Choices

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

oooOOOooo

If you could really accept that you weren't ok you, could stop proving you were ok. If you could stop proving that you were ok you could get that it was ok not to be ok. If you could get that it was ok not to be ok you could get that you were ok the way you are. You're ok, get it? - Werner Erhard

oooOOOooo

"Hey."

Dean looked up from the book he was reading when Kristine walked into the living room. Her expression put him immediately on alert. He tossed the book aside as Kristine sat next to him.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"What? Oh, no! I'm sorry. No, I'm fine. I've been thinking about something on my drive home." She leaned against him when he put his arm around her shoulders. "I didn't mean to freak you out."

"My heart will start beating again in a second. What were you thinking about?"

She held his hand. "Lots of stuff. And it wasn't just on the drive home. I've been thinking about things for a while. I had a counseling session this afternoon; with my counselor, I mean. I realized that I've been afraid to talk to you and I think maybe you've been afraid to talk to me."

Dean could have protested, but he'd only be lying if he did.

"I'd say that I've made some decisions, but that's not fair to you. That makes it sound like you don't have a say in what's going on and I don't want you to feel that way. So, instead of making decisions, I'll say that I've come to some conclusions."

"That still sounds pretty final to me." Dean didn't intend to sound judgmental or angry, but he wasn't sure he'd succeeded.

"It's not," Kristine said softly. "I'm probably less inclined to negotiate some points, but nothing is final."

"Less inclined to negotiate?"

Kristine gently caressed his hand. "I know I'm just springing this on you and I don't mean to. And it's not….you want to be civilized and do this over dinner?

Dean hesitated as a feeling of dread came over him. "How about we just talk now?"

"Will you listen with an open mind?"

"I'll try."

"I want to move back into the estate house; into the master suite. There are almost always hunters there and Ross practically never leaves. That way, there will always be people around to help protect the baby and you can feel better about going off on hunts."

"Krist—"

"You said you'd listen."

Dean sighed. "Go on."

"I'm not saying you have to go out on hunts, but I think this will make it easier for you to do what we both know you need to do. There are a lot of parents whose jobs keep them from home for periods of time. What you do is important; you help people and you save lives. And it's not just what you do; it's who you are. That's one of the things I lo….that's one of the things I respect about you. And I want you to instill that kind of honor into your child."

Dean wasn't sure what to say. He didn't have a problem with Kristine moving back into the main house, but he didn't want her to do it because of him. And he didn't feel particularly honorable. He knew what he did helped people, but he had never felt that he was anything special.

"I still want you and Sam to think of this place, the estate, as your home. I want to have as many rooms as possible available for guests, so Sam can use the cottage when he's here. I'll move my personal stuff up to the main house and he can do whatever he wants with the cottage." She paused, probably to give Dean a chance to say something, but he stayed quiet. She continued a moment later. "I want the baby to know the truth about the supernatural. I want it to know about what you and Sam do. I want it to know how to protect itself, but no hunts. The baby stays here, grows up here and goes to school here."

Dean had to admit to himself that he didn't like being dictated to, but Kristine still hadn't said anything he disagreed with. He didn't want another Winchester to grow up in the back seat of the Impala.

"I'm not asking for a commitment from you. Not one to me, anyway. I need you to make one to the baby, though. Like I said, I don't expect you to be here all the time, but if you want to co-parent this child, you have to figure out a way to merge that with hunting. I don't want you to just be a guest in his or her life, so if you can't make some kind of commitment, then you need to tell me now. Soon, anyway."

"Anything else?" he asked, carefully keeping his tone neutral.

"What do you think so far?"

Dean pulled away and leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. After a moment, he turned his head to look at her. "Those are the nonnegotiable points?"

"I never said nonnegotiable, but, those are the ones I'm pretty much not willing to compromise on."

"I'm not sure I like how you told me this stuff, but I can't say that I disagree. Knowing what we do, there's no way we can ever live a completely normal life. I get that. But I want to make things as normal for our kid as we can. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do about hunting….I think you're probably right that I can't give it up completely. I want to be here for the kid; I want to be a dad. I don't know how good I'll be, but I won't desert him. Or you."

"You ready for a little more?"

Dean felt surprisingly calm. He sat back and took her hand. "Hit me."

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and she's going to do an ultrasound. I'd love for you to be there. This is the first one I've had and –"

"Yeah, I want to be there." Kristine's smile warmed his heart.

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"How do you feel about being in the delivery room?"

