A first date, some backstory, and some of Helena's internal musings.


Helena picked her up at 7 and they headed to a restaurant called Velvet in the Manchester gay village. Myka didn't realise when she moved here that Manchester and Salford were so close, and she was surprised at the size of the gay village and the gay scene here. Velvet was a small underground restaurant that served really good food. Myka had been here a few times with Pete, who had a black belt in restaurants. It hadn't, however, been this romantic with Pete. Or at all.

"So, is this place all right for you?" Helena asked, uncharacteristically nervous.

Myka nodded happily. The idea of being out on a date with Helena was wonderful. She would have been happy in KFC. That it was such a nice place was just the icing on the extremely hot English cake. Helena smiled at her and then turned to her menu. She ordered, as Myka thought she would, a fillet steak, medium rare. Myka ordered monkfish.

Helena took her hand.

"I can't believe I'm here, with you," she said, looking a little dazed.

"You can't believe it? Are you kidding me? I thought we would never get here. Especially after what happened before," Myka said, taking a sip of her wine.

"Which part?" Helena asked, "When we had incredible, hot sex all night in your apartment, or when we had incredible, hot sex all night at my house?"

"Either," Myka said, truthfully. Her breath quickened a little.

"You are incredible, Myka," Helena said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Myka said, nodding.

"Oh, shut up. I mean it. You are. You might not realise it, but I do. And I'm not the only one."

Myka laughed.

"Like who?"

"Half your students are in love with you, Myka. Mr Weaver is only the rather unpleasant tip of that particular iceberg. And half the staff too!"

Myka dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"Did Professor Nielsen say something to you? Because I have had a crush on him for the longest time…"

Helena swatted her arm.

"You are ridiculous, Myka. If you don't even know how amazing you are, there is no helping you, I'm afraid."

"Well, maybe if you tell me enough times, it might sink in," Myka said lightly.

Helena looked at her intently.

"Perhaps I will."

They talked about their studies, their families – things that they both knew bits about, but not the full story. Helena didn't realise that Myka had grown up in a bookstore, and Myka wasn't aware of just how rich Helena's family were. They owned half of Kent, apparently. The real surprise was when she asked Helena to finally tell her about her previous career in songwriting.

Helena ducked her head nervously.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

Myka eyed her curiously.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, it has to do with Christina's father, actually. And it's been a while since I've been on a date, but I believe it's bad form to talk about exes on a first date."

"I think, since we've known each other for a while, we can probably let that rule slide," Myka said. "But if you're uncomfortable talking about it, that's fine."

"Well, it's not particularly pleasant to revisit, but it is my past, so…"

Myka took her hand and squeezed it for a moment, comfortingly. Then she remembered that they were actually on a date, and she could hold Helena's hand, could touch her the way had she always wanted to. She ran her thumb over Helena's knuckles, enjoying the feeling of the warm skin under her fingers. She was so intent on the feeling that she was startled when she heard Helena chuckle.

"Sorry. I guess I got a little distracted," Myka said, blushing slightly.

"That's quite all right. You're quite the distraction yourself," Helena said, bringing Myka's hand to her lips and kissing the knuckles.

"So, Christina's father, then? You don't have to tell me, but I would like to know, sometime," Myka said, smiling.

"Well, you may have heard of him. In fact I am certain you will have. Marcus Diamond. My ex-husband, Christina's father."

Myka stared at her, open-mouthed.

"Marcus Diamond. The Marcus Diamond?"

"Yes. I'm afraid so."

Myka thought for a moment. This was clearly not a good thing. Helena's face was tight, and her grip on Myka's hand was almost crushing.

"Wait…didn't he get arrested for…holy shit, that was you?"

Helena nodded, her eyes downcast.

Marcus Diamond had been arrested approximately 10 years previous for domestic abuse. His wife was pregnant and he'd beaten her half to death after an argument. His wife had only survived because a neighbour had intervened and held Marcus off until the police arrived.

"Jesus. I'm so sorry, Helena. I had no idea."

