Med Barn – Early Afternoon - The Beginning of Healing - Numa

Numa sat quietly and Saria remembered how still Boil had been when he'd come to see her. Numa was tall and lean; she'd be a beautiful woman. Already she possessed that indefinable quality of grace.

"I'm glad you no longer insult Jester." Numa's voice was quiet.

"I'm glad you had Boil tell me. I didn't realize I was insulting Jester." Saria smiled. "Since then, I've made sure to call every man by their name."

"You seem very good at recognizing them, even the ones without marks. They are surprised at that. You must observe keenly." Numa tilted her head as she observed Saria.

"Before I became a nurse, I was a kinesiologist and studied humanoid movement." She smiled at the younger girl. "They all move and walk differently. Sometimes, it's all I can do to refrain from asking a man to take off his shirt so I can understand why he moved his arm a certain way. Is it a wound? Morning stiffness from cold ground? Old scar tissue? Too much chase and tackle the day before?"

"Ask them, they would be pleased. Not just that a woman would like to see them without a shirt, but because they usually enjoy talking about the wounds, how brave they are. They would be in swoons to have you poke and prod them." Numa considered. "Not Chopper though, he has too many scars. Nor Shy or Jesse."

Numa glanced down, considered and then smiled at Saria. "You would have trouble making them keep on their pants as they gathered to show you whose scar was bigger."

Saria laughed and Numa smiled behind her hand, all the lines of her face curved up in enjoyment. They had taken each other's measure and were surprised to find they liked each other.

"Boil told me you wished to see me because you were kidnapped by slavers?" Saria asked.

Numa shook her head. "I was sold to them by my uncle, my legal guardian. It is one reason, a large reason, why we are no longer on Ryloth."

"Will you tell me about it?" asked Saria.

Numa nodded. "It is not precisely legal or precisely illegal to sell one's younglings. Twi'lek dancers, usually girls, are a sought after commodity on many planets and even on Ryloth itself. The war has made people desperate and poor. It was not unexpected that my uncle should sell me instead of his daughter." Numa's face hardened in anger. "It was not right to sell me without given Waxer first right of purchase, it was not right to sell me without a week's preparation, it was not right to sell me to slavers who would take me to unknown places so I would never see my nerra again."

Numa paused for a moment. "But I was lucky."

"You were rescued."

Numa shook her head and her face paled slightly. "No," she said, her voice a shadow of its normal vibrancy.

"What do you mean then"?" Saria's voice was soft.

"They raped… another girl. She'd been sold at the same time as me. Later, when the sellers and relatives were gone, one of them, a Weequay, chose her. He raped her in front of us. To scare us, I think." Numa was silent for a moment. "He did scare me. He spent a long time trying to choose between me and her. Touching us, measuring us in some way. He chose her and he raped her and took her away. When they rescued us, she was still screaming." Numa wiped her tears with her palm. "She was still screaming when we went into hyperspace. Saoha went into the med unit and held her. That finally made her quiet."

Saria was crying also. Her hands were on her lips.

"I cannot talk to anyone who would speak of this to Nerra Waxer. When he rescued us, he was afraid that I had been raped by the pirates. He was very scared, asking me questions. He asked what they had done to me. He did not think to ask what I had seen them do to another girl."

"What would he do?" Saria asked. "To know this."

"He would blame himself and he would hurt. He would be angry and he would lash out; possibly at Rex and Echo and Fives because they were part of the rescue. In time he would realize that there was nothing he could have done. That he had done everything he could. But his relations with Boil would suffer. His relations with me would suffer and that would torment him even more. Perhaps he would no longer be friends with Rex." Numa bit her lip. "I think that Echo would forgive his anger and Fives certainly would. So I will not let him know. You will not tell him." Numa looked hard at Saria.

"You have confidentiality, Numa." Saria reassured her. "No one will hear of this."

Numa nodded her head. "Good."

"Boil said that Waxer is worried you wish to marry them."

"Waxer has always been perceptive." Numa smiled softly.

Saria frowned. "Then you do wish to marry your fathers?"

"They are not fathers," Numa corrected. "They are nerra. That is an important distinction for Ryloth law. There are no prohibitions to marry one's nerra on Ryloth. Even if they were my fathers, there is no biological reason I cannot marry them, no reason I cannot have children for them."

"That would be considered. . ." Saria began

"I am Twi'lek. I was sold to pirates as a slave; to dance for onlookers. Do you think the pirates would have made sure I was not sold to someone who preferred the flesh of a youngling?" Numa's voice was angry. "Waxer and Boil, and their brothers, have been the only ones who have not sought to use me since the death of my parents. For me, they would give their lives. For them, I would do the same." Her voice softened. "They love me and it is the love of men for a child. But I love them and that is moving from the love of a child to the love of a woman. They have taken care of me for eight years and plan to take care of me until they die. Certainly, I can love them and take care of them as well. It will be easier to do so as their wife. When I am 16 I will become an adult by Ryloth law and I will ask them to marry me. I will give them reasons for their logical minds and I will give them hugs and kisses for their emotions."

Saria nodded. "You've had this planned for a long time."

Numa nodded.

"Then why come to me? Certainly not for my approval. I've very rarely met an adult as self-sufficient and whole as you."

"Because, since I saw the pirate rape that girl, I have become scared of my nerra. Scare of what their," she stumbled over the word, "penises may do to me." She moved her hands in a pleading gesture to Saria. "I have seen my nerra and their brothers naked. I have seen them with other people having sexual pleasure. That did not scare me. But, since I saw the pirate rape that girl, that is all I can see. Him using himself like a dagger, to cut into the girl; to make her bleed not only her body, but in her soul as well. He cut out the pleasure from her for all time. Nerra Waxer killed that Weequay, one shot to the head and he was dead. But in my mind, he lives and he laughs at me, because I can no longer anticipate my nerra with loving joy. That is what I fear, Saria. That I will come to my wedding bed in fear while a dead slaver pirate laughs at me."

Numa's body shook, she shivered as tears started falling. Saria moved to her side. It wasn't what profession demanded. She put her arms around the girl softly. This was demanded by friendship. Numa curved into that warmth, her sobs muffled by her face in Saria's shoulder. Saria just held her, knowing she wept for so many things that she hadn't been able to weep before. This was demanded by the bonds of family.


Scenes from the Second Week in Saleucami - Before Dinner - Chopper

Saoha smiled at the scarred man. His name was Chopper and he would occasionally smile at her in passing; though more often he dropped his head to hide the scarred side of his face. She knew that was an old habit, deeply ingrained. Sometimes his emotions were so clear she could almost hear the words echoing through time: 'Drop your ugly face, trooper'. She often wondered whose voice that was, so angry and hateful. But when Chopper had that thought, he remembered he was trying to develop new inclinations and would look into her face with a smile. It would only take a moment for his smile to go from remembered duty to real; from a re-ordering of his habit to genuine pleasure.

He liked her beauty, she liked his mind. They hadn't had much conversation being busy settling in. She'd like to rectify that now, wanting to get to know everyone here. Curiously, he had asked Sula for all three women to clear his psyc. For an explanation he had said, "I know I've been mental. I want to be sure I'm sane."

