"I woke up and you were gone, Jess," Rory spat.

"Oh, don't fucking pull that with me. I left a note for you, an inch from your face. I had to go. I didn't want to wake you. Don't you remember telling me you wished you could sleep forever? That you wanted some peace? Well, you did look peaceful Rory –so I let you sleep because I didn't want to take that from you. Yes, I left your bed –I left your house. But I didn't leave. I wasn't gone, and you know it. You're pretty smart, so I'm sure you could and did actually read the note I left –it's not like it was written in Swahili. I told you I was there for you –that I'd always be –that you could come to me, anytime. You didn't, Rory. That was your choice," Jess shot back. "You didn't want weirdness, so I never brought it up –I promised you that. If you try and make this my fault, maybe I will start regretting what happened."

"So, it's my fault? I got pregnant, so you're pissed. You're pissed because I told you that you didn't need to wear a condom and here I am all knocked up, so this is my fault?"

"Jesus Christ –what are you, fourteen? Am I shocked as fuck that you're pregnant? You bet your ass I am. Am I mad? Yes –but not because you're pregnant."

"Then why? What –exactly- is your fucking problem?"

"You lied to me! That's my fucking problem!"

"I never lied, Jess –"

"You lied by omission, Rory. You've known that you're pregnant since –I'm guessing Luke and Lorelai's wedding. That was at the beginning of November. It's January. You asked me to edit your book and I said yes. You let me agree to that! You let me pitch your precious book to my friends. I run a business with these guys, Rory! And you let me get them involved! You played me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't hate you a little for that."

"How did I play you?" Rory asked angrily.

"I'm not just your old pal and ex-flame in this equation, Rory. That kid could be mine! You don't know if that kid is mine, but you know it could be. You being pregnant is not just something that complicates an editorial schedule, or messes up a calendar of press junkets or jeopardizes a release date –this is something that could change my life as much as it's about to change yours and you knew that all along. You waited to tell me until after I'd pitched you to my business partners and brought them on board for a book which we need. You cornered me. You waited to tell me until you had me exactly where you wanted me and now no matter how this affects me, you still get your precious Gilmore Girls," Jess yelled.

"I asked you to edit my book because this was your idea, and I trust you to do it. Are you saying you don't –that you'd renege, just because I'm pregnant?"

"For fuck's sake, Rory –stop making me out to be some anti-feminist pig who'd ditch the pregnant girl. You're trying to cushion yourself here –make this anyone's fault but yours. Sorry, sweetheart, you may actually need to take some responsibility here.

"When you're pregnant with a child that may or may not be mine, it kinda complicates things, yeah. Something like that may make it hard for me to think clearly –to work for you. You know, for someone who graduated from Yale, you're making yourself seem like quite the simpleton here –you keep it up, I may start to buy it. I hate to break it to you and I'll apologize in advance for the mental gymnastics you may have to perform to understand why, but –yes, if it were only up to me, I'd show your manuscript the door because I can't dive into helping you with a book while you're carrying what could be my child, much less a child that could either be mine or an adulterous one. Let's not forget you asked me to run point, Rory. And you did that when you knew you were pregnant and that the kid might be mine. Tell me again that you don't understand how I could possibly feel played."

"I didn't mean to –"

"Yeah, but you did," Jess said bitterly. "How I feel about your book isn't even the biggest problem I'm having right now. Pulling the plug right here and now would seriously fuck Truncheon over. I am not Truncheon, Rory. Truncheon is Matt, it's Chris, it's me, it's Bry, it's Greg. I couldn't tell you yes for sure until all of them agreed and I can't dump you without running it by them, either."

"Jess, you can't –" Rory started to say desperately.

"It would be wise of you not to presume that you can tell me what I can and can't do on account of how it would screw up your dreams of having a bestseller, Rory," he seethed. "If you do, I might boot you anyway and risk the consequences. That's the type of whimsy you'd be inspiring if you finish that sentence."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, that makes everything better, doesn't it? Sadly, those chapters are brilliant and you're really fucking likable, so odds are you'll get your way –as always. I can't exactly turn my place of business into Maury Povich. What's happening right now is none of their business and it's not for me to air your dirty laundry, so I'm going to have a hard time explaining why we have to ditch our first bestseller."

