Hey, thank you all for the reviews. I'm glad that none of you saw Taylor being Marshall's daughter coming. I had been trying to put in some clue in the earlier chapter but didn't want to give it away. This is quite a long chapter, I hope you like it. Please review and let me know!
Enjoy!
Unplanned Life
For a few seconds there was complete silence after the front door slammed behind Marshall. Then the whispers and murmurs started; all from people he didn't even know Marshall. Mary looked towards Stan; eyes wide, silently asking what she should do when Tia making a move caught her eye.
"Where are you going?" Jo-Anne grabbed her sister's arm.
"I need to find him…" Tia cried, shrugging her off. "I need to explain."
"And what about Taylor?"
"She has you." She replied. "Marshall doesn't have…"
"He has me!" Mary stepped forward. "You need to stay away from him…"
"Mary…" Tia started.
"No, I swear to god, if you got anywhere near him…" Mary made her way to the door, glaring at Tia the whole time. "I knew you were bad news…I knew you would end up hurting him…"
"You don't understand…"
"I don't care what you have to say…"
"Mary." Stan cut in.
"What?" She asked, daring him to tell her to stay out of it.
"Find him…" He told her. "I take care of things here…You take care of him."
"Make sure she doesn't follow me." She shot Tia another look.
Mary stormed towards her car, thankful she had parked on the street so no one was blocking her in and when she heard footsteps behind her, she spun around, expecting Tia but was surprised to see Raph.
"I can't talk…I need to go." She said, pulling her car keys out of her pocket.
"I can come to…" He offered. "Help you."
"Help me with what?"
"With Marshall…"
"No."
"Mary, please just let me…"
"No! God, Raph…what the hell do you think you can do?" She spun around again. "I get that we're in a relationship…that you want to share things but you don't get to be a part of Marshall and I."
He shook his head a little. "Do you even know how that sounds?"
"I don't care." She said, frustrated. "I don't care that I have a weird relationship with Marshall…I don't care that you don't understand it…all I care about is that he's out there hurting and I need to make sure he's okay because I know damn well he would be doing the same for me, except he's better at it than me."
"We need to talk about this…"
"Yeah, maybe we do…but not now." She told him. "I'm not going to say or feel any different in a few hours, days, weeks or months…I understand if you can't deal with that…You should know, this is my life and it's not going to change."
"Mary…" He called again but she was already getting into her car and starting up the engine. He sighed, watching as she sped away. He knew their relationship was in trouble and he didn't know how to fix it… or if it could be fixed.
XxXxX
It was almost 5am and Mary was still driving around looking for Marshall. She couldn't find him anywhere. She had gone to his house but wasn't surprised he wasn't there. She went to the office more than once and to the bars they liked to hang out at. She drove around the few places that she knew he went jogging or just to get some time alone to think…She even roped Bobby D in to help look for him.
Around 2:30am, she returned to the office for fourth time and stayed there for almost two hours, just waiting. Partly to see if he would turn up and partly to avoid going home. She had meant what she said to Raph but the only reason she said it was because she was angry at what Tia had done to Marshall. She knew she would have to face him eventually and she knew it was possibly the end of their relationship but it was probably for the best. She liked Raph, a lot…He had gotten closer to then most but she still kept up that barrier to keep him out of the part of her heart her father had crumbled when he left…Just like she did with everyone else…Except there was one person who got past all the walls she put up without her even noticing. One person that he been slowly rebuilding her heart, crumb by crumb…Now he was the one hurting and she wanted to be there for him.
When she reached his house again, she was relieved to see his truck parked in the driveway and although there were no lights, she prayed he was inside. She sent a quick text to Stan, letting her know where she was before making her way to the door.
She let herself in, using her key and quietly closed the door behind her. She glanced into the living room and saw it was empty before moving into the kitchen.
Her heart broke when saw her partner, sat on the floor, leaning back against the counter with a half empty bottle of scotch by his side. She entered the room fully and silently lowered herself to floor, sitting beside him.
