This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening.
I repeated the words over and over again in my head while I gently ran my fingers through Elsa's long, platinum blonde, wet, bubbling hair.
She sat in the bathtub, covered with bubbles.
Last night, she tripped and fell down the back steps, hurting her back. So to help make her feel better, she's been spoiled like crazy, and one of those things; is me helping her wash up, since she can't on her own…
For quite a long time, and I'm sure why, but I have… a per say, "Dirty Mind". I tend to make rude jokes, and think rude things… Things like; imagining Elsa completely naked… I always try not to, as it is wrong, but it's hard not to.
Especially now… She's already naked, and I know she is. I just can't see past the bubbles…
My parents are aware of this "Dirty Mind" thing, but don't believe I'm dangerous. So, no prescriptions from doctors or anything. Not that I'd need it…
Elsa sat up a bit more and sighed, bringing her legs to her chest and putting her head down.
I knew how much pain she was in; I just didn't know what to do about it…
I nervously bit my lip then got the water and rinsed her hair, freeing it from the bubble apocalypse.
"Ready to get out?" I asked.
She nodded her head a bit.
I let the water drain out of the tub, and Elsa curled up, keeping her head down.
It worried me a bit when I could see every single detail on her back… She's so little…
I grabbed a towel and kneeled next to the tub, resting it on the floor.
But before helping her out, I put her hair over her shoulders, and gently put my hands on her shoulder blades, pressing slightly.
I saw her eyes slip closed, so I continued with gentle, but deep massages.
There was a deep, red line across her lower back from where she hit the stairs. It was most likely just a bruise, and a painful one at that.
I gently moved my hands down her back, keeping the pressure.
She relaxed a bit, and changed her head position, looking at me. "Thank you…" she whispered. Pain and relief was clear in her voice, I just couldn't tell which was stronger.
"I promise I'll only be 30 minutes, okay?" I asked gently.
Elsa slightly nodded her head.
This was the first time I would leave her home alone… My parents are at work, and I have to get something from school. And Elsa's sick, so I can't take her with. Not to mention, her back is still insanely hurt, and she can barely walk.
"I have to pick my dad up from work then I'll come home, alright? No more than 30 minutes," I said, nervous of leaving her alone.
"Okay," she whispered.
I double checked to make sure everything was locked.
Elsa sat on the couch and crossed her arms over her stomach. She leaned her head back, and closed her eyes with pain in her expression.
"I'll be back soon…" I whispered, almost regretting leaving the house.
I stopped the car and my dad got in. "Thanks pumpkin. Walking would've sucked in this heat…"
"Eh, no problem," I responded, driving off.
I remember speeding a bit, and accidentally running a few red and yellow lights.
And dad was not impressed…
"And why are we driving like a drunk?" he asked.
"I left Elsa home alone," I answered, nearly skidding around the corner.
That's when I slowed it down a bit…
"What?! Why?" He asked, shocked.
"She's sick and she's hurt. I couldn't take her out…" I answered, pulling into the driveway. "But Jack said she has panic attacks, and meltdowns because of the brain damage, so I don't want to leave her for too long."
I exited the vehicle and ran up the path.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the curtains had been pulled off and were on the floor.
"Shit…" I unlocked the door and entered the house, having a plate crash into the wall right next to my head.
"No!" Elsa screamed.
My eyes opened again and I ducked as another plate flew at me. "Elsa!"
The house wasn't a huge mess.
The curtains were on the floor like they'd been torn off, and there were now 2 broken plates on the floor. But that was pretty much it.
Along with the hysterical girl in the kitchen…
"Elsa, calm down!" I said gently, stepping closer.
Elsa firmly grabbed her hair, and pulled, dropping handfuls of hair on the floor.
"Elsa, stop that!" I quickly ran over and grabbed her wrists. "Daddy!" I shrieked.
Elsa pushed me backwards then kicked me.
"Stop!" Dad yelled, rushing in.
"Elsa, please!" I basically begged. "Calm down!"
Elsa picked up a knife, and that was pretty much it…
My dad took it from her hand, crossed her arms over her chest, and held her close so she couldn't run.
I put my hands over my ears at the screaming, and backed up a bit, nearly getting kicked.
"Elsa, honey, calm down…" I barely heard dad say with a gentle tone.
I grabbed Elsa's legs and held them down the second she kicked the counter, and cut herself. "Elsa, just breathe a moment…"
"Anna?" mum asked, only able to see me past the island in the middle of the kitchen. "What are you doing?"
Elsa screamed again, and mum quickly walked over, shocked at the sight. "What is going on?!"
"We don't know…" I answered, tearing up.
"Please…" Elsa cried, falling limp. I figured from exhaustion. "I'm sorry… Please…"
"Shh, its okay," dad said gently.
