Spy: I love writing this story. But...it doesn't really get a lot of reviews. Oh well. two reviews per chapter is enough. :D I like writing this, and I don't care.

That's why I'm updating so soon. :D


December 27th, 2011

Gomen

They brought Vlad in today. He seemed extremely distraught, his silver hair sticking out in places, his blue eyes watery and distant. His shirt was wrinkled with a sickly light brown stain running down the front.

The doctor and I had been walking around the labs, taking down various random Christmas decorations and putting them in a cardboard box. I was surprised that she still trusted me after what I had done. I know I didn't trust her…but I didn't hate her anymore either. It was like being with a friend you knew liked to trick people. You were careful It was then that we ran into one scared Mr. Masters.

Vlad seemed to be proclaiming his innocence, begging for the doctors to let him go. He wasn't on his meds, they knew that.

They didn't know that was a good thing.

He looked at me, his eyes pleading with me to help him.

"Daniel." He begged, staring at me. "It's Christmas. Do something for me on Christmas. Please?"

Well…it wasn't Christmas.

I just stared at him. What else could I do? Obviously the doctor had read my letter telling my "mom" about Vlad's threats. Fear rose up inside me as red glinted in his eyes.

He was coming out.

Phantom was silent. Why was he silent at a time like this? He should be screaming, yelling.

Vlad was going to kill people…I was going to see red all over, just like in my dreams. Except this time…it was real. It would really be there. I would really smell it. It would really be spattered all over my clothes and face as Vlad got close to me, giving me one last chance to go with him.

Even though I didn't know these people, I didn't want to see death. Not if I could prevent it. If I could prevent death, it would make a weight rise from my conscious, and help me.

But at what cost?

"Can I talk to him?" I asked. "Alone?"

Vlad paused. His struggles coming to a halt. His eyes followed me as I turned to the doctor, trying to keep the anger from my gaze.

"…I'd like to talk with him…about…what's inside."

The doctor seemed reluctant, but eventually buckled, escorting both me and Vlad to my room, and shutting the door.

It was an uncomfortable silence that fell over us. I wasn't sure if it was silent for Vlad, as his eyes seemed to grow distant.

Maybe his demon was planning something.

I wasn't sure, so I sat down on the edge of my bed, patting the covers beside me. He reluctantly approached, fidgeting slightly.

"If you're thinking of doing anything, forget it." I snapped. "It's not going to do you any good. They'll bring you down out there."

"It took three fleets of GIW agents to take you down." Vlad murmured, refusing to meet my eyes. "The demon made me look it up. Five years ago you went on a rampage through four towns, taking down countless people. All you left behind were macabre pictures done in your victim's blood.

"I didn't do that." I replied firmly. I desperately had to fight the urge to bite at my fingers, horrible reminders of what I had done.

"And I didn't threaten you." The man said, turning his watery eyes to me. "You know what it's like. I could tell that you lost control in the lab. It wasn't you asking that question. It was your demon."

"That's the only time it's happened." I lied. "He wants total control."

"The relationship with my demon is hitotsu no kimochi at its finest. It's not what the doctor made it sound like. It's a lot of give and take." Vlad continued, gripping the sheets tightly. "When I got out of here, I had nothing to go back to. My demon was not like yours. He was a silent killer, more like a vampire. He would hide out, and kill people. I was twenty when I was finally released, but no one wanted anything to do with me. I changed my name, moved to Wisconsin. It was then that hitotsu no kimochi really became a reality. My demon promised me that he would make me rich. He said he would help me come to glory again. And he did. Then they gave that medicine to me. I hated it. My days were always fuzzy. I would vaguely recall certain events, but other than that, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't sleep at night. Eventually I tried to stop. And the less I took it, the stronger I got. It was great. I was finally in control of my life."

"Then why did you come back to get some more?" I asked.

Vlad sighed.

"It was great…but the stuff was addicting. Without it, I became cocky and arrogant. Everything I was thinking rolled off my tongue. It got me into trouble…and the dreams. They were horrible. Worse than when I wore the band. Much worse."

Vlad paused, looking over at the boy.

"You're not wearing it."

"I threw it away." I replied bluntly.

The look of panic that washed over the man's face was horrible. He literally leapt from the bed and sprinted over to the wastebasket. His hand reached inside, shifting through bits of paper and discarded food before pulling out the band and holding it close to him.

"I gave this to you." He whimpered. "I really wanted to help you, and you threw it away."

He tried putting the thing around his neck, but his hands were trembling. I found myself walking over to him, snapping it shut with some trouble.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"It was my dad's." Vlad whispered, leaning against the wall. "I don't know why it helps. But it does. It helps a lot. But I can't sleep. I can never sleep."

It was strange seeing this grown man whimpering like a little child. He smelled like thick alcohol. I surmised that it was the stain on his shirt. He was probably drinking when they found him.

"Let them help you." I said. "It's ok."

"People like us don't get second chances." Vlad murmured. "They have written proof that my demon is influencing my thoughts. There's only one place left for me now."

I stiffened up, staring into the man's broken gaze.

"They're going to take me to the door at the end of the hall, Daniel." He continued. "They're going to get rid of this demon once and for all."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I asked.

"In ways…" Vlad replied. "But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about this holiday."

"It's not Christmas, Vlad." I said firmly. "That was two days ago. I want to know what happens at the end of the hall."

His eyes at that moment will always haunt me. Their blue surfaces were filled with fear, and defeat. His answer I would never forget.

