Chapter Seven: Princess Sheldon

There was mad. There was angry. There was even furious. Then, there was Amy Farrah Fowler. And, honestly, she wasn't sure what she was anymore. All she knew was that, if she was home, she'd have been burning up the harp strings with Adele about now.

"Amy?"

She jerked, suddenly aware she wasn't alone in her lab like usual. How long have I been standing here? In a flash, she saw her interactions with the delivery man again, this time from Penny's point of view. More fodder for the hilarious joke that is the Shamy, she thought with a grimace. Pivoting around, she swiftly marched back to her desk. "You should go now, Penny."

"You've been quiet a long time. Wanna talk about it?"

She did, more than anything, but she knew talking about it would only make it worse. Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? But, then again, to have a normal boyfriend would mean she was a normal person with a normal life. Never going to happen. She'd made her peace with that early on in life. There were even times when she relished her uniqueness. But on days like today, it was difficult to remember why.

"Want me to go all junior rodeo on him?"

A giggle slipped out. She couldn't help it. The mere mental image of Sheldon being hogtied like a stubborn calf was funny. "No," she said, "it would only push him over the edge, and the note I sent him is already going to accomplish that far better than anything you can do to him."

"Yeah, speaking of which. What did you write in that note?"

"That's between Sheldon and me."

"All righty then. Do you want to go to lunch? My treat. Anywhere you want to go."

"I'm too upset to eat right now."

Penny sighed, obviously frustrated. "Look, you're my best friend. I want to be there for you, sweetie, but you're making it difficult."

Amy's jaw fell open. "I'm your best friend?"

Penny looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Of course. Did you think one argument was going to change that?"

Does she really not understand? "No, what I mean is that I call you my bestie all the time, but I'm fairly confident that's the first time you've ever reciprocated."

"Recipro-what?"

Amy rolled her eyes at her friend's less-than-stellar vocabulary. At times like this, it was annoyingly adorable. "It's the first time you've called me your best friend," she said, looking up and hating how much Penny's reply would mean to her. There were so many relationships in her life where she was the person who loved more. It happened so often, it had become second nature. It would be a welcome relief to finally see some of that emotional investment returned. But is it too much to hope for? Lord knew she'd be disappointed enough before.

"Amy," the blonde said, shoving a few piles of files and folders aside so she could heft herself up on the desk, "I've always found it easy to make friends. Growing up, if someone had asked if I had best friends, I'd have told them I had more than I could count on one hand. But I was wrong. Those people, they weren't my best friends. In fact, they weren't even what I would now consider friends. They were users. Any one of them would have stabbed me in the back without a second thought to get what they wanted. It wasn't until I met Leonard, Sheldon, and the guys that I understood what true friendship was. And, it wasn't until I met Bernadette and most especially you, that I understood and appreciated what best friends are." Her smile was watery and lopsided. "So, yeah, sweetie. You're my best friend."

It was too much. Amy couldn't handle it. She jumped up, throwing her arms around her bestie. "Thank you," she said hoarsely as tears poured down her cheeks. "Thank you for saying that." Finally, she kept thinking over and over. Finally.

Hands awkwardly patted at her back. "You're welcome. Thanks for being my friend—even when I sometimes act like a bitch."

"You're welcome." Amy pulled back, jerking open a nearby drawer in search of Kleenex, which she divvied out to Penny and herself. "My apologies," she said, mopping at her face. "I don't usually allow myself to wallow in emotion like that."

Penny shrugged, dabbing at her own face. "We're women. We're supposed to weep every once and a while. That's why God gave us chocolate and boxed wine."

"And harps," Amy added.

"Uh, yeah … and harps," Penny hastily agreed. "How's my makeup?"

Amy checked. "Perfect. As usual."

"Good," she said, putting the wadded up tissue in her purse.

"Do you still want to go to lunch?" Amy asked. "Because I'd like that now."

"Sure, but, before we go, I want to clear something up. What you said that night. You know, that we only think of your relationship with Sheldon as entertainment? It's not true."

"How can you not think that?" Amy asked. "Our relationship is hardly what anyone would consider conventional."

Penny held out a manicured hand to stop Amy's protests. "Just hear me out. I wish I could explain how Sheldon was before he met you, because you can't really understand unless you saw it for yourself. He was so computerized, cut off, alone and totally unaware of how sad that was to see. There was a reason we called him Shelbot, and it wasn't because we were complimenting him. Then, he met you and something magical happened."