"Thank you."

"Save it. Get used to the idea of one of the other guys taking point –I may not be able to trash your book, but I can't edit anymore; I don't want to be anywhere near this, except insofar as I need to be in order to keep this paternity confusion quiet, you understand? It's just –too much. Assuming I can't make my case –which is a pretty strong bet- I'll give it to Greg. He's new with us, but he's good at what he does; he's honest, he's earnest and he knows nothing about you, which is a very small mercy. He'll be overwhelmed at the thought of getting such a massive assignment, but again I say –earnest. I'll tell him you're pregnant, so he can plan accordingly. He'll do it. And you'll let him."

"What if he asks –"

"I'll make something up. Whatever he tells you I told him –you will back my play."

"Okay."

"So," Jess sighed. "Let me see if I understand this. The day after you had sex with me, Logan whisks you away somewhere and you had sex with him?"

"Yes."

"Guess I'm not the only one who can take away your despair huh?"

"Jess…"

"Is he what you used me to help you forget? Guess it didn't work –you probably didn't want to forget him that badly if you fucked him the next day. So, Logan lives in London –except the day after we slept together when he magically swept into small town Connecticut under cover of night. Logan's engaged –and you guys have been having an affair for what –three years?"

"He doesn't love her," Rory said defensively.

"I don't really give a shit if he loves her, or who he decides to sleep with when she's not looking –even if it's you. No, see –what I care about is the part where you might be carrying his baby. Really, how do you think it'll be, if the baby is his? Do you really think he'll leave his fantastic life of privilege to move to Stars Hollow to be a townie dad while you work at the Gazette? Do you think he'll whisk you away and you guys will live in some fantastic penthouse and you'll have a beautiful life and yet more beautiful children? It doesn't matter that I think he's an entitled prick –and it doesn't matter how much he may actually love you and not the poor woman he's marrying –the chances of you getting a happy ending here are very slim. You know that, right? Odds are, he'll still marry her, Rory. You're the other woman with the lovechild. Is that really the life you want?"

"I don't –I broke it off with him."

"You have to tell him, Rory."

"What? No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"But you just said –"

"I know what I said. You still have to tell him."

"That's not your decision, Jess," Rory said evenly.

"Nope. It most certainly is not. I can't make you do a damn thing, Rory. But you should tell him. You should know that telling him is the most logical thing to do. It's the right thing to do."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do –because the worst that could happen if this kid is his is that he'll refuse to acknowledge it, which leaves you in a no worse position than if you were to hide it from him. Do you really think if he doesn't leave Miss Swan Princess to be with you that he'll take you to court and fight for sole custody of his lovechild? He won't, because he knows you'll raise the kid and love it, so if he doesn't man up and be with you, or man up and contribute to this child's wellbeing, he's washing his hands of you. Those are the three ways this could go. I may not like Logan, Rory, but that doesn't mean I would agree with you if you chose to hide this from him. I'd fight you every single day on it. I will fight you every single day."

"Why?"

"Because he deserves the chance to be a better man than I think he is. You don't have any right to deprive him of the chance to be a father to that kid, even if it is by paycheque only."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I think the better question is how the hell can you not care? How can you be this callus?" Jess asked harshly. "Do I really need to spell it out for you? That's sad, since you saw it all firsthand and I didn't."

Rory shook her head. "I'm confused. What are you even –"

"Luke."

"What?"

"Luke. Luke has a daughter that he didn't know about for twelve years because some woman took it upon herself to presume that she knew, beyond any shadow of any doubt that Luke was anti-kid, so she never told him. He found out and it killed him. He was confused, he was hurt and he felt robbed. He had to fight that bitch so hard to be a part of April's life. I bet she didn't think he'd care, much less fight –but he fought, he fought like hell. She actively tried to keep April away from him, she sabotaged his relationship with your mom in the process. I mean sure, he took some missteps when he was trying to figure out the parenting thing, but –come on, Rory. Luke took her to court and she tried to paint him as neglectful, because he'd been absent for twelve years; do you know what he had to say in response? He was absent because he didn't know. And if he'd have known, he would've been there from day one. You and I –we understand better than most how crazy that woman is –because to deprive a child of Luke? That's insane. He's the best father there is. He was to you –he was to me. And we're not even his kids, Rory.

