A/N: Okay…very long chapter. Well, at least compared to others in THIS story. I think it's my favorite so far, though…other than the first chapter. That one just felt special, somehow. But I like this one. Hope you will too.
"It just isn't right!" Christopher objected in a hiss to Lorelai as she doled out plates of pie to the remaining guests.
"She's an adult, Chris," she reminded him, starting to become annoyed at his attitude about this whole thing. She walked back to the kitchen for more pie, Christopher matching her step for step.
"Yeah, well - she needs to start acting like one." Lorelai spun on her heel to face him, glaring. Unbelievable. She shook her head and walked away. She couldn't do this. This was so not a conversation they were having. This was so not a conversation Christopher should be having with anyone present in a million years. She continued handing out pie. "Her husband is out there, working his butt off to keep her living in the style to which she has become accustomed, going through probably the most terrible time of his life, and she's sitting out there chatting it up with her ex-boyfriend!"
"What part of 'she's an adult' don't you get? She's grown up. She's married. She has kids. You don't get to play the dad card!"
"Oh, come on, Lor…"
"No, Chris. She has to make her own choices. And, I don't know, but it seems to me she's made some pretty good ones! Probably better than both of her parents! So, all in all, I think you need to shut it."
"I just don't want to see her get hurt."
"Of course, neither of us wants that. But, Chris, Honey - what is it you think she's gonna do? What is it you're so upset about?"
"She is being stupid."
"She is not being stupid."
"She should NOT be SITTING OUT THERE with HER EX!" he bellowed, his finger pointed vehemently at the screen door. His voice was louder than he'd meant it to be, and the silence rang hollowly in its wake. Lorelai's face soured and Luke suddenly stepped toward Christopher with a jaw of granite and a murderous look in his eye. Chris turned his face to the wall, hardening in lines of regret.
Sookie looked over at her husband with a stilted chipperness, responding to the awkward shift in room temperature. "O-kay, Hun, I think we should pack it up. Get the kids, uh…yeah." Jackson nodded silently with an attempt at a smile that fell flat, and began gathering the accoutrements of parenting.
Sookie and Jackson bundled things together, and Luke turned and stalked off to parts unknown. Christopher hung his head partially. "Well, I really messed that one up," he murmured softly.
Lorelai sighed and spoke just above a whisper. "Yeah…you did."
Rory sighed. The serenity was broken. The dusk was turning dark. The crickets were just crickets. The companionable quiet of the porch had been invaded by her father's harsh edict. Jess shifted slightly in his seat. The boards beneath him creaked with the subtle movement.
"Well…that would be our cue," he sighed.
"Yeah," she admitted reluctantly. "I'm sorry he, uh…" she trailed off. Jess shrugged.
"May be right." His eyebrows conceded the point, much as the rest of him didn't want to.
"Maybe." Neither made a move to go. "Well, then…" Rory twisted her hands in her lap and kept her eyes on them, trying to find something in the darkness to hang onto. There was nothing. She sighed abruptly and stood, preparing to go inside.
"Rory." His voice reclaimed her. She turned to him. He hesitated. "There's a lot here that's fixed," his eyes drew a path between them, "that used to be broken." His voice was soft…requesting… "Don't let…" His words seemed to get stuck. She waited, holding her breath. "Please," he asked softly. He drew his courage and said the next part quickly. "Please don't act like they're broken again, just to make somebody else happy." He'd forgotten at this point not to let her gaze meet his. But, he really wasn't asking for any more than… any more than it was right to have. He just couldn't go back to… to the emptiness. To the shattered, broken, fractured… It hurt too much and he just couldn't bear the thought of going back to that place.
A soft smile found her lips. A soft voice emanated from them. "Nothing's broken, Jess. Nothing will ever be broken again."
His head dipped forward. His eyes wandered around the floor of the porch. His mouth didn't smile, didn't frown, didn't form any expression that was definable, but it toyed with several emotions trying to hide themselves on his face. Eventually he nodded very lightly for several seconds and then tilted his head toward the house.