"Magical?"

"Yeah, magical. Even from the beginning, he got strangest look on his face whenever you texted or Skyped him. It took me the longest time to figure out what it meant because I'd never seen it on him before."

"What was it?" Amy asked.

"It was joy. Pure joy. You've been so good for him, and I think he's been equally good for you. It was like you were both closed up flowers and being around each other helped you to bloom, you know?" Penny said. "Even Raj said it was like kismet when you two met. You scared the crap out of Howard."

"Really? Why?"

Penny shrugged. "I have no idea. That's just what Raj always says. My point is that it's hard to be a spectator to all of that and not get emotionally involved. That's why we call you 'Shamy'. It's not meant to be a joke. It's meant to show how much we support you guys being together, how much we want you to go the distance as a couple. I know it doesn't always come off like that, but it's true. This isn't an ordinary relationship you've got here. It's special, almost like a fairy tale."

"A fairy tale?" Amy scoffed. "Sheldon and I are the furthest thing from fairy tale one can get. I'm hardly the beautiful princess and he's certainly not the dashing knight on a white horse come to rescue me. The one time I dressed up as Snow White, I fell asleep on the couch waiting on him to kiss me. When I finally woke up, he'd covered me with an afghan and went to bed."

Her friend smiled and shook her head. "What if you're looking at it all wrong? What if he's the princess, and you're the dashing knight come to rescue him from his drab life?"

Penny was insane. That was the only way any of this made sense. "How much of the boxed wine did you drink before you came here?" Amy said.

"None," Penny clipped. "Just hear me out."

"Fine," Amy said. Yep, she's nuts.

Penny frowned. "Where was I?"

"Sheldon's apparently a princess and I'm a knight in shining armor come to rescue him."

"Right. It's like this story my dad used to tell me about a princess whose father died. He knew she'd have to marry one day, and he wanted to protect her from greedy jerks; so he left behind three boxes. One gold, one silver, and the third made of lead. In one of these boxes, he placed a picture of the princess, but nobody knew which one for sure.

"Then, he wrote notes on each box. On the gold one, he wrote, 'Whoever picks me will get what men really want.' On the silver one, he wrote, 'Whoever picks me will get exactly what he deserves." On the third box, he wrote, 'Whoever picks me must give all he has.' So, any man who came forward wanting to marry the princess had to choose a box. Only the one who picked the box with the picture in it could prove his right to marry her."

Amy nodded. "I know this story. It's Shakespeare. 'The Merchant of Venice.' And the woman wasn't a princess. She was a wealthy heiress named Portia. The first man came forward and chose the gold box, which housed an ugly skull and a note that said 'All that shines is not gold. Goodbye!' A second man chose the silver box, but it only held a fool's head and a note that said 'Many fools are hidden behind a silver covering. So be gone, sir!' Finally, a third man, Bassanio, who truly loved Portia, came forward and chose the lead box, which, of course, was the right one."

"Exactly," Penny said with a grin. "And they lived happily ever after."

"Actually, there's more to the story than that."

"Really? Huh. I might have to read that one then," Penny said. "Still, they did eventually live happily ever after, right?"

"Correct. But what does any of this have to do with me and Sheldon?"

"You're not the first woman to express romantic interest in Sheldon Cooper, you know. Raj told me about this party he and Sheldon had one night when Leonard was out. Well, when Sheldon's bedtime came, he went to sleep. Some girl there apparently had a crush on him. So, she knocked on his door and tried to get into bed with him."

Her jaw dropped. "Oh my God. No one ever told me that. What did Sheldon do?"
Penny laughed. "The girl gave him some phony line about how tired she was, and he told her she could sleep in his room. Then, he left her there and went to sleep in Leonard's room."

Amy laughed. She could see it all in her mind clearly. She also couldn't help but be impressed by Sheldon's gentlemanly behavior—especially considering how he generally didn't approve of anyone being in his room.

Penny continued, "So, this girl is like the first man who came after the princess. She went after Sheldon simply because she thought he was handsome and wanted to hook up. She didn't really know him, much less care a thing about him. So, she was denied."

Amy settled back into her chair, not sure where this story was going, but liking it nevertheless. "OK. Then, what?"

"Well, I told you all about that crazy stalker chick Ramona, didn't I?"

