Gallery of Broken Hearts
(07: the cheerless cheerleader)
A small grunt sounded from the back of Syaoran's throat as he slung his duffel bag over his shoulder. He walked away from his locker and in the direction of the soccer fields. In the past week, he had completely thrown himself into soccer practice and his studies— Yes, he had actually started studying just for the sake of getting his mind off of things. His exhaustion from physically and mentally straining himself was beginning to show in his weary eyes, which were normally bright with spirited mischief.
Four more months, he repeatedly assured himself in his mind. Four more months, and you're out of this hell hole.
It had been exactly seven days since his awkward (or not-so-awkward, he couldn't really tell) embrace with Sakura, and even though he had wooed and kissed and felt up at least four girls within those seven days, his mind kept reeling back to his klutzy rival. He couldn't forget the way she stiffened in his arms before suddenly melting against him. He couldn't forget the way she shook like the temperature was below zero instead of seventy-five degrees. He couldn't forget absorbing the small lurches of sobs her body endured as he held her steady.
Why the hell couldn't he forget?
Well, it was simple, wasn't it? He had never truly comforted anyone before— at least, as far as he could remember— and since it was his first time consoling someone, it was obviously going to remain a significant memory. What made it bothersome to him, however, was the fact that it had been Sakura. He didn't have to hold her like that. He didn't have to do anything at all. But he did, and he couldn't take it back, and now it was haunting him.
She's just a girl, Syaoran.
Syaoran readjusted the straps of his bag, sighing as his thoughts continued to meander. His bickering with Sakura had definitely lessened since that moment in the hallway. Since then, they had hardly spoken to each other unless it had to do with History or their skit for Drama. It was almost as if they had run out of witty banter, and Syaoran hated to admit that he kind of missed it.
She's just a girl, Syaoran. She's just—
"Do you like her?"
Syaoran froze. His grip on his bag tightened subconsciously as he realized there were voices echoing in the hall around the corner. Relief shot through his body, thankful that the question hadn't been directed at him, but rather…
"Eriol, please answer me."
"We're not going to talk about this, Aiko."
Syaoran raised his eyebrows, wondering if he should walk in the other direction or stay and listen to their little chat. He opted for the latter, deciding it was an opportunity to pick up any resourceful information about Sakura's wannabe prince. He could hear every ounce of emotion in the former couple's voices— Aiko seemed to be on the verge of crying, and Eriol seemed to be on the verge of losing his patience.
"All I wanted to do was love you, Eriol!"
"But all you ever did was suffocate me."
"W-what?"
"I'm sorry, but it was too much of a hassle being your boyfriend…"
"A hassle…?"
"You were always getting on my case. You were always trying to have me all to yourself."
"Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place? Why couldn't we have worked it out? You didn't seem to want to end our relationship until you caught me with Syaoran—"
At this point, Syaoran was holding his breath.
"—which I'm still so, so sorry for, Eriol! You don't know how guilty I feel because of that, but Syaoran was—"
"Syaoran was doing it for me."
Holy shit. Syaoran's mind went numb, and he found himself pressing his back against the wall in dread, internally cursing the world over and over again. What the hell, Eriol?
"W-what do you m-mean?"
"I paid him to help me break up with you. It was… easier that way."
"Easier that way?"
"I'm sorry, Aiko. I didn't need one more thing stressing me out."
"You're not sorry at all! Tell me, Eriol: What do you see in Sakura? She's a beautiful and smart girl, but she doesn't love you like I do…"
"Sakura is the kind of girl that…" There was a pause here, and Syaoran wished he could sneak a peek at whatever look was occupying Eriol's face at the moment, but he didn't want to risk it. "She's the kind of girl that doesn't stress me out. And she's been really obvious with her feelings all year. I wanted to give her a chance. She's too afraid to mess up with me to be clingy… and this may sound horrible of me, but I like that. It might just be exactly what I need."
Annoyance began to pulse through Syaoran's bloodstream, and he decided he had heard enough. He stopped straining to hear the conversation and resumed his way to the soccer field, where he would kick ass and take names and forget all about anything that could possibly piss him off. He wasn't even worried about his business. He knew that Aiko wouldn't report him to the principal. First of all, she had no idea that she held a golden snippet of information, and wasn't nearly as smart enough to use it to her advantage. Second, she didn't have any proof, and Syaoran knew that she didn't want revenge on him.
