Darkness. I'm must be dead… but I'm still in pain. Surely being dead isn't supposed to hurt. I open my eyes. This doesn't look much like hell. Ricky's still stood there with the gun pointed at my head and I'm still surrounded my mud, concrete walls and smears of my own blood.

"I'm alive?" I say stupidly, "Why didn't you didn't kill me?"

"Because you're in love." he croaks "Now… run, find him, run and never look back and don't let out paths cross again because next time Kid, I will kill you!"

"Okay." I nod.

"Now run…RUN!"

And I run! I'm still running. I feel as though my lungs are about to explode. My legs are so week that I'm sure they're about to giveaway and my chest is so tight that I can hardly breath. I'm gulping in the cold air but it's not enough. I can't do it anymore, I can't… I… I collapse. My ribs hurt as I hit the ground, I smack my head on the pavement and roll off into a ditch

I feel so weak. My body aches, not only from where Ricky hit me, but also from the running. Everything hurts. I want to die! I just want the pain to stop. It's not as though I have anything to live for. I close my eyes. The darkness is warm and inviting. Is it possible to just stop, to switch off and die? If I really want it enough, can I just stop?

Each time I close my eyes I see him. His stupid moustached face comes swimming into view, calling me back to consciousness. Why wont the let me go? Why can't I let him go?

I open my eyes but I can't shake the image of him. He's stood looking at me from the pavement, and then, the image speaks.

"W-what's happened to you?"

And I realise, it's not an image. It's Howard, he's back.

It takes all of my effort to reach to my jacket pocket and pull out my gun. I cock it slowly, the final bullet. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I point the gun at him shakily. I try to keep my hand steady but I'm trembling ferociously. It doesn't matter. I'm going to kill him. He single-handedly ruined my life and now, I'm going to take his.

He makes a step towards me but stops as I spit blood from my mouth and say slowly, each word causing me more pain than the last. "Don't take one more step Howard Moon," I grimace "Or I swear to God I'll put a bullet through your head."

"No you wont." he says coolly as he climbs down slowly into the ditch. I'm going to kill him. Pull the trigger. Pull it! Why aren't I shooting? He kneels beside me and gently removes the gun from my limp fingers.

"What makes you so sure?" I ask stupidly, as he places the gun back in my pocket.

"Because you love me." he says. He's so calm, so cold. He hates me. It's obvious. I know he's being kind but something's missing from his eyes. He acts like he's not worried about the fact I'm so close to death, he just wraps his arms carefully around my shoulders, so he can help me to my feet, before leading me to the van.

Each step is agony and I can feel myself becoming more and more dependant on Howard and I hate it! I don't want to be dependent on anyone or anything. I'm the Kid, I don't need people. Do I?

I collapse into the passenger seat. Howard gets in beside me. I look at him for a while, really look at him. He looks stressed, tired and even rundown. Like he's seen more than he ever needed or indeed wanted to. He's still unsure of what's happening and, even though I'm beat up and my face is probably bruised and mangled, I think he's still a little scared of me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, my voice sounds awful; low, raspy and very, very quiet.

"I came to find… I mean, I can't stop thinking about…"

"Vince." I finish dejectedly, looking into my lap. My life's a mess. He's back because he loves Vince. I want to cry but I'm too strong. I wont let him see that I'm weak. I'm not weak.

"No," Howard interrupts my thoughts "I kept thinking about you."

My head snaps up and I look him right in the eye. I know he's telling the truth, I can read him like a book, better than a book.

"You know what?" he says, pulling me towards him. It ache, as he squashes my ribs slightly, but I say nothing. I just relax into him.

"What?" I whisper, so quietly I can barely hear it, but Howard just continues. "I was thinking about you so much I actually played your CD, Hell n' Petrol…"

"Diesel." I correct him.

"Mmm, them, just to take my mind off you. I thought they were a heavy rock band, so that there would be no soppy songs about love and broken hearts. And then one starts playing."

I smile, but I have a question. "So, did you only come back because of a song?"

"No." he reassures me. "I mean the song did remind me of you, but so did everything else, the van…"

"Well it is my van." I scowl, I'm beginning to feel better now that I'm safe in Howard's arms.

"Yeah, but stupid things too. Like yesterday, I walked into a shop to get a sandwich and all I could think of was which one you'd have. A couple of weeks ago, I looked into buying a flat in Newcastle and as I looked around I just kept wondering if you'd like it."

"And would I?"

"No."

I smile and we fall into a comfortable silence.

"How did you know I was here?" I ask, after a moment or two.

"I learned a few things off you." he smiled, "I thought like a criminal."

