Ethel walked through the door of the Ricardos' apartment and sat on the couch.
"Hey,Lucy."
"Hiya, Ethel. Ready for your parenting lessons?"
"Yep. What are you going to teach me?"
"Oh, just how to feed it and bathe it and stuff."
"Okay."
Lucy went into the closet and came back with books, some baby toys, and a realistic baby doll.
"This is your practice dummy," she said, holding up the doll.
"Oh."
"Yeah. First, we're gonna give it a bath. Go in the kitchen and get some water."
"Okay." Ethel took the baby bathtub into the kitchen and came out two minutes later, grunting,
"Ugh, Lucy, who knew water could be so heavy?"
"Whoever invented water should have not made it so heavy. Put it down, and I'll get the thermometer from the kitchen drawer."
"Okay."
Lucy came out with the thermometer.
"Here. Now, according to Dr. Spock, we should make the water nice and warm, about 75 degrees should do the trick." Lucy put the thermometer in, submerging her hand along with it. She pulled it out, yelping, "Oh, Ethel! This water is FREEZING!"
"I'm sorry, Lucy!"
"Go get some warm water this time!"
"Oh, okay..."
"And hurry up!"
"OKAY!"
Ethel came back with the warm water, saying, "Why do I have to do all the work?"
"Well," Lucy replied, "you're its parent, you've gotta take care of it."
"You're the teacher, you've gotta demonstrate things. Besides, I'm gonna get achy more easily than you. I'm pregnant, you know."
"You're the student, you've gotta learn things. Is the water the right temperature."
"Yeah."
"Put the baby in." Ethel put the baby face-down into the water and let go of it. "Oh, ETHEL! Not like THAT!"
"Then how?"
"Face up, so it doesn't swallow water and drown!"
"Oh! Darn it! Why didnt you tell me before?
"Ethel, it's common sense. Every woman knows that." Ethel turned the baby over. "Hold him in the water with your left hand. Here's a washcloth; use your right hand to wipe his body." Ethel wiped gently on his chest.
"Like this, Lucy?"
"Yeah, like that. Good!" Ethel continued, wiping it's face, chest, arms, back, and legs. Once she reached the private part, she paused.
"Um, Lucy?"
"Yes?"
"Do I have to clean its..."
Lucy bossily retorted, imitating Ethel, "Yes, you have to wipe its..."
"Can you do it? I'm scared."
"Oh... okay." Lucy yanked the wash cloth out of Ethel's hands, washed its privates and behind, took the wet washcloth, and rubbed it in Ethel's face. She gasped. She quickly rinsed the baby and said,
"All done, master." She dumped the entire tub on Lucy's head. Lucy gasped.
"WELL!"
