Operation chapter 7. truth described.
"What? No, that's not possible... the baby gave you cancer?"
Brennan lowered her head and stared longingly at her stomach. She was quiet for a long time before she spoke. "No, I guess you're right. The fetus couldn't have given me cancer. I guess I just assumed that one gave me the other." She took a deep breath and continued. "The fetus died after fourteen weeks, mostly because somewhere during the meiosis process when its organs would form something went wrong. The doctors told me it wasn't even considered a baby so I shouldn't be so-" Brennan thought about how to finish her little ramble, but couldn't think of any word that didn't sound cold or cruel. That's when Booth stepped in.
"Shh, Bones it's okay. What kind of cancer is it?"
"For lack of a better word the doctor here calls it endometrial cancer. They discovered it when they performed the cesarean section on me... Booth?"
"Yeah?"
"Did my cancer kill my baby?"
"Aw no Bones! These things are just coincidences, nothing more." He pulled her into another hug, but she lay limply in his arms. She was definitely blaming herself for her child's death and it almost killed him to see her doing that to herself.
They never spoke of it again. Booth remained silent, giving his friend much needed time to grieve. The next day they stayed in the hospital only long enough for Brennan's doctor to run the necessary tests and to make an appointment to start chemotherapy. Then they signed the release papers.
(--)
Booth knew that something was still incredibly wrong when his very opinionated partner didn't even question the need to put her in a wheelchair. She just let herself be rolled out the doors and lifted into Booth's SUV. He glanced at her from time to time or just kept and eye on her from his peripheral vision, but she never once moved. She hardly even blinked, let alone breathe. She was a shell.
When they reached his house he opened her door, and predicting that she wouldn't move he slid his arms around her and lifted her out of the car. There were no objections, she just wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his muscled chest.
The lights were off when they walked through the front door and Booth didn't bother turning them on, only walking over to the couch. Dumping her bags on the floor as he went, the thuds echoing down the hall to his bedroom. He lowered himself and Brennan onto the cushions and settled in. She, never looking up, let out another sob. The crying just wouldn't stop for his Bones and Booth wasn't sure how he was supposed to help her.
He let her cry it out, waiting several hours before shifting to a more comfortable position when he was sure she was asleep. Then after awhile of staring into the dark he too started to dream.
(--)
The next morning Booth awoke to clanging from the kitchen. A wonderful aroma filled his nose and a smile spread across his lips, then he remembered. His life wasn't happy at the moment, Bones's life was horrible, and everything was miserable. Rubbing his sore neck he yawned and opened his tired eyes to find himself wrapped in the large blanket that was usually folded across the arm of the couch. Bones must have wrapped us up in it last night... what time is it?
Walking into the kitchen he witnessed something he had never seen before. His partner, Dr. Temperance Brennan, was cooking. Sure he had seen her make coffee before, and sure he had seen her make a salad. But never before had he seen her use a stove. He wasn't even use she knew how to use a microwave sometimes, but here she was, making bacon and eggs and toast right before his eyes. Seeming to sense his presence Brennan turned around.
"Breakfast is almost ready." Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were blood shot and puffy but none of that mattered to Booth because at that moment she was the most beautiful thing he could have ever imagined. A small smile spread across eachother's face at exactly the same time and they walked over to each other and the hug that embarrassed both of them warmed their hearts.
"Thanks Bones."
He received a nod from the woman in his arms and he stepped away just in time for her to miss his lips and plant a firm kiss on his cheek instead. She scurried away almost as soon as she did it and it left Booth breathless. She sent a plate down on the table and he sat in front of it starting to eat. Brennan sat down next to him. At first it was awkward, but after a bit of small talk they got to really talking. Booth was suspicious at first but after awhile he eased up a bit, from the way they were talking it seemed like his old Bones was back to stay... until he asked her something that sent her back into her protective shell.
"So... when do you want to go back home?" It was a passing question, he hadn't ment for her to really think about it. He didn't mind that she was living with him, but when she didn't answer he set his fork down and sent a glance her way. She was sitting, staring down at her half eaten food and her eyes were somewhere far away.
"Bones?" His voice brought her back from wherever it was that she went.
"Sorry, but do you think I could stay here for awhile? I don't really want to go back just yet." He could tell it was a lie but as he took a sip of his coffee he decided he would let it slide.
"Sure, but we're going to have to get you some things from your apartment later." She nodded and went back to pushing her food around her plate.
A few hours later, outside of Brennan's apartment Booth fit the key into the lock and deadbolt and turned. The door opened without any trouble and walking through the door he was greeted with memories he had forgotten he had. Happy memories, bad memories, angry moments, frightening moments. It was all in his head, stored away to bring out when he wanted to reminisce. Today though he was thinking about what had happened just a few minutes before, some three stories below.
Booth had just pulled into Brennan's parking garage and was about to pull her out to go up with him when she stopped him.
"Booth, please go without me. I can't go up there yet."
He had just given her a nod and taken the key that she held out. She didn't even tell him what to get, he just left her there. Now walking into her room a sense of embarrassment came over him. One glance at the messy bed told him that that must have been where the 'deed' was done. This room was why his Bones couldn't come up here. This room reminded her of when she was pregnant.
Grabbing a suitcase out of the closet Booth started piling clothes inside. He never looked over at the bed again.
Anything he thought his partner would need went into a suitcase, clothes, toiletries, shoes, everything. He didn't want her coming up to that room unless she was ready. He gathered the bags in his hands, took one last long look around her living room which still didn't have a television and walked out the door. He turned the key in the lock and deadbolt making sure each was secure, then turned and started down the hallway. He never looked back.
(--)
That's how it went for the next three months. Brennan stayed at Booth's. They took turns sleeping on the couch and bed. That deal having stemmed from a particularly long argument over Chinese takeout. After the worst part of that argument Booth had came up with that compromise. He would have felt better if she had slept in Parker's room, he had even told her that but she had blatantly refused. So now he had to suffer with a bed that smelled like the woman he loved.
Every night that he slept in his cold bed he thought of her out in the next room, sometimes he would wake up from a dream about her and smell her fruity shampoo. Reaching out he would find himself wide awake with nothing but air in his arms. Disappointed he would fall back into a fitfull sleep.
A compromise of sorts was also made for when Parker came for Booth's rare weekends. Brennan insisted that every trace of her be erased, so she hid what she could and packed up what she couldn't and would travel to Angela's to stay with her. Having not mentioned to anyone other than Booth that she wasn't living in her apartment anymore Brennan would just think up an excuse to stay the weekend at Angela's. Not that her friend minded anyway. Several times Booth had tried to convince her that it was okay to stay and be with him and his son, but after several failed attempt he decided it wasn't worth having her angry at him.
And life went on for the longest time that way. Doctor's appointments passed and Booth took her to them all. When she was feeling better he took her places she had never been before, or just had a lazy day at home. Over time he saw the woman who stood before him change into the Brennan that she used to be, he saw his Bones come back. Little by little. But there were remnants of their past. Every once in a while he would wake up from a dream about her and reach out in his sleep. When he would find the familiar empty air he sometimes stayed awake and listened to the furnace kick on, or just listened to the crickets outside. On those rare nights when sleep would evade him he sometimes thought he heard a quiet sob coming from the next room, but by the time he could get up and crack open the door to check on his Bones all was quiet.
All was quiet. All was relativly normal... and yet not. He was waiting, prepared, for the day when his partner would really need him. And he was as scared as any man could ever be.
