A/N: This chapter has subjects of abuse and talks of harm. I did my best to make it as gentle as possible and skipped around extreme detail. However, just in case I put ***** next to the paragraphs where I mention the topics above and where it ends. I might think they're light, while others might not. So, I gave some warning. However, I also kept some fluff in this chapter too

All mistakes are mine.

Ana POV:

"Well, hot damn, I'm going to have to turn the hose on you two." Kate's voice interrupts our little tongue twisting. "Did you two forget you are in a hospital?"

I turn my head and look over at Kate, "Yes we did, but do you mind?" I tell her pointing back to the door.

"Hmmm… no I don't mind. Your dad was getting worried about you. He thought you went to Colombia for the beans to make your coffee. He wanted to make sure you were alright." she gives me a such face splitting grin. "Can I be the one to tell him, just how alright you are?"

"Shut up, Kate. Now you see I'm ok, you can go now." I wave her off. I love the girl to pieces but she can be so embarrassing sometimes. I look up at Christian and he's just smiling like the cat that got the cream. His grip around my waist becomes tighter and he rest his chin on my head.

She laughs, "I needed to tell you also I was heading out. You know someone should be in the office while the two big bosses play tonsil hockey."

"God dammit Kate, hush it."

"You love me. Anyways, I promise to keep everyone in line for the week." She smiles brightly.

"They'll never listen to you." I harp.

"Yeah, yeah." She waves her hand at me. "But, really. Everything is covered. Right Christian?"

"Yes, everything is covered. I pushed all the meetings back to next week. Anything that had a deadline, I have covered." Christian informs me. I'm relieved, one last thing I need to worry about, and to be honest haven't really thought about it.

You're such a slacker Ana.

At least I know I have an awesome staff where the company can pretty much run itself.

"Thank you." I tell both of them.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it." Kate smirks before hugging me goodbye.

Once Kate is out of the room I turn back to Christian, "we need to talk, before we go any further in this." I wave my hand between us both.

"Ok, let's talk, so we can get back to this," he pushes himself into me and kisses me again.

This man is going to drive me to the distraction.

"Stop," I mumble against his lips.

"No.. " He chuckles before kissing me again.

I finally have to push him off of me, to get away from him.

"I want to tell you….everything."

"If you want to tell me, I'll be here to listen. And I know what you're thinking." he says and grabs my face. "You're not going to scare me off."

"I doubt that." I mumble.

"You won't. I don't want you doubting these feelings I have for you, or you to doubt yours; thinking I won't understand."

He lets go of my face and I look down at the ground. "I just haven't ever really told anyone before. I just feel like you have the right to know before you get mixed up with me. Not everyone is meant to help carry someone else's baggage. "

"Well, I might just be that one." he puts his finger under my chin and kisses my lips ever so gently.

I really want him to be that one.

"Ok." I say softly. "Will you come back to my place after we finish visiting my dad? It's easier for you to run from my place then from yours." I smirk.

"Stop that. I'm not going anywhere."

x-x-x-x

I finally get that cup of coffee I wanted and a chocolate chip cookie, that really was to die for, and head back to my father's room.

Christian and I walk hand and hand into the room and my dad looks back and forth between us with a smirk, but luckily doesn't say anything. I'm pretty sure Kate's big mouth has already spread the word to him. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a billboard somewhere announcing it to the world.

We stay for another couple of hours with my dad. I pretty much became chop liver when the boys started talking about sports again. I had to drown them out before I got bored to tears. So, I started sending out e-mails to my clients to keep me busy; well till Kate sent me a text telling me to stop working.

I hate how well she knows me.

Is this a good sign to how well my dad has bounded with Christian? With Tim, I could barely get a word out of him. Now, it's like his damn lips won't stop flapping.

If there's any person I trust in this world it's my dad. I guess if he can see something in Christian, then I know just maybe, I can let him in.

I just pray he doesn't break me more.

We wander into my penthouse a little after six and I pull out a bottle of wine. I glanced at the Tequila bottle and thought better of it. Considering how blurry my memory from last night is. I wonder what I will have to do to make Christian confess to me what I did. It couldn't be too bad since he's here now. I pour us both a glass and we settle onto the couch.

"Let me start, by saying something first."

"Ok…" I say cautiously.

"I want to be with you, like really be with you." He takes my hand and puts it on his chest. "Just the fact that you can do this says everything to me. That you were meant for me-only me."

