A/N All of the dialogue in this chapter is taken directly from the episode. The other 1300 or so words are mine. :-)
Oops! I forgot to thank my wonderful beta, Cynbad3! Sorry, Cyn!
Disclaimer in chapter 1
Chapter 7
Sam leafed through Dean's magazine for a few minutes, but cars didn't hold the same interest for him that they did for his brother. He thought about reading his book, but he didn't think he could concentrate on the story right now. He finally gave up and grabbed a comic book from the stack beside Dean's bed. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he couldn't have told which one he picked up if his life depended on it . . . which made him think about monsters and life-threatening situations all over again. He sat back down on the sofa, leaning his back against the arm, and opened the comic book.
Maybe if he could lose himself in the pages of the comic for a little while, Dean would be back and then he could relax. But right now, every noise was still making him jump, and his heart thudded painfully in his chest. He thought that maybe he should turn the television back on to cover up the noises, but there were two problems with that idea. The first problem was that maybe he might miss an important noise that would let him know that he needed to run or something. The second problem was that to turn the television back on, he would need to get off the sofa and walk across the floor to the television. He knew it was silly, but he felt safer on the sofa. He tried to take deep breaths and stay calm.
A thump at the door made him jump, but then the doorknob turned, and his brother walked in. Sam relaxed instantly but didn't want to show Dean how scared he had been. The best way to cover up his fear was with an attack. He glared at his brother, throwing the comic book on the couch. "I thought you went out."
Dean was carrying a bag from the convenience store up the street. He pulled a smaller bag out of it and tossed it at Sam. "Yeah, to get you dinner." He tossed a bag of Funyuns to him, smirking. "Don't forget your vegetables."
Dean continued on to his bed and set the bag down so he could take off his coat. Sam left his 'dinner' on the sofa and headed over to his own bed with his comic book. He sat there for a minute watching as Dean pulled a soda can out of the bag and popped the top. Sam was still trying to decide what to say. His heart was still pounding, but he just knew Dean would fix everything. There would be a logical explanation for everything he had read and then they would laugh together at his silly ideas. But before they could get to that point, he had to let Dean know what he had done. He finally just blurted out the first thing that popped into his head. "I know why you keep a gun under your pillow."
Dean looked startled for a minute and turned to his pillow, lifting it to make sure the gun was still there. Seeing that it was where it belonged, he glared at Sam. "No, you don't . . . and stay out of my stuff."
More than anything, Sam hated to have Dean angry with him, so he wished he could just drop it. But he needed to keep going. "And I know why we lay salt down everywhere we go."
Now Dean looked really angry. "No, you don't! Shut up."
Sam cringed inwardly at what he was about to do, but he had known when he took the journal that he was not going to be able to keep it a secret forever. He stretched across his bed and tugged the book from under his mattress. Sitting back up, he showed it defiantly to his brother before tossing it onto the night stand between the two beds.
As he had expected, Dean erupted from his bed at that, demanding to know where Sam had gotten Dad's book and reminding him of how much trouble he was going to be in. Sam knew all that already. He just didn't care until he found out the answer to his most burning question. He kept his fierce gaze on his brother and leaned forward, ignoring Dean's outburst. "Are monsters real?"
For a few seconds, Dean looked panic stricken, but then his expression hardened and he scoffed at his brother. "What? You're crazy!"
But Dean and Sam had been inseparable for most of the past eight years, and Sam could read his brother like a book. Dean was wearing the same expression he had worn when he talked to the librarian. He was lying. Now Sam was starting to feel a little sick, but he kept his eyes on his brother, forcing himself to continue. "Tell me."
Dean bit his lip, looking hesitant, like he couldn't decide what to do. He looked over at the journal and then back to Sam. Finally, he glared fiercely at Sam, his mind made up. "I swear, if you ever tell Dad I told you any of this I will end you!"
Sam's heart pounded faster. He was finally going to find out the truth. "Promise."
Dean sat down on the bed, setting his soda can on the night stand. Sam thought he seemed relieved now that he had decided to tell him. Dean leaned forward, glancing once again at the journal and then making eye contact with his little brother. "First thing you have to know is we have the coolest Dad in the world. He's a super hero!"
That was the last thing Sam had been expecting his brother to say. It didn't seem to have anything to do with the journal or monsters. "He is?"
"Yeah." Dean took a deep breath. "Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now."
Sam's head was reeling from this announcement. He leaned forward too, mirroring his brother. He felt like his mind was trying to think of too many things at once. "But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real."
Dean grinned a little at that. "That's because he'd already checked under there." He paused for a moment, watching Sam's reaction carefully. "Yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real."
Sam thought about that for a moment, then asked if Santa was real, not overly surprised at Dean's negative answer. He had more important things to think about. He had been expecting a logical explanation, and instead apparently the journal was real. Which meant that all those hideous scary monsters in it were real, too? His eyes widened as his fear grew again. "If monsters are real, then they can get us. They can get me!"
Dean shifted seamlessly into what Sam called 'big brother mode'. His face was calm and reassuring, and he spoke soothingly. "Dad's not going to let them get you."
Sam wasn't ready to be soothed, however. "But what if they get him?"
Dean continued seriously. "They aren't going to get Dad. Dad's like . . . the best."
Even in his fear, Sam could hear the hero worship in his brother's voice. But he had read too much of that journal. "I read in Dad's book that they got Mom." It was the first time in his life he had ever spoken of his mother so naturally, and it seemed a little crazy that it was in reference to being killed by monsters.
Dean looked away. "It's complicated, Sam."
But Sam wasn't done with his line of thinking. "If they got Mom, then they can get Dad. And if they get Dad, they can get us!" By now he was terrified.
Dean must have realized that, because he stood up and moved over to Sam's bed, sitting reassuringly close to his little brother. "It's not like that. Okay? Dad's fine, we're fine. Trust me." He watched Sam's face anxiously for a moment. "Are you okay?"
Sam wasn't sure he would ever be okay again. Everything he had believed and been told his whole life had been a complete lie. Now he felt vulnerable, scared and lied to. But Dean had told him the truth when he asked, so he didn't want to take it out on him. So instead he told his own lie. "Yeah."
He suspected Dean could see right through him, though, because his brother continued after a pause. "Dad's going to be here for Christmas, just like he always is."
Sam was so upset about the revelations in the journal and what Dean had just told him, he wasn't sure he even cared if Dad made it home for Christmas. Although . . . that would mean an extra person who could keep him safe. He didn't even want to think about this anymore. "I just want to go to sleep, okay?"
He turned away from Dean before the embarrassing tears came, curling on his side on his bed. He vaguely heard his brother agree, but he wasn't really paying much attention to Dean anymore. He was trying to be a man about this, but it was just too much. A sob escaped him as tears overflowed his eyes.
Dean wrapped a warm hand around Sam's ankle, trying to make him feel better. "It'll all be better when you wake up. You'll see. Promise."
In that moment, Sam wished he had never taken that journal. Dean had been right. He really didn't want to know. Sam ignored his big brother and cried himself to sleep.
TBC...
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