All Aiko Takahashi wanted was Eriol Hiiragizawa.
Sakura reached up and tied her wavy hair into a ponytail, surveying the girls that were stretching on the grass around her. She sported the same outfit as the rest of the cheerleading team: A light blue tank top with a bright yellow 'T' dashing across the middle, dark blue spandex shorts that ended at the upper thigh, and white tennis shoes.
She squinted her eyes, counted the girls, and made several marks on a clipboard.
"Has anyone seen Aiko?" Sakura questioned, and the girls continued to chatter amongst themselves as if they hadn't heard her. Sakura cleared her throat and her voice rose a decibel. "Has anyone seen Aiko?"
The chitchat momentarily subsided as the girls murmured "Nope," and "No," shaking their heads cluelessly. Their talking highered in volume once more as Sakura took a moment to drift away into her thoughts. It was unusual for Aiko to be late or absent to cheerleading practice— she was normally the first one there, and she was always the peppiest of the bunch. Sakura wondered if something had happened with Eriol, but she tossed the idea from her mind. Whatever the reason was, it wasn't going to change the fact that Aiko was a no-show for practice.
"Alright, girls!" Sakura called out, setting down her clipboard and clapping her hands to catch their attention. "Before we start practice, we're going to take a few photos for the yearbook. Someone from the yearbook committee will be stopping by in a few minutes, so until then, we can practice our pyramid formation for the picture."
"But what about Aiko?" one of the cheerleaders piped, resting her fists against her hips. "It's going to be, like… lopsided without her."
"We'll make it work, okay?" Sakura replied, mirroring the girl's pose and grinning to hide her growing vexation. The girls heeded Sakura's orders, gathering into their proper positions for the pyramid.
The first row of the pyramid consisted of the five strongest girls on the team. On the second row, there were three girls; above them, two. Sakura bit her lip in determination as she cautiously made her way to the top of the pyramid, taking care not to step on anyone with too much pressure.
"You're lucky you're almost as light as Teeny Takahashi," one of the girls grunted under Sakura's weight, giggling at her use of Aiko's popular nickname. The other girls rolled their eyes as they chuckled as well. Sakura ignored their attempts at being witty— she liked these girls, but sometimes they tried too hard to be cute and funny.
She placed either knee on the backs of the two girls below her, steadying herself and breathing slowly. She smiled as the pyramid neither swayed nor fell apart, maintaining perfect balance. A student from the yearbook committee finally approached them, adjusting the lens of his camera and beaming at the pyramid of girls.
"Wow," Yearbook Committee Boy breathed, his eyes practically reflecting spinning stars of awe as he gazed at the stack of toned girls presented before him.
"Hey, dude!" Sakura waved at him from the top of the pyramid, snapping him out of his fantasyland. "Just take the picture, okay? Then you can stare at it all you want."
"Uh, y-yes, sure," Yearbook Committee Boy replied, flushing scarlet in embarrassment as the pyramid erupted with high-pitched laughter and whispers. He brought the camera to his face and resumed adjusting the settings, taking several test shots. The cheerleaders beneath Sakura continued to prattle endlessly, and Sakura overhead several of their cheeky whispers.
"… You know who I would love to pose in front of a camera for?"
"In nothing but your pom-poms?"
"Okay, girls, on the count of three—"
"Oh, you dirty little minx—"
"One…"
"Who?"
"Isn't the answer obvious? He's only the hottest guy in school."
"Two…"
"Syaoran Li?"
Sakura's eyes widened. She felt her heart rise to her throat and plummet all the way down to her feet.
"… Three!"
Click.
A scream remained strangled in Sakura's throat as her body swayed unsteadily, causing her to tumble off the pyramid. The other cheerleaders shrieked in shock, wavering from their positions and crumbling to the ground. Sakura winced and slowly hauled herself up, rubbing the shoulder she had landed on. There would be an ugly bruise spreading across her skin later on, but at least she hadn't broken anything.
"Is everyone okay?" Sakura asked worriedly, reaching out and helping several of the girls to their feet. Everyone nodded as they dusted off, swiping the grass away from their hair and attire. Sakura sighed, glancing at the photographer apologetically. "We're going to have to try that pose again."
There was a hint of perverted delight hidden behind Yearbook Committee Boy's eyes. He nodded and lifted the camera once more.