"A little freaked out, but I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"So, how about childbirth classes?"

"Say what?"

"Childbirth classes. They teach you what to expect during delivery and –"

"Hey, you were saying something about dinner earlier?"

Kristine laughed and kissed him gently. They sat quietly for a few minutes.

"You're really okay with what I said about the baby and hunting and everything?"

"You know how I felt about my dad and I get why he did what he did, but I don't want that for my kid. I'm not sure how I feel about him growing up around some of the hunters who come here, but I trust your judgment. And I like the idea of you being around people who can protect you both when I'm not here."

"You wanna go look at baby furniture this weekend?"

The change of subject surprised him and Dean looked at her, feigning apprehension. "You're really throwing a lot at me tonight."

"I know I am. I figure if I keep you dazed, I'll get what I want," she joked.

"Oh yeah? And what is it you want?"

"Dinner. I'm starving and I've been craving fish and chips all day. How about Shell's?"

"If that's what you want."

"You want to see if Sam wants to come along?"

"Yeah, I'll call him."

The three went to the only seafood restaurant in town, then while Kristine went to spend some time with Rachel, the brothers decided to have a nightcap at Mojo's. Dean thought he wanted to talk to Sam about what Kristine had told him when she got home, but as they sat at a table in the back of the bar, he decided against it. There would be time for that later.

---

Dean was glad to see the waiting room in the doctor's office was empty of people when he and Kristine arrived. It was the first appointment of the morning because she was going to work right after seeing the doctor. Dean suspected she knew he was uncomfortable; she'd been trying to keep the mood light since they got up that morning.

Despite being in a small town, the office was full service and had all of the latest equipment. It attracted patients from all over the county and employed two doctors, a radiologist, nurses and even a midwife. Deliveries could be done in the town's clinic or at two hospitals in Asheville; the midwife also assisted at home deliveries.

There was a homey feel to the office. The waiting room looked like it belonged in someone's house and even the exam room they were led into didn't seem to belong in a medical building. Of course the exam table was standard fare, but the walls were painted in a warm color and the pictures could have been come from an art gallery.

Dean was left alone for a few minutes while Kristine was taken to be weighed and other normal exam activities. He glanced through the pamphlets laid out on the desk, then moved to the window before finally settling on the stool next to the exam table. He rubbed his hands nervously on his jeans and tried to push his fears behind the familiar mask he wore.

He looked toward the door when it opened and felt almost a physical relief when Kristine walked in.

"You okay?" she smiled.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

He watched as she grinned and stood in front of him. "You're a little out of your element. I doubt you spend much time in rooms that have tables with stirrups. And if you do, I'm not sure I want to know about it."

Dean laughed and pulled her toward him.

The technician came in a few minutes later and introduced herself to Dean. Amanda and Kristine knew each other from school as well as from Kristine's previous visits to the office. Dean helped Kristine up on the table and stood nearby, uncomfortable and unsure of what he should do. Amanda made some final adjustments to the equipment and Kristine reached for his hand.

"You can move that stool closer if you want to sit down," Amanda smiled at him.

Once everyone was settled, Amanda explained the procedure and the types of things the test was designed to detect. When she was finished, she sat back. "Any questions?"

Kristine glanced at Dean, then shook her head. "Nope; we're good."

"Well, I have a question for you. It might be possible to see what gender the baby is. Do you want to know?"

Kristine glanced at Dean again. They'd talked about it the night before and decided they didn't want to. She shook her head. "No."

Amanda smiled. "I love surprises myself. Okay, let's get started."

Once she had thoroughly done her job and was sure everything was normal, Amanda turned the screen so that Dean and Kristine could see the images.

"Meet your baby. Everything looks fine."

Dean couldn't really make anything out in the image, but he felt Kristine squeeze his hand. Once Amanda explained what they were seeing, the baby took shape and he was amazed. He couldn't find any words to express what he was feeling.

"I'll print out a couple of pictures for you," Amanda said. "And I'll just leave this image up while I go get them. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Neither Kristine nor Dean spoke for a moment, both of them staring at the monitor.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?" he could only manage a whisper.

"What do you think of your kid?"

"I – uh – wow."

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

---

Dean found Sam in the library of the main house later. Sam was sitting at the desk, his laptop set up in front of him and books piled all around him. Dean stood in the doorway, watching as the words on the page of the book Sam was looking at almost floated into his head. Dean had always been impressed with his brother's intelligence.

