DISCLAIMER: I neither own Glee nor the characters. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. This is purely for fun. Enjoy! :)
A/N: I consider the next few chapters to be "beautiful angst" if theres such a thing. It will be hard to see them fight, I know, but there will be some really poignant moments scattered throughout the next few chapters that will help bring them back together in the end.
Chapter Seven
Tired out,
Not a miracle in days.
Always.
Sad is for the lonely.
Whispering tears.
Finn stood as still as possible in Marion's kitchen as the silence between him and his ex-girlfriend was slowly becoming thicker and more uncomfortable with each passing second. Finn shuffled from one foot to the other in awkwardness while she continued to stare straight at him, a small smile pulling up the corners of her lips. She had been sleeping since he found her, but now she was wide awake and ready to talk to him.
Unfortunately for him, he didn't know what to say. There was a reason he'd run away in the first place, and now his reason was standing across from him waiting for answers when he had nothing to say to her. He wasn't good with words, especially when they got mixed up with feelings, and right now there weren't enough words that existed to express how much her betrayal had hurt him.
"I found you." Her words hung in the air and only made the awkward feelings increase tenfold. It felt like the air he was breathing was suddenly choking him, and he knew he could no longer delay the inevitable.
"Rachel," he said, breathless. "What are you doing here?" He hated how pathetic he sounded and blamed it all on her presence; her unwelcome intrusion into the new life he'd been trying to build away from her.
The smile melted away in an instant and she started to weave her fingers together in anxiety. "You left." She said simply, as if those two simple words explained why she had put her life in danger by searching for him in the snow.
"Yeah, Rachel, I left. We both know why I left. You didn't answer my question, though. What are you doing here?" If she thought she was going to chase him down only to have him accept her back with open arms, then maybe she was still delirious.
She shrugged and he could tell she was trying not to get upset and failing miserably. Don't let it get to you Hudson, she doesn't deserve your sympathy. "You left, Finn. You didn't even say goodbye to anyone, you were just gone. What was I supposed to do?"
"Take a hint, maybe." He said severely and she backed up away from him, intimidated by his bitter tone.
"You really left because of me?" Her voice was soft and he could hear the fragility in her tone. He didn't care though, he'd been aching to get these feelings off of his chest and this was the perfect outlet.
"Yes," he said firmly, noticing her wince. "I left because of you."
"I see," she said quietly, and her head fell forward. "I thought so."
"So why did you try to chase after me if you knew it was your fault?" Why did she even bother?
"I had to try, Finn! I had to make the effort to try and find you and fix this."
"Well, you can't fix everything Rachel!" He was losing control of his temper, fast. She was looking at him with large, wounded eyes and she looked so small, so tiny in Marion's kitchen. He tried his hardest not to care. "You can't always get what you want!"
"I can try." She said in defiance and they stared at each other in the eyes for a long, stressful minute, daring the other to break eye contact first. Rachel spoke first, her eyes still staring right through him, and he hoped she couldn't see the emotions that he was trying desperately to control. "Even if I couldn't bring you home, I knew that I had to at least talk to you again, so we can work this out for ourselves. You don't get to just run away and try to forget me when I know in my heart that I could never forget you, no matter how far I tried to run."
"Well you don't get to tell me what I can and can't do anymore, Rachel. Those days are over."
"You know what, Finn?" She said as they finally broke their intense eye contact with the other; Rachel took a step backwards and Finn felt all the pent-up energy in his body bubbling to the surface, knowing this conversation was heading for the worst. "You're still the same scared little boy you've always been. You didn't know how to deal with me, so you picked the most juvenile option available and ran away from home without even trying!" She was screaming now, and even though he'd always been fearful of Rachel's tantrums, he stood his ground against the shrieking chanteuse.
"Well, if I'm a scared little boy, then you're nothing but a selfish little girl! When you don't get your way, you just force people into these uncomfortable situations until you're satisfied and you don't care about the consequences!"
