Part 3 for my series: Hopes for a Bastard!

Part 1 for Hopes for a Bastard: Give Me Back My Mind!

Part 2 for Hopes for a Bastard: Rock Meet Bottom


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I Do Not Own DC Comics, Movies/TV, or Animation


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Ghosts of Christmas Past...

There was one thing Roy knew from his meetings and the program, and that was:

All It Took Was One Drink.

Four years of sobriety had gone down the fucking tubes because of his cockiness, and his belief that maybe four years ago, while he had definitely had a drug problem, he might not have been an alcoholic. Twenty-five, he hadn't had a sip of alcohol since he'd gotten clean, and damnit! He didn't think it was just one drink.

He was wrong.

Roy would admit to that as he sat there feeling like he'd been ran over by a freight train.

Thankfully the drugs had been a later aspect of his relapse, otherwise he was pretty sure he'd be dead right now. Not that he didn't feel dead now that he was awake and alert. There was an I.V. in, no doubt administering something to him like Methadone to take the edge (he'd gone cold turkey last time and that had nearly fucking killed him). Still, he felt like fucking shit now that he was fully awake and aware of his situation.

The wisdom of coming to the Bats for his detox was not lost on him now that the first haze of detox was over. For one, with all the shit that went down in Gotham and all the shit they did for Gotham, they were equipped to handle a full-on detox, from anything. For another thing, it meant he was safe, no triggers here, like Ollie, but shit this sucked. Closing his eyes, he took a pained, steadying breath, his mind's eye replayed Thea falling, and he gasped as he bolted out of that moment to see Raven, and Jason (so that hadn't been a hallucination?) walking in.

"What is it Dick?" Raven's monotone was level, even, it was soothing, refreshing, and very comforting to him as he looked at the empath demon who stood there with her appearance of apathy. That's what he had liked about Raven the first time he'd been getting sober. She didn't judge. Jason's glare on the other hand, Roy knew he'd done something or said something of great offense to the young man. What he didn't know.

"Wally is coming so lets wait a few," Dick said and Roy winced. Now he'd also have to face Wally? This wasn't fair.

Then again, he looked at the I.V. with trepidation, he'd fucked up. He'd fucked up big time.

"Should he be here? He is not a Titan and glaring at Roy," the Amazon spoke, and Roy looked over at Jason tiredly, the younger man had perched himself near the door, and on a chair turned backwards, Roy noticed that he also had a line of sight of everything in the room and the fastest exit. But more than that there was a glare in those eyes, bright green glare, it wasn't natural, and Roy couldn't find it in him to care about it.

"I'm with Raven so if she says go I'll leave," Jason spat out.

"Control yourself, and you can stay," Raven's monotone sliced through them all. "And that includes you, Donna, you have not agreed to be a Titan just yet either, so do not think you are entitled to stay."

"Let's everyone calm down," Kori said cutting through the arguments. Roy was kind of glad then that his friend were here, even if he didn't want them to see him like this; again.

"I can control myself," Jason muttered.

"Stay," he slurred tiredly. It'd be best if they all just stayed. It would make it easier. Afterwards he'd ask Dick and Wally a few things, but not much, he was tired, and his head was killing him. Raven walked over to him, her indifference revealing nothing.

"Do you need anything while we wait for Wally?" she asked.

"No," he muttered. "I fucked up, didn't I?"

"Yes," she answered sitting with him. He saw Jason's eyes narrow from the corner of his eye, and the way the Amazon tensed, Dick joined them then.

"We're going to take care of you, Roy, you and Lian, there's nothing to worry about," Dick said reassuringly.

"No mother hen," he muttered lightly trying to push Dick away, but his friend grinned.

"Sorry I'm late, I got caught of in traffic," Wally said walking in.

"Hey Wally," Roy tiredly greeted the speedster.

"Damn Roy, when you fall off the wagon, you fall off the wagon," Wally unhelpfully commented.

"Be kind, Wally," Kori chided.