Finally, a moment of peace.
In spite of the air being stuffy and a little too warm in the girls' locker room, it temporarily served as a haven for Sakura after a long afternoon of performing her duties as cheer captain. The rest of the cheerleaders had already left, letting Sakura relish a few quiet moments.
She exhaled in exhaustion as she draped her towel around her neck. It had been a tough practice— attendance hadn't been perfect and some girls had decided to be particularly bitchy today— but at least they were able to get a lot done. Her spirits sank as she thought of the pile of homework waiting for her at home. It was scary to think about how her spot for valedictorian could be instantaneously whisked away by a certain overconfident casanova.
As Sakura rose from one of the metal benches with the intention of locking up, she heard a pattering sound in the distance. She immediately froze until curiosity overrode her initial fear. With cautious and ginger steps, Sakura followed the noise all the way into the shower room, where the sound of rushing water became more evident.
While most of the stalls were vacant, one stall remained occupied with the door shut and the shower on full blast. Sakura's confusion grew by the second as she stood before the stall. Her gaze traveled from the visible shower head on the wall, down to the water swirling into the drain on the ground. She tweaked her head to the side, peering at a pair of freckled feet curled over the tile. The door blocked her from being able to see anything else.
But she could hear, and amidst the noise of surging water echoing throughout the locker room— she heard weeping.
"Hello?" Sakura asked softly, and nothing changed. The shower didn't stop and neither did the crying. She pursed her lips before trying again, reaching a hand toward the closed door. "Are you—"
As her hand made contact with the door, it slowly swung forward, revealing a small girl crouched over the drain, fully-clothed, hugging her knees drawn to her chest. She concealed her face in her arms, sobbing as the water pelted down on her. Her long hair slithered over her shoulders and back, limp and dripping.
"Aiko…" Sakura dropped to her knees before the girl, feeling an onslaught of water suddenly pouring upon her. She rested a hand against the crying girl's arm. Aiko's head lifted, and Sakura found herself fighting back her own tears as she looked into baby blue eyes filled with heartache. She couldn't distinguish the girl's tears from the shower water.
For a long time, Aiko said nothing. The girls sat on the tiled floor, cold and drenched and silent for ten minutes until Aiko parted her lips and began to speak. Her words were quiet, so Sakura had to strain in order to hear them.
"He made me really happy," she started shakily, biting her lower lip before continuing. Her body jerked slightly with a sob. "B-but I… I was so draining to him… I was a burden."
Sakura's brows met in concern, and her hold on the other girl's arm tightened comfortingly.
"Then, Syaoran…" Aiko's voice croaked for a moment. "For a little bit, for just a few minutes, he made me feel the total opposite— like he wanted me—" Her face was pinched with distress and her breaths were ragged. "How could I be so stupid? I didn't even know I was about to— to kiss him—"
Sakura shook her head and leaned forward, pulling Aiko into her arms, hushing her soothingly. "Shh… Aiko, you're not stupid," she told her firmly. She reached up with one hand and quickly twisted a knob, blocking the rush of water, and in an instant the shower room no longer echoed with noise, save for Aiko's sobs and the occasional dripping sound.
"Syaoran's an ass," Sakura whispered, though guilt infested her insides as she thought about the deal she had made with him. All she wanted was a chance with Eriol, but at what cost? She had unintentionally hurt another girl in the process… a girl who probably wanted Eriol more than she did. Now, as she held a shivering, broken heart in her arms, she could see that it wasn't worth it.
It wasn't worth it at all.
Sakura hugged her books to her chest, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes in thought as she made her way to the parking lot. Her hair and clothes were still damp, but she didn't care. All she cared about was getting home as soon as possible so that she could take a proper, warm shower and work on homework and drink hot tea and forget about everything else.
But of course, something— or rather, someone— had to stand in the way of what she wanted.
"Why are you all wet?" came an amused voice, and Sakura felt her skin prickle with aggravation.
"It's none of your business, Syaoran," muttered Sakura, refusing to make eye contact with him as she trudged her way across the parking lot. She huffed, repositioning the books in her arms to make them easier to carry.
Syaoran took note of her grumpiness and vexed eyes. He continued to follow her. "Do you need help with those?"