Swoon.

"I want to be with you too. I just feel like I need to tell you a few things before we can even more forward from here. Sadly, I think I'm going to need a lot more to drink to get through this." I say holding up my glass of wine.

"Well, why don't we stick to the wine, I don't need a repeat performance of last night." He chuckles.

"Are you going to tell me what I did last night?"

"Nope." He says popping the 'p' "I think I want to hold onto those memories for myself right now. I will say that you did mention how cute you thought I was."

"Well- I was drunk-" I grin and he leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"You're an adorable, hyper drunk."

I shake my head knowing that I'm blushing.

What the heck did you do, Ana?

"Since you're not going to tell me what a fool I made of myself, let's do this- so you can start running…"

"There's nothing you could tell me that would make me change my mind about you. I'm not going to run."

"I wish I could believe that," I sigh "I'm pretty much damaged goods."

He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "I don't want to hear you talk like that anymore. We both come from some tragic pasts. You need to stop letting it hurt you now. I'm here for you. I want to be with you. Your past isn't going to change that. I like everything about you now, and no matter what; your past made you who you are today, and I really like who you are today. You're stronger then what you give yourself credit for."

I nod my head at him, not really sure how to respond to that. All I know it made my heart swoon. I think it might've even skipped a beat. I want to believe him and his words. More than anything. It's just hard for me to think he's going to accept this extra load I carry around with me.

Will he be willing to help me carry it and maybe help me finally toss it all overboard?

"I'm not even sure where I should start. Only my dad, Kate and my therapist know most of it." I take my glass of wine and chug down half the glass.

"You can trust me, I signed an NDA." he jokes

"I guess you're right. At this point I do kind of own your soul."

"My soul is yours Miss Steele." he purrs

"Don't do that." I glare at him.

"Don't do what?" he smirks

"Say my name like that right now. I'm trying to have a serious talk with you."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm trying to make you relax a little." He leans and kisses my forehead.

I nod again, "thank you- alright. I think I'm ready."

He takes my hand and puts it in his, the little gesture brings me small comfort as I start to lay my secrets on the line.

"I guess we can start with Tim. However, it goes back before him. It's a big part I think I protect myself and my heart. When I was in college I was dating this guy, John. He was the first guy I was willing to try anything with. With my step dad and brother, it didn't make it easy for me to trust, but also want to have anyone touch me-"

"Were you-?" He lets the rest of the question hand, but I know just what he's asking.

"No, I wasn't raped, but what they did probably wasn't any less demeaning-but I'll get there. Explaining that make take something stronger to drink."

"Ana- don't feel like you have to do this all at once or at all."

"I have to. If there's any chance for us, I have to. Unless you're already rethinking all this."

"No, I'm not." He leans over and kisses me and I can't help but feel like he's pouring every thought and feeling into this one said kiss. I've never been kissed like this. This is raw and passionate, and makes me dizzy at the same time. His kisses give me hope.

When he breaks away from me, I'm left breathless. Not to mention wanting more. I touch my lips as I enjoy the tingle he left there.

All it makes me want to do is shelf this conversation for another day and go back to kissing him

"What were we talking about again?" I say softly before shaking it off.

I need to do this. For me, for him, for us. I have this odd trust in him, I look at him and he makes me want to tell him all my secrets. Part of me hates that he has this odd magic over me that makes me want to confess like a catholic on a Sunday, but then the other part of me likes it, even if I can't explain it.

"Anyways, so John and I started dating. We were together for over a month. I thought I was in love with him and well one thing lead to another. It took me awhile for me to even want to do that with him. When I finally did, he was not gentle and I couldn't relax. He said he liked it better if we could "role play" and he could call me dirty names. I just couldn't get into it and just froze." I shiver at the memory. "The next day, I found him in my dorm fucking some random chick in my bed. He seemed so pleased with himself when I caught him. Like he planned the whole thing. I mean he didn't even stop." I roll my eyes and try to keep the queasiness in my stomach down.

"I turned and left- the next day there were a bunch of rumors about me around campus; about how terrible of a lay I was or how I was such a prude. Someone made a poster that said 'don't date this girl. And scores of my sex skills. Guys would harass me and send me porn so I could "practice". So, I ended up just burying myself in my studies and did more online courses, but it followed me till I graduated. Thankfully, I finished in two and half years."