Roy reached out and caught Raven's hand; he'd been trying to grab Dick for attention but he had the empath. She turned her dark gaze on him as she waited a moment. He knew she was patiently waiting for him to gather his thoughts, his strength as his headache bloomed harder and with more ferocity.

"What is it Roy?" Raven prompted when the talking finally ceased. Roy blinked see Jason a shadow behind Raven

"I think I betrayed the Titans," he said again.

There was noise.

"Shut The Fuck Up!" Jason roared, Roy winced as it felt like Jason's voice was a knife stabbing him in the center of his brow then.

"Start at the beginning," Dick prompted. Roy licked his lips feeling like they were dry, as he closed his eyes on the too bright light now.

"Last year, the CIA approached me to go undercover into a super villains assassins group. They knew about Jade and I's history and wanted to use it," Roy said softly.

"Dude I told you not to do that!" Wally snapped at him.

"Shut up or I'll pitch your ass out in the snow," Jason snapped.

"How about you save the pissing competition and grudge match for later or I'll knock both your heads together!" Raven snapped turning her attention onto Jason. Roy had never heard Raven threaten anyone with bodily harm before, it was startling.

"Continue Roy," Dick encouraged.

"I did it, I went undercover, I just… Dick I got in over my head," he whispered.


"You gotta hear this," her annoying would-be-suitor called from his set up. She rolled her eye as she stood from where she was looking over the latest information she had collected to go speak with the annoyance. She frowned with distaste at his work area.

"What?" she barked.

The man turned those warm brown eyes of his on her then. "Well, I've found a transmission, I think you're going to want to hear it," he offered her the headset.

With some reluctance she took it from him as she put it to her ear.

"My informant in the Titans will find the information we need." She recognized that voice as she felt the family fire of fury and hatred fill her.

"He must be found," an unknown male voice said.

"He will be," a woman spoke.

"He only escaped because you have grown soft on him," the unknown male accused.

"I had him under control!"

"There might be another way," her father spoke.

"And what's your solution? You have a mole in the Titans." The woman spat.

"I have a way to dispose of the problem without it tying to us," her father said evenly. Her eye widened at this, for her father was not one to like having no ties.

"And your solution?"

"I need to call in a favor. I'll be in Gotham."

She pulled the headset away.

"When was this?" she asked.

"Last night, but it might not be anything," the hacker started.

"Move," she shoved his rolling chair away from the consoles as she rapidly typed in a program to find what she needed. She found it and she was up and moving as she grabbed her coa.

"Where are you going?" her companion called out frantically.

"To meet someone," she answered pulling her silver hair free of her coat as she looked at him. "You have plenty of supplies, I will return soon. Stay. Put."

"Wait!" he shouted.

"You're safe, my father does not know you are here, and all the traps are set, stay inside," she said as she walked out before he could continue his protests. Locking the door she engaged all her traps as she walked out and arranged for transportation to Gotham. It was time to see an old frienemy/fuck buddy. Who knew, perhaps when all this was over she'd finally beat him and get a good fucking in the process. Pulling a cigarette she lit it and continued walking through the damp cold that was Dublin.

She was going to stop her father and whatever the hell it was he was doing, one way or another. That was her mission.

Stopping at another safehouse she looked around and chuckled seeing something he'd forgotten the last time they'd encountered. Perhaps he'd want this back; after she kicked his ass.

Picking up the black leather jacket she tossed it in her duffle as she went about collecting the supplies that she needed. Once she was set and had transportation arranged she strolled out of the discarded safehouse then.


Jason folded his arms as he leaned against the massive bed post, Raven's threat was not to be taken lightly if she was in a threatening mood. So he would settle for glaring at Wally and Roy; two people who had made their hatred of him known the first time around with Dick, and they'd made his life miserable. However, he was here because Raven was his friends and honestly he wanted to find reasons not to act on his impulse of punching Roy in the face.

Thus far he wasn't finding any, and add in the speedster, Jason really wanted to tear something apart.