Just as the crowd had dissipated from the living room not long before, there was a sudden, unexplainable influx from all directions. Sookie and Jackson, having retrieved their three children, in varying states of wakefulness, were making their way down the stairs. Liz and April followed behind them, deep in conversation about gemstones and jewelry making. TJ, Doula and Luke and Lorelai's kids came in from the backyard, having gotten wind of the fact that dessert was being served.
Jess and Rory slunk in the front door, grateful for the coincidental mass entrance, as it lessened the awkwardness of appearing so promptly after Christopher's outburst. Jess noted that Christopher's words had really gotten to Luke, as he was busily clearing away half-finished and not-yet-touched pieces of pie, some of which were not-yet-melted "a la mode." This added to the general confusion, as no one was finished with dessert, and several had come in for the specific purpose of having some of the contents of the plates that were rapidly disappearing. If Sookie hadn't been preoccupied with the task of leaving, she would have been outraged at how much of her pie was making its way swiftly into the trash.
"Uh, Luke," Jess began, his uncle halting in his path of destruction. "I'm gonna turn in early. It's been a long day." He hiked his thumb toward the door, as if pointing to the general direction of the diner and their former mutual residence. "Key still in the same place?"
"Yeah."
"'Kay, thanks. I'll…see you in the morning." Luke nodded in reply. "Thanks for everything, Lorelai," he nodded. He almost hugged her, but somehow with Christopher standing there, it would have been strange. She smiled, ready to bid him goodnight, but Rory interrupted the intention.
"I'd better get going too," the younger Lorelai said, to her mother's shocked disappointment. Her dad was staring at the far corner of the room, looking about as guilty as he felt for ruining the evening for all but Liz, TJ, their kids, and April. Well, technically the Gilmores had left shortly after dinner, as Richard had an early plane to catch in the morning, so technically their evening hadn't been ruined either. "I've got a long drive ahead of me," Rory explained.
"You're leaving tonight!" Lorelai objected, having thought she had the prospect of her daughter and grandchildren over the course of a long weekend. She had plans. Things for them to do. She didn't bother trying to hide her discouragement.
"I know. I'm sorry, Mom. I should have told you earlier. But, I've really got to get back. I wish I could stay." Her voice was full of regret. Lorelai's pouting lip and heaving sigh wasn't making it easier.
"I just… The boys are still asleep. I won't even get to give them a real goodbye. I…" She sighed again. "If you really have to go, I understand. I just-" She shrugged. "You have to come visit really, really soon."
"I will."
"And bring your husband."
"I'll try."
"Come on, we'll have a whole movie night dedicated to cheering him up: Life is Beautiful, Cheaper by the Dozen, followed by the Lion King with Mufasa in the clouds, 'cause Simba really fits! And then Spiderman - Harry, not Peter, because Peter would be Jess, but the Green Goblin, eh?" She nodded, smiling and then mimed being stabbed by whatever sort of strange flying thing the villain had accidentally wound up killing himself with.
"Mom!" Rory shrieked, horrified.
"Oh, and Batman Begins! Can't forget that. The element of revenge is-"
"You're sick, and twisted, and cruel and horrible!"
Lorelai grinned. "Well, I try," she shrugged, completely unrepentant. "Now, let's go get that boy his pie before Luke throws it all away."
"Here, I'll…help you with that," Jess volunteered somewhat awkwardly, discerning from his body language that Christopher wanted to speak to his daughter, and knowing that his own presence or Lorelai's could make that exchange volatile.
"Um - O-kay," Lorelai stumbled, clearly taken aback by his sudden eagerness to be useful… in…packing food…for Rory's husband. She shook her head rapidly to get the thoughts to settle into place.
"And, by the way, remind me never to let you cheer me up. I might wind up slitting my wrists…or hanging myself," Jess told her with a wry smile.