"No," Sakura replied shortly, freeing a hand to fumble with the keys attached to her carabiner. She unlocked her car and tossed her books into the backseat, sighing. Then she turned to face Syaoran and irritably said, "You know, you should stop following me around."
There was a split second in which Syaoran flashed her a perplexed look, but it was soon replaced with an expression of exasperation. "I don't follow you around, Sakura. You just happen to be everywhere I am."
"That's a bunch of crap and you know it," Sakura retorted, her frustration steadily increasing. "We shouldn't be friendly with each other, Syaoran! We're rivals! That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it should stay! We're not meant to be friends, we're too different and— and you're too much of an asshole."
Sakura hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but her words were spilling out of her mouth like sand sifting through clasped fingers. She couldn't stop thinking about the tortured look in Aiko's eyes— the masked tears, the frigid shower water in which Aiko had tried numbing and drowning her pain. It didn't matter what people said about high school relationships and how they were pointless and naive— a broken heart was still one of the worst pains a human could ever endure.
"What?" Syaoran was clearly offended by Sakura's slip of words. He narrowed his eyes at her. "Sakura, forgive me for trying to be civil to you once in a while. Why do you always try to see me as some completely heartless jerk? Yeah, I'm not a saint. But I'm not a total asshole, either. If I were really an asshole, I wouldn't have tried comforting you in the hall last week. And last month, I wouldn't have tried making your oh-so-depressing Valentine's Day bearable for you if I didn't care about you at least a little bit." Syaoran's voice rose and he angrily pushed away the brown bangs that had begun to fall over his piercing eyes. "I go around breaking hearts. Yeah. It's wrong. But at least I don't act like I'm innocent when I'm not. I can own up to my faults, unlike you."
Although Sakura matched Syaoran's glare with slitted eyes of her own, she understood that Syaoran wasn't a complete jerk. In their strained relationship, he had been there for her more than she had been there for him. But at the moment, she hardly cared. She didn't want to admit that she was wrong about some aspects of him. She didn't want to be wrong. She never wanted to be wrong.
"I'm not afraid of being who I am," Syaoran continued heatedly. "But you are. You hold back so much of your personality while you're with Eriol, you're like a fucking piece of cardboard, and it's pathetic! What makes it even more pathetic is that he likes it."
Sakura felt her breath catch in her throat at Syaoran's words. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I overheard him talking to Aiko." Syaoran snapped his angered eyes away from Sakura, shaking his head as he recalled the conversation between the exes. "He hated how Aiko always clung to him. Oh, but he loves the fact that you have him on a goddamn pedestal. Like he's a fucking prince. He enjoys girls that are more soft-spoken and hardly voice their opinions, apparently." Syaoran connected gazes with Sakura once more. She was tearing up. Again. "But the thing is, Sakura, you're not soft-spoken! I'm learning more and more about you and… it's driving me nuts! The real you is loud and a pain in the ass, but you're bright and genuine when you're like that. When you're with Eriol, you're dull!"
"You're lying," Sakura spat, and Syaoran was taken aback at her disbelief in his words and refusal to accept the truth. "If Eriol likes me, then he likes me for me, not who I pretend to be." Her lower lip trembled as her glare intensified. "You just want to ruin me by making me believe Eriol's less of a man than I think he is, don't you? With your rival heartbroken and unable to concentrate, it'd be easier to beat me for the spot of valedictorian, wouldn't it?"
"This has nothing to do with becoming valedictorian, Sakura! I'm trying to warn you about Eriol," Syaoran growled. "You just can't accept that I can be an okay guy. You've spent so long thinking that I like going around hurting people, but I don't, Sakura. I don't! You want so badly for me to be a jerk so that people can prefer you over me, and guess what?" Syaoran let out a sharp breath. "They do. They do prefer you, because you have this goddamn facade of innocence and sweetness, when you really are just a spoiled, little girl who can't stand not getting atten—"
The side of Syaoran's face suddenly swelled and burned with an abrupt pain. He stared at Sakura with wide eyes as she drew her hand back to pull open her car door, dropped herself into the driver's seat and quickly drove away.
Sakura rolled down every window in her car and blasted the radio. Her hair was whipping in the wind and her cheeks were turning red and her entire face was contorted with anger— anger toward Syaoran, anger toward Eriol, anger toward the rest of the world and most of all, anger toward her herself. She had never been yelled at like that in her entire life, and she certainly hadn't slapped anyone before. Her head throbbed as the blaring music rammed itself into her ears, its heavy beat pulsing through her body.