"The mission was to get close to Jade, she's working with Deathstroke and a guy called Prometheus, I don't think anyone knows his real name. He's like the anti-Batman though," Roy said softly.

Mentally Jason started sifting through all his known associates for Deathstroke. As far as he knew there wasn't one which was the antichrist for Bats.

"His name is Prometheus, that's the only name I got from him, and he's the most dangerous one, Dick," Roy whispered that part.

Jason scowled. After years of dealing with Deathstroke and the League of Assassins he had a fairly good list of both their allies and their enemies. Then again, there'd been that year with Ducra, which he needed to take into consideration because that was the year he'd been cut off from the world with only Talia giving him information on the outside world. Information he trusted about as far as he could throw Talia. Still, that year was an information blank as he'd been training and plotting at the time.

"I met him four months ago, I wasn't on heroine then," he said.

"Just drunk," Jason deduced.

"Lay off man!" Wally snapped at him.

"No, he's right, I was drunk," Roy said tiredly. "I was stupid, I was arrogant, and I took the first drink and it fell from there. Prometheus had the drugs, I resisted for as long as I could. But it was always there, and I just wanted to make it all stop! Make everything stop! I wanted to go home, call it quits on the mission. But they were talking of nukes."

"Nukes?" Kori spoke up then.

"Weapons of mass destruction," Jason filled in for her. "They're as powerful as you on a berserk rage Princess," he finished when she didn't seem to understand. The understanding dawned on her face at the analogy.

It wasn't surprising to him that the Titans would be unaware of Nukes and shit, it was doubtful the Justice League even paid them any attention. Both of their organizations had been formed for battling monsters and evils that normal folks could not handle. Like the Darksied invasion (he wasn't an idiot, he had google). Some things the Almighty UN were just not prepared for. And that's where the Titans and Justice League stepped in. That, and they were good faces for diplomatic purposes. Glancing at Raven Jason snorted at the mere thought of the demoness being a diplomat. She wasn't the type.

"And how does this mean you betrayed the Titans?" Raven asked.

"I think they've got all your files," he whispered. "I remember the first time, I didn't shoot up myself, I just… He was there, and I remember a needle, I remember him asking about the Titans, and what was needed to beat them. And I just… I don't remember, I think I talked. Deathstroke knew all about Raven, and you, Dick, but he spoke of a possible mole in the Titans. I can't remember though."

"That's alright," Raven and Dick assured their friend simultaneously.

Jason frowned at this. It wasn't alright, in fact it was far from all right. He had a hunch that if Deathstroke had a mole in the Titans then he knew more than the Bats. But him knowing about Raven, that had Jason lifting a brow at Raven when she glanced over at him.

She shook her head so he suspected he'd be filled in on that little tidbit of information later.

"Who was the mole?" Jason demanded when nobody seemed willing to address the issue of the mole.

"For all we know you could be the mole," Wally spat out.

"Wally!" Kori and Dick snapped at the speedster.

"Enough!" Raven snapped furiously.

"No, no names, he called the mole his informant." Roy shook his head.

Jason nodded as he stood up straight to leave, it appeared that once again his project would be on the back burner, he didn't need that, but he didn't want to deal with one of the idiot Bats getting hurt because of Deathstroke. And clearly Deathstroke wasn't abiding to their deal. Jason would say he was surprised, but honestly, he wasn't, especially knowing just how ideal a Bat was to the right mercenary. If brainwashed (he could attest that it was possible because everyone broke eventually) the Bats would be no exception. And once properly broken there would be highly trained, highly focused, extremely motivated Bats on the loose against the world. Something he knew from his own experience to be very dangerous.

"Where are you going?" Wally demanded.

"Does it matter, you have a mole issue, I'm not a Titan," Jason shrugged walking out of room.

He made it to Raven's room and fell on the bed as he savored the peace.