I pause for a minute, and look at Christian. I can't read his face, he looks like he's have an internal battle, but I'm thankful he doesn't look disgusted.

Give it time, Ana.

"So, in comes Tim shortly after I graduated. We hit it off and started as friends, he helped me with the build of the business. I kind of always knew he had a crush on me, but I kept him arm's length. It was about five or so months ago, I decided to give him a chance. But, I wouldn't put out, I wanted a commitment first, not so much marriage, but maybe love, or just that overwhelming feeling of wanting someone, like you read in books."

"So, you didn't love him?" Christian asks softly.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe at the time I thought I did. I think it was more like a love for a friend if anything. There was never that zap."

Like with you

"So, what did this bastard do?" He growls. I can feel the grip on my hand becoming tighter. It actually relaxes me, for what I'm about to share. Like I think if Christian saw John or Tim right now they might be ten feet under.

"He promised he would wait for me to be ready. I only told him a little bit about John and the other two. I guess my brain knew better than to trust him. Well, a month ago, I started to hear rumors about him and Wanda Shepard in accounting, she was my head of accounting and someone I taught was a good friend." I say bitterly. "I should've listened to Kate about her, she hated the bitch, before I knew she was bitch. Anyhoo, I asked him about it. He got mad and started calling me awful names."

Fuck- I'm going to say this out loud. I close my eyes tightly, knowing I need to pace myself.

I feel Christian's arms wrap around me and pull me into his lap. I feel protected for almost once in my life. Safe. He's rubbing my back as my head lays on his shoulders. I can feel the wetness on my cheek and I hate that I keep letting this asshole affect me this way.

"You don't-" Christian starts to tell me. He holds my face in his hands and wipes the tears from my cheeks.

"I do- I want to. It's just nobody knows about this… so please swear-"

"I'll write it in blood if I have too. I'm not going to tell anyone, Ana. I know it's hard. I'm really starting to see why your heart is so locked up. But look at me." I do. "You can trust me."

I stare into his eyes and his grey orbs screaming out to me to trust him.

I take a shaky breath and prepare myself for how I'm going to say this. Most know part of the story but nobody knows what happened the day before Tim actually left. The day I learned that sometimes you can't even trust people you consider friends, that they take your heart and stomp all over it. To do everything they can to destroy you.

*****"Tim was really drunk, saying shit. We were yelling back and forth at each other for what seemed like hours. He admitted cheating, and I told him to get out of my house and I didn't want to see him again. Well, something in him snapped even more and he slammed me into the wall and I ended up hitting my head pretty hard. When I came too, he left a me a note say he was going to California with Wanda. That also maybe if I had put out none of this would have happened. It's like he did this whole Jekyll and Hyde thing over night. Someone later told me he was going around talking, that he couldn't handle his girlfriend being his boss. I guess he started drinking more. Also, when he left he took one of my major companies with him, to try to start his own thing. However, I can luckily say he crashed in burned and Wanda left him."*****

"I want to kill them…" Christian mummers and holds me tighter against him.

"You're not alone there." I whisper.

"You'd really think I would run away from you, for that."

"That's only half of everything…." I mumble.

Maybe because you'll think that I'm a bad lay and not worth the wait, so why waste your time with me.

"Well, why don't we take a small break. Dance with me…"

"Dance?" I snort.

"Yes, I learned last night what an incredible dancer you are."

"Oh, god, we danced and you still have toes." I giggle.

How the hell am I giggling after everything I just told him?

"How do you do it?" I ask him as he helps me stand up and wraps me in his arms. And we start swaying to the quiet.

"Do what?"

"Make me smile? Make me feel better? I mean I went from wanting to see you turned to road kill to kissing your face-"

"My grandmother used to tell me that sometimes, when you find your person, that your souls clash together and become one. That your problems becomes both of yours and you can be the only ones the help each other out of them. I was meant to find you just like you were meant to find me."

"That's sweet. What do you think would've happened between us if I came back to school the next day after I pushed you?"

"I don't know. I think I would've said I was sorry. I would hope to try to be friends or make it up to you. I'm not sure. I think all in all it was better that you got away when you did."

"I used to hate that everything happens for a reason shit."

"And now?"

"I think I'm finally getting it. Never in a million years did I think I would see your face again, actually ever want to be your friend and now -"

"You're my girlfriend-" he finishes for me.