Chopper was sitting under one of the trees now instead of in it. His shirt, for once, was off, exposing the scars on his chest and back. Chopper grimaced, holding his fist tight so he wouldn't grab the shirt and quickly pull it on. Saria had seen them in the pool, Ahsoka long ago in the Resolute med unit. He was sure he had no secrets from the Zeltron women. Neither Suu nor Aureki gave him any attention different from his brothers and he knew their hearts were taken and they would never see him, much less his scars. Numa, Shaeeah and Jek he had worried about, they often played tag. So he had kept his shirt on so they wouldn't see his scars.

Shaeeah had asked why he kept his shirt on. He explained. She nodded. "Well, I'm sure Jek has seen them in the pool and forest spirit Numa has seen them so it's only me and I'd much rather you be comfortable."

He said no and she had kicked her foot into the dirt. "Fine, then I will sneak after you. I will go down to the thermal pool and wait for you. Or I will sneak onto your camp before you all wake and I will see you. Or I will follow you when you go to wash your clothes. Then I will tell you I have seen you and you can remove your shirt and be comfortable." So he had sighed and removed his shirt, waiting for her grimace. She had made a face, but it hadn't been disgust, merely sympathy. Then she had given him a quick hug and run off to the game.

Saoha saw him sitting under one of the trees. His shirt, for once, was off, exposing the scars on his body, on his chest. This was the first time she had seen that. Always, he kept his clothes on, even in the heat of day playing the fast-paced game. Even now she sensed a feeling of self-consciousness from him; an embarrassment that had been inculcated in him for a long time. An embarrassment that had been mocked in prison. An embarrassment that was only now fading and much of that, she could feel, was from Saria's acceptance of him in the thermal pool the other day.

Saoha chuckled. Saria had blushed when Sula had asked how the evening had gone with Chopper. Her reply of 'Very nice' came nowhere near explaining the deepness of that blush, nowhere near explaining why her body relaxed and her heart beat faster. She had seen the knowing looks of the Zeltron women and laughed with them as they started laughed. 'Steamy,' she had revised with a soft giggle.

Chopper had been tagged out of the game of chase by an excellent tackle from Pax. It had been an aggressive tackle, not permitted with the younglings, and Saoha could feel the pain that would be a purple-red bruise on his leg in the morning. He was one of the men who liked his games rough; most of them liked the games rough. They said it kept them alive. It was odd, they were so gentle with the children. Saoha moved to sit next to him, baby peach in her arms.

Chopper's eyebrows rose as one of Fives wives sat next to him, almost near enough for him to wrap his arm around her waist. Although she carried the baby, he knew she wasn't Sula. Saoha, he remembered, though Fives often called her Sa'. He wondered briefly if that wasn't an insult to her name, though he'd never known Fives to insult anyone.

She was beautiful, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Chopper laughed at himself. Before coming to Saleucami, he could count the women he'd seen on both hands, the women he'd talk to on one hand. Old shame mixed with new pleasure and he smiled at her, more hopeful that she'd smile back than anything else. She glanced at him and moved slightly closer as though they were friends, as though they were talking to each other.

He was tall enough to look over her shoulder and at the baby cradled in her arms. He enjoyed looking at the promise of the child.

"Here," said Saoha, turning to him, "You'd like to hold her."

"Yeah, but I'd break her." Chopper didn't move, frozen as Saoha quickly and expertly slid the infant into his half-curled arm. She seemed to weigh less than his blaster had weighed.

"Here, curve this arm to support her, her butt in your hand and her back along your arm." She folded his arm to her direction. "This arm cradles her." Saoha reached across him and set his other hand around the baby. She touched his bare chest with a finger, "Hold her near your heart." Chopper was proud of himself for not flinching as her finger brushed against an old scar.

He glanced down to the baby. She was a warm, moving bundle in his arms. Chopper could feel her heartbeat flutter against his chest. Her hair was dark, like Fives hair, like Chopper's own. He wondered what color her eyes would be as her face scrunched up in what seemed to be a grin. "She's a beautiful child."

Saoha seemed to ignore him for a moment, her attention on the baby. Then she smiled into Chopper's face. "She is beautiful and she likes you. I'll have to let you hold her more often."

Chopper decided he would like that. A lot. He glanced up into Saoha's face. She smiled at him and he decided he would like that a lot also.

"Why does Fives call you Sa'?" It was the first question that came to his mind; the first string of a conversation to keep her by his side for a few minutes. He'd like to get to know her, learn to flirt, learn to talk to women without shame coloring his face. He'd have to learn; to deal with people without self-consciousness.

"For you to call someone by a name not his own is an insult, correct?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"It's not what we have chosen to be called."

"Perhaps that is the difference. I never chose my name, it was given me after I was weaned." She leaned to nuzzle the child, shaking her head a little. "As we will name peach when she is older." Chopper shut his eyes at the feel of her hair against his chest.

She continued speaking. "One day, when Fives was pleasuring us in bed and he took his mouth away from me for an instant too long in order to say my name, I told him he could call me Sa', a childhood nickname. For him, Sa' is what I have chosen to be called."

Chopper swallowed and glanced down at the baby. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything after," he swallowed again, embarrassed. "…'pleasuring us in bed'."

"I could tell." She smiled at him. "Your face went all stiff."

"Wasn't the only thing," he mumbled as he blushed. He looked at the game, the diversion of an instant. Most of the men were on the sidelines now, yelling for the men on their team. Only Edge, Boil, Rex and Echo were still playing, the sweat running from their bodies, making their backs glisten in the setting sun.

Chopper's back didn't glisten, the sweat ran in the crevices of his scars, running in the channels of his corrugated skin. But today, he had taken off his shirt at Shaeeah's urging. He was tired of washing it every day. He was tired of sweating more because of its warmth. He was tired of being the only man wearing one. He relaxed. No one had said anything. Most of the men barely noticed, though Rex had given him an approving nod. Saria had seen him from the med barn door. She had blushed, smiled at him before returning to the barn. Now Saoha had sat next to him. It was an amazingly mild reaction to his fear of years.

Boil got a good tackle at Rex who'd been dodging Edge, Echo just a fraction too far away to block him. Rex hit the ground with a hard grunt, Boil on top of him, both men laughing as Boil helped Rex up and pointed him off the field. Chopper nodded with a smile. Boil and Edge were Chopper's teammates today and the unofficial bet was the winning team to be first in line for dinner. Being late for dinner usually meant you'd miss out on the wonderful bread Suu baked.

"Boil makes a good partner to almost anyone. He reads people very well." Chopper commented. Another string in the conversation.

"He does." Saoha was willing to let him lead the conversation and Chopper was glad. "Perhaps it is his scout training," she continued.

As they watched, Boil and Edge cornered Echo. Echo would give them a good struggle, but the end was a foregone conclusion. Edge was always one of the last two men, usually the last.