"At least I stand up for what I want."
"Whatever, Rachel!" She was right, but then again, they were both right in their analysis of the other. As much as Finn hated to admit it, Rachel had always been able to see right through him, but he'd always had the same power over her, and their character flaws were just too obvious to ignore. "So I'm a little boy and you're a little girl and we hate each other. Can I call the tow truck so you can go home now?"
She didn't respond to his question and when he turned to face her again, she looked smaller than ever before as she tried to hold in a sniffle. It didn't work. "I never said anything about hating you, Finn." She reached a hand out towards him tentatively, but pulled it back immediately. "Do you really hate me?"
He gave her a hard look and shrugged. "I'll be right back." He said, flatly.
He grabbed the phone book and walked down the hall towards his room, shutting it with a slam and closing Rachel out of the one space he could truly call his, even though it wasn't really his. Now that she was out of view, he collapsed onto his bed with his hands over his face, trying to massage his temples and relieve the throbbing pressure in his head. He still couldn't believe she was really here, but their argument was brutal enough to know it wasn't a dream. Getting those things off his chest was really keeping his head clear, and he was proud of himself for finally standing up to Rachel and her own childish behavior. Now all he had to do was get her home and things would go back to the way they were before he found her car on the side of the road.
"Do you really hate me?" Her words echoed in his head as he started to search for a tow truck in the area and he had to seriously contemplate the question. Did he really hate Rachel? Hate was such a strong word. . .
He tried to push the question out of his mind while he was calling for a tow truck, dialing every number to see if anyone was even open the morning after such a terrible storm. He finally got in contact with a towing company and gave him the location of the diner and where to find the car. He would have to go outside now and shovel his way out to the road before the truck got here.
At this rate, Rachel will be gone by lunch.
He hesitated for a few more minutes before finally getting dressed for the snow, slipping on his big boots over an extra layer of pants and grabbing his thick winter coat against the harsh Michigan wind. He took a deep breath to steel himself before exiting the bedroom and facing Rachel again. She had to be positive that he had every intention of staying here or else she would try to talk him into coming back home, which he refused to do. No, he was going to get Kurt's car out of the ditch and send her back home to Lima where she belonged.
However, as he walked down the hall into the living room, Rachel was no where to be seen. Her boots and coat were gone from the places where he left them, and when he poked his head outside, someone had shoveled the steps and a path leading out of the parking lot.
"Rachel!" He yelled and no one answered. Did she have a death wish or something? As much as he wanted her gone, he also wanted her to leave in one piece, with all limbs attached. Trying his hardest not to slip, he staggered down the steep stairs and ran towards the highway, noticing her small footsteps on the snow covered pavement. When he looked down the highway, her cranberry coat was a shocking contrast to the brilliant white snow, and he chased after her, trying to catch up. She wasn't even walking in the right direction of the car.
"Rachel!" He finally yelled loud enough for her to hear and she turned around to face him with her hands over her chest, giving him a dirty look. "The car is this way!" He could see her stomp her feet in frustration and he had to stifle down a small laugh that almost bubbled from his lips. He had to admit, she really looked adorable, all bundled up and lost in the snow. . .
Shaking that thought from his mind, he couldn't afford to think she was cute right now. His emotions were a mess and as angry as he was at her, he still couldn't deny how nervous he'd been when she wouldn't wake up last night, or how cute she looked shuffling in the snow. Being around her was like a constant war between his heart and his brain, and for once his brain was holding ground. If only his heart wouldn't try so hard.
She walked towards him until they met in the middle of the road and Finn began to lead them towards the car. The roads had been plowed the tiniest bit so the ground was even enough to walk on, even though the snow was slippery and there were some uneven patches. Rachel was wearing her fashionable fleece boots, which would have kept her feet warm if they weren't already soaked with snow. He wanted to say something to her, but couldn't find the words, so he just kept his mouth shut. She hadn't said a thing to him since their argument, and he welcomed the silence.
