Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
Warnings: Angst.
Pairings: Raito/L
Summary: At L's death, he spoke of love. Raito believes it was to mess with his head and a new game begins, but Raito can't win. What will he do to win the game of love when L is dead?
Notes: Thanks for all the reviews, comments, favorites, and alerts for this story. Glad everyone enjoys it. Hope you like this chapter and please tell me what you think.
Raito pulled his hand back quickly. He never heard L raise his voice that loudly before since he met the man or at least what he can remember. He didn't want the other being mad at him. He just wanted to know who could hurt another person like that. Wrapping his arms around L, he whispered, "Don't be mad at me."
L looked down at the ground. He didn't mean to show such a harsh emotion. He always kept those emotions away. Why was he showing his emotions so clearly to this teenager? Was his love for the boy affecting his judgment? He removed the arms wrapped around him and sighed, "We need a shower." He needed to clear his head again. He needed to be the detective, not a man with emotions. He walked to bathroom with Raito following him. It was time to put this behind him like he has done with everything else.
Raito followed behind the older man in silence. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to ask about the scars again but he feared L reaction. He wanted to understand L more than anything. The moment the cuffs fell to the ground, he went inside the shower with L. He wanted to know so much about a man who was so secretive. He grabbed the soap and rubbed L's back, softly.
L tensed by the touch. He didn't want anyone to touch him like that. Well, he didn't want his scars out in the open. Sadly, that wasn't going to happen. He chained himself to another person and Raito was going to see his scars at some time. He sighed and relaxed. Raito wasn't doing anything harmful or asking more questions about the scars. He refused to tell the story behind the scars.
When he washed L's back, Raito whispered afraid to break their spell, "I'm done. Do you think you could wash my back?" He could do it himself but he wanted to feel L's hands on him.
L stepped in front of the wash and washed all the soap off of him. He turned around to face the teenager and replied, "Turn around." He watched Raito turn around and he took the soap to wash the younger man's back. He sighed in contentment as he felt Raito relax to his touches.
After they washed, they stepped out of the shower, heading toward the bedroom. Raito stared down at his clothes and dressed in silence. What could he say to L? He glanced over to see those scars standing out on the older man's back. They told him that L was hurt but by who. Who would do such a thing? He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt the cold metal snap onto his wrist. He looked up to stare into those dark eyes. He walked toward the older man and wrapped his arms around L's waist. He leaned down and touched L's lips with his own.
L pulled away even though he wanted more. It was getting dangerous being so close to Raito. He couldn't even push the younger man even though he knew the other was a murderer. He tugged at the chain and walked to the bed in silence. It was best to let the teenager sleep or he will have Yagami upset at him.
Raito lay down without saying a word. He was tired and he needed rest. He sighed sadly when the older man didn't say a word. He closed his eyes as he felt the bed dip from the weight of the other man.
He listened to Raito's breathing even out singling that the teenager was asleep. L closed his eyes as he curled up sitting up. He also needed to rest his mind. Of course, he didn't sleep really. He only rested his eyes.
The room was dark with one candle lit to light up the small room. One young boy sat in the corner behind the chair, holding a small stuff animal in his arms. Loud sounds of bangs and things crashing against the wall were heard. When the door slammed open, he curled his small legs against his chest and bit down on his thumb, hoping the person would go away.
'Where are you little brat!' A man yelled into the room as he approached the chair.
The small child curled up into a ball, wishing the man would leave the room, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He knew for a fact the man knew where he was hiding. When the chair was thrown against the wall, the young child trembled. He listened to it break into pieces. He wanted this nightmare to go away. He didn't want to stare up into those cold eyes anymore. He wanted this man away from his being. But he knew it would not happen. This man would always be there and the woman of the house would never come and save him.
The man stared down at the frightened child and sneered, 'I wish you were never born. You bring misfortune to this house. You little damn brat.'
The child closed his eyes to hide from the harsh words. He wanted his mother's warmth to protect him, but he knew better. His mother was locked away in her bedroom, hiding away from her abusive husband. He was yanked off the ground and thrown against the wall hard. He bit his lip to stop the cries from escaping. He knew the man who was his father would love to hear them. He refused to give that to the man. He was turned around and the lash came fast and hard against his back. He felt the pain bubbling up. He let a small sob escape his lips. He wanted it to end.
