Disclaimer: These are not my characters.


CHAPTER 7: Mary Anne


Logan and I had agreed. The plan was stay for dinner, make up some excuse to leave and be home by eight-thirty, nine o'clock at the latest.

But Hunter and Kerry wanted me to stay and watch a movie.

And stupid Logan had the genius idea of watching Harry Potter to make up for him not spending enough time with them.

I sat through almost three hours of Logan asking every five seconds who each character was. Then, either Kerry or Hunter would spend five minutes explaining the character's entire life story. And then, we'd rewind the scene because Logan had missed whatever happened.

When Louise poked her head down the stairs to Logan's room (he helped his dad remodel the basement into a 'bachelor pad') and said it was the younger kids' bedtime, I should have jumped up with them. I should have said that it was time for me to head home. In fact, Louise even said she or Lyman would be more than happy to take me home if Logan was too lazy.

Which, of course, offended Logan. He had rolled his eyes. Mom, it's fine. I'll drop her off. Then he'd shot me a look. Wanna translate the last movie first?

I had shrugged because Louise and the kids were still in the room and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Yeah, sure. I said plopping back down on the bed. But if you talk during this one, I'm telling your parents that you made me walk home.

He'd laughed.

His mom and siblings laughed.

We wished them a good night and we put in the movie.

It turns out Kerry and Hunter sprawled out between us is very different from watching the movie alone.

For starters, I was stuck answering all the stupid questions.

Yes, Logan. The Chihuahua thing really did die in the last film.

No, Logan. None of the dead characters are going to come back to life.

That's Ginny Weasley. She was in the last movie. You were snickering when she and Harry were kissing, remember?

For another, there was a lot more space on the bed. That made it seem weird that we were laying so far apart. I mean, the middle of the bed was obviously the best spot to watch the movie from. It looked weird that we were both dangerously close to falling off the sides.

I mean, we're friends, right? Logan had said with a shrug as he scooted a little bit closer.

Totally. I agreed, moving to the middle as well. And you have a girlfriend, so it's not like we'd actually do anything.

Uh, yeah. He snorted. He adjusted the pillows behind him and leaned back against his headboard.

We watched maybe a five more minutes before he added. This isn't awkward. I mean, I can't even remember the last time we hooked up. It was definitely before Cokie and me started dating.

Right? I adjusted my pillows and crossed my arms. That's got to have been since like, at least February?

It might have been March. He said then quickly added. Not that it matters. We've been alone plenty of times.

Yeah we have.

And we're not like those dummies at school that don't know how to control their hormones.

Totally.

We're obnoxiously responsible. The guys get on me about it all the time.

I had pulled my hair over my shoulder and started braiding it. Yup.

So…He had elbowed me playfully.

My braid slipped from my fingers and I looked at him. So?

There was a pause and I willed him to say something. Anything.

He quickly turned back to the TV. Okay, so that guy, he was one of the teacher's right? What's his deal?

I had laughed and swatted a free pillow at him. Oh my lord, Logan. Just shut up and watch the stupid movie already!


I wouldn't say I'm a morning person but I'm usually pretty good about getting up when I'm supposed to. This morning had been more of a struggle than normal. I forced myself out of bed and took as hot a shower as I could stand.

By six-thirty, I was eyeballing my outfit in the mirror. Skinny jeans, flats and my new scoop neck shirt weren't horrible. The shirt was a kind of drapey and navy blue with white stripes. I tried to put my hair up but so much of my neck and collar were showing that I immediately felt uncomfortable. Ever since everything in tenth grade happened, I've started worrying about what kind of ideas people get when they look at me. Like, I know showing a lot of skin doesn't mean I'm telling anyone anything but dating Pete made me realize that some guys don't get it.

I started twirling my hair around my fingers and then quickly dropped my hands back to my sides. I really need to get out of that habit.

My friends always remind me that's the easiest way to read me. When I'm in a good mood, I just flip my hair behind my shoulder and I don't give it a second thought. But whenever I start getting stressed out I start braiding or unbraiding it. When I'm trying to distract myself, I start checking it for split ends. When I get really upset and I know I can't get away, it makes a good curtain for me to collect my thoughts behind.

I rolled my eyes. Ugh. I sound crazy.

I glanced at the clock. It was just turning to six forty-five. This was so weird. Why is it that when you're dreading something, time just seems to drag on?

I tried taking longer playing with my makeup. Since I'd gotten maybe four hours of sleep, I need lots of concealer to hide the dark purple bags under my eyes. I put on my favorite red lipstick. I added an extra layer of mascara. I even tried putting on the fake eyelashes Claudia had given me for last year's Halloween. (That was an epic failure. They would only stick when I placed them crookedly.)

But when I glanced at the clock again, it was only six-fifty.

