AN: Hi! Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter. I'm sorry this took so long - I don't really have any excuses other than life being busy and this not being a top priority. Find me on tumblr buildyourownarchitecture if you want to talk fic!

Trigger warning for suicidal ideation and self-harm talk.


The flash of blonde caused an immediate dilemma to overtake Callie's brain. Her heart constricted and her stomach erupted in dinosaur-sized butterflies. Callie had spent the entire rest of Saturday and all day Sunday trying to convince herself everything going on with Arizona wasn't her fault, that she was making the right decision pulling away before the two (and Mila) grew even more emotionally attached. Arizona had pleaded with her not to blame herself and Callie knew, on an intellectual level, that Arizona's depression and suicidal thoughts weren't her fault. They weren't anyone's fault, but that didn't stop Callie's heart from screaming at her that she never should have gotten involved with Arizona. Pulling the bubbly and bright blonde into her mess was a mistake and despite their entire relationship proving that idea wrong, Callie couldn't stop the nagging blame and guilt and horror.

Sighing, she clenched the Starbucks cup in her left hand a little tighter and moved toward Arizona's locker. Her ex hadn't shown up for school Monday or Tuesday, which was so not Arizona, especially when her soccer championship game was next week. Callie, and her wallet, were thankful that Arizona was at school today. She had been buying and throwing away a green tea latte everyday. She would continue to do so every single day for the rest of her life if it meant Arizona was okay, but Mila, her future apartment's rent and utilities, and her debit card definitely appreciated being able to finally give the blonde her drink and check in with her.

Taking a deep breath, Callie walked the last few steps down the hallway and softly cleared her throat. An exhausted, raccoon eyed Arizona glanced up at Callie.

"Morning," Callie murmured, handing over the coffee cup she was trying not to clutch to smithereens with her hand. "Thought you might need this," she added when Arizona raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you."

"Mhm. " The pair stared at each other, Callie fighting her protective instincts and Arizona at a pretty big loss for what to say or do.

"How are-" "How's M-"

Laughing, Callie motioned for Arizona to speak first and tried not to frown when Arizona's affect remained flat.

"I was going to ask how Mila is…"

"She's good. Picking up words like she's a human dictionary, I swear. There's a new toddler in her daycare room and they've really hit it off. I think I'm going to try and set up some play dates." Callie held her breath through the awkward silence. "Maybe you can take her on one?"

"Maybe that's something you should do, Calliope."

"Oh." Trying not to sound dejected, Callie faked a smile. "Well my offer of Mila time still stands. I trust you."

Arizona nodded once, looking everywhere but at Callie. "I'll see you in class. Thank you for the coffee."

As the blonde walked down the hallway, Callie couldn't help but feel like whatever the hell was feeling so off about this entire situation was going to hang around for the long run.


"What do you mean she said no to spending time with Mi?"

Shrugging, Callie nudged Teddy's arm off the textbook lying on the desk in front of them. They were supposed to be practicing their calculus questions and their teacher kept making 'the limit does not exist' jokes, but Callie was pretty positive she had reached her limit in the hallway earlier that morning. "Scoot. I don't want to fail out before I even get to college."

"Someone may condone that."

"Shut up, Teddy. She would not."

"You're right. She'd sacrifice about a million things plus her own life for your happiness and success."

The way Callie slammed the textbook closed frightened not only Teddy but also the rest of the class.

"Everything okay back there, Miss. Torres?"

Callie waved their teacher off with a quick apology and glared at her partner. "Can you not make jokes about Arizona's life right now?"

"Huh?"

"I know that's not what you meant, but under the circumstances I'm really not-"

"What circumstances?"

Finally looking up from where she was aggressively drawing circles onto her paper with her pen, Callie froze. "Um. Nothing. I'm just a little agitated. Mila kept me up all night and I miss Arizona and ya know."

"Um no. Not nothing."