"It's okay, Myka. I just don't like to talk about it, for obvious reasons."

Myka nodded. Her mind was racing, and her veins felt as if they were filled with molten lava. That someone – that anyone would dare hurt this incredible woman, never mind her unborn child? Myka's fists clenched unconsciously.

"So you were pregnant with Christina. And he…"

"Yes. Christina was a bit of a miracle, all told. She could so easily have died."

"How long did he spend in jail?" Myka asked, still a little stunned.

"Eight years. He was released about a year and a half ago. I probably would have spoken to you about it then, but then…"

"Sam died," Myka finished for her.

"Yes. So you had your own problems to deal with, and I didn't wish to burden you with mine. In any case, Marcus hasn't contacted me since he was released, and he has a permanent court order that forbids him from approaching me or any member of my family at any time."

Myka didn't say anything. She didn't quite know what to say. She couldn't believe that something that awful had happened to Helena. The pictures of what Marcus had done to her were all over the news for weeks - until the next scandal came along. The pictures looked nothing like this beautiful, strong and vibrant woman opposite her.

"You don't have to say anything, Myka. I know it's a lot to take in."

"It is. I can't believe you went through that. I'm so sorry."

She leaned over and kissed Helena softly. Helena leaned in to her, resting her head on Myka's shoulder for a moment.

"It's over, Myka. It was a long time ago. And I have Christina. It wasn't all bad."

"I guess."

Myka drew back to look at Helena as a thought struck her.

"I was asking you about your songwriting. So does that mean you wrote his songs?"

Helena nodded.

"All of them?"

Another nod.

"Holy shit! I can't believe that you wrote his songs. He was so famous. His music – I mean, he was doing sold out world tours. And you wrote all of it? Wow."

It really was impressive. Myka knew she was staring, but the music that Marcus Diamond had produced – complete scum of the earth though he had showed himself to be – it was incredible. His songs were awe inspiring. And Helena had written them.

"HG Wells. That was the songwriting credit on his albums. My mom had a few of them. I remember laughing at the name."

"Yes. That would be me," Helena smiled.

"And the G?"

Helena laughed.

"You'll have to buy me a few more drinks before I let that one slip."

"Done."

Their conversation over the rest of the evening was a little less serious. They talked about books, music, Christina, and eventually, Myka's family.

"So what is the story, then, with your family? You never want to spend time in Colorado. Was it so very awful?" Helena asked, sympathetically. They had finished dinner and were halfway through dessert.

"There's not much to tell, really. My father is an unpleasant man, and for some reason he took a dislike to me early on. I never really worked out why. I have always worked hard at my studies and my music. My sister, Tracy, is a little younger, and she was his favourite. He treated her like she was perfect. But I could never do anything right. I got perfect grades, I never caused trouble. But it was never good enough. Once I was old enough, I realised it never would be, and that it was really nothing to do with me, whatever his problem was. I hate going back because I'm used to being treated like a human being now – like I'm worth something. Going back there – I feel like I'm being beaten back down to how I used to be. I can't really explain it any better than that."

Helena's eyes were dark.

"I'm so sorry, darling. I hate that parents treat their children that way. It infuriates me."

"You know, I was envious, when I was younger, when I saw a happy family. I wanted what they had. I am so glad that Christina has you."

Helena's face darkened a little more.

"Yes, well. I screwed that up good and proper with Giselle, didn't I? Anything could have happened to my daughter because that bitch didn't even have the normal human decency to ensure her safety."

Myka shook her head.

"Helena, that was not your fault. She was obviously very good at manipulating people."

"Yes. She was. I never saw it. I don't know how."

"Well, Christina seems to have come through it relatively unscathed. She's sweet, and caring and smart. She's a great kid."

Helena smiled.

"She is, isn't she? And she adores you. Last night she was sulking because you weren't there to read to her. She has put your book to one side until you can read it to her again."

Myka smiled.

"That's so sweet. I don't think I'll ever get used to that, the way kids are so loving and unselfconscious about it."

"It won't be long before she is a sulky teenager, so I would enjoy it while it lasts," Helena said ruefully.