Syaoran was under the impression that he understood every single one of her thoughts, but he didn't. Not at all. He didn't see Aiko's breakdown. He didn't know what he had done. How many girls fell apart like Aiko upon experiencing Syaoran's manipulation? How many tears had they shed? How many sleepless nights had they endured? Sakura felt sick simply thinking of the idea. She was feeling so many emotions at once, when all she wanted to do was go home and be warm.
But life had a way of throwing her curve balls, and she was about to face yet another one.
As Sakura pulled into her driveway, she felt her heart sink when she noticed a certain prince-like individual standing on her front porch. No, she thought, feeling her throat close up. This can't be happening.
Sakura slowly stepped out of her car and made her way to the front door. She bit her lower lip as her eyes connected with Eriol's. He was smiling. He held a rose in his hand. It was unbelievable.
"Eriol," Sakura finally said, looking at him with wide eyes and raised brows. "What are you doing here?"
The young man looked at her with gentle eyes— eyes that made her tremble. A part of her wanted to fall into his arms and cry, but the other part of her was screaming to get the hell out of there and drive away. She didn't do either one.
"I was wondering if you wanted to catch dinner and a movie," Eriol told her charmingly, lifting the rose and offering it to her in one, swift motion. Sakura gulped. "I know it's short notice, but I was hoping you'd like to spend your Friday evening with me."
Sakura stared at him in disbelief. He was saying and doing everything she had been dreaming of for nearly a year now, but as she thought of Eriol's deal with Syaoran and Aiko's pain and her insecure moments at the exhibit… a realization dawned upon her.
Her words turned into sand again, falling through her hands before she could think twice. "Why would you pay Syaoran instead of breaking up with Aiko the mature way?"
The unexpected question made Eriol blink in shock, and he lowered the rose as he delivered Sakura a look of confusion. "I don't think that's any of your business, Sakura."
Suddenly, Sakura let out a bitter laugh, scaring herself. She was being very impulsive but she couldn't stop. "You can't tell someone to stay out of your business when you pay others to step into your personal matters! Aiko would have understood if you broke up with her the right way. She'd still be hurt, but she wouldn't be a wreck like she is now!"
Eriol stepped back from the raging girl, his eyes suddenly filling with concern. "She's… a wreck?"
"Of course, damn it! She really cares about you, Eriol. She really likes you. And who could blame her? You're polite and sweet and intelligent and so, so handsome." Sakura couldn't believe the words flying out of her mouth. All year, she hadn't been able to carry a proper conversation with Eriol, and now she was shouting at him, lecturing him. "But even with all that, you still couldn't be enough of a man to tell Aiko that she was practically strangling you. You had to get someone else to do all the work for you." She gulped again, and felt something within her rip a little as she quietly said, "Aiko loved you with all of her heart. She may have annoyed you, but at least she didn't hold back. But I… I don't think I'll ever stop holding back when it comes to you. We wouldn't work. I should be with a guy who likes me for who I am… not for who I hide while I'm with him."
Sakura meekly peered into Eriol's eyes. He looked hurt, startled, and a plethora of other emotions that Sakura had never witnessed him display before. Syaoran's words returned to her mind. Now she knew how true they were.
"But… Sakura…" Eriol's voice was soft, and his gaze bore right into hers. "I think… I think I like you."
And there they were, the words Sakura had dreamed of for months on end. But she didn't feel the way she expected to feel. She didn't feel her heart nearly explode with joy. She didn't leap into Eriol's arms and say the words back. She only felt a rush of guilt weighing her down.
It wasn't real.
"You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass I can be," Sakura whispered, dropping her gaze to the ground. "And the truth is… you hardly know me. I know you wouldn't like the real me. The childish me. The one who doesn't hold back. If Aiko was too dramatic for you, then you wouldn't be able to handle me at all." She expelled a shaky sigh, feeling her body grow cold. "I'm sorry, Eriol. But you should leave."
At this point, Eriol's expression was unreadable. His stormy eyes were partially shielded by a glare of light reflecting against his glasses. After the heat from Sakura's rant dispersed from the air, he nodded once to excuse himself, and left.
A/N: So that was my final update before the end of the year, as promised! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas! Have a safe and wonderful New Years. See you in 2011. :)
