Earlier than expected! :)
"Dad!"
Ben launched himself out of the car, sprinted the short distance to the sidewalk and tackled Dean so forcefully and quickly that Dean scarce got his hands up in time to catch his son. Hands patted Dean's back, his sides, his arms, as if Ben couldn't believe that Dean was really there and was okay.
"Heya, kiddo," Dean said, grinning and ruffling the boy's hair. Through the flurry of touches, Dean looked up and saw Benny getting out of the driver's side of his blue SUV, smiling benignly at the reunion. Ben detached himself from Dean as abruptly as he'd initiated the embrace, dropped onto his heels on the ground, and grinned back, eyes bright.
…I did okay on this one, I think.
Thank God he's alright. Thank God he didn't come to the rally. He's just a kid. He's not like Castiel at all. Like, Castiel launched himself at Adler and I thought how badass he looked; if Ben had done something similar? I'd be terrified. Of course, if Castiel had gotten hurt…
"So did you really get hit by a taser?" Ben asked avidly. "How'd it feel? Are you okay? I bet it hurt. The video looked like it really fucking hurt. And, like, I read somewhere that people who get tased piss on themselves, but you don't look like you did that, so that's good, right? I saw you on the news and everything, it's fricken awesome, and I was glad too cause your being on TV meant I knew you were okay and kept getting updates. They even had it on at school and I got to see the footage of you when you got let out of jail, you looked seriously pissed and tired and that was a little disappointing, I mean, seriously, you're on the news and all you can come up with to say is 'huh?' What gives?" Dean quirked an eyebrow at his son, and Ben added hastily, "But you still looked seriously badass, dad!"
…but Castiel is fine. It's all good. And Adler looks fucking ridiculous with suction cup bruises all over his damn face. The son of a bitch deserved way worse after tasing me for no reason.
Henriksen had filled Dean in on the behind-the-scenes halfling stuff that he'd been unfamiliar with. Zachariah Adler was in charge of Henriksen's division, which specialized in crimes involving halflings, but Adler hated halflings. Not only did he fail to vigorously prosecute human-on-halfling violence, he went out of his way to pursue cases of halfling-on-halfling violence and went above and beyond every time there was an instance of halfling-on-human violence. As far as Henriksen could tell, Adler did this in the interest of inflating the crime statistics to better support outlandish, extreme legislation. It was all a big cluster fuck, from what Dean could figure out: the politicians got kickbacks and donations from the halfling pet industry, the politicians selected the head police officials, the police provided the information to "prove" that halflings were a danger to society, and all of the supposed evidence was used to justify denying halflings access to basic human rights such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice, all that awesome shit the Declaration of Independence went on about that had, increasingly over the centuries, become the rights of man only, excluding all non-human species.
"I'm sorry I didn't live up to your standards of bad-assery," Dean said drily. "Getting tased sucks. Don't try it."
"I wish I'd—"
"Everything okay, Benny?" Dean interrupted Ben before his son could finish the thought, though Dean was positive that the end of that sentence was I wish I'd been there. Dean had less than zero desire to explain to Ben exactly why Dean was incredibly relieved that Ben hadn't been in the same municipality, much less actually present at the rally.
If we go about changing the world like Henriksen wants, I guess I'll be in the lime light enough that if Ben wants to be involved, he can be. That'd be kinda cool, actually, to see him get involved and get real into it.
"We're good, brother," Benny called back. "Thinkin' I could drive you and your boy to wherever you parked, and you could make your way home from there?"
"That'd be awesome," Dean nodded and immediately regretted it. The headache that had waned and waxed since he'd regained consciousness was now solidly in the waxing stage and moving his head hurt like a bitch. Now that he was reassured that Ben was alright, and had confirmation through the grape vine that Castiel was safe with Anna and Charlie, all Dean wanted to do was sleep, but he couldn't yet. It was a 45 minute drive from Topeka to Lawrence.