"Don't…" He whispered, his eyes not moving from the window where the sun was beginning to rise.
"Don't what?"
"Don't ask about it." He told her. "Don't say anything about it…I can't talk about it…Please, Mare…I just can't."
His voice was low, barely recognizable as his and she could tell he was on the edge of losing the last thread of control that he somehow still had. She knew he had every right to be angry, upset, and heartbroken but she was surprised how much this affected him, making her think that there was more to it then she knew. Since Tia's arrival, there has always been something that didn't quite make sense…something that Marshall was holding back and although she understood the need, more than most, to keep what hurts him hidden, she needed to know so she could help him.
"How much have you drunk?" She questioned, softly gesturing to the bottle.
"None." He answered, honestly. "The smell made me feel sick…"
She sighed quietly; she may have been able to get more out of him if he wasn't completely sober. People thought she was the one that kept everything bottled up but Marshall was better at it…Most people didn't even realize he was doing it.
"I'm begging you, Mare…Just leave me alone."
"Okay…" She agreed. "Okay, we won't talk about Tia or Taylor."
Marshall tensed at Taylor's name, Mary saw him blinking a few time and wondered if he was trying to keep tears at bay.
"Can we talk about something else?" She asked and although, he didn't agree, he didn't protest either. "What's going on with us?"
He looked at her for the first time, his brow creased with confusion. "Us?"
"There's been something off with us…I know you've been busy with…." She paused for a second. "Been busy lately but even before that, we've been distant."
She could tell by the look on his face that he knew what she was talking about. "Things have changed, Mare…"
"Why?"
"Because you got engaged…" He looked away again.
"It's about Raph?" She asked. "That's why you stopped coming by the house? Why we don't go out anymore? Why there are no mores calls about some random documentary you're watching?"
"You're going to marry the guy, Mare… I was getting in the way."
"No."
"Mary…"
"You listen to me…You're my best friend…You were not and never have been in the way." She said firmly. "I've hated how things have been…I've missed you."
"I just…I just wanted you to be happy." He told her. "I didn't want to ruin what you have with Raph."
She hesitated before placing a hand on top of hers. "Well, we have something in common there…"
He looked at their hands before up to her, questionable.
"I don't want Raph to ruin what I have with you."
He leaned his head back against the counter with a thud and he closed his eyes. "You deserve to be happy, Mare…You deserve that life with Raph, the security and the love…"
"I have that with you…Especially the security." She squeezed his hand. "I never felt as safe with anyone else, Marshall…With work and outside."
"That was the problem, Mare…You can't have that with me and have a marriage with Raph." He claimed. "I had to step back…For you….and that's why…"
"Why what?" She prompted.
"Why it was so easy to fall back in love with Tia." He admitted his eyes still screwed shut tightly. "I wanted that love and security too…I needed it."
Mary opened her mouth to say something in reply but there was rap on the front door, startling them both.
"I'll get it." She pushed herself up to her feet.
"I don't want to see…." He started.
"It's okay, I'll play bodyguard." She flashed him a small smile before making her way to the door.
She was thankfully that it was just Stan on the other side of the door.
"You found him then?"
"Took a while but yeah…" She said, leaning against the frame.
"And how is he?"
"Not good." She admitted.
"I need to talk to him…" Stan told her, noticing that she was blocking the entrance.
"Give him the day."
"Mary…"
"Just give him the day, Stan…" Mary asked. "He needs time to breathe…"
"Let him in."
She turned and saw her partner stood in the hallway. She stepped aside without another comment and closed the door once Stan was inside.
"Marshall…" Their boss started. "How you doing?"
Marshall shrugged, wordlessly.
"I guess that's a bit of a stupid question." Stan added. "I know it's probably the last thing you want to do right now but we need to talk."
"Fine…" He sighed and walked into the living, dropping onto the couch, allowing Stan and Mary to follow him.