"And, that would be a bad thing because…?"
"Because you love me sooooo much, Auntie Lorelai," he said cruelly using her least favorite form of address.
"Ugh… You know, I think I liked you better back when I hated you," Lorelai mused.
"Hmm," he nodded, eyes and eyebrows expressing appreciation for the observation as the two made their way into the kitchen.
Lorelai may not have realized why Jess was playing escort/helper, but Rory knew too well that though his speech was nearly always blunt, Jess had a knack for diplomacy in the things he did. So, she was not at all surprised when her father stepped forward as soon as they'd left the room.
"Rory…"
"Dad."
He shuffled and ummed a bit before getting to the point. "I'm really sorry for… I didn't mean to embarrass you like that. I mean, God knows, after all the times my parents made me wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole, I swore I'd never do that to my kids. I just-" He broke off with a troubled, hurt look in his eyes, and set to his lips that Rory couldn't be mad at. She knew her dad meant well.
"It's okay, Dad," she assured him. "You've always been the cool, doesn't-embarrass-me-in-front-of-my-friends type father that every girl wishes her dad was. I mean…you drive a motorcycle!"
"In other words, I was never around long enough to embarrass you growing up, so it's no big deal if I do it a couple of times now," he said quietly.
"No, Dad," she sighed. He gave her a stare that challenged her to tell him the truth. "Okay, maybe. But, either way, you don't have to feel bad. I don't want you to feel bad."
"I was a lousy father, and I can't fix that by being a hypocritical butt-in-ski now," he sighed, in a rare moment of self-awareness and raw honesty. "I may hate what you're doing with your life, but that doesn't give me any right to tell you how to live it."
"What I'm doing with my life?" Rory objected, frowning. She knew her dad meant well, but this…this she could be mad at. "I don't know what you're talking about! I mean, I know what you're talking about! I heard what you said, but it's ridiculous! I was sitting, catching up with an old friend, having a nice friendly conversation. And, yes, we do have a weird history, but name one person in this house tonight who doesn't!" She saw him considering. "No…the kids don't count."
"I wasn't…"
"Well, you could have."
"When was the last time I told you you're exactly like your mother?"
"I take that as a compliment!" she huffed.
"I didn't mean it otherwise." They both stood there for a moment, letting the conversation sink in. "Okay…you're right, Rory. It was… It wasn't a fair thing to say, or…to think of you. I just want you to be careful, all right?"
"I am careful," she told him.
"You may think I'm just being a hypocrite, but I'm really not. It's a mistake I've made. It's a mistake your mom made. I just don't want to see you make the same mistake. I don't want to see you get hurt."
Rory sighed and looked at the ground. "I know, Dad. It's a mistake I've made before," she admitted quietly but deliberately. "It's a lesson I've already learned. Not one that I'm going to repeat." Christopher let out a quick, deep sigh. "And, I know you've never thought much of Jess, but you don't really know him. If you did, you'd know that it's not a mistake he'd let me make with him, even if I wanted to." Christopher raised his eyebrows a bit at this. "Just saying," she explained.
"And, I know that my husband is hurting," she continued, "and I know that he needs me, and I know that you identify with what he's going through. I know all of this."
Christopher set his jaw and nodded. "Okay, then." Beat. "I was wrong. Forgive me."
"It's okay, Dad. I…" She paused. "I understand."
Jess had kept one eye on the living room and had rather skillfully kept Lorelai occupied as long as he could see that Rory and her dad continued deep in conversation. Lorelai was wrapping tin foil onto the last plate.
"So, are they done?" she asked, eyebrows raised, though she didn't take her eyes from the foil. He smirked. "What, you don't think I'm that slow, do you?" She glared at him. Jess bit his lip and chuckled.
"Yeah, they're done," was his only reply. Lorelai returned the half smile, and the two of them, more uncannily alike that either would admit to in several lifetimes, made their way companionably back to the main part of the house.