"Seriously, everything is fine. I'm sorry for snapping."

"Callie Torres."

"Teddy, I sw-"

"Don't promise me something that isn't true."

"Look, it's not my place to tell you about this. She's okay. She just…" Before Callie could finish her sentence, Teddy was up, out of her seat, and standing in front of their math teacher asking for a hall pass. "Shit, shit, shit," she mumbled, immediately asking for her own hall pass after Teddy and pawning it off on her period. Tapping her foot impatiently, Callie internally groaned at how slowly Ms. Leitner was writing out her pass. By the time she made it out of the classroom, Teddy was long gone. "Fuck."

Five minutes later, Callie found Arizona and Teddy hidden in the stairwell closest to Arizona's history classroom.

"I'm sorry! It just slipped."

Teddy was crying, Arizona was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, and the tension was palpable.

"How does something like that just slip!" Arizona yelped, showing more emotion than Callie had seen from her all day. "Jesus, Callie, do you really think that's how I wanted Teddy to find out she's on my fucking safety plan!"

Trying her hardest to remain calm and ignore the desperation behind Arizona's words, Callie reminded herself that her ex-girlfriend had not had an easy last few weeks and had, up until this past weekend, been doing a damn good job at holding it all inside. She could manage some anger.

"I'm so sorry."

"Zo," Teddy interrupted, pulling the blonde into a hug and forcing her crossed arms away, "she really didn't mean to. I made a stupid joke, she reacted, and I didn't let it go."

Sighing and blowing hair out of her face in frustration, Arizona jammed her fingernails into the palm of her hand, internally cringing at the half moon shaped indents already beginning to sting. "It's fine," she relented, sliding down the wall and pulling her knees up to her chest. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."

Callie and Teddy shared a hesitant look.

"You know what?"

Callie's voice startled Arizona out of her fine mantra and the blonde gently knocked her head against the concrete wall behind her, giving Callie a questioning look.

"I could seriously go for a sundae right now. I know I just told Ms. Leitner I'm on my period to get out of class, but maybe it's coming because I swear this craving just hit me like an open handed slap. You guys up for ditching school? I'll let you pick the toppings, Zo."

The smallest of smiles crossed Arizona's face and she glanced at Teddy for confirmation.

"Why the fuck does she get to pick the toppings?"

Arizona slapped away Teddy's offered hand and got up from the floor herself. "Shut up, T."


"Arizona, sunshine!" Barbara Robbins called later that evening, when she heard Arizona come into the house and begin tumbling up the stairs. When her call went ignored, she followed the high schooler up the back staircase and into her room, slamming a gentle hand against the light blue door right before it shut completely. "Sunshine."

Barbara heard the groan before she got the door fully open again. She watched as Arizona threw her backpack onto her desk chair and began changing out of her clothes. Taking a seat on her teen's bed, she waited patiently.

Ten minutes later and Arizona had successfully done just about everything she could think of to successfully avoid her mom. Dressed in pajamas, teeth brushed, face washed, and hair now pulled back into a braid, she emerged from her bathroom and sat on the opposite side of her bed, curling her legs into a pretzel and leaning against her paint splattered headboard.

"What?" she snapped, eyes narrowing.

Sighing, Barbara crawled up and rested against the headboard next to her daughter. All tough faces and mean words the past few days didn't fool her. She watched as Arizona wrung her fingers together, thumbs slipping past the ring Callie had gotten for her during some arts fair downtown a few months ago. Raising an eyebrow, she realized she hadn't seen Arizona take the winding ring off since they broke up.

"Sweetheart…want to try and explain why I got phone calls from your teachers and coach today wondering if we knew when you were coming back to school, as you'd missed half this week already? They sounded worried, especially Mr. Jackson who claimed you ran out of class in a frenzy and never came back."

"Oh my god." Arizona, hands now rubbing viciously at her face, slouched down and bit her lip hard enough to draw blood.