'You dirty boy. You are such a disgrace to this house.' His father ranted as use the belt and hit the boy's back.
A new pain arose as the belt hit his bare back. The boy cried loudly unable to keep his voice silent. He wanted someone to come and save him. But he knew if the police did come, his dear mother would lie to keep the man of the house safe. He didn't understand why his mother would protect the man beating her child. Did she believe him to be a cruse too?
The room changed. The small child was hiding in the closest as he listened to his parents fight. It was the first time that his mother was out in the open for her abusive husband to get his hands on her. The child wanted to run out there and protect his mother even though she never protected him.
'You brought that child to our house! A child to another man! You bitch!' The man yelled.
The six year old child curled into a ball, listening to the man rant about him being another man's child. So, his mother cheated on her husband which brought pain to them all. The door to the closet was opened and he was pulled out of his safety. He knew the moment he was dragged into the room that he was going to feel pain once again.
Dark eyes snapped open and a scream escaped his lips. He felt movement in the bed and a touch on his shoulder. L yelled, "Leave me alone!" The touch disappeared quickly. All he could see was his old home with the man who would beat him almost everyday. He wanted it all to stop. He wanted the pain to disappear, emotionally and physically. Slowly everything was becoming clearer and he saw he was in his bedroom in Japan. He was far away from the haunting house he once lived in. He glanced to his side to see concern honey eyes staring at him.
Raito stared at L for a few moments. It seemed the older man was catching up to reality. He touched L's shoulder again. L tensed under his touch but he kept his hand there. He needed to know if the other was all right. He whispered afraid to raise his voice, making the detective scared, "Are you all right?"
Silence was what he gave the teenager. He wasn't about to reveal anything to the other man. He unlocked the cuff and snapped it to the headboard. He stood up, staring at the door. His back felt like it was on fire, just like in the past. He needed to talk to someone. L glanced back down to see Raito confused. He sighed, "I will be back. Do not try anything stupid." He walked out of the room and went down the hall. He had to talk to someone. It has been years since he had nightmares like that.
In the monitoring room, Watari stared at the young woman. Shaking his head, he sighed, "You really know how to make him conflicted about the matter."
"Please, you know full well he likes Raito. The way he looks at the boy is a give away." Kats muttered as she slipped her tea. It was late but she couldn't sleep. She decided to talk to Watari. It was always a pleasant conversation with the elderly man.
Sighing deeply, Watari remarked, "Maybe so, but I trust his judgment and I believe he is right about Yagami-kun."
"He will never live if he doesn't take a risk." Kats replied, not ready to give up on the matter.
"He takes risks everyday when he takes on cases."
"That is not the same and you know it, old man."
"It does not matter how old I am, it depends on how I feel."
"Taking care of Ryuuzaki, I guess you must feel pretty old."
Watari laughed as he stared at the young woman. He can't get use to her teasing. It is amusing. The door slid open and he watched surprise as L walked inside the room. He asked concerned, "Ryuuzaki, what is it?"
Kats turned around to look at her friend. She stood up and asked, "L, what's wrong?" She didn't like to see that face. It looked haunting. It showed so much pain.
L looked between his caretaker and his friend, sighing. He took a step forward and whispered, "They are back." He took Kats seat and lowered his head, hiding all his emotions away from them. He mumbled, "The nightmares are back. I do not want them."
"L." Kats muttered. She didn't like to see L like this. She saw it once before and it was haunting. She touched L's shoulder to feel him tense under her touch. She sighed, "I'm sorry."
L glanced up to stare at the only two who knew about his past. He sighed sadly. Raito was getting close to finding everything out. He shook and sighed again. He couldn't stand being touched by anyone after one of his nightmares.
'Oh baby, do not worry. He swore to stop drinking. He will not do it again.'
His mother would say that every time his father would beat him. She always touched his shoulders as she said it to him. L looked back to the ground and whispered, "He seen the scars."
Watari stared at his ward. He knew some part of L's past but not how it affected the boy. He glanced over at Kats and tried to figure out what they could do for the detective. He whispered, "Maybe it is unwise to have yourself chained to Yagami-kun."
