I know it has taken me forever to update, and I sincerely apologize. School gets the best of me every now and then. Luckily, I should be free for a while. =) Lots of thanks to all the reviewers, who're undoubtedly the best, but let's not forget the favorites and alerts as well. =)
Enjoy!
Fog rolls in suddenly, coating everything in a blanket of damp and turning the air into a chalky wall. One could walk on forever in a field laden with the ghostly mist, never knowing exactly where they're going.
But the fog can lift just as quick as it can settle, with just the gentle brush of breeze to move it on its way.
For the second time I woke in a place unfamiliar to me. This time not on the floor of Halt's cottage, but leaning against the wall of the lean-to, Bracken's big head resting across my lap. The silly horse had gone and stretched himself out across the ground, laying out on his side so he could be close to me. At least I assumed that was the reason for such shenanigans.
"Are you alright?" Will asked, staring down at me with an almost innocent expression on his face. He was framed by the watery light of the early morning, and I felt I envied him just then. His brown eyes were bereft of the worry and guilt that plagued me, and instead filled with a boyish curiosity I no longer had.
"I'm fine," I murmured sleepily.
Bracken lifted his head and shook his mane, nickering at Will as he rose to his feet. The horse seemed unaffected by the night spent sleeping on the ground. It didn't exactly come as a surprise to me, but yet another thing that I was rather jealous of. Will offered me his hand as I grunted and rose, finding myself on swaying feet.
As if to steady me Bracken thrust his muzzle against my shoulder, letting out a snort that seemed to be an outrageous declaration of my clumsiness.
"I think he's trying to tell you you've let yourself go," Will chipped in helpfully. I had to smile at him.
"I have to agree, with both you and the horse," I retorted, giving Bracken's neck a good pat.
"He does act a lot like a Ranger horse."
Will's sudden statement startled me, and I nodded a bit too late. "He's a Ranger horse, through and through. I'm not quite sure I deserve to have him as a companion, but there's only one way to make sure he's well cared for."
"You could always have someone else take care of him, someone you trusted," Will suggested.
I wondered how it was such an articulate young boy had gotten apprenticed to the grimmest of Rangers. Certainly one like Will, who seemed so ready to talk to complete strangers must drive the quiet mentor near crazy. To me however it was a bit different. I couldn't say I had made many friends of late, and to have someone speak as if it didn't matter where I'd come from or what I'd done was a great comfort.
"I don't know many people willing enough to take care of Bracken. He is, after all, a Ranger horse. Perhaps it'd be best if a Ranger, one who knows how it is Ranger horse's are cared for, looked after him."
Will looked at me with eagerness brimming in his eyes. "I could do it," he said. "I could take care of him for you, just until you're well enough to care for him yourself."
Again I found myself smiling, "I'd be more than grateful if I had a hand looking after Bracken."
Bracken kicked a bucket to our feet as if to prompt us to get to work. The pail was empty, a few bits of oats from the night before scattered around it. He flicked his ears at us expectantly.
"Halt would probably put him out to graze instead of give him another bucket full of oats," Will mentioned as he picked up the bucket. "He thinks too many treats and easy meals make a horse fat."
There was something close to mischief in Will's voice. I shrugged in reply, "And what do you think?"
Will moved to one wall of the lean-to to collect a burlap sack. He unstrung the opening and pulled out a handful of oats to offer to Bracken. "I think that what Halt doesn't know won't inspire him to think of anymore chores to be done around the cottage."
I grinned. I too had been an apprentice before, with all the household chores being my responsibility. Channer had been merciless when it came to that particular aspect of being a Ranger apprentice. I cleaned so often as an apprentice that I began to find it hard not to keep things neat and tidy. My saddlebags were neatly arranged, with everything organized in a specific order. I could find what I needed from those leather cases with my eyes closed. Perhaps that was the sort of trait that was drilled into a Ranger apprentice.
"Besides," Will continued, his voice pulling me back from my thoughts. "He does look a bit skinny."
I'm not sure where Halt went that morning, but I do know when he came back. I was outside, knee deep in a cold stream behind the cabin. I'd asked Will the use of some soaps, and he'd happily obliged. He'd even given me something clean to dry off with and I found fresh clothes in my own saddlebags. They were a bit dusty from being packed away for travel, but with a bit of airing out they would be a welcome improvement to my current attire. When I'd woken I'd only been wearing my trousers, my cloak, and a great deal of bandages. I think it's safe to say that anything was better than that.