They made it to the car and Rachel's eyes grew wide when she took in the state of the SUV. It's rear was still poking into the road and the plows had pushed about a foot of snow against it, making the tow truck a vital tool in it's recovery. Rachel unlocked the back door and took out her pink rolling luggage, stuck it upright in the snow against a tree, and sat on it. When she looked at him with questions dancing in her eyes, he leaned against the truck, shrugged, and closed his eyes.
"Now, we wait."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Well, you're far from home,
I'm with you now.
I'm warning you,
I'm lonely too.
Boy, the miracles still give fortune tears.
It didn't take long for the tow truck to arrive as Rachel used her luggage as a cushion in the snow. She couldn't sit inside the car because of the tilted angle of the vehicle, and she didn't want to stand anywhere near Finn as he tried to talk to the tow truck guy and figure out how to get the car out of the ditch. She was shocked and horrified when she took in the shape of the car; she couldn't believe that this had happened while she was driving, and cursed her own stupidity for putting herself in that kind of danger.
But Finn had found me. . .I left Lima trying to look for him, and he found me instead. . .
She didn't know the specifics yet of how he'd found her, but she did know that she was here, and finally reunited with Finn. However, their conversation was nowhere near the blissful reunion she'd imagined. In fact, it was all of her worst fears coming true, right in front of her eyes. Finn was still mad at her, scratch that, Finn hated her, and it was all her fault.
I still found him though. I made a goal, I executed it to the best of my ability and I succeeded. At least I can go home with some sense of closure.
The sound of raised voices snapped her out of her reverie, and she looked up to see Finn arguing with the tow-man.
"I don't know what you want me to tell you, kid. The damage to the front needs to be fixed; you can't drive with a busted light like that and the fender is bent in really deep."
"But my girl-, I mean, my friend, needs to get back to Ohio today." She felt her hopes sink lower and lower by the second. He wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible and she couldn't even blame him.
"No can do, kid. You can pick up your car on Sunday morning, the day after Christmas."
"Sunday morning!" Finn and Rachel shared look filled with anger and anxiety as they both answered at the same time. Rachel stepped forward to break her silence.
"With all due respect, sir, I need to get this car back to Ohio before Christmas or else the one friend I have in the world will disown me from his life forever. Please, I can pay you anything to have this done by today." As much as she wished she had more time to get back on Finn's good side, she wanted to keep the promise she made to Kurt, who she was relying on to be her personal shoulder to cry on when she finally returned to Lima and a life without Finn.
"Listen, missy. I'm sorry I can't help you, but tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the shop is closed until Sunday. I can do what I can tonight, but I have other cars in the shop as well and I know it won't be finished by 5. You'll have to stay here until Sunday. I'm sure your friend will understand." With that, the tow-man made sure the truck was properly attached to the back of his truck before towing it away, leaving Finn and Rachel in the road together alone.
For a moment she just stood in the street and watched the car being towed away as all of her deepest fears were coming true right in front of her eyes. First she lost Finn as her boyfriend, now she was going to lose Kurt as her best friend and there was nothing she could do about either issue. Stubborn tears refused to fall as she traipsed over to her luggage, picked it out of the snow, and started to retreat back to Finn's place in silence. She didn't even wait to see if he was following her; her feet were soaking wet and almost frozen and all of her hopes had been shattered in the span of an hour.
He caught up to her as they started to approach where he was staying; she didn't even know what part of the state she was in or what this establishment was, but she could make out the words "Diner" on the facade of the building, and tried her best to hold her luggage over her head while she tried to walk in the little path she'd made in the snow. Finn didn't even ask to help her with the heavy luggage. Chivalry truly was dead.
When she made it back inside the upstairs apartment, she realized that neither she nor Finn had spoken a word to one another since the tow truck left. Part of her didn't care; she was stuck here until Sunday with no way to escape the awkwardness and palpable tension that existed between the two of them. She had so many questions she still wanted to ask him, but kept them to herself in order to preserve the silence that had settled between them. She watched as he went straight into the room where he'd retreated before without a word, and resolved herself to her fate for the next few days.