This was going to be a ridiculously long day. I sighed. I guess it was better to just get it over with.

I was so grateful to see nobody else was in the kitchen yet. My legs were so sore, sitting at the breakfast bar turned out to be too much. I settled for leaning against the counter while I ate my cereal.

"Wow. I'm amazed you're actually up on time." Dawn said as she stalked into the kitchen.

She was wearing a different t-shirt than the one from last night and her long blonde hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head. I know she feels gross a lot of the time because she hasn't lost her baby weight yet, but I think she looks amazing. I don't know anyone else who can make striped pajama pants and a not quite fitted t-shirt look like something out of a magazine. I felt like all she needed was a pair of Uggs and expensive sunglasses and she'd look like one of those celebrities trying to avoid the paparazzi.

"Good morning." I said taking another bite of cereal. I glanced at the clock. It was still too early to leave for school.

Dawn eyed my bowl of Cocoa Pebbles disdainfully before spooning organic Greek yogurt into a bowl of her own. "So, is Logan going to pick you up for school?" she asked casually as she grabbed a box of granola.

I locked my eyes on my bowl. "No." I said, probably too lightly. "We usually try to avoid each other."

"Right." She said. "Well, if last night was any indication, you guys must really despise each other."

I shrugged but refused to say anything else. I focused on the chocolate patterns in my milk.

"So, are Mom and Richard okay with you staying out so late on school nights?" She asked in the same tone. "I mean, Richard was always so overprotective. I can't imagine him being happy that his sweet, innocent little girl is getting groped in the doorway of his house at two in the morning."

"What's going on at two in the morning?"

I cringed.

Sharon hurried into the kitchen, trying to get an earring into her ear. "Good morning, girls!" She said brightly. She stopped to peck us both on top of our foreheads and then bustled over to the coffee pot. "Is it seven o'clock already?" She exclaimed. "Where is the time going this morning?"

She hurried back to the doorway. "Richard, honey, we're going to have to go through drive-thru." She called up the stairs. "There's not enough time to start a fresh pot."

She grimaced and looked worriedly at Dawn. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't wake Morgan, did I?"

The three of us remained absolutely still and listened for the sound of his cries. When nothing happened, Dawn shrugged and the two of us resumed eating while Sharon scurried around, trying to track down her cell phone (in the microwave) and her purse (in the vegetable crisper). Sharon's a little absent minded sometimes. She's gotten better over the years but when she's stressed, all bets are off.

"Honey?" She called slightly less loudly than before. "It's seven o'five. If we don't leave now, we're going to hit traffic."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." My dad hurried in, adjusting his tie and heading over to the mudroom, where his jacket and briefcase were placed every night. "I don't know what's going on this morning. I feel like I barely got any sleep."

Dawn perked up. "Oh, wow! That's crazy. I'm pretty sure Mary Anne must be feeling the same way." She shot me a pointed look. "I mean, how much sleep could you have possibly gotten since you got home at three."

I put my bowl in the sink. "A few minutes ago, you said I was home at two." I pointed out. "I think maybe you've got bad fit of mommy brain this morning."

Dawn glared at me. "At least, the only boy I'm losing sleep over is my son." She turned towards the mudroom and raised her voice. "Richard, your daughter was making out with Logan last night."

Dad ducked backed into the kitchen and looked at us, confused. "Here? Mary Anne, you didn't tell us you were inviting him over."

My ears burned and I shook my head. "He was just dropping me off, Dad—"

"At two in the morning!" Dawn cut in.

"He just walked me to the front door." I explained. "I promise, he didn't stay long."

"Well, you know the rules." He said absently as he walked back to the mudroom. "We'll see you girls tonight."

Sharon was close behind him. "Tell Logan I said hi." She called over her shoulder as she started to go out the front door. Then she walked back into the kitchen. "Oh! Dawn would you mind making eggplant parmesan for dinner tonight? We should have everything but if not, send me a text and I'll get the rest on the way home."

And then it was just me and Dawn in the kitchen.

I glanced at the clock. It was exactly seven fifteen. I sighed. The walk to school was less than ten minutes but the less time I spent at school before the bell rang, the easier it would be to avoid Logan.

Maybe if I left now, I could just hide in an empty classroom until class started. And if I texted Kristy right now, she could grab an energy drink for me. I waved awkwardly to Dawn and slowly started heading towards the mudroom. "So…I guess I'm going to go?"

I don't think she even heard me. She was glaring at her granola and yogurt. "I can't believe they didn't even care."

I really didn't know what to say without sounding like I was talking down to her. I mean, she's the one staying home with a baby.

Besides, Dad and Sharon and I had already talked all that stuff out years ago. Their big thing was that they wanted me to be safe. As long as I was always honest about where I was and who I was with they didn't have any reason to distrust me. And, I don't know. I like being able to talk to them openly. Growing up, Dad had always been so strict and closed off. Now, it's like he really gets me. And he and Sharon are so understanding. I feel really lucky.


