Very short chapter, so I'm gonna add a little bit of my ramblings below. Shizuru will not make an appearance in this chap, if anyone wanted to see her, I'm sorry. But no worries, she'll appear tomorrow. I'm not sure that's a good thing actually…and it seems some of you didn't mind the fact that Shizuru possibly kissed Mizushi…that surprised me but ah, oh well…
mantikora-I sure hope I don't end it bad for you and thanks for understanding the pressure issue. Read my ramblings after the chap.
Day 7
Natsuki's hand shot out, slamming into the alarm clock at the same time ending the life of that annoying beeping sound. Her brows knitted and a groan sounded straight from her throat. Her fingers gripped the clock and brought it closer to her face as her eyelids parted ever so slightly to look at the time.
Ten? More importantly, why is the alarm even on? Today is a Sunday…
She tossed the clock somewhere and turned her body to lie on her back. She exhaled. Half of her wanted to go back to sleep. It was a Sunday after all.
'Sunday also'
Her eyelids opened fully. She stared at the ceiling while a disgusted smile formed on her lips.
That my very first thought in the morning is you…that it happens every morning…how vexing…
Natsuki pushed herself up to a sitting position and crossed her legs. Her fingers ran through her thick blue hair. She could not see it now, but there were dark rings under her eyes. She hadn't had enough sleep last night. In fact, she didn't sleep much at all. She couldn't. Not with so many thoughts replaying in her head all night long. It didn't help that she didn't know whether to be pissed at Shizuru or to be pissed at herself.
'I knew it! That bubuzuku onna went looking for that second year!'
'Have you been dumped?'
'Actually today, I saw kaichou-san and Mizushi-san…kiss'
Even though it has been one night, those words still affected her deeply. Her sheets would be thankful at this moment that they were not alive or they would be in great terrible pain. Her eyes were closed, fists balled up and shaking. What exactly was driving it, she didn't know. Be it anger, or sorrow.
'I-I didn't see it happen!'
And that alone was enough to stop her shaking.
Could Mai be mistaken?
'I think we both know that you're really important to Fujino-san'
'But, what I do know is that Fujino-san loves you'
She threw herself back down on the bed. She turned to her side and curled up like a cat.
Shizuru loves me…but I…
'While she had no problem telling you again and again how she feels, you wouldn't do the same'
That's because…I'm not sure yet, what I feel…
'Don't you think that this condition of you not confirming how you feel yet you let her do as she please is even more cruel than straight out rejecting her feelings?'
'That you let her touch you; she probably feels you're doing so out of guilt or consideration'
I'm not
'Natsuki only accepts it because Natsuki has said to try to have the same feelings as me that's why Natsuki think that this is okay, isn't that right?'
But, is that guilt and consideration too?
'When it comes to telling her how you feel, you actually wish she force you to say it, don't you?'
Natsuki closed her eyes, pulling her limbs closer to her body. This feeling that she was having now is so foreign to her. She felt so torn, she didn't know what to do. Part of her wanted t go straight to Shizuru and demand the truth of what Mai saw. The other part is simply angry at herself because she had –unconsciously- hurt Shizuru so much. But the one thing that was clear is that everything connects to Shizuru. If she wanted to sort anything out, she had to see Shizuru. She had to talk to Shizuru.
'If you like someone, then just tell them or they'll never know' huh?
Natsuki stared at the door in front of her. This door that she had been standing in front of for the past two minutes. This door that is the door of Shizuru's room. She had decided that talking to Shizuru was the best alternative. And so she made her way up three floors to Shizuru's room. Though she had no idea yet what she wanted to say, or rather, in what order she should say what she wanted to but she figured she would just go with the flow. Shizuru had always been very good at carrying conversations, and she was going to bet on it. But before all that, she had to get herself inside first. She lifted her hand to knock the door, but hesitated. She wasn't sure why. She was confident Shizuru is awake, but she knew that wasn't the factor.
"Kuga-san"
Her knuckle stopped just an inch from the door. She turned to the voice. Standing there to her left is a third year student. Shizuru's classmate. And from the looks of it, Shizuru's neighbor too. She didn't know her name, but the fact that the other knew hers, she wasn't surprised.
"Are you looking for Fujino-san?"
She dropped her hand and nodded. "Yes"
"Fujino-san has been out since morning. She said she won't be back till the evening," the classmate informed.
A mixture of relief and loss flooded her. "Thank you."
The classmate smiled. "You're welcome," before walking away in the opposite direction.
Natsuki turned back to the door and sighed. She raised her hand once again and placed her palm against it.
Shizuru…
She was about to put her forehead against the door as well before she suddenly realized what she's doing and stopped. This is just a door, not Shizuru herself. She dropped her hand and backed away before reluctantly heading back to her room. There would be no chance to speak to Shizuru today. And tomorrow, Shizuru wasn't coming over either. So that would mean she could only speak to Shizuru the day after.
Shizuru…I need to talk to you…
Ah yes, I'm gonna ramble a bit here but it's completely skipable if you don't feel like reading. Right, I thought I'd share a bit on how Undecided came to be. I actually never planned on writing a piece for ShizNat but then one night when I was thinking about our lovely two this image of Shizuru staring coldly at Natsuki just flashed through my mind. No idea where the image came from but it intrigued me. So that night as I lay on my bed thinking, suddenly I started getting ideas and in that night itself Day 1 all the way to Day 10 played in my head. However, when I woke up the next morning, I found myself already forgetting pieces here and there. So I decided to draft it. (I draft a lot of my potential fics because as a student had a lot of time constrains) but when I finally completed the draft, I thought it'd be a waste if I didn't write it because it was such a detailed draft. I pondered and pondered and then finally I took my foolscap pad and a pencil (yes, I actually write my stories on paper first before typing it) and scribbled Day 1 on the top and the rest is history. No turning back from there. Having said all of that, I actually just finished writing Day 10 yesterday. And somehow, I didn't like the way I ended it. It differed from my original draft. But you see, I added in scenes here and there that wasn't in the draft so I had to improvise the end as well. It isn't what I'll call bad, but it just doesn't feel right.
The Yukino Natsuki scene of Day 6 was one that I added. I was actually wondering who I should use to give Natsuki the wake up call and was debating between Mai, Yukino and Nao(yes, Nao). I wrote their names on little pieces of paper and picked. Mai won. Duh. But I really wanted to use Yukino as well so I tied it to the apology scene. I couldn't find a proper place to include Nao though, so too bad. And today, Day 7, actually doesn't even exist in my draft, so that explains why it's short and somewhat awkward. Now, if you are reading this, means you've survived through all my ramblings, I'll reward you with Day 8 ASAP.