I stood and mum gently put her arms around me.
I've never ever seen anyone so panicked before…
Dad stayed on his knees with Elsa partly in his arms. Her legs were straight out, with blood from where she kicked the counter. Her cheeks were stained with tears, and she was so scared looking…
Elsa gently put her hands on her shoulders, as they were crossed over her chest. She took a few deep breaths, then blinked a bit and looked around, tiredly with confusion.
She looked up at mum and I. "Anna…" then her eyes closed.
We never determined if she fell asleep or passed out from exhaustion. Maybe a bit of both…
We had put Elsa to bed right after that incident. Then my parents went out back, and I stayed in my room while Elsa slept nearby.
But at some point in playing that game, the world went completely black.
However much longer later, my eyes slowly flutter open, and I had the worst headache ever…
My hands were tied above my head and I was literally hanging from the fricken ceiling in my bedroom.
There's blood running beside my eye. Somebody hit my head…
I looked down, and my feet were at least an inch off the ground. I could barely even stand on tip-toes.
Elsa ran her hand along my back then walked in front of me, holding a knife in her hand.
"Eltha—" There was tape over my mouth. And 1 repeating word in my head… A 4 letter world spelt s-h-i-t.
I pulled my hands, but the belts wrapped around my wrists were stronger.
I looked at Elsa with wide and fearful eyes. What the hell was going on?!
"Don't do this…" Elsa whispered, seemingly to herself. "Be the good girl you always have to be…"
I remember a tear escaping my eye in fear, as I had no idea what was going on.
Why was I hanging by my arms from the ceiling? Why did I have tape over my mouth? Why was Elsa pacing around talking to herself with a knife in her hands? …Why didn't I instantly call for help…?
"Don't let them in; don't let them see…" she whispered. "Conceal, don't feel…"
Conceal? Conceal what?
Elsa lifted my shirt, and cut my stomach.
My hands turned to fists, and I let out a muffled scream at the pain.
"Stop it!" Elsa stepped back, looking at the blood running down my now-bare stomach. "God, you are a monster!"
I think she was talking to herself, but I wasn't sure…
She made another cut and this time, I screamed, hoping to get my parents attention.
And I did.
Seconds later, both my parents rushed in and my mom nearly screamed.
"Elsa, stop it!"
Elsa made another cut, and I screamed again. She dropped the knife and scratched me with her nails.
Dad kicked the knife away and trapped Elsa's arms by her sides, pulling her back away from me.
Mum quickly took the tape off my mouth, and I took a deep breath being able to breathe properly again.
"What happened?!" she asked, trying to undo the belts.
"Beats me… Guess I was unconscious for most of it," I answered painfully.
"Hang in there…"
"Hanging," I half-joked.
Mum got the belts off, and I fell into her arms.
The cuts hurt so much…
"No!" Elsa screamed, kicking.
Dad ended up holding her off the floor, and carrying her out of the room.
"Mum, what's going to happen?" I asked nervously.
"Honey, if she's this dangerous…"
"Don't kick her out! Please," I begged.
"Anna…"
"Mom, please! I'm trying to help her! She was getting better!" I cried, desperately.
"She just knocked you out, tied you to the ceiling, and tried to play surgeon!" Mom responded, clearly worried about me.
"Please, just give her another chance," I begged. "Please…"
Mum didn't really respond.
At the sound of Elsa's screaming, I ran out of the room, keeping my left arm crossed over the cuts on my stomach.
Mom followed and helped me keep balance.
We went into the backyard.
Elsa was lying on her back on the grass, laughing.
Dad was sitting on the stars, utterly confused. "Anna-Grace, you call Jack or Erick or both and ask for a damn explanation."
I smiled a bit then went back inside to get the phone.
I stood on the porch and watched Elsa lying in the sunbeam, happy as ever as if nothing happened.
"So, she just—"
"She just started laughing and stopped fighting and crying, and crawled away. Now she's lying there, laughing again…" dad said to mom.
I finished on the phone then put it down. "Erick and Jack are coming for dinner tonight."
Mum stood and went inside, "I'll get dinner on, then."
I sat on the stairs next to dad and sighed a bit.
"You okay?" he asked.
I sat up straighter and lifted my shirt, looking at the cuts. "Well, no bikini's for a while. But, I think I'll survive…"
Dad put an arm around me, and pulled me close. "Ah, sweet Anna. Strong as ever, and the kindest person alive. How is it that your patients and optimism is so high?"
I never knew, honestly.
"Maybe because I was raised by the best parents," I answered.
"With the best father ever?" dad asked goofily.
We both laughed.
"Yes, the best father ever," I asked.