Moles were a problem, it was part of why he stuck to being alone. However, he was aware of the last time the Titans had a mole in their ranks and the fallout from that (it was shortly after his dip in the Lazarus Pit). No, he didn't know the whole story about it, but he knew enough. That enough was what had him stealing Dickhead's suit in the first place. That and Deathstroke's stalker tendencies. Jason didn't like it when people fucked with his family, even if they weren't his family anymore.

He sat up when Raven walked in; he guessed he'd taken a power nap because his eyes felt thick as he rubbed them over.

"Roy?" he asked.

"He's going to be fine, Dick's arranging a bed for him up at a treatment facility in upstate New York," she said as she sat on the bed then.

"Good, the mole?" he started.

"About six years, or five, Tara came to us, she didn't want us to know that she didn't have control of her powers when joining. Dick accidentally called her on that, by offering to help train her; we did not know what the problem was, but she hurt and ran off. In the time she had run off Slade had gotten a hold of her, and then molded her to be his mole. She died trying to kill him," Raven answered monotonously.

"You mean the rock flinging bitchy chick?"

"Yes."

"She was dead?"

"As a rock," Raven said solemnly.

"So how's that bitch alive?"

"I worked on reversing her state of stone, she had died because she had encased herself in stone when she summoned the power to break the cave. It took a lot of work, but my empathy detected her life force, and I worked from there," Raven said levelly.

"This is the crazy blonde back at the Tower who tried to smash you with a rock, right?"

"Yes."

"Why the fuck would you bring that back!?" he sputtered.

"Because she made a friend of mine happy, and she was young, she did not deserve to die for being manipulated and hurt by an older man who wanted her only for her power. She did not deserve that. Also, she was happy to be back," Raven said softly.

Jason blinked at this and he thought back to when they were younger and dumber, before Raven had come crashing into his life. There'd been rumors in the Super's World that Raven was dating Beast Boy, who was currently dating the blonde psycho.

"You brought her back for him, you loved him?" Jason deduced rapidly as he looked at his friend.

"At one point, I did, now he's an obnoxious little brother," Raven shrugged. Jason didn't pry, he didn't want to pry that can of worms with Raven open. Somethings were better left untouched.

"So who do you think is the mole?"

"I don't know, and frankly I'm too tired to hunt down a mole," Raven sighed.

"And you're powerless."

"That too," she nodded. "Also, I'm not really the best one to find the mole. I don't trust easily so if I know someone is going to betray me and my friends I will hunt them down, and I will hurt them in some of the most painful ways I know."

Jason nodded then. "Fair enough."

She looked every bit the demon she was then. The ferocity in her gaze, she was a demon then, a possessive demon too. He had never known her to be more dangerous than what she'd do to defend her friends and family.


"Hey wanna go grab that slice?" Jason spoke after a while of companionable silence.

"You should go with Dick or Tim," she said.

"No, I'm asking you, and you own me a slice."

"I do?"

"And a real talk about those papers," he said quietly.

"Fine, but we're taking a car," she groaned.

"Spoil sport," he muttered.

"You do know you're going to have to actually spend time with your family, right?" Raven said as she picked up one of Jason's discarded hoodies and tugged it on. Seriously, why did guys get all the good clothes? It was so warm, and comfy!

"Not right now, Rae," he muttered.

"Are you seriously that focused on the papers?" Raven asked tiredly as she braided her hair loosely. It was getting long now, she was wondering if she should cut it or not. A problem for later, once she had her boots tugged on she was up and ready to go with Jason.

"And it's not just the papers," he muttered as he got the door.

"What else is there?" she asked.

"We haven't talked lately, and I kind of miss it," he said.

"We talk all the time."

"Just you and I, sunshine," he clarified. She blinked at this and then it dawned on her that in about three weeks it hadn't been just her and Jason. Normally they just met up and hung out, went to the park, went to a café, watched Deadpool or something, but they hadn't had a chance to do that lately. First there'd been everything with Waller (who Raven needed to retrieve from Hell once her powers were back), and then they'd been stuck with his family. Now Roy and Wally were here, and Raven could see that it was greatly agitating Jason, all the people here must have been pushing his stress and his limits after being alone. Sometimes she forgot this as she had grown so used to his company and she was more than used to all his brothers being around her all the time.