Stan glanced at Mary once but saw she looked just as unsure about what to do as him. Neither of them had seen Marshall like this in the past.
Mary stayed standing, hovering between the doorway and the hall while Stan took a seat in the armchair at the side of the couch.
"I've moved some things around…" Stan started. "I want you to take the week off…"
He was surprised when his inspector didn't protest but instead nodded, a little.
"Look, Marshall you don't have to tell me anything…What you do in your private life is your choice but what Tia said…" He paused, wary of how to approach this subject with him.
"When she said, I said I'd rather be dead than alive?"
"Yeah…I need to know, did you really say that?"
"She asked if I was scared of death…I said no, because I had nothing to lose." He admitted, leaving out the last part; knowing more questions would be asked and he wasn't ready for that but he didn't fool his boss, Stan knew there was more to it but decided not to push him.
"Okay, well I want you to talk to someone…"
"Come on, Stan." Mary interrupted. "You can't be serious."
"Mary…"
"You're seriously suggesting that he's suicidal?" She glared at him.
"I didn't say that." Stan shook his head.
"Marshall, tell him…" Mary looked to her partner. "Tell him he's being crazy."
"Forget it, Mare…I don't care…"
"What do you mean, you don't care?"
He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face with his hands. "Nothing is going to change just because I speak to someone…it won't make a difference."
"But…"
"But nothing…It's fine."
"I'll set something up." Stan cut in before an argument broke out. "Would you rather someone other than Shelley Finkel?"
"I don't care."
Mary rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. This wasn't Marshall…Marshall cared…about everything.
"Like I said, I've cleared the week for you…You'll have a few days before an appointment." Stan stated. "Then we'll see how things go."
Marshall gave another nodded, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Stan had just stood up; ready to leave when the doorbell rang. He glanced at Mary, silently questioning who that might be but she just shrugged, her eyes moving to Marshall but he hadn't moved.
"Why don't we go out for breakfast?" Mary suggested, deciding to ignore the door. She couldn't think of one person that Marshall would want to see right now.
"I could go for some pancakes." Stan commented rocking back and forwards gently as the bell rang again.
"We can go to that diner you like…" Mary said to Marshall. "Stan will even pay."
Stan rolled his eyes but all Marshall did was stand up and walk towards the door when the bell rang again.
"Marshall, leave it…" Mary advised and as she predicted, when he pulled open the door, Tia was stood there. "He doesn't want to see you."
Tia glanced at her but then looked back to Marshall. "Please, can we talk?"
"Didn't you hear me? He doesn't want you here!" Mary stalked towards the door and was surprised when Marshall blocked her.
"Go and get your breakfast, Mare." He said quietly, his eyes still on Tia.
"Are you kidding? I'm not leaving you here with her."
"I'll be fine." He assured her. "Go."
"Marshall…"
"Please, Mare…" He finally looked at her. "Just give us 15 minutes…Bring me something back."
"Come on, Inspector…" Stan joined them. "You've never turned down a free breakfast before."
"Fine…but there is one condition." She replied. "That you promise me you'll be here when I get back…That you won't run away again."
Marshall nodded. "I'll be here."
"Let's go." Stan guided her out when she still was reluctant to leave.
Marshall waited until they were half way down the garden path before turning and walking back to the couch, leaving Tia to close the door and follow him.
"Thanks…" She started when she entered the room. "For seeing me…"
"I just want to know the truth." He told her. "You owe me that."
"I know I do." She sat beside him and tried to take his hand but he pulled away.
"Taylor is she really….is she…?"
Tia nodded. "She is your daughter…"
He closed his eyes. "I don't understand…How? How is this even possible?"
"I found out I was pregnant after you had left." She informed him. "I didn't even realize until I was six months ago."
Even though Tia had moved out five months before he left Michigan they still saw each other a lot. They still tried to make their marriage work but it just didn't.
"You knew where I was…I knew how to get hold of me."
