A/N: Chapter VI is my favorite to date, which is why it's longer than usual. By the way, I'm so grateful for the new reviews. If you have any more doubts or critiques, I'll be more than glad to read them.
Wings of Light
| VI |
Hope
You have disobeyed my command, my servant.
Bhunivelze's voice was his first true sensation in… how long? He couldn't be sure. The last thing he remembered clearly was darkness, cold and pain.
You descended to the mortal realm despite the will of God. But you are an angel and you cannot walk among them as such. Therefore the Ark removed your wings upon my order.
He panicked at hearing that. He lost his wings? Was that why he couldn't beat them? If it was true, he was stuck to the ground, unable to fly free anymore.
Your disobedience deserves a fair punishment. Your wings can grow back, but as your wounds heal, you shall walk among humans without being one of their kind, neither an angel.
He couldn't help but tremble briefly. He wanted to talk, maybe beg to his master… but he couldn't speak nor move.
Your wounds shall take time to heal, thus is my will, so your punishment shall be appropriate. The darkness of humans shall show you why you must not walk among them. You shall not belong to them nor the divine. You shall be alone.
The voice of God was fading away, and the darkness became denser. He didn't want it to engulf him. But he couldn't move, he was chained down.
Now, my servant, face the consequences of your disobedience.
"So… are you really an angel?", Serah asked looking at the young man with fear and fascination. "And you lost your wings because you disobeyed God's orders?"
He nodded making an effort. Several days had passed since the night in which he had reacted for the first time, and during them he had been regaining consciousness at times. Finally, the previous day he managed to stay awake for hours, and Lightning and Serah considered he was able at least to answer the questions they wanted to ask him for a long time.
That morning, God had spoken to him in a dream and told him his punishment. Seeing him shaking in dreams, Lightning had awakened him in a not too much gentle way. When she asked for an explanation, the young man had finally agreed to talk with the Farron sisters.
He answered their questions about who he was and how he got there. He didn't tell them about what Bhunivelze had told him about his wings because they didn't ask, and he didn't thought they had to know. But he told them his current situation was due to the fact he disobeyed his command.
Not that he was very aware of the conversation itself. He was still assuming that he had lost his wings and he was trapped in the world of humans, those chaotic and violent beings.
At least he ended up where he wanted to, he thought as he shyly looked up at Lightning. Two days after his first reaction, he managed to regain consciousness for a few minutes and recognized her when she was cleaning his wounds. Despite his condition, he got so nervous and startled he tried to get away from her. Lightning tried to calm him down, something she managed by telling him her name, since he weakly asked her.
He met Serah the next day. Sure, she was a lot nicer to him than her sister. Lightning was who looked after him, but the angel felt her reluctance. He felt her negativity towards him, and he didn't know why. And strangely enough, it affected him. He felt Serah's fear, and yet he didn't care about it as much as he did about Lightning's animosity.
Of course, after all, he descended to the mortal realm trying to find out who she was, and it had cost him his wings and God's punishment. And all this for her to hate him for some unknown reason.
"You're Bhunivelze's servant", Lightning said curtly. Unlike Serah, she was leaning against the wall, a few steps away from them. "You expect us to believe you betrayed him?"
"I cannot lie to you", he replied after taking a deep breath; he found so hard to say more than three words in a row, but at least he could now hold a conversation. "I am an angel… I am not allowed to lie."
"But you've managed to lie to Bhunivelze."
The angel frowned slightly. Lightning and Serah had already noticed he wasn't precisely expressive. In fact, with his extremely pale skin and his lack of expression, he rather looked like a marble statue.
"I didn't lie. I only acted on my own."
Lightning didn't look convinced, but she said nothing. She simply glared at him and shifted her weight from one leg to another.
"But what I don't understand…", Serah began hesitantly. "I mean, look at you. You didn't know what would happen to you, right? Because you've paid a high price for descending without his permission. Why did you do it?"
The angel hesitated. He couldn't answer that question, let alone when Lightning was there. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, and noticed her hard stare. If he dared to tell them, he was sure she would kill him. And besides, it wouldn't benefit her at all to know.
As an angel, he couldn't lie. But he could not tell them all the truth.
"… I wanted to better understand mankind", he muttered. "My mission is to watch over all of your kind. But I cannot protect you without understanding how you think and feel."
Lightning and Serah looked briefly at each other. The angel felt their bewilderment.
"Protect us?", Lightning's voice was so sharp that he momentarily flinched. "You're the one who ruined our lives. You're the one who tells the Order how they have to tyrannize us!"
"Sis!", Serah said, warningly.
He took a deep breath, still a bit intimidated. He kept wondering why he reacted that way when it came to Lightning, because Serah hardly could get an… emotional answer, perhaps?
"I am the servant of God… As such, I must obey him. I never questioned his will because I cannot… The only reason for my existence is to serve him. I am not allowed to agree or not."
Lightning huffed dismissively, but Serah looked genuinely sad.
"That's horrible… How could you bear it?"
"You are human", the angel said as if that were enough explanation. "Your free will prevents you from understanding the peace of such a simple existence."
