Ha. I love Remiel's songs. He's a friggin' genius!

--

Chapter Seven

And it was a long trip. The group plodded through the hot and smelly desert for several hours. The journey was lengthy and dangerous, and included scorpions, snakes, giant worms, and creepy blue-eyed black blob things.

At last, Lloyd and his posse arrived at the gates of the Triet Ruins. The ruins were ancient and crumbled. Raine gave a girlish shriek and tackled the nearest rock.

"Um, Professor Sage...?" Lloyd came up behind his teacher slowly.

"Stay back!" she whipped around, clutching the rock and staring at Lloyd with an insane glint in her eye. "It's mine, you hear me? MINE!" She cackled demoniacally and tackled another rock.

"Oh, this is simply amazing! Look at the smooth texture! It must be polycarbonate, developed during the ancient war to resist magic. Ooooh! Feel that smooth surface? It's absolutely wonderful!"

Kratos, Lloyd, Genis, and Colette stared at Raine as she leapt from ruin to ruin, mumbling hysterically to herself.

"Is... is she always like this?" Kratos asked uncertainly.

Lloyd looked at Genis. "Er, is she?"

"Um..." Genis shrugged. "Ah, I've been trying so hard to hide it, too."

"Uh, Professor Sage?" Colette called. In one swift leap, Raine tackled the Chosen and pinned her to the wall.

"You can't have any of it, you hear me? It's MINE! This is historical evidence, and if you put a single chosen finger on it, I swear, I'll-"

"P-p-professor!" Colette gasped. "I just wanted to know what that pillar over there is. It has my family's crest on it..."

"Omygod!" Raine gasped. She dropped Colette and hurried to the pillar. "Look! This depression, it reads: Oracle Stone. OHMYGOD, this is so cool! Colette, try putting your hand here!"

Colette hesitated. There was no telling what Professor Sage might do to her if the Chosen wandered too close.

"Um, but, Professor..." she didn't get to finish, because Raine grabbed her hand, ripped it off, and threw it on the pillar. It lay there bleeding for a moment, then there was a bright flash of light. Everyone covered their eyes with their hands, except for Colette who didn't have one. When the light was gone, a door on the ground slid open.

"That's it?" Lloyd asked incredulously. "That was lame!"

Nonetheless, the group grabbed Colette's severed hand and dove into the depths of the mysterious hole in the ground.

"Jeez, it sure is hot down here," Lloyd moaned, tugging at his collar. "Like, even hotter than outside."

"This is supposed to be the Seal of Fire," Genis pointed out. "Of course it's hot."

Soon, the group found a room filled with tiny, crumbling bridges standing lopsidedly over a boiling pit of lava.

"Hm, this looks safe," Kratos said.

"Um, Kratos? We're standing on a decaying bridge over a boiling pit of french-fried death," Lloyd pointed out.

"I was being sarcastic, Lloyd,"

"Oh! Right! I gotcha!" Lloyd gave the mercenary a thumbs-up. Kratos heaved a sigh.

"Well, let's go," said Genis. And they did.

--

After braving the depths of the sizzling hole in the ground, solving many intricate and confusing puzzles, lighting some candles, and fighting giant geese, the group finally reached the seal room.

"Phew," Lloyd moaned. "It's so hot. I wanna leave soon."

"We have to release the seal first," Kratos pointed out.

"I know that! You don't have to-"

Just then, there was an explosion of fire, and out of the darkness leapt a big, red, pointy dog. It howled at the group before tackling Lloyd.

"YEARGH! Get it off me!" Lloyd screamed. Kratos unsheathed his sword and started hacking away at the dog. It stumbled backwards, so that Lloyd could stand up and yoink out his own blades. He joined the mercenary in viciously poking the dog monster.

"I'll help!" Genis shouted. He pulled out his kendama and started a spell. "Fireball!" he cried as said fireballs shot towards the dog. Unfortunately, the fire seemed to only make the dog stronger.

"Dammit, Genis!" Lloyd snapped, as the dog lit his boot on fire. "That didn't help at all, you loser!"

"Well, at least I- woah!" Genis ducked as the dog took a swipe at his white head.

"I'll save you, Genis!" Colette cried cheerfully. She swung her chakram around her head, but tripped. With a loud thwonk, her chakram planted itself firmly in the back of Lloyd's head.

"D'oh!" he yelped, falling to the ground.

"Oops! Sorry Lloyd!" Colette giggled.

The dog, who had just leapt to take a bite out of the Chosen's head, stumbled over Lloyd's body as he lay there, twitching. It slammed into the wall, knocking over an old and crumbling pillar as it fell.

Raine screamed.

"OH MY GOD! You stupid dog, you destroyed that ruin! I'm gonna KILL YOU!" And, with nothing but her bare hands, the Professor tackled the dog and proceeded to rip it to shreds. The children and Kratos stared in various states of shock as the dog monster was slowly and painfully torn asunder. At last the Professor stepped away from the bleeding remains of dog, wiping off her coat briskly.

"Well, Colette?" she snapped, and the Chosen jumped to her feet, looking terrified. "Aren't you going to release the seal?"

