That's Why My Hand Was Shaking by Teenage Anomaly


Time, is going by, so much faster than I
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of here with you
Now I'm wondering why I've kept this bottled inside
So I'm starting to regret not selling all of it to you
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall
You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

Chapter Seven: Glimpses of Perfection

The next thing I knew, Sawyer was climbing to his feet, a very, very angry look on his face. I grabbed his arm and he actually dragged me forwards a few inches through the sand, the muscles in his back taut.

"James! What the heck are ya doing?"

"I'm gonna make sure he dies this time," he growled, looking down at me, very angry.

"No- Sawyer!"

He'd jerked out of my grasp and had strode out of the tent. Swearing, I clambered to my feet and stumbled after him, tripping and sliding in the sand as I pushed the tent flap out of the way to see him making for the jungle. My heart stopped. I would bet any amount of money that Richard was in there, and if Sawyer met him, I didn't want to think about what would happen. I ran after him, grabbing his arm. He turned to look down at me.

"Sawyer, look, don't, alright? It'll all be okay-"

He was glowering down at me and I sighed. "Dude, it'll do more harm than good if you go barging into the jungle at night-"

"Why? Someone out there?" He turned back to the jungle. I said nothing, just stared around at the trees with wide eyes, hoping that Richard or Elliot would realize that I did not want them to reveal themselves.

-

Elliot glanced at Richard. "Should we help her out?"

But Richard was shaking with silent laughter, and could only shake his head. Elliot stared at him.

"When did you get a personality transplant?"

Still trying to repress laughter, Richard merely pointed at Katty, whose eyes might have rivaled Bambi's at that moment. They could feel the panic rolling off of her in waves, and Elliot did admit that it was rather funny how Ford towered almost a foot over her.

-

"Katty? Is there someone out there?" Sawyer was staring down at me. I winced, looking at him out of the corner of my eye, grimacing, leaning away from him apprehensively.

"Um… maybe?"

-

"Damn kid," swore Elliot as Ford's face tightened and he whirled his head to stare at the jungle. "She's gonna get us- well, not killed, exactly."

Richard had gained control of himself, but he was still grinning. Elliot wasn't used to seeing him this… light-hearted. Normally he, Elliot, was the one who couldn't stay focused.

"Give her some credit," Richard said. "Looks like she's got it under control."

-

"James, I've got it under control," I said frantically, and he whipped his head around to stare incredulously at me.

"Kat, ya' jus' told me ya got somma the goddamn Others talin' ya, and you think you got it under control?"

"…yeah?"

He blinked down at me, before shaking his head, a reluctant grin spreading over his face. "You are something new, kiddo."

"Like you can talk- mmf."

Without warning, he bent down and kissed me, his big, rough hands cupping my face. My brain spluttered and died, before I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back, completely forgetting about the fact that Richard or Elliot may very well be watching.

-

Elliot blinked. Richard's eyes narrowed.

"She didn't do that with me," they said in unison. Then they turned to each other and said, their brows furrowing, "What?"

-

Day Fifty-Two

There is nothing quite like waking up in the arms of a fictional character. Sawyer- and Boone before him- had slept with me wrapped in their arms, held close to their chests, and whenever I woke up, it never ceased to hit me like a ton of bricks- this isn't supposed to be real. He isn't supposed to be real.

But James was very real. His arm, draped over my stomach, was warm and heavy, and his other arm was angled over our heads. My back was pressed against his shirtless chest and his face was buried in the nape of my neck, his breathing even and soft. I was warm, wrapped in the arms of a man who wasn't supposed to be real.

Sawyer. Man, my best friends and I used to drool over him, squeal and shriek whenever he came out on the screen shirtless, wanted to claw Kate's eyes out whenever she kissed him- and now, here I was. Lying in his arms. Funny, the places life will take you.

I turned in his arms so that I was facing him and nestled under his chin, a grin on my face as I closed my eyes and slowly drifted back off into sleep, Sawyer's even, quiet breathing and the crashing of the waves the only lullaby I wanted.

