Chapter 6 – Should I say goodbye?
First of all, I must apologise for the long wait. I didn't plan on letting it take this long so I hope this was worth the wait and satisfies you all beautiful people.
Secondly, you may have noticed I changed my name, but don't fret, it's still me ;P
Playlist:
Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down (scene 1 – Jace and Clary)
Gone too soon – Simple Plan (scene 2 - Jace)
Lights of my Hometown – Aaron Lines (scene 3 – Clary and Jocelyn)
Call me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen *I absolutely loathe this song, but it was too perfect for the scene not to use it* ;D (Scene 4 – Alec and Magnus)
The crowd of mourning people were silent as they carried the coffin out of the church on their shoulders. Jace and Alec were leading the front with Robert and a close family friend Hodge in the middle and two other Lightwood relatives that Jace had never met carried the end of the coffin as they marched towards the slick black limo waiting out the front for them so it could transport Max's body to the cemetery where the rest of the crowd would follow.
Jace stepped to the side as did Alec who then came to stand by Jace's side and clap a hand over Jace's shoulder in a comforting gesture.
"How are you holding up?" Alec asked him in a low voice.
Jace looked out at the crowd as they climbed in their cars and started to drive off not answering. The guilt that he felt on the inside was shown on his face plain enough that anyone could see it. The sun was shining low over the horizon making Jace squint in its bright light. People wearing black everywhere were dissipating as quickly as what the night was arriving. It was almost as if the blackness of their clothes and the darkness that the air was polluted with was inviting the night to arrive quicker to engulf everyone in its hold. As Jace watched all the people leaving there was a sudden flash of colour that caught his attention.
Clary was getting in the car with Isabelle, the car that Jace and Alec too would be travelling in. As she opened the car door she cast a look over her shoulder and that was when she caught sight of Jace standing there like a statue. Jace could tell by the silent tears that were running down Clary's face that the guilt he felt inside of him at not being able to save his little brother was nothing to the guilt that Clary would be feeling – believing that she was the sole reason for Max's death. Had Clary not gone outside and stayed inside like she should have then she would have never ran into Jonathan, and Jonathan never would have stabbed Max.
Clary turned back to Isabelle in the car and said something before closing the door and making her way over to Jace and Alec. Beside him, Jace heard Alec sigh impatiently as if he knew that he wouldn't be able to capture Jace's attention – not with Clary around.
"I'll see you in the car, Jace," Alec muttered before walking off to give Jace and Clary a moment.
Clary watched with nervous eyes as Alec left her and Jace and she stood there hugging her elbows to her chest as they stared at one another. Clary looked stunning – she wore a simple black dress that fell to her knees with a long sleeved black sequined cardigan covering her arms. Her hair was being held back by a big brown clip and Isabelle had obviously gotten to Clary with her makeup. Jace wanted nothing more in that moment that to take her in his arms and release that beautiful red hair from its prison in the clip and let it fall freely down her shoulders the way he liked it.
"How are you doing?" Clary asked quietly, echoing what Alec had asked him.
Jace shrugged his shoulders. "As good as can be expected I guess," he mumbled kicking at the stone near his foot.
Clary stepped forward and rested her hand on Jace's bicep. A rush of warmth ran through Jace at her touch and his eyes flew up to look at her face in time to see her blushing as well.
"It's not your fault Jace. Don't blame yourself," she said sincerely.
Jace's eyes searched hers, gold meeting green in a fiery passion. "It's not yours either," he whispered.
Clary sucked in a quick breath and stepped back. "Don't be stupid Jace, of course it was my fault. I was the one that was supposed to be stabbed. Max was out there because of me. It was me that Jonathan wanted, not Max." she said tear sliding down her beautiful face.
"But I was the one who made Jonathan mad. He was mad at me, not either of you. I was the one who should have been stabbed."