"Logan is not half the man Luke is –he might not even be a quarter of the man Luke is- but you don't have any real justification for keeping this from him. He didn't abuse you, he didn't threaten you, he didn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do; you had a fully consensual sexual relationship with him and now you're pregnant with what could be his child. At the very least, he could help pay for the kid. At most, the kid could have a father –fucked up dynamic though it might be, with Daddy's wife being a French socialite, but still," Jess sighed. "He deserves the chance to prove himself to be more than the appendage that may have gotten you into this situation. Don't keep it from him, Rory –it'd be the wrong thing to do. You say he doesn't love this other woman? You say he's not Daddy's tool? You think he really loves you? Give him the chance to prove it."

"I don't know if I can," Rory said quietly.

"Well, you kinda have to. Something tells me I can get scarier than him –so if you're willing to subject yourself to my rage, why won't you tell him? He's in London, Rory. He won't even be able to yell at you for too long on account of he lives with and is engaged to another woman."

Rory looked at Jess sheepishly.

"Oh," Jess said darkly. "I get it. You can get away with him never having to know. He's in London and you broke up with him –how's he going to know you're pregnant? How's he going to know when you're raising a child? He won't. But the thing is, he would –eventually, somehow he'd find out and then all hell would truly break loose.

"Me, on the other hand –you asked me to edit your book, so you can't not tell me. Plus, my uncle is your mom's husband and your surrogate father, so even if you hadn't signed up for quality Jess time and boxed yourself into a corner with me, I'd still find out, right? Also, God help you if that kid has dark brown hair and a crooked mouth, because then I might do the math all on my own. You're quite the piece of work."

"Jess, that's not fair."

"Oh, on the contrary –it's very fair. If it's not, then just tell me I'm wrong without staring at your hands, without turning beet red, without crying. Tell me I'm wrong, Rory."

Rory said nothing.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I realize it takes two people to –but this is the situation you're in now, Rory. You've told me. You have to tell him. Remember when you were screaming at me that day? You said you hated me and I told you that no, you didn't and you said that I should hate you because you hated yourself and we were awful to each other?"

"Yeah."

"What did I tell you –what was my answer to you?"

"Not to say that about myself and that you didn't hate me –that it –that it was never gonna happen," Rory whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Make no mistake, Rory, I'm not this kid's father regardless of what the paternity tests say once it's born. If it turns out to be mine, I'll be the father –the dad that I never got –the father and dad that Luke was to me and to you. If I am this kid's father, I will love them hard –unconditionally.

"No matter what happens with the paternity of this child, you and I are still going to be part of each other's lives –somehow. Once all of this settles down and we know what's what, we'll redefine our normal –it may never be what it was, but we'll find our way back to something even if it takes a really long time," Jess assured her with a heavy sigh; he didn't know how that could possibly be true, but he was willing to pretend as such because he wanted to believe it.

"But I will not be the stand-in father of Logan's kid because it's easier for you to keep the whole thing a secret from him. I won't be Runner Up Dad who steps in when you've withheld this child's existence from the actual father because it'd be 'too complicated' to tell him. You can't expect me to be the primary caregiver and the fatherly influence in the life of a child whom I'm not the father of, just by default because I'm –as it turns out- the more responsible man.

"If you do that –if you choose not to tell Logan at all and then you try to force me into a fatherhood role regardless of who the father actually is just because I'd be the 'better' father –that's all kinds of fucked up and it's monumentally unfair to me.

"You don't get to decide who the father of that baby is, Rory –biology does. If the dad is a deadbeat, you can make sure your child has no shortage of fatherly influences –like Luke's always been to you. Luke loves you unconditionally and he is, for all intents and purposes, your dad. But biologically, your father always was and always will be –" Jess trailed off, realizing for the first time that he didn't know the name of Rory's father.

"Christopher –Christopher Hayden is –he's my dad," Rory said.