Ben chattered away as they walked the short distance to Benny's car. Based on what he said, Ben had watched every video clip of the rally and the ensuing riot that he'd been able to find. Apparently, there was a lot of footage available, and Ben's ceaseless run-on sentence canvased everything from his awe at seeing the lamassu to his amazement at how the centaurs had behaved – from what Ben said, their behavior triggered the police action – to his shock at how many people had been arrested. The cops had even tried to take Madge into custody, until the nagas and a bunch of humans made a ring around her, interlocking arms, to keep the authorities at bay. A lot of what Ben said was new information to Dean, and Dean was interested but his fatigue made it difficult to track the thread of the one-sided conversation. Henriksen had kept Dean hidden in his office until the initial hubbub had died down, filled Dean's head with facts and numbers about how shit the situation for halflings truly was in the country, leant Dean a phone to call his friends and track down a ride and his son, and kept Dean company while they waited for Benny to arrive. Dean had recorded a deposition, gotten the phone number for a sympathetic lawyer named Cain, and then escaped out the back door.
It felt like a fucking lifetime since he'd last seen Ben. It was hard to believe it'd only been a day.
As noisy as Ben was, it was hard to tell if Benny was intentionally quiet or if he simply couldn't get a word in edgewise. Dean had never known his son to be this talkative, but, then, Ben must have had one hell of an unpleasant day, between Dean being at the rally, then the riot, then Dean not coming home, and fuck, how had Ben even found out that something was wrong? How had he ended up with Benny? There was a story there. Reflecting on it, Dean recognized that the almost compulsive thoroughness with which Ben watched the coverage of what happened betrayed his nerves. He'd wanted every iota of proof he could get that his dad – and Castiel, too, and Charlie – was okay.
God, he must have been terrified. I'll have to make this up to him somehow. Maybe I'll…
Lost in a reverie induced by exhaustion and the soothing sound of his son talking, Dean didn't realize the car had stopped until Benny interrupted Ben and said, "You sure you're alright to drive, Dean?"
They were pulled up alongside Dean's car, parked where he'd left it the previous day in a small lot about a mile from the State Building. Blinking, Dean nodded carefully so as to keep his headache at bay. "Yeah, I'm good." Ben hopped out eagerly, but Dean vacated the front seat more slowly.
"You sound it," Benny said dubiously. "How 'bout I follow you back? Just to be sure?"
"That's not…" Dean trailed off and shook his head. Vertigo made the world spin. "Sure, why not, probably a good idea."
"Wow, you must really feel like shit," Benny said. "Maybe you and Ben should spend the night in Topeka, head back to Lawrence bright and early tomorrow?"
Dean barely restrained himself from shaking his head again. "No, no – it's all good. I gotta get back so I can do that shit at JCCC in the morning, and I don't want Ben missing any more school on my account. Can't get Castiel back until I get home, either." Assuming Castiel wants to come back. He's probably thrilled to be spending so much time with Anna. Yanking the car door open, Dean turned to exit the car only to get snagged by his seat belt. As he went to undo the clasp holding it in place, Benny snagged his hand. Surprised, Dean turned to see his old friend looking at him earnestly. Scruff made a shadow over his cheeks and chin; a smile puffed out his cheeks and reminded Dean how nice it had felt to kiss along Benny's jaw bone and nuzzle at his face.
Damn he's cute.
Even Lisa had never treated Dean as gently as Benny had, appropriately, since Dean had been at his most vulnerable when he and Benny had met. Usually, the rare reminders of how much Dean liked being cared for and snuggled and soothed made him uncomfortable – he wasn't supposed to like that shit – but today he found it reassuring. Dean had to pretend to be alright for Ben's sake but what he really wanted was to curl up in bed and let someone else take care of everything.
That wasn't an option, though. There was no way that Dean could ask Benny to do that for him, no way he could accept it if Benny offered, especially now that Ben knew that he and Benny had once been a thing.
"This is just like at Bobby's," Benny rumbled, voice going lower in a Dean remembered from the few heart-to-heart conversations they'd had when they were a thing. Something ached in Dean's chest but he was too tired to figure out what it was. The touch on his wrist felt nice, but it also felt strangely wrong. Their gazes locked, Benny's eyes a beautiful pale blue in the washed out light of an overcast afternoon.
He clearly still cares about me. Maybe I don't have to be alone. I've chosen to be alone, but now that some years past, I don't think Ben would begrudge me a relationship.
The tightness in Dean's chest amplified to a knot so binding he had trouble breathing.