As understanding as my parents are, it's still really awkward calling them to say I'm spending the night at Logan's. So to save everyone the embarrassment, Logan and I had agreed it was best for me to go home. I had even hinted that it would be even better if we just pretended like nothing had happened.

Nothing should have happened. He has a girlfriend.

Technically.

And I'm kind of a hot mess right now. If I had spent the night, we would have had to figure out what that meant. And that's not something I want to deal with. Logan wasn't too happy about it but he was trying to be.

Fine. He'd said as he pulled into my driveway. But I'm still walking you up to your door. There could be some crazy lurking around your front yard.

The only crazy in the front yard is you. I'd said as he followed me to the porch. Seriously, your car is three feet away. And I don't think anyone is crazy enough to mess with the star quarterback of SHS.

Logan had smiled. Well, how are they going to know it's me if I'm just sitting in Bessie? Trust me, they'll think twice before trying to jump a guy that's almost seven feet tall.

I snorted as I put my key into the lock. Not if they're crazy. I opened the door slightly. You can't walk me to my room. I said dryly. I didn't ask my parents if it was okay for you to come inside.

Logan raised an eyebrow. Kinda late for that isn't it?

Oh my lord! Logan! I smacked his arm. You're disgusting.

Whatever. You started it.

I had rolled my eyes. Tossing my hair over my shoulder does not mean I want to have sex with you.

Uh-huh. You just did it again.

I glanced down at my shoulder and scowled. That is just a coincidence. I said dismissively. It wasn't deliberate.

But you admit it. You're trying to seduce me. Again.

Instead of denying it, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for one last kiss. I was being greedy. I knew it. But it wasn't just anyone. It was Logan. And it was almost two in the morning and I was high on exhaustion and endorphins.

He's almost a foot taller than me, so kissing him involves me standing on my tiptoes and him almost lifting me up. I love when he wraps his arms around me. I love everything that makes him bigger and taller and stronger than me. All the running and swimming that he does gives him really defined muscles but he's not bulky. He's just…He's Logan. When we're this close, when I don't know which part is me and which part is him, I feel whole. It's crazy how it's been months since we'd been together but we both still knew which spots to touch. I love running my fingers through his hair. It was late and most of the gel he'd put in earlier that day was gone, so it was soft and I could drag my nails along his scalp. That sound he always makes sends shivers up and down my spine. I had missed that.

He started tracing the skin around my ribcage and I couldn't help giggling.

Not so loud, Kitten. He whispered in my ear. You're going to wake the whole neighborhood. Like he cared. Logan's sole mission in life is to make sure my voice is never drowned out.

I shivered again as he traced his hand down my hip so that he could get a firmer grip on my leg-

And that's when Dawn appeared in the doorway.

What the hell are you guys doing? She exclaimed. Do you have any idea what time it is? Mary Anne, you have school tomorrow! Logan, aren't you dating Cokie Mason?

That's probably when real life started kicking back in.


Now it was morning and I was in the right mind frame. I know we had been dumb and ridiculously irresponsible last night. But it's not like I could tell that to Dawn.

Last night, she'd spent a good half hour scolding me and then trying to figure out if I was drunk. And even now, I could sense the disappointment rolling off of her in waves.

She was disappointed in me for making poor life choices.

She was disappointed that Logan was not the chivalrous knight everyone thought he was.

And now she was disappointed that our parents didn't care that I was ruining my life.

School wasn't going to start for another hour but I couldn't stay in the house with her. Once she has a certain mindset, it's hard to shake her out of it. And it's too easy for me to sink down there with her.

So, I left.

I don't know if it was the right choice but I had to do something. Last week, had been my first meltdown in months and I don't want another one.

As I walked to school, I tried to enjoy the bright sunshine and the early September wind. I wish I could say that I was walking slowly because I was trying to kill time, but honestly, I was trying to figure out how to hide my limp.

Logan and I weren't like, freaky or anything.

At least, I don't think we were.

But it's been probably half a year since the last time we've…stretched those muscles. Well, half a year for me, anyway. I don't even want to know what he's been doing.

Or who.

My stomach lurched uncomfortably at that thought. Actually, it wasn't even a thought because I don't have a right to feel one way or another about that. Last night had been a fluke. It had been a moment of weakness. I shouldn't have told Logan it was okay to kiss me. And I shouldn't have been so quick to skip bases.

I felt like I was toying with him and I didn't want to be that kind of person. I wanted to be the nice girl again. The shy one who wasn't out on a school night having sex with her ex-boyfriend.

Her ex-boyfriend that she'd taken advantage of multiple times before.