"Christopher is your biological father. Luke became your surrogate father, but Christopher will always be your father. And Luke became what he is to you –and Lorelai- after your dad let you down a bunch of times, right? Or he was never quite the pillar of support he promised he'd be, or that you and your mom wanted him to be? So Luke became that guy.

"But Rory –I will not be that guy for you –for Logan's child- by default because you refuse to tell Logan you're even pregnant –that you're having a baby. That's a whole new level of unfair and I won't do it. If you just assume that I'll step in and become a better father than Logan could ever be as an excuse to not tell him –that's bullshit. If you do that, I will hate you."

"I'll find a way to tell him," Rory said sincerely, realizing for the first time the full gravity of what she'd originally planned to tell Logan –which was nothing.

"Soon. You have to talk to him soon."

"I will Jess –I swear. But how will you –I mean, we won't be able to figure out the paternity until the baby's born –you're going to have to make peace with each other on some level during my pregnancy," Rory said carefully.

"I may not like him, but I actually barely know the guy… I'm pretty sure I can be civil, don't worry. If he isn't, I can't promise that I'll continue to be. Plus, he does live in London –somehow I don't think he'll hop the pond every time you have a prenatal checkup," Jess said flatly.

"I'll have to give you his number –in case anything happens during my –"

Jess became immediately anxious at the thought of Rory and her baby being in any danger –a baby that might be his. He kept his tone even when he spoke. "I know. Understandable. I get it. I'll make sure he's in the loop the best I can if –something happens. But I can't be the only one talking to him. Your mom will know better and faster than me what's going on with you. She should be keeping him in the loop first."

"Yeah. Okay. Thank you," Rory said sincerely.

Jess nodded and sighed heavily at the thought of his next question. "What does everyone else think about –whose baby do they think it is?"

"My mom thinks it's Logan's. She doesn't know that you and I –no one else knows anything. I've just told everyone it's complicated and I don't want to talk about it; they're buying it for now. I'm sure the Logan theory will circulate eventually but –no one will suspect you."

"Let's keep it that way –we can tell them the kid's mine if it turns out to be mine. I'll get Greg to keep me in the loop with how things are going with your book –a fifty-fifty split on paper only and I'll deal with the Stars Hollow visits, if there are any. At least that way Luke and Lorelai won't need an explanation for a strange man and not me being there to deal with your book. And whenever I do see them and it comes up, I can tell them you've agreed to let Greg share the responsibility fifty-fifty. That also gives me a reason to be –to be in the loop of what's going on with the pregnancy; as your publisher and editor, I'm on a need-to-know basis when it comes to your prenatal health because it affects our work."

"Wow, you've thought of everything. I'm impressed," Rory said quietly.

"Not everything…" Jess answered cryptically, more to himself than to her. "Look, it's late. I'm tired of fighting. I need to –I need some space. We should go to sleep. And tomorrow, you should go home."

"But you asked me to stay until Sunday…"

"I did –and then you laid this on me. Besides, I'm not even your editor anymore. I'll tell Greg tomorrow that the assignment is his –he'll call you on Sunday to iron out a plan."

"I thought you were going to try and dump me first?"

"I am, but I know these guys –I can't make my case without telling them things that are none of their business. It won't work. You'll win, Rory. You'll still get your God damn book."

"Jess, I –"

"Rory, please," Jess said tersely, clenching his jaw. "I can't do this anymore today. I can't listen to you make excuses and apologize and I can't deal with you looking at me with Bambi eyes. What you did to me was wrong –putting me in this position and then just dumping this news on me was wrong and you know it. I can't listen to you apologize because underneath it, I can tell you still don't quite understand how badly you fucked up. So I need you to stop. I. Can't. Do. This. Anymore."

"Okay," Rory whispered, holding back her tears.

"Will you be okay to sleep on the couch or do you need –do you need my bed?"

"I was good to sleep on the couch before you knew I was pregnant. I'm still good here, Jess. Thank you."

"Fine," he sighed, going to the front closet and grabbing a few extra blankets and pillows. "Here." He handed them to her without even looking at her, turning on his heel and heading towards his bedroom, whacking the light switch angrily on the way by.

