Disclaimer: All characters though revised are property of Stephanie Meyer, author of The Twilight Saga

This chapter is unbeta and therefore all mistakes are rightfully mine

A/N: So sorry for the long wait. I have been killer busy with school and real life but know I have touched this story every single day in some way or another. I refuse to let these two go. I hope you enjoy this chapter. More notes at the bottom . . .


Talk Ain't Cheap

Chapter 7

It seemed so foreign; unreal. It was the same size, color, and in the same spot but it was different now. It has always served the purpose of keeping those on the inside safe and those on the outside . . . well out. But now I was on the outside and that was out of order.

I ran my hand over the hard, sanded wood. I had stood there looking at the contraption between me and finally getting Edward back for what seemed like an eternity. The brown wood was so imposing, so threatening to everything I wanted: stability, love, affection . . .

Edward.

All of it was behind the simple design of the dark wood, three gold hinges, nine screws, a matching gold deadbolt and lock set, and a threshold. Such a simple piece, but at that moment I could have sworn it was an indestructible, impenetrable, fortified barrier that was granting no one access.

Especially me.

I raised my fist to make contact with the door. My hand froze in the air fighting against the idea that I may not be wanted on the other side. What if Edward was over me? What if he was with the curly head menace that seemed to haunt me all day? I turned around and survived the streets as if I would know his car if I saw it, but I didn't. I didn't know him or his car any more than I knew what Edward would say to me if he found me stalking his door.

My brain ran in circles: stay or go, try or give up. I was going crazy. I sat down on the steps of the house, hiding myself in my hands. I couldn't bring myself to leave but begging Edward for forgiveness didn't seem like it would work in my favor, and at the same time it seemed unnecessary.

Yes, I worked at Durty Talk . . . . it was how we met. Yes, some psycho stalker caller wanted me to be his boy toy . . . well I am fucking hot. What do you expect? For all the love I had for Edward it seemed like I was getting a short end of the stick. I was sitting on the porch that belonged to the man I love, trying to figure out why he couldn't believe I loved him and wanted him!

My mind couldn't rationalize how Edward could let all of our good times go. Things weren't always so hard between us. In fact it was mostly good. Above all else, I loved him. But did he understand that, did he believe me?

There was only one way to find out, once and for all.

I stood from the spot on his steps and took the stance before the imposing door. Raising my fist to make contact for the second time, I could feel my heart beating against my rib. I couldn't catch my breath, the air around me seeming too heavy or thick.

My hand landed on the door. The three rasps of the wood echoing on the silent porch. I looked around my surroundings, checking to see if my noise had disturbed any unintentional person. I took in extra breaths trying to calm my shaking nerves. I could feel my pulse around my body, and the sweat collecting on my hands. I rubbed my hands up and down my legs, trying to calm.

There was no answer.

I knocked again, twice as many times as before, twice as loud. I looked down at my watch seeing the ungodly hour, but feeling certain that should mean Edward was home. I turned and looked at the sidewalk and street. The neighborhood was sleep. No cars, no people; only me disturbing the peace of the night.

I glanced at my watch again knowing the time hadn't changed but my hope in reconciling with Edward had.

I laid my hand and head against the keeper of my treasure, praying for admittance. Slapping my hand against the wood door, not enough to wake what I hope was only a sleeping Edward. I didn't trust myself to try again. I walked backwards from the door, too afraid to take my eyes away. I sat in the car feeling defeated and angry. There seem to be no end to the pain I was feeling. I drove and drove; my sight blurry from the tears that didn't seem to want to fall. The salty water burned my eyes as I wiped them away with the back of my hand. The truth was that I was hurt and though it pained me to think Edward may not believe me I really did love him, miss him and need him.

Suddenly it didn't matter who was wrong or who was right. It didn't matter under what circumstances that we were over . . . the fact that we were no longer was all that was weighing on me.

As I moved the vehicle around in what I though was random stops and turns, it had inevitably led me to the place that was undoubtedly Edward and mine's.

The gazebo.

I sat in cab of my truck looking at the white arches and steps, cursing my subconscious for bringing me to this place of pain and comfort. My heart bled more to see the wooden structure. The place that held so many happy memories, including the night Edward and I officially came to an end, looked different. The arches weren't as high and the paint not as white. It seemed devoid of all things good and let it still called to me.

I stepped out of the truck, no intentions of approaching the broken piece of my memory yet needing to be closer. I leaned against my truck, stirring not at the structure but the memories that were there. My heart swelled . . . my eyes burned of more tears . . . my body grew uneasy . . . remembering and wishing I was back there with that Edward and those promises. I couldn't bear being away any longer. I longed to be in those memories, in that past. I could no longer fight against the urge to sit amongst the happy times I saw before me, and approached the cherished spot of me and my lover's past.

I didn't see the figure there until I stood at the very steps where he walked away from us.