Her ex-boyfriend who currently had a girlfriend.

That's when I realized I had tangled my hair into knot. I sighed.

More than anything, I wanted to not be the girl who had to take anxiety pills. I wanted to not be prone to panic attacks and bouts of depression.

And also? I wanted to not know that it was normal to be sore from sex after a few months of celibacy. That's not a normal teenage thing is it? It can't be.

I should just be…I don't know…nervous that a boy liked me and maybe excited about getting to second base? I tried to remember the last time things had been that simple.

I know when Pete and I had been dating, I hadn't been ready to do anything more than kiss. And he had been so pushy. It was embarrassing when he dumped me and then immediately started dating Grace Blume, but at the same time, I had been so relieved. Especially since a few weeks later, him and the majority of the jocks and their girlfriends had to be treated for Chlamydia.

I laughed. Maybe Logan and I weren't that weird after all.

Speaking of which…

I was in the parking lot and I didn't see Bessie anywhere. That was good. I still had…

I glanced down at my watch. The bell wasn't going to ring for another forty-five minutes. Maybe I was freaking out for no reason.

I mean, my role last night was relatively easy compared to Logan's. Plus he had to drive me home. He was probably even more tired than I was. He had probably slept through his alarm clock. He did that sometimes.

Or he could have had an early morning football practice.

Or picked up Cokie on his way to school.

I don't know his life. Despite having two classes together and running the tutoring center, we've gotten really good at distancing ourselves. The chances of me not bumping into him again had to be relatively good, right?

I hurried to my locker and put in my combo. All I had to do was grab my books, get to AP History, and I'd be good. He hadn't texted or called, so he maybe he really was going to drop it. I could probably even skip tutoring today. Or maybe he'd skip it.

One of my favorite cardigans was crammed in the back of my locker. I hadn't seen that in weeks. Obviously it was a sign. Today was going to be fine. I was just over thinking things, like I always do.

I grabbed my books, shut my locker, and walked straight into him.

"Whoa! Hey!" He said way too brightly. "I was hoping I'd bump into you."

I couldn't keep looking at him. His smile was too big. It was fake, which meant he was nervous. "Um…good morning." I said as I stepped back. "Happy Monday."

"Thanks." He said. His voice was still too upbeat. "So, there was a sale at the gas station this morning and…um…" I looked up and watched him fumble through his backpack. "I wasn't sure if you'd appreciate this but…I mean, I'm dead on my feet and you're tired too, right? So, maybe this'll help?" He pulled out a magenta can with a pink bendy straw attached to it. "You still like these, right?"

"Seriously?" My heart plummeted into my stomach. He'd read my mind. Again. It was the exact energy drink that I forgot to text Kristy about. "Oh, I hate you so much." I found myself saying as I held my hand out greedily. "Yes. Please. I would kill for an energy drink right now."

He started to hand me the can, then seemed to think better of it and pulled back. "We should talk first."

I rolled my eyes. "Have things really gotten that bad between us?" I asked dryly. "You have to bribe me with treats in order to have a conversation?"

Logan looked slightly amused. "It's not a bribe." He said as his eyes darted up and down the hall. "It's a peace offering. But if you don't want it… Cokie likes energy drinks too." He started putting it back in his bag.

"Okay. Fine." I said quickly.

To his credit, he handed the drink to me with very little smugness. He didn't say anything while I popped the can open and unwrapped the straw. I closed my eyes and tried to savor the pink bubbliness. It was exactly what I needed to wake up.

"Right, so…" I opened my eyes and noticed he was blushing.

Great. I'm used to being anxious. I think that's really the only thing I feel now. But seeing Logan anxious when he's normally so good about hiding his nerves was not helping.

I sighed. "What do you want?" I asked cutting to the chase. "Your class is on the opposite side of campus and we don't 'accidentally' bump into each other. Ever. And you know what I'm thinking ten seconds before I can say it. So what? What could we possibly need to talk about that you don't already know my answer to?"

Logan took a step back. Then a step forward. "So, maybe the energy drink was a mistake." He said.

"That's not funny." I said. I don't know how but somehow I managed to keep my books in place with one arm and use my free hand to gather all my hair to one side. "I don't know what to say, Logan." I admitted. "I'm not really ready to talk."

"Mary Anne," He sighed and I forced myself to look at him. "You're never ready to talk. You just avoid stuff until it's too much work to bring up later. That's not fair."

I sighed. "Ok, yeah," I hate admitting when he's right. I twirled some of my hair around my finger while I tried to think of how to explain myself. "But I mean," I shrugged. "You know me. You know I need time to sort this thing out."

"I thought there wasn't a thing." He said dryly.

I tried giving him a big bright smile. "If we don't talk about it there's not."