"Yeah. Do you think you could handle your girlfriend being your boss?"

"I think so, I find it incredibly hot when you're in boss mode." He says as he lays kisses on my neck. "Sometimes, it will be hard to separate the two. But, I know we will have too, but you being in charge doesn't bother me. I admire it. We just might have a few extra 'meetings' now." He tells me before he bites my earlobe.

"I might have to move you to another floor, just so I can get work done."

"Maybe." He stops his trail of kisses and rest his head on my forehead. "We'll make it work, I'm not going to become a male chauvinist just because you boss me around and tell me what I need to do, or even tell me when I'm wrong. If I was, well I wouldn't have taken the job in the first place."

"What about wanting to start your own business. I thought that's what you wanted"

"It was." he shrugs, "But, for one I don't know if I could compete with you if I branched out on my own, and second, being apart of your success is our success. I get to be the one that helps you also make this company grow. At the end of the day, it's just a job and if I get to come to you at the end, I think it will be well worth it."

"You're so fucking sweet my teeth hurt."

"I try." He grins so brightly I have to close my eyes from get blinded.

"I bet that charm works on all the ladies."

"You're the only one I want it to work with."

"There you go again." I giggle, and wrap myself around him tighter. "You could have any woman you want, why me? I bet you're a stud."

"A stud huh?" he laughs and shakes his head. "Not really. I'm not a virgin, but it makes it hard to want to be close to anyone when you live in fear of them touching you. Not many woman go for the whole being tied up and doggy style every time. With you, I know you can touch me, and whenever you are ready, I look forward to the moment where you can explore and touch me without me having to worry or freak out."

"I just don't know when I will be-" I say softly and he lifts up my chin to look at him.

"I'm not those assholes, Ana. Our connection is much more then sex. If you wanted to wait till marriage I could do it. My right hand might end up being a lot stronger than my left, but I'll wait. I'll still get to kiss you and be with you. Maybe if I'm lucky hold you again while you sleep. I'm not a horn dog. I learned morals and how to treat a woman right from my grandfather. When I told him, what happened with Marie and you, well he also helped knock me in the head and taught me alot. I'm not going to hurt you Ana. I'm a monogamous kind of guy, so I'm not going to cheat, I'm not made that way. I've been cheated on to you know."

He's right, for the same reason as me.

"Thank you." I lean up and kiss him and the kiss turns feverish. I feel like I'm on fire, the burning ache between my legs is back, screaming for some kind of relief.

But I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of relief yet. He needs to know the rest of it. To understand fully he has to know it. Dr. Lark thinks the only way I can have a future with anyone is to be able to trust that person enough with my past demons. Steven is behind bars for life, Mac, well last I knew he was living in Vegas with Marie, and their son. I haven't heard from him since the day I left. I hope it stays that way.

I break away from his kiss and he stares back at me with raw carnal lust in his eyes, and I know being able to say no to him isn't going to be easy. Because I really want to have that anaconda of his between my legs.

"Christian-"

"What baby?" My heart flutters when he says baby. No one has ever called me baby. Tim called me chick. I hated that.

"I want to tell you the rest. I want to get it all out there. I want it over with."

"You sure?" I nod and I take his hand and lead him back to the couch.

"How much do you know about my step family? I just found out that your dad's law firm worked my mom's case for the state and I know my mom's death made the news."

"My dad hasn't told me anything. I know he knows something, but he would never tell me. And yes, I know about your mom's death, but it was labeled unknown."

I take a steady breath and look at a picture on the wall as my focal point. I don't know if I can look at Christian while I tell him this, without falling apart.

******"My mom died at the hands of my stepfather Steven. Her death wasn't disclosed to the public because it was gruesome." I suck back the tears in the back of my throat. "Even I don't know every detail, I refuse to ever know. When she died I locked myself away for a month. I couldn't talk and could barely eat. I couldn't acknowledge it. For a long time, I felt at fault for her death. I wish I did more to get her out…"

"You were only fifteen…"

"I know that now. I know I tried. After lots of talks with my therapist, but the pain is still there. My mother is gone. I miss her all the time, and I didn't get to tell her goodbye." I wipe my face with the back of my hand, and try to stop the tears from falling.