I felt bone weary already again. Once Will had helped me feed Bracken I'd got to work on grooming the horse. I felt I owed him that much for all he'd done for me. Bracken seemed to appreciate my effort, and he turned his head to eye his sleek flank admiringly. He made a great deal of thanking me by many fierce nudges. Much like my horse, I thought I might be more attractive if I cleaned myself up a bit. It's certainly what Channer would've done had he been in my place.
Noon found me down by the water, icy water swirling about my feet and plucking at the legs of my trousers. My ribs made movement painful and stiff, but that couldn't be helped. It wasn't long before Halt came down to the stream on silent feet. I might not have ever noticed he was there until he spoke.
"I didn't think you'd be up so soon."
I didn't turn, but kept myself busy at scrubbing the dirt from my hair. "Neither did I," I admitted before I bent to rinse the suds from my hair. My hair had grown longer, almost to the length that I could pull it back into a stub of a tail. I decided I'd cut it short again if I was ever permitted the use of a knife.
"Yesterday you mentioned something about the Kalkara."
I frowned, thinking. I spoke my words slowly, mulling them over in my mind before giving them life. "I did."
"When I asked you how you got the gash in your side you said you didn't remember."
I shook my head at him. "I didn't remember then, and I don't remember it all too well now. It was dark, and cool outside. Bracken did not like what we followed, but we did anyways."
Everything was vague, as it always was when I started to remember. Just snippets and hazy visions. Sometimes I could speculate and guess at what had happened. I'd learned to speak it all aloud to myself until I spoke the truth. It was unmistakable once one remembered. It all comes back in vivid detail. I waited for that sensation. I longed for it, but slowly I shook my head again. What I sought in my memory was simply not there today.
I can't blame Halt for not being deterred by my blank look. "What did you follow?"
"I believe it was the Kalkara." It was the best I could give him, and I gave no more. He left me to wash and went back to the cottage. Halt had brought fresh bandages and more salve. I had a harder time of cleaning the gash in my side, but I found my efforts were well worth the results. I trekked wearily back up the path, clad in clean clothes and fresh bandages.
Will was sitting at the table when I ventured back into the warmth of the cabin. The sun's watery light hadn't been warm enough to fight away the chill of the cold wash water, and the brush of warmth felt good.
The apprentice looked up from his work, which looked to be a map of the surrounding forest. He looked antagonized with a quill in hand. I left him to his charting and went in search of Halt. I'd been rather cynical about asking for the use of a knife to shave, and maybe cut my hair. I'd gone through my saddlebags to find that my own kit of shaving tools were missing, along with both my knives and my quiver of arrows. I could see why Halt might've taken them. I doubted that he worried for himself if I got a hold of a weapon, but more for his unlearned apprentice. I had to remind myself that I was a stranger still, living off their goodwill.
When I asked for something to shave with the Ranger had no disputes with giving me back my small kit. I didn't venture to ask for more than that, and Halt didn't offer me back my knives or arrows. I felt as if the understanding we'd reached had put us on equal footing. I believe that Halt trusted me just as much I trusted him. I wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or offended.
Brushing it aside for later thought, I went to shaping myself back to what I used to be. I'd accumulated a great deal of stubble since the last time I'd shaved, and I looked rather rough. I shaved, and for a long time I sat looking at myself in the glass. It was hard to believe the face that stared back was mine at all.
I'd gone gaunt, dreadfully so. My face was sullen, my cheekbones stood out to make my face hollow. I found myself looking at a pale and sickly man who wore my dark eyes and feathery brown hair. Even my hair had taken on a more lank look to it, the ends flat and listless. I was not at all who I once had been.
I had to wonder to myself, who was I now?
I fell asleep by the fire, the warmth of the flames caressing my skin better than a blanket. It was a deep and dreamless sleep, one that left me feeling well rested when I came back to wakefulness. I did so slowly, shifting in my chair as I heard voices. They fell silent, and I felt myself start to drift back to sleep.
"Griff?"
I stirred, wishing that the prodding voice would simply leave me alone. Someone shook my shoulder gently. I blinked lazily at them, turning my head away from the light of the fire. When had it gotten so bright?
"Come on," the firm hand was relentless. "There's food on the table."
The talk of food made me realize how hungry I was. My stomach let out a low rumble, urging me to rise. Halt did not wait for me to rise and follow him to the table. I took a moment to let the drowsiness of sleep relinquish it's hold on me before I levered myself to my feet.
Not much to my surprise, Halt and Will had not deigned to wait for me. They'd already settled into the usual routine of mentor and apprentice. A question from the apprentice followed by a sigh and a reply from the mentor.