I thought teasing him would help lighten things up but I just felt like crap and he was still giving me this look, like he knew I was better than that.

"I'm sorry." I found myself saying. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep. And then Dawn tried to get into it again this morning." I sighed. "She really wasn't happy about bumping into us last night."

Logan snorted. "Yeah. She made that pretty clear." He glanced around the hallway. There were only a few other students in the hall but he nodded towards one of the classrooms. "Um…we should probably not be standing in the hall. Cokie's gonna have a bitch fit if she sees us. And I don't really want everyone watching us argue."

I frowned and glanced down at my watch. "You've got fifteen minutes, Bruno." I said flatly as I started walking towards what was hopefully an empty classroom.

"The bell doesn't ring for like another half hour." He said. I thought it was weird that he stayed behind me as we walked, but he still managed to open the door before I could.

I rolled my eyes. "Always so chivalrous." I muttered. I put my books on top of the closest counter top and turned to him expectantly. "Okay." I said. "What is so important?"

He frowned but came over and placed his backpack down on the counter across from mine. "Okay, first of all, you hate when I start assuming things, remember? You get super pissed and start going off on how you're your own person and you can think for yourself or whatever."

"No." I said. "I don't hate that you assume. I hate that you know. It's obnoxious. It's like, you're just always trying to push me to make choices that I'm not ready to deal with. Like, I'm just not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. And I hate that you have so much freaking faith in me and that you keep calling me out on it. Why can't you just let me figure it out on my own?"

"That's not fair. You always put me in this position." He said. "I hate this. It's too much. If I don't talk to you about it, then later on, you're going to be mad that I didn't bring it up. I can never win with you, Mary Anne."

And just like that, I felt deflated. Carefully, I hopped up so that I was sitting on the counter directly across from him. We were maybe two feet apart, which was totally against our normal rules but just thinking about that made me feel worse.

"You're right." I said. "I'm sorry."

Logan shrugged. I picked up my energy drink and took another sip.

"I mean, I'm really the one who should be apologizing." He said. "I didn't realize I'd leave such a big hickey on the back of your neck."

I almost sprayed my drink onto him.

I managed to clap my hand over my mouth with one hand and slam my drink down on the table with the other. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose as the carbonation traveled up my nasal passage. I leaned forward as my eyes watered. "Augh! It's burning my nose!"

"Shit. Are you okay?" Logan asked worriedly. He was at my side in an instant. "I totally could have timed that better. Just tilt your head back…" He said.

For once, I listened. I also took a deep breath and closed my eyes, counting to ten like Dr. Grant used to make me do in therapy.

When the burning went away, I sat up straight. I tried to keep my voice even. "You gave me a hickey?"

My hand was already feeling along the only logical spot it could be, which of course wouldn't be something that I could see in the mirror.

"I'm sorry." Logan was saying. "I shouldn't have—"

"How bad is it?" I asked, pulling my hair over my shoulder and turning so he could get a better look. Then I remembered that's how the stupid thing had gotten there in the first place and I quickly turned back to face him. "When did you notice it?"

"I noticed it when I was walking up to you. Before you turned around." He said. "And I was going to say something right away but you were already mad. And then you kept flipping your hair around and exaggerating about how good your drink was…I got distracted."

My mouth fell open in shock. "Are you freaking kidding me? I wasn't trying to flirt with you, Logan! I told you, messing with my hair doesn't always mean I want to have sex with you!" I frowned. "And for the record, that drink is really good, I don't know why you'd think I'd exaggerate that. Or why that would even turn you on. Weirdo."

Logan at least had the decency to look embarrassed. "Ok, so, maybe I don't always know what you're thinking." He blushed. "And we already know I think you're hot."

I buried my face in my hands. This was a disaster. I wanted the floor to swallow me up right then and there. We both knew exactly when this would have happened.

We had been going back and forth about me going home.

Literally and figuratively, I guess.

I ran my hand along my neck remembering how firmly he'd been holding me against him. We had been spooning and he had one arm wrapped tightly around my rib cage. His other hand had been gripping my hip. And he'd been pushing in and out so freakishly slow. Like he wanted to keep it going forever.

And I had been so close. I just needed that one final…something, to get me over the edge.

I had totally flipped my hair out of the way so he could get to my neck.

"Um…no. Don't do that." I felt his hand gently push mine away from my neck. "You can keep from touching yourself, can't you?"

His voice was right in my ear. And despite my common sense, I closed my eyes and leaned towards him. But then he started tracing along that same spot and I snapped out of it.

"Are you kidding me?" I turned around and smacked his arm. "What is wrong with you?" I smacked his arm again just for good measure. "Seriously, Logan. This is not cool."

"Okay!" he grabbed my wrists before I could hit him again. "Okay! I'm sorry. Quit hitting me." I lowered my arms slowly and he let go.