"You read people well, also." She commented. "Why is that?" He frowned and the baby gave a mewl of distress. He gestured to hand her back to Saoha. "No, merely think good emotions. I am sorry I brought back bad memories."

He held the baby, squirming uncomfortably. "How do I think good emotions?" he asked her.

"Here, we can make new ones," she said, as she leaned closer to him, circling one arm around the baby, one around his back. Immediately, the child ceased her squirms.

"Much better thoughts," murmured Chopper. Then he grinned at Saoha. "Should we be exposing a baby to those kinds of emotions?"

She laughed, her arm squeezing around him. "Please, call me Sa'."


Before Dinner - A Mutual Attraction - Kix

Kix held the infant in both hands. She'd been his first child and he was as proud of her as her own parents. Her face scrunched up in some kind of emotion and Kix laughed softly at her expressions. He hadn't realized simply watching a baby could be so entertaining. He slipped her back into her carry, holding her.

"She's beautiful and healthy, Fives. "I don't know much about Zeltron genetics, but it looks like she might have your brown eyes." He handed the baby to Fives.

Fives laughed, taking his peach into his arms, holding her closely to his heart. "I'll accept your expert opinion about both her beauty and her health." He glanced at his peach. "Let me give her back to Sa', Kix, I'll be right back." Fives went out the door with the baby.

Kix watched him go, 'what if's' running though his mind, then sighed. Fives was, very obviously, a happily married man content with his life as it was. His wives, Sula and Saoha, were wonderful women. Kix saw Sula daily, had spent an hour with both women at the pool. They had flirted kindly with the men. Even Riposte, suspicious with anyone not a brother prisoner, had relaxed, smiled and joked back. Sula bringing Kayl back from death had been spectacular. Kix sighed again. No way a man like Fives would be interested in him.

He'd proposed to Saria. Osik, he'd been so nervous he'd had to write it on a data pad. He liked her; he could learn to love her. Already, she was expecting a child. Kix would love a family. She hadn't said no to him as she had to the pilots. She wanted time and he had nodded. He wanted to work with her, learn more medicine from her. Already he knew more simply because she talked through treatment, talked during the surgeries. He could make love to her; he would have to learn but he'd learn. For a family, he'd learn anything. For the chance to hold his own child in his arms…like Fives and his family, Sula and Saoha and the beautiful baby peach.

He turned to see Fives in the doorway with a smile. "What's on your mind, Kix? With deep sighs like that?" Fives shut the door behind him and came to stand next to Kix.

"Just thinking about your wives, Fives. They're also very beautiful."

"And healthy like my peach." Fives grinned and took a step closer to Kix. "And wonderfully perceptive." Fives put his arm around Kix and Kix froze, his heart pounding. "And they share, Kix. When I found them I thought I had died and gone to some unimaginable heaven. Do you share, Kix? Would you like to … touch one of my wives? Beautiful Saoha, perhaps,"

Fives had his hands on the front of Kix's pants and Kix gasped. He hadn't expected that.

"Not my lovely Saoha, then perhaps my gentle and just as beautiful Sula?"

Fives hand merely held him, offering no pleasures and Kix was confused. Fives appeared to be measuring his attraction to his wives.

"No," commented Fives, with a rueful shake of his head, "not my wonderful Sula". Kix gulped as Fives' hair brushed against him. He wondered what it would feel like on his bare skin. Fives looked into Kix's eyes with a grin. "Perhaps, me?" Kix nodded a little and felt himself thicken into Fives' hand.

"I am so lucky, Kix, that my wives talk to me, that my wives think of me, that my wives share me, that my wives love me." Fives' arm pulled Kix closer and his hand gently began to caress Kix. "Would you have ever asked, Kix? Would you have ever expressed that you found me attractive?" The warm breath of his lips caressed Kix.

"No." Kix whispered into the kiss. Hesitantly, one of his arms came around Fives, his hand luxuriating in that dark, wavy hair. Fives delicately slipped his tongue between Kix's lips, his hand stroking Kix's hardness inside his pants. Kix put his shaking hand outside of Fives' pants, felt the hardness and pulled away from the kiss, his breath shaking. Fives took no offense, instead stroking the side of Kix's face with gentle fingers. Kix shut his eyes in wishful dreams.

"Are you a virgin, Kix?" Fives asked softly.

"No." Kix's face was hard and tormented for only an instant, but Fives caught it.

"Outside of prison, Kix, outside of rape, are you a virgin?" Fives voice was low, gentle and concerned, his palm on Kix's cheek.

Slowly, Kix jerked his head in a nod, his lips twisted as he remembered his first time. He'd been held down, no faux love or even sexual attraction, simply a game of power which he had lost. Fives removed his hand from Kix's pants, giving the softening little brother a pat.

"Tonight, then, Kix. After dinner come up to our room. Sula will be there with us, but probably not Saoha."

"Us?" Kix was glad there was no quiver in his voice.

"We won't have sex. But I would like to get to know you, and my lovely, wonderful wife," Fives grinned, "might like to watch at some time in the future, if you let her." Fives' face became solemn. "Besides, she's had training in sexual trauma."

"I'm not in any kind.."

"You are, Kix. Do not compare yourself to this wounded group and think you're not hurting. You're just not as bad as about a third of the men here. You were a virgin who was raped in prison. I'm sure it wasn't gentle, either. That, by definition, is sexual trauma."

"No, not gently." Kix's voice was soft, "but the others need help more than I do."

"Possibly. but they haven't expressed even so much as a thought in my direction and you have been watching me." Fives gave Kix a light kiss.

Kix tentatively kissed him back.

"I'll be there, Fives." He gave a little smile. "I enjoy Sula's company and I'd like to get to know you better, too. It's been a long time since I've had thoughts like that." He bowed his head in shame and misery. "I thought they'd killed those wants forever."

"It wasn't your fault, Kix. Remember that. Whatever happened was not your fault."


Before Dinner - Sketch's Pain

Sketch sighed with relief as he sat on the bench. Cut had pulled a bench from the barn and set it against the wall of the house in the back yard for Sketch to join everyone during meals. Sketch used it often for rest as well. He was gaining endurance with the crutches, gaining dexterity, gaining skill. Shaeeah had given him one of her packs to carry his art supplies with him and, after he'd stopped laughing at the garishly girly design, he'd hugged her. She'd grinned and blushed, her own burbling laughter joining his. But after they'd laughed she'd hugged him and he said the pack was full of love. It wouldn't fit on his broad shoulders, so he slung it over one arm. Each morning, she and Numa would sit beside him and he would show them his new drawings from the previous day.

He slept comfortably by the kitchen, the residual warmth from the kitchen enough to keep the muscle spasms away during the night. He was concerned about muscle spasm during the day, but they were few and not as severe as they'd been in prison. He'd spoken with Saria and she suggested it was because of the exercise; he was moving the blood to his leg, circulation providing internal warmth.

They'd set up his surgery for a day away. Sketch was anxious, but in a good way. She reminded him that it would mostly be aesthetic at this point; turning his foot so it was angled correctly to the lower leg bones, connecting ligament and muscle to their proper attachment on bone. She promised him it would take a lot of therapy and work. This was the foundation but he wouldn't be able to use until his knee was corrected.