Myka grinned.

"Now that's something to look forward to…"

Helena leaned forward and kissed her, rather suddenly, taking Myka by surprise.

"What was that for?"

"Your smile, Myka. You just…dazzle me sometimes."

Myka didn't say anything, just stared back, speechless.

"Are you ready to go?" Helena asked, her voice low.

Myka nodded, still silent. Helena paid their bill and they hailed a cab a little way down the road. As soon as they were in their seats, Helena leaned over and kissed Myka softly. Myka's breath caught in her throat at the sheer tenderness of it. It was different from their previous kisses. They had come together almost violently before, and it was more about lust than anything else. This felt different.

"Are you okay with this? Coming back to mine?" Helena asked softly.

Myka shot her an incredulous look.

"Are you kidding?"

"Okay then," Helena said with a smile.

The cab journey passed in silence. Their fingers were laced together between them, and for the first time since Sam's death, Myka felt content. Not lonely, not sad, not any of the things she had felt since he passed.

When they reached the house, Myka half expected to be up against the door and naked in moments. But Helena led her on the couch and went to get them some wine. She came back in and sat next to Myka, passing her a glass before taking a sip from hers.

"So, how was our first date? Did I do okay, considering how out of practice I am?" Helena asked.

"Well, I'm hardly the dating expert here, Helena. I haven't been on a date since Sam. But I think you did okay. There's always room for improvement, though," she said, considering.

"Oh, really. Just okay?"

Helena's lips were suddenly right beside her ear, her breath tickling at the side of her neck. Myka shivered.

"Well, I could maybe upgrade you to 'good effort'. If you're very good."

"And what would I need to do if I wanted to get a better grade, Ms Bering?"

Myka turned her head and smiled, her eyes on Helena's.

"I think you could use your imagination and come up with the answer to that all by yourself, Dr Wells," she whispered.

Helena's lips were almost on hers, millimetres away. She searched Myka's eyes and her lips twitched upwards in a half smirk.

"I think my imagination worked pretty well for you in your flat, Myka. And in this room just a few days ago. Wouldn't you say?"

Myka's eyes were closed and she was resisting the pull of Helena's voice, of Helena's breath on her skin. It was a game, this, and she didn't want to give in by being the one to close the gap between their lips. Her breath was coming faster already as she thought of Helena's mouth, the many and varied ways she had used it on Myka during their two nights together.

"I'm sorry Ms Bering, I didn't hear your answer. I asked you if you were pleased with how I deployed my imagination just a few days ago. When I took you against the door, just over there. You might remember it, if you think back. I pushed you back against that door just there, and I opened your jeans and slid my hand inside your pants. Is this ringing any bells? No? What about that noise you made when I slipped my fingers inside you? I remember that, certainly. I remember how very wet you were, how your hips pushed against me, and your fingers were in my hair, and your tongue was in my mouth, tasting of wine…"

And Myka could take no more. She groaned and grabbed Helena's hair roughly, and kissed the infuriatingly sexy woman. She moved to straddle Helena, and a low growl escaped her as Helena's hands came up, slid under her skirt to cup her buttocks and squeeze, hard.

Helena's hands began to roam and within moments Myka was crying out, her head thrown back with Helena's mouth hot on her throat.

It took a few minutes, but when she could speak again, she bent over to whisper in Helena's ear.

"You don't play fair, Dr Wells."

"I play to win…"

Helena lay next to a sleeping Myka Bering, watching her breathing as she slept. Helena hadn't been able to sleep, for some reason. Given that Myka had completely worn her out, it was unusual. But she was quite happy to lie there, relaxed and enjoying the sight of the incredible woman sleeping next to her.

