Chapter Seven

Finnick and I aren't doing too great. We still love each other but it seems like we are tip toeing around something. It's like something in our relationship is now missing. I know it is related to Olivia's death. I just don't understand why.

I'm in the kitchen looking at the mail. I frown and start to feel helpless as I open a card. It's a card saying I'm sorry for your loss. Finnick and I started getting these in the mail a few days ago. I don't know how everyone suddenly found out. I told my Mom to spread the news around so I wouldn't have to tell anyone else. That's probably why these people know. I don't understand why they bother. If these people really cared about us they would call or respect Finnick's and mine's choice to be left alone.

People need to stop sending them because it makes me cry. Finnick just rips them up and throws them away. Sometimes he doesn't bother opening the envelope.

I lay my head on the table and cover my hair over my face. Finnick should be home from work soon. Hopefully he'll think I just fell asleep.

I'm going back to work next week. I'm fine with that. I don't really like just sitting around doing nothing. I would've gone back sooner but the doctor advised against it. As soon as I got the green light I got on the ball to go back to work.

I hear the door open and try to stay still.

"Hey." Finnick says while coming home from work. I don't turn his way. I can tell he brought home dinner from the smell. I haven't felt like making dinner. I keep thinking I'm depressed. I'm not sad all the time but I don't feel like myself.

My friend Johanna has come over to talk to me once she heard. Finnick's friend Peeta has come over too but he mostly wanted to talk to Finnick. It's awkward no matter how you put it. I think it is when ever someone dies. There never is a right thing to say or do. I think knowing that people care about your well being helps. I like knowing someone else is there for me besides Finnick.

"I got pizza, pepperoni and- Annie." Finnick says worried. He sets his stuff down and walks to the kitchen. He stars rubbing my back. "What's wrong?" He whispers. He moves my hair so it is no long covering my face. "Why are you crying?" He asks gently.

I shake my head and conceal my face into my arm.

"Annie, you can talk to me." He kisses the top of my head. "Okay?" He says and rubs my back.

I don't say anything.

Finnick sighs.

"I love you sweetie." He whispers. "Just please let me in and talk to me."

I sniffle.

Talking to Finnick has been becoming harder and harder. I used to be able to tell him anything, now I don't even want him to know what I'm feeling. It's been like this since Olivia's funeral.

Finnick hasn't gotten fed up with me and if he has, he doesn't bother sharing. It seems to be a theme with both of us now, not talking about our real problems but making light quips about how our day was.

"Are you okay?" He asks more serious this time. He sounds worried.

"No." I whimper.

Finnick kisses my forehead.

"Do you want to talk?" He asks.

"I… I-" I start but can feel myself about to cry so I shake my head.

Finnick sighs.

"I got dinner." He says instead knowing he won't be able to make me talk. He brings over the pizza box.

Finnick talks about his day. They got new interns at his work. Finnick is always likes when they get new people. Although he doesn't sound very excited in his tone. It sounds like he is reciting a speech. It's because he's forcing the conversation.

"They're setting up a new attraction in the reptile house. Not my area but, they seem to be excited about it. I think it's because the new Jurassic Park movie. Reptiles have been more…noticeable I think they put it. Even though people liked Jurassic Park because of the dinosaurs." Finnick says unamused. "As I recall you wanted to see it because it had the Parks and Recreation guy in it." Finnick says.

I nod and take a bite of the pizza. I reach my hand out for the packet of sprinkle cheese but Finnick stops me. He holds my hand instead.

"I just wanted the cheese Finnick." I say softly. It's the first real thing I've said since he has come home.

"I just wanted to hold your hand." He whispers.

"I'm sure the Beatles feel the same way." I mutter.

Finnick sighs.

"Annie how much longer can this go on?" He asks.

"What?" I ask confused.

"You and me not speaking." He says softly.

"We were just talking. You were talking about some reptile house and Chris Pratt." I say.

"You know what I mean Annie." He says. I do know what he means. The fact he noticed it as well makes me feel better and worse.

I look towards him. He looks sad. He doesn't look like the Finnick I'm used to.

"I…I don't know. I do love you." I whisper.

"I love you too." He whisper and kisses my cheek. "But then why does it feel like I'm pulling teeth whenever I talk to you?" He asks and strokes my hair.

"That doesn't have to do with love." I whisper.

"No, but if we can't talk to each other… what kind of relationship is that?" He whispers.

My chin trembles and I hug him.

"I can't loose you Finnick." I whimper into his chest.

"I can't loose you either." He kisses the top of my head. "But we don't really have a relationship if we can't talk to each other."

I sniff.

"I can't talk to you about it because it hurts too much. You also think I didn't do anything wrong."