This was fine with Sketch. It was a start. It was movement forward, it was a beginning. It was hope.

He had pulled her into him, hugging her tightly, kissing her until he could feel her heart pounding against him.

Since he wasn't yet allowed to go by himself, Sketch invited different brothers with him when he went exploring. Jester had been the best, they'd never lacked for things to discuss. Now Jester said very little and only glanced at Sketch with sadness in his face, thinking of Saria. Jester didn't blame Sketch and they were still friends, but the pain for Jester was too overwhelming. Chopper was always good company usually quietly lost in his own thoughts then breaking the silence with a question or sentence that caused both men to think. He told Sketch he was trying to find out who he was becoming because he certainly wasn't who he had been. Sketch had been delighted by that statement and they had discussed personality and individuality. Djinn, also, was good company. He was eager to explore but he tended to explore minutely, once they were where Sketch wanted to be. Djinn would bring his book and read a poem, then discuss it while his fingers scrubbed in the dirt to inspect the soil contents or he climbed a tree to discover insect habitats.

Saria came to visit him most evenings, once he was in the house for the night but not yet asleep. She'd sit on the floor, next to his cot. He liked that; liked all of it; her kisses, her fingers on his face and threading through his hair, her arms tenderly tight around his neck, her palms against his chest. Once, in accidental movement, his hand had brushed her breast outside her shirt and she had gasped, flushed. Sketch had merely continued stroked her face and hair, not ready for anything more.

Sometimes Chopper came in with her and they would both sit talking with Sketch, but Chopper recognized that this was Sketch's territory. Saria would stop leaning against Chopper and lean against Sketch. The first time she'd done so, Sketch and Chopper had raised their eyebrows at each other. It seemed like Saria might share and with that quick glance each man assured the other that he would share with him.

She told Sketch she'd kissed Crux, delighted with his flirting. He had taken to coming to the barn every evening and giving her a shoulder massage as he asked her questions. She said that he would propose, but wouldn't be hurt when she said no. Quiet Pax had also expressed his interest, had taken her for walks in the silver moonlight of Saleucami but hadn't done more than hold her hand and put his arm around her waist as they talked. She had bit her lip when talking about Pax. He would be hurt when she told him no. Sketch had told her, "Give him a kiss then, Saria. He will hurt with or without one, so give him the best one you can."

Dour Edge had expressed an interest in children. He had been business-like. He would care for and love any children of hers, though he'd prefer his self or his brothers as the father. He would please her the best he could, sexually and otherwise and would share her if she so desired, again preferably with his brothers. He was a hard worker and would welcome Jester back into her life if she desired. She wasn't sure if he would be hurt or not; his proposal had been business-like but she could tell there were untapped depths to him and he had spoken of love. He was one of the men she watched now when they played chase and tackle. His expression then was so much different than when he was in the med barn. Sketch told her that as long as she didn't kiss Edge or promise, he wouldn't hurt.

She told him that Kix had stuttered, badly, as he asked Saria to marry him. Then he'd cursed and went back into the examination room, slamming the door. He came out a few minutes later, his cheeks red and handed her a data pad with his message on it. Sketch has sighed, not knowing what to say to that. "Insist on truth with Kix, he has been badly hurt in prison and has come to believe he deserved everything that happened to him, he believes he is responsible for the deaths of the men who died there."

Dare had also used the data pad, though his conversation had been longer. He bemoaned the fact that he couldn't charm her with words, couldn't discuss things because a million thoughts went through his mind even as he was writing the first word. He couldn't even kiss her properly. She had sighed and given him a kiss; light and soft on his cheek. He had run his fingers through her hair and lightly held her face while he set his lips against her cheek.

Djinn, she wasn't sure about, he'd approached her the other day but ran away before he'd finished asking. Sketch had heard the story and told her. She had blushed for Djinn's embarrassment. She told Sketch that she'd gone to the pool with Chopper but she'd blushed and hadn't said any more.

Sketch had smiled. He liked all of his brothers here and knew that Saria probably couldn't pick a bad husband among the bunch so long as she knew why she was picking the man. Edge wanted children, had always wanted children; Crux wanted attention, Chopper wanted acceptance neither thought they were worth loving as they were. Jesse wanted redemption, Sketch hoped Saria wouldn't pick Jesse; that would be a long, hard path. Djinn wanted experience, Kix would marry her for innocent love and family, Baffle for occasional sex, Checkout and Backup for frequent sex.

"And why do you look so thoughtful?" her voice interrupted his reverie as she set his dinner and glass on the bench. He laughed and drew his fingers along her beautiful face. He'd marry her for her kisses, her delicious, honeyed kisses. Because that was all he could do. Sketch sigh and became solemn.

"I need to tell you something, Saria."

"I know," she said. "You have that look on your face."

Sketch smiled as well. He'd also marry her for her perceptiveness,

"I'm falling in love with you much faster than I thought I would and you need the truth to make your decision." He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I would be happy to marry you. I would be happy to raise your child with you. But I don't think I'd be able to give you a child. I don't think I can function with anyone." He drew back then. "I used to," he whispered softly. "I've had two women in my past. During battle times, I've also had brothers. Most of us have explored sex with our brothers, especially when there is no other release."

Saria nodded. Crux had mentioned that in-between some of his questions. It didn't bother her as she thought it might.

"But prison …" his mouth opened in a grimace but no words escaped.

"They raped you." It wasn't a question. Sketch nodded sharply.

"They liked doing that, especially after they twisted the leg." He whispered. "Because I'd scream. The pain was…" Again he couldn't' say anything. His throat was dry and his shaking hands reached for the glass at his side.

He drank a bit and stared at the glass in his hand, then put it back down on the bench. "The other brothers, mostly, could hold back the screams. They could grit their teeth and think of revenge or hate." Sketch continued. "I'd scream mostly because of the knee and I couldn't think of anything then. They loved hearing me scream." He looked at her, his eyes bleak. "I lost all interest in ever having sex again. I haven't even," He glanced away from her.

"Calibrated your deece?" she asked, her voice was softly teasing, but her eyes were full of tears.

"Yeah," he chuckled at a brother's phrase on her lips. "I haven't even done that. Rex said that one of Fives' wives might visit me one evening. But she's Zeltron. She hasn't visited because she knows. Both of them give me hugs and kisses; but its open, it's their way." Sketch shook his head. "But she won't visit me because she knows I can't."

Saria kissed him, gently on his lips, then laid her head along his arm. "All things heal, Sketch. In time, all things heal."

He'd marry her for her honeyed kisses, her perceptiveness, her kindness, her humor, her gentleness, her compassion. He'd marry her for love, deep and warm.


Dinner Conversation - Djinn

Saoha was pleased that Fives had approached Kix. They'd always known of his occasional interest in men, though he didn't often found one who was compatible. They'd known of Kix's interest on the ship.

