Guess what guys? We're back. Scary, huh? It's been like, half a year since we last updated this. I wonder if people are still reading it with the flood of new fics that came in when Haruhi went ENG dubbed. To be honest, this chapter isn't our greatest. I'D APPRECIATE NO FLAMES. To those who are still gonna read it, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! To those who aren't...well...that means you're not even reading this, so...you suck! Hahaha. Just kidding. Anyway, this is Chapter 6...finally. THANKS FOR READING. Oh, and whoever can tell me where our disclaimer and chapter title comes from first by next Wednesday gets to choose an anime character to appear in the next chapter.
Special thanks to AJ and Maki, our forever fans . Even when the rest of you guys bail on us, those two will still be reading and laughing all the way. danielsgrassjugs
DISCLAIMER: This chapter of SHNC contains extreme stunts performed by animated teens. Do not try any of what you see at home. Seriously, you can get really messed up. OH YEAH, and we don't own Haruhi. In fact, this whole chapter is based off another anime.
CHAPTER 6
The Big Sleep
For someone who just safely got on the ferry, Kyon was very unhappy with his current predicament. When he found out Haruhi was after him, he knew they were all screwed. He wondered if was fate, or completely random that she would be after them.
"Surprise!" Itsuki said, popping up in his face.
"With you Itsuki, it's never a surprise," Kyon muttered.
"So what are we gonna do tonight?" Itsuki asked.
"The same thing we do every night Itsuki," Kyon said. "Try to take over the world!"
"What?" Itsuki said, confused. "Really?"
"Oh no, I was just...you know what, forget it," Kyon said. "We'll think of something later. We have to."
"And explain to me why you're not rowing?" Al asked Haruhi as she sat at the stern of the boat, demanding them to row.
"I was the coxswain in the school's rowing team before I quit," she replied with a smile. "So I figured I'd take up the role again."
Al grumbled. "This is ridiculous! This rowboat isn't going to last out here!" A small wave crashed in on them, filling the bottom of the boat with a shallow pool of water. "We can't catch up with the ferry in this thing!"
"Well not if you row like that! Come on guys, you are the worst rowers I've ever seen!"
"Isn't the coxswains suppose to motivate the team?" Tsuruya asked.
"I am motivating you," Haruhi replied. "With tough love! Keep rowing!"
"Holy shit! I am so serious!" Taniguchi screamed as they walked around the deck.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyon asked.
"I don't know, I just feel so serious."
"Oh come on," Itsuki said. "No one is more serious than me."
"Oh yeah?" Kyon said.
"I am more serious than you!" Taniguchi said as he pointed a finger at Itsuki. "And I'll prove it!"
"Is that so?" Itsuki asked.
"Kunikida!" Taniguchi called out.
"Yes?" Kunikida asked.
"I want you to take a picture of my serious face so I can show it to Itsuki."
"But we don't even have a camera," Kunikida said.
"This is total nonsense," Kyon muttered.
All of a sudden the captain made an announcement on the intercom.
"Attention! We're going to hit an iceberg. I could steer away from it, and escape ultimate doom, but my Major Depressive Disorder is manifesting into suicidal thoughts and I want to take you all with me."
"Oh crap," Kyon said.
"We have to get out of here!" Itsuki commented.
"No shit," Kyon added.
As they ran to find an emergency boat, Kyon stopped as he realized, "Wait. There aren't any life boats on a ferry. And there sure aren't any icebergs anywhere near here." He started to laugh. "Hey guys, don't worry. It's impossible."
"How do you know?" Taniguchi cried as he ran around. "You don't look serious at all!"
"Holy crap!" Haruhi yelled, standing up at the front of the boat, causing it to rock violently.
"Don't make such sudden movements!" Al yelled, grasping onto the side of the boat. Mikuru almost fell out.
"I forgot to turn off my toaster."
Al let out a sigh. "Lets just keep rowing."
"You know, I made a decision once," Haruhi said, nonchalantly. "To take steroids."
Everyone gasped, including Haruhi herself.
"Really!?" Tsuruya asked.
"That's right Tsuruya," Haruhi said. "It may have given me fame and the ability to break the fourth wall, but there was dark side to it. I could tell you, but maybe I should sing it instead!"
All of sudden, cheesy techno music began playing.
Haruhi: "I took roids to me me strong!"
Tsuruya: "But don't you know that roids are wrong?"
Haruhi: "But it gave me my career!"
Mikuru: "It can give a girl a beard!"
Haruhi: "What will I do with out my Benz?"
Al: "You can do homework or hang out with friends."
Haruhi: "That's right! Roids are wrong! And so concludes my parodied song!"
"Ok, we killed a paragraph right? Lets get the hell out of here."
As Kyon and company ran looking for some way to get off the ferry, Itsuki stopped in his tracks.
"Itsuki, what's wrong?" Kyon asked.