My breath hitched at the sight of him. Of all places this was the last place I suspected him to be. Something about our last encounter, our last conversation, I couldn't think that the place meant anything good to him . . .

So why would he be here?

His head turned towards where I stood, likely only wondering what figure was blocking the street light that lightly illuminated the space he sat. I was frozen in place, not knowing if it best for me to leave or to stay. He didn't have to speak to know that he had not come to this place in hopes of finding me here. He came to be alone, possibly to be back in the same place that I to was longing for . . . or so I hoped.

He dropped he head at the sight of me, scooting closer to the further wall on the bench in which he sat. The still quiet night allowed me to hear the breath he took when he saw my face; the shock of me being there. I was still frozen; feeling I needed to leave and stay. The conundrum battling in me, leaving my limbs unmovable for the time.

"Jasper . . . I . . . um . . . I was waiting on your call." Edward whispered.

The sound of his voice moved through me. I could feel that long lost sensation I always felt when too much time was away from him. It both made me uneasy and also quivering.

"I . . . I thought you might . . . be busy . . . or with someone." I waited to look into eyes that were uncannily visible in the barely lit gazebo.

"Who would I be with?" Edward asked. I could hear the angry tone in his voice. For the first time, he moved into what was left of the dim light.

I could see the red of his eyes, the reminiscent streaks of tears on his fair skin. His cracking voice obviously heavy with the tears he had already shed.

"I don't know," I lied.

Edward stared through me, through my falsehood; as he always could. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet waiting on him to reveal what he had picked from my mind. His eyes were so intense bearing into me, pass me.

Jasper," he called to me. I knew that tone; the sound of his voice when he was pleading for me to just tell him what was on my mind.

It worked; just like it always worked.

"Fine! I thought you were with HIM!" I shouted into the still, quiet night.

"Who the hell is him?" Edward stood turning to face me head on.

"Him . . . you know him . . . the him that is all muscle . . . the him that came into my job bragging about how you couldn't resist him . . . the him that interrupted our call . . ." The anger or having to speak of him forced my legs and feet to move. I was pacing the floor of the gazebo growing more upset thinking of the man who had managed to win Edward over.

"The who? Wait! Are you talking about Emmett?"

I looked at Edward, no longer hiding my fear, anger, or pain at the thought of losing him to some other man. Now I knew his name . . . the name Edward would be saying in passion. The name of the better man. I sat down, no longer able to hold my own weight.

"What . . . Who said I wanted to be with Emmett? How the hell did you come up with that? And what do you mean bragging?"

Edward's voice rose with each question. This was the last conversation I wanted to have . . . or was it? This was the reason I stormed out of my apartment. This is why I was knocking on the very door that frightened me. This was what I wanted and it was now or never. I had to get it over with. When I walked away from this gazebo . . . this place . . . I was either leaving with Edward, with a future, with a second chance . . . or I was leaving alone.

I stood and approached Edward, driven by an unknown source of adredline.

"He, Emmett, you say? He stood in my coffee shop telling his friend how you couldn't resist him. I sat there listening to another man talk about the man I love . . . talk about the man I wanted to be with; AND I COULDN'T SAY A DAMN THANG ABOUT IT!"

I rubbed my hands through my hair pacing the old stained wooden floor.

"I love you more than I understand anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to convince you of that and what the fuck do I get? Huh?" I approached Edward again. My anger was over flowing. I could taste it on my tongue, making everything I needed to say bitter.

"I get you toying with me. I get you caring enough about me to wake me so I am not late for work. Or showing up at my door in the middle of the night and climbing into my bed, but not telling me how you feel even after I pour everything I am out to you. I get you playing my phone game only to turn me away when something with curly hair and muscles approach you."

I could hear my voice rising.

"You are constantly saying something about I should have said how I felt sooner . . . and I should have. . . I know that now but what about you?"

"What," Edward started but I wouldn't let him finish.

"Who the hell am I to you? What do you feel? Have you lost any sleep over me? Did you ever love me?" The tears burned again and my voice cracked.

"Yes, I love you!"

"Then why didn't you say something!?" Both of our voices were rising higher. I could feel my blood pressure climb, making my head swim. "Why Edward? Why should I believe you now? Why didn't you say something?" I badgered and screamed in Edward's face.

"BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID! OKAY! I WAS AFRAID TO SAY SOMETHING 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO RUN YOU AWAY . . . And . . . and then," Edward's voice began to grown quieter.

I couldn't believe my ears. Edward's words took every drop of fear and frustration away. I was too afraid to speak, knowing he needed to say more and I needed to hear it.

"And then you said it, here, that night, and I thought you were lying to me. But you said it again and again," Edward said looking into my eyes. "When we finally talked at your place that night I think it was the first time I actually believed you, but . . . when I needed to say the words to you I realized I was still afraid." Edward turned his back on me; walking to his previous seat.

Edward covered his face with his hands and I could hear his breathing raggedly being drawn in and out of his mouth. My heart broke even more inside, seeing him in pain. The very pain I questioned if he could even feel.