Still, it meant she would need to find somewhere else to sleep. The bed provided by Cut and Suu was for two. The three of them and the tiny handful that was peach had laughingly crowded in it. Adding Kix would probably break it. So, Fives had explained and Sa' agreed. Kix needed healing and that needed Sula, Kix needed love and while either she or Fives could provide that, only Fives could provide sex later if desired.

Finding another place to sleep wouldn't be difficult at all. If nothing else, Jester would let her use his house. Saoha shook her head. To sleep alone? Not an option. Then she smiled. Djinn.

Poor Djinn had embarrassed himself in front of Saria, ejaculating even as he asked her if she would … he'd never gotten the words out … and the laughter of his brothers had sent him running. Saria, incredulously, didn't even understand what had happened.

Saoha smiled. She'd let Djinn know that as well.

She saw Djinn at dinner, alone near the tree line around the back yard. Saoha leaned close to Fives at dinner and whispered in his ear. "Djinn. I think I will be with Djinn tonight."

Fives nodded, turned his head with a smile and gave her a kiss. Sula, peach at her breast, reach up and ran her elegant fingers in Sa's hair with a soft smile. They all saw Kix hesitantly walking their way. Saoha gave him a brief hug as she passed him on the way to Djinn's solitude.

Djinn, still embarrassed and angry from the laughter of his brothers, sat alone on the outer edge of the back yard, away from the crowded area. He wasn't enjoying the steak, chewing angrily with his head down. Quietly, Saoha sat next to him. He still seemed unaware of her presence and stabbed a piece of meat.

"It won't fight back, you know." She said and he jerked, almost leaping into the air from a seated position.

"Oh." Djinn looked back down at his meat. "I supposed some of my brothers sent you here." She read his shame.

"Would your brothers be so cruel?" she asked putting her hand on his shoulder.

"No," he muttered, "not really. Mostly they were laughing at the circumstance. Could have happened to anyone."

"Would I be that cruel?"

He looked at her, taking in her beauty, the delicate shade of her dusty pinkish-red skin, her darker hair, her soft smile. He understood that beauty could be cruel, but she'd been one of the rescuers on the ship. Then Djinn looked down at his meal with a frown on his face, already hard. "No." he muttered. "I'm just…" he sighed and dropped his fork into his plate. "What do you want with me?"

"You seemed unhappy and I wanted to cheer you up." She moved her hand from his tense shoulder to his forearm.

"Thanks, but I don't think that's going to happen." He was looking down at her hand with a frown, but his inner turmoil included pleasure at her touch.

"Why not?" Saoha moved her hand down his forearm, lightly touching the back of his hand before withdrawing her touch.

Djinn sighed. "She's the only unmarried woman around and I messed up my chance with her."

"Not really." Saoha took a bite of steak. "She was the only one who was unaware of what happened."

Djinn turned his head to look at her. "How could she?" Then he turned his head back to his feet, his elbows on his knees. "Not for long. Someone will tell her."

"Probably. She still won't hold it against you."

Djinn perked up. "Really?"

"Really. She's a wonderful person." Saoha gestured across the yard where Saoha was sitting with Sketch, her eyes were bright and she was smiling. Pleasure overlaid with nurturing filled her and Saoha let that warm pleasure wash over her. "Busy at the moment though and your chances are not the best. One in twenty-five?" She watched his expressions, enjoying the smile she'd brought to his face with her news.

"Still," Djinn considered aloud, "Maybe I can ask again tomorrow. And they're more like one in fifteen." He told her. "For various reasons, some brothers aren't interested; Riposte, Jesse, Cody. Some others."

"Yes, ask again tomorrow. But what will you do about tonight?" Saoha purred, leaning closer. Djinn froze, his fingers shook on his plate and he turned his face to her. She tilted her face and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. He quivered, shut his eyes and tried to control little brother. Saoha felt his emotions sparkle.

"You're married to Fives." He whispered, his eyes still closed.

"We share and tonight I told him I was hoping to share with you."

He lay back on the grass, his eyes closed and his hardness pressing at the material of his pants. He was breathing hard. Then he opened his eyes and quickly sat up. "I'm yours." He turned to her. "What can I do for you?" The sparkle turned into joy, into warmth, into something pure and clean like fresh water.

"A kiss," she smiled. "And finished dinner with me."

He kissed her lips and she kissed back. He closed his eyes to taste her better, to feel more of her warmth. He pressed harder but she withdrew. Disappointed, he opened his eyes. She was only a breath away. When his eyes opened, she lightly touched her forehead to his, her nose to his.

"We need more privacy to continue that." She smiled. "Let's continue dinner first."

"I don't think I'm hungry for food anymore." He said as he stared at her face, his own face incredulous.

"Perhaps not, but we have all night and with food comes conversation." She smiled. "And conversation is the best manner of flirting and friendship."

"I don't know how to flirt that well," he said as he took a bit of the steak. Then his hand shook. "All night?" he whispered. "You'll stay with me all night?"

She felt his amazement. He had sexual experience, but it had been with women who had no use for him beyond sexual gratification or with women who plied their trade by the hour. "That would be my preference. For you to take your pleasure and then kick me out of your bedroll would be rude in the extreme."

'No, no. I wouldn't do that. I'd kick myself out first, if you wanted. I just…" He took another bite to give himself time to think. "No one's ever wanted me all night." He sighed. "I couldn't last that long anyway." But she caught his intense delight at being wanted all night.

Saoha didn't laugh although her eyes sparkled. "I would like to spend all night with you and, even if you don't last that long, I'm sure we'd still enjoy our time together." She leaned against his chest. "Perhaps just by holding each other?"

"I'll try, Saoha." He put his arm around her. She felt his heart pounding, his blush of delight and the small tendrils of friendship love.


Announcements - Rex

Rex looked over the group. He chuckled to himself as his eyes caught different scenes playing themselves out in the back yard.

Numa was serving Boil and Waxer. She did that every night, making sure they always had some of the delicious bread, making sure to save them treats if they were a little late. Numa took very good care of her nerra as they took very good care of her. Tonight, gunship pilots Checkout and Backup were with the scouts. They had just sat down with their plates. Suu had sent them to the end of the line for another prank they had played on the cooks. Rex had noticed there was someone different with the scouts every night. Probably men expressing their thanks to Boil then sharing the meal with them. Cody had told Rex that Boil was more aloof and standoffish than ever. Rex had nodded, "How else could he have survived what he did? Can you see me doing that for three years? You?"

Shaeeah was laughing. She was sitting with Chopper as she usually did. Like Numa did for her nerra, Shaeeah did for Chopper. She was usually talking; asking questions, making comments. Rex could only take concentrated Shaeeah in small doses but noticed that Chopper was more than simply patient with her; he actively enjoyed her company. Sometimes they sat with Sketch and Saria; apparently Chopper and Sketch had made some sort of arrangement. In the mornings, Chopper was usually with Saria and in the evenings, she was more often found in the company of Sketch.