She was tired of pretending that she wasn't in love with Myka. If she was entirely honest about it, she had probably been in love with her for at least a year. She had stayed with Giselle because she loved her and they were good together – or so she had thought – and they had Christina, their life together. But her feelings for Myka had been incredibly strong from the word go, and had only deepened with their growing friendship. She had watched Myka fall in love with Sam Martino, a young man who she didn't particularly like, and she had supported her friend because Myka was happy, and she was with Giselle and she was loyal. But she didn't enjoy watching Myka with Sam. That didn't mean that she was happy when he died – she was devastated for her friend's loss, and she knew how close Myka had come to leaving her life here and returning to Colorado. Helena had been steeling herself for a while now, preparing herself for Myka meeting someone new. The fact that they were here together now was something of a miracle, all things considered.

She hadn't meant to cross the line with Myka. She was, truly, incensed when Myka didn't tell her about Giselle leaving Christina the way she had. She thought Myka was withdrawing from her messy life, reluctant to become involved because she had a child. Claudia had given her a serious talking-to after she'd confronted Myka in her office, and rightly so, it would appear. Because Myka had only been trying to protect Helena. By telling Claudia and staying out of it, she was making sure that the message was passed on without her own agenda, because she was in love with Helena. Or at least that's how Claudia put it. With a few more swear words, of course. But when Myka had rounded on her, eyes blazing, in the little corridor outside the bathrooms at the Union – Helena hadn't been able to hold herself back. She had been hard put not to drag Myka into the bathrooms and take her right there. She was a little ashamed at her own lack of restraint, but she wasn't sorry that this was the result.

Helena lay on her side with her hand under her head, eyes tracing the soft lines of Myka's face as she slept. Myka was an open, honest and caring woman, and that first night so many years ago when she had spotted her at the Union, she had barely been able to keep her mind on the music. The band were playing well, as usual, and she was fully concentrated on the keys in front of her as they entered a particularly complicated passage - the middle eight of some jazzy piece that Leena liked – when her eyes were caught by the lean figure sitting at one of the front tables. Those tables were generally filled by staff; for some reason the students avoided the tables at the front, perhaps not wanting to get caught misbehaving right under her nose. So it was unusual for anyone that Helena didn't recognise to sit there. When Myka turned round and faced the stage, Helena's breath actually caught, an audible hitch, and she almost dropped a real clanger, just realising at the last second before she played the minor instead of the major chord. She hadn't made a mistake like that since her own university days. The woman in front of her, however, was a bloody good reason for such a mistake. She looked slightly nervous, like she wasn't entirely comfortable in her own skin, but she was incredibly beautiful, her hair wild and her eyes a bright green-grey. And her smile… Helena had been captivated straight away, and it appeared that the feeling was mutual, because Myka's expression was dumbstruck as they stared at one another. After what was probably far too long, Helena forced herself to look away, but she couldn't help herself from sneaking glances at the tall woman at various points during the evening. She noted with some displeasure that Sam Martino, one of the drum tutors, had seated himself with the newcomer, but she was inordinately pleased when she realised that the woman was paying little attention to her companion, choosing to spend her time watching the band and Helena. She felt guilty, afterwards, for thinking of anyone else in that way. It took the whole weekend for her to calm herself down about the whole thing and to remind herself that she was happy with Giselle. Which was just as well, because on Monday she realised that the woman from the Union was in fact her new hire from the US. To stop herself from doing something stupid, she had mentioned her partner almost immediately, and from Myka's wry smile and that nervous gesture of hers, rubbing the back of her neck with her palm, it was clear that she understood the unspoken message. That she, Helena, was well aware of their chemistry, but she was taken and that was that. Myka had never once, after that day, given her any indication that she had any feelings for Helena outside of friendship. Or at least not until Helena was single and until Myka had been pushed into saying something. That Myka had been happy with just friendship from her was something for which Helena had been incredibly grateful. Because she truly did love Giselle, and she wasn't sure what she would have done, had Myka offered her any encouragement.

Luckily, Myka had never put her in that position. Helena had felt extremely lucky for a long time that she had Myka Bering as a friend. But now, with the woman in her bed, luck didn't seem like a strong enough word. It wasn't just that she was attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that; but it was everything about her that appealed to Helena. Her strength even after losing her husband, her intelligence, her gentle humour. Even her weaknesses were seductive to Helena. Her lack of self-confidence, her occasional bouts of depression – they just made Helena want to wrap herself around Myka and not let go.