"We come bearing gifts!" Lorelai announced brightly, as if the plates were unexpected. Rory laughed. She'd spent the few moments that Jess and Lorelai had been picking up and carrying plates gathering her various belongings. Christopher had gone to find Gigi and head for his mother's place, where they were to stay the rest of the weekend.
"Thanks, mom," Rory smiled.
Jess nodded to Rory. "Why don't you give me your keys. You and your mom can go get the kids. I'll load this stuff up for you."
"Jess, you don't have to do that!" she objected. Jess rolled his eyes and put out his hand, mutely rejecting her objection. She shook her head and handed him her car keys. "Thank you," she shrugged, knowing there was no way of talking him out of it. Jess said his goodbyes to Luke, Liz, TJ and Doula while Lorelai and Rory went up the stairs. Lorelai took her time kissing the sleeping bundles of sweetness, and snuggled baby Chase on her way down the stairs, Rory behind her, lugging Trevor's not-as-light-as-he-used-to-be dead weight. By the time they reached the bottom of the stairs, all that was left to load into the car was the kids and the diaper bag.
"Which is heavier, kids or bag?" Jess asked.
"Kids, but-" Before she could even finish the sentence, Jess had somehow managed to put one child on each shoulder, looking at Lorelai and nodding toward the doorknob.
Lorelai smiled a soft, curious smile, wondering how on earth Jess Mariano looked so perfectly natural and at home holding two sleeping children. She would have stood, quite content to enjoy the unexpected tableau, if she hadn't been obliged to open the door.
She stood in the doorway, watching as the two young adults negotiated the walkway and cooperated to get the little ones into the car without waking them any more than necessary. She had a hard time understanding the feeling that came over her…serene with what was…curious at what might have been…sorry…sorry this was so unimaginable back when…back when it had the possibility of becoming real. She shivered. Strange thoughts. Strange, strange thoughts. She turned and went back in the house, putting such thoughts into the mental attic where they belonged.
"So, that's it." Everything was in the car, and there was really nothing left but for him to walk to the diner, get the key from above the door and go up to the old apartment, for her to drive away and keep driving until she got home.
"That's it," she agreed, nodding. "I probably won't see you till next year," she said in sad surprise, the realization coming upon her suddenly.
"Yeah, prob'ly not," he acknowledged with resignation. "It's been…" he trailed off.
"Really good."
"Yeah." He looked at the ground. "I hope everything…" he shrugged, none of his sentences feeling like completing themselves. As if, somehow, unfinished sentences would mean the evening wasn't finished. That he wouldn't really have to wait so long to see her again. He wished that he could pretend that really didn't matter. He couldn't think of any good reason that it should. But, that had never made any difference.
Rory nodded in understanding. "It will."
He nodded again. "It's too bad he couldn't…" This time he nodded vaguely toward the passenger's side of the car. The gesture didn't make much sense, since normally her husband would've occupied the driver's seat, just per habit, but his meaning was still clear.
"I'll tell him you missed him," she said, eyes twinkling, knowing this wasn't exactly what he meant.
Jess eyes laughed back. "Yeah, you do that." Somehow, they both knew that was her cue to get in the car. She was halfway inside when a sense of unexplainable, urgent foreboding overtook Jess.
"Rory!" His voice sounded panicked, and she looked up abruptly, questioning, but not speaking. He looked around awkwardly, realizing he had no idea what he intended to say. But, he had to say something!
"If…" He looked at her imploringly, willing her to understand what he couldn't say. If you need me…if something's wrong…if you ever…if you can't…if you're in trouble…or need help…or a friend…or anything…anything at all…
He couldn't say any of it.
"I know, Jess," she assured him. "I know."
A/N: Remember: In a relationship - any relationship - it's important to let the other person know that you appreciate them so you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation. ;-D
Which is just the ultra-Literati way of expressing: If you let me know you like it, and what about it you like, I'm likely to get the next chapter/s up faster. :D Love you guys!