"You aren't in trouble."

"What?" Snapping back up, she cocked an eyebrow at her mom and let some of the fierce anger fall from her features. "I ditched school."

"Callie called me when you girls were at the restaurant. Said you would probably do some more things and she'd get you home by 8. Not to worry, that she'd keep you safe."

"I do not need Calliope to keep me safe! I think I can freaking manage."

"Arizona..."

"No, mom!" Arizona stood up from the bed, anger overtaking her face again, fists balled up against her sides. "I wish everyone would stop treating me like I'm broken! In case you aren't aware, I haven't actually slit my wrists yet!"

"Arizona!"

"What, can you not handle the truth, mom? Stop walking on eggshells! Punish me for skipping classes and practice. You would any other day."

"You aren't necessarily going through so much any other day. I think a little flexibility is allowed here."

"Damnit!" Flopping back down on the bed, much closer to her mother this time, Arizona let her head fall into Barbara's shoulder, sniffling violently in an attempt to not start crying, again, for the millionth gazillionth time. "I'm sorry."

"Sh," Barbara comforted, pulling Arizona into her side and letting her drop her head into her lap as she gently combed her fingers through her braid's tail. "None of us really know what we are doing with all of this, sunshine. It's going to kind of be a play by ear sort of thing, but I am going to need you to stop pretending you're full of only anger and aggression because unless you kidnapped and cloned my daughter, you don't pull those things off too well. You're allowed to be sad, sweetheart. You're allowed to hate and love Callie at the same time and you're allowed to not know how to resolve those conflicting feelings."

Arizona rolled on her back and locked eyes with her mom. "How did you know that?" she asked, incredulous.

Swiping a finger down her daughter's nose, Barbara chuckled. "You've been sharing my top priority spot with your brother for seventeen years, sunshine. I'd like to think I know you just a little bit by now. You're only a teenager, Arizona, and a lot has been thrown at you these past few months. You've had to do a lot of growing up and quickly."

"Not you too."

"I didn't say you weren't ready. I know how much you love Mila and Callie and I don't agree with Callie's choices all the time. Funny thing is, I don't have to. You're my daughter and my job is to love and protect you, make sure you know you're important and wonderful, step-mom or not. Will your father and I miss them? Of course we will. Mila became our granddaughter as much as Callie became our daughter and you became part of their family. However, you, darling, are my forever and no breakups, children, or suicidality is going to take that away or change any of that."

Not knowing exactly how to respond to her mom, but feeling a strong desire to show her just how much she appreciated what she said, Arizona curled further into her. "Love you," she murmured, fingers beginning to draw invisible flowers into her mom's knee.

"Love you, sunshine."


"Morning."

Smiling in relief at seeing Arizona again, Callie hastily threw her belongings onto her desk and turned to face the blonde. "Hi. How are you?"

"I'm frustrated with how much people are asking me how I am." At Callie's raised eyebrow, Arizona continued, "yeah, I get it. I said I think about killing myself and all of a sudden people need to check in on me every hour. For the record, I'm going to go to my parents, therapist, or Teddy if I'm not okay or if things get worse."

Running stressed hands through her hair and pulling it into a quick ponytail, Callie tried to remain calm. "People are allowed to worry about you. Stop blowing this off like it's no big deal or that suicide isn't a serious thing. You –"

"Newsflash, Callie, but you broke up with me. You don't get to care like this. This," Arizona explained, motioning between the two, eyes flaring, "makes me feel guilty, like, like, god forbid I be upset and angry with you for essentially dumping me with no solid or valid reasoning, ripping away Mila, and then calling me in an emergency and bringing me morning coffee. You're confusing. And that hurts me. Is me feeling suicidal your fault? Absolutely not. But you don't get to care, not like this, Callie. It's not fair."

