Ok so this chapter isn't as funny...well it was to me but that was just because i got the dark humour. Oh well, it will be funnier next chapter promise!
REVIEW if ya love it or hate it!
DON"T OWN IT!!
JPOV
What the hell just happened here? Did Bella and Edward just prank us?!
EMPOV
Finally Edward is getting some...maybe he won't be so polite and proper any more...maybe he'll dance to the spice girls with me!
RPOV
Did they or didn't they have sex? They were fully clothed when I came in...but Edward thanked her, why? They were sure acting happy!
BPOV
Edward set me down in our meadow and burst into laughter, falling to the ground next to me. I grabbed his hand in mine and waited for his amusement to die down.
"I'm glad you're having fun Edward...I never get to see you laugh like this" I whispered closing my eyes. I felt Edward go motionless beside me. I opened my eyes and he was leaning over me.
"What do you mean?" He looked socked.
"This is the first time I've really seen you laugh" I admitted, instantly feeling stupid for even bringing it up. "Just forget I said anything" I added quickly, turning my head away from him.
"I laugh around you all the time" He was instantly at my other side staring into my eyes.
"Well, you chuckle or smile but not...never mind Edward it's silly, I'm sorry I spoke my thoughts" I closed my eyes again.
"Bella, please..." Edward sounded so downcast. I opened my eyes and found him sitting up straight staring off into the distance. "I love to know what you're thinking, don't ever apologize for that, you should be able to tell me anything and everything...i want to know everything...I'm sorry I forced you to do something you didn't want to...I can't believe you've never seen me laugh" He finished gloomily, back to his old self so quickly.
"Edward, what exactly is it you forced me to do?" I sat up next to him and intertwined our hands.
"Kissing and making out on the couch and in the bathroom, feeling you up...and embarrassing you in front of everyone" He hung his head.
"Did you hear me complaining Edward? I will do anything for you...especially to see you laugh again or to get Emmett and Jasper off your case." I smiled sheepishly at him. "I actually enjoyed it...a lot...and I'm always embarrassed Edward. I would do it all over again in an instant" I squeezed his hand gently although he probably didn't feel it at all. He turned his head and captured my lips.
"I love you Bella, thank you" he smiled again, staring at me.
"I love you too and I was happy to help" He kissed me again.
"Why weren't you laughing as much as me Bella?" Edward questioned suddenly. I sighed, he wasn't going to like my answer.
"My ribs still hurt Edward, especially when I laugh too hard" I answered truthfully.
"Sorry Bella, how inconsiderate of me, I forgot, are you ok love?" He ran his hands lightly over my ribs, his cool hands soothing me slightly.
"I'm fine Edward...Promise me something?" I asked quietly.
"Anything Bella" He seemed eager.
"You see this is where you could get yourself into trouble..." I smiled at him as he chuckled again. "Just...just promise me you will try to have fun more often...I enjoy seeing you happy and laughing" His lips brushed against mine so quickly I thought I imagined it.
"I promise Bella...I'm always happy with you and I will try to laugh more often" Unfortunately my stomach growled...ruining the moment.
"I think I put your growl to shame Edward?" I teased lightly and heard his beautiful laugh...and it didn't even sound forced.
"My silly Bella, time to feed the human I suppose?" I nodded and he helped me up onto his back as we raced back to the house.
EPOV
We arrived back at the house just as Bella's stomach emitted another monster growl. I chuckled, sliding her off my back as we walked into the house. We were suddenly surrounded by my family.
"What's wrong Edward?"
"Why are you growling?" A variety of questions flew at us. I burst into laughter, a full blown fit...poor Bella this was really an embarrassing moment. I took and unnecessary deep breath and straightened up to witness Bella's bright red face and my family staring at me like I was insane.
"That...ha ha...wasn't...it was...ha ha" I couldn't get it out. Bella's stomach must have thought it was time for a demonstration because it roared again. All of my family's eyes snapped to Bella before laughter echoed around us. Bella was turning redder...if that was possible.
"Ok enough!" I shouted with a smile on my lips as I dragged Bella to the kitchen sitting her down on a stool.
"What would you like Bella?" I enquired sweetly.
"Sure...laugh at the poor defenceless human who can't control her bodily functions" Bella muttered quietly even by my standards, I had to strain to hear her.
"What was that Bella?" Alice asked, sitting down next to Bella, staring blatantly at her stomach. Three...two...one...stomach growl is go! I heard Alice think and turned to Bella. Sure enough, timed right to the tee, her stomach growled.
"I think we should feed her before she decided to eat US!" Emmett laughed walking over to where I was standing next to the fridge. "What are we cooking?" He continued excitedly.
"That's up to Bella, Emmett" I replied coolly, trying not to laugh at my poor Bella's expense again. "Bella, love what would you like me to make?" I turned my eyes to Bella.
"NOOOOOO!" Esme shrieked entering the room. Ok that was weird.
