Title: Bittersweet: A Christmas Story
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers for "In Plane Sight"
Note: Liauno sent me the story idea (thanks Lia!) with the basic guidelines and I took it from there.
Once he started talking, the floodgates opened and he told Mrs. B everything he had been keeping inside. When he was done, she was right, he did feel better. But he was still nervous about letting the guys in. They had gotten closer to him than anybody ever had, with the exception possibly of Father Maghill. He trusted them with his life, but it was his heart he wasn't sure of. He was afraid and he told her so.
"What are you so afraid of, sugar?"
"I'm afraid that if I do talk to them, they won't understand. Or even worse, they'll think I'm weak. I'd almost rather them be angry at me than have them pity me." He balled up his fist and pounded the bed in frustration. "I'm a 34 year old war vet…and not to mention a fugitive…some childhood issues should be the least of my problems. What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like such a baby about this?"
"There ain't nothin' wrong with you, Templeton Peck," she said using his full name to try to break through to him. "You're probably feeling the way you do 'cause the child inside of you is still hurtin' about the past. You need to let him grieve and the only way to do that is to stop keeping everything trapped inside."
Mrs. B could see that Face was at the end of his emotional rope. He had just vocalized things to her that he had never told another living sole. He had started to tremble under the covers and his skin had taken on a grey cast to it.
"You feelin' alright, hon?" she asked placing her cool hand upon his warm forehead.
"Just a little tired," he yawned, closing his eyes. He intentionally left out that he felt as if the bed were rocking from side to side.
"Go to sleep," she said placing a soft kiss on his cheek and squeezing his hand lightly. "Remember, your family is here for you. You just need to trust them enough to let them in." Face squeezed her hand in return; she was right, but he didn't trust himself to actually do it.
Mrs. B waited until his head had dropped off the side and she was sure he was asleep before slipping out the door. Almost running into Hannibal, she placed her finger to her lips then mouthed, "he's sleeping".
Hannibal waited until they were in the living room before asking, "How is he?"
"About the same," she answered honestly. "John, I need you to do me a favor."
"Sure, if I can."
"I want you to call a team meeting tomorrow morning."
Hannibal frowned, not wanting to disappoint Mrs. B. "That might not be a good idea at the moment."
"Please John," she implored. "Do it for Face." She saw his expression softening; she had hit a nerve. "Trust me."
"Okay, I guess it couldn't hurt. Tomorrow morning it is."
After breakfast the next day, Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. walked into Face's room much like they had walked out the day before. They moved single-filed and silent and took seats on the bed opposite from Face. Hannibal and Murdock seemed anxious, while B.A. just looked annoyed.
'Uh-oh,' Face thought. 'What did I do wrong now?'
Mrs. B pulled her chair over between the beds and stood behind it, holding onto the back for support. "Y'all have been friends for too long to be actin' this way. You've been to hell and back with each other…can't you see that you're more than friends? Now, one of you is having a rough go of things right now." She paused and looked at Face with a reassuring smile. "I think it's about time he told you what was going on."
Face felt sick. All eyes were now upon him. They were waiting for him to speak, but he didn't know where to begin. "Mrs. B, I…uh…I don't think I can do this," he said softly looking up at her.
Moving around to the front of her chair, she sat down and looked him straight in the eye. "Yes, you can. And if you don't tell them, I will." It was a threat, but said with compassion and understanding, it served the purpose of giving Face strength.
"I think I owe you all an apology for what happened the other night," Face started, looking down at his lap.
"It's about time," B.A. grumbled.
Face's head snapped up at the remark. "I bet you had mama's chocolate cake after dinner every Christmas Eve when you were a kid, didn't you? Then you probably went to bed all excited waiting for Santa to come." Face could feel his blood pressure rising; his heart pounding in his chest. "You know what I did after dinner every Christmas Eve?" He looked over at B.A., and when the big man didn't answer he raised his voice and asked again, "do you!"
"No," B.A. answered simply, stunned by the tone of his friend's voice and the fire in his eyes.