"You don't have to do everyone alone, Dean. Cas is fine where he is, even if Charlie's busted wrist makes it hard for her to do shit. Anna's got a handle on everything."
I'd begrudge me a relationship.
The pain eased somewhat. Looking into Benny's eyes, listening to his words, Dean had a vision of a different pair of blue eyes, small and tilted beneath a curled, disheveled mass of dark hair. When Benny said Castiel's name, something clicked into place in Dean's head and knocked him for a loop, dizzied him when Anna's name got added to the mix. He scarce tracked the rest of what Benny said. A nebulous image of an adult half-octopus, male and even bigger than Anna, formed in Dean's mind. The imaginary man had suspiciously dark, tousled hair, dazzlingly blue eyes, burgundy and navy tentacles, a deep voice, and he tucked Dean into bed, ran tentacles down his sides, carried up a tray of food, helped Ben with his homework…
"JCCC'll hold til tomorrow, too. When they tried to suggest you'd forfeited your chance by not showing up today, Bobby read 'um the riot act. It's not like it was your damn fault you missed your practicum. And we both know middle school is rank bullshit. Ben's doin' fine. Better, now that he's got his daddy back." The image of the half-octopus – of a grown-up Castiel, just be fucking honest with yourself, Winchester – mercifully dissolved.
It's Castiel. As wrong as it fucking is, I don't want a relationship with Benny or anyone else because of Cas. And it's not because I'm worried I'll make him uncomfortable, or because I want to avoid banging someone in the house when he's around, it's because of that fucking dream I had, it's because I was turned on by imagining him as a full-grown adult and all those fucking tentacles and…
…and he's fucking 16 years old and he's my fucking pet and this is wrong on so many levels.
"Dean?" Benny's voice conveyed a world of worry in a single word.
…and he digs Anna.
"Yeah – yeah, I know it'd be fine, but the kid is clearly freaked and the sooner shit in our lives gets back to normal, the better," Dean said, happy to have Ben as an excuse to cover his own disorientation and confusion. Memories of the past two years with Castiel raced confusingly through his head, the images and words and smells and tastes and touches jumbled and out of order and disconnected from reality.
"I'm not a kid, and I'm not freaked," Ben cut in. Dean blinked to find his son standing impatiently beside the car door that Dean had left open. "Seriously, dad, what is with you today?"
"Just wanna get home," Dean lied. "Just wanna put this behind me and focus on what comes next. Not that that's gonna be easy, I think that fricken video is up to 20 million hits now. I hear they showed it on CNN."
Just wanna figure out when I got so screwed up that the thought of my pet half-octopus in the arms of someone else became a cause for jealousy. Just wanna know when I stopped regretting Benny and Lisa and started fantasizing about getting fucked by tentacles – sorry, hectocotyli. Just wanna get this crazy out of my head and focus on the shit that needs to be done – getting through my practicum, getting Ben's life back to normal, getting Castiel back from KC, getting in touch with that damn lawyer for my lawsuit against the city, getting through today, and tomorrow, and next week.
No matter his relative mental age, Castiel is physically a child and he's my friend and he's already interested in someone else. Fuck, he jizzed all over both of us for the first time in his damn life after spending the day with her. And why shouldn't he? I imagine as half-octopus chicks go, Anna is a babe. Her human half sure is hot. And the tentacles…
Dean forced the thought away. Benny and Ben were both staring at him.
"Sorry," he muttered. "Come on, let's do this while I'm still able to." He hopped out of Benny's car and strode towards his, Ben bopping along eagerly in his wake.
"Drive safe, brother!" Benny called after him. Dean nodded. His head throbbed agony. His chest clenched.
Fuck my life.
"Seriously, Dean, these pain meds are the good shit," Charlie gushed, her eyes unfocused as she waved her splinted arm around and grinned at him like a maniac. "I had to have Anna drive for me."
"That's illegal on so many fucking levels," said Dean, rolling his eyes.
"Oh no, well, I wouldn't want to go to jail or anything, that'd be, like, the end of the world," Charlie said sarcastically. Dean whacked her on the shoulder playfully. "Hey, no hitting the injured woman. You owe me. You're famous cause of me."