"Jess?" Rory whispered sadly into the darkness.

Jess stopped in his bedroom doorway, keeping his back turned on Rory. His silhouette casted a harsh outline in the shadows. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I really am sorry, Jess. I know I was wrong. I am wrong. And I'm so sorry," she cried.

"It's a start," he whispered flatly. "Do better, Rory. Be better. That kid deserves better than who you are and what you're doing right now. I know you're dealing with a lot –but you have to start dealing. You can't run away from this, unless you don't plan to keep the kid. Is that your plan?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Then get yourself together. Figure out your shit. Do better. Be better, Rory."

Jess woke early the next morning from a fitful and unrestful slumber. When he stumbled out into his tiny living room, it was just past eight thirty. Rory was gone. The blankets were folded neatly on the couch with the pillows topping off the stack. Jess saw a tiny scrap of paper:

You're right. Once again, you were much nicer than I deserve. I'm not sure how, but I will figure out how to be better. I'll figure my shit out. Thank Greg in advance for me. Thank you for –well, just –yeah. Talk soon.

-Rory


Rory had just driven out of Brooklyn city limits when she pulled her car over in the parking lot of a small diner. As she pulled out her cell phone, her hand shook uncontrollably. She needed to do this before she lost her nerve. It took her three tries just to find Logan's number in her contacts and connect the call.

Logan picked up on the second ring. "Ace?" he said in surprise, a smile creeping into his voice. "This is a surprise. I never thought I was gonna hear from you again after New Hampshire. How are you doing? Talk to me."

"Is now a bad time?" Rory asked shakily.

"No. Now's actually a perfect time. Mitchum's at a meeting with partners in Liverpool and I'm alone in my office. What's going on?"

"I have to tell you something and it's –it's more complicated than it sounds, which is quite the feat because it's already pretty complicated –"

"Rory, just take a deep breath and say it, okay? I can't have you hyperventilating, Ace –I'm too far away to provide you with a paper bag," Logan laughed. He'd missed her voice; he'd missed her rambling.

"I –I'm," she took a deep breath and tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Rory, what's the matter? Come on. You think you can't talk to me because of what you said in New Hampshire? Is that it? It's forgotten. I promise. Come on, just tell me –"

"I'm pregnant, Logan."

Logan felt the air escape his lungs. He snapped out of his haze for long enough to get up from his desk and shut the door to his office and throw the lock. Sitting back down, he concentrated on breathing –in and out, in and out. "Pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"How far along?"

"Three months, give or take."

Logan did some quick mental math. "That means –"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Um, okay. Sorry, you'll just need to give me a sec here, I –"

"Logan," Rory said, sharp enough to cut him off. "There's –there's something else."

"Something else? What something else?"

"Please, don't say anything until I finish explaining –this is going to be hard enough."

"Rory, what are you –?"

"Logan, please. Just promise me. I need to get this out and I need you to not say anything until I do –I just need you to listen."

"Okay. I promise. I'm all ears. Talk to me," he said with a sigh.

"The day before you came to Stars Hollow with Robert and Colin and Finn, I had a bit of a meltdown and someone was there to comfort me and we –"

"Permission to ask a question…"

Rory stayed silent.

Logan took this as tacit approval of his request. "Who, Rory?" he asked quietly, barely above a whisper. "Who was it? Do I –have I met him?"

"Yes. A long time ago."

"So it's not that boyfriend of yours –Peter?"

"His name is Paul," Rory sighed. "And no."

"Then who? Who is he?"

"Jess."

"The –that guy who wrote a book years ago? The one you used to date? I thought his name was John, or Jack?"

"No –his name has always been Jess, Logan. And yeah. Him."

"You haven't mentioned him in years…"

"I hadn't seen him in years –until…" Rory trailed off.

"Well," Logan said, taking a deep breath. "This should be illuminating. Please, continue. I promise, you have my full attention."


"I don't know what this is, Rory," he whispered against her skin, his words vibrating through her, "and you don't either, and that's fine. But it's not nothing. Tell me you understand that and I'll give you exactly what you want. No elephant in the room, no weirdness –ever. I promise you. I can do that for you, if you can do the same. But I need to know you understand that this?" Jess' tongue darted out and licked a line up to her belly button. "This is not nothing."