The day when she knew she was in real trouble – the day when she'd probably fallen entirely in love with Myka – was when she'd first seen the woman interact with Christina. Christina was and would always be Helena's first love, her first priority. Her saving grace after the horror of what Marcus had become, her daughter had brought her back to life. And the day she'd watched Myka reassure her little girl at that barbecue or garden party or whatever it had been, she'd felt her heart fill. It was as if someone had reached into her chest, attached a hose to her heart, and proceeded to pump it full of pure, unadulterated happiness. She'd been grateful that Giselle had been particularly demanding that day, because it meant that they left shortly afterwards and she hadn't had time to speak to Myka. She was fairly sure that she couldn't have stopped herself from blurting out something stupid that she couldn't take back, otherwise.

The night Myka had looked after Christina for the first time had tipped things for Helena. If she was perfectly honest, she would probably have had to have a serious look at her relationship with Giselle at that point anyway, for not only had she started to have doubts about Giselle's commitment to her and Christina, but her feelings for Myka had grown too strong to be ignored any longer. For a woman who was supposed to be in a fulfilling long term relationship with someone she loved, Helena was spending a hell of a lot of time thinking about someone else. First there had been that moment when Myka had touched her hand sympathetically in the kitchen and she'd almost lost control of herself. And watching Myka interact with Christina had brought a lump to her throat and a feeling that she didn't want to name to her heart. Myka had tenderly comforted her daughter after Helena and Giselle's fight – that much she had heard as she shamelessly eavesdropped on them – and afterwards, when Helena had changed for the gig and come downstairs, she found them both giggling at Horrible Histories together. She could probably count on one hand the amount of times she had witnessed Giselle actually interacting with Christina. Giselle spent time with Christina, yes – it was difficult not to when one was sharing a house with someone – but actually taking an interest, talking to her about things that interested her, reading, watching television with her? Virtually never. Watching Myka taking the time to do that, and seeing how much she was actually enjoying it – that had filled Helena with this incredible, bone-deep longing for things to be like that all the time. And since it was clear that things would never be like that with Giselle, she was uncomfortably aware that the longing she felt was for Myka to be a part of her and Christina's lives in a more intimate way.

She had wanted to talk to Claudia that night about it all, but Claudia was enmeshed in some man-drama with Steve and was listening with only half an ear. So she'd bottled it all up, a tactic that rarely worked well for Helena. She was aware that she was a teensy bit impulsive at times, and that she needed to think things through before acting on them. She felt lucky that Myka had been asleep when she got home that night. It had taken all of Helena's self-control not to jump on her as soon as she got in the door. The time it took for Myka to wake up had been just long enough for Helena to calm down and cool off.

The following day Claudia had filled her in on her conversation with Myka and Giselle's home alone antics. Which of course were entirely unfunny and could possibly be viewed as criminal neglect. But for some reason, Helena's main feeling at that point was anger at Myka for not telling her directly. She had received a text message from Myka, coincidentally as Claudia was sitting in her office spilling the sorry tale, and Myka had simply said that she was going home and she hoped Helena was okay. Helena remembered clearly feeling this helpless anger at Myka that didn't make any sense. Because the person she should have been angry at was Giselle, not Myka. But she couldn't help but feel that Myka had offered her a view of what could have been – a life with Myka as the parent that Christina deserved – and then taken it away because it was too messy. Claudia told her only that Myka didn't want to get involved, but not why, and Helena had assumed that it was because she didn't want the complication of a child to worry about. Her conversation with Myka the following Monday had only underlined that assumption. Myka had tried to explain herself, but Helena hadn't wanted to listen. She was so hurt that she just shut herself off. Claudia told her off at length for not listening to Myka, and explained, eventually, why Myka didn't want to get involved.

"You're a complete fucking idiot, Helena. Seriously. She's in love with you, you massive cock!"

Even for Claudia, that was excessive. Helena had stared at her, open-mouthed, for more than a minute before she'd been able to get a word out.

