, "Whatever your father chooses to hide, it's not because he doesn't trust you, he just loves you too much. Though, if he still hides when you're all grown up, I want you to find him, and tell him you're ready."
Even though Levi had probably prepared for such an outcome, he knew that if it came to that point, only Sachiko would be able to reach out to him. Letting out a sigh, he looked at the girl whose head now tilted sideways in slight confusion. "I don't really get it but...—"
"You don't have to understand it now. Oh also, your father has a shi— hot temper." Levi spoke, correcting himself quickly. He knew Mikasa would've probably lectured him for an hour if he ever dared cursed in front of the six year old. "He does?" Sachiko spoke, baffled at such a thought, after all, Eren had rarely ever gotten mad, especially in front of her. "He says things he doesn't mean sometimes… regardless of that, your father loves y—"
"I know." Sachiko responded quickly, a smile plastered on her expression suddenly. Raising a brow, Levi questioned, "How so?"
"Because…" She smiled softly, "Whenever Papa and I are having the greatest time, he smiles so honestly!"
"'Honestly'?"
"Yes! It's like he's… actually really happy!"
Now silent, Levi reached out his hand to ruffle her hair slightly. "Uncle Levi…?" Sachiko called out, in which Levi didn't respond to.
How much had she noticed? She only had been on this planet for such a small amount of time as compared to himself, and yet she had eyes as sharp as an eagle's. She could differentiate what was genuine and what was not, at least with her father. And as much as he'd have liked to question her about whether if she had actually noticed the sorrowful expression Eren would've accidentally let out unknowingly, he didn't. He didn't want any more questions regarding such a matter, and most of all, he didn't want to end his hour with his niece in such a gloomy way. Hell, he didn't want another gloomy brat.
"Oi… Sachiko, want to go learn how to make tea?" Levi had asked, which she had excitedly nodded in agreement before suddenly asking, "How come you call Papa brat sometimes, and not me? I know brat is a bad word but you make it sound like it isn't…?"
'Your Mother would probably kick my ass in my sleep if I do…' At that thought, he scoffed slightly, before responding, "Well, who knows? Besides… being called a brat isn't a good thing, don't make it sound like it is." Levi scoffed, clicking his tongue slightly as he walked off to the kitchen. Chuckling softly, Sachiko followed behind.
At that memory, Sachiko began to ponder if what Levi had said was true—that her father loves her, regardless of whatsoever.
"Whatever your father chooses to hide, it's not because he doesn't trust you, he just loves you too much. Though, if he still hides when you're all grown up, I want you to find him, and tell him you're ready."
Unfortunately, Sachiko didn't receive the time to grow up, to tell Eren that she was prepared of such a cruel truth. If only she had known of the cruelness and unfairness of the truth, she wouldn't have let curiosity overcome her, she wouldn't have been bothered by anything regarding her missing parent, her incomplete family. Even so, she wondered if she would ever be ready for such a truth if it hadn't been revealed in such an impulsive and scary way.
"P-Papa… I'm sorry for causing you… so… m-much sadness…" Sachiko sniffed, her body still trembling. Attempting to stand up, she only fell onto the ground, in tears. "I shouldn't even have been born…!" She sobbed loudly, that even her words were echoing along with the thunder. "Mama…Mama… I'm sorry for killing you. I'm sorry for taking Papa away from you… I'm sorry for being born… I'm sorry… I'm sorry... I…"
Choking on her tears now, the girl rolled over on the pavilion's ground, to the side as she glanced up at the gloomy sky. "Mama… I want to meet you. I want to hug you, I want to talk to you…! But… but… I… Is that selfish o-of me, Mama? I killed you and yet I have such selfish wishes…is that wrong… is that wrong, Mama?"
Unable to say anymore, she covered her sullen eyes with her arm. However, that wasn't enough to stop the tears that overflowed, in which spoke of her sorrow better than any other word could have.