"There are more of us, Daniel." He replied, his voice shaking. "I've seen them once before. Unlike you or me, they're completely gone. The demons have taken over their bodies, and have used them as they wished. Some are lead into the door at the end of the hall, where horrible things happen. Their demons are ripped from their bodies and killed while they are left to wither away. Some end up paralyzed, others mentally disabled…many more end up dead. That's why they try to shove all this hitotsu no kimochi crap down our throats. They think that it's a better way to live. But it's not like the demon's are just fleas willing to suck our blood. They have their own plans…but so do we. It's impossible to live like this. But I don't want to die."

"You won't." I said, my face still firm.

"But I'm weak." Vlad shivered. "I barely remember life before this demon. I depend on him. You remember life. You remember living. But I don't. You would be fine, but not me." He looked forlornly down on the floor.

But he still wasn't done.

"I had a room made up for you." He continued. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so there was a little bit of everything in there. In my will, I'm going to leave my mansion to you. I'm going to leave everything to you, because I know you're going to make it. You're going to find something better than hitotsu no kimochi. I know it."

I suddenly felt guilty for what I had done. None of this was his fault…and he was paying for it. He was paying the ultimate price for that demon who killed his family.

I would not let that happen to me. This man whom I had hated, was now sitting before me, encouraging me. Phantom hadn't said a word.

Maybe he was afraid. Maybe he finally realized that he could die if this didn't work.

Maybe I had realized that I had an escape route…but not one I wanted to take.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, helping the man to his feet.

"It's not your fault, Daniel." Vlad replied, leaning on the bed for support. "You don't know what my demon had planned for you. As much as I've always wanted a son, I'm glad you did what you did."

It was then that the doctor came in, taking him away from me. Vlad's eyes—I'll never forget his eyes. I can still see them, even now when it's over…he didn't hate me…and I didn't hate him. I hated the monster inside of him for doing this. It was the demon's fault. Vlad was like me: a pawn.

I will always remember the last words he spoke to me…

"I'm going to be free…"


January 1st, 2012

Atarashi

Today is a new year. A new year to start new things, and make New Year resolutions. Mine was to prove Vlad right. I was going to find something better then hitotsu no kimochi. I wasn't sure what that thing was…but I was going to find it. I was.

Today the doctor brought me something I hadn't seen in five years…or maybe it was six, I'm not sure anymore.

She brought me a T.V.

It was a little black and white thing from the heyday of television. Ancient as it was, I didn't care. It brought back warm memories of my family and I. My parents would always get tipsy on wine, while we laughed at them. Then we'd watch the ball drop.

The doctor ran a thick wire underneath the door that hooked the T.V. up to cable. I spent the next hours until midnight rediscovering television. Most of my old shows had been cancelled. I caught a late night presentation of Sesame Street, and smiled.

I felt like a kid again.

I was sad when Dick Clark wasn't hosting the party in Times Square. It was someone new, someone other people seemed to know, but I didn't. They showed clips from movies that I had never heard of, and talked about other stars that hadn't been around when I watched T.V. Then they talked about events that I didn't know about, things that had changed. A lot had changed…but a lot was the same.

I saw a few familiar faces, but other than that, T.V. was foreign to me. I felt like I didn't know it anymore.

I felt like I didn't know the world anymore.

It was more depressing than uplifting, which was probably why I had just been given it. Maybe the doctor thought I was more stable now. Maybe she was right. I think she was. I shut the television off shortly after midnight, and retreated to the small library off the side of my room. It had been ages since I had ventured inside. I felt like reading.

I'd read all the books before. All of them dozens of times. I wasn't going to read tonight. I just sat in there. That's where I am now. Sitting against a shelf of heavy books, writing. I still can't get Vlad out of my mind.

But…every day's a new beginning. A step closer to the future.

Atarashi mirai.

New future…


January 3rd, 2012

Dakedo

The doctor's been treating me very well after Vlad's…well… journey through the door. Today she handed me a laptop, and a debit card, and said that I could buy almost anything I wanted under a hundred bucks. I asked her if I could buy some new clothes. She said that she would do that herself. I've been lounging around in huge shirts and sweatpants. Sometimes jeans if I feel like it. I cut my hair when it gets too long to see. But I've gotten too tall for my pants. Not so much the shirts. They're just getting too baggy. Even my pants. I've lost a lot of weight, and it shows. She told me not to worry, so I didn't. I surfed around, trying to think of what I wanted that I could buy for a hundred bucks. I finally decided to bid on a gameboy advance on eBay that only had a minute left. I snagged that puppy for ten bucks. I guess they are outdated by now. I didn't care. I grew up on the older ones. Bedsides…I needed something to do.

I got a couple of games and some extra batteries to use. Then I bought a CD player, and some CD's to go with it. Those were dirt-cheap too. Everyone probably had music players imbedded into their skulls by now. I also got a boss set of retro headphones that wouldn't let any other sound in. Life was good.

The rest I got were books. I didn't know anything about books, so I was just kind of randomly buying them. I figured that one had to be good.

When I was done, I bought a stuffed dog.

Don't ask why.

I wanted a stuffed dog, and that was that.

I came to nearly a hundred bucks, and decided to call it quits. The Internet didn't interest me anymore, so I shut the laptop off, and decided to put in my log for the day.

Now I'm going to take a nap. I'm tired.

Phantom's being quiet…too quiet…and it scares me.