Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man. Just my OCs.

I apologize in advance for any mistakes and any English spelling errors, as usual.

IMPORTANT: I'm a lousy updater. Forgive me! University started again and it's my last year! I've got to work and concentrate so...this means that the updates on this story are going to slow down a bit. That probably means months in between chapters. I'm not giving up this story though. I'm just going to take my time with it and slow down. University is my top priority. I'm sorry for this but be patient, when I have time and inspiration I will write! =D

Feel free to check out the image on my profile page! I drew a little sketch of Sae.

Enjoy ^^

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7th Chapter

Vertigo

The sun was almost rising.

That didn't mean the Akumas were less.

In fact, they were never-ending! And it was annoying!

I am irritated.

And tired.

And sick of playing hide and seek with these morons...things.

And worried.

Imagine I'm late to join them at daybreak...

Kanda will kill me. Seriously.

Sigh.

It's not like these Akumas are very hard to get rid of, but they are so many that it's frustrating.

Maybe I should get a little serious...

What a pain in the ass.

I turned to my left hiding myself against a wall of a nearby building and willed my breath to normalize.

In my hand, I was gripping my innocence. In one of it's tips there was a shiny silver blade.

I guess someone could call it a sword.

But the truth wasn't quite like that.

I gripped my innocence with my right hand and put it horizontally in front of me and concentrated.

Feeling a nice warm feeling in my hand and a white flame-like shine surrounding my innocence, I suddenly raised my left hand and gripped it too.

Suddenly, from the left tip of my innocence an identical blade came out.

I retreated from my hiding place and faced the swarming Akumas.

I moved my legs away from each other, preparing, and fixed my eyes on what was before me.

Now, we can solve the problem.

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Kanda and Marie were ahead of me while I looked around at our surroundings looking for any sign of Daisya.

He hadn't appeared on the place we had settled and we were trying to find him.

We tried to contact him through his golem but it has problems and static is all that we can hear.

This was the area where Daisya was when we agreed to join at daybreak. Everything was too silent for my liking.

Kanda and Marie both stopped under an archway made of big old gray stones that connected to a big courtyard.

I approached them with my eyebrows furrowed. Kanda was leaning on one of the archway's walls with his arms crossed and head bent. I couldn't see his face.

"Daisya's golem..." Marie said slowly.

I paused and looked at it, confused.

What? The golem is here, so what? That means Daisya is near. Marie should have already picked out the sound of his heart beating or the sound of his breathing, why wasn't he leading us to him?

My mind only picked the meaning of it some moments later. My eyes widened in disbelief, shock.

"What? No. No." I said in the icy silence.

I looked at Kanda and Marie but none of them met my eyes.

It...it wasn't possible...was it?

I felt my insides freezing with the idea and my heart speeding up on my chest.

I took off to the open courtyard looking around quickly for something.

I saw nothing, but I looked again, more closely, from where I stood.

And then something near one of the street lamps caught my eye.

Something silver.

My heart was beating uncontrollably.

My steps were uneasy, faltering and weak as I approached the street lamp that confirmed my worst fears.

The second I saw his face it was like an entire mountain had crushed over me breaking everything in me.

"No..." Was the weak pitiful sound that came out of my mouth.

The Exorcist Daisya Barry is dead.

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After the morbid discovery, Marie had come led me back to the archway. They were going to take care of things. His voice had been sad.

I was left there for God knows how long. The sun had already risen.

Inside me, it felt like ice was keeping company to the emptiness. I could barely think.

Eventually, Marie came for me.

I followed him blindly for some minutes until we reached what looked like a dock.

It was almost deserted . Its was still very early in the morning.

Kanda was with some old man, probably a boat owner. I assumed the body would be shipped back to HQs.

Daisya's body was laid on some sort of cloth on the ground, some meters from where Kanda and the man were.

I felt the coldness wash over my body again to intensify in the pit of my stomach.

I was feeling sick, my legs were shaking.

I closed my fists tightly burying my nails on my palms until they felt numb.

My face hardened while I gritted my teeth underneath the thin line my lips were forming.

I was trying to control myself for a little longer.

I couldn't predict how much though.

As we got nearer, Marie kept on walking in silence leaving me there to look at Daisya's too pale face.

I felt my throat run dry.

I gulped.

Watching Daisya's lifeless face again was being too difficult.

But this is my chance to say goodbye. That's what I'll do.

As I finally stood next to his body I dropped down on my knees.

The floor was cold.

Everything was cold.

Including someone that should not.

"Daisya..." I heard a raspy voice whispering.

I didn't even recognized my own voice.

I want answers.

Logic reasons for you not to be right here, sitting next to me with your boyish grin, teasing me because it's morning and I must look like hell.

The whys and the hows. All of that. I want to know.

I need to.

A spark of life, of history. A personality, a brain, a soul. A person.

How can such a huge happening such as a person and all that revolves around that person can just disappear?

Like that.

Like nothing.

Like it never happened.

Meant to be forgotten and overcame.

Like it makes any sense.

Like it's supposed to be.

Answers. I would like that. If I can't have nothing else.

Why won't you be there to back me up while I tease Kanda about him being a samurai with associations with Kenshin Himura?

Why won't you be there making me laugh with your insane theories and questionable stories?

I don't think that this world is supposed to exist when you're no longer here.

I've never imagined it.

And yet, it is happening.

I don't quite understand it.

Am I supposed to?

I want you to be alive and well. To breathe. To be happy. To win this war and play soccer for a living. To marry and have kids. To let me be the godmother of one of them.