"I was selfish…I know that." She admitted. "I knew couldn't do it…that I wasn't ready to raise another child and I knew if you knew about her, then you would come back."
"Of course I would have…"
"I always intended on telling you, Marshall…I just wanted some time to work out what I wanted and what I needed." She told him. "Joanne offered to take care of Taylor and I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time…and I promise you, Taylor has had a great life…Joanne is a brilliant Mom."
"Is that meant to make me feel better?" He asked. "Just because you didn't want her, didn't give you the right to decide for me."
"I know…It just got harder and harder to undo as Taylor got older." She claimed. "I didn't want to hurt her and didn't want to drag you back into a life you didn't want."
"That I didn't want?" He repeated. "You left me, Tia…You walked out on me...I was dying in that apartment alone with the memories."
"You had already given so much up for me…"
"No!" He cut in sharply. "I did it for me… I wanted it. I wanted you and I wanted Emily…nothing else mattered."
"I'm sorry." She said helplessly.
"Yeah…" He leaned back against the couch.
Tia brushed away a few tears, taking a deep shaky breath before continuing. "I spoke with Jo-Anne…She said Mom told Taylor everything before she died."
Marshall stayed quiet; he really didn't know what to say but knew he wanted to know what was going on.
"She had always asked about who her Dad was…We told her the truth, that you didn't know about her but if you did, you would have be there..."
"Did she know who you were?"
She shook her head. "As far as she was concerned, Jo was her mom and her dad was some guy she had a relationship with."
"Some guy…" He repeated, mumbling to himself. "I bet Jo would have done anything to keep her away from me."
"That's not true." She shook her head. "I know she hasn't been your biggest fan but she knew you were a good Dad…She knew you would have been there in a heartbeat."
"So, it was just you that didn't want me there…"
"It wasn't like that." She insisted. "I know, I'm not explaining this very well but it was never really about you…It was about me… and about us….I couldn't handle it."
He still didn't understand…He still couldn't get his head around her wanting to keep this from him. He could admit, that they had been rushing things the past week but he had never doubt their feelings for each other. They would always have a special connection and he thought nothing would ever be able to break that…but this just might.
"Mom told Taylor all about you…What a kind, great guy you are." Tia continued softly. "She told her stories about you…and they were all true, Marshall…Taylor wanted to meet you…To get to know you…She wants her Dad."
This time when she covered his hand with hers, he was too deep in thought to notice.
"I guess, Mom had kept track of you since you left Michigan and told Taylor were to find you…I had been a little surprise when she was hell bent on coming to Albuquerque but I never thought she had this plan…" She told him. "It was just a coincidence that we ran into you at the restaurant…She was going to email you…Tell you who she was."
"I don't know if I can do this…." He whispered. "I don't think I can be who she wants me to be."
"She doesn't want you to be anyone other than who you are." She replied. "I know I screwed up…You have every right to never want to speak to me again but I do know you…I know you wouldn't Taylor to suffer just because of me."
"Maybe you knew me a long time ago but I guess this proves we've both changed…" He stood up.
"Marshall…"
"Maybe it's best if you just go." He said before leaving the room.
XxXxX
Stan forced Mary to eat her breakfast with him at the diner, giving Marshall more than 15 minutes and when she returned, she was relieved to see Marshall's truck still in the driveway. She found him sat on the kitchen floor, again and sighed. She placed the takeaway coffee and Danishes she had brought back for him on the counter. Despite him asking for her bring him some breakfast, she knew it was just a ploy to get her out the house but hoped later he would eat something.
"Again with the floor." She commented, dropping to her knees beside him. "You know, you have some perfectly good chairs just a few steps away."
"Seemed like the best place to be… My head is spinning…It would hurt if I fell off a chair." He mumbled.
"How did it go?" She asked gently, noticing that there was now an open box beside him and looked like photographs were inside.
"She tried to explain…Still can't really understand."
"I don't blame you." Mary answered. "It's a lot to get your head around."