"No. He is still my suspect." L voiced out firmly.
"Is that the only reason you chained yourself to him?" Watari asked. He also believed what Kats said. There was no one who matched L. Raito was different. Raito was matched to L with everything.
Chuckling, L mumbled, "I see you and Kats were talking about my feelings." He stood up and stated, "Justice will prevail. I will not let my emotions over rule my judgment ever." He refused to let the emotions rule him. He can't let the past come and haunt him again. He can't let his love for Raito change his judgment.
In the bedroom, Raito sat on the bed, raging. He couldn't believe the older man locked him to the bedpost. It would be good if the older man was in the room with him. Maybe he could get something more from the detective. He sighed bored. What was wrong with L? Was it something to do with the scars on the detective's back? He wished the other would talk to him. He closed his eyes. He was tired.
The body was falling and he ran over to catch the falling body. He didn't know what he expected. He stared down at the body and he wanted to scream at the horror. He couldn't believe it was the detective. He felt his lips twitch upwards. No, he didn't want this. He didn't want the other man dead, but some part of him did. NO! He screamed inside of his head. He couldn't voice out his pain.
'I…I…I love Raito-kun…'
Those words spoken with the man's dying breathe and it was driving him in a fit of madness. The others in the room were asking what was going on, but he couldn't answer them. He was torn into two. One part of him wanted the other man dead. The other part wanted those words to be true. He screamed loudly, 'Ryuuzaki! Ryuuzaki!' The man wasn't answering him. He needed to know those words were the truth, not some kind of game they played.
He was woken with a start when he felt someone shaking him. He jumped up, pulling at the chain, making it rattle. Raito stared into dark eyes. He jumped forward, knocking the older man off the bed with him on top. He muttered while holding onto the older man tightly, "You're alive."
"Of course I am." L replied, confused by the teenager's actions. When he came back into the room, scolding his emotions behind a mask, he heard Raito yelling out his alias and saying no repeatedly. He tried to push Raito up but the other wasn't moving an inch. He felt something wet run down his neck. He was ready to ask but shut his mouth. Even if Raito doesn't remember anything, he still had his pride. L wasn't going to reveal he knew Raito was crying.
Raito tried to hold back his tears but he couldn't. The dream felt too real for him. He wiped away his tears and leaned up, staring down at L. He was happy the other was alive. What was the dream? Was it a sign that the other would not make it through this case? He sat up and whispered, "This case is dangerous."
"I know."
"You could be killed."
"That is a possibility."
"Don't you care?"
"This is my life, solving the hardest cases."
"But you could die."
"Maybe so."
"I don't want you to die."
"Raito-kun…"
"Please say you won't die."
L stared up at Raito. He sat up. He couldn't promise something like that. He already told Watari that this was his last case. Japan was the last place he would go. He knew he was waiting for death. He didn't understand how he knew. He leaned forward and kissed Raito. He refused to promise something like that. Besides, it was a lie. Raito would return to being Kira at some point and kill him. Then, why is he letting this happen? It will only bring heart break.
Raito couldn't take it anymore. He leaned forward, taking control of the kiss. He didn't understand it but he knew he refused to be the one dominated. He pushed L back onto the floor, sweeping his tongue across white teeth. He swallowed a moan. He ran his hand up the white t-shirt, touching the warm pale skin. He wanted to dominate this man with everything he got. He broke the kiss as he moved the shirt over L's head.
L stared up into lust filled golden eyes. Oh, he knew he should put a stop to this but he couldn't. He didn't want to put a stop to this. He wanted human contact for once in his life. If he was going to die on this case, then he wanted this experience. He started to take Raito's shirt off, touching the tan smooth skin.
Raito thrust his hips down, gaining a loud moan from the other man. Yes, that is what he wanted to hear. L should beg him for this. They had something and he refused to let it go.
Ryuk howled in laughter as he watched the two men roll over the ground, trying to gain the upper hand. He heard footsteps and wondered who would walk on them this time. He really wished this game would have some confessions. It would amuse him greatly to hear one of them slip that they love the other.