"I would sneak out the window and sit by myself in the dark and imagine what it would be like to be somebody like you. To have what you had…a family who loved me enough to spend the time making me a chocolate cake. I wasn't disrespecting your mama the other day. I took one bite of that wonderful cake and it made me realize how lucky I now was to finally have a family of my own." Face took a quivering breath, and released it slowly. "That's what I consider you guys…my family."
He had never told them that before. He wondered if they felt the same way and feared they didn't. The anger seemed to drain from Face and he bit at his lower lip trying to hide his emotions.
"Who's the fool now, son?" Mrs. B asked with raised eyebrows.
"I'm sorry, Faceman. I didn't think…I wasn't tryin' to…to hurt ya," he stuttered. "Mama's right, I'm a fool."
Murdock smiled brightly. "Does that mean I can start calling you 'fool' too?"
"Not unless you want me to break your lips," he responded, holding up a balled fist.
Face grinned at the exchange and then cleared his throat. "Listen guys, I know I've been a real drag around the holidays. It's just that it's real hard for me; too many bad memories and feelings. That's why I wanted to stay behind…I didn't want to drag you all down."
"Face, why didn't you tell us about this before?" Hannibal asked. "We would have understood, but we can't understand something we don't know."
Face sighed deeply, triggering a coughing spell. Everyone jumped up at once to grab him a glass of water from the nightstand. It would have been funny, if his chest still didn't hurt so badly. The coughing subsided and he drank deeply before continuing. "I wanted to tell you guys, but it's hard for me to talk about my past. And then when B.A. mentioned Mrs. Hicks and the cookies, it reminded me of that time when I did try to talk about it. And well, you know how well that turned out."
"You're on a real roll, B.A.," Murdock joked.
"I'm gonna roll your head off your body if you don't shut-up," B.A. growled, more angry with himself than at Murdock.
"Oh geez," Hannibal groaned, rubbing at the stubble on his chin. "We totally blew you off, didn't we?"
"Oh, it's alright. I know you didn't mean anything by it." Face put his head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling. "But sometimes I'm afraid that if I tell you guys something, you'll just laugh at me. I don't know…it's like you don't take me seriously sometimes."
"That's because, of all of us, you seem to have it the most together," Murdock said thoughtfully.
"If that's true, then I'd say we are all in some serious trouble," Face said with a half hearted grin.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Murdock is right," B.A. lamented.
Hannibal nodded. "Maybe you're a better con man than any of us ever realized. We wouldn't intentionally say things to hurt you. And if you feel like we don't take you seriously, you're wrong."
"Yeah, Muchacho…there is only one person on this team that isn't taken seriously, and that would be me. So stop trying to steal my thunder," Murdock teased, trying to look serious.
"I'll try, Murdock," Face said wearily.
Mrs. B sat back, arms crossed in satisfaction, smiling from ear to ear. 'Mission accomplished', she thought. Seeing the exhaustion written all over her patient's face, she knew it was time to wrap things up. "So are you all friends again?"
"No," B.A. blurted out bluntly, to everybody's shock. He surprised them even more by getting up, walking over to Face, and taking hold of his hand. "We ain't friends…we family."
It had been four days since the air had been cleared and Face was feeling almost as good as new.
Mrs. B had declared that as soon as Face was well enough, they would start over and have a full blown Christmas extravaganza, and today was the day. It also happened to be New Year's Eve.
"I'd like to make a toast," Hannibal said standing up at the dinner table. "To good friends, good food, and a most beautiful hostess."
Mrs. B blushed and smiled brightly at the compliment.
"Here, here," they all said clinking glasses.
"I wish you all a very Merry Christmas," Hannibal said, and turning to Face he added, "and a happy New Year full of happy new memories to replace some of the older ones."
"I'll drink to that," Face smiled.
And when Mrs. B handed out the chocolate cake later in the evening, she saved the largest slice for Face, who devoured every morsel of it.
And this time, there was nothing bitter about it…just sweet; the cake and especially the moment.
The End