"Annie, sweetie, there's nothing you did wrong." He whispers.

I grasp onto Finnick tighter.

"I can't talk to you because you put me on a pedestal. You think I'm perfect. It hurts so much knowing that when I'm a failure." I whisper.

"Annie I don't put you on a pedestal. I know you're not perfect either." He says and kisses the top of my head.

"But, that failure part." I whimper.

"I'll never think you're a failure." He kisses the top of my head. "I can help you Annie but you just need to talk to me."

I pull Finnick close to me and start sobbing into his chest. Mourning our daughter and not talking to one another clearly isn't working.

The way Finnick is talking it's as if he's been thinking worse case scenario. It sounds like Finnick thinks our marriage is on a downward spiral and if it doesn't stop soon, we will be in danger of loosing one another forever.

I hiccup.

Finnick is rocking me back and forth. He has been for awhile now.

"Why haven't we gotten rid of all of it yet?" I whisper.

"Gotten rid of what?" Finnick whispers and kisses my forehead.

"All that stuff in… the spare room." I say. We still have all the baby stuff in there. We just keep the door closed but I still know it's in there.

"I thought closing the door was okay." Finnick says.

"I want it gone. It just has an illusion of what was supposed to happen." I whisper.

Finnick nods.

"We can rid of it tomorrow."

I nod.

"That's something." He whispers and kisses my cheek.

Finnick and I talk well into the night. We talk about the last few months. I mention all the things I wanted to say before. Finnick does the same. I cry. Finnick cries. We both cry. We figure out a lot and apologize for ignoring each other. I don't think one conversation, even though it was hours, will help the few months Finnick and I ignored each other. This won't be fixed up by tomorrow. I might just want to become more introverted and keep to myself. I think going back to work will help.

The next day Finnick moves all the baby stuff out of the spare room and puts it in storage. It's a start to move on at least.


"Oh Mrs. Odair." Christina says with a smile as soon as I walk into the building.

It's my first day back at work. I didn't sleep well the last night. I was dreading all the people I will need to talk to. These people are either going to offer their sorrows or ignore it completely. I don't know which one will be worse.

"Hi." I say softly.

"So sorry to hear what happened." She says and smiles.

"Me too." I whisper softly. "Do you have anything for me?" I ask.

She nods.

"Everything is waiting in your office." She says.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"Mrs. Odair." She says and I turn back around.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I truly am sorry." She says.

I nod and turn back around.

A few tears leak out while I make my way to my office.

I set my things down and see some paperwork, at least a dozen manuscripts and, messages from clients.

I sigh.

I start my day by calling people back. The people I am familiar with give their sympathies.

When it's mid day I close my office door. I've gotten condolences from the majority of the staff. We don't have many employees because the company is still growing.

Gregg and Conner haven't stopped by. Which I am thankful for. Their the bosses and founders of this place. I almost expected one of them to come by. Gregg is my friend. I've been to his house and he's been to mine as well. I've met his kids and wife. I think he didn't come because he knew I wouldn't like it, same as Conner.

I reach for my phone when I take my lunch. I reach for it debating if I should call.

I close my eyes and dial the number.

"Annie?" Finnick says worried.

"Hi." I say softly. "I know you're on lunch break so I thought I would call." I say. It will help trying to get our relationship back to normal. I've considered therapy but I don't think Finnick and I are in that type of danger. I think we can figure it out ourselves.

"That's sweet." He says and I smile.

"How is the first day back?" He asks.

"I think it will be better tomorrow." I say softly.

"Why?" He asks.

"I just have a lot of phone calls to make. People also keep saying how sorry they feel for me." I say and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"That's okay Annie." He says gently. "They're just trying to be nice."

"I know but it makes me feel sad." I say.

"I know. When I came back to work people did the same to me. It's all okay Annie, they mean well." He says.

I nod even though he can't see me.

"So, what have you been doing?" I ask.

"Nothing really, one of the whales is sick so I have been taking care of her." He says.

"I bet you're good at making them feel better." I say.

"Well yes, but that's part of the job." He says.

"Yeah but I bet you're the best." I say.

"I can't argue with that." He says.

It's silent.

"Annie we should go out this weekend." He says startling me.

"Like a date?" I tease.

"Exactly like a date." He says.

"Can married couples go on dates?" I ask skeptical and he laughs.

"Yes. I'll even set it all up. Just like before we got married." He says.

"Okay…yeah I'll go out with you Finnick." I say and smile.

"Good." He says. "I gotta go Annie." He says.

"Okay." I say. "I love you."

"Love you too. See you tonight." He says.

I hang up the phone and put my hand on my lips. I wonder what this date will be like. Either way, it will be nice to get away. Especially since Finnick and I are trying to strengthen our relationship.