"How big is the stupid thing anyway?" I tried pushing my hair flat against my neck. But I kept facing him. I was determined not to give him anymore mixed signals.

Logan shrugged. "It's not that big. But the back of your shirt is kind of wide. I think if you were wearing like a regular shirt, you wouldn't even see it."

I nodded. "I have a sweater in my locker." I said. "Okay. So it's not a big deal. I just have to get down the hall without anyone else noticing." I shook my head. I glanced at my watch. fifteen minutes until the bell rang meant the hallway would be crowded now.

Ugh.

I hated Mondays. I hated school. And more than anything, I hated that Logan hadn't had the common sense to tell me that biting was not a good idea.

"I can't believe you gave me a hickey." I snapped. "We're not thirteen anymore, Logan."

He actually laughed. "I don't think I would have even known how to hickey you when we were thirteen." Then he smirked. My face grew boiling hot because it was going to be another one of those times where he was right. "This kind of is your fault."

I managed a defiant splutter but that just made him even more smug.

"You the one who said, and I quote, 'Oh yeah. Harder.'"

He even made the stupid air quotes with his fingers. I cringed with complete and utter embarrassment.

"And I remember because you really, really liked it. In fact, right after that was when you-"

"Okay!" I said, throwing my hands over his mouth before he said anything else. "That's not the point. And I didn't necessarily mean you needed to bite down harder. You probably could've just-" then I clamped my hand over my mouth before I said anything else.

He stood up straighter. "I could've what?" I couldn't even look at him because the look on his face was unfairly amused. "Mary Anne? What else could I have done?"

I rubbed at the back of my neck and tried to tell myself I needed to double check and make sure I couldn't feel any obvious marks. Except now I was remembering his breath against my neck, his tongue against my skin and how hard I finished when his teeth bit into me. I was thinking about it too hard because I almost fell off the counter.

Logan caught me though. He helped balance me back on to the table and then ran his hand down my arm. I didn't stop him from locking his fingers through mine. "Will you stop messing with it? You're not going to be able to do anything about it. Just keep your hair down." His hand gripped tighter to mine as he locked his eyes on me. "In my defense," He added. "I was just doing what you asked. You know how much I appreciate you telling me exactly what you want."

I pulled my hand away "You're such a jerk." I said, with almost no conviction. "And I can't believe we're having this conversation at school."

We were being so irresponsible, I know. But it's Logan. And now he was standing right in front of me and I couldn't even think of pushing him away.

"Would you rather have us talk about it after school?" he asked as he put a finger through one of my belt loops. He barely pulled on it, but I scooted closer to the edge of the table and he took another step forward. "I mean, I have other stuff I'm supposed to do, but I can cancel." His hand ran down my arm again and then he pulled my hand up onto his shoulder. "I mean…" he looked at me for permission. "…unless you want to…"

"Um…" I licked my lips as his face moved closer to mine. Butterflies were dancing in my stomach and our lips hadn't even touched yet. "Yeah." I said absently.

It just goes to show how confused I am about everything.

I love that Logan never kisses me without my permission. Once I've given the okay, all bets are off. He's always gentle but he's confident and if he wasn't already holding me so tightly, I'd probably melt into a giant puddle of goo.

Cokie had it all wrong yesterday. You don't get Logan by going straight to hand jobs and French kissing. I mean, don't get me wrong, he likes those, of course. And he is so good with his tongue. But for him, it needs to feel mutual. He wants the assurance that we're in the same place, that we're feeling the same attraction.

I mean, this is the guy who planned out surprise dinners and carriage rides. He memorized my favorite drink and what all my different body gestures mean. He gets really caught up in the details. And it means a lot to him to be with someone who appreciates that.

And I know him. He likes that I scold him for swearing and he likes it even more when he finds the spot that makes me swear.

I don't even know how I figured out that rubbing his earlobes between my thumb and forefinger worked so well. It's probably about the same way he figured out which spot on my neck is the weakest. But I do know that for every secret I know about him, he's already got more of mine figured out.

I forget how to breathe when he traces his hands under my shirt. At that point, I have to rely on him to hold me up. And if I'm thinking clearly enough I can usually balance it out by scratching along the skin between his pelvic bone and stomach but it also kind of depends on which one of us is on top. And if I'm balanced on the edge of the table and he's starting to lean me back…

I think we both realized at the same time that we were getting too carried away.

"Oh no." I said, quickly pushing him away. I had to force my legs out of the vise I had around his hips and I hopped off the table as fast as I could.

Space. We needed space.

We needed like, another table and maybe a classroom and a couple of hallways between us.

"This was such a horrible idea, actually. Um…can we just-" Again, I was running my hands through my hair. Scratching at my scalp and trying to get a grip on what was going on.