"Yes."

"Believe me, Sheldon wasn't at all interested in her romantically, but he let her stay around him because she catered to his every whim and she seemed interested in the sciency stuff he was doing. But, in the end, she was just like the second man who picked the silver box. Ramona was a fool because she never bothered to see Sheldon beyond the sciency stuff. She was just trying to ride his coattails long enough to get some recognition herself. So, she was denied as well."

"Am I supposed to be Bassanio in this scheme of yours?" Amy asked with a smile.

"Who?"

"The third man who actually picks the right box?"

Penny nodded. "Oh yeah. You're not with Sheldon simply because you think he's hot and you're not with him just 'cause he can do physics. You actually got to know him and like him for who he is. If that isn't you picking the right box, I don't know what is. And, from the looks of that big vase of roses he sent, I would say he wasn't denying you."

"No, he's trying to get me to sweep everything under the rug."

"Yeah and I'm pretty sure the note you sent him back more than made clear how much it didn't work. But, it's your date night tonight, isn't it? Has he sent you a text telling you it's canceled?"

Amy checked her phone just to be sure. "No."

Penny bounced up and down and clapped her hands. "Good. That means he's still coming."

"We're probably going to fight again. He stubbornly refuses to apologize or see that he did anything wrong. And since I refuse to just let this go, there's nothing else for us to do. Honestly, it's the first date night I haven't been happily anticipating."

"Yeah, but let me tell you something. If there is one thing I know about Sheldon, it is that he absolutely hates fighting. He'll avoid it at all costs—even if he's not the one fighting. If there's a chance at all there's going to be an argument between you two and he still comes tonight, I'd say that is a testament to how much he cares about you and your relationship."

"Maybe," Amy said, finding her once-heavy heart lightening.

"My point to all this yammering is that you guys are living this fairy tale and—as your friends—the rest of us get to have a front row seat to watch a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love story unfold. It's not about entertainment, my friend. It's about the love." She gave a dramatic sigh and slapped a playful hand against her forehead.

Amy rolled her eyes, but she couldn't stop smiling nonetheless. Penny had a strange way of making a point, but that didn't mean she hadn't actually made the point. It also made Amy see her relationship with Sheldon in a whole new light. Was it like a fairy tale? Hardly. A once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing? Maybe. She considered it deeper, remembering all the things about Sheldon that she liked, all the little quirks and personality traits that drove everyone else batty. He wasn't robotic, anal-retentive, unemotional, or too staid in his ways as people often thought. Most of the time, his actions seemed quite logical and utterly endearing to her. He preferred to live a life of rules, order, and rationality—something she could completely embrace.

Besides, who was she to judge when it came to personality quirks? She had more than enough of her own. Quirks Sheldon never seemed bothered by, now that she considered it. A once-in-a-lifetime relationship? Yeah. She guessed that was exactly what one would call it.

But there were some things even that couldn't erase.

Amy looked back up at her friend. "So you're saying I should just ignore the fact that he's trashed my reputation because I'm Bassanio and he's Portia and our relationship is the stuff of fairy tales?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What he did wasn't cool. Make him pay for it. In fact," Penny said, "I gotta say, for a woman who can't withhold sex from her boyfriend, you're still doing quite well at making him your bitch. Good job."

"Thanks," Amy replied, feeling strangely happy and proud of herself.

"Make Sheldon apologize. I'm just saying, after all this is over, remember that what you guys have is special. Don't worry about how other people see it or if you're not going by someone else's idea of a relationship. The once-in-a-lifetime love stories usually end up blazing all new trails anyway. Look at Lancelot and Guinevere and Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose from Titanic."

Amy frowned. "You realize, of course, that all of those love stories ended tragically?"

Penny pondered this a minute before waving away her concerns. "You still got my point and that's all that matters. Now, how about some lunch?"

"Deal. Let me get my purse."

Penny was right. She and Sheldon were special and, as soon as they got over this little hurdle in their relationship and he apologized, everything would be just fine. Amy could feel it.

"Yep," she told herself as she hung up her labcoat and reached for her purse, "everything will be just fine."

Of course, "fine" was the last word she would have used when she returned to her lab an hour later to find a small, wrapped parcel sitting on her desk. She didn't need to read the gift tag to know who it was from. The blazing red wrap topped off with a bright gold bow more than gave that away.