Jace didn't know what to say. Obviously he could stand there all night and try and convince her that it wasn't her fault, but he could also tell that by the look on her face she wasn't about to believe him anymore than if Jace was to openly admit that he felt no grief towards his lost brother. They both would be lying to themselves and one another.
Instead, he grimaced and reached out to put his arm around Clary's shoulder. At first she tensed when he touched her, but when she saw that he wasn't going to hurt her, she relaxed.
"Come on, let's get in the car, we have to get to the cemetery," he told her as he steered her towards the awaiting car.
He opened the backdoor to the black car for her and climbed in after her closing the door with a thud as Alec from the driver's seat and Isabelle from shotgun turned to look at them.
"Everything alright?" Isabelle asked her eyes clearly on her brother. There were dark lines around her eyes where she had obviously wiped at her eyes to dry the tears, but in the process had smudged her makeup. Jace also noticed with a start that he wasn't the only one with the dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep in the past week. He had noticed it on Alec, and just thought that he and Alec were grieving more than what Izzy and Clary were, but then realised how stupid he was for thinking that when he realised that they covered their dark circles with makeup.
"Yeah, we're good," he said while reaching across the seats to take Clary's hand in his. She looked up and gave him a small smile.
"Ready to go?" Alec asked in a grim voice.
"Yeah," Clary said quietly as Alec pulled out of the park and drove down the street.
The car ride was silent, everyone being lost in their own thoughts, and the mood was too dull to talk anyway.
Jace looked at Clary out of the corner of his eye to see that she had her elbow on the handle of the door and was resting her head on her hand while she gazed miserably out the window. The stupid girl was putting herself through more torment than what she already went through with her father and brother.
With the hand that Jace was already holding he gently began to rub his thumb carefully over her knuckles.
Clary stiffened and turned towards Jace and fixed her bright emerald eyes on his. Jace returned her look steadily and gazed at her in a way a brother shouldn't. there was no need for words as they looked at one another because a blush started to pool in Clary's cheeks as she turned back to the window. But Jace noticed that her breathing was slightly quicker and that she continued to sneak looks at him when she thought he wasn't looking.
Jace grinned. Maybe she did return his feelings after all. He just had to break through the stone wall she kept around herself. Realising this Jace smiled wider. He had always loved a challenge.
They pulled up to the cemetery and Jace held out his hand to help Clary out the car as she stood.
"Thanks," She muttered walking past him to stand on the grass.
He just nodded as he closed the door and joined her on the grass. They watched as Alec and Isabelle got out the car just as the other car that carried Max's body pulled up beside them.
Jace clenched his jaw together as he kept his emotions in check. Beside him he heard a small sound and saw that Clary was crying, as was Isabelle who was tucked under Alec's arm protectively.
Maryse and Robert stood beside the car, Maryse crying as Robert held her in his arms. It was the first time that Jace has seen them like that, Jace mused.
They all gathered around the spot where Max was going to be lowered into the ground and the priest said a few words.
"Maxwell Lightwood was a beloved son of Maryse and Robert and brother of Alec, Isabelle, Jace. He was taken from the world too soon as a mere boy, but now has journeyed on to a new dimension where he will live a new life and move on as he watches over his loved one's left on earth."
The priest paused to look around at the small crowd that had come and his gaze rested on Isabelle and Maryse longer than anyone else.
"May you rest in peace Maxwell. If anyone has any last words, please say them now." The priest once again looked at the Lightwood family.
"We love you dearly Max, and we will miss you," said Maryse as she wiped her tears away with a tissue.
"I love you Maxie," Isabelle whispered.
"I'm sorry," Clary whispered beside him so that only Jace heard her.
He reached out and took Clary's hand in his giving it a gentle squeeze. She looked up at him under her eyelashes that were lined with tears while she bit her lower lip.
'Oh god,' Jace thought as he felt his jeans tightening slightly. 'Get a grip! She's your sister and you are at your brother's funeral for Christ sake!' he thought.