He nodded but said no more.
"What's with the box?" She asked.
He looked at her for a few seconds, debating with himself whether he should tell her. He knew she would probably be upset or angry that he kept such a secret from her and didn't know if he could deal with that right now.
"Come on, it can't be that bad." She said lightly and was glad to see him reaching into the box, picking one picture and looking at it briefly before handing it to her.
Mary smiled a little, seeing Marshall who must have been only a teenager in the picture, holding a baby and looking a little nervous. "Who's the kid?"
"That's my daughter…" He said softly. "A few hours after she was born."
Mary head turned quickly to look at him. "Your daughter? But I thought you said you had never met Taylor before?"
He took the photo back, running his thumb over the image. "It's not Taylor…Her name is Emily."
"Emily?" Mary's eyes widened in surprise.
"Tia and I had only been together for six months when she fell pregnant… Two months later, we decided to elope." He told her, still not looking up from the picture. "Our families were not happy…but we were…we found a small apartment and although we had to scrimp and save to get by but we were happy."
"What happened?" She asked, knowing there was no way the man next to her would knowingly abandon his child…not like she had been.
"Emily was three…Tia and I were both just about to finish college…I managed to get a good job which paid well…things were starting to work out then…" he stopped for a minute, taking a deep breath. "Then one day, I got a phone saying there had been accident…She was gone before I got to the hospital."
Mary felt her heart threaten to split in two and tears fill her eyes. "Oh god..."
"A drunk driver lost control and mounted the sidewalk…She didn't stand a chance."
When she saw he was struggling to hold it together, Mary shuffled along the floor, closer to her partner. She pulled his head down to her shoulder and putting an arm across his stomach, holding him closer to her.
"I don't know what to say…" She told him. "I'm sorry."
"I couldn't tell you…" He whispered. "I couldn't talk about her…It just too much."
"It's okay." She assured him.
"I don't know what to do, Mare." She felt him lean a little more heavily on her. "Tia couldn't face being a mom again after Emily and although I know I should hate her for keeping this from me, maybe she was right….maybe it was for the best."
"I know you don't believe that." She replied. "I can't say I have any idea what you're feeling or what you've been through but I bet your little girl would want you to be happy…"
She frowned in surprise when he pulled away from her. "What?"
"Why do people always say that?" He asked. "Why do they assume that Emily would want me to carry on living?"
"Because she loved you." Mary reasoned.
"She was three years old, Mare! She rarely spent a few hours away from us…She was scared of the dark!" He told her before continuing more quietly. "She was scared of the dark and we had to put her into the ground…"
"Marshall, don't…" Mary choked back a sob of her own.
"She was three years old…I was her Dad…I'm meant to be there for her…to protect her…to hold when she's scared…"
"You can't think like that." She placed a hand on his cheek, turning his face so he was looking at him. "Please, tell me that you haven't been looking for a way out?"
He felt a wave of guilt and wanted to look away but couldn't.
"Tell me!" She said firmly. "Marshall!"
"Remember in the gas station…When I told you to leave?" He questioned. "I had given up…Had enough…I found my way out…found a way to get back to my heart…"
"No." She shook her head, not wanting to believe it. Never in a million years would she have believed that Marshall had those kinds of feelings.
"But I didn't…You told me not to die…and I didn't…I tried…For you." More tears appeared and this time he didn't try to stop them. "What kind of father does that make me?"
"Marshall…" She pulled him to her again, pretty much crawling onto his lap so she could get as close to him as possible. She wanted to thank him…wanted to tell him that she was gratefully that he had chosen her but it would just make her sound selfish. "I don't know the right words to say so just know I'm here…for whatever you need…I'm here."
He held onto her tightly and cried, almost silently. He had kept Emily in the deepest part of his heart but now he couldn't hide it anymore.
TBC
So, a long, heavy and hopefully, an emotional chapter. I hope I managed to pull it off. Please review!