"I don't know," Itsuki said. "But I think I felt someone break the Fourth Wall."
"That's Impossible," Yuki said. "There is no way for an anomaly like that to happen. Now I'm beginning to wonder when the writers will give me more dialogue."
"Wait, Itsuki said, confused. "Didn't you just do it right now?"
"Don't be silly," Kunikida added with a smile. "That can't possibly happen. Even the reader won't believe you."
"You see! It happened again!" Itsuki said, pointing to Kunikida.
"Look," Kyon said. "I'm sure it's nothing, lets just get the fuck out of here."
"Aw man," Taniguchi butted in. "But I didn't even get any dialogue . My fans will be very disappointed."
"Look, we have get out of here," Kyon said, frustrated by the nonsense, even though it was fun making fun of Itsuki. "Lets try jumping over board."
"And end up like the guy in Castaway?" Taniguchi asked. "No way!"
All of a sudden, a series of explosions were heard, and a giant one engulfed the ferry's deck. As the explosion occurred, Kyon shielded his face. Oh God, this is the end, isn't it? He expected something to happen-bodies in the air, fire burning down the ferry-but after a few seconds he unshielded his face and saw everything and everyone was frozen in time. In fact, it seemed like he was the only one unaffected as he floated in the air with the disaster below him.
"What the..." Kyon muttered, looking around slowly.
"Ahh...finally. I have been waiting to speak with you, face to...face," said a slow, raspy, yet commanding voice.
Kyon saw everything fade to black, and then a middle-aged man with a tall and thin physique holding a briefcase came out of nowhere.
"Who are you?" Kyon asked.
"I'm...not a liberty to say, but others call me the...G...Man."
"Ok, whats happening? What did you do with everyone...and everything?" Kyon demanded.
"Oh don't worry," The G-Man said. " Your...friends are ok, but as for you, I have been watching you ever since the...events at a certain Tanabata festival."
"Wait...you've been stalking me?" Kyon asked. "After all I've been through, I'm really not surprised."
"Putting your reactions aside," The G-Man said. "I've been observing you from afar...and so far I'm liking what I see."
"What!?" Kyon replied. That sounds some what sexual...
"No, no...not like that," the G-Man said. "I mean your actions...have piqued my interest for a long time. You and your...friends have been tasked with keeping a great power in check."
"Who? Haruhi, you mean?"
"Yes...that girl. And you are the key. My employers have...taken an interest in you."
"Employers?"
"Correct...I report to a larger organization. You are well acquainted...with one of the members"
"Who? Is it..."
"I will leave that...bit of information disclosed for the time being. Very well...this is my stop. We shall meet again. Oh, one more final word," The G-Man said, backing away. "Make sure to prepare for...unforeseen consequences."
All of a sudden, the G-Man turned to his right as a glowing, white portal appeared in the darkness. He stepped into it and closed it behind him, leaving Kyon in complete darkness.
"OH EM GEE!" Haruhi yelled, standing from the boat.
"WIITT?" Al asked.
"IDK, MY BFF JILL!" Haruhi replied. "But seriously, the ferry just exploded and it looks like all the dead bodies landed on that island over there!"
"NO WEI!" Tsuruya said.
"STFU!" Mikuru screamed.
"OMGWTFBBQ!!" Kyon's sister piped in.
"WNTFAWTTIBWHTFTE!" Haruhi said, jumping off the boat.
"...What?" Al asked.
"Never mind," Haruhi replied, spitting out water. She held out her hand as Tsuruya and Mikuru helped her back into the boat. "I said we need to find a way to the island because we have to find the escapees."
"I agree," Al said. "But how are we supposed to reach the island. It's so far."
"Hmm..." Haruhi thought, wringing her clothes. "A shark would be very appropriate right now."
"Hows so?" Tsuruya asked.
"Haven't you ever seen Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge?"
Kyon opened his eyes. He expected to be at the bottom of the ocean, or floating in a great, white space. Instead, he found himself lying in his bed.
"What the? Where the hell am I?" Kyon yelled.
"Not so loud!" Kyon's sister came into his room and sat on his bed. "You overslept again and you're late for school!"
"WHAT!? It's 10'o'clock...crap, crap...Hold on, aren't you supposed to be in school right now?"
Kyon rubbed his eyes and his sister was gone. In her place was Yuki, in the costume she wore during Haruhi's concert, eating an apple.
"What...Yuki...you...costume...apple?" Kyon stuttered in shock.
Yuki slowly turned around to face him, but instead of her face, it was the face of the G-Man.
"Rise and...shine, Kyon," the G-Man greeted him.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kyon screamed.
Kyon closed his eyes again. Then he heard a voice saying "Wake up...Wake up". He opened his eyes again, thinking that he would see the Yuki/G-Man hybrid again, but instead, he woke up to Itsuki shaking him.
"Dude, I think he's dead," said Kunikida.