Jace turned his attention back to the ceremony as he saw that they were now lowering Max into the ground. The whole situation hadn't really hit him until that moment that he was losing his little brother – no, had lost his little brother.
He felt an unfamiliar sensation grip his stomach and realised that it was grief. How many people could someone stand to lose in their life before it broke them? Jace had already lost his father and his mother. Now Max? It was almost too much to bear.
Jace, unable to stand there and watched turned around and walked off away from the crowd. He felt a pair of eyes on him and he knew without knowing how that the person was going to follow him, and he didn't mind that. He craved to feel of her touch, the comfort of her words. He felt that he could be himself around her and that she wouldn't mind because she was herself, she was real when she was around him. She wasn't the strong, tough girl that she played around everyone else.
He walked over to a nearby tree and rested his left hand on it as he bent over slightly breathing heavily. He felt the stinging behind his eyes and knew that he was holding back tears that were stubbornly finding their way into his eyes.
"Jace?"
He felt a soft hand on his shoulder gently tugging him to try and get him to turn towards her.
"Go away," he said shortly.
He knew that he sounded harsh to his own ears, and the fact that he directed to the person behind him hurt him more than he could say.
"No."
Jace turned, seeing Clary standing below him on a tree root to try and give her that extra height.
"I mean it Clary, go away." He said.
"I'm not leaving you Jace. You need me."
She wasn't wrong. He needed her in more ways than one. He needed her physically and emotionally. He wanted to hold her close. He wanted to kiss her, and be in bed with her –
Jace quickly pulled himself away from those thoughts and instead focused them back on her.
"Please." He begged.
Behind him, Clary sucked in her breath and he couldn't blame her. Jace never said please to anyone.
"I can't Jace. Just… Let me be there for you, as you were for me several times."
Jace felt himself crumbling. Clary took all his strength away from him and he had nothing left to hold himself up. Jace gasped for breath as he felt the tears he was holding back spill over and roll down his cheeks. He tried his best to try and stay silent by the shaking of his shoulders must have shown Clary the torment that he was feeling for as in the next second she had her tiny arms wrapping around his shoulders.
"Shh, Jace, it will be ok." She cooed him as she ran her hand through his golden locks and wiped some of the tears away from his eyes.
Jace turned unable to hold himself away from her any longer and buried his face in the crook of her neck. The hands that were running up and down Jace's back were sending pleasant shivers down his back and he was unable to hold back a moan of longing. Jace wasn't sure in that moment whether the moan was for the longing of wanting her, or the longing for happiness. Jace hadn't been happy in so long. Jace blinked and looked up so that he met Clary's unflinching eyes. Her eyes were glowing with emotion and if Jace wasn't mistaken… desire. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. It was written all over her face.
Tentatively, Jace reached out to cup her cheeks carefully so he was cradling her face. He was going to see how far she was going to let him go, and how much she wanted him. He stepped forward making her step backwards. He kept doing this until she was pressed up against the tree. Clary's breathing was ragged and shallow. Her eyes were a light with something Jace had never seen before. He had seen pain, fear and uncertainty in her eyes before, but he was not use to seeing happiness, desire and… excitement.
Jace bent forward so his nose ran along her neck and collar bone. If possible, Clary's breath hitched and seemed to be caught in her throat. With a flicker of his eyes to look at her face he saw that her head was angled slightly to the side while her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly ajar. Jace took these as all good signs.
"You should probably, tell me not to do this," Jace whispered against her skin gently kissing the underside of her jaw.
Clary shivered and fisted her hands in the jacket of his suit. She didn't say anything as Jace's mouth moved lower kissing along her collar bone and shoulders.
"Tell me to stop, if you want me to," he breathed kissing up her neck.
"Or now," he murmured against her ear as he took her earlobe between his teeth and gently bit it and tugged on it drawing out a moan from Clary. He grinned with victory, as he treated her carefully, wanting to kiss her and pleasure her, while at the same time not scaring her away. Jace knew that this is the closest that she had even been to a male willingly, so Jace felt as if he was treading around on broken glass.