Arizona stood up, grabbed her notebook, planner, and pen, and began shuffling toward the door, where their homeroom teacher was finishing morning hall duty. In a last minute effort to fix whatever just transpired, Callie stood and called out. When Arizona stopped walking, back stiff, the brunette sighed. "Just because we aren't dating doesn't mean I can just give up caring about you. That isn't fair either."

Half turning and glancing at her ex, Arizona stood a little straighter, trying her hardest to ignore the stares from their classmates. "Are you going to date me again? Apologize for breaking my heart and take it all back?"

Tension hung in the air and hushed whispers spread throughout the room. Finally, Callie slowly began shaking her head no. Before she could verbally respond, Arizona turned back around and continued heading toward their teacher, mumbling a, "then this isn't healthy for me."

Slumping back into her seat, Callie watched Arizona ask for a new homeroom seat.


"You've got to stop making Callie feel guilty for you wanting to hurt yourself."

Throwing her head back, Arizona shrieked. "Jesus, mother! Can I take more than two steps into my own home without you throwing Calliope in my face? Just last night you were on my side!" Angrily tossing her backpack into the corner by the wall, the blonde crossed her arms and stared her parents down.

"Sunshine, we are always on your side. Being on your side doesn't mean not teaching you what is right and wrong though. You're our child."

Laughing sarcastically, Arizona clenched her jaw in an attempt to control her anger. "I am not making her feel guilty for any of this! We had a fight in homeroom because she is still acting like we are dating and I can't do that anymore! I'm lucky I can get through a class without thinking about how worthless my life is and I certainly do not need Calliope Torres making that worse by shoving how much she still cares about me down my throat."

Daniel sighed. "Arizona, honey, maybe the best solution to all of this is to really sit down and talk to Callie, explain everything a little better."

"I don't owe anyone an explanation!"

The scream startled both her parents.

"Especially not her! She sure as fuck didn't give me one!"

"Arizona Robbins!" Barbara admonished, flustered by the language coming out of her daughter's mouth.

"Oh, screw both of you! How the hell did you even find out about what happened today? Did my ex-girlfriend call you or did you send her a text checking up on me? None of you are helping me! I just want you all to leave me the fuck alone!"

"We understand you are upset, but you know using that language toward us is unacceptable and…" Daniel trailed off when Arizona rolled her eyes and walked right back out the door she had just come in from.


Arizona Robbins

dont you dare tell my parents where i am.

calliope

excuse me? what?

Arizona Robbins

promise me you arent going to tattle on me.

calliope

seriously what the hell are you talking about?

Arizona Robbins

im not telling you anything until you promise me.

calliope

fine, I promise. as long as you're safe.

Arizona Robbins

you better keep that promise.

let me in.

"Wait, what?" Callie mumbled out loud, slipping Mila into her playpen and rushing down the stairs. "What are you doing?" she immediately asked after opening the door to reveal a teary eyed Arizona clutching her car keys and cell phone.

By the time she got the question out, Arizona was in her arms, clutching onto the back of her shirt and trembling, shaky, hot breaths puffing against her neck.

"Okay, okay. Come on. Mi's upstairs. Let's go to my room."

Ten minutes later, Arizona was wrapped in Callie's sweatpants and hooded sweatshirt, tucked in under the covers, face wiped clean of tracked mascara and eyeliner, hair brushed and pulled back into a loose braid. Mila was tucked into her side, eyelids fluttering sleepily, but happily, and Callie was cross-legged on the left side of the bed, far enough away that she wasn't touching Arizona, but close enough to keep steady eye contact.

"This was a stupid idea," the blonde mumbled, slipping a kiss onto Mila's forehead and tilting her head further into the pillow under her. "But I'm exhausted and you smell so good and Mila's here and I didn't have anywhere else to go."

Choosing to ignore the word vomit from her exhausted, emotionally drained ex, Callie stood from the bed to remove her own makeup. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to fight with you."

"I'm sorry, too. I was being kind of mean. That's one of the downfalls of feeling so on edge and in tune with all my negative feelings…sometimes, I lash out."