"Alright, its settled. We eat his body for sustenance and use his bones to build weapons and shelter," suggested Taniguchi.
"Wha...NO! Are you crazy!?," Kyon yelled out.
"He's alive! But I think he needs a little CPR," Itsuki announced.
Itsuki bent over, closing in on Kyon's mouth.
"Uggh, NO!" Kyon screamed. He rolled out from underneath Itsuki just in time, causing Itsuki to bury his face in the sand.
"Hold on, are we alive? Where are we?" Kyon asked, looking around.
"Yeah. We got thrown into the water after the explosion and washed up on this deserted island," Taniguchi explained. "Since then, we've been trying to find a way off this damn island."
"Hold on, how long have we been here?"
" 'Bout 2 hours," Kunikida replied.
"Yeah, we thought you were dead. Anyways, you could be dying and I'd still be alive. And you could be dead and I'd still be alive. Still alive. Still alive!" Itsuki sung.
Kyon let out a sigh of relief. "Hey, where's Yuki?"
Itsuki pointed over to a nearby log. Yuki was sitting with her back turned to them. She was eating an apple and wearing the costume.
"I won't even ask," Kyon said.
"No. What's that?" Al asked.
"A show I was watching back home. This girl was trying to get to this island, and a shark attacked her boat and she ended up flying all the way to the island."
"And that's how you plan to get there?" Al asked. "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."
"But I saw it on the show!" Haruhi protested.
"Was it a live show?"
"Nope," she said. "It was an anime."
"Ya see?!" Al yelled. "It is a dumb idea!"
"Well it's the only idea I have," Haruhi said. She crossed her arms and pouted. "What great idea do you have?"
"Why don't we just row there? I don't see what's wrong with that."
"It's too time consuming and not dramatic in the slightest."
"I can't believe we're talking about this..."
"Umm..." Mikuru said, pointing behind Haruhi. "What's that?"
The group turn to check what "that" was and the minute they figured it out, they were all in disbelief.
"It's not possible to have a tsunami right now!" Al yelled, burrying his head in his hands.
"Acckkkkkk!" Mikuru yelled, clinging onto Tsuruya. Kyon's little sister, in turn, clutches Mikuru.
"PERFECT!" Haruhi yelled, standing up suddenly. "This will throw us onto the shore of the island!"
"Do you have no concern for safety?" Al asked in fear.
"Huh?" She merely asked.
"I hate you," he glared.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mikuru yelled. "It's here!"
"Don't worry!" Haruhi said with a smile on her face as the wave came closer. "If you don't believe in it, it can't hurt you!"
With her last idiotic phrase, the wave crashed into them, causing them to black out as they drifted towards the island.
After making shelter, Kyon and buds started to look for food.
"Ok," Itsuki said. "We need to find some food. The sun is starting to set, and the man-eating animal are about to prowl."
"What?" Kyon asked skeptically. "The sun isn't even setting."
"Who goes first?" Kunikida asked.
"One-two-three-not-first!" Itsuki, Taniguchi and Kunikida all said quickly at the same time.
"One-two...aw crap," Kyon said.
"Alright, that means you and Yuki go and find us food," Itsuki said.
"Fine." Kyon said. "Come on Yuki."
Yuki gave a slight nod and began to follow Kyon into the forest.
Once in the forest, Yuki and Kyon seemed to have a hard time finding food. Sure there were random berries and grubs, but he didn't know what they could eat and what could get them a horrible disease.
"So..." Kyon said to break the silence. "What do you think of our current situation?"
"Fine," Yuki said.
"Um...ok." Wow she really needs to say more in social situations.
"But..." Yuki said.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you calling me by my first name?"
'Well, Haruhi made do it for a week, and now I'm use to it," Kyon said, looking around the forest floor. "Is it bothering you?"
"No."
"Alright then, but I'll try not to next time," Kyon said. "Say, Nagato?"
"Yes?"
"All this stuff that has happened hasn't been all...planned, right?"
"No special data manipulation has been used for these events," Yuki replied.
"Really? All this stuff, SHAMELESS, the bear, Johnson, it doesn't seem like all this can just happen."
"The percent of an event like this occurring is 1.17 percent."
"Well that's safe to know. I guess."
Kyon decided to drop the conversation as it was tiring to look for food, figure out who the G-Man was and keep up a casual conversation with Yuki. The latter was extremely tiring by itself. After searching for about an hour, Kyon had found plenty of things-a cave, a fallen tree, a chipmunk-but nothing they could eat. Extremely bored, Kyon decided that maybe Itsuki and the rest would have better luck and that they should head back to camp.
"Lets go back," Kyon said, turning around and heading back down the path. Yuki nodded and followed him. Everything was going well until Kyon rounded a corner where a random bear appeared and attacked him out of nowhere.
