Ch. 7

Ashleigh slowly turned, regretting that she'd have to face him again so soon. "What do you want, Townsend?" she said when she was facing him. He was closer than she'd anticipated. She felt strange that he was so close. She hadn't had him so close in quite some time.

"Why do you always assume that I want something, Griffen?" He took another step closer to her. She felt her breathing come in quick gasps and she struggled not to let him know the affect that he was having on her. His smile was wicked and she knew that she'd already been exposed.

"Cause you usually do." She crossed her arms and pushed past him, trying to get her head straight. She didn't like having him so close. Ashleigh was more confused than she'd ever been and all she wanted now was to get her life back together.

"I want to know about the kid." He took a step towards her once again, his blue eyes flashing. She felt her pulse quicken and her stomach tie in knots. He couldn't know. She wasn't ready for him to know yet.

"What about her?" Ashleigh cocked her head slightly and stare up at him, the muscles in her jaw twitching with nervous tension. Oh God, she wanted to be free of him. Her head was spinning with all of the things she wanted, some of them contradicting each other and confusing her even more.

"You damn well know what about her. Is she mine?"

Maybe if there had been something else in his eyes she would have told him the truth. If there had been a trace of tenderness or something other than that iciness that hadn't left his eyes since their good-bye. Maybe if she'd thought for a second that she'd been something more to him than a toy, something to mess around with she would have told them the truth about her-their daughter. But she saw only the coldness and she knew what she'd been to him. The ice around her heart rose up again and she found that she was better off this way. The ice was so thick that she couldn't get burned. "No." she said, trying to make her voice sound believable. "She's not."

There was something in his eyes in that moment that she'd never seen before. It brought tingles up her spine and made her wonder if she'd miscalculated him, missed something along the way. She wondered if she'd ever known Brad Townsend at all. What she saw in that moment could change her perception of him forever. It was there and gone in a second. That flash, had it been disappointment? Hurt? Pain? She had a hard time believing that Brad Townsend actually felt pain but in that moment she realized that in all the years she'd known him she'd never gotten beneath the mask.

Ashleigh pushed past him and walked out of the barn before she fell down that road that had taken over her life almost two years ago. The road that she had almost not traveled back from.

*

Shine had his head curiously over the stall door the next morning when Ashleigh arrived. She had a longe line and a long whip in her hand, preparing for his first training session. Today she only wanted to get him used to the sound of her voice and what it was like to follow commands.

"Hi, baby." she murmured, scratching him behind his ears. She kissed his nose and set her materials over the stall door and grabbing his grooming kit she stepped inside the stall. She ran over his coat with a brush, cleaning off the dust particles. When it was shimmery once again and his hooves had been cleaned out she led him outside to the training ring.
She'd dropped Rylen off with Cassie that morning. It had been hard to leave her baby girl with the woman that she so badly wanted to be. Harder to see the way Mike had kissed her before he'd left. But she'd always remember the look in her eye when he'd looked up and seen the girl that he used to love standing there staring at him with her daughter in her arms. Her anguish could never be hidden from him like it could others. He'd felt her pain in that moment and he'd known.

He'd known how she still loved him.

Ashleigh shook away the thoughts that clouded her nowadays easily distracted brain. The morning sun was still struggling to rise over the hills but Ashleigh already knew that it was going to be a beautiful day.

Shine seemed confused at first, not sure of what was expected of him. Ashleigh continued on with what she'd known all her life, gently tapping the whip to the ground behind his feet and calling out to him. "Walk" was the first one. Shine tried to trot but Ashleigh held him back. He looked at her through frustrated brown eyes as if asking "Why can't I do what I want?"

"You aren't in the paddock anymore playing with your friends." Ashleigh said as she made him walk around her so he got used to how to do things under command. "This is more serious than that. This is what is going to make you famous."

"Oh really," A voice behind her said casually. She took a quick glance and saw Mike standing behind her. "Famous?"

"That's what we're shooting for, isn't it?" Ashleigh tapped the whip again and Shine sprung into an easy trot. Very good.

"Don't you forget it." he pushed away but still studied her for a few moments.

"I won't. Don't you either." Ashleigh called back. He didn't tell her he was walking away and just as she turned to look back at him, already having something smart to say he was gone. She saw his back disappearing into the barn and with it her dreams for the future.

*

Ashleigh drove into her parent's farm that night feeling exhausted. She'd taken Rylen from Cassie after cleaning up Shine and taking him for a walk. Then she'd walked with her daughter around the farm and Mike had given her a stack of paperwork to fill out which she had done while her daughter had slept. She'd given Shine a quick brushing and his evening feed before leaving.

Ashleigh wasn't in the mood for the company of her parents. All she wanted was to curl up in her room with her daughter but she knew that that would be next to impossible. Elaine and Derek Griffen would never let her. They'd be insistent that Ashleigh and Rylen ate with them so they could talk over their day.