Removing her soaked boots and socks, she headed straight for the shower with a clean change of clothes. She let herself stand under the hot spray and finally cried, releasing all the pent up tears she'd been holding in since she discovered that Finn missing. Nothing was going to change what had happened between them, she knew that now, and the next few days were going to be nothing short of torture.
She should have never left Lima.
When she stepped out of the shower a few minutes later, she was met with a heavenly smell as her stomach rumbled painfully. When was the last time she had truly eaten? Her stomach cramped even more when she couldn't come up with an answer. She exited the bathroom in her robe and almost ran straight into Finn, who looked as if he was just about to knock on the door.
"Oh!" She said, shocked, as he took a few steps back from her. She twisted her hair around her fingers anxiously. "Can I help you with something, Finn?"
"Um, no. Um," he looked flustered and wouldn't stop staring at her in the oddest way. It wasn't until she looked down and saw that her robe was partially open, exposing her cleavage, when she covered herself up hastily. "I made us lunch, if you're hungry. You can change in my room if you want, it's the one that says Brandon on the door."
"Brandon?" She asked softly.
"Yeah." He didn't elaborate. Who's house was this anyway?
"Okay." She maneuvered herself around him and grabbed her clothes, heading toward the hall and feeling Finn's eyes on her the entire time. He might still hate her, but at least he still thought she was sexy. Who was she kidding, boobs were boobs, he was just being a guy.
When she exited the foreign bedroom in her clean clothes she felt a lot better, even though she didn't know how to act around Finn anymore. Their relationship had always been effortless, and the tension that now existed between them was almost too much to bear. She joined him at the table, where he had set up a giant casserole full of baked macaroni and cheese. He was already eating, but when she sat down, he looked up at her and nodded once before returning to his food. She took one bite and was pleasantly surprised.
"Mmm." She said in appreciation as the food filled her empty stomach. He looked up from the plate and they made eye contact for a moment before she tried to make conversation. "Where did you learn how to cook like this?"
"I didn't," he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand shyly. "I found it in the fridge downstairs and heated it up for you. I work in the diner downstairs, I have the key."
"Oh." Well at least one of her questions was answered. "Well, it's good." With that small statement the suffocating tension returned and the two ex-lovers tried to focus on their meals instead of the other.
It wasn't working. There was something on Rachel's mind that she needed to voice, even if it ruined the strained kind of peace that had settled between them. "If you want me to go home sooner, why don't you just drive me back to Ohio in your own car? I can still be gone by tonight."
She had interrupted him mid-chew and she thought for a second that the food was going to fall right out of his mouth. He swallowed his bite before speaking. "My car could never get through the snow that's still on the roads and I would have to dig it out first. I also don't want to have to go back to Lima, because then I'll just be tempted to stay."
Maybe she should try to push this idea. . . "Well, for someone who hates me you're sure trying hard to keep me around." She was hoping her statement would incite another argument so he would resolve himself into driving her back to Lima, but it had the opposite affect. A contrite look flashed across his face as he pushed his food around on his plate with his fork.
"I don't hate you," he said it so low, she was sure she was hearing things.
"What?" The hope she thought she had lost returned to her in full at his low confession.
"I said I don't hate you, Rachel." He finally looked up at her and the expression on his face made her heart clench painfully in her chest. He looked so lost. So broken. "I just can't forgive you."
With that, he stood up from the table and picked up his plates, dropping them into the sink with a clang and retreating to Brandon's bedroom in silence. She pushed the food away from her, no longer feeling hungry.
He didn't come out of the room for the rest of the night.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Salut mes amis!
Song lyrics from "Girlfriend" by Phoenix
More angst is coming your way! Get ready for it!
Until next time. . . sings. . . Don't stop... Reviewing!
Merci Mille Fois!