-

"You, my darlin', are a raving beauty," came Sawyer's amused voice out of the haze of sleep. I merely groaned and rubbed my face on my arm before blinking up at him.

"Lemme sleep."

"It's almost noon, love. Time ta get up."

"No fanks."

I'd closed my eyes and was almost back asleep when the bastard poked me in the side. I twitched violently with a squeak and opened my eyes to glare at him. He was grinning widely, his bright blue eyes delighted.

"Don't," I growled, and he laughed.

"Oooh, whatcha gonna do?"

I merely looked at him before closing my eyes once more, and then the next thing I knew, Sawyer was lying across my stomach.

"Ooof!"

He began squeezing my sides, laughing the entire time and I started spazzing, grinning involuntarily, laughing at him.

"Knock it off, c'mon, Sawyer-"

I grabbed his side and he twisted away from me, still laughing.

"Midge," he said, in what was supposed to be a warning tone, although the fact that he could barely speak for laughter made it somewhat less threatening, "don't cha even think about it-"

"Oh, like that stopped you!"

Before either of us knew it, we'd gone from poking each other to-

"HIGH SCORE!" I crowed triumphantly, on my knees, as I whacked him upside the head with the pillow.

He gave me a very dangerous look. "Oh, Midge, you are gonna pay for that."

"And I'm sure I'll enjoy it immensely."

He grabbed the other pillow and launched himself at me. I dived out of the way, laughing hysterically.

"Oooh, missed me, whatcha gonna do now, loser- oof!"

With a muffled "thwack", the pillow came into contact with my stomach, knocking the air out of me and sending me sprawling on the sand. He doubled over, laughing hysterically with his arms wrapped around his middle. I glowered at him and I sat upright.

"It is ON, cowboy."

"Try and get me, midge-"

I reached into my bag and grabbed and sharpie. He raised his eyebrows, grinning.

"I'm terrified- oof! Get offa me, ya crazy hobbit!"

For I had thrown myself across the tent and knocked him flat on his back and was now sitting on his stomach, trying to draw on his face. The smiley face I'd just scribbled on his chest looked like it'd been drawn by a blind epileptic.

"Dammit, Katty, gerroffme!"

"Never! Stop moving, darnit!"

I attacked his face with the sharpie, first giving him a lightening bolt on his forehead, and that was all I managed because he bucked, throwing me off onto the sand, where I lay, laughing so hard I cried, slamming my fists into the ground. Sawyer glared at me.

"Glad you find this so amusing."

"Hey," I wheezed, sitting up, tears leaking out of my eyes and I tried to regain control of my lungs. "You started it."

He still glared at me, and with the lightening bolt on his forehead and the smiley face on his chest also staring at me, I completely lost control once again.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, shorty."

"Alright, Harry Potter."

He pulled a shirt on (darn) and I sat up, crawling over to my own suitcase and pulling out a pair of jean shorts. I rose to my feet and pulled them on, hopping around the tent as I did so. Sawyer stared at me.

"Problems?"

"Our tent looks like it got hit by a tornado," I remarked. It did. The sand was uneven and our blankets were all twisted from our fight. I was still out of breath and his hair was sticking up in some amazing direction. We grinned at each other suddenly.

"Wonder how many people are standin' outside the tent-"

"-thinking we just had the best freaking sex ever?" I finished, grinning widely. He shrugged, stepping towards me, and I felt a familiar heat curling around my stomach.

"Might as well give 'em a bit o' what they want."

Normally, Sawyer was the one who instigated our kisses. This time, however, I gave him a very wide smile and closed the distance between us quickly, reaching up and pulling his face down to mine, kissing him, hard, on his full and still open lips.

He tasted like salt.

He pulled away seconds later, staring at me, something dark in his eyes. I just grinned back up at him, slightly breathless.

"I love you," he said, suddenly, and he immediately gritted his jaw, as though the words had escaped without ever once going through his brain for permission.

My heart stopped. And, stupidly, completely knowing that it was just going to hurt us more, I smiled and said, "The feeling's mutual, darlin'."

Then I kissed him again.