"Tsk…", Lightning glared at him. "An existence in which you're bound and chained to the whims of your master? I think I understand now why the Order acts as they do. That's the ideal of your god, isn't it? To make us become creatures as pathetic as you?"
"Sis! That's enough!", Serah scolded her. The angel said nothing, but looked down upon hearing the young woman's harsh words. "It's not his fault to be what he is!"
"Is it not, now? Angel or not, he could've left Bhunivelze if he wanted to!"
"I cannot rebel against him", the angel said then. "Unlike you humans, I have no free will… His will is my will."
"And yet…", Serah noted, "you disobeyed him when you descended to our realm."
Lightning squinted at him questioningly, and the angel was silent for a long moment, processing what Serah had just said.
"Yes", he finally said, a hint of surprise in his voice. "I did."
"How is that even possible?", Lightning said. "If you can't make your own decisions, how could you rebel against his orders?"
"… I don't know", he answered, absolutely sincere, looking up at her with his eyes wider than usual. He looked genuinely puzzled.
"He's like a lost animal", Lightning thought. She didn't want to pity him, but she found that difficult. She was disgusted at hearing him talk that way, like an emotionless machine without the will to decide his own path in life. But she also felt a bit sorry for him.
She observed his eyes on her. Now, at daytime and wider than usual, Lightning could appreciate their color. An unique shade of green, almost ethereal. The truth was his lean build, his marble skin and his silver hair gave him quite the ethereal vibe. She wondered what he would be like if he hadn't those bloodied bandages and he still had his wings.
She sighed and shook her head in annoyance. She had to admit that besides her hatred and anger towards him, she felt as curious as her sister. It wasn't exactly usual to have an angel in your house, even if it was a wingless one.
"What's your name?", Serah asked then. Lightning turned her head towards them with renewed interest: she hadn't come to realize they hadn't even asked the angel his name.
He looked at them blankly.
"…What is… my name?", he repeated, hesitant.
"Yeah, that's what we asked", Lightning growled. "Don't tell me you're both wingless and nameless."
"Sis!"
The angel tilted his head, frowning. He slightly shook his head.
"I have no name… I am the servant of God, and that is my only name. I have never needed another one."
Serah's eyes were filled by pity at that stage. The angel didn't quite understand why. What was what made names so interesting for them?
"Well, if you're going to stay with we humans you're gonna need one", Lightning said sharply. "Humans need to distinguish ourselves from each other by names. And without wings, you don't look that different from us."
Serah gave her a stern look before turning again to the bewildered angel.
"You sure you don't have any other name? Or any other way to refer to you… I know the Order calls you 'messenger of God', but that one doesn't count. You must have one!"
He wasn't sure if he really needed a name, but Lightning had hit the nail on the head. He was now trapped in the world of humans and he somewhat resembled them. He would have to blend to some of their quirks if he wanted to survive.
"I don't have a name as you understand it…", the angel frowned, trying to unsuccessfully think or remember anything that could help. "Sometimes, God called me 'the hope of humanity' because I was the one who watched over you according to him. But that isn't a name either according to your ways…"
"The 'hope of humanity'? How fitting", Lightning raised her eyebrows out of sarcasm. "Well, I guess that considering we don't have anything closer to what you are, we can call you Hope."
The angel looked at her, not knowing what to say, but Serah nodded after a moment, smiling.
"Hope… I like it", she said, and smiled gently to him. "I think it's a good name for you. What about you?"
Did he have to think anything about it? The name meant nothing to him. But he didn't dislike it, and if humans really needed to call him by name, he'd have to accept it.
And besides, it had been Lightning who had suggested it. Perhaps that was why he didn't think it sounded bad, despite her obvious sarcasm.
"… You may call me that way if you wish so", he finally said, leaning his head on the pillow, exhausted.
"Then it's settled", Serah widened her smile. "From now on, we'll call you Hope. See?, now you have a name. You'll see how you'll like to have one, I'm sure."
He said nothing, but he had his doubts. It was just a name, wasn't it? Why humans would give it so much importance?
"Lightning said humans need to distinguish themselves from each other…", he thought, closing his eyes. "Maybe it is because, given that they are many and they are very similar, it makes them feel that somehow they are special."
"I think he's talked a lot for now", Lightning said, stepping away from the wall. "Let's go, Serah. Let him sleep."
"You're right", her sister said, and she stood up and leaned toward him. "Rest now all as you can, Hope. We'll be back at night, okay?"
The angel nodded, without any strength left to speak. He heard Lightning's bedroom door close behind the two sisters, though he'd have sworn he felt the young woman's suspicious stare on him before she left the room.
Now he had a name. Never before he thought he would. As an angel, he didn't need a name. As far as he knew, he was the only one that existed, at least in that world. He didn't have to distinguish himself.
But now… in a way, he was special. Not in a good way, of course. He was a fallen, wingless angel, chained to a realm in which he didn't belong. He was different from humans, and from the concept of what an angel was.
And now his difference had been sealed with a name.
"My name is Hope."