"It has been sometime," she said nonchalantly.

"That is has, and the seal's broke so we're going to go get a beer and a slice," he decided.

"I won't be drinking, but you can have the beer if I get to drive us back."

"You do know I can't get drunk, or buzzed, right?"

"Then why do you drink?"

"It's the principle of these things, that and it tastes good," he said as he helped her with her coat.

She just rolled her eyes at his as she stuffed her hands in her hands in her pockets. "I do not see the appeal."

"Have you never been drinking, little bird?" he snickered.

"Infinate Cosmic Power, itty bitty freedom!" she mimicked the Genie then.

"We'll resolve this, later though, no public drinking for you," he decided.

Raven mocked outrage then as they walked into the garage. "Don't think I can hold my liquor?"

"No, but I don't think I should get you drunk where you could be vulnerable," he said smartly.

"You really think you can get me drunk?"

"Absolutely, you have no powers, so there's no reason not to try it out once!" he declared.

Raven mulled this over in her mind. She had never had the chance to do normal teenage things, getting drunk, being wild, having sex, or just being free. She'd never had that. True, she had tried to have sex a few times, wondering what that would feel like; if it'd be like what the books and her friends described or not. But it just didn't appear to be in her cards as her empathy freaked guys out. And the few times she and Garfield had tried to have sex, he'd always been freaked out by her empathy so she didn't think those few making out sessions, and his hand under her blouse counted as anything but awkward pawing.

Jason got the car door for her then and Raven slipped in quietly.

"So, what do you say, cut back and live a little for the two resurrected people?" he grinned deviously.

"No sex, no drugs, I will try drinking, and I will join you in safe antics, nothing that's going to get me shot, or my neck broken, and you spend time with your brothers in exchange," she offered.

"You drive a hard bargain."

"Just say yes, Jason, you want your brothers, and I'm willing to join you in being a wild youth while my powers are out and I can't destroy cosmos," she said sincerely.

"I've been wondering about that, could you really do that? destroy cosmos, I mean," he clarified as they drove down the drive then.

"I've never tested the full extent of my powers. I don't want to," she said sharply when he looked curious about that. "I know though, that if I were to want to alter reality, warp time, and bend the cosmos, I could, I can… feel?... it. I don't know, it's just, it's like I can feel the whole energy, the worlds' lifes, it's a force, it pulses around me, into my blood. I can feel the push and the pulls of the different magics, and the multiverse, I sense time differently. It's just a lot of different senses. It's like having ten senses rather than just taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell, it's a whole other list of senses I feel.

"Azar taught me to center myself, so I didn't lose myself to the cosmos I could feel, to anchor and ground my soul. I still feel it all, but I'm able to block it out, like it's white noise.

"And I'm not going to test my powers, fully, ever, Jason. I sired from a powerful demon, and a woman who had magic in her blood. What I can do, fully, is an unknown, but I'm not sure I want to find out. I have my immediate powers, and my magic, and I prefer those to the others I might have. I do not want to be a monster, I don't want to be my father's daughter. I want to be my mother's daughter.

"My mother believed in love, and will, she believed in life, and I want to be like her. I do not want to be Trigon's pet, his door, or his tool. So whatever else I might be able to do, or not do, I do not wish to know because I don't want to destroy everything." She spoke softly and she didn't look at her friend as she stared at the passing road. She didn't want to be a monster. She didn't want to be Trigon's daughter.

"Well then, I think you're off to a good start," Jason's voice cut through her thoughts. Turning in her seat a bit she looked at him carefully. "You're not a monster Rae, farthest thing from it, and trust me I know some real monsters. So, I think you're doing fine."

"You're not a monster either," she assured him firmly.

"Then we're good, time for a slice and I'll drive you around Gotham for a bit," he smiled at her.