We walked out of the tent a few minutes later, side by side, grinning stupidly. We weren't holding hands- neither of us was big on PDA and, although everyone knew we were together, we didn't feel that anyone needed anymore ammunition, as it were.

We were on shift at the hatch so, still grinning like idiots, we entered the jungle. My eyes met Sayid's, just briefly, and his eyes tightened ever so slightly.

Laughing, I turned back to Sawyer and grinned up at him.

How's that for pain, Sayid?

-

Being with Sawyer was… perfect. We were both enormous goofballs at heart (I shrieked loudly and he fell laughing against a tree after he sprang out at me and nearly gave me a heart attack), we were both total geeks when it came to books (he'd taken my now out of use glasses because they were "damn near his prescription"), and, most importantly, we were the same. We looked uncannily alike, with blonde hair, black eyebrows and piercing blue eyes, we were both sarcastic and used nicknames far too often, we were both murderers torn over what we had done, and we had the same ice in our souls. In a lot of ways, it seemed like we were made for each other.

But we weren't. He didn't know that, but I did. Only too well.

"Can I have a piggy back ride?" I asked him suddenly and he stopped in his tracks and stared at me.

"This is cause I scared ya, ain't it?"

"Hey, what are you saying?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes although a grin was spreading over his face as he turned so that his back was to me.

"Alright."

I made a running jump and slid down his back, laughing.

"Jump higher, ya hobbit."

I made it this time, wrapping my legs around his waist and clutching around his neck.

"Can't breathe, dwarf."

I loosened my grip and ruffled his hair with one hand. "You are amazing, James."

"So I've heard," he chuckled, his cheek lifting in a grin. I kicked his thigh with my heel.

"Ow! Hey!"

"Oh, I barely kicked you. Man up, jeez-"

He dumped me to the ground and stood towering over me with his hands on his hips and a dangerous grin on his feet. "Alright, my turn."

"What?" I asked, climbing to my feet.

"You're gonna give me a ride this time."

"As much as I'd like to let you ride me, James, it's not happening."

Without warning, there was an enormous cackling weight on my back. I let out an "oof" as my legs buckled underneath my and fell to the ground with Sawyer on top of me.

"Mmm," he said, smirking. "Now, this I like."

"You may like it, but your elbow is on my freaking bladder and if you don't move it this is not going to be pretty-"

"What the hell is going on?"

Sawyer turned his head sharply and I craned my neck to see Jack and Locke, the latter of whom was looking quite amused, the former, more than a little pissed.

"Doc!" exclaimed Sawyer, leaping to his feet and giving Jack a smart salute. "What brings you here?"

I climbed to my feet and Jack gave me a long look.

Yeah, like the quadrangle needed to be more screwed up than it already was.

"We're going back to the beach," he said, gesturing to Locke, who still looked highly amused. "What are you two doing?"

"We're on button duty," said Sawyer, putting an arm around my shoulders. Jack's eyes went to me again and I gave him a grin.

"That alright?" continued Sawyer. "Can we pass, Gandalf?"

I gave a bark of laughter.

Arm still around my shoulders, we walked past the two of them, deeper into the jungle that felt like home.

-

"Air conditioning!" we cried in unison upon entering the hatch. My eyes fell on the table and I had a sudden, vivid image of myself, lying shirtless and bloody on top of it.

Then I looked to the armory, and a wide and rather stupid grin spread over my face. Just a few more days and Benjamin Linus would be in there, a fact which made me ridiculously excited. There was a scratching noise and I looked around to see Sawyer bent over the record player. He straightened up seconds later with a smile on his face, and some low-key catchy music began to play.

"Who's this?" I asked as he sauntered over to me, a smirk on his face.

"Geronimo Jackson," he said. "Whoever the hell that is."

"Good music."

" 'D like to second that."

He bent down to kiss me, more gently than normal.

I melted.

-

Sawyer slept, sprawled on the couch, and I slipped off to take a shower. Once I was clean, smelling floral and quite good, if I do say so myself, I wandered over to the couch and curled up on top of him. He was sound asleep, but his arm curled around my shoulders as I lay my wet head on his chest, drifting off to sleep, warm and comfortable and clean and safe.