The door swung open and Kats stepped inside. She looked at the two men, rolling on the floor. Leaning against the wall, waiting for one of them to see her, she smiled at the scene. It was amusing. L left and came back to the one person who could heal his heart.
L moaned when Raito thrust his hips down on him, making him aware of his growing need. As he leaned his head back, he saw Kats leaning against the wall. He pushed Raito off of him and stood up quickly. He commented, "I can explain."
Raito looked by the door to see Kats standing there with her arms crossed. Why did that woman have to mess everything up? He really wanted her away from L. Now, L would make up an excuse of what they were doing.
Kats stared at the two and wanted to laugh. She glanced out the door and whispered, "I suggest you put your shirts on before Yagami-san walks through this door." She turned to watch the two quickly put there shirts on. She doesn't know what she should do right now.
"It was not what it looked like. We got into a fight." L lied.
She glanced down wards and mumbled, "It must have been a heated fight for you both to sporting those."
L felt his need soften by the embarrassing situation. He lowered his head and muttered, "I am ruin."
"Yes, you are." Kats replied and glanced over at Raito. She wondered if he overheard her conversations before.
"It wasn't his fault. I pushed myself on him." Raito replied quickly. He didn't want to ruin L. But he did what the girl out of the way. Could he use this affair to break them apart? "Beside you are nothing to him." He growled.
"Yagami-kun!" L yelled. He refused to let his friend be pushed away because the teenager didn't like her. She meant the world to him. She was one of two he could talk to.
Staring at the teenager, Kats smirk and replied, "I would like to see the day that happens, kid." Before Raito could rant, Yagami walked in and stared at the three. She sighed sadly, "They were fighting. What a shame. Don't you agree, Yagami-san?"
Yagami stared at the two young men and sighed. He shook his head and replied, "You two are important to this case. You should be working together, not fighting each other." He nodded his head toward Kats and left the room.
Kats sighed, "Get ready. They are waiting for you to work. Oh that Matsuda character is very funny." She left the room and walked down the hall.
"Fighting huh?" Raito asked in a growl. How dare this man make excuses for what they were doing? L should have told Kats that they were making out. L was his and he refused to let some woman have him.
Looking at Raito, L replied, "I will not explain myself to you. You do not know Kats, so you do not know how she acts." He pulled the teenager toward the bathroom. It was time to put this behind him and work on the case. They had clues thanks to Raito and they needed to figure out why Kira was backing up the Yotsuba Company and who was Kira.
Raito walked behind L when they got done in the bathroom. They were heading back to the main room to find more clues about the Kira Case. He wasn't sure what else they could find. They needed to find Kira's identity.
Matsuda walked up to L. He felt left out. Everyone was working so hard to find Kira but he hasn't done anything. All he does is run around with Misa as she does her shoots. He asked, "Is there anything I can do?"
"You want to do something important?" L questioned back.
"Yes." Matsuda said with a raised voice.
"Get me some coffee." L answered as he sat down in front of the computer.
Matsuda sighed sadly. He really did want to help solve the case. He walked away sadly. No one would see him as a real police officer. They would see him as a baggage.
Raito stared after the young man. He noticed the other was hurt by what L said. He sat next to L like always. Why did he get the feeling they did this before? He glanced at the others, who were looking through every employee in Yotsuba. He leaned toward L and whispered, "Why were you so mean to Matsuda-san?"
Kats looked up from her paper and yelled, "Hey, stop being that close to Ryuuzaki, kid!" She got every member to look over at the two men. She bit her lip to stop from laughing out loud.
L sighed and mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear, "Mind your own business, Kats. Raito-kun was asking something about the case."
"He didn't have to whisper it." Kats replied, enjoying the way everyone was looking between them. It was amusing her greatly.
L turned around to stare at Kats. He glanced to Raito who was glaring at his friend. He sighed, "He is just like me. Figure out why he whispered his question about the case instead of speaking up in front of everyone."
Kats raised an eyebrow and muttered, "You are no fun." The task force turned to stare at her now. She smiled at them and chuckled. She couldn't contain her laughter with their looks. They looked so confused by their words. She explained, "I was messing with them."
Yagami scolded, "This is a case, not a playing field."