"Dean, may I show Anna the pool in the backyard?" Castiel cut into their conversation, voice grave. Charlie had been to Dean's house many times but she'd only adopted Anna a few months before and had kept close to home since then. Though Dean and Castiel had been to visit them repeatedly, it was Anna's first time making a return visit. The eagerness with which Castiel had offered to show her around made Dean's heart hurt afresh. Castiel had scarce said hello to Dean, hadn't even asked how he was feeling, before he'd hurried to show Anna his tank. Dean tried to pretend that Castiel's excitement was about returning home – that in the two days he'd spent with Anna and Charlie, he'd missed his tank, he'd missed the house, he'd missed Ben, he'd missed Dean – but his current behavior showed Dean's self-delusional lie for what it was.
"Since when do you need to ask my permission for shit like that?" Dean replied more roughly than he meant to.
Castiel colored a weird pastel shade of purple, ducked his head, but the show of contrition or shame or whatever-the-fuck-Castiel-was-feeling disappeared as he looked up at Anna, tangled a couple tentacles with her and led the way out of the living room and out the back door. Dean watched them go and wished he knew what the fuck was wrong with him. On reflection that morning he'd convinced himself that his supposed revelation during the drive home had been a momentary burst of insanity, an artifact of a shitty day followed by a shitty night followed by a second even shittier day. A good night's sleep was the cure. He'd woken up feeling almost normal. He'd fricken rocked his practicum; it was easy shit for anyone with as many years of experience as a mechanic as Dean had, and the day had been going pretty awesome. He definitely didn't have the hots for his barely-pubescent slave. He definitely hadn't whacked off thinking about tentacles the night before.
"What the hell was that about?" Charlie asked quietly. The half-drunk unsteadiness was gone from her voice. Dean shook his head. There was no way in fuck all he was going to even attempt a reasonable answer to that question. Fuck, he still wasn't sure what the answer was. If this thing wasn't out of his system…what did that even mean? Probably that he was lonely and isolated and hadn't had a date in four years, much less gotten laid. Anyone would be sick of fucking their hand in the shower after that long a dry spell. Even a whole mess of tentacles would start to look damn good. The earnest look in Benny's eyes the day before returned to Dean powerfully. If he went to his friend, Dean was sure he could fix the sex part of the problem.
He didn't want to.
It wasn't about sex.
Sure, sex was part of it, but—
"Dean?" Her concern made something unpleasant twist in Dean's chest.
"It's nothing," he said harshly. If Castiel was into Anna, that was a good thing. The half-octopus was growing up. It wasn't like there were loads of opportunities for Castiel to interact with and meet others of his kind, and if Anna made him happy, Dean should be fucking happy for him – should be happy for both of them.
Soon Ben will be talking about girls or boys or both, bringing a date home, and I bet I'll feel just the same. Nervous and reluctant and ambivalent about watching my boy hit adulthood, thinking about all the ways he won't need me once he grows up.
"It's gotta be something," Charlie objected. "I've never heard you say anything that nasty to Cas, like, ever. This isn't about the rally is it?"
…and if that isn't the crowning example of bullshit in the entire fucking universe I don't know what is.
"Huh?" Dean looked to her, baffled. Her eyes were still a little unfocused, her pupils too big, but she was steady and cognizant. "Why would it be about the rally?"
There's no actual parallel. I don't feel about Castiel the way I feel about Ben. And that's appropriate. I shouldn't feel the same about them. They're nothing alike and my relationship with each of them is completely different.
"He asked you to go," said Charlie. "You'd never have been there if not for him. You wouldn't have been attacked by the cops, you'd never have made international news, you'd never have had a news truck parked outside your house, you'd never have needed a lawyer..." She trailed off, waving a suggestive hand for him to infer the rest.
But how I feel about Castiel is completely inappropriate.
"Fuck," Dean muttered. "Look, you don't think he thinks that, do you? That's not it at all. And no, I'm not going to talk about what it actually is, with you or him or anyone."
…why? Why are my feelings completely inappropriate?
"He was really, really worried about you," said Charlie softly, intent on Dean's face. He kept his expression impassive. "I think he'd have killed that cop who tased you if the other cops hadn't stepped in to stop him. He told me afterwards that he thought you were dead. He'd never seen a taser before, had no idea how they worked, no idea how they affected people. And then the police arrested you and they wouldn't listen to him and I was still in shock and honestly it was a total shit show after you passed out, Dean. If Garth hadn't realized that things were going to hell and come and helped us out I don't know what woulda happened."