"Get it off of me!" Kyon yelled frantically as the bear was about to claw his face off. He shielded his face, ready for the worst, when Yuki, with Super-Man like strength, grabbed the bear off Kyon and threw it up in the air and out of the path.
"Wow," Kyon panted. "I thought I was a goner." As Kyon was about to get up, Yuki let out her hand to him up. After a moments pause, Kyon smiled and accepted. "Thanks."
"Get a room!" Taniguchi yelled. In reality, they were searching very close to the group.
"Shut up!" Kyon said.
"Where...am I?" Haruhi asked, slowly sitting up. Looking around she realized she was in a small row boat being steered by a small girl with long black hair and large red eyes. "Hey! Where are you taking me?"
The girl didn't say anything as she continued to row, staring in the distance.
"Answer me!" Haruhi yelled, trying to get up. Ropes binded her arms to the boat, however, and Haruhi began to struggle violently. "What the hell? What the hell did I do to deserve this?"
Suddenly, a miniature Kyon climbed onto her shoulder and said, "Haruhi, why did you have to get off my balls and kill me?"
"What?" She yelled.
"I will carry this vengeance to hell," the girl said, towards the distance.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Haruhi woke up in a sweat under the bright afternoon sun. She looked around and realized that it was all a dream. Mikuru, Tsuruya, Al and Little Sis were all scattered on the beach, still unconscious from the force of the wave. She rubbed her eyes and slowly got up to inspect the area.
The island seemed to be untouched with clean white sand and crystal clear waters. Behind the beach there was a dense forest that seemed to consume the rest of the island. She reached inside her pocket, expecting to feel the hard plastic of the small triangular locater. After shuffling around, however, she realized that while the walkie talkie was still there, the tracker had washed away into the depths of the ocean.
"Crap," she whispered, sitting on the sand against the tree. Rubbing her forehead she suddenly smiled when she came to a realization: the escapees were already on the island with no way out. She was sure to catch them if she hurried. She began to laugh malevolently. "There's no way out now!" With a new found spirit, Haruhi began to wake up the rest of the group as violently as ever.
"Wake up guys!" She kicked Al's leg as he lay next to a washed up log.
"Ow!" He said, getting up. "That hurt!"
"We've got no time!" She yelled as she shook Tsuruya's shoulders.
"What happeneds?" She asked, groggy.
"We have to go find the escapees. They're trap on this island with nowhere to go! How simple is this gonna be!" With a wide grin, she stooped over Little Sis' face and opened her eye lids and lightly slapping her on the face.
"Ahhh," Little Sis yelled, startled. Haruhi let go of her as she lay there, fully awake.
"Lets go Mikuru," she said, picking her up. Mikuru came to as Haruhi was about to throw her back into the water.
"GAH!" Mikuru screamed, kicking her legs.
"Oh good, you're awake," Haruhi said, dropping her violently. "Lets go!
"Hold on there!" Al said as Haruhi started to walk into the forest.
"What?"
"Do you even know where they are? How far away are they from here?"
"How should I know," Haruhi said, turning her back to him and walking towards the forest.
"You have the tracker!" He yelled.
"Oh. I lost it."
"Ok, since we don't have any food, because of these two were distracted by each other," Taniguchi said as Kyon's face was filled with anger. "I guess we have to split up into groups."
"Ok, first off," Kyon said. "Me and Yuki are going together."
"You would like that wouldn't you?" Taniguchi said with a smirk. Kunikida chuckled.
"Shut up," Kyon repeated.
"Whatever," Taniguchi said. "Me and Kunikida will look together, ok?"
"Yeah, sure," Kunikida replied.
"I guess that means I'm all by myself," Itsuki said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Alright, we meet back here in an hour," Kyon said. "Agreed?"
"Agreed," Everyone replied.
"All right then, lets go."
Kyon and Yuki once again began searching for food. As they continued to do there part of this menial task, Yuki asked Kyon, "Why did you chose me to come with you?"
"Well, putting it this way," Kyon said. "Taniguchi and Kunikida can be a bit annoying sometimes, and Itsuki..well...never mind that. I just wanted someone peaceful around."
"Oh," Yuki said.
"Yeah..." Kyon said, a bit puzzled by her response. "Lets just get to the task at hand."
As they continued to walk deeper into the forest, they were unaware of a strange mist developing behind them.
"Man, this sucks," Taniguchi complained, kicking away a small rock in the path. "I could be making out with a hot girl back home right now."
"It's already been half an hour," Kunikida said, deciding not to touch upon Taniguchi's second remark. "Maybe we should head back already since it could take us awhile."
"We've got plenty of time."
"Yeah, but we haven't found any food yet. Maybe the others have."
"Come on, lets just keep looking anyway."
As Taniguchi and Kunikida kept walking, Taniguchi continued to talk casually about how good he was with the ladies, not paying attention to the path ahead. "One time," He said, walking backwards in order to face his friend. "I met this one girl at the store, and she instantly fell in love with me-AHHHHHHHH!" Like the idiot he was, he fell right into a medium sized crevasse.