"Y-y-ye-yes ma'am!" Colette stuttered. She stepped over the dog monster's severed head and onto a magical-looking platform. She clasped her hands and bowed her head, then said: "Oh, Goddess Martel, great protector and nurturer of the earth, grant me thy strength!"

Everyone blinked.

"That's it?" Lloyd cried. "She just says some stupid prayer? That's what we came all this way for?"

Just then, in an explosion of light and feathers, Remiel the angel of cool hair appeared.

"Good job, Colette,

And now I shall,

grant you cool angel powers,

because I am your pal!"

Everyone in the room groaned. Then Colette grew wings.

"Woah!" Lloyd shouted. "Colette just grew wings!"

"Yeah, they're all pink and sparkly!" Genis added.

Remiel nodded. "Yeah, now you look like an angel. BUT, the angel trial will not be without pain."

"I humbly accept this trial," Colette said.

"Cool," Remiel paused a moment, then leapt into a mid air dance.

"So, go to the water seal,

far to the east and across the sea,

you'll be closer to being an angel,

so don't... stop for... tea...?"

In another burst of feathers, Remiel had vanished.

"Bye!" Colette called, waving. Then, she somehow managed to trip in midair, and came crashing down on Genis' head.

"Oops, sorry!" she giggled. Genis stood up and started ogling over the Chosen's new wings.

"Wow, that's so damn cool!" he moaned.

"Yeah, isn't it?" Colette replied with a smile.

"So..." Lloyd interrupted. "That Remiel guy said that the next seal was across the sea! That means we get to go in a boat! Ha, I can't wait!"

"Yeah, but I dunno if there will be any ships sailing nowadays," Raine pointed out, looking almost hopeful.

"Then, we'll just have to swim!" Lloyd laughed. Raine turned green.

"Let's just get out of here," Kratos sighed.

"OK!" said everyone. Colette's wings disappeared, and the happy little group climbed back up into the cooler but still really hot desert.

"Well, shall we get the hell outta here?" Lloyd asked. Everyone nodded, but just as they started to leave, Colette toppled to the ground.

"Woah!" Genis laughed. "Colette, you trip way to much!"

Colette didn't move.

"Uh, uh-oh," Lloyd blinked. Everyone rushed to the Chosen's side as she slowly woke up.

"Uhh, guh, ugh," she moaned.

"Yikes, she's totally sick!" Raine said. "Look; her lips are turning purple! We've gotta get to a doctor!"

"Wait a minute," Kratos interjected. "Remember what that angel with cool hair said? To become an angel, the Chosen needs to overcome a trial. We probably should try not to move her."

"Huh?" Lloyd, who had already dragged Colette's limp body across the ruins and towards the desert, looked up. "If you say so, I guess..." he shrugged and dropped the Chosen, who gave a tiny shriek as she hit the sandy ground.

"Um, let's set up camp, then," Genis said. And so they did.

--

"Colette, are you feeling better now?" Lloyd asked several hours later. The group sat around a fire; Kratos sitting off a ways with Noishe, Genis drifting off to sleep, and Raine making out with some artifacts she had taken from the Triet Ruins.

Colette glanced up from her untouched dinner with a grin.

"Yup. I don't feel like my arms are being pulled apart by two angry rhinoceroses anymore!"

"That's good, but-" Lloyd pointed to the Chosen's dinner. "-if you're feeling better, you should eat your dinner!"

"I will," she said cheerfully. Then, eager to change the subject, she asked, "So, Lloyd, how's my birthday present coming?"

"Oh, I'll go get it for you!" Lloyd said, turning on heel to grab the necklace. As soon as his back was turned, Colette fed her dinner to Noishe. She sat back up with a grin just as Lloyd was returning.

"Wow, you sure are a fast eater!" he noticed. Colette coughed nervously. "So, yeah, here's your birthday present!" He held out a very pretty necklace.

Colette stared at Lloyd.

Lloyd smiled back.

"Um, Lloyd?" Colette asked slowly. "The necklace... it's... broken,"

"Gah! Are you serious?" Lloyd examined the necklace closely. It looked as though a really big green and white dog who's name might or might not have been Noishe had taken a bite out of it.

"How the heck did that happen?"

Noishe gave a nervous whine through a mouthful mashed potatoes.

"Well, I'll make you a new one, OK?"

"Alright," said Colette. "Just try and get it to me before my next birthday, huh?"

"O-of course..."

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk," Colette announced, standing up and dusting herself off.

"You want me to come with you?" Lloyd asked.

"No, not really," Colette smiled at the swordsman before turning and walking away.

"Ha ha!" Genis laughed from across the camp fire. "You got re-ject-ed!"

Lloyd punched the elf in the face. "Hey, shut up, Genis!" Then Genis started crying, and Raine smacked Lloyd for making such a racket, and Lloyd whined that he hadn't done anything but punch Genis in the face, which made Genis cry even harder, which made Noishe start howling, which forced Kratos to resist killing them all.

Meanwhile, off a ways across the desert, Colette was having an insane coughing fit.

"Urg," she wheezed. "Wh-cough-wha-ack-what's ha-ha-ckoo happening t-to cough cough wheeze m-me?"