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that," Dean said. "I was trying to get you out of there."
"Jeeze, dude, I don't blame you." Dropping into one of the dining room chairs, Charlie gestured for Dean to do the same. "I just…I'm glad you're okay. And I'm glad he's okay. And I'm glad everyone is okay, like Madge and Pastor Jim and Meg and all my other friends who were there. I'm glad it's all good. Except, based on your reaction just now, maybe it's not all good for you."
"It's all good," Dean replied quellingly, grabbing a chair, spinning it around and straddling it. "I'm sorry I freaked you out. I'm sorry I freaked him out. I'll apologize later."
"So, what happens now?" she asked.
"Fuck if I know," Dean said. "The cop who attacked me is this douche bag named Adler. His colleagues fricken hate him. One of them, an officer named Henriksen, asked me to help get Adler fired. Suggested I go after the State for all the illegal shit that went down the other day, and, like, help out overturning Statute 40.15.4b. Gave me the number of a dude – a lawyer – named Cain, who—"
"Wait, Tim Cain?"
"Uh…yeah, I think that's the name his voicemail said."
"You don't know who Tim Cain is? You don't know who Tim Cain is!" Charlie repeated herself incredulously and dug her phone out of her pocket. "Tell me you at least Googled him before you called."
"I Googled him before I called him," said Dean. "And I'm lying." She tapped at her phone for a moment and then thrust it at him. Dean took it and was confronted with a Wikipedia page featuring a head shot of a man whose wild bush of hair and thick beard were incongruous with his piercing, steady gaze and the finely cut suit over his shoulders. "He's hot."
"Dean!"
"What? He is." Dean shrugged and scrolled down the page to read what it said.
Timothy Cain (born July 29, 1969) is an American lawyer specializing in constitutional law. He has recently become a national figure in the Halfling Rights Movement after he represented Aaron Bass and his centaur Golem in their case against the State of Pennsylvania. Bass was arrested and Golem was imprisoned after Bass attempted to register the centaur to vote under a false identity. The case is now on appeal and Cain is expected to present arguments to the Supreme Court later this fall.
The article went on to discuss Cain's history, his experience, and other cases he'd argued. Dean skimmed it, but caught enough to see that Cain had taken on several other halfling-related cases since he began representing Bass, and that two of the others were likely to reach the Supreme Court, too.
"So, kinda a big deal?" Dean glanced up at Charlie and back down at the screen. "And hot?"
"Ugh, don't be a jerk," Charlie laughed and smacked him in the arm with her goddamn cast. Dean yelped and Charlie laughed harder. "This is the best flail I've ever had. I'm gonna fucking pown LARP next weekend."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Dean grumbled.
"What is a big deal?"
Startled into silence, Dean looked up to see that Anna and Castiel had returned. Anna was smiling at their laughter but Castiel was looking at him seriously, expression inexplicably sad.
"You and Dean are gonna be famous," said Charlie. "Well, even more famous than you already are."
"One of the police officers in Topeka wants to work with me to challenge some of the laws in Kansas that restrict halflings," Dean explained hastily. He felt like he'd done nothing but explain since he got out of lock up the previous day. "He gave me the name of a lawyer I should call. I said I'd help."
"Oh." Castiel looked profoundly uncomfortable. A wash of shame threatened to fricken drown Dean. He'd agreed to help Henriksen tackle the horrid Kansas legal restrictions against halflings. Doing so would inevitably involve Castiel. Dean hadn't even thought to ask Castiel if he was okay helping out.
"Uh…if that's okay with you," Dean added, talking in a rush to cover how sick he felt that he'd taken Castiel's acquiescence for granted. "Like, we both know the laws are shit here and Henriksen thought that since that video of us went viral we'd be in a good position to help deal with shit but if you're not comfortable being in the public eye we don't have to, I can still tell him no. I mean, the shit Adler did still crossed lines and I think I should pursue the legal case against the city cause it's crazy that they didn't take me to a fricken hospital after stunning my ass unconscious but we don't have to do the rest, and—"
"Dean."