Why was the bell still not ringing yet?

And what was wrong with me?

I could leave. There was no reason for me to be in this room right now. I shouldn't have been in here with him.

"I just…" I took a deep breath and shook my hands out in front of me. "Okay." I said. "Obviously, I'm making really poor choices lately." I took another deep breath. Then another. Was I having a hard time breathing? "So maybe, I should call Dr. Grant. She told me if I start-"

Logan scrubbed at his face. "Mary Anne, you're not crazy, okay? We're being normal, I swear." He didn't take a step closer but he wouldn't stop looking at me. It felt like he was looking through me, like he could see all the thoughts forming in my mind. "You're not having a panic attack. It's just…" He threw his hands up. "We're horny. And we found an empty classroom. I promise you, it's not weird."

Now he actually was trying to take a step forward.

"Will you just stop?" I asked. "I don't care if it's normal or not normal. I care that we shouldn't be doing this. Especially at school." I grabbed my books. My energy drink was at the end of the table, next to where Logan was looking at me with irritation and probably hurt.

But I couldn't look at him. All I could think about was how I should be having slumber parties and trips to the mall with my friends. Not sneaking into empty classrooms for quickies before the bell rang.

And I know Logan gets it but it's really annoying that he does because, you're not supposed to find someone that gets it in high school. What does that even mean? There's no way either of us have it all figured out yet. So it must mean we've grown up too fast. And I'm not ready to be a grown up. But if I was grown up, wouldn't I know what's going on? Because I really have no clue.

All I knew for sure was that I needed to get out of the classroom and away from Logan's psychic…whatever. I can't even begin to think about what his look meant.

"I'll just…see you in class later, okay?" I said, reaching behind me for the doorknob.

Despite all these stupid thoughts whirling through my brain, the main one, the big one that kept coming back was the one telling me that I was seriously overreacting for no reason. And that thought had to be Logan's voice because I was so tired of it knowing me better than I did.

I closed the door firmly behind me and took a deep breath. Everyone in the hall was minding their own business, thank goodness. Kids were laughing and joking. Some were in groups with serious expressions on their faces. None of them were looking at me. And why would they? A glance at my watch told me the bell was going to ring any minute.

Thank God.

And then, like some weird angel of normalcy, Cokie was suddenly in my face.

"Where's Logan?" She demanded. "Grace said she saw you guys go into a classroom together."

I almost laughed, I was so relieved to see her. I probably would have hugged her but she looked ready to punch me in the face. "Good morning to you too." I said, way too cheerfully. "Logan is actually right-"

I turned to point to the door just as Logan stepped out. He was not as happy to see his girlfriend as I was. "Oh, hey." he said, nodding to her. He handed me my energy drink. "You left this in the room." His tone was accusing, like abandoning my energy drink was a deliberate attempt to hurt him.

"Oh." I said, uncertainly. "Thanks."

I didn't even get a firm grip before Cokie smacked it out of my hand. Instantly, all the commotion in the hallway died down. Everyone turned to look at us.

Okay. This wasn't what I had in mind when I'd asked for regular teenage drama. My face burned. I hate being the center of attention and this felt suspiciously like yesterday at the craft shop.

"Um…that was kind of rude." I said.

Cokie was inches from my face. I could smell her perfume, something annoyingly flowery and girly that reminded me of the Victoria's Secret at the mall. "I thought I told you to stay away from him." She practically spat. "What fake ass sob story have you been telling him now?"

I didn't really know what to say. I had enough common sense to know that I needed to keep my hair covering my neck but other than that, all I could do was gape at her.

"Okay. We should go." Logan said trying to grab Cokie's arm. "Mary Anne and I were just talking about after school stuff. I didn't realize you'd get this upset."

Cokie, I think, took my hair flip as like an act of defiance. "You can't honestly think you're hot shit. You're lucky I didn't beat your ass yesterday." Her glare narrowed and she stuck a finger in my face. "Stay the fuck away from my man. I don't care how tight you think you are with his mom, she's not here to save you now. Get it through your half working skull, little girl. All these little middle school mind games you're trying to pull aren't going to work. Logan picked me. He loves me. Do us both a favor and go cry in your padded room."

There was a murmur from the crowd. I heard somebody say "Ooh! Burn!" and someone else say "Oh no, she di'iiin't!"

All I could do was keep pushing my hair down against my neck.

"Cokie, believe me." I said in what I hoped came off as a non-insulting tone. "We…I wasn't talking about you. I swear you weren't even remotely brought up. I was…"

I glanced back up at Logan for some sort of backup. He still had his hand on Cokie's arm. That was reassuring because even if I worded things wrong she wouldn't be able to slap me. But it was also annoying. He was always trying to get me to stick up for myself, like he thought I just let people walk all over me because I was too chicken to speak up.