Kunikida, in shock, attempted to grab him before he fell in, but he just ended up following him down there.
"We searched forever," Little Sis whined. "I though you said it would be easy to find them Haruhi."
"Well, she lied," Al said, sitting on the washed up log. They had found their way back to the beach after an hour or two of walking in circles, each one hungry and tired. "But it would have been easy if Haruhi hadn't lost the stupid tracker!"
"It's not my fault it got washed away in the ocean! Besides, we didn't try hard enough! You guys kept on complaining!"
"That's because we haven't had anything to eat or drink all day in this heat-"
"What about that free ice-"
"-other than your free ice, and we have virtually no energy after rowing all morning!" Al was already up and in Haruhi's face. She started at him and then said, "Fine. Lets split into two groups. One will look for food and the other can rest. I'll go and look for food. Who's with me?"
Looking around, no body raised their hands, all hoping to rest. Haruhi grew annoyed and said, "Fine. I'll go by myself! Just page me on the walkie talkie if something major happens." With that she stomped off into the forest, arms crossed.
"Is it really oks to let Haruhi go off by herself?" Tsuruya asked, sitting next to Al.
"Well, she seems ok with it," he replied, closing his eyes. "Besides what could possibly get our invincible Haruhi?"
"...Those stupid..." Haruhi mumbled as she walked through the forest, staring at the ground. She was lost in thought when she saw something up ahead of the path. She walked quickly towards the object and then gasped when she found out what it was. There lying in the dirt was a human skull, shiny and white as if it had been bleached multiple times. Forgetting her goal, Haruhi rushed back to the others with the skull in hand, not noticing the trail of mist coming from the eye sockets. As she ran, a deep voice yelled out," PLAY BALL."
Deep inside the crevasse there was a little ledge far below which, fortunatley for Taniguchi and Kunikida, caught them. They were stuck there for about ten minutes and already Kunikida was in the fetal position, crying his eyes off.
"I'm scared! I'm scared!"
"Stop crying!" Taniguchi said. "Will find some way out of this."
"Don't shout at me!" Kunikida said, hurt.
Taniguchi looked away from Kunikida and closed his eyes, starting to daydream. If there was a beautiful girl beside me, this wouldn't be so bad. He envisioned himself holding a beautiful girl with giant boobs in his arms, giggling stupidly.
As Taniguchi was having his fantasy, it was Kunikida's turn to daydream. At a moment like this...if I had a cute animal beside me...it would be alright. To set his mind at easy, he imagined himself cuddling a bear cub.
Both Taniguchi and Kunikida let out a sigh.
"Look, just hang in there for a while," Taniguchi said, unaware of a strange fog surrounding him. "I think we'll get..."
Opening his eyes Taniguchi gasped as he saw a beautiful girl now sitting right beside him in place of Kunikida.
"I didn't think things would turn out so well!" Taniguchi said, joyfully.
"Huh? What?" Kunikida asked, confused by Taniguchi's remark.
It was now Kunikida's turn to gasp. Opening his eyes, he saw a bear cub right beside him.
"N-no way!" Kunikida cried. "A real bear!?"
"I can't hold back any more!" Taniguchi yelled.
"To think there's a cute animal in a place like this!" Kunikida said.
"Let me hold you!" They both cried as they embraced each other, not realizing they were hugging one another.
Haruhi was running back towards the beach when everything around her started to go dark, enveloping her in black.
"What the-?" Haruhi muttered, slowly stopping. Looking around the darkness, she was startled as stadium lights lit up, revealing a baseball field. It was foggy, and the field seemed to stretch out for miles. As Haruhi looked at here surroundings, she spotted a mysterious figure walking toward her. At first she couldn't identify who it was, but as it got closer, it was none other than Kyon.
"Kyon?" Haruhi asked, confused."What are you doing here? What is this place?"
"This the world you created," Kyon said with a smile.
"What the hell are you talking about!?" Haruhi asked, becoming even more confused and slightly annoyed.
The surprises didn't end there. All of a sudden a butt load of ninjas came out of the sky. To add to the confusion, a knife appeared in Haruhi's hand. She looked around at the craziness and wondered if she was drugged or something. As the ninjas were about to attack, Haruhi put up a defensive and smiled. I have no idea if this is real or a fantasy, but what ever it is, this is so awesome. "Come and get some!" she yelled as the ninjas began to strike.
As Kyon and Yuki continued there fruitless search for food, it gave time for Kyon to look over the events he experienced over the last few days. He wondered if Haruhi was still after him and the rest, but given her determined spirit, he decided she probably was. And then the mysterious G-man character. He couldn't help but wonder who he worked for. The government? A race of super beings? Anything was possible. But the G-man said he knew his employers, and when it came to mysterious people working for mysterious groups, he could only think of three factions that he could be working for. As Kyon was thinking about theories and conspiracies, he suddenly found Yuki was no longer at his side.