Wiping away the last of her eyeliner, Callie shrugged off her sweater and slippers, leaving her in leggings and a loose t-shirt. "You shouldn't apologize for what you said, Zo. You're right. I am being really unfair and you shouldn't have to reassure me that you are okay everyday. I sorta lost that privilege."

"True. Although, I'm a huge hypocrite. Mila is asleep, by the way. Should we move her before we continue this?"

Leaning over Arizona (Arizona having to slam her eyes shut when Callie's cleavage ended up right in her line of vision), Callie effortlessly slid a hand under Mila, picking her up, and turning to place her in her crib. Running a quick hand down her daughter's back, Callie kissed her goodnight, and crawled into bed with Arizona, remembering to keep her distance.

"Why are you a hypocrite?" she asked after getting comfortable. "I'm also ignoring that it's kind of early for bed so let's just go with it."

Arizona chuckled lightly. "Mila's going to be up at the crack ass of dawn because of this. You realize that, right?"

"Yeah, well, you can get her when she wakes up."

"You're nuts," Arizona teased, turning onto her side. "I will gladly get her. Kind of my fault, anyway."

"Definitely your fault," Callie agreed sarcastically, rolling her eyes and motioning for Arizona to answer her original question.

"Because. I can't get you out of my head or heart so how can I expect you to stop caring when I care so much?"

"Oh."

"It's not just Mila who I want to stay involved with, Calliope. This is up to you, but I'd like to stay friends, if you'll let us. I know I'm a basket case lately and I have been taking a lot out on you, but I'll try to be better. No begging you to get back together, no flirting with you or coming on to you, no yelling at you about caring about me. Just friends. The thought of losing you completely is just too hard."

"I'd be honored to be your friend, Arizona, but everything you just said is ridiculous. You're going through a lot and that means you're allowed to feel angry, sad, and upset. You are taking things out on me appropriately. I just broke your heart."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" Callie argued, sitting up and waving her hands toward the door. "If I recall correctly, you walked out of that exact door after I broke up with you."

"No, that's your fault," Arizona corrected, smiling softly at Callie's surprised look. "I meant everything else, like, ya know, the other stuff."

"You mean the wanting to kill yourself stuff?" Callie asked, bluntly, sick of beating around the bush and doing her best to stop walking on eggshells around Arizona, like the blonde had both directly and indirectly begged for.

Cringing, Arizona nodded. "I was trying not to bring it up."

"Well you should. You should feel open to talking about it, not ashamed, especially with me and regardless of what stupid things I say or do that hurt you. When we don't talk about it, I sometimes question whether it is my fault."

Arizona sat up so quickly, Callie thought she was going to get whiplash. "It isn't. Your fault, that is. It's not. I promise, Calliope, more so than I've ever promised something ever." Taking the older girl's hands into her own, Arizona squeezed. "What can I do to help you understand and believe that?"

Squeezing back, Callie shook her head. "Nothing. I do believe you and I think I understand. It's just hard."

"I know. It's really hard."

"Yeah…"

"So," Arizona muttered, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure of what to do next.

"So I think I owe you an explanation for why I broke up with you, but first I need you to call your parents and let them know you're okay and will be home after school tomorrow."

"You promised!" Arizona argued, ripping her hands away.

"Yeah, I promised that I wouldn't tell them, but I said nothing about you."

"That's mean."

Reaching over to grab Arizona's phone off the nightstand, Callie handed it over. "Would you be frantic if a week after Mila told you she was thinking of killing herself with a knife from the kitchen, she ran off and refused to respond to your calls or texts?"

"Okay, alright, you have a point. After I get off the phone with them, I expect a full out explanation with plenty of time for Q&A though."

Grinning, Callie laid back down, dramatically motioning toward Arizona's cell phone and waiting patiently, despite her heart rate rattling against her chest with nerves.