"Tell me," He breathed as he kissed along her cheek and to the corner of her mouth. "If you want me to stop… just say so baby," He whispered leaning back just enough to look at her eyes for permission.
Clary's cheeks were flushed and her breathing was very irregular as she looped her arms around Jace's neck and brought him down to her lips.
Jace couldn't hold back a groan as she pressed her tiny frame against his rock hard one. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against him. Her skin was so warm and soft against his that Jace felt he was truly going to hell for this. One of Jace's hands on their own accord found their way tangled in her fiery red hair as he released it from the clip and held her close with his other hand on her hip. Jace could feel Clary shaking beneath him, so he took it slow. He kept his lips closed against hers so he was surprised when Clary made the next step and ran her tongue along his lower lip, asking him for permission.
Jace moaned as he let Clary in feeling her in his mouth. She was obviously letting him take the lead as she wasn't sure what to do now, so Jace gently massaged her tongue with his making her moan and quiver below him.
Jace slowed the kiss and slowly pulled back to look at her.
Clary pulled back as well and after a few moments she opened her eyes to look at him and give him a shy smile.
"That was…" She trailed off unable to think of the right words.
"Absolutely amazing," Jace finished for her, making her blush even more.
They were silent for several moments until he broke it.
"Come on, we better go back, I have to sing remember?" He teased taking her hand and leading her out of the trees.
"Jace… W-What do we do now… I mean, we can't be together can we…? Being siblings and all. Oh god, what would every one say if they find out? And my dad, he would be so furious… and Jonathan would be disgusted with me…" she broke off caught up by the fear.
Jace pulled them both to a holt and gripped her gently by her upper arms, shaking her gently until she focused on him.
"Hey, look at me. Everything will be fine. No one has to know. It can be our secret, and I will protect you, now and forever, I promise," Jace said not once looking away from her terrified eyes.
After several seconds Clary sighed and closed her eyes, leaning against Jace and hugging him around his waist. "I believe you, Jace." She breathed.
Jace hugged her to him for a few more minutes before pulling her back to the civilization and let her go so he could make his way up to the stage that had been set up.
He gripped the microphone in front of him and spoke into it.
"Hey, sorry I was gone, I just needed a few minutes to myself…" he broke off looking at Clary as she gave him a small smile. The rest of the crowd nodded knowingly, thinking that the grief was too much for him – which was slightly true.
"Ok, well um, this song I wrote for Max… So, I hope you like it Maxie," He added quietly.
He turned and picked up the electric guitar that was behind him and hung it around his shoulder, adjusting it until it was just right for him.
He nodded at the band members behind him which he had practised the song with in the past week. The drummer tapped his drum sticks together four times so then the band started together.
Then, Jace started to sing, but before he did he closed his eyes, letting the lyrics of the song take him over.
Hey there now, where'd you go
You left me here so unexpected
You changed my life, I hope you know
cause now I'm lost, So unprotected
In a blink of an eye
I never got to say goodbye
Like a shooting star
Flyin' across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You're part of me And I'll never be
The same here without you
You were gone too soon
You were always there and like shining light
on my darkest days you were there to guide me
Oh I miss you now, I wish you could see
Just how much your memory
Will always mean to me
In a blink of an eye
I never got to say goodbye
Like a shooting star
Flyin' across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You're part of me, And I'll never be
The same here without you
You were gone too soon
Shine on! Shine on!
To a better place
Shine on! Shine on!
Will never be the same
Like a shooting star
Flyin' across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You're part of me
And I'll never be
The same here without you
You were gone too soon
Shine on! Shine on!
You were gone too soon
Shine on! Shine on!
You were gone too soon
Shine on! Shine on!
You were gone too soon
After several moments Jace opened his eyes, immediately finding Clary in his line of sight. He saw that she had tears glistening on her cheeks but she wore a hypnotised smile. Jace smiled back at her despite the ache in his chest.