"You know, Eren, her age isn't even double digits yet, and she's already that sharp." Armin had spoken, "She'll find out the truth pretty quickly if that's the case, I suggest that maybe you should—"
"You already know my answer, Armin." Eren sighed in exhaustion, as he glanced over to Sachiko who was busy playing with the blonde's kids. "Not now… I can't. She's so young. You don't tell someone that young about something that tragic… it'll ruin her… it'll break her."
"I know… but still." The blonde had sighed, "Still. For a child, she's pretty sharp and mature. I mean… for an example, from what you told me the other day, where she was watching some cartoon that had a mother in that family, you said she had a curious yet confused look… was it?" Armin had questioned softly, as Eren gave a silent nod. "Yeah but how does that relate to her being sharp?"
"Think about it Eren, if she was supposedly confused and curious, why hadn't she asked you about the mother from the cartoon?"
As that sentence escaped the blonde's mouth, Eren found himself silent, as an overwhelming fear had just clouded over him. The fear of the truth slipping out. And when Armin had sensed the atmosphere darkening, along with Eren's sudden worried expression, he quickly continued it with, "On another note… maybe she has a gift in being observant and sharp? Uh…like a gifted child or something…"
As the brunette listened to the blonde's failed attempt of changing the subject, he was quick to snap out of his gloomy state, "Well… gifted or not, that doesn't matter…I just want to give her happiness in life… That's why… I need time, for the truth to be revealed. Because if I were to tell her the truth now… she wouldn't be the same bubbly kid. She's still a developing child. What am I to do if she grows up hating herself because of what happened to Mikasa? I can't live with that. In the first place, Mikasa's death was never her fault… but would a child understand the slightest bit of that—that she isn't to blame? At least when she's older, she'll have a better understanding of how this cruel world works."
Armin listened to his words attentively, his ocean eyes softening as he noticed his childhood friend getting emotional, in a sorrowful way. It was a rare sight to see such a pained expression from him when growing up, normally such an expression would be mixed with anger… but not this one.
"I understand. But if the reason why she hadn't asked about that cartoon thing is because she has noticed that side of you, I suggest you be cautious on the path you're walking. Also… if you're concerned that you aren't raising her right, that isn't the case. She's a nice and polite child who has a capable father."
Scoffing and smiling slightly, Eren gave a small nod of thanks as he spoke, "Thank you, Armin."
"No problem… just remember, I'm here for you if the path that you walk ever gets too rocky."
'Ah… why am I remembering that now?' The brunette thought silently, as he continued running, and running on the painful path he was on, searching and searching ever so desperately for any signs of his daughter while screaming her name. By then, his barefoot feet that he ran on already had sustained some scratches or mini wounds, but he was too focused on other matters to even notice.
"Sachiko… Sachiko Jaeger!" He screeched at the top of his lungs, whilst choking on his tears.
'If you're concerned that you aren't raising her right, that isn't the case. She's a nice and polite child who has a capable father'
'Capable..? Hah, I'm anything but capable.' The brunette thought silently as he made a turn, running about in search of Sachiko.
Armin had been wrong about that, but he was right about one thing— that Sachiko would've been able to find about the truth quickly.
Eren had always been ignoring that theory, that possibility of her finding out. He had thought if he kept hiding, the truth wouldn't slip out until she was ready. Oh, how wrong he had been. There was always something deep inside telling Eren that, that possibility had a high chance of happening… but choosing the path of denial, he had ignored it… and now, that choice had snowballed into something so disastrous.
Now, it was too late to change anything. But, was it too late to fix everything?
In the first place, would he even be able to find Sachiko?
His heart raced with worry, it was raining, she must've caught a cold or something… she must be shivering so damn much. What if she had passed out? What if some evil force had just taken her far away? What if he would never be able to find her? What if it was too late— that the cruel world would once again, take someone he loved so dearly away?
"Please… don't take her away from me." Eren whispered ever so softly, whether it was directed at the world or some unknown force, he just didn't want anything or anyone interfering.
Catching sight of the park, he ran towards it as he started to scream her name in anxiety, hoping he'd receive a response… any response.
"Sachiko! Sachiko!" He screamed.