"What do you mean, she loves me?" she'd eventually choked out (since ignoring the 'massive cock' comment seemed the best idea at that point).

"Exactly what I said, you utter knob," Claudia said, slightly mollified by Helena's surprise. "She is in love with you, and that's why she didn't want to tell you this information that she knew would probably make you break up with your fucking girlfriend. So she told me, an impartial observer, sort of, so that I could decide whether it was something you needed to know. If she'd told you herself she would have always wondered if she'd made the right decision."

They were in Helena's living room, and Christina was in bed. Claudia was obviously really pissed off that Helena was being so harsh with Myka, and had held it in with some difficulty until after Christina was in bed.

"That girl loves you so much she can barely function. And still she waited to tell me about Giselle so that she wouldn't do something to hurt you for her own purposes. And you are being such a giant dick to her! You need to apologise, Helena."

And Claudia had actually refused to speak to her until she apologised to Myka. Which, it turned out, was easier said than done. Because exams were coming up and Helena's time was extremely limited, and outside of work she had to look after Christina, because of course Giselle was now gone and out of their lives for good. She had planned to see Myka at the next Thursday night gig, but Myka didn't turn up. And Helena didn't have the courage to go and see her. So things had stayed in stasis between them for a few weeks until that Thursday night when they'd made up. And made love.

Helena was a little ashamed that she'd pushed Myka, that night, to admit why she hadn't told Helena directly about Giselle's neglect of Christina. But part of her still didn't believe that Myka loved her.

"Why do you think, Helena?"

Those words, accompanied with the blaze of anger in Myka's eyes, had completely undone Helena's self-control. If Claudia hadn't come in when she did, Helena wasn't sure she would have been able to stop herself from dragging Myka into the bathroom and…well, doing exactly what she had done when they got to Myka's flat, actually.

She was ashamed that she hadn't had the courage then to just take the plunge with Myka, because she wanted it more than anything. She held back because she was frightened that her own judgement was entirely unreliable. She'd lived with Giselle for nine years, after all, and hadn't realised what kind of a bitch the woman really was. That didn't excuse her hurting Myka, however. Because she knew that Myka was nothing like Giselle. But still she'd held back, frightened to make the move that would make this – them – a reality. She invited Myka for Christmas because Christina had plagued her until she did so. She'd steeled herself to resist Myka, to not do anything untoward. But when Myka turned up wearing that ridiculous jumper and her glasses, she'd given up virtually on the spot. She hadn't pushed anything, of course. But she couldn't resist Myka any more than it appeared Myka could resist her.

"You know you're being a complete idiot, don't you?" Leena said, conversationally, as Helena appeared in her office at the end of the week during which Helena had berated Myka for not telling her about Giselle's abandonment of Christina.

"What?" Helena said, in complete confusion.

"You were really nasty to Myka the other day, and she doesn't deserve it. She was trying to be a good friend to you," Leena said, her usually calm and contented face set.

Helena sat down on the chair across the desk from the administrator.

"I…she said she didn't want to get involved. I can't understand why…Christina really took to her, Leena. And she doesn't want to get involved? I thought she was better than that," Helena said, her eyes beginning to fill.

Leena shot her a look of disgust.

"And I thought you were smarter than that, Helena. Why do you think she didn't want to tell you herself about Giselle? She wanted someone impartial to decide whether it was a good idea or not. She didn't want to tell you something that she knew was likely to break you and Giselle up."

Helena stared at her. She couldn't be saying…

"Oh my God," Leena breathed. "You - are you in love with Myka?" Her eyes were wide with concern and compassion.

Helena stared, quite unable to speak for a long moment.

"I…I don't know," she said, quietly. "I knew, that night, that I was going to have to think about whether I wanted to stay with Giselle. Because Myka…the way I felt…I knew it was too strong to just be friendship. I…"

Leena moved round the desk to hunker down in front of Helena and take her hands.