Clary had gone to school the day after the funeral but Jace, and the other Lightwood's took the rest of the week off. Despite being lonely and on edge for the rest of the week, Clary was excited. Jace was coming over to her house after school because Valentine and Jonathan wouldn't be home. That would give them the whole afternoon to talk about what happened at funeral. Clary was sitting on the couch when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Smiling Clary got up and opened the door. she had a grin plastered on her face and she expected to see Jace, but all she saw was a blur. Her mouth dropped open, not sure in what she wanted to say, but ended up screaming as she was pushed up against the wall and held her as the door closed softly behind the person. The persons hand clamped over her mouth stifling her scream as they leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"Calm down Red, it's just me. I didn't know my presence could make you scream like that," The voice that she loved said cockily.
Clary breathed as she tried to catch her breath back and get it to a regular pace again. "You're a dick."
Jace chuckled but let her go, placing his hands on her hips. "Mmm, baby, I have one. Wanna test it out?" He winked at her.
Clary scoffed and pushed him off him, and he let her. "Jace, what we did was wrong and can never happen again." She said flatly turning away from him.
Before Clary could turn away Jace snaked out and grabbed her wrist lightly bringing her back to him. "You don't mean that do you?"
Clary bit her lip and glanced away. "It's the way it has to be Jace."
She looked up as Jace let go of her wrist to find him looking at her with a hurtful expression. For several seconds both of them said nothing until Jace spoke.
"It-It's not because you're afraid of me is it Clary? Because you know I could never hurt you." he said sincerely.
"I-I know Jace, but we-we're siblings, we – we can't…"
"We could. No one has to know…"
"Jace…" Clary whispered.
"You love me don't you?" Jace asked sounding slightly desperate now as he pulled her towards him again and put his hands on her hips.
"I – well, I can't – I mean, I couldn't-" Clary stuttered.
"What's wrong?" Jace asked concerned, brushing his knuckles against her cheek lightly.
"I can't love. It will hurt," She whimpered into his chest.
"No, it won't Clary. Not everyone in life hurts you." Jace soothed running his hands up and down her back.
"I know. But we still can't Jace. It-It's forbidden."
Jace smirked. "If it's forbidden that you're worried about. You could… forbid me to do things." He suggested with a wink.
The thought of his words both excited and disgusted Clary. Shaking her head she pushed him off her just as there was a knock at the door.
Jace frowned. "Were you expecting someone?"
Clary shared his frown, shaking her head. "No, not a soul. It could be Magnus though I suppose…" She said weakly as she made her way to the door.
"Do you want me to? In case it is someone else?" Jace asked.
Clary smiled kindly at him. "It's fine Jace. You don't need to worry." She soothed but the forming knot in her stomach suggested otherwise.
"Ok," Jace sighed, but despite his defeat he still followed her to the door.
Clary shook her head at him as she unlocked the door and opened it. who she saw on the other side made her hand slip on the door almost making her fall forward as her legs went numb.
"Mum?!" Clary asked in disbelief.
Jocelyn Fray, Luke Garroway, and another woman stood with them on the front porch. Her mother looked at Clary as if she was star struck and lost all abilities to talk. After an awkward throat clearance from Luke her mother snapped back to life.
"Clary…" she breathed stepping forward to embrace her daughter after ten long years. However Clary moved backwards and stumbled into Jace who wrapped his arms around her protectively.
"What are you doing here?" Clary asked bewildered.
"We need to talk Clary." Jocelyn said taking a step forward, but Clary gripped the door, stopping her from entering.
"You don't call, you didn't write, you never visited in a time when I needed you the most. So you better have a bloody good reason for wanting to talk to me now." Clary snarled.
Jocelyn nodded. "I understand that when I left I probably hurt you-" Jocelyn started but was cut off by Clary.
