Chapter Seven
Anxious Awakening
Fear. Absolute fear. Devastation. Anger. Horror.
These words constantly flash through my mind. I hold on to Peeta, trying to keep my balance. I'm shaking. I feel like a deer in headlights.
He stands in front of us, with his arms folded. "What's going on here?" He examines Peeta and I. The nerves are getting to me. I want to throw up and it's clearly not because of the alcohol.
I lean against Peeta, "Please take me home," I whisper in his ear. I don't want confrontation with him. I don't even know why he's here in District 12.
He walks up to Peeta. "Hey, I'm Gale," He reaches his hand out to shake Peeta's hand. When Peeta doesn't budge, his expression darkens.
He turns to face me, touching my face. I slap his hand away from me, tears running down my face.
"You wanna go for round two, Catnip?" He winks at me.
I can feel my shell forming around me. I can't be near him anymore. I'm about to break down. Letting go of Peeta, I run down the stairs. I don't look back despite hearing Peeta call my name. I run through the crowded dance floor, searching for any familiar face. My anxiety, combined with the alcohol, is causing me to feel dizzy. I could pass out on the middle of this floor, but I keep pushing.
Eventually, I see Clove sitting in a chair texting. I grab her shoulder causing her to jump. I scared her.
I'm not aware that I'm sobbing until I feel my lungs gasping for air. Clove's face goes from shock to concern. "Katniss, what-?"
"Take me home," I gasp out, trying to breathe. But I barely can. I'm having a panic attack. "Clove, I can't be here." I barely get these words out my mouth.
She gets up instantly and holds on to me. She uses one hand to text someone, before she helps me walk outside. It wasn't easy getting out there. We had to weave our way through the crowd, and I was on the brink of passing out. Once we get outside, she has me sit down on the ground.
"Put your head in between your knees and breathe, Katniss," She instructs me as she rubs my back. "My friend Marvel is going to drive us back to my house." She explains to me, hoping that will calm me down.
After what feels like forever, a man pulls up in a truck. Clove helps me stand up, and takes me into the car, laying me down in the back seat.
I nearly lose my mind.
It only brings back the memories of that night. Without thinking, I scratch Clove trying to defend myself.
She shrieks, clutching her arm. "Holy shit," She curses.
Realizing what I did, I quickly come back to my sense. I start apologizing to her, but she just gets in the seat next to me and closes the door.
The car ride is silent. Marvel doesn't really ask about the situation even though I know he wants to be nosey. Thankfully, Clove's house isn't far from Glimmer's, so we get there in 10 minutes. Once again, Clove helps me out of the car and into her house.
It's nearly 2 in the morning. I can't drive myself home because I'm still drunk nor do I want to intrude in Clove's home.
She senses what I'm thinking. "You're staying here tonight," She says slowly, making it clear to me. "You're drunk and I can tell when someone doesn't want to be alone."
Clove turns on her bedroom light, and leads me to her bed. She has me lay down in it while she changes her clothes to a tank top and sweatpants. She rummages through her closet to get me some clothes as well.
She throws them next to me. "Here, I'll go into the bathroom while you change. I need to find a couple of band aids anyway," She holds onto the arm that I injured earlier. She walks out of the room, leaving me alone.
I quickly peel the dress off, and replace it with a T-shirt and shorts. Sitting on her bed, I can't help but relive the fear that ran through my body tonight. Why was he here? Is he going to hurt me again? What's the deal…?
Clove stands in the doorway, staring at me. Her arms are folded and her expression is blank. "We gotta talk…" She says, walking towards the bed. "But, I rather sleep first." She gets into the bed, throwing the blankets over her body.
Sleep doesn't come quickly for me. I keep thinking about Gale. Then Peeta. I left him with Gale who probably fed him all sorts of lies. He implied that I was a slut in front of Peeta. I should've exposed him for being a rapist, but I was honestly too scared. I still am.
Clove snores next to me, letting me know that she's sound asleep. I slowly crawl out of the bed, hoping I don't wake her up. I look for my phone on her desk. When I pick it up, I see that I have so many text messages.
Johanna [1:37 am]
Hey where r u?
Johanna [1:40 am]
Don't worry about bringing me home. Thresh and I…I'll explain later.
Johanna [1:45 am]
Uhm..peeta is looking for you? Can you call him so he stops bothering me?
Surely, Peeta had been calling me. 10 times to be exact. I'm half tempted to call him back, but I'm really embarrassed. I don't want to talk about this. I just want to bring back my walls and ignore it.
"Katniss," Clove mumbles into her pillow. "Get back in the bed and go to sleep."
I listen to her, setting my phone back on her desk. Tomorrow is a new day.
The smell of bacon and eggs wake me up the next morning. Clove sits next to me eating. When she sees my open eyes, she grabs the plate next to her and hands it to me. "Morning."
"Hey," I take the plate from her. Taking a bite of bacon, the rich taste overwhelms my mouth. I chew slowly before swallowing.
We sit in silence while we finish our breakfast. After we're done, she grabs our plates and puts them on her desk. Her bedroom door is open, so she goes to close it. "Let's talk," She says, locking the door.
"About?" I ask, trying to avoid the topic.
She folds her arms. "We're not going to play dumb Katniss. What happened last night? Did Peeta do something to you?"
I shake my head. "No, Peeta is fine…" I trail off. I've never talked to anyone about this. I can already feel the tears forming. "A few years ago, my best friend hurt me in the worst way possible. Last night, I saw him again and I wasn't fully prepared for it."
"What did he do?"
I take a deep breathe, trying to lessen my state of panic. Then I realize that I can trust Clove since she's confided in me about her cousin's death.
"He drugged me and then sexually assaulted me," I confess, looking away from her.
The room is quiet for a bit. Clove, for once, is surprised by something. "And this dude is here? In 12?" She asks to confirm. I nod my head. "I gotta find my knives." She starts searching her room but I stand up to stop her.
"You're not going to hurt him and get yourself arrested." I place my hand on her shoulder preventing her from moving.
"Like hell I won't! You think if I don't do anything now, that Peeta won't do something about this later?"
I sigh. "He won't find out about it. Not until Gale goes back to District Four."
I'm grateful for Clove, truly. I know she won't tell anyone this, but I know this is hard for her to even keep to herself. I know she will though.
She throws her hands in the air. "Well, what do you want to do Katniss?"
Truthfully, I don't know. I can confront it, hide, or pretend it never happened. Peeta will have questions: about the situation and about the potential kiss that could've happened. I don't want to answer any of those questions. It's easier to write it off as we were both intoxicated and clearly were acting off the liquor, but I know that's not the case.
I want to hide, but not from Gale. I'm tired of hiding from him, but he causes me so much pain that I know I would not be able to handle a one on one. He's dangerous as well. Clove wouldn't let me near him, even if he was at his weakest.
"I want to go home," I answer truthfully. It's not the answer she wants, but it's what I'm willing to give at the moment. "But, I know we have plans with the group later."
"We can ditch," She says, taking her phone out ready to text the group chat.
I shake my head. "No, we're going. I don't want to worry anybody."
Clove grabs her wallet and coat. "Look, you can go back to your house, but I'm coming with you. Let's go."
And that's exactly what we do.
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