It would be a stupid little made up fairytale.

But you would be there, alive. And I would be there too, next to you, able to see your smile and witness your happiness.

And I would be incredibly and idiotically happy about it.

And now I am crying.

The tears were too hot on my cold skin. They were almost burning me.

I raised my hand. It was numb, shaky and cold. I couldn't care less.

I gently stroke Daisya's face.

And he was so cold.

So lifeless.

I hate it.

I bent down and kissed his forehead softly.

"Goodnight Daisya" My voice was trembling "Maybe I'll see you again...one of these days..."

I looked at his face. Memorizing it in my head.

For the last time.

Ever.

I couldn't take it any longer.

And then I let out a choked sob.

I gritted my teeth trying to block anymore sounds and got up and walked away from where Daisya's body was.

I hid myself quickly behind a large container that was nearby.

Covering my mouth with my hands in a weak attempt to muffle the desperate sobs, I felt the stung of the river of flowing tears running down my face.

I couldn't see anything.

I could just feel the pain.

And it was too much. Too damn much.

I let myself cry trying to believe that it could somehow ease my suffering.

Minutes later, I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned sharply to see what it was.

The blurry image of Kanda was what I got, I couldn't see his expression.

I quickly turned around again and hid my face on my hands not wanting Kanda to see me this helpless.

So broken. So fragile. So pathetic.

"Sae" Kanda said quietly, softly.

And it was too soft, it was too sweet of a sound that came out of Kanda's lips. That broke me even more. It broke any of my defenses that still prevailed at this moment.

Hearing such a gentle sound made me feel even more desperate, longing for an escape, for comfort.

And so I turned again and, stepping closer, I embraced him tightly.

He just stood there, a little out of balance from my sudden movement but otherwise unmoving.

But I needed more, I wanted warmth, I wanted the pain to go away.

"Kanda" I whispered in a husky pleading voice. "Please..." I managed between my tears unable to say more, hoping he would understand what I was asking.

He did.

Soon, uncertain but strong and warm arms were embracing me back.

I tightened my embrace a little more and just let it all out.

Inside everything was burning. Like an ice cube that burns you as much as fire would.

Through tears and sobs I almost couldn't breathe. My chest was hurting.

Only pain was real.

Kanda's warmth was like a dream, I couldn't quite reach it yet, maybe when I woke up I would.

I have no idea of how long we stood there. Me in Kanda's arms. I never really did process that information in my brain.

Daisya. Daisya. Daisya. You're gone. Forever.

I can't...

You won't...

Daisya, Daisya...

Kanda didn't leave.

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I gave a deep shaky breath and, in a raspy voice, said to Kanda " I'm sorry".

"Shut up" He answered promptly but lacking the usual harshness.

I didn't let go. I was tired now and had an increasing headache from all the crying and the shock. I really needed a good night of sleep, even though it was still morning.

I relaxed into the embrace, relishing what I knew now to be an unprecedented event.

He hadn't let go still.

"Thank you" I managed to say softly. I was truly grateful for him to be there. For the warmth of his presence.

"I said to shut up" I heard him reply.

I sighed "Yeah" And then, with my forehead still on Kanda's chest, I tightened my embrace a little more and finally let go.

While I was stepping away from him, Kanda quickly withdrew his arms from around me, turned sharply and walked away.

I never had the chance to see his face.

___

After some moments while I calmed myself down, tried to wipe the tears on my face, breathed deeply and tried to assure myself that I wouldn't start crying as soon as someone spoke to me, I took some unsure steps to where I had been before.

Daisya's body was no longer there.

I started a fight to smother all the feeling raging inside.

I spotted Kanda and Marie sitting at some distance from me.

Marie had a somewhat amused little smile on his lips while Kanda seemed angry about something.

The usual.

Without someone..- don't go there.

When I reached them I cleared my throat and said quietly " I need to sleep".

Kanda looked at me from the corner of his eyes.

"Yes, we have a room in a hotel nearby already. Reever made the connections and arranged everything." Marie declared quietly in his usual calm speech with an hint of sadness that was barely there. His expression was kind.

"Reever?" Kanda asked looking at him.

"Komui was busy at the moment. The number of fatal attacks have been increasing."

I averted my eyes from them, a sudden fear running through my veins. Fatal attacks. Increasing.

Don't. Go. There.

"Lead the way, Marie" I said breaking the uncomfortable silence that had installed.

Let us try to find a way to look forward for tomorrow again.

Although, forgetting the past is not included.

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This chapter was hard to write, emotionally. I really hope it didn't turn out lame.

It is a short chapter...I know.

I really liked to write Daisya. He really got me, I enjoyed him immensely here in B&H.

I never knew that I liked him this much. Sae's fault, guess XD

For the reviewer named James Birdsong, thank you! Even though I had never heard the word 'neato' before in my whole life. Oh well, I'm learning new things XD

And for the reviewer named The Reader Over There, thank you very much for the review! =D I'm glad you like the title of this story. I love it =3

And! For the reviewer named SuperFantabReaderOrder-UP (such a long name! XD ) thank you very much! I'm glad you like Sae that much, I do try to make her 'real' ^^ And please don't wait desperately for updates! Wait patiently, it's healthier and I'm really slow at writing XD Thank you for your reviews!

What about reviews? =D yes, yes, come on! Be nice, make my day, review!

Tell me how did you like how I wrote Daisya in these past chapters! I want to know =)

Oh, and don't forget to read the note on the top of this chapter please!