"Live a little, Yagami-san. All work would drive everyone mad." Kats replied quickly. She couldn't understand how everyone had to work so hard and not have a little break to clear their minds.
L smiled truly at his friend's words. He forgot what Kats was truly like. She was right. Working on cases like these would drive people mad. He almost went mad a few times but Kats was there, making him see the brightness of life.
Raito watched L smile at the woman which makes rage boil inside of him. L should smile at him like that not her. He hated it. He didn't understand what his emotions were telling him. He felt they had something but that dream told him different. Did he want this man dead? He lowered his head to hide his emotions from everyone. He couldn't want another human being dead.
Kats watched the teenager closely. She could see his conflicted emotions on his face. She glanced around the room but noticed no one could see his emotions. She looked back at L to see he was also conflicted. She still believed Raito could heal some of those scars in L, the ones inside of him.
Raito looked back up when he heard the chain rattle. He looked at the older man and felt a need to be with the other. He turned back to his work and sighed. There were files on everyone employed by Yotsuba. Could one of them really be Kira, a mass-murderer? He glanced back to see the others work so hard. He has to agree with Kats. This work could drive anyone mad. But he felt this was his calling. He wanted to work as a detective. Where did it come from? Was it something about his memories? He watched his so called father walk over. Grabbing a hold of the man's arm, he stared up at those concern eyes. He asked in a soft voice, "What do I want to do with my life?"
Smiling down at his son, Yagami answered proudly, "You want to follow my footsteps and become a police officer."
Raito nodded his head but realized he wanted to do so much more than just be a police officer. He looked back over at L and realized he would love to do what the other did. He asked, "Ryuuzaki, do you work for the police?"
L kept his eyes on the computer, storing all the information inside his head. He heard what Raito asked and answered without looking away from the information, "It is more like they work for me."
Aizawa growled, "I doubt that."
"Does Aizawa-san think so? I only take on the cases I want and the police work for me, not the other way around." L blunted out. He didn't understand why everyone makes a big deal out it. He solved cases that no one could at such a young age too. Of course no one knew when he became a detective. He was almost twenty-five now. He worked on cases since he was nine. The moment Watari dropped that case file at the orphanage, he couldn't stop solving it.
It was cold outside. The snow was falling heavily and lying on the ground. He heard the other children laughing as they begged to be let outside to play in the snow. He didn't want to go. An adult tried to convince him to go outside with the others but he refused, keeping his ground. He wasn't about to make friends like the adults wanted him to. He didn't want anyone close to him again. He didn't want human contact. He heard footsteps walking down the hall and two adults talking. He stepped away from the window and peeked out of the door to see an elderly man smiling at the young woman who ran the orphanage. For some reason, the nine year child was drawn to the man. As they walked by, he watched papers falling out of the man's bag. He stepped out of the room and picked up the papers. He stared down at the pictures and words.
The woman who ran the orphanage ran over and took the papers back and scolded, 'L, you should not read this stuff.'
The man stepped forward and took the papers. He smiled down at the small pale child. He tilted his head as those dark eyes stared right back at him. He held his hand out and spoke, 'My name is Quillish Wammy. What is yours?'
L stared at the elderly man for a few moments before he glanced back to the papers that the other was holding. He reached forward and grabbed one of the pages and pointed at a photo as he spoke, 'This woman killed the three men.'
'L!' The woman yelled and apologized, 'I am so sorry, Mr. Wammy. He does not know what he is talking about.'
'Amazing. You solved the case within seconds when it took the police almost four months to solve it.' Wammy replied.
'They are really stupid if it took them that long. It was easy to figure it out.' L replied as he hunched over. He wasn't sure why he was speaking to this adult. Adults betray people. They are meant to protect children but they hurt them. He learned that too well.
'L!' The woman screamed as she raised her hand.
He didn't blink. He figured he would get smacked. He knew adults would do this. The slap never came and he looked up to see Wammy holding the woman's wrist. He blinked his eyes at the stranger. He didn't understand at all. Wammy looked angry. Was the elderly man anger at him?
Wammy calmed his features and spoke strongly, 'There is no need to hit the child. I would like to take him to my orphanage.'