"—I know you don't like big crowds and this will be big crowds, like, 24/7, I can't say that part is particularly appealing to me either but I hate how shit is right now and I never thought I'd have the chance to make a difference in the world about anything that mattered. I mean, I hoped that, like, I'd fix some car and maybe someone who would have died in a car accident would instead be totally fine but this is different. But it was wrong of me to assume that you'd be on board and I didn't even ask you and geeze I'm sorry I'm such a fricken clueless selfish tool sometimes."
Charlie and Anna stared at Dean as if he'd lost his fucking mind. Maybe he had, kinda, just a little. He hated when he reflected on his actions and realized he'd behaved in a way that shone a spotlight on his internalized racism. He didn't take Castiel for granted - he didn't - and yet he'd assumed that Castiel would go along with Dean's stupid change the world bullshit and that was so wrong because Castiel was his own person with freewill and choice and-
"So yeah, I mean, it's cool if you don't want to I'm sure there are plenty of other people and halflings who'd be happy to be the latest poster child for the movement, I mean Charlie was in that video too and everyone knows her name, now, too, it's not just me and she's got Anna and I know Anna went through some shit so maybe the two of them would like to instead or-"
"Dean," Castiel interrupted again. Charlie and Anna were still looking at Dean as if he'd lost his fucking mind. Flushed with embarrassment, he focused on the floor beneath Castiel's curling tentacles. "What exactly would we be doing?"
"Um...I dunno," Dean admitted. "I mean, there's the lawsuit against the Topeka police department - that's about them stunning me and arresting me and shit. So that doesn't involve you. But…so, I know in a lot of the recent cases involving homosexuality, the initial legal challenges weren't accidental. Instead, they were intentionally planned - someone came up with a scenario intended to break the law and then found a willing gay person or people to go along with that scenario and, bam, perfect legal case to show that the laws were busted. I got the sense, listening to Henriksen, that he's thinking something similar? Like, you and I would do something to challenge Statue 40.15.4b? Heck, maybe they think that what happened at the rally is already enough for that? Or maybe they'll want to go after one of the federal laws; they've already challenged the rules preventing halflings from voting, and that gets at the citizenship question, but there's a bunch of other restrictions, too, like...like…" Drawing a blank, Dean barely stopped himself from suggesting marriage, the only thing that sprang to mind. Challenging the laws that prevented halfling unions wasn't an option for them, not yet, because Castiel was too young.
Of course, if Castiel and Anna wanted to get married, they'd make a perfect test case, right?
Dean wished that thought would die in a fricken fire. Damn fucking jealousy.
"Like equal protection under the law, of course," Charlie filled in the silence. "And all the other rights of citizenship - holding a job, having a passport, traveling freely, all that jazz. Marriage." Dean's tension ratcheted up and he pretended he didn't see the look that Anna and Castiel exchanged. "Heck, maybe they'll suggest you try to run for office!" Thank fucking God Charlie kept talking, bless her fricken heart... "Like, only natural-born US citizens can try to get elected president, and theoretically anyone born in the country should count as a natural-born US citizen except that halflings are denied citizenship, so if you wanted to hold an elected office…"
"And if we do this, we'd change things in Lawrence?" Castiel asked.
"You'd change things in Lawrence, in Kansas, throughout the country," Anna said warmly, encouragement in her voice and her body language. Curling her tentacles back, she dropped down low enough that, though she couldn't look Castiel in the eye, she at least wasn't towering over him. "Maybe even all over the world. Surely, other countries with similar legislation will consider the justice of their laws if things start to change in the United States."
Nodding slowly, uncertainly, Castiel looked away, towards his tank, the curled tips of his arms twitching with nerves.
"You don't need to decide right away," Dean offered.
"I'll do it," said Castiel.
"Are you sure, Castiel?" said Dean. "Once we're in the spotlight there won't be any not being in the spotlight.
"We're already in the spotlight," Castiel replied gravely. "I want things to change. It's only right that I be willing to help with that change, since I've been given the opportunity."
"This is fricken awesome!" Charlie exclaimed, leaping to her feet, startling the two half-octopi so badly that they edged away from her. "Dean, I'm so, so, so, so glad you're doing this. And you too, Cas! And of course I'll help however I can!"
