Chapter 6: Not for the faint of heart
Killer Frost
Finally. Yes. I am free!
I close my eyes, centering myself blissfully and unleashing a plague of ice, snow, and freezing vapors absolutely everywhere, except where Wells is lying after being attacked by Savitar.
Savitar. Savitar has to die.
Temporarily immobilized by my attack, Savitar and Alchemy look pathetic, stuck in place just as Barry, Joe and Cisco are. Too bad about the collateral damage, but does it really matter? I'm utterly focused on Savitar, on Alchemy. I will crush them like the pathetic insects they are, and I will enjoy it.
They thought they knew power, could choose who would wield it and why, on their terms?
I will not be manipulated by such fools. The mere thought makes me laugh, and I hear the sound of it echoing in the suddenly silent warehouse. It's a satisfying sound, let me tell you, after all that repression and months of being smothered, Caitlin trying to hold me back, her friends all too willing to help keep the freak at bay. What a joke.
"Caitlin," Harrison says simply, rising to his feet and approaching me without an ounce of fear in his eyes. That's why…I love him. Huh. I guess Caitlin's emotions are sort of bleeding through to me, because it's true that…I'd do anything for Harrison Wells.
"Well, hello, lover," I grin flirtatiously, reeling back the icy tendrils that have been lingering around my hands. "Or soon-to-be-lover, anyway."
"I know Caitlin's in there," Harry insists, getting closer than anyone else'd have the nerve to. His confidence isn't because he's sure I won't hurt him. It's that, just like he said, he doesn't care. He's there for me (us, her?) no matter what.
And he knows that there's pleasure in pain.
"You're damn right," I confirm, running my hand over his cheek. "See, I am Caitlin, and Caitlin is me. I'm Caitlin with no structure, no fear, no hyper-moral suffocation. I'm a purer version of her, but I promise you, I'm much dirtier." I wink to set that point off, but Harrison doesn't smile. He's…analyzing me. "I'm Caitlin filled to the brim with power and the will to use it to get whatever I want."
"You're a version of Caitlin, a variation," Harry agrees finally, "but you aren't completely Caitlin. That much is obvious. Her values and her selflessness, those features are part of what define her entire self. Take that away, replace it with power-lust, and you're left with mere fragments of Caitlin."
"First of all," I reply smoothly, covering up an inner flinch of an insecurity only he could cause, "It makes me so hot when you talk geeky to me. And as you've no doubt noticed, it takes a lot to get me hot."
"Caitlin," he begins again but I cut him off.
"Killer Frost," I correct him, but he shrugs me off.
"Put the bracelets back on," Wells says, and it isn't a request. So bossy. I like that in a man.
"Hmm…no," I reply lazily, whipping another batch of deadly power up in my hands, preparing to launch it at Savitar and Alchemy. Barry, Joe, and Cisco, they'll recover within moments and be back to their usual selves, if a little chilly. But those who took me, tried to control me, those who hurt Wells, this day will be their last.
"You can't kill them," Harrison informs me softly, and I narrow my eyes at him. "Caitlin would never forgive herself."
"Well," I answer merrily, "I guess it's lucky that Caitlin's gone for good this time. She's more trouble than she's worth, that one. We'll have much more fun without her around."
Harry is definitely not down for this suggestion. What a drag. "Am I going to have to make you understand, baby?" I pout.
"No," he says gently, running a hand through my white hair and slipping the other around my waist. "I think I'm starting to see what you mean," and he presses his mouth to mine, so heedless of the danger inherent in doing that.
I can't help it; my eyes flutter shut and I surrender to the warmth of his lips, but then I hear a resounding click and blind rage seizes my heart. He wouldn't.
The bracelets are fastened around my wrists and he's not even looking remotely remorseful. I scowl and let out a shriek of rage and betrayal, but I can already feel myself being submerged, crushed, and Caitlin is….
Caitlin
"Oh, God," I murmur, shaky, leaning on Wells and looking around in a panicked daze.
"We've got to get them out of here!" Harry proclaims hurriedly, and we both rush to help our friends. Barry recovers first and runs circles around the others to warm them until they are also conscious, though stumbling and as confused as I felt a moment ago.
Our defeat of Savitar and Alchemy is obviously going to have to wait for another day, so we head back to the lab where I run tests to make sure Cisco and Joe are okay, hating myself for what Killer Frost did. Barry shook it off in no time, but that was quite a blow I — she — Killer Frost — cast on innocent bystanders.
But she didn't include Wells in her attack. That's weird. Right?
"Right?" I whisper to Wells a few minutes later. He pauses like he's trying to decide how to tell me something, paying far too much attention to repairing his glasses.
"It's actually not that weird," Harry explains, meeting my eyes at last. "She's a version of you. She shares some of your most prominent feelings, though she's unable to connect with your sense of right or wrong. The overwhelming power she constantly feels seems to make thinking about consequences…not a priority."
"You're saying that Killer Frost…has feelings for you? Protected you on purpose?" I frown. I have no idea how to feel about that, which almost makes me half-laugh, thinking of what H.R. said about Harrison and myself earlier.
"What are you thinking?" Wells asks, forgetting our admittedly flimsy attempts to conceal our relationship when we're at the lab, and taking my hand. I'm grateful for the reassuring pressure.
"I hate that we have anything in common, that she could take something from me and feel it herself. But I'm incredibly relieved that those feelings she fed off of, from inside of me, kept you safe."
"Cait," Harrison tells me, and I startle slightly. He's never called me that before. "No version of you could ever be pure evil. There is the potential for goodness inside Killer Frost. That comes from you as much as the way she acted towards me. If we could just figure out a way to somehow break down the divide between the two of you and make her subject to your mind, we could solve this thing." He nods at my bracelets, which though uncomfortable, bring me such relief that I am seriously ready to never ever take them off again.
"I wouldn't even know where to start," I admit, too afraid to consider the possibility that there is a solution to this awful situation. What if he's wrong?
"We'll work on it and we'll find a way," he assures me, pulling me into his arms for a hug that I dissolve into, sighing in exhaustion.
"Maybe we should stop this…you and me…before it goes any further," I suggest, pulling back slightly. The words hurt, but he deserves a chance to be free of me. "You don't have to feel obligated to…with how messed up I am and how much trouble I've caused…"
"Don't say that," Harry tries to tell me, but I need to.
"Listen," I explain, my voice quivering with emotion, "I took those bracelets off out of pure anger when I saw Savitar hit you, when I thought he might kill you. I didn't care about the consequences. Maybe, when it comes to you, I just can't. I guess Killer Frost isn't that far removed from the real me after all." Now I've voiced my worst fear, but he's still standing there.
"Are you trying to say it's too dangerous for us to be together because you turned into Killer Frost today?" Wells shakes his head. "Sure, she almost raged out of control, but she also, if you think about it, saved the day. Minus using her powers on the rest of the team, that is. She helped us when we were about to flat-out lose that fight. I think if you can harness that power, get her under control, there's no limit to the good you can achieve with those abilities." I start to turn away, unable to summon the hope he's so invested in, and when I glance back, he gives me a pained smile that breaks my heart.
"Please don't push me away, Cait," He pleads, and I could fall into his blue eyes forever. Then he says, "I'll do whatever you want me to, I'll go back to Earth-2, I'll leave you alone, or I'll stay here and love you, because I love you. And…I don't want easy and uncomplicated. Let's face it, you're not a mess, there's nothing about you that isn't beautiful, but the same isn't true of me. So if you'll have me, I'm yours, and that's, that's—"
Before he can say anything else, I cut his words off with a kiss, unable to wait another minute. "There's your answer," I whisper tenderly.