And finally, his screams reached a little girl. Jolting up as she heard his response, she weakly stood up and looked out of the pavilion, to see her father searching for her desperately.
Normally, she would have ran into his arms immediately, like how she would when playing hide and seek. But… something whispered softly into her ear not to do so, and that she should hide, she should disappear forever, so that the source of Eren's sorrowfulness would be gone with her. The voices in her head only got louder, it got scarier.
As she watched her father running around with a worried expression, her eyes only watered more. Had she caused more worry for him? Had she caused trouble for him?
She didn't want that, ever. She never wanted to be his or anyone's source of pain... and yet… and yet, here she was, watching her father having a worrisome expression on, scurrying around in the rain…. All because of her.
"Stop it, Papa…stop it…" She whispered softly, as her body shook more. But unfortunately, he didn't.
A flash of lightning tore through the sky, followed by the thunders. And in that flash of lightning, a new fear of her father getting hurt physically rose. It was enough she had caused him emotional pain, but to cause him injuries… she didn't want that. As another flash of lightning struck by, an image of Eren getting struck by it had shot through her brain.
In that instant, her tearful eyes widened, and without any second thoughts, at the top of her lungs, she screamed.
"STOP IT!"
And in that same instant, the brunette turned towards the voice that echoed the area, to see Sachiko. The father-daughter made a second worth of eye contact, and as fast as that flash of lightning, Eren raced towards her.
Unexpectedly to Eren's concerns, Sachiko sprinted off as well. She didn't want to be caught, she didn't want to be some sort of reminder of her mother's death— of her father's loved one's death. She knew how painful death can be, she was experiencing that now. The pain of guilt had shattered her heart, it had caused her insides to feel uneasy. Not only that, but it fogged up her mind—her ability to think and see clearly.
"Sachiko… Wait!" Eren screeched, closing his distance between him and her, but she didn't stop running.
She didn't know where the hell she was running, but she ran. Her mind was so fogged up, she didn't even know what was ahead of her.
"Sachiko! Stop! …Sachiko!"
She didn't stop, and before she knew it, she was running across a road.
"SACHIKO! WATCH OUT!"
The sudden raised voice that Eren had, had caused her to finally stop in her tracks… unfortunately, it wasn't the best timing. Turning around, she noticed a truck driving towards her, and with its high speed, it wouldn't be able to brake in time. Not only that, but the driver didn't seem to have even noticed the girl who was now frozen in the middle of the danger zone. However, there was still time for her to get out of the road… but she didn't.
The idea of death had been so new in her mind, and yet it managed to break her completely, so easily, it managed to fill her up with such pain so quickly. It gave her new dark thoughts.
"SACHIKO?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!" Eren screeched, but she didn't run, and Eren wasn't sure if he would be able to make it in time.
The brunette had no idea what was going on in the six year old's mind, but whatever it was, it caused his gut to twist so much in pain, in pain to see his own daughter like this. And the thought that he wouldn't even be able to be there to have a chance to fix everything, to help her, to hug her, to tell her everything was okay, that it wasn't her fault and that it was never her fault, had came across his mind unsettlingly. All his life, he wanted to give her the happiest life he ever could, but now, he wasn't sure if he could even save her life.
'Mikasa... Mikasa, please. Please help me save her… please help her. Please... please give me your strength. Please save her.'
With the truck only a small amount of metres away, Eren ran as if his own life depended on it.
Ah, how he wished to have been able to live a little longer with his daughter, because now, at this rate, in this cruel twisted world, he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to be by her side anymore.
Reaching the road, he ran towards Sachiko with the goal of saving her, to push her out of the way.
Now, was that goal able to be achieved? Or had it been too late for Sachiko? Or too late for Eren? …or had it been too late for the both of them?
Ah, will the beauty in this cold, cruel world ever show?
Author's Note: I hope this was okay, I was on writer's block for a bit :/ Please leave a review! Hmm now, did the two Jaegers live or did something unfortunate happen? HMmM… well, wait for next chapter to find out! haha… well, leave a review!