'What's wrong Esme?" Bella asked, frightened.
"I wanted to cook you lunch!" Esme explained, sounding saner this time.
"You still can" I remarked happily flashing to Bella's side, helping her stand. 'We'll be in my room" I clarified but then Emmett huffed.
"I wanted to make Bella lunch" Emmett whined.
"You and Esme can both work together Emmett" Rose delegated. Both Esme and Emmett bowed their heads.
"Well love, what do you feel like eating?" I breathed into her ear, watching delighted as she blushed.
"I feel like battered fish, but if it's too much trouble..." Emmett cut her off.
"Yeah! That sounds like fun, what do you think Esme?" Emmett was practically levitating with excitement. I led Bella out of the room, leaving Esme and Emmett to figure out Bella's strange request.
BPOV
Edward and I were just sitting in his room, listening to music when I heard banging coming from what I was sure was the kitchen. Uh oh. I asked for a really simple meal...what were they doing? I must have looked worried because Edward was suddenly all over me.
"What's wrong Bella, my love?" He demanded.
"What's going on downstairs?" I enquired slowly.
'Emmett's battering your fish" Edward shrugged, bemused at my expression. I instantly jumped off the couch and headed toward the door. Of course Edward intercepted me, picked me up and ran us down to the kitchen. I gasped at what I saw.
"Emmett what the hell are you doing?" I shrieked looking from him to the fish to the baseball bat that Emmett was pounding the poor fish, scales and all, with.
"Making you battered fish" He stated.
"Are you really going to eat that Bella? I've never seen a human eat anything like that before" Edward had his nose wrinkled and he looked like he was about to throw up.
"Of course humans don't eat that! Why would anyone eat a pulverised fish?" I slumped into a chair and put my head in my hands.
"Can't trust a vampire to cook anything" I muttered.
"See Emmett, like I said, Bella wanted it cooked in batter not battered" Esme chastised clicking her tongue.
"What am I going to do with you Emmett?" I wondered raising my head up out of my hands while Edward rubbed my back soothingly. Emmett stood there sheepishly swinging the bat around.
"Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm kind of relieved Bella doesn't want to eat that" Jasper spoke up from the corner of the room. Instantly Emmett broke out in laughter and the rest of us cracked a grin. Ah Jasper...always the one to lighten the mood. I smiled meekly at him and muttered a thank you.
"If you all don't mind, I would really like to make myself some edible lunch...I haven't eaten a decent meal in a couple of days" I stood up and shoved my hands in my pocket, not meeting Edward's eyes. It wasn't my fault I completely lost my appetite when he was away. Everyone silently slinked out of the kitchen...except for Edward. I could feel his eyes watching me, but I refused to meet his.
"Bella..." I heard his velvet voice echo near my ear and felt his hand on my chin, tilting it up. I closed my eyes shut. "Please look at me Bella" He sounded sad so, I, unable to refuse him, slowly peeled one eye open and then both when I noticed he was frowning. This isn't good.
"Yes Edward" I breathed.
"Why haven't you been eating?" He now sounded angry. I gulped audibly.
"I...um...ugh! I lose my appetite when you go away ok! Because I get so anxious about you and worry that you'll get hurt or that you won't...never mind" I huffed out quickly closing my eyes shut again. "And it's not like I didn't eat anything...I still ate, just not very much" I spoke softly now, my frustration abating.
"Why didn't you say something earlier?" He whispered in my ear.
"Because it's silly and you have to go hunt" I returned.
"Not about that, that I understand, I feel the same way, well not exactly but...I meant, today...why didn't you tell me you were hungry?" He traced my face with his fingers lightly. His voice was gentle so I slowly opened my eyes. His were inches from my face and smouldering once again.
"Honestly?" I muttered, staring into his deep topaz pools. (How corny does that sound!)
"Please Bella..." He kissed my jaw lightly and continued to stare back into my eyes.
"Because you and you're family make me uncomfortable...it is really hard to eat around a bunch of inhumanly perfect people without feeling a little self conscious. And, you all stare at me like I'm some kind of freak! It's just awkward and it makes me feel..." I trailed off, feeling like I'd upset him enough by these words.
"You feel what Bella?" Edward pressed, concern and understanding in his eyes. I sighed deeply.
"I feel fat. There I said it. You all make me feel fat" I met Edward's eyes again but they were dancing in amusement, not anger as I had expected. 1
"No wonder I can't read your mind! Where do you come up with this Bella?" He was now laughing his head off and gripping the counter to keep from falling over. I felt the tears build up in my eyes.
"I am never telling you anything again Edward Anthony Masen!" And I brushed past him and out of the kitchen. Of course he caught me before I had even made it half way to the stairs. He now looked remorseful and I was sure he would be crying if he could. Damn it! Why did I always have to go and bring him pain? I cast my eyes to the floor, the tears now falling freely onto my cheeks. His arms wrapped around my waist, but I resisted melting into his chest.