"You?" I chuckle, "Yeah, right."

"What I mean is, I saw Ricky in a service station and I knew he was trying to find you, I figured if I followed him he'd lead me to you."

"Really?" I'm impressed, he thought outside the box. He never thinks outside the box.

He nods. Then he blushes embarrassedly when I ask

"I guess you really do like me, huh?"

"Guess I really do."

I smile and close my eyes, I can't help it, he's so warm and I'm so tired.

"No one's hurt you since you've been on your own have they?" I murmur.

"No, why?" he replies, in a voice that suggests he, too, is relaxed and comfortable.

"Good. I'd have shot his hands off if he had."

"If who had?"

"Ricky."

"Is that who did this to you?"

"Mmmm." I nod, nestling into his chest. I feel him become tense, his grip becoming just a little tighter, more angry. Then I feel him stroking my hair so I flap lazily at his hand. "I'm not a dog." I groan. "Stop petting me."

I hear him chuckle but he doesn't stop. He'll pay for that, but not yet. I'm too sleepy.

"Kid?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you." And I'm wide awake.

"You what!?" I ask, jumping up to glare at him.

"I love you" he repeats "And I'm not saying it because I think you'll let me nail you. I'm not like that." I blush. My words from the past coming back to haunt me. I want to say 'sorry' but I physically can't manage it. I want to tell him I love him too, but I can't just can't bring myself to say it. So instead, I kiss him, hard, passionate. I don't care that it hurts my aching face, I have to let him know all the things my words will never say.

I think he understands, deep down, he knows I'll never apologise when I hurt him and that I'll never tell him I love him. But I know, that he will know when I'm sorry and I know that he knows that I love him. If he didn't know that, he wouldn't be here.

I stop the kiss, he's breathless. I grin, I guess I wont have to always use my gun to shut him up in future. He's smiling. I haven't seen him do that for a while, not since he found out who I really am.

"Why the hell aren't you driving?" I snap suddenly. He jumps and nervously rams the key in the ignition. "It's alright for you." I continue, as we tear off down the road. "I've still got pensioners, gangsters and policemen after me. Do you want me to get arrested, is that it?"

"No" he sighs, putting his foot down.

"Good, coz I don't know if you've noticed but a lot of people find me quite attractive. If I were in prison I'd get passed around like a sex toy."

He smirks.

"You better not be laughing." I warn.

"I'm not." He is.

"Screw you." I frown, pressing play on the radio and turning it up so that I can't even hear myself think.

Through the water coloured glass
Across a multi-coloured ocean
Moving bodies across
To catch a glimpse of that red coat

Things I usually recall
Are words you never got to hear, at all

"Was this the soppy Ballard?" I shout, so that he can hear me over the music, then I wince because shouting hurts my ribs. He looks at me anxiously but I warn him not to mention it, with my eyes, so he sighs and shouts back.

"Yeah, yeah this would be it."

I'm fallin' now I'm crashing down again
Being pulled inside out
I'm fallin' now and I'm losing ground
Losing ground
As I'm staring at the wallFinding patterns in the cracks
I reflect upon the fact that I probably deserve this.

"Hey," he shouts again, with a big stupid grin on his face. "Does that make this our song?"

"Get lost!" I turn the song off. "We're not having a song."

He smiles smugly. Oh my god! He tricked me, he just didn't want the music on. I wouldn't normally fall for something so obvious. It's probably because I'm tired. I'm not off my game. I glare at him, but soon get bored and take to looking out of the window instead, reading the road signs, because there's nothing better to do.

We sit in silence for a while, until we reach a roundabout, so many directions, endless possibilities. Howard looks at me.

"So, Kid." he says, "Where do we go now?"


Yes, I did just pay homage to my beloved Guns N' Roses in the last line and, yes, that was another reference to Hell N' Diesel. I couldn't help it, the first one worked so well (Shrink to Be ;-))

Anyway, that was originally going to be the end but (and I know this sounds very sad) I've fallen slightly in love with 'man-who-isn't-actually-Vince-but-more-of-an-evil-non-Vince' and 'nervous-Howard' and if I'm honest, I'm stuggling to let them go. So I've written more of their story (which will probably, eventually, include the Kids real name - I know a few have you have been worried about that), but I know there are a lot of 'assassin' stories up at the moment and they're not exactly conventional fan fic. (for the Boosh, anyway) so I might not put it up.

More importantly; Thank you to EVERYONE who has read and reviewed this story. You are all much loved and your reviews have been so lov-er-ly and, in some cases, genuinely inspirational. So…
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love ya all
Sisi…xx