Tiredly, she grabbed Rylen from the backseat, throwing the diaper bag over her shoulder and trudged up the stairs.

"Rough day?" Elaine said as she set the salad on the table. Lasagna and salad. Ashleigh hungrily took the plate of lasagna from her mother and then took Rylen's jacket off and set her in her height chair. The baby was making gurgling or growling noises in her throat. Ashleigh warmed up the baby meals she'd bought for her the previous day. Rylen was insistent that she feed herself which meant that the clothes would have to go immediately in the washer and Rylen in the tub.

"It was fine." Ashleigh said, keeping an eye on her daughter while the family ate. "Where's Rory?"

"At Katie's." Derek answered, studying her warily. "They're having dinner over there."

"I see." Ashleigh said and took another forkful of food. "Rylen, sweetie, no. Eat it nice." She took her daughter's spoon and filling it with food brought it to her daughter's mouth. Rylen studied her mother for a moment before taking the food. She smashed her hands to the table and into the food. Rylen brought her food filled fists to her mouth and sucked on them.

Ashleigh sighed.

After they survived dinner Ashleigh brought Rylen upstairs to the bathtub. Rylen made gleeful noises and happily tried to plunge into the water fully-clothed. Ashleigh laughed and held her back.

When they were done with the bath Ashleigh saw it was still only seven. Rylen would be up for at least another two hours, maybe three since her nap had been late today. It was the perfect time for a trip to Townsend Acres to see her favorite horse.

Ashleigh saw Charlie talking to Samantha outside of the training barn. "Hey," she greeted them before sitting down next to them. Samantha immediately took Rylen out of her arms and set her on her lap, gently tickling the child.

"You look beat." Charlie commented.

"I'm fine." She said, closing her eyes trying to massage away her headache.

Ashleigh looked up and saw Brad Townsend coming her way. His gaze was on her face before landing on Rylen. There was a tenderness there that only she saw. Rylen put her arms out to him. With that single movement tears sprung to her eyes and Ashleigh wasn't sure if she could stay as strong as she'd tried to stay. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep her little secret much longer.

Brad looked back at her and there was an understanding there. They would settle this right now. Ashleigh took Rylen from Samantha before following her former love to his office.

His eyes were dark and almost frightening when they looked at her. "I want the truth and you lied to me before, didn't you?"

Ashleigh darted her gaze around the room before finally landing it on his handsome face. A lash of thunder exploded and then all you heard was the loud patter of rain on the roof. "Yes." she whispered.

"How could you lie to me like that? How could hide from me the one thing that could have-" he stopped, his finger dropping slowly to his side. He pressed his palms to the desk and took deep breaths to calm himself.

"Could have what? Destroyed what everyone thought of me? Few people knew about us, Brad and the ones who did weren't exactly nice about it. She is mine, the one thing I had after you left me."

His eyes were cold and angry when he looked back up at her. "When I left you? What about the reason that I left you."

"Do I finally get the answer to that question? You never really gave me one except that it was time to move on. You must have a radar when commitment shows up because every time it does it's when you go running. How did that woman ever get you to put a ring on her finger?"

"Do you want to know or not?"

"What's this going to pull up? How many more demons of my past am I going to have to face before it finally stops hurting?" Ashleigh had set Rylen down and the baby was sucking on one of her toys that had been in the diaper bag.

"I heard you and Caroline talking. Remember that conversation, Ash? It was the one that you admitted that you still loved Mike." Ashleigh felt her face pale. He reached in his desk and pulled out a square, velvet box. Her throat constricted and she fell into the chair behind her, gasping for breath. He opened it and revealed a huge diamond ring. An engagement ring. "The guy at the store that I bought this from told me that with a ring like this no girl would be able to refuse me. I never gave you the ring but you could refuse me no matter what I did. I never was good enough for you. It was always that stupid blond that had your heart. There was nothing that I wanted more than that."

Ashleigh rose from the chair and stare at him. She'd been going to tell him that she was pregnant when he broke up with her and this had been the secret he'd been hiding. This had been the reason he hadn't been able to look at her, the reason he kept his hand in his pocket. She tried to clear her throat to speak several times but nothing came out. She felt rooted in place with her heart breaking in her chest.

She imagined herself trying to tell him that they could make it work if he just left Lavinia but she saw baby blue eyes staring at her. Mike's eyes. But then she saw the pretty blond on his arm smiling up at him, wearing his ring. "Your engaged." she croaked out, tears filling her eyes because she had really loved Brad and she really had wanted to make it work with him. If he answered right she decided it was worth one more shot.

He set the box on the desk and stare up at her. "You take this and I'll leave her."

Ashleigh slowly, with tears streaming down her face, picked up the box and put the ring on her finger.

*