Jek was with Gekko and Leven along with Barin and Keeli. Rex enjoyed the dynamics of that little group. Jek admired Gekko and Leven as older brothers, Barin had the same feelings about Jek. Keeli couldn't express his feelings with any accuracy, but he preferred toddling after Barin over anyone else. One of the nuna had escaped being penned and was at the outskirts of that group; running from Keeli, but still dashing into the group to grab at bits of food Keeli had spilt on the ground and the bits Barin was offering it. Rex noticed his active son was almost a statue to entice the nuna closer to his fingers. Pride puffed his chest; it always did when he watched his son. Col was with them. He'd taken to helping with the children, being around them. 'I'm practicing' he'd laugh, if anyone asked. Every man knew what he was practicing for.

Djinn and Saoha were on the edge of the group, Saoha curled in Djinn's arms, against his chest as she fed him bites from her plate. Djinn's face bore an incredulous look. Rex had to chuckle at that. Saoha, so far away, could still feel his emotions and smiled at him. He smiled back. He had thought his feelings for her and Sula nothing more than lust. Neither woman had been Ahsoka; but they had been there for him, bringing comfort, slaking his body's hunger. He loved them both, not only as his brother's wives, but sisters to him.

Also on the edge of the group was Jester. He sat alone, his meal finished and his plate in his hand as he watched Sketch and Saria.

Kix had joined Fives and Sula. He was holding baby peach, joy written on his face. Sula was next to him, her arm around his waist, her head against his arm. Fives was on his other side with an arm stretched around them both as much as possible. The plates of food in front of them were cold and untouched.

Rex looked at Ahsoka, at his side, smiling at him. Echo lay on his back, his head in Aureki's lap as she feed him with her fingers. Cut had watched that for a few minutes then left their little group muttering something about finding his wife and privacy.

Rex stood, slowly, waiting as the talking ceased and everyone turned toward him. "I have a few announcements to make." They were listening respectfully. "Col is the first to clear full debriefing. His destination is Dantooine in the Raioballo system and he has spoken to us about his departure." That had their attention. "Our pilot will be taking him there in eight days." There was a small cheer from the men and Rex waited for it to die down before continuing. "If anyone else would like to immigrate to Dantooine or any other planet in Raioballo they need to have all parts of debriefing done by then. If you're last in line, see if you can trade for a different time. We've streamlined the debriefs so they aren't taking as long as we had anticipated."

Leven and Gekko slapped Col on the shoulders with grins. Jek gave a whoop. Col merely looked eagerly satisfied.

Rex knew that look meant 'home' and smiled. He glanced around the group looking for Cut, but Cut must have found Suu and a little privacy.

"Cut and Suu have stated they will start the new planting season around the same time. They will be planting mostly wheat in the fields but would like to know who would prefer to stay for two to three seasons, or even longer. Knowing this will allow them to consider other crops which might bring more profit. It will tell them if new buildings are required or will modifying the barn be sufficient. They may need to consider the purchase of more nuna, more supplies. This is not a permanent decision. If you don't know right now where you want to go, I'd suggest staying for a season or two." He smiled at the group. "I did." There was some laughter and he knew it was the thought of Captain Rex of the 501st harvesting crops.

"Cut will also be taking a part-time job in the town to keep an ear out for information." He heard their murmurs. "There's no evidence that the escape has been detected, no evidence of Imperials or bounty hunters. This is simply precautionary. Suu will be going into town more often. If you have something you need or want, give her a list. Anything purchased will come out of your stake which is 2152 credits." There was silence. None of them had ever had credits. Rex sighed. "Talk to Suu or Aureki about managing household expenses. It's something else everyone should know about."

"Because Cut will be staying in town for several days at a time, Jester will be in charge of the farming; his main helpers will be Shaeeah and Jek as well as Echo. If they tell you something in relation to the farm duties, do it."

"Kix says that tests have shown, so far, that you have minor vitamin deficiencies. More protein, gentlemen; enjoy the steaks." Again there was a small cheer from the group of men. "Make sure to get sunlight during the day as well as physical exercise. The games have been supplying that very well. Cody and I will also be having hand-to-hand combat practice daily. As with the games, everyone is welcome. The scouts will be opening their camp for anyone who would like to learn more."

Rex watched his brothers for a moment. He knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell them all, that he loved them, that he was proud of them, that they'd done well. He wanted to take away all their pains, wanted to remove their scars, let them know they were safe. But he couldn't say those things.

"Welcome home, my brothers," he whispered as he sat next to Ahsoka, leaning his head into her neck.


A Small Talk - Jester

Jester watched her, sitting so close to Sketch, her lithe body touching his, their heads bent together; then she looked up smiling at the lamed man. Sketch had taken his hand and cupped it around her cheek. Jester knew what came next, he didn't have to look. But he did with the morbid anticipation of pain that he knew would break his heart. Again. Saria blushed at the kiss, smiled, and Sketch had brought his face closer again. Jester didn't need to punish himself that much so turned his head.

This was a public kiss. He'd heard that she'd kissed Crux, but that had been softly and on the cheek, in friendship. He'd seen Chopper's look of confident pleasure as he watched Saria and knew Chopper had kissed her, more intimately than Crux but that had been privately and Chopper wasn't talking. Jester was grateful for that though he wasn't sure why.

He knew most of his brothers were interested in Saria. Pax, Djinn, Dub, quiet Edge, even Kix who would hide his own longings and pain to give Saria everything he could.

If he looked hard, Jester could see the softening around Saria's belly, the little tummy that was developing. He wouldn't be surprised if she was over the 90 days she had calculated. She'd been very busy for the last four or five months. Jester hung his head. She'd been busy and he'd been anxious that she was spending so much time away from him. She'd said something innocent and he'd taken offense.

"Does it hurt that much?" Rex's voice was soft in his ear.

Jester didn't open his mouth for fear he'd shout or cry. He wasn't sure which. He simply nodded his head.

"So, why are you torturing yourself watching her and Sketch?" Rex sat next to him.

"I love her." Jester said quietly. "Even if it's torture, I still love her. I love watching her, love being with her, the touch of her hand on my arm, the taste of her kiss. If I watch closely enough, I can almost feel it again."

"Do you love talking to her also?" Rex's question was almost off-handed as he took a bite of goldenfruit, the rind flipped inside out.

"Yes, Rex." Jester's voice was sharp. "She's the most intelligent, imaginative, wonderful person in the world to just sit and have a chat with. You know that."

"So why haven't you talked with her?"

Jester was quiet. Rex sighed.

"Still ashamed?" Rex asked and Jester knew this was a debriefing, of sorts. It required honesty on both sides and commitment to finish.

Jester nodded. "I apologized on the step; when Crux took her to the barn that day. I wasn't loud but she heard me. So did Crux. She asked for time so we could salvage our friendship."

"Is friendship what you want?"

"No. But it's what I'll accept if that's all I can get. It's what I'll accept so I can stay in her life. So I can help with my child." He turned his head sideways to look at Rex. "I feel amazingly fortunate for her to be having my child. You can understand that." Jester set his hands on the ground, spreading his fingers wide, as though feeling for life among the grass. "Clones don't have wives, Rex. They don't have children. The only 'family' for a clone is the army." He pulled his hands back, rubbing his thumbs in his palms. "This is family. I have brothers, dearer to me than my own life. I have sisters, nieces, nephews that I would die for. I had a woman I still love beyond anything I've ever known. She's having my child." He looked at Rex again. "Is that a love a I can even survive?"