"Me too," Anna chimed in.
"We're gonna change the world, guys!"
Stunned, but not displeased, Dean exchanged a determined look with Castiel. The halfling's face was stern and set, his eyes a deep blue challenge.
Dean wanted to change the world. He wanted to change the world for Castiel. Even if that meant that Castiel ended up riding off into the sunset with Anna. Castiel deserved to make that choice for himself, even if the choices he ultimately made led him away from Dean and his family.
"Alright. Sure. Phew. We got this. Let's do this shit!"
Dean's phone chimed a cascade of overlapping pings when he finally turned it back on. Scrolling through his notification list, he saw that most were people he'd already spoken to – Charlie, Benny, Bobby, Garth, Ash, the list went on – but there was one he hadn't. With a sigh, he opened the window to view what his brother had written him.
Sam Winchester (5:42 PM 9/19/16): Was that just you on CNN?
Sam Winchester (5:44 PM 9/19/16): Holy shit dude what happened? Are you okay?
Sam Winchester (5:51 PM 9/19/16): Bobby says he doesn't know where you are or what's going on.
Sam Winchester (5:59 PM 9/19/16): Seriously are you going to outreach to anyone? Aren't you worried about Ben?
Sam Winchester (6:31 PM 9/19/16): The news says you've been arrested? I'm guessing that's why you're not checking your phone?
Sam Winchester (6:58 PM 9/19/16): Dean, if you see this, Ben's fine – he's with Benny. Don't worry we won't let anything happen to him even if I have to come back from school to watch him myself. I'm next of kin the state will let me watch him without sending him off somewhere. No matter what we won't let anything happen to him so don't worry.
Sam Winchester (7:03 PM 9/19/16): I don't know why I'm writing all this when it's damn obvious you're not seeing it but I know you and you must be worried about him so hopefully you see this and it helps.
Sam Winchester (8:14 PM 9/19/16): I'll stop flooding your phone now don't want to waste your battery when the screen lights up every time you get a text but let me know what's going on when you can.
Sam Winchester (8:21 PM 9/19/16): Sorry I was an asshole about stuff before I knew what was going on. I know you wouldn't ditch Ben. I was out of line.
Sam Winchester (8:33 PM 9/19/16): Take care of yourself Dean. Be careful!
Dean sighed. That was probably exactly why his phone had died overnight at the police station: all his friends freaking out and calling him and texting him ran the battery down. Frowning at the string of texts, Dean considered how to reply.
He and Sammy weren't close.
For years, Dean convinced himself he was upset about that, rambled to his foster siblings, his teachers, anyone who would listen, that he had an awesome younger brother and that he missed him and it was the shit-ass system's fault that they were separated. There was a time when every word was true, beyond the shadow of a doubt, but then Sam got placed with Bobby and Ellen and Jo and they wanted to keep him while Dean was shunted from family to family, city to city, fuck, even state to state sometimes. On some level, no matter what his father or anyone said, Dean had always thought himself as deserving as Sam. But as even the good foster parents decided that Dean had no place in their homes, Dean couldn't hold on to that belief. Sam was adoptable. Sam was loveable.
Dean was the boy nobody wanted.
It was unfair to resent his brother's good fortune, and Dean lied to himself and said he wasn't jealous, wasn't bitter, but he was. Dean's unacknowledged feelings drove a wedge between them. At first Dean just felt like a heel, taking his crap out on his brother even though his brother never fricken said so much as boo in return, but as Sam got older and fought back against Dean's unreasonable anger, the rare occasions when they talked grew even more rare and distance grew between them. Not until Lisa forced Dean to accept how resentful he'd become was Dean able to repair the rift between them.
Now, they were working on it.
If I'm not careful, the same thing will happen with Castiel. I'll act like more and more of a dickwad to him over the Anna…whatever…until I fucking destroy our friendship as well.
Dean still was a jerk sometimes. Sam still said shit like what he'd said about Ben, accusing Dean of indifference even though they both knew that was total bull. Part of Dean was pissed, felt that Sam's apology was inadequate, and sure, maybe it was, but his real apology was the reassurance Sam had offered that he'd never let Ben go through what Dean and Sam went through. Dean recognized Sam's olive branch for what it was and, with another sigh, let his anger go.