"No mum, you didn't hurt me. You let me get hurt. You left me unprotected and vulnerable to being hurt. Why didn't you take me with you all those years ago? You probably think I was too young to remember. But I remember everything. So why did you leave?" Clary snapped.
"I didn't want to leave, or to leave you Clary. But I was unhappy, and I didn't have a choice-"
"You always had a choice!"
"I wanted to come back so you can move away with me!" Jocelyn yelled back. Everyone else just stood there watching the two women, too terrified to interrupt.
"You want me to what?!" Clary demanded as she started to shake.
"I want you to move back to Brooklyn with me."
Alec Lightwood sat on the park bench of Central Park watching as numerous kids ran past him screaming and playing with one another. Others were swinging on swings, and there were some that were just walking through. Alec had been looking at the ground being lost in thought when he felt someone sit beside him.
"Why didn't you call me back?"
Alec looked up to find the most breath-taking man he had ever seen. Magnus Bane sat next to him. His cat green eyes focused on him as he eyed Alec from head to foot.
"You look like shit," He added as he appraised the boy.
Alec huffed. "Well, not everyone can look as sexy as you all the time. And also, my brother just died. Give me a break," He snapped, not meaning to sound so harsh.
Magnus was silent for several moments. "I'm sorry," he said eventually.
Something in his tone made Alec look up to meet his eyes. "For what?"
"For… everything." Magnus huffed with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm sorry for your brother, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and I'm just… sorry."
Alec looked at the man with amazement. No one had ever said they were sorry to him ever, and no one had ever insisted on him calling them back. "Don't be," He croaked.
Magnus reached out to tentatively grip his hand. He softly ran his thumb over Alec's knuckles and ran his fingers up and down Alec's arm, making him shudder.
"But I am." He whispered.
Alec bit his lower lip as he focused his gaze on their joined hands as he spoke. "I didn't call back because I was afraid."
Magnus drew in a deep breath. "Afraid of what?"
"Of loving. Of being in love. Of being with someone of the same sex. Of being judged. Of being despised. Of being hated. But most of all, being rejected."
Magnus reached out and gripped Alec's chin bringing it up to his face so he could meet Alec's eyes unflinching. "I could never reject you Alexander. And as for the rest, I will be there for you. Your family and friends won't care. They will still love you for who you are."
Alec grimaced. "You don't know my dad then. He thinks that all homosexuals are abnormal and should be sent to hell. If he ever found out that I was gay he would kick me out of home and probably never talk to me again." Alec explained bitterly.
"Well isn't it good that I live on my own in my apartment?" Magnus mused. Alec just looked at him. "But you don't have to tell them now of course. We can do that together when you are ready."
Alec beamed. "You mean it?" He asked trying to keep the hope out of his voice.
"I promise." Magnus confirmed slipping his hands up onto Alec cheeks and bringing his face towards his.
Alec's breath caught as Magnus brushed his lips against his own. Alec reached out to grip Magnus's shoulders bringing him closer towards him. Magnus lifted Alec so that he was lying across Magnus's lap so he could deepen the kiss and push his tongue into Alec's mouth.
Alec felt the moan in his throat more than what he heard it and fisted his hands in Magnus's glittery gelled hair.
Slowly they pulled back and Magnus rested his forehead against Alec's, both of them breathing heavily.
"What do you say Alexander? Be mine?" Magnus asked breathlessly.
Alec chuckled. "I was already yours." He said simply.
Ok… What do you think? You got an exclusive look at Clace and Malec… both a hot makeout sesh haha ;P and I'm thinking of putting Sizzy together in this story, but I dont know how it will play out because Simon isnt friends with Clary at the moment... let me know if you think I should!
Do me a favour and review? I will love you forever ;P and if I am feeling nice and you review I may start to deal out sneak peeks tofthe next chapter ;D
Question of the day: What was it that attracted you to read my story and what do you like the most about it? :)
~Until next time lovelies xoxo