Tonight's dinner was a beef stew. I knew before I even glanced at the bowl in front of the vacant chair what it was. An intoxicating fragrance preceded the meal, one that put me in mind of Channer. He'd always been very good at cooking, and he'd rather make a soup himself than ride to an inn where food was waiting. It seemed to have rubbed off on me, and even though I was grateful, I felt guilty at settling down to eat a bowl of stew I didn't help cook.
I'll cook for them another night, I promised myself. If they ever trust me enough to let me.
I ate patiently, savoring the taste as I pondered over what I could make. I knew how to make home cooked bread. I hated beating the dough, but the light and flakey rolls that resulted were very enticing. Maybe even muffins, like the kind mother used to make. The warm and steamy pastry was delicious, split in half and smeared with butter that melted even as one spread it.
"Griff?"
I looked up to find the eyes of both Ranger's on me. I realized with a sudden burst of embarrassment that they'd asked me something. I smiled apologetically at them in a vain effort to be friendly. Warmth surged up my neck.
"Sorry, I was thinking of what we might have for breakfast."
Halt's eyebrows rose at that. "Already thinking of breakfast, and you haven't even finished dinner."
My smile might have widened. I'm not sure if it did any good or not. I pictured myself, as gaunt as I had been in the looking glass with a half hearted smile plastered across my sallow face. Abruptly my mouth fell flat again and I molded my expression to what I hoped was less forward.
"Are you feeling better?"
Halt's question needed no pondering. Did I miss the days of agonizing travel through seemingly endless and changing terrain?
"A lot better, thank you." I think another smile might of curbed my lips, but it was not at all false as before. "I don't miss the bleary days of riding, not compared to clean clothes and food."
Halt made a sound, something like a grunt of agreement. I couldn't help but compare Will's mentor to my own. Channer would have said something comical in reply. I don't believe there was ever a time when silence prevailed at Channer's table, he had always been that outspoken. Halt was quieter, but none the less shrewder I decided. He looked to be older than my mentor had been, but not by too many years. Still, I found him lacking something essential to what a mentor should be. I couldn't sum it up to anything but him not being Channer.
After dinner we sat around the table, mentor and apprentice talking easily. I was silent, listening and pondering to myself. The mug in my hand was warm, accented with the aromatic fragrance of coffee that rose to entice me. I'm not sure if they thought I was being rude by being there, but companionship was something I had often been without. Even if I wasn't part of the conversation, I was at least not excluded.
"How many days had you ridden before we found you?" Halt asked, and I glanced up to find him looking at me. His question sounded genuine, not probing. I realized there had been a lull in the talk before Halt voiced his query.
I frowned and thought for a moment, "I'm not sure. More than just a few days, but certainly not too many." My answer was painfully vague, but it was better than lying to the Ranger.
"Where'd you set out from?" This came from Will, and that too I had to ponder. I remembered the village I had stayed at. I had been there for a time, or so they had told me. When I made the decision to leave they provided what little they could for me, and for that I had been grateful.
"A little village, on the plains. I took Bracken and headed for home before dawn one morning. I was surprised, to find it all gone to ruins."
Halt didn't seem surprised to hear that. "You were in Gorlan?"
I nodded. That much at least I could recall clearly. "I was looking for something, anything, that might be left. I did not find much. It's just tumbled masonry, with nothing left to offer but some shade."
Will's brown eyes were curious as a cat's as he spoke. "What was Gorlan like before?"
A thoughtful smile creased my brow. "It was wonderful. The Baron used to say it was most beautiful when beheld from a distance. Gorlan was certainly something when one could see it from a ways off, rising in the distance as a looming blue monolith draped in moonlight. It was something eerie and enchanting, but what was better was walking the streets among the people themselves. Gorlan was nothing at all like the other fiefs.
"Everything was so different there. In a way it was as if no one acted as they should have, and the cobbled walks were often crowded with exotic vendors who sold things from both the plains and the Mountains. Despite what many believe, there were people bold enough to brave the dangers of the mountains of Rain and Night. With them they brought back tales unheard of and the pelts and teeth off beasts not many have seen."
Will's eyes were round with wonder. I'm sure he'd heard many tales of all that resided in the Mountains of Rain and Night, and was considering what someone might have to do to get a pelt from such a fabled beast.
"Perhaps it's not truly that glorious. The Mountains themselves are not that remarkably. They're desolate, all grey stone and ice, and more often than not the creatures that lurk there come venturing too close for comfort. Men did not always kill them for the adventure of it, but more for the necessity of keeping their sheep from becoming a Wargals dinner."