'But he would be bad for your orphanage. He does not talk with any other children and talks back to every adult.' The woman explained.
L hated it when people would talk about him in front of him. He turned around and walked back inside the room. He stepped toward the window and stared out of it. He didn't want anyone. He didn't need anyone. He was alone and he preferred to stay alone.
Wammy walked beside the child and sighed, 'It really is cold outside. What a shame. The cold weather is horrible.'
L was ready to ignore the elderly man but something interested him. He responded, 'I like the cold. It is a wonderful time of year.'
'Then, why are you not out there?'
'Because I do not like to share.'
Everything changed in front of his eyes. He was no longer in the orphanage. He was back at his home where his abusive father was. He curled into a ball and hid in the closest. He wanted the yelling to stop. His mother was trying to leave the house. Why wouldn't she take him?
'You BITCH!' His father yelled as he broke something against the wall. 'You think you can leave me with that bastard!'
His mother sobbed loudly, 'Please stop. Please. I did not mean to.'
'I will never let you leave me. NEVER!' His father ranted.
'NO! NO! Put it down. Please.' His mother begged.
The child curled up even more as a loud bang sounded around the entire house. He peeked his head out of the closest and saw his mother lying on the ground with blood pouring around her lifeless body. The front door busted opened and police ran into the room.
His father screamed, 'That bastard made me do this!' He held the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.
The policed yelled and ran into the room, seeing the scene before their eyes. The small child walked out of the closest as he whispered, 'Dad. Mom.'
A police officer grabbed him and muttered, 'Oh my god. He saw this.'
'NO!' L screamed.
Falling out of his chair, he screamed, "NO!" The room was his old house where his mother laid dead and his father dead as well. He didn't hear anything at all. It was his fault. He was a cruse to his family. He was the bastard that his father said made him do it. He felt someone touch him and he snapped. He kicked hard.
Kats yelled as Yagami touched L, "Don't touch him!" It was too late. L attacked quickly and hit Yagami. Yagami flew against the wall and stared stunned at L.
Aizawa yelled, "Why the hell did you do that! He was trying to help you!"
Kats stepped in front of Aizawa and spoke, "He isn't seeing us right now."
Raito stared in horror at the scene. He stepped in front of L, making the chain jiggle. He whispered, "Ryuuzaki. Ryuuzaki, it's me, Raito."
Blinking his eyes, L looked up and saw Raito. The others were crowd around him too. He saw Yagami sitting on the floor, rubbing his cheek. He stood up shaking. He couldn't believe he fell asleep. He was having such a pleasant dream about how he met Watari and then his nightmare came to ruin it. He looked around and asked, "Yagami-san, are you all right?"
Yagami responded with a question, "Are you? You were screaming no and when I was trying to wake you up, you kicked me."
"I apologize, Yagami-san. I am perfectly fine." L lied. He wasn't all right. He didn't want the dreams again. He wanted that part of him pushed away and never come back.
Raito knew the other was lying. He could see it within L's dark eyes. Why was the other man lying to everyone? Didn't he want to talk about it? He leaned forward and whispered, "If you need to talk, I'm here."
L pushed Raito back away from his personal space and sneered lowly, "If I want to talk to someone, I would talk to Kats." He sat back down on his chair and felt everyone looking at him. He snapped, "Everyone back to work."
"Ryuuzaki." Kats sighed.
"Leave it alone, Kats." L growled. He didn't want others to know about his past. If his past was revealed, Kira could find out his name. He refused to let that happen.
Raito felt his heart ache when L told him that he would never talk to him. He sat down and began to go over the employees of Yotsuba again. He noticed everyone dropping the topic and doing the same. He wondered if anyone cared. When he felt someone touch his shoulder, he glanced upwards to find Kats staring down at him. He didn't want her by him at all. He didn't like her. She meant more to L then he did.
She leaned forward and whispered, "Give him some time. I'm sure he will open to you."
"Kats leave Raito-kun alone. He has work to do as well. We cannot lose anymore time." L spoke firmly. He watched Kats give him an evil look as she walked by him.
"That is it!" Yagami yelled. Everyone turned to look at him and he spoke, "I'm tired of hearing you treat your wife like that."