"Oh great," Kyon muttered. "Nagato! Where are you!?"
Elsewhere, Yuki was wondering where she was well. She found her self in a vast, empty library with rows and rows of books all lined together in tall shelves. Yuki looked around and wondered were Kyon was.
She began searching for him in the massive library, but her search was useless as the room seemed endless. All of a sudden, a certain book she wanted to read appeared right in front of her on the floor.
She wanted to continue with her search, but for some reason, she couldn't keep her mind of the book. After a long battle of the wills, she decided to read it for a few minutes, and then look for him. She found a chair, and sat down, reading.
After a few minutes, Kyon found Yuki's unconscious body laying next to a tree. He kept trying to wake her up, but to no avail.
"Wake up!'' Kyon yelled. ''I have an apple!"
Even that didn't wake her up. As Kyon kept trying over and over again, the mysterious fog was around him, and soon, he fell unconscious.
"I'm so tired," Mikuru yawned as she leaned against a tree trunk. "And hungry."
"Well," Al said, eyes closing every now and then. "Hopefully Haruhi will be back soon."
Tsuruya and Little Sis had fallen asleep as Al and Mikuru waited silently for Haruhi's return. Sleepy and tired, they didn't notice the fog that started to develop around them.
"I could kill for some decent food right now," Al said with his eyes closed. Opening them slowly, however, he found that he was no longer on the island, but back in the computer club room hovering over Yuki Nagato, showing her how to...well...program a computer is what it looked like.
"Wait," Yuki said, grabbing his hand on the mouse. Her hand felt warm to him, and he couldn't help but blush. "So, you just key in this code and you are in?"
"Uh...yeah," Al said, confused but pleased.
"Wow," Yuki said with a bit of enthusiasm and a smile. "You are amazing."
"Well," Al smirked, backing out and crossing his arms. "I am pretty great with these things!"
"Truly," Yuki said, getting out of her chair. As she stood up, she stared at the computer club president's eyes, giving him chills down his back.
"What's wrong?" He asked, dumb founded.
"Nothing, it's just...I wanted to tell you...something..." Her stare was now directed towards the linoleum floor.
"What is it?" Al asked, concerned. "You can tell me anything."
"I just...I..." It was as if Yuki had suddenly been injected with extra cuteness and her stuttering made Al laugh. It's just like one of those shoujou manga's, Al thought. Or a horrible fan fic! Wait. Stuttering? Wanting to tell me something? Horrible fan fic? "Yuki, you don't-"
"Al, I'm in love with you!" She yelled, embarrassed. She was looking at the floor, blushing like crazy.
Al was stunned. Pleasantly stunned. "Yuki, I..."
"Yes?" She said, still looking at the floor.
"Yuki, I love you too!"
"You do?" She squealed.
"Yes!"
There was a moment of silence before they were all over each other.
When Kyon awoke, his vision was a bit blurry, but quickly saw he was in the SOS brigade clubroom. He expected Haruhi to be standing over him taking pictures, but was surprised she wasn't even there. He saw Itsuki sitting across from, Yuki reading a book in the corner, and Mikuru preparing tea.
"Your awake," Itsuki said cheerfully.
"Where's Haruhi?"
"Who?" Itsuki asked.
"You know," Kyon said. "Haruhi Suzumiya? Your agency's supposed God?"
"Agency?" Itsuki asked, clearly confused "Are you okay Kyon?"
Kyon started to panic. He didn't end up in some other universe again, did he?
"Asahina!" Kyon said frantically. "You are time traveler, aren't you?"
"A time traveler?" Mikuru asked, looking concerned. "I'm not a time traveler."
"Nagato!" Kyon said. "Please tell me your an alien data entity."
"What are you saying?" Yuki asked plainly.
For Kyon this shouldn't be a shock-he dealt with a similar experience before-but for some reason he felt this was caused by something other than Haruhi. It only added to the pile of mysteries Kyon had left to solve.
"I'm going out for a walk," Kyon said, quickly heading towards the door.
"You go do that," Itsuki said. "Maybe you'll get your head cleared.
As Kyon walked out of the clubroom, he thought: Oh crap. If this is a dream, I have to wake myself up. With no plan in motion, Kyon decided to go next door to the Computer Club. He knocked on the door, and after a few seconds later, the president appeared.
"Yes?" He asked. "How may we help you?"
"Yeah," Kyon said uneasy. "You do know who I am...right?"
"Uh...no."
Kyon closed the door in his face. He began to wonder the halls aimlessly until he encountered Tsuyura.
"Hey Kyon," She said. "Do you want to come to my house and drink syrup and play hockey? You remember prosmisin yesterday you'd come over, eh?"
After hearing her, Kyon quickly turned away and began to walk off.