Rex nodded, "Barin is richness beyond anything I'd ever thought of. I've touched Ahsoka's and Aureki's bellies to feel the movement and I felt like I touched something infinite in that tiny flutter. It's like you just get bigger the more you love so you can contain it." Rex glanced back at Saoha, just being helped to her feet by Djinn. "Sometimes you can't contain all that love. Sometimes it just overflows."

They were quite for a while, contemplating fatherhood. Then Rex spoke up again. "So, why do you still feel ashamed?"

"I need to apologize to Cass Cjain as well."

"Figured that out, then." Rex commented.

"Yes." Jester nodded. "And I don't want to see her either. Both because of what I did, using her like that and because she'll try again."

"After you apologize, what are you going to do?"

Jester looked at Rex and took a deep breath. "You've got something on your mind, don't you?"

"Always, Jester. Always." Rex took another bit of the fruit licking the juice from the corner of his lips. "Have you let her love you in your weaknesses as well as your strengthes?"

"What do you mean, Rex?" Jester looked at him with a curious frown.

Rex was quiet for a moment, then his voice was soft. "Have you let her know what happened; what you did in the Jedi temple."

Jester's face crumbled. "No." his voice was as soft as Rex's. "She'd hate me."

"Then she wouldn't be worth your love." Rex was looking over the back yard, leaning back on his elbows, the rind close by his hand. "You love her," he continued. "When she's ill or unhappy, do you just walk out the door and tell her you'll be back when she's better?"

"No! I take care of her, let her know that I'm there for her." Jester dropped his head and stared at the ground. "At least, I did. Until I thought someone else was there for her."

"Then give her the opportunity to be there for you." Rex sat up, cross-legged and put his hand on Jester's shoulder. "Ahsoka knew what happened at the Jedi temple, but she hadn't told Aureki. Echo told Aureki what he did. I told her my part later. She didn't hate us. She cried for us, for our pain."

Jester was merely still.

"Do you think Fives has kept this, or anything, secret from Sula and Saoha?" Rex gave a short laugh and Jester had to chuckle also.

"Do you honestly believe that she doesn't already know at least a good part of it?" Rex asked Jester.

Jester turned to Rex. "She can't know."

Rex pointed to Chopper, laughing with Shaeeah. "Chopper was with the 501st and even if he didn't follow orders, he knew what those orders were. Kix also knew and he works with Saria. Countdown, Pax. Also 501st. Also at the temple. She's one of the psyc team. She's listening to everything we have been through and everything we have done. She knows what we did. She just doesn't know the details of your part. Perhaps she's waiting for you to trust her."

Jester's face twisted as he tried to hold back the tears, but a few escaped. Rex simply patted his back. The back yard was mostly empty now in the soft dimness that was early night on Saleucami. Light bugs flickered through the trees and lights through the windows of the house added to the peaceful scene.

Rex spoke again. "I've heard that for the next twenty days or so she's flirting with the men to get to know them. Jester told me it's so she can determine if what she loves is something common to all of us or unique in us as individuals."

Jester nodded. "She's even talking with the men who aren't interested in her, like Cody and Shy, simply to get to know everyone better. So?"

Rex's reply was slow in coming and spoken deliberately. "So why don't you talk with her also. Flirt with her. Find out if what she once loved in you is still there. Start over again. Determine if she wants to share. Determine if you can share."

Jester frowned. Rex watched him. Whatever distaste Jester had for the situation faded as he nodded softly. "I have to apologize to Cass first." He stood with his empty plate in his hand. Rex reached out for it. "It will be on the bench by the back door. Jester nodded.

"Best to get started now." Jester turned toward the forest heading to a house he dreaded to visit.


A Quiet Walk - Jester

Jester was at the barn.

"Hello, Saria." He was nervous, glancing away from her then his eyes drawing back as if of their own volition. What if she refused to go? What if she refused to listen to him? "I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk out to the big rock and back?"

"I ... I've got a lot of work to do, Jester." Although she seemed hesitant, his name on her lips was like a caress.

"I know. I've heard Sketch's surgery is tomorrow. But you've always enjoyed a walk beforehand. You said it relaxes you." He glanced around the small area of the med barn. Edge was sitting quietly in the corner. "It's not like I'll talk too much.

Saris chuckled. "I remember. It was about four weeks before you said anything at all to me."

"I'll go, if you prefer," said Edge, watching Saria protectively.

"Why wouldn't she want to go with me, Edge? We are friends." He turned to her, fear in his heart. What if they weren't friends? What if that was also gone? "Aren't we?"

Saria smiled. "We are friends, Jester. Although I won't let you be silent. We have a child to discuss." Her color was high, pink cheeks, as if daring him to deny her baby a second time.

Jester nodded. "Yes, we have a child to discuss. I am sorry, Saria, for saying what I said. At the very least, I should have rejoiced that my best friend was having a very wanted child. And to be carrying my child deserves more gratitude than I showed." He turned, biting his lip against saying anything more. She pulled her shawl off the peg and followed him out the door. He was standing by the big tree where they'd had the argument. As she came out the door, he moved close to her, adjusting his stride to her smaller one.

"Do you have other apologies, Jester?" She asked, with a glance at the tree.

"Yes," he nodded. "I thought I'd say them bit by bit, as we talked"

"That could take another four weeks," she quipped with a smile.

"Not this time." He smiled back.

They walked past the front yard where some men were sparring, Jek among them. Jek waved then the others did as well. All except Chopper, who merely observed them.

They were half-way to the big rock before Saria realized it wasn't a tense quiet between them, but the normal, relaxed silence of walking with Jester.

"It's good to be walking with you again," her voice was soft. Jester smiled to hear that softness though he wasn't sure it would remain there. He nodded; a typical response from him. Jester chewed his lip for a moment, wondering if he should speak.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring your desire for a walk, Saria. I remember we use to walk every day."

She bit her tongue. She would not say it, would not say it.

She didn't. He did.

"Until I started going on all those runs." He was quiet for a while after saying that. "I was angry and frustrated by what I thought was happening. I'm sorry I didn't ask for clarity."

"I'm sorry, that I didn't notice how distressed you were."

Jester shook his head. "You were busy except when you were exhausted, Saria. There were several times you didn't notice your shoes didn't match or that you shirt or pants were inside out."

"Oh no," she murmured, embarrassed. "My pants?"

His eyes twinkled and his lips almost smiled. "That's ok, Saria. That happened only once."

She stopped and turned toward him. "Because you started putting my clothes out for me, didn't you?"

They were at the big rock and climbed it, Jester giving her his hand. When they were seated on the large, flat-topped boulder, he nodded. "I was working on the house. It was easy for me to have clean clothes out for you each day. I just draped them over the chair you threw them on each night."