-

The beeping of the alarm to the computer awoke us. Sawyer sat bolt upright, sending me tumbling off the couch in a heap. I lay on the floor for a few seconds, not sure what the hell had happened. Sawyer stared down at me and this burst into laughter.

"I have no clue what just happened," I said honestly, and he rose to his feet, extending a hand to me. I grasped it and pulled myself up and we made our way into the computer room.

"Isn't that a permanent state o' mind fer you, midge?"

I poked him in the side as he sat down to the computer and began to type in the numbers. "Hey, watch it! I'm so close to beating Mario."

"… you, my friend, are a nerd."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from the girl who reads Jurassic Park!"

"It's a good book!"

"Hell, I know, it's just not the kinda thing I'd expect you t' enjoy…"

He finished entering the numbers and the alarm flipped back up to 108. We both looked at it before he turned his gaze to me and jabbed a thumb at the clock.

"That real?"

"Obviously, retard."

"You know what I mean."

"… yeah. It's real."

He shrugged, a grin spreading over his face. " 'S good enough for me."

-

We spent the day sleeping, goofing off, and pushing the button. Mostly sleeping. Whenever we'd wake up, it'd take us a while to get into the computer room to punch the button because we'd 'fight' with each other, laughing and panting, trying to get the upper hand. These 'fights' normally ended with me clinging to Sawyer's back as he tried to get me off of him. "Like a damn leech," he'd laughingly described me.

It was evening by the time we exited the hatch and headed back home. Sawyer had an arm slung casually around my shoulders, and that was a testament to how much he liked me because he'd told me in the hatch how much he hated PDA. Of course, we were alone in the jungle, but still.

We were almost at the beach when I saw Richard. He nodded at me, and I told Sawyer I needed to use the bathroom, to go on. He made fun of me, kissed me, and left the jungle, his strut even cockier than normal. I turned to Richard, a silly, stupid smile on my face thanks to Sawyer.

He said nothing, which was unusual. I felt slightly awkward; this kiss that never should have happened seemed to grow a personality of itself and proceeded to sit between us, making loud noises and generally drawing attention to itself.

"What's up?" I said finally.

His brows furrowed infinitesimally, but he still said nothing. I glanced behind me to make sure we were alone.

"What are you doing here, Richard?"

"I wanted to see you," he said simply, and my heart began doing backflips. "And I needed to ask you something."

Confessions of undying love and other various cheesy romantic situations ran through my mind as I fought to keep my face blank.

"Ask away."

"How much have you told Ford?"

My heart fell but I kept my face neutral and shrugged. "Nothing."

"Don't lie. I saw you two, last night. You told him about Elliot, didn't you?"

I stared up at him, but his face was guarded. So guarded that it didn't look guarded; although, granted, he'd had several thousands of years to perfect the technique, whereas I'd had sixteen.

"Okay, yeah, I did," I said finally, and then continued, very quickly, before he could get a word in, "but I had to tell him. It was killing me, and I had to get it out-"

"Is he going to cause problems?"

I stared at him. Something seemed off. "No. Never… he wouldn't want to, uh, get me in trouble, or anything…"

For a second, Richard looked like he wanted to say something. But then he simply nodded and turned to disappear into the jungle. For some completely insane reason, I reached out and gently grabbed his arm. He turned back to me, a kind of detached surprise in those black eyes.

"Is… is everything alright?" I asked him quickly, turning red. "You seem kinda… off."

He stared at me, long and hard. "You're an odd girl."

"It's been mentioned. And you're changin' the subject."

"There's going to be a man, coming here. Soon."

"I know," I said, nodding. "Ben."

He stared at me.

"Richard, you already knew I know everything. But… don't tell Ben."

After a moment, he nodded. "Alright."

I was still holding his arm.

"So," he said, the darkness in his eyes lifting just slightly, "you and Ford?"

"Yep."

"Is this one going to die?"