He probably could take some credit for Sam having been ahead of his classmates in school, but that would never have occurred to him. Dean had shared what he was learning in school with his little brother, even before he was old enough to understand. Sam could already read and do simple math when he started first grade. Dean's best subject had always been math and other than that, it wasn't long before Sam could do Dean's homework better than he could.

Their father had been good at research and had taught both of his sons his methods. Sam took to it better than Dean; it was his forte and his passion. Dean sometimes watched him, like he was doing now, and was always filled with pride.

It looked like Sam was onto something and, not wanting to interrupt, Dean decided to wait until later to talk to him. He had just started to walk away when Sam called his name.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked.

"I – uh – I didn't want to interrupt you."

He saw the curious expression on Sam's face as he asked about the appointment.

"Great. Kristine's fine; the baby is fine. I – uh…." Dean sat down on the couch. "Sam…."

Sam moved from the desk and sat next to him. "Is something wrong?"

Dean shook his head. "No. The doctor said she'd only had a handful of patients over the years who have had as easy a pregnancy as Kristine is having."

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah, that's good." Dean said though he was uncertain. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out one of the ultrasound pictures. He held it out to Sam.

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow," Dean was feeling overwhelmed again. "It's real, Sam. I mean, I knew it was, but Kristine barely looks pregnant and I can't feel what she does….this picture….that's my kid, Sammy."

"I know," Sam grinned. "So, is it a boy or a girl?"

"Kristine didn't want to know. I couldn't decide, so I agreed with her. I've been doing that a lot in the last couple of days."

"What do you mean?"

Dean told him about the terms Kristine had laid out.

"You okay with all of that?"

Dean shrugged. "Seems reasonable. I'm a little concerned about the kid growing up in the same house as hunters; some of them, anyway. I try not to think about Kristine being near some of them, too, but she's smart and she knows what she's doing."

"So, you're not gonna give up hunting?"

"I can't; not entirely. I owe it to Mom and Dad; to you and Jessica…I want to find the yellow-eyed bastard; it took Kristine's family, too. I just have to figure out how to make it all work." Dean nodded toward the desk. "What's all that?"

Sam looked across the room and then back to his brother, almost as if he felt guilty about something. "Just some stuff I've been working on."

"Wanna fill me in? Is it a job?"

"It's not a job. At least not yet. It's uh….it's stuff about Yellow Eyes."

Dean walked to the desk and looked over what was on the tops of the various piles. Sam was close on his heels.

"What have you found?"

"Nothing conclusive. I've just been comparing some of the stuff Dad found with some other things and trying to organize it all. I don't know how Dad figured those patterns out."

"He was good, that's for sure," Dean said, trying to look through the piles without disturbing Sam's organization. "There's nothing new?"

"No; like I said, I'm comparing and organizing. It's kind of nice having the time and space to do this."

"Anything I can do to help?"

Dean couldn't miss the surprise on his brother's face. Research wasn't one of Dean's top ten things to do, but that didn't mean he didn't have some of their father's skill. A few minutes later, both of them were buried in books and papers.

---

Every day life had fallen into a sort of routine. Kristine would go to work for a few hours each day and then spend time at the main house. Dean helped Ross with work around the estate and researched with Sam. The brothers worked out in the gym and talked to the hunters who visited. They got information and provided advice; it seemed that everyone had heard of the Winchesters and most were happy to get their take on a current problem.

As Kristine had thought, it didn't take much work to get the suite ready. There was already a bedroom, sitting room and private bath, but it was remodeled to make a nursery. Dean surprised her by doing some of the work himself. They shopped for baby furniture, but it wasn't until Lori visited for a few days that the purchase was made.

Dean also surprised Kristine with how well he handled the childbirth classes. She wouldn't admit that he seemed more comfortable in them than she did, but she had the thought more than once. Kristine had no desire to be a hero and though she wanted to try delivery without drugs, her opinion was that they had been invented for a reason.

Even though Sam had moved into the cottage, but wasn't able to think of it as his. It stayed empty except for the furniture that Kristine had left there. Other than those too few months of living with Jessica, he'd never had a place of his own, but he found that he enjoyed not having to pack up his books and papers every day.

The brothers started to leave for nearby jobs and each time they were gone, Dean felt a little more comfortable with the arrangement. He was beginning to think he could merge his two worlds and be content in each one. He was a little concerned that Sam seemed to be isolating himself; other than talking to the hunters and to Dean and Kristine, Sam was almost always alone. It was to be expected, considering how they'd grown up and lived their lives since, but Dean wanted Sam to take advantage of their time in Mountain Ridge. They talked about it, but Sam blew off his brother's concerns and Dean knew better than to push.