I won't be the reason my family falls apart. Never. Never again.
Sam had found happiness, and had helped Dean too despite Dean's epic assholery. When Lisa got pregnant and Dean and her decided to get hitched, Sam hooked Dean up with Bobby. None of the good shit that came to Dean after that would have happened if not for Sam. And even with that Dean had nearly driven his brother away. Thank fucking God that he'd figured out that the future was more important than the past. Nothing Sam or Dean did could change that their childhood was fucked but that didn't mean that their adulthood had to be fucked too.
Castiel is a part of my family, just like Sam, and I won't risk the relationship we have because I'm a petty bitchy 15 year old girl over this non-existent relationship situation that I've invented in my own head. Castiel is into Anna. Anna is into Castiel. End of story.
They both had grown up pretty awesome, really. Sam was engaged to Jo, Ellen's daughter from a previous marriage and Sam's foster sister; they lived in Boston while Jo attended fucking MIT for engineering and Sam worked as a exhibit interpreter at the Boston Museum of Science, which as far as Dean could tell meant he was a glorified tour guide. The two were talking about moving back to Kansas after they got married to be closer to family.
Nothing was more important than family.
Though the brothers had mended bridges, sometimes Dean wished that Sam and Jo would stay far away. Sam had too many of the things that Dean had told himself he wasn't allowed to wish for. Seeing him happy made Dean happy, but it also made Dean hurt, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. How he felt was how he felt.
And if tentacles turn me on, it's not like I can fucking help that.
Wow. Way to be absolutely disgusting and make totally inappropriate mental segues. Good job, self.
Shoving the thoughts into the damn pit where it belonged, Dean typed out a reply to his brother as he sat on the JCCC campus, waiting for the start of an advisement meeting. His nerves flared every time he was on campus. This wasn't his place. He didn't belong here. Except that he did; he was a paying student and had as much right to be there as any other student. He'd spent the morning in a meeting with the professor who gave his practicum, and as Dean had hoped he'd totally owned it. They were letting him skip a full year of classes and suggesting he should set up an independent study so that he could focus on the restoration and shit that really interested him. Good things had come to Dean. He wasn't the boy nobody wanted, not any more. He had a family. God, he loved having a family.
Dean Winchester (9:56 AM): Hey Sammy thanks for getting in touch just got your text messages. We're all fine.
Dean Winchester (9:58 AM): Ben spent Monday night with Bobby cause seriously dude you've got the coolest family in the world. Charlie and her half-octopus Anna took in Castiel until I got back.
Dean Winchester (9:59 AM): Cops took my phone and by the time I got it back the battery was toast. Been so damn busy that I didn't get it charged again until this morning.
Sam Winchester (10:01 AM): Dude you're all over the news. I heard you've got an interview on Good Morning America next week and something about an appearance on the Daily Show and wtf? Are you cool with this?
Dean Winchester (10:02 AM): Not really but I don't have much choice. That video Garth took went viral and I don't like the way the world is now. If I can change shit it'd be wrong of me to keep quiet right?
Sam Winchester (10:03 AM): Wow.
Dean Winchester (10:03 AM): ?
Sam Winchester (10:03 AM): That's awesome dude. Good luck.
Sam Winchester (10:04 AM): You and Castiel are gonna kick it in the ass, as Jo would say.
Dean Winchester (10:07 AM): Thanks, Sammy.
Dean Winchester (10:08 AM): We'll do our best.
Stuffing the phone in his pocket, Dean rose to head to his advisement meeting. He had a busy day – two more meetings on campus, some textbooks to buy, a phone meeting schedule with Tim Cain, an interview on the local news about the rally, and somewhere in midst of all that he had to study and get Ben from school and watch Dr. Sexy with Castiel and figure out a time to get Castiel to KC for another visit with Anna and, and, and…
Nerves flared when Dean tried to think about all the things he had to do, so he focused only on the one directly in front of him. If he took the tasks one at a time, they wouldn't seem nearly so overwhelming.
It was going to be a busy fall.
Endnote: I'll try to get the next one done by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.
Don't forget, you can always follow me on tumblr for updates of how things are going - unforth-ninawaters dot tumblr dot com!