"Be...Bella please...you...can't...no...talk to me please Bella" His voice was laced with anguish.
"Edward I just told you I feel fat and insecure about myself and you started laughing at me and telling me my mind is screwed up." I choked out between sobs.
"Oh Bella. I'm sorry. Please forgive me Bella. I'm so sorry." He murmured and started kissing the tears off my cheek as they fell. I tried to push him away but failed. "How can you possible believe that? You are so beautiful and there isn't an ounce of fat on your gorgeous body! Bella, please, that statement you made was just so ridiculous...I can't even comprehend...I don't understand, you're not fat. Please tell me, make me understand" He ran his hand over my cheek and cupped my face. Begging me to tell him, to let him in...I instantly hated myself for being so cruel to him.
"I'm sorry Edward" I mumbled and leaned my head on his chest, hugging myself to him tightly.
"Bella...tell me what you're thinking...please...this is torture Bella, worse, say something. I just want to hear your soothing voice" He sighed into my hair. We were both latching onto each other...afraid what would happen if we let go. 2.
"I'm sorry Edward...I didn't mean it, I promise I'll always tell you everything...please don't be mad at me" I started sobbing uncontrollably. Have I always been this...emotional?
"Bella, shhhhh, its ok, of course I'm not mad. I love you, please stop crying, I hate seeing you upset" He kissed my neck softly and held me tighter to him. "You believe me don't you? You're not fat, you have an absolutely stunning body...sublime" He comforted, the truth in his voice resounding.
"I believe you Edward, I love you to." I pulled back and we stared into each other's eyes for a moment.
"Ha ha ha! We got you again suckers!" Nathaniel and Jasper were high fiving and burst into hysterics. I snapped my head to them feeling my anger rise. "That's for sending all that lust out before!" Jasper continued.
"You BASTARDS!" I shrieked.
"I knew the tag team effort would work!" Nathaniel laughed. I heard Edward growling but I didn't want to let him go yet...I knew I really did feel some of those things deep down...I was insecure.
"Edward please...don't" I breathed quietly, trying to calm myself and him down before we did a little tag team effort of our own. If I could I would rip them to pieces. He still heard me over the growling and the laughter. He looked down at me; my hands were clinging to his shirt.
"I'll kill you two assholes later" He snarled before kissing me and running me up to his room.
RPOV
Hey EDWARD! I hope you can hear me! You are an idiot! What kind of numbskull laughs at his girlfriend...no his FIANCEE, after she tells him she feels fat! If you had of done that to me I would have slapped your face, kicked your balls and run you over with Emmett's jeep for weeks! You're lucky Bella's so forgiving! Insensitive Jackass! 3.
EMPOV
Edward that was not cool. You hurt Bella's feelings. Not cool.
APOV
I told Carlisle to get Nathaniel out of the house but did he listen to me? Nooooo...never bet against THE ALICE!! Ha ha ha!
Edward, if you're listening, you need to make Bella believe and see what you see. She really is insecure...not THAT insecure as we just witnessed but a little bit deep down she is. I will have a little talk, cough – withholding sex, with my dear, cough, sweet husband.
CPOV
Well that's three strikes for Nathaniel...he's out. That was actually really cruel what he just did to Bella and Edward. Asshole, I give him a beating for Edward as I kick him out.
EPOV
I groaned quietly as the thoughts of my family echoed through my mind. Bella was curled up in my lap, she seemed fine now...I think, really angry though, wow, and I thought she was going to tear Nathaniel apart.
"Edward, I really am sorry, I don't know...well actually I do know what came over me but it doesn't really bother me if I'm not as pretty as Rose. I will never be, I'm sorry I went all emotional on you" Bella was shaking her head in disgust. I ran my hand through her hair softly.
"But you are Bella, to me you are more beautiful than Alice and Rose put together! I laughed at you...I'm the one who should be begging for your forgiveness and eternally in your debt" I captured her lips with mine, trying to portray my desire for her. She had to pull back first gasping for air.
"I believe you Edward" I sighed in relief, she sounded sincere. "But, um, can you do me a favour?" She sounded nervous, uh oh, what's wrong now? "Could you perhaps get me something to eat?" She whispered. I saw a smile spread across her face and we both started laughing our heads off.
"Sure thing Bella...I take it the battered fish is out?" I winked at her as she giggled some more.
1. Bella is usually self conscious about her beauty...or lack of in her mind... so i thought i'd take it to the next level if you will. No offense intended.
2. I sometimes find it amusing how needy they both can be...just trying to demonstate it.
3. I thought it was funny that Rose was all sensitve about bella's issues when she's usually hating on her.
DONT WORRY IF YOU DONT GET WHY I FOUND IT FUNNY...i have weird humour but next chapter i will revert to classic humor...pranks and what not... REVIEW