Six weeks before the due date, Kristine felt good and was experiencing none of the normal discomforts of advanced pregnancy. She still barely looked pregnant, but the doctor continued to assure her that things were progressing normally.

About a month before the due date, Lori and Rachel hosted a baby shower at the inn. Some of Kristine's extended family from Ashville and elsewhere in the state came to Mountain Ridge for the day. She wasn't particularly close to her family; she kept in touch and attended events only out of respect for her parents. It was the same type of duty she felt to carry on her mother's charity work and social obligations, though there was an aunt a couple of cousins that she enjoyed spending time with.

Kristine made sure that Ellen Harvelle and Missouri Mosley were invited and Dean greeted them happily when they arrived the day before the shower. Bobby even came into town for a few days, though he and the brothers didn't attend the shower.

Kristine was overwhelmed by the gifts from her family; she was sure that there wasn't another thing she and Dean would have to buy. Everyone seemed to have a good time and once the presents were opened and most of the food consumed, the guests started to leave. Kristine saw them out, then went to check out what was still left on the buffet table.

"Step away from the cookies and no one gets hurt," she commanded with a smile, picking up one of Rachel's home made chocolate cookies.

Missouri returned the smile. "You're a month away from giving birth and you're still too skinny. Eat two cookies."

Kristine laughed. "Thank you so much for coming and helping out. You're being here means a lot to me and I know that Dean appreciates it, too. He was feeling a little overwhelmed having to mingle with the family who came into town early."

"He's not too good with people sometimes," Missouri said. "Especially people who don't know about the supernatural."

"I know. But he did all right." Kristine looked at the large whicker basket sitting in the middle of the food table. It was filled with various plants that could be transferred to other containers or put into the ground outside. "I have to tell you again that the centerpiece; it's gorgeous. I heard a lot of people commenting about it."

"Ellen and I worked on it," Missouri said.

"When did you two get so chummy?" Kristine asked as Ellen joined them.

"We knew your family would get all of the normal things a baby would need, but, well," Ellen hesitated. "I've been talking to Bobby and he told me how nervous you and Dean are about things your family doesn't understand. I called Missouri to discuss an appropriate gift from us."

Missouri nodded. "They can all be used for protection and can be put in the nursery and throughout the house," Missouri explained. "Some of them, like the Hyacinth, are also for happiness."

Tears sprang into Kristine's eyes.

"I said happiness!" Missouri laughed and hugged her.

Ellen put her arm around Kristine's waist a moment later. "I know what it's like to raise a kid around the craziness of that world. And I'm not gonna lie to you; it's hard. But you've got a lot of help and you're gonna be just fine."

"Thank you," Kristine said quietly. "Both of you."

"Hey," Dean said as he came from the kitchen. "Lori called and said it was safe."

Kristine wiped the tears away and moved next to him, taking his hand. Sam and Bobby walked in a moment later.

"We came for leftovers," Dean said, looking at the mound of gifts across the room. "That's a lot of stuff."

"Yeah. We're going to need Ross' truck to get it all up to the house, I think."

"I hope you have room for one more," Bobby held out a small box and Kristine took it with a smile.

"Bobby…." She opened the box and looked at him.

"It's a silver baby cup. You know that silver is a protective metal and this one was fortified by a witch who only practiced white magic. Leaving it in the nursery is as effective as salting the doors and windows."

Dean looked at him appreciatively as Kristine hugged him. "Thank you."

Bobby nodded and returned the hug, looking only a little uncomfortable. "How about those leftovers?"

---

Kristine had completely transitioned all of her clients to other counselors and she stopped working three weeks before the due date. She completed the final touches to the nursery and spent time with the hunters, though there were fewer than normal coming through.

Mild contractions started the afternoon before the due date and progressed in textbook form. Early in the next morning, Dean drove them to the birthing center at the clinic. Once checked in, they were settled in one of the birth suites. While all of the medical necessities were available for emergencies, the suite was more like a bedroom. It was painted in a warm cream color with soft landscape paintings on the walls. The room held a queen sized bed, a couple of recliners, a couch, television and CD player. It also had a private bath and telephone.

Kristine was comfortable in a recliner and she watched as Dean uneasily checked out the room. In addition to the things most people put in the bag they bring to the hospital, she and Dean had packed herbs and amulets that he had laid out in various innocuous places.