"Sounds like a plan, and tonight we can kick everyone out and watch something, like Deadpool, or that American Assassin movie. I just finished the book, I must admit I liked the way Rapp thought things out," Raven pondered as she remembered the Vince Flynn book he'd shoved at her and demanded her to read.

"I liked that, a lot actually," he admitted. "It's relatable for me," he defended swiftly.

"Going to pick apart why it's not like the book?" Raven chuckled.

"They did modernize it," he admitted.

"Oh Azar forbid," she chuckled.

"Do not mock me! This is why I don't do movies!" he defended.

"One Word: Deadpool."

"It's the exception."

"Have you started that book, the Martian?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's interesting, I'm not sure that's how we'd get to Mars, but so far, it's well thought out and well written," he shrugged.

"We do planet hops all the time."

"Yeah, with alien tech, and that's not shared. Not really. Humans are still working on it," he pointed out.

"True," she agreed.

"And this is sci-fantasy as he did not count the fact Mars is full of White Martians."

"True. I wonder if Edgar Rice Burroughs would like knowing his world was the closest to what Mars is really like," she wondered.

"That's a good curiosity," he agreed.

"I wonder what it was like back then," she mused thoughtfully.

"Different," he answered. She chuckled at that statement as she looked at the city. They pulled up to the curb and Jason was out of the car getting her door.

"Why thank you," she mused as she took his offered arm.

"You're welcome, my Queen," he grabbed the other door for her. she shook her head in exasperation at the nickname again.


Her hand trembled as she stared at the headlines, and she felt her eyes widen.

It wasn't possible! It wasn't!

And yet, she stared at the article and felt her heart stutter as she bit her lip. He was alive! He was Alive!

She didn't know if she wanted to scream for joy or rush to him to make amends.

Nearly seven years ago, Batman had pulled her from the rubble, Jason's body had shielded her from a brunt of the explosion. But Jason was most certainly dead. He hadn't survived. She had barely survived herself, if Batman hadn't given her immediate, emergency care she'd have perished out in Ethiopia. Even then though, she had suffered.

She had known she would suffer physically, the rehab, the burns to heal, the pain. But she hadn't expected the guilt.

God she had felt terrible about it all!

The boy had trusted her, had looked at her with understanding, and love, and compassion and she'd betrayed him. She had betrayed him because when she looked at him she could see Willis, she could see the man who had ruined her life!

Oh, she knew that wasn't true, if she looked closely she could see a lot of herself in the teenager. He'd had her father's eyes, her curls, he had her grandfather's mouth, and her mother's dimples. He just had a lot of Willis in him too. The teen had been an odd mix of features. He hadn't looked the traditional handsome at all, in face she'd have said he wasn't handsome at all. But there was something about him, that had held promise.

And she'd destroyed that!

Now, now she could try to right this wrong. To rid herself of the guilt. She'd never expected that drowning guilt which would weigh her down so much that some days she couldn't move.

She'd sold her son to the Joker. He'd been brutally beaten and she hadn't lifted a finger to save him.

And yet, even at the end of the assault he had tried to save her.

Shelia dropped what she was doing at her clinic as she walked out of the tent to make arrangements to head to Gotham.

Just to see if it was him, and if it was…

God she wanted to fix her relationship with him. To try to right her wrong to him, she just… she wanted to try. She needed to try. She had to hope that she could apologize to him.

Then she paused, she had remembered the look on his father's face when she had tried to apologize. Biting her lip she closed her eyes.

She would have to break her word to his father, she'd need to, if she wanted Jason back, she'd have to brave Gotham. And Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Looking back on it now she supposed Jason had been more like Bruce than he'd been like Willis. She'd just been so hurt, scared, and furious that she hadn't seen that then and she'd wanted to hurt Willis for ruining her life.

In the process, she had thought she had killed her only child.

She needed to fix this.


That's all for now folks.

Enjoy Holiday Express Shipping =)