My heart lurched. "Not that I know of."

"But it won't work, anyway."

He could read me way too well. I finally let go of his arm, shrugging. "No, it won't."

"Why would you do that?" he asked softly. "Fall for someone you could never completely give yourself to?"

"Dude, it's not like I can help it."

He raised his eyebrows slightly. "You could try."

Or faces were definitely getting closer, the tension intensifying. My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt like a whore. For however brief a time, I was with Sawyer.

Our lips were less than an inch away when I heard James calling my name. In a flash, Richard was several feet away from me. He gave me a nod, said, "Be watching for Benjamin," and then he was gone, disappearing into the jungle just as James appeared at my side. He looked down at me.

"You weren't usin' the bathroom at all, were ya, Katie?"

His voice wasn't accusing. Quiet, resigned, and a little sad, but not accusing.

"No," I said. "I wasn't."

-

"You told her?"

Richard shrugged as the shorter man stared angrily at him. "She won't tell anyone, Ben."

"Do you have any idea what you've risked-" Ben's voice was rising in anger, but Richard's eyes flashed to him suddenly and he trailed off, meeting the ancient man's black gaze. Richard wasn't a particularly tall man, maybe 5'10, but there was something about him that just felt wrong. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was fixing Benjamin in a very dark, very irritated glare.

Ben didn't accuse him of ignorance again.

"This girl," he said, minutes later, widening his eyes slightly. "Is she worth it?"

"Worth what?" asked Richard, very quietly. Ben shrugged.

"Worth all the time. You've been spending almost all of your time down at the beach since the crash just… just watching her. Is it worth it?"

There was a long and silent moment before Richard replied. "Don't play your games with me, Benjamin Linus. They won't work."

He'd turned on his heel and had almost reached the door when Ben called, "Sorry. Just have to wonder, you know. Almost seemed like you're emotionally invested in her."

At this, Richard turned and stared at him. Ben looked unblinkingly back; he was one of the few people who could meet Richard's eyes for more than seconds at a time.

"But then," he said, raising his eyebrows. "That'd just be ridiculous, wouldn't it? You don't get emotionally invested. You don't get involved, do you, Richard?"

Richard looked at him for a moment later, Katty's crooked grin swimming behind his eyes.

"No," he said. "I don't."

With that, he opened Ben's door and strode out of the house and into the jungle, his heart pounding hard, his arms swinging at his sides.

You don't get involved, do you, Richard?

Not normally.

But this time, he hadn't been able to help himself.

LOST


"Never Gonna be Alone" by Nickleback, Sawyer.

A/N: Ah, fluff. How I love it. School has started and so this story is now going to be taking the backseat. Just accept that updates will be slower.

This chapter was a lot of fun to write. It was really light-hearted and just good, silly, adorable fun. I love having Sawyer and Katty play off of each other. Also, I am seeing a new favorite in reviewers: Katty/Jack. It's not gonna happen :). At least not on the island. There may be some kind of 'encounter' later, post oceanic six, but don't count on it. I have pretty much decided what the final relationship is going to be. If you haven't noticed, the different seasons have been different "men", if you will. First season was Boone. This one is, obviously, Sawyer. But you may have noticed something else... with the end of last season, the Boone/Katty stuff was officially drawn to a close. Does she still miss him? Of course. Will he still be featured? Duh. But remember- the end of a season marks the end of a relationship. It's kind of a way of clearing the board.

GAME TIME! In which seasons do you think the men in Katty's life will star? (which men is up to you- the seasons are season 2-6 and there can be more than one man per season, but no more than two) Whoever guesses the closest gets and VERY important cameo (as yourself, not a character, so I'm afraid you have to be female) in the backstory of a VERY important character, who is not Elliot Alpert, Locke, or Jack, or a boar, or smokey. I'm not going to tell you who the cameo is with. If you win, I'll send you a message, and you need to send me one back with basic information. Nothing stalkery, just your basic looks and personality. It'll all be in the message. :)

TRUST ME. YOU'RE GONNA WANT THIS CAMEO.

Love,

Sarah.