"My freshman year was one of the worst times in my life. My mom was so terrified of leaving him. He would threaten her if she ever did. He started off so nice too, so did Mac. But, I guess that's what abusers do.. They suck you in. He used my mom as a punching bag and when he was done with her, he would come after me. He would tie me up sometimes and beat me so I had no chance of fighting back. The only friends I had were Kate and Ethan, and I had to keep them a secret. I wasn't allowed friends, he would say it was because I didn't deserve it. I was too ugly for friends. Then when I went to school, I always thought he was right, because everyone would make fun of me calling me ugly and fat." *******

Christian pulls me into his arms and holds me tight, "I'm sooo sorry." He says his voice cracks from the unshed tears, I believe he's holding in. "I'm so sorry…" he coos.

I relish the feeling of being in his arms. I realize how much comfort he brings me. It's almost frightening. I think I'm still in a state of disbelief how much I'm sharing with him. I break away from his slightly, and look at him "I know… and as you told me, you were a stupid kid. I'm forgiving you, remember." He nods and gives me a half smile.

"It doesn't make me feel that much better. I wish I could go back and take you away from all that-that I wasn't' one of you aggressors. How can you forgive me, I don't even know if I can forgive myself."

"It's because I believe you when you say you changed. I see it now. Plus, I don't like who I was turning into, trying to hold a grudge against you." I touch his cheek, "Just, let me finish, then once it's all out, maybe I can start leaving it all in the past and start to heal. I want to heal from it." I say strongly.

*******"So, the abuse just went on. I think sometimes I would think I deserved it, but I know he did it for some sick thrill. He hid my bruises well, so no one could see them, same with my mom. He would threaten me if I would tell anyone that I would end up dead along with my mother. He was a sick bastard. Along with all that he would make me uncomfortable, and he would just stare at me up and down. Once, I thought I caught him staring at me in the shower. Thankfully, it never came more than beady stares. Then one day I caught Mac and Marie and that just started a whole new game. Mac then would start to hit me and push me around. Marie would come over and watch how he would try to humiliate me. Videos of me being abused, making me do these "pranks". I'm just going to leave it there. I like to think in part I dealt with it enough. Bringing it all up, well I don't want to fill your head with it all either. I also blacked out and disassociated myself from most of it. My therapist thinks I would go somewhere else during these events as a way to deal."

"I hate that they did this to you. That...I let Marie talk me into hating you. I hate myself for ever dating her." He says disgusted.

"I'm sorry you dated her too." I try to joke, trying my best to lighten the mood. "Like I told you, you were kind of played. Mac and Marie knew if they kept you around it would help in making my life hell. You had some much pull in that damn school. Do I wish you would have used it for good and not evil, sure. But, anyways." I shrug, trying to prepare myself for what I'm about to say next. "They destroyed my stuff, tried their damnedest to ruin my dreams. They almost did, I was at the verge of giving up in life. I thought about killing myself days before I confronted you. I would think about how I could do it. The easiest way. I just wanted the pain to go away. I couldn't do it though. I was hiding in the bathroom, crying, when my mother came in and saw me. I told her I just couldn't do it anymore, so she called Ray and told him to come and get me right way. My mom held me for hours in that bathroom as we both cried. She told me how sorry she was, how she only wishes she did something sooner. I wanted to hate her for keeping me in that house. But, it's amazing how controlling fear is you know?" He nods. "The fact that she got me out when she did, is all that matters at this point anyways. My dad was overseas at the time, but he was on the first plane back. Which helped because it gave enough time for me to pack and hide stuff. Not to mention destroy everything Mac had on me and well.. I think you know the rest. My dad picked me up, my mom signed her rights away so he could adopt me and change my name. I think that's about everything." I say the rest at hyper speed and take a deep breath, knowing I'm done.*********

I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders and I crumble into his waiting arms and succumb to my tears.

Christian's POV

I think I'm in shock with everything she just shared with me. If I ever get my hands on these guys, I think I might kill them. I want a time machine and take away her pain. I helped cause some of her pain. Now, all I want to do is make her happy. She deserves nothing more to be happy.

I pull her back tightly into my arms and hold her as she starts to cry. It's not a blood curling kind of cry, it's soft whimpers. She just released a lot of shit and years of pain out on me. She was doing everything she could while telling me, not to cry. But, now I would think it was almost a sweet relief. I rub her back and kiss the top of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere." I tell her.

She doesn't say anything as she wraps her arms tightly around me and continues to cry.

"I'm never going anywhere."