And okay, yeah. I was. But that still wasn't something he should be forcing me to confront.

"We were just trying to coordinate our after school schedules." I said quickly. "We have tutoring today, remember? I wanted to make sure we spent as little time together as possible." I took another breath and grabbed a small strand of hair to twirl around my finger. Nothing that would show off my neck but I needed to calm down.

I'm pretty sure if I tried to smile at her, I'd deserve to be slapped. I was still waiting for the guilt to hit me. I wasn't lying to her, technically. But it wasn't like I was owning up to the fact that I had just been making out with her boyfriend.

"I don't want to start any trouble." I said as meekly as I could. The trick with her always seemed to be to act like I was actually afraid of what she would do.

She seemed to buy it. She took a step back and crossed her arms, her glare not straying from my face. "You'll get it if you try talking to him later. I know what games you're trying to play, you self-righteous little skank."

"Cokie, seriously." Logan said. "Don't talk to her like that."

"And now you're sticking up for her?" She turned to him incredulously. I breathed a sigh of relief and took a step back. Everyone else seemed to realize there wasn't going to be a fight and were going back to their own stuff. "You're dating me, Logan. You know she's just a stuck up prude. That's why Pete dumped her ass."

He frowned down at her. "Cokie, that's not cool." He looked over at me. "Mary Anne, don't let her talk about you like that."

I think under normal circumstances I should have felt offended about the way Cokie talks to me.

But I'd slept with her boyfriend. And I was currently hiding a hickey that he gave me.

And I felt no guilt about it whatsoever.

Maybe what she was saying wasn't very nice, but she was well within her right to be mad at both of us. And as much as I liked to tell Logan he was a jerk for using her the way he does, I'm really not any better. It's not like I want him to start dating me. Things between us are just so…convoluted, I guess. We have so much history and we know each other too well. We don't have secrets. We just have stuff we don't talk about. And his reason for dating Cokie is one of those things.

So, no. I don't feel like I had a right to defend myself. Instead, I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, like as if I could care less about what a horrible person I was.

"It's fine Logan." I said in the same false bright voice I normally use at school. "I'm just going to go."

I made it about two steps before I walked straight into Cary.

"Hey!" Cary said, looking surprised but pleased. "I was just looking for you."

My stomach dropped. Great. Another reason for me to feel horrible.

"Hi." I said. The smile on my face felt forced. "I, uh…I guess you lucked out."

Cary nodded at something over my head and I turned in time to see Logan return it with a nod of his own.

"Did you wanna walk to class together?" Cary asked. "I promise I won't be such a dork this time."

Cokie snorted. "How fucking precious. Are you going to carry her books too?"

Cary shot her a withering glance before looking at Logan. "Dude, seriously. You need to do something about your girl. I know we have leash laws. Shorten hers."

Cokie's face turned bright red. Logan's was a mix of amusement and shock. I didn't really know how to react. Cary's never liked Cokie but that still seemed like a mean thing to say.

Before I could think of a response, he was reaching for my books. "I can totally carry your stuff for you. Your hands look pretty full."

Now, I was blushing as I tried to keep my stuff out of his reach. "I'm fine, really." Then I remembered my cardigan. "Actually, if you could just hold everything for like, two seconds while I get a sweater…" I said, handing him my stuff.

I turned on my heel towards my locker. Logan raised his eyebrow at me as I rushed past him. But I ignored him. There wasn't really anything else to say.

The first bell finally rang as I opened my locker and tried to find the sweater. And I breathed a sigh of relief when I turned around and saw that Logan and Cokie were at the end of the hall. I could tell by her gesturing that she was going off about something. For a split second, it looked like he glanced back at me but I was trying to get my cardigan on without letting anyone in the hallway see the back of my neck. I don't know what it would have meant if we made eye contact.

Instead, I focused on adjusting my sweater then nodded towards Cary. I held my arms out expectantly. "Ok. Can I have my stuff back, please?"

He grinned at me. "No way. I'm carrying your books. Think of it as my apology for being an ass last week."

I guess the gesture was sweet but it just made me feel worse. I know I hadn't promised him anything. If nothing else, I'd done a really great job of running away. But it still felt like I was leading him on.

"That's really not necessary, Cary." I said as I reached for my binder.

He shook his head and took a step back. "Nuh-uh. I insist. And if you keep it up, I'll carry your books for the rest of the day. I won't even go to class. I'll be like one of those pathetic little puppies following you around all day." He meant it as a joke but my stomach churned with guilt.

I forced a smile and tried to keep my voice light. "Well, in that case we better hurry before the second bell rings."

"After you, m'lady." Cary said with a slight bow.

That actually did make me laugh. I curtsied, "Thank you, sir."

Then the final bell rang and we took off sprinting down the hall.