The weight of sleeping with Rory –which Jess could justify balancing and carrying for the both of them- and the weight of the unintended consequence of that choice were two very different things. Jess didn't regret their time together and he didn't regret his choice to allow it to happen, but the added weight of impending fatherhood threatened to cause his strong shoulders to buckle. He'd done so well, allowing that day to exist in a bubble –and then she shows up and pops it. Jess had no idea how he was going to pick up the pieces –how he was going to suspend this in a bubble.

The next six months –the not knowing would drive him insane. But then what? What if Jess was the baby's father? What if he wasn't the baby's father? He didn't even know which outcome he actually wanted. Had he meant what he said –would he really refuse to step up if it was Logan's kid and Logan was conveniently not interested in being a father? Could he really ignore the child of this woman he was destined –it seemed- to be entangled with for the rest of his earthly days, just because the kid turned out not to be his?

It didn't matter what happened to Jess and Rory's relationship on the surface –he was in this, whether he wanted to be or not. He knew years ago that Rory would always be part of him, and this pregnancy seemed like the metaphorical branding iron sealing that fate, no matter whose child she was carrying. She may never be the center of his world again, as she once was, but she'd always be part of it –and now it wasn't just her who'd be spinning on his axis, even just in the periphery, but her child too –maybe Logan's child.

He'd gotten what he needed from Rory in that moment –he got her to acknowledge what he knew the instant he pressed his lips to her forehead the first time –it wasn't nothing. It was something. If only Jess could've known then what that really meant –if only he'd known just how massive the 'not nothing' would be.

Jess pulled out his phone and dialed a number. He plastered a fake smile on his face when the call connected, to do his best at coming across as –well, normal at the very least, if not joyful, as opposed to confused, angry, used and crushed. "Hey, just the person I wanted to talk to. Yeah, it's me… Oh shit, I woke you. I'm sorry. I didn't really sleep last night and I couldn't stay in bed anymore, I guess I didn't realize how early it was… Yeah, she was here –she left… No, no. Everything went fine –better than expected actually, that's why she took off early, so that she could spend the bulk of the weekend with her family. So listen, I gotta talk to you… There needs to be a change in the plan I told you about… No, I don't think you should be nervous… I think agreeing to take point on editing the manuscript of a memoir by someone I have a long, personal and sordid history with might've been me biting off more than I can chew –that's what I want to talk to you about, but hear me out before you react okay?... Good, so here's what's going on…"

While he was on the phone, Jess got a text message from Rory. Sorry for taking off so early. Figured it was best to leave before you woke up.

Jess laughed bitterly. Yeah, I know how that is. I actually read your note; it's all good –it's not like I was worried you stole my silverware.

Right. Well, I… I just wanted you to know that I called Logan. He knows. He knows about… you, too. He won't tell anyone about the… confusion. He'll go along with everyone's assumption that it couldn't be anyone else's but his.

Wow. That was fast. And a surprisingly civil way for him to respond.

Yeah well, you weren't privy to his less than civil comments –of which there were no shortage. You were right, Jess –keeping it from him would've been a mistake.

Yeah. If only I could gloat.

I'm so sorry, Jess.

Jess took ten minutes to answer her. Yeah, you said that already. I have things to do, Rory. A weekend is a loose term for someone who owns a business. Drive safe. Tell Luke and your mom we were super-efficient, we stayed up most of last night watching movies and after a few hours of sleep you hit the road. Call me if you need, but otherwise I'll talk to you when I talk to you –which shouldn't be too long considering –that- and my company's still in charge of your book.

He shut his phone off and tossed it on the coffee table, sinking down into the couch and burying his face and head in his hands. He was sitting in exactly the same spot he'd been in the night before when Rory told him she was pregnant and his whole world fell out from under him; when everything he thought he knew turned out to be something else. "How the fuck did this become my life," Jess whispered to himself angrily, taking one of the pillows he'd given to Rory off the neat stack she'd made and whipping it across the room.