Wow, it's been a while for this one. Most of this story is based on personal experience, either mine, or that of friends and family. That last chapter was two of my most memorable hostel experiences (I left out the creepy roommates, the cockroaches, oh and the mice). It's not much fun leaping across wobbly beds because you don't have a ladder then getting dumped from the top bunk (Alice Springs, Australia), nor is cleaning the toilet with a sponge (Olympic Nat'l Park, Washington, USA). BTW if you're ever in Surfer's Paradise, I uh, recommend camping or a motel. I do hope that somewhere along the course of the story you all recognize something similar to a travel story of your own. My best travel memories are the ones of things that went wrong.
Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or the Battle Shell. They are the genius creations of Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman and are owned by people who are not me. I'm just borrowing them. I make no money from this and mean no harm. Please don't sue.
Chapter 7 – Where are we?
"Where are we?" Raph asked Mikey as he woke up from his short nap.
"Uh, here." Mike responded. He'd been driving around this city for twenty minutes and really had no idea beyond that where they were.
"That much I can see."
"Yeah, me too." Mike admitted.
"You don't have a clue where we are, do you." Raph growled.
Mikey shrugged. Raph was certainly right about that. Michelangelo had absolutely no idea where they were. He made a right turn at a stop light onto a road that didn't look familiar but seemed worth a shot and it looked like it was going the direction he wanted to go.
"I'm trying to get back to the freeway." Mikey explained. "I think it's over that way somewhere." He waved in the general direction of in front and to the right. "I just can't find it."
"You're kidding, right?" Raph demanded of his directionally challenged brother. "You got lost getting back to the freeway?"
"Hey, it's harder than it looks! You think you can find it, be my guest!"
"I think I will, pull over."
Mikey obeyed and pulled into the next parking lot where he switched places with Raphael. "You don't know where we are any more than I do, sleepyhead." Mikey reminded his angry brother.
"I'm not the one who got us lost."
"We're not lost!" Mikey insisted. "We're misplaced!"
"We don't know where we are, that makes us lost!"
Leonardo and Donatello had woken up when the vehicle had been pulled over, but had sat quietly in the back up to this point.
"What do you mean 'we're lost'?" Leo asked.
"Just what I said, Leo." Raph snapped. "Shellforbrains here couldn't find the freeway."
Mikey crossed his arms across his plastron, but didn't respond.
Leo shook his head, more at the argument than at being lost. He'd realized a few days ago that things could definitely be worse and to just let what happened happen. As impossible as it sounded, Leonardo was taking a 'let it be' approach to this trip.
"Need a navigator Raph?" Don asked.
"I can do it!" Mikey insisted.
"You already got us lost once!" Raph snapped.
Leo sighed again and watched as Donatello pulled a map of the city out of a storage area. "Where did you get that?"
"This?" Don asked, holding up the map. "They were in a newspaper dispenser at the last gas station." He handed the map to Mikey in the passenger seat.
"So, uh, where are we?" Mike asked as he looked down at the map.
"We don't know," Raph reminded his brother. "because SOMEONE got us lost."
Mikey glared at Raph again, but started looking at the map for something familiar. There was a big river running through the center of the city, but Mikey didn't even know which side of the river they were on, much less which side they wanted to be on. Raphael drove across a simple, concrete bridge and Mike found himself even more confused as to which side of the river was preferable. He sighed and handed the map back to Donnie in the back.
"Mikey, in case you haven't noticed, there aren't a whole lot of windows back here for me to see where we are and where we're going." Don stated flatly.
"Well, I'll tell you then." Mikey suggested.
Don sighed and shook his head, but allowed for Mikey's little experiment in navigation. "Ok, what street are we on?"
"We don't know." Raph insisted.
"Well, look at the signs."
"Right, there's a BIG book store." Mikey suggested.
"Fascinating," Donnie deadpanned, "and under different circumstances I wouldn't mind stopping, but that isn't exactly helpful. Try the street signs."
"Oki-dokie" Mike chimed brightly.
Raphael drove across another bridge to the other side of the river. This time the bridge had several levels of traffic and large trusses that reached high above them.
"Raph, it might be helpful to stay on one side of the river." Leo suggested.
"Well, this is where the road took us." The red-masked turtle snapped back. His nerves had worn thin earlier in the day and he didn't particularly want to be lost right now.
"9th!" Mikey cried out. Immediately Don started looking for the street they were traveling on.
"How about a cross street?" Don asked, attempting to further narrow down their position. Raph turned right on Burnside and the road curved around heading to the river again. Another simple concrete bridge, and the group returned to the original side of the river.
"Here's Maple." Mike said as they passed through an intersection.
Don quickly found where they were on the map and spun the paper around until they were facing the right direction. "Ok, found it. We're going the wrong way, find a place to turn right."
Raphael nodded and started looking for a place to make the turn. He drove through an intersection for a one way street going the wrong direction and growled. He wanted out of here. The next street was blocked off and he continued in his direction of travel. The next street was one way in the wrong direction again.
"Raph? Are you going to turn somewhere?" Leo asked carefully.
"When it's legal, or would you rather I got pulled over. We could have a nice little high-speed road chase. Getting captured by humans would be a great way to end the day."
"Sorry. Sorry." Leo held up his hands in concession, dropping the argument.
The next road had a no right turn sign even though drivers already on the street could go the direction Raph wanted to. He sighed as he passed through yet another intersection. "How do you get off the stupid street!" He shouted. Finally, he found a road going their direction and turned right on 14th.
"What now?" Mikey asked.
"Look for Oak Park and turn left, that should take us back to the freeway." Don replied.
After a couple minutes Mike pointed at a street ahead and Raph made a left on Oak. A curve in the road that wasn't on the map had Don slightly confused. The road took them back across the river. This time the bridge was quite grandiose. Large steel cables reached skyward. The continued on their way.
"Did we just cross another bridge?" Don asked.
"Yeah." Raph replied.
According to the map, there were no bridges on Oak Park. "Are you sure you turned on Oak Park?" Don asked.
"Yup, Oak Parkway." Mike responded.
Don looked down at the map and noticed the street. Oak Parkway was two blocks past where they had wanted to turn on Oak Park Avenue. "Guys, we wanted Oak Park Avenue, not Oak Parkway."
"Who NAMED these streets?" Raphael cried out. "This is ridiculous."
As much as Don didn't want to be the cause of a Raphael explosion, he had more bad news. "We're on the wrong side of the river too." He added softly.
Raph turned around in his seat and glared at his brother with the map. Don just shrugged.
"Watch the road, Raph!" Leo screamed, and Raphael whipped back around just in time to slam on the brakes and avoid rear-ending a Porsche. That would have been an interesting one to try and explain. Probably would have made the papers too. "Four Little Green Men Hit Porsche" They didn't really need that sort of publicity, or publicity of any kind, really.
"Raph, turn left on 12th." Don said after a moment. "And left again on Oak Park this time."
"Aye aye, Map Man." Raph shot back sarcastically.
Don and Leo shook their heads at the comment while Mike grinned.
"Road's got three lanes." Raphael told his brother's unnecessarily.
"Uh, It will probably be to the right, but I can't be sure. Stay in the middle for now and watch the signs."
Mike turned around and saluted. Don glared.
"Right!" Mikey shouted when he saw the Freeway sign pointing East. Raph checked his mirrors and made the lane change. Moments later, they were back on the open road.
"Hey Donnie," Mikey asked as he turned around. "Is there a bridge in that city that we didn't cross?"
Don looked at his brother questioningly before pulling the map back out and checking. "No. We took the, uh, scenic route."