"Dean?"

He turned to look at her, his hands stuffed into his jeans.

"You're making me nervous."

"Sorry."

She held out her hand and he took it, sitting on the arm of her chair.

"Better?"

Kristine laid her head against him. "Thank you."

"You doin' okay?"

"Yeah. Did you call Sam?"

"He told me to call when we were settled."

"He's going to be here, isn't he?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I think he figures he'd be in the way."

"Give me the damn phone."

Kristine gripped Dean's hand as he started to stand. He stayed with her, holding her hand and helping to distract her from the pain.

"They're getting stronger," she said when the contraction was over.

"Still about four minutes apart," Dean said, checking his watch. "Do you need anything?"

"Just the phone."

"You don't have to –"

"I have four minutes to make this call. Don't argue with me."

Dean smirked. "Yes'm."

Kristine listened to Sam's cell phone ring four times before he answered it. She was afraid he wouldn't recognize the hospital number and would let it go to voice mail.

"Hello?"

"It's about time; I didn't think you were going to answer."

"Kristine?"

"Yeah. Dean said you might not come to the clinic; is that true?"

"Well, I…."

"Sam, we want you here. I want you here. If you're not comfortable in the suite with us, the waiting room is just down the hall. Please, Sam?"

"You're sure? I mean, I –"

"Of course I'm sure. And can you stop by the inn to pick up Rachel if she's ready? I called her before we left the house."

"Sure, yeah, I mean…." She heard Sam take a deep breath. "We'll be there soon."

---

Sam didn't want to be at the hospital when the baby was born, but he couldn't explain his reasons. He wanted to share Kristine and Dean's happiness, but he wasn't really happy himself. It had nothing to do with jealousy or any of what he'd felt before. He was just too afraid to be happy.

He hadn't shared all of his research with his brother. Some of it he'd kept hidden, only talking to Bobby about it. He'd hoped to either find out he was wrong, or find a way around what he'd learned. He never wanted to have to worry his brother about it.

Sam hadn't spotted it at first, but gradually he'd begun to see that there were signs of demon activity in a nearby town. As near as he could tell, it had started about the time he and Dean had been in town before; when the baby was conceived. There had been periods of less activity, but in the last week it had increased substantially before dropping off completely. He had wanted to investigate, but he knew that his leaving town so close to Kristine's due date would only make Dean suspicious. Bobby had agreed to take a look and he met some of his contacts there only a few days before.

They'd found a bar that had clearly been a meeting place for demons, but there was no sign that they were still in town and no way to track them. Bobby was still in Kester the night before when Sam had called to tell him that Kristine was having contractions.

Sam was sure the demon activity had something to do with the baby and he knew that if he wasn't at the hospital and something happened, he would feel guilty forever. He got into the car he'd been borrowing from the estate and headed toward the inn, calling Rachel as he drove. She had just been about to get into her own car, but was happy to wait for Sam to pick her up. They were at the hospital a few minutes later.

Rachel knocked on the door and heard Kristine invite them in. She was sitting on the window seat, Dean's arm around her when Rachel opened the door. Sam was surprised to see her looking almost like her usual self; it wasn't like he had a lot of experience with women in labor.

"Hi there," Kristine smiled.

"You look very calm," Rachel returned the smile. "You know this is where my Katie had her baby."

"I know; we talked all about it when she came to the shower."

"How are you doing?" Rachel asked, sitting next to her when Dean moved out of the way.

"Not too bad so far. The doctor was just here; she said things are going fine. The contractions seem to be stuck at four minutes apart." She looked at Sam. "I'm glad you came."

He nodded, his hands stuffed into his coat pocket. "Yeah, me, too."

"Hey, Sam, how about we give the women a few minutes alone?" Dean suggested.

He nodded again. "Yeah."

---

"I feel like an idiot," Sam said. "You handling everything okay?"

They walked toward the waiting room down the hall. "Yeah, I guess. I can't believe it's happening. And Kristine seems to calm."

"It's your job to keep her that way, I guess."

"Yeah. God, Sam, I can't believe in a few hours…..there's going to be a real baby. I…." he turned away.

Sam moved to stand next to him. That's how they'd always offered each other strength; there didn't have to be a physical touch, but only closeness.

"Sam," Dean began, his voice gravely. "Promise me you'll stay around. You can stay in the waiting room if you want, but I really need you here."

Sam didn't hesitate. "I'll stay."

Dean nodded.

tbc