"It must be a dream," Kyon whispered, paranoid. "But if it isn't, what do I do? And if it is, how am I suppose to wake up!?"
Kyon turned his head around in multiple camera shots before saying, "I'm in despair! The fact this is driving me crazy has left me in despair!"
As Kyon kept ranting about his despair, he had no idea he was walking right down a flight of stairs. He tripped on them, and brutally fell to the ground. Then, everything turned black.
Before Mikuru knew it, she had fallen asleep, only to be awaken by a loud bang.
"Gyahhhh!" She yelled, jumping in her spot. "Haru...hi?" Looking around she found she was no longer at camp, but at her own home. "What..."
"I'm sorry Mikuru!" Kyon said, suddenly popping out of the kitchen. "I dropped a pan."
"Oh no! It's fine! Are you alright?" She said, rushing over to him. Was the camp and the island all a dream?
"I'm fine," Kyon said with a smile. "Don't worry. Let me finish dinner. Just wait! It will be the best birthday dinner you've ever had."
Birthday...dinner? Mikuru was definitely confused, but she kept silent. After all, one of her greatest desires was to have a private dinner with Kyon...
"Wake up, sis!" said a familiar, soft voice.
Sis...Little Sis thought. Kyon's voice doesn't sound like that...
"Wake up! You're gonna be late for school."
School? "What...school? It's summer..." Opening her eyes, Little Sis found Mikuru standing over her bed with her ever so warm smile. "Mikuru!"
"Yes?" She asked, sitting on her bed.
"What happened? Why are we back home?"
"What do you mean," Mikuru asked confused. "We've been home all this ti-"
"But," Littles Sis cut in, sitting up. "What about the island? And the summer camp and catching the escapees!"
Mikuru just smiled. "Silly. That was probably all a dream."
"And why are you here!" Little Sis demanded. "Where's Kyon?"
"Kyon?" Mikuru asked. "Who's that?"
"What?" Little Sis yelled in disbelief. "Kyon! My stupid older brother!"
"Um...Sis..." Mikuru said, concerned. "You don't have a brother. Just me. Your older sister."
"Wait," Little Sis said, standing up and pacing her room. "Are you telling me that you're my older sister?"
"Well...yes."
Little Sis thought about this for awhile and then smiled.
"YES!"
"Wake up!" A familiar voice rang out to Kyon.
Kyon was still feeling disoriented, and soon felt multiple slaps to his face.
"Ow!" Kyon whimpered in pain. When the slaps stopped, he found out it was none other Itsuki. "Oh it's you," he said flatly.
"Finally, your up."
Kyon rubbed his forehead. "What happened?"
"I have no idea, but I think you were out for a while."
As Kyon sat up he found something out of place. "Wait, where is Yuki?"
"Oh yeah, I think she's... oh," Itsuki said, realizing something.
"What?" Kyon asked confused.
Itsuki pointed down at the ground near Kyon, which Kyon mistook as pointing as his privates.
"I have no time for your smex games," Kyon said, pissed.
"Not that," Itsuki said, still pointing to the ground.
Kyon peered down and realized he was actually sitting on top of Yuki.
"Oh crap!" Kyon yelled as he quickly got of her. "How the hell did that happen?"
"Well, it dosen't look like she's hurt," Itsuki said. "Anyway, it appears that you guy's were all unconscious or sleeping."
"Well, I guess it's time to figure out how we can fix this," Kyon said. "You carry Yuki, ok?"
"Sure," Itsuki said with his trademark smile.
As they were on there way, Kyon asked, "By the way, where are Taniguchi and Kunikida?"
"I saw them on a ledge in a crevasse," Itsuki said. "I think they were hugging each other."
Kyon mentally slapped his forehead. Oh great, now there following his examples.
In the incomprehensible dream of Haruhi Suzumiya, she was enjoying every moment of the randomness in her mind. In the foggy baseball stadium, multiple people on motorcycles with polar bears in the side cars and Kyon in a cowboy outfit holding a flamethrower ridding atop a T-Rex were running toward her. Haruhi, who had become insane, had war-paint on her face. She picked up a ninja corpse, and threw it at the dinosaur. After a few minutes, with the power of Chuck Noris, Haruhi was standing on a huge pile of corpses while more were raining down on her.
"This is so cool!" She yelled.
After fishing Taniguchi and Kunikida out of the crevasse, Kyon and Itsuki began to head to the beach while carrying the bodies.
"Wait, why the beach again?" Kyon asked, panting. He had some trouble carrying both Taniguchi and Kunikida.
"That's were everyone else is," Itsuki replied.
Everyone else?
As they neared the beach, Kyon saw something that made his jaw drop.
"What the hell are they doing there!?" Kyon yelled pointing to the unconscious body's of Haruhi, Mikuru, Tsuruya, the Computer Club President and his own little sister.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you." Itsuki said. "I found them and decided we should help them."