"Myka didn't decide not to tell you out of spite, or because things were too messy and she didn't want to get involved with you and your daughter. She was trying to stay out of your relationship with Giselle, Helena. She did the right thing. She gave the information to someone who she knew would only tell you if it was in your best interests. Because Myka knew she had a vested interest in the outcome. You know what I'm saying, Helena. Don't you?" Leena asked gently.

Helena bit her lip, meeting Leena's eyes. She nodded, and Leena smiled gently.

"See? That wasn't so difficult, was it?" she teased.

"Perhaps not for you!" Helena retorted, wiping away tears. Leena chuckled.

"So, tell me. What made you realise that you had feelings for Myka. Or rather, what made you realise how serious those feelings were?" Leena asked, standing and returning to her chair.

"It was when I saw her with Christina," Helena said thoughtfully. "She was just…so very caring, and genuinely interested in everything she had to say. She was wonderful with her. I think I…I hadn't realised how little interest Giselle had in Christina, and when I saw Myka with her I saw everything that I was missing in my relationship with Giselle. I think Giselle had been away so often for the last year or so that I hadn't noticed how much things had deteriorated, really. Seeing Myka with Christina just brought it home. And I couldn't help but notice how much happier I was when Myka was around. That's when it all hit home with me, I think. That I wasn't happy, that Christina wasn't happy, and that Myka made us both happy."

Leena nodded.

"She's good for you, HG. She cares about you so much that she did this whole thing – telling Claudia instead of you – even though she knew you might be upset with her. She did it to protect you." Her voice was very soft, but her eyes had a hint of rebuke in them.

Helena concentrated very hard on her breathing for a moment, calming herself as she thought – really thought – about Myka, about what she meant to Helena. And something clicked in her, then. She knew that whatever happened, even if they could never be anything but friends to one another, she had to make things right with Myka. But at the same time she was frightened to make any move towards the American, because it would be all too easy to lose control, to fall into Myka and never look back. She had already been too impulsive where her love life was concerned. Her relationship with Giselle had started impulsively. Giselle had been a friend of theirs when Helena and Marcus were married, and in the aftermath of his horrific attack on her, Giselle had been there when Helena needed her. Which led to them kissing one night in Helena's hospital room. Looking back at it now, she could see that Giselle was using her vulnerability to manipulate her. But back then, she had needed someone, and she had taken what Giselle was offering without looking at it too closely. She didn't want to do that again, here. Even if she was fairly sure that Myka was a good person and nothing at all like Giselle, she had Christina to think about, and she couldn't risk allowing another Giselle into her daughter's life.

"I know what you're thinking, Helena," Leena said softly, "but Myka is not Giselle. If you ask anyone, any of your friends to tell you honestly what they think of Giselle, you'll find that not one of them has anything nice to say about her. But Myka? They all love her. If you can't trust yourself, trust them. Trust us."

Helena nodded and smiled, her heart suddenly lighter. And she proceeded to do just what Leena advised, in subtle queries to Claudia, to Arthur Nielsen, to Steve – even to Pete Lattimer and his new girlfriend Amanda. And she found that Leena was right. No-one had a good word to say about Giselle, other than that she was pretty, but everyone smiled when they thought of Myka, and everyone had a tale to tell about how she'd helped them with something or another. Even Claudia didn't even have a word to say against Myka, which was a surprise to Helena, because her young friend had always seemed to have some sort of antipathy towards Myka. It became clear to Helena later when Claudia took her to task over her treatment of Myka that they'd reached something of an understanding, and that Claudia's wariness of Myka had come from concern for Helena herself.

Helena fell asleep eventually after cuddling shamelessly with Myka, putting her head on Myka's chest and listening to her heartbeat, letting it lull her to sleep. When she woke it was to the feeling of Myka's fingers running through her hair.

"Good morning, Dr Wells," Myka whispered.

"Good morning yourself, Ms Bering. What a pleasure it is to see you this morning," Helena replied, grinning.

Myka leaned down to kiss her.

"Believe me, Dr Wells. The pleasure is all mine," she said, in a husky voice.

She was wrong, of course. The pleasure was equally divided between them.