And he was. Is…
I had the best parents, friends, family…
Elsa put her hands over her face, and cried.
"Daddy, what do we do?" I asked, slowly standing and walking over to Elsa.
I looked down at her and she peeked through her fingers.
Elsa sat up and looked at the blood on my stomach with horror. "Did I—" she gently put her fingers under the cuts.
It hurt—well, it stung…
"I hurt you…" Elsa said, seeming horrified.
"I'm fine, Elsa," I responded gently.
"I hurt you!" Elsa cried, putting her head down and continuing to cry.
I knelt in front of her, and pulled her into a hug.
She hugged me back, whispering apologies.
I had quite a few bandages on the cuts on my stomach, which got annoying… But I got used to it.
Elsa wouldn't talk to any of us, and I wouldn't let her leave the house earlier when she wanted to. She might be mad… I don't know.
She's sitting on the couch in the living room, watching a scary movie called "Eden Lake", a movie I would never watch…
Dad is sitting on his chair in the living room just to keep an eye on Elsa while mum and I cook dinner in the kitchen.
"Honey, you know how sometimes you keep a secret for too long, and it builds up inside then makes you do something stupid?" mum asked quietly.
"Yeah, why?" I asked, wiping my hands in my white apron.
"Maybe Elsa's having the same problem," mum answered.
So… Elsa has a secret and it's making her go crazy?
I have a few secrets, and it honestly doesn't feel good keeping them in… But who am I supposed to tell?
"Lies…" Elsa whispered. "They're all lies…"
Mum, dad and I looked over at her with confusion.
She was still staring down at the floor.
"Love isn't real… it's just a lie," she whispered.
Elsa and dad made eye contact.
"Men are evil," she whispered with more of a snarl/sneer tone.
"Elsa, be nice," I sighed, picking up a knife and cutting up the veggies for dinner.
"Girls are nothing…" Elsa put her head down and looked at the floor. "Girls should be boys, or should be owned…"
"What? No!" I responded, dropping the knife and walking into the living room. "Elsa—"
"Girls are only to be used," Elsa interrupted, standing up, slightly swinging her arms by her sides. "We're here for 1 reason, and that's to bring more people into this hellhole…"
We found ourselves speechless.
Elsa turned to me with misty eyes. "Isn't that true?"
"No," I answered.
"I guess you've had the perfect life. Growing up with both your parents, having whatever you want," Elsa walked past me, and paced a bit. "Have you ever been yelled at?"
Sometimes… "Somet—"
"No, I mean yelled at. Screamed at, bellowed at… Not just a "Go to your room"," Elsa interrupted.
I slightly shook my head.
"Have you been hit by your parents?" Elsa asked.
I shook my head again.
"Kicked outside? Locked away in your room? Thrown off a cliff? Nearly given away to some strange guy?!" She was crying by this point, and honestly, I was too…
Dad stood and mum moved a bit closer.
"You're like a Princess in a castle, Anna," Elsa said through tears. "You never have to worry that your mother could kill you at any second. You don't have to fear your mother, or run from her because she loves you and you love her… I haven't loved my mother in 11 fucking years!"
A few tears ran down my cheeks.
God, I felt so bad for her…
"My daddy came back, and I chose you over him," she cried.
"Why?" I asked quietly.
She bit her lip, thinking of words.
"Because I've never had a friend," she answered quietly. "Ever… not even in school…"
I saw mum wipe a few tears away from her eyes.
"And you treat me differently," Elsa continued, slightly calmer. "You buy me stuff, you let me stay in your home, you haven't given up even when I have, you're by my side when I'm sick or hurt, you… You take care of me…"
Please don't ask why, please don't ask why…
I didn't have an answer.
"Nobody has ever done that…" Elsa said quietly.
"Els—"
Elsa held up an index finger, and I silenced in mid word.
My parents were watching everything, which made me nervous for some reason…
If Elsa did something—I could lose her… They could kick my best friend out.
"You're a very lucky kid, Anna," Elsa said gently. "Don't take advantage of that."
I opened my mouth to speak—
"Tell Jack and daddy that I said hi," Elsa grabbed her jacket and left the house before any of us could speak.
What just happened?!
I was so lost… So confused. She was hurting so much, and there I was, standing there like a dork.
I quickly ran to the door with my parents following, but when we looked outside, she was gone.
"No…" I stepped out further and frantically looked, but she wasn't there. "No!"
"Awe, sweetie…" Mum pulled me into a hug.
Words couldn't describe how selfish I felt… Getting attention from my parents when Elsa was broken.
Why was this girl getting into my head so much?!
I didn't understand…
And looking back on that moment, I don't understand why I didn't understand. I guess I never really understood it.
Love.