"What Edward?" I kneeled before him. "What were you so afraid of?"

I pried his hands away from his face. Even in sadness and tears he was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I dried his tears from his blushed cheeks and swollen eyes. What he was afraid of didn't matter to me; only removing every ounce of pain from him did.

Edward fell from his seat and into my arms, knocking me completely to the floor. I cradled him there, hugging him securely in place. I felt wrong. In my arms a man was crying but all I could think was how warm he was . . . how I never wanted him to move, and how I missed being strong for him.

Time moved around us but we never did. Edward tears stopped; as did mine as we lay across the floor of our gazebo. I held onto Edward with every fiber of my being, holding my breath . . . afraid at any moment we would have to move and the moment would be over. I didn't know what we would be when we stood up. I just wanted to bask in the feel of him in my arms for a moment longer.

"I miss the weight of your arm over my waist; the feel of the pad of your thumb brushing circles on my stomach just to the side of my navel" Edward said, breaking the silence. "It made me feel possessed by someone and wanted; like you were marking me. When I lay in bed a night without you, I can still feel the faint pressure of your thumb there. I am no longer filled with the butterflies I once felt but a pain, heavy and gut wrenching, that reminds me how I made the biggest mistake of my life."

The sound of his voice was still dejected. It spoke still to an uncertainty that was to us; a feeling I did not like. I didn't plan to find myself in this place when I left my apartment seeking Edward, no more than I planned to have him in my arms at the end of the night. But I was there and he was here with me.

"How could I walk away from us? How could I leave you here in our place, all alone?"

Edward's tear soaked eyes took in the site of the dark gazebo. I wondered if it looked the same to him as it did to me. Despite how we last stood in this spot, now more than ever, it still reminded me of the times shared, conversations had, and the moments of passion that started here and ended in one of our beds. This place was still sacred to me, it was why I sought it out this night, looking for something that reminded me of love when I couldn't have him.

"But of all the things I miss, I think I miss getting to hold you above all else. Wrapping my arms around you, making sure no one, and nothing came between us. Maybe I didn't hold you tight enough," Edward continued.

"No, Edward, you did!" I motioned for Edward to face me. He turned as requested and I shifted him back into my arms. "Babe, you held me so tight that I haven't been able to breathe since you let me go. I need you, Edward. I love you more now than I ever have. Baby, I am so . . ."

"No, Jasper, don't say it. This is my fault." Edward jumped up from our place on the floor, out of my arms. My body didn't know how to react. "I should have trusted you; known you would have never done anything with him. You would never betray me; do something to intentionally hurt me. I shouldn't have pressured you into saying that you love me."

"No, you shouldn't have," I said as I stood to my feet. Edward turned to look at me again. "Edward, you should have kicked my ass for not seeing it sooner."

Edward laughed, taking his previous seat. I followed behind him, pulling him closer. My heart swelled at Edward clinching his hand tightly around mine. He brushed his thumb over mine, sighing. I laid my cheek on the top of his head. His hair was still soft and felt like heaven on my face.

"Wait, you smell different," I said not realizing how it sounded. "I mean I am not accusing you of anything. I was just saying you normally smell like strawberries, but now you kind of smell like" . . .

"You," Edward completed.

"Yeah . . . you smell like me."

Edward looked up, his eyes a darker green and his cheeks flushed with their usual red. I brushed my hands across his warm face; the color under the skin lighting, only to return when I removed my hand.

"I missed you so much. I found a bottle of your body wash in the bathroom." Edward looked up into my eyes, "The things you do when you . . . love someone."

I understood that more than anything, but I didn't have the words to share.

~oOo~

It didn't look as threatening as I stood before it now, being ushered in by Edward. What was once impenetrable, what was once keeping me out, was now open to me and inviting me in.

I followed closely behind Edward as he walked into the house. I felt like I was home; returning to the thing I needed most. Though the rooms were dark I took every step with a surety as if I had never missed a day there. I pulled Edward through the dark house, anxious to have him back in my arms.

This time for good . . .


Please review

More A/N:

I am stuck on which story I should be submitting next but know the writing has not stopped. There are two choices for my new story (both of which are being written right now). I also still have "Play Time Means Pay Time" so go over and check that one out. I will also be submitting a long neglected Christmas one shot (yes I know it is out of season . . . oh well). Last but definitly not least I will continue to add to "What He Needs"- The next chapter is being written.

Don't foreget to check out You Write What!? over on The Twitter as Blogfanfiction and follow over to the site. You can find me on The Twitter as Chewie4370

You can also catch me on my own Wordpress Blog as Chewie4370 "Out Of My Mind: Twilight Fanfiction," where I not only post my Twilight Fanfiction but I will also be posting my origiaonl work and poetry and you get an insight into Why I Write, How I write, Why I Love it and all that wonderful jazz!

Thanks again and I will do my best to post soon. . .