I noticed with a bit of discomfort that Halt hadn't said anything as I spoke, and I suddenly felt as if I was being observed. The thought sent a shiver of dismay up my spine. I had not like being watched before. My eyes shifted to Halt, to find that he was rising from his chair to put another pot of water to boil. For a moment his gaze brushed mine, and I knew a moment of certain fear and an overwhelming need to be somewhere else.
This could not end like it had before. I had to leave here.
What scared me most about realizing this is that I had no idea where such thoughts stemmed from.
The healer came to see me again not long after Will had gone to sleep. I myself had been getting ready to spend another night before the hearth, though Halt was still awake, seated at the table with what looked to be letters spread before him. The woman knocked, and at Halt's beck she slipped inside the cabin, carrying in a warm brush of night air and liveliness.
"Ranger," she acknowledged Halt with a nod. Her bright eyes found me and a frown curved her lips. "Oh look, someone washed." There was genuine surprise in her voice. She joined me by the fire, slinging the small healer's satchel from her shoulder to her lap. Audrey sat cross legged and waved an impatient hand at me.
"Come on, off with your shirt. I've been on errands all day, and I've still more to do before I can sleep tonight. Don't make this any longer than it need be."
Had I been more wakeful I might have protested such brisk treatment, but I was tired, and as docile as a trained dog I tugged my shirt over my head as she bade me.
"You clean up nice," Audrey mentioned as she prodded my side.
Before I could be flattered she poked me in the side, "But you're dreadfully thin."
I sighed, a soft affirmation of her words. Audrey was swift a healer as I had ever encountered. Before I could grow impatient at her poking and prodding she was rewrapping the bandages that bound me and bidding me to wait a moment while she fetched Halt.
I'd nodded to her before I recognized the full meaning of her words. Fetch Halt? She'd already risen, and I watched as she took a place at the table across from the bearded Ranger. They conferred for a few minutes, and Audrey's voice rose in annoyance. She gestured at me with a slim hand, but would not look at me.
I felt a sinking feeling as they spoke. Was something wrong with me? I was not entirely sure why they would argue over something like that, and I didn't have the courage to ask for an explanation. Instead I tried to pretend that I hadn't been listening when Audrey reclaimed her place beside me once more.
"He's made me promise not to tell you, but he can't hide it from you forever. I'm not sure how exactly he intends to explain it to you, and I can only hope he doesn't do it rashly."
I wondered if the look on my face conveyed my complete ignorance of her words. If it did she took no notice.
"Believe him when he tells you, Sir Griff," Audrey told me. It scared me, the way her words seemed so ominous. She gathered her things, and without so much as another word to Halt or I one, the healer left.
For a long time I lay with her words ringing in my head. The sleep that had been so close had suddenly fled, leaving me with little more but the rafters to stare at. At some point Halt had doused the candle and gone to bed, and I felt more alone than I ever had before. The hearth fire had crackled down to nothing, and I watched the way the fading light sent long flickering fingers of shadow dancing across the living room.
A hollowness seemed to gap in me, a wide black void that I couldn't fill. I supposed there had once been a time that something had filled the space. I knew with a growing certainty it must've been someone, or some people. I ached to feel whole again, to reach out and know that there was someone I could call friend. Perhaps someone who needed me.
Part of me wished that I could say that Will or even Halt had become something of a friend to me, but Audrey's words brought that hope to a swift end. The healer had spoken of him as though he was keeping something from me, something that she thought important I should know. It seemed as though she too was in on the great secret. It all made me feel like a bird surrounded by hungry cats. I did not like this at all.
I hardened my resolve as I shifted to lay on my side. The dying embers of the fire cast an eerie glow over the floorboards around me. I could feel the crimson light veil my face. I enjoyed the simplicity of the moment as I thought. I felt the blanket chafing gently against my skin, and the cool of the floor beneath me growing warm with my presence.
For the second time that night I came to the same conclusion, but this time I found I had a reason. I had no place here, among the lives of two Ranger's and a healer who did not trust me. They did not need me, nor did I believe that they wanted me around at all, and so I came to my decision.
Suddenly it was blindingly clear to me.
I would leave here.
Thoughts on the chapter? I tried to tie the beginning and the ending together, but I'm not sure how I did. Does anyone care to share how they feel about Griff? Is he lacking?
Next chapter should be a fun one though. =) What, oh what, will Griff do to get away?