"Jeez," Kyon said. How could he completely ignore the fact they were chasing after them? I mean, I know he's stupid, but seriously! "How do we even wake them up?"
"Well..." Itsuki said. "I know this ancient ritual that could wake them."
"Well, give it a shot," Kyon said. At this point whatever Itsuki did couldn't make their situation any worse.
Itsuki then got a long pole, and began chanting the ritual. "Chicken arise. Arise chicken. Arise!"
Soon, ancient voodoo music was heard all around them, ringing in their ears.
"Arise chicken. Ariiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssseee!!."
All of a sudden, a giant holy beam was upon them and then exploded in a brilliant cascade.
"What..." Haruhi said slowly, waking up. "What happened?" She sat up and, realizing her wonderful world was just a dream, looked around to try and find Mikuru and the others.
"Haruhi. You're awake."
Haruhi froze at the all too familiar voice. Turning around slowly she saw, not only her crew, but Kunikida, Taniguchi, Itsuki, Yuki and of course, Kyon. They all looked tired, as if having just woke up from a deep sleep, with a hazy Mikuru in Kyon's arms.
"Hey!" Haruhi said, getting up and throwing Mikuru off of him. "Go lay on your own boyfriend!"
"What?" Kyon asked.
"Oww," Mikuru said, laying a few feet away.
"Oh," Haruhi said, remembering she was no longer in her dream world. "Sorry Mikuru." Then, realizing where she was: "What the heck are you guys doing here?! What happened?"
"Umm..." Kyon said. Telling her anything was risky, so he hoped the rest of the group would pick up on his plan as he lied through his teeth. "Field trip...yeah...um...so how are you feeling! You guys were knocked out cold."
"I had the strangest dream," Haruhi replied, forgetting Kyon's absurd answer. "I was in this completely awesome world where there were ninjas and dinosaurs and polar bears. Even you were..." She started, looking at Kyon. She started to blush and then looked away. "Never mind."
"Hey, I had a strange dream too," Kyon said. "I was in some crazy parallel universe where everything was all messed up."
"I was dreaming as well," Taniguchi added. "There was this really, really hot woman in it."
All of a sudden, everyone was having a big share fest about there dreams. Yuki's was about some book, Kunikida's was about some animal, and Kyon's sister's was about having Mikuru as her older sister, to Kyon's dismay.
What's wrong with me? Kyon thought, a little hurt over it.
As for Mikuru's and the Prez, they weren't willing to share there dreams for unknown reasons, leaving the others to figure out on there own. Apparently, Itsuki and Tsuruya didn't have any dreams, which Tsuruya was despairing about.
"Um...ok," Kyon said, slightly confused and annoyed. What's wrong about me as a brother? He decided to drop it. "Well, before we think about anything else, I think we need to find some food. Looks like everyone needs some."
"Oh! That reminds me," Haruhi said, looking around. "I found this skull in the woods. Have you seen it?"
"This one?" Itsuki said with a smile, pulling it out of nowhere.
"Yeah, that one." Haruhi said.
What the hell, Kyon thought. He needs to stop being...himself.
"Let's forget about that," Taniguchi said. "Right now, I'm starving. Lets go find some food ASAP."
As the group prepared to leave, Haruhi saw a small little device wash up on shore. Turning around to investigate, her eyes widened and a grin began to form. "Holly crap!" Haruhi said in astonishment. "It's the tracker!"
"What?" Kyon asked confused.
"Oh yeah, we were sent to find some renegade campers from SHAMELESS." Haruhi said casually, brushing off the sand on the screen.
As Kyon, Itsuki, and the rest of the crew heard those words, they all started to panic. Well, besides Yuki.
Oh shit, Kyon thought.
"Hey, it's still working!" Haruhi said. She noticed that the beeping was really fast, meaning that there targets were close by. "Huh. That's weird."
We're in deep shit.
"Hold on," Haruhi said. Looking down at the beeper, she read the escapees coordinates were a mere 3 feet away from her. But how... Realizing Kyon's lie, she gave him the death glare and said, "You don't get field trips in summer camp..." In a seriously pissed of voice, she said, "Kyon you've got a lot of explaining to do."
Son of a bitch.
To be honest, I don't feel like writing a long author's note, so I won't. The only thing I'll say is what I said above: If you can tell me where our disclaimer and chapter title comes from, you can choose any anime character you want to appear in SHNC and we'll add them. I thought it would be kinda fun. Haha.
We didn't add any new appearances, but here's the ANIME LIST:
Fruits Basket, Negima, Pani Poni Dash, Serial Experiments Lain, Azumanga Daioh, Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, Spiral, Bleach (again), Naruto, FLCL, Air Gear, Full Metal Alchemist, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Noein, Super Gals, His and Her Circumstances, Eureka Seven, You're Under Arrest, Excel Saga, Myself;Yourself (sorta).