"Thank you." She chuckled. "Who knows what I would have worn without you watching over me." She went quiet then, remembering that was what Jester did, watched over her. From the first time she'd seen him in armor with the big blaster to such little things as making sure she didn't embarrass herself wearing her clothes inside out. She sighed, a little noise almost lost in the breeze. "I'm sorry, Jester, for saying you'd have to share me with Chymdura. I did say it. Or something close enough to be the same. I only meant you'd have to be sharing my time." She glanced down at her feet, her hands clasped behind her back as she walked. "Perhaps you'd better tell your brothers it's a common saying."

"I will, Saria." He also glanced down at the pathway they walked. "But I don't think most of my brothers would be oversensitive enough to mistake the meaning." He touched his cheek on the scar. "You've heard about what happened at the temple, haven't you?"

"Yes." Her voice was subdued and she bowed her head.

"But I never told you what I did."

"You never had to, Jester. I understand you did something terrible and you have suffered for it. I'd see you sometime, staring out the window, your face all twisted in pain. A couple of times, I asked you what was wrong and you'd start in surprise but you never told me. You'd just say you were thinking." She shook her head. "So I let it be, Jester because if you wanted to tell me, you would."

He nodded. "I want to tell you." It was some while before he began speaking.

"I was up in the tower," he began. "The upper level was where the council room was. Rex and General Skywalker took the main council room. It was supposed to be full of some of the most powerful Jedi who were meeting to plan treason against the Republic. It wasn't, but I didn't know that until later. So the two ARCs, Fives and Echo, each move down the long corridor in opposite directions and I'm checking doors in the hallway. I open up one door and there's a girl holding a child. About Keeli's age and maybe she's just a little older than Shaeeah. So I open channel. It's quiet where I'm at, but with the open channel, I can hear what's going on elsewhere. I hear blasters, lightsabers, yells, shouts and all the normal chaos of war. 'I've got two non-coms here.' That's what I said. Because they weren't Jedi; you could look at them and tell. Rex's voice comes back over the open channel; hard and deadly, where everyone can hear it. 'Kill everything. If it's alive now, it better be dead when we leave.'" Jester looked down at the boulder, the silver sparkle and black opaque of granite. "So I follow that order. Then I decide to empty my blaster in that room. In case I come upon any more non-coms. It takes a while, longer than I thought. I'd never had a reason to use my blaster like that so I didn't know it would take that long."

He touched his scar again. "I didn't know that rate of fire was likely to melt the barrel though I knew it would get hot. Didn't know how hot." He paused a moment. "I just closed communication channels and manually adjusted the baffles in my helmet." He gave her a lop sided grin. "Otherwise I'd be deaf as well as ugly. After the blaster is empty I find a corner and I hide myself in it. And I cry. I didn't even realize I'd had my blaster to my face until someone handed me over to the medics."

His hands trembled and he set them on the stone as though to absorb its eternal stability and tranquility. "You've never heard me say the remembrance because I always make sure to do it alone. Usually out in the forest. Because most of the time, I cry. I remember them. Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum girl in the tower child in her arms. Vul kyr'am. There are other names but those two are always first."

Jester looked at her, his eyes glittering with unshed tears. Saria took a deep breath and nodded. Her own eyes were wet and she touched his face with her fingers.

"I never believed you loved me because I couldn't love myself. For what I did, I wasn't worth loving."

"You did what you were ordered, Jester. You had no choice."

"But if I'm a man, human, then my actions are my choice. And if my actions are not my choice, then I am no better than a droid."

Saria sighed, running her fingers through Jester's thick, dark hair. "In the temple, you reacted according to your training. You had no time to think of making a choice. But when you did think…"

"I made my choice and deserted with Rex," he nodded. "It's good talking but I'm not sure I believe it. Not sure it will chase away nightmares."

"Probably not for a long time, Jester." Her voice was almost lost in the breeze.

"Thank you, Saria." He lowered his head.

They lay back on the rock together, though not touching anymore. It was too soon for touching, the wounds still too new.

After a while, Saria sighed. "Time to get back."

"I'll be there tomorrow, too, Saria. I know Sketch decided to have the surgery in the med barn instead of my place so his recuperation wouldn't be lonely."

"I think he just enjoys the pampering he gets from the cooks." Saria chuckled.

Jester grinned. "I wouldn't be surprised and it's not just the cooks. It's too bad ..." He paused, frowned then continued. "It's too bad Suu doesn't share. Sketch would fit right in with that family."

Saria was silent, but Jester saw it was a thoughtful silence rather than an angry silence for bringing up sharing. Jester breathed in relief.

"I'll be there in case you need my strength or in case either of you need anything."

"I don't think I'll need you, but I would appreciate it. Sketch would, too." She thought a second. "Actually, you should be there when he comes out of anesthesia. I think you would be better than Edge to sit with him as he wakes up. You know him better. I'll be there, too, but my attention won't necessarily be on him."

"I'll be there."

"Thanks, Jester."

They started back, side by side. In silence for a short while then Jester spoke again.

"Saria. I have another apology. This one's pretty hard too and I want you to listen to the whole thing." He sighed. "I probably even want your help figuring it out."

Saria nodded, her face becoming a bit wan.

"You know I went to Cass Cjain's house that day and you know why."

She nodded.

"I went there yesterday to apologize to her. I would have used her to see if I could have sex with you. Not one of my better ideas."

"No." Her voice was small and it hurt Jester to think how he'd made Saria feel small.

"I would have used Cass, that's why the apology to her yesterday. For a while I fooled myself into believing that I would have gone home after I found if I could get hard." He stopped on the path so he could face her. "I wouldn't have stopped, Saria. I would have convinced myself that getting hard wasn't enough. I would fool myself into thinking it wasn't proof unless we had sex, then unless I came, then … to make sure that it wasn't just once. I'm glad now, that little brother paid no attention to Cass Cjain."

"But she's pregnant."

"That has nothing to do with me, Saria." He shook his head mournfully. "I haven't been hard for a couple of months now. Not since you said," he caught himself. "Not since I thought you said I had to share you with someone else."

Saria nodded. "I'm sorry I thought you were the father of her child."

"Hey, we're still working on my apology," he smiled at her and she gave him a small smile.

"So I would have used Cass and lied to her. I would have lied to myself and ultimately, I would have lied to you. I want to apologize for that entire thing. I want to make it up to you in any way I can." Saria was quiet, soft wrinkles in her forehead.

"I'll have to think about that one."

Jester nodded. "I know. It's convoluted and I'm not sure I have it figure out totally."

They walked, coming closer to the house and barn. She hadn't said anything more and Jester was a little worried at her silence. Still, it had been a relaxing walk. It had felt good to be talking with her and they were still friends.

"Saria," he asked softly. "I didn't mean to burden you with apologies too much today. I did want to talk to you about our child. I want to be part of this child's life. I don't have a lot of credits and I'd like those to go for Sketch's knee surgery; but I can make a lot of time when it's not harvest. I hope we can make some arrangement where I can take care of this baby while you're working and mentoring with Chymdura." He stopped. "I want to be part of this baby's life."

"That's what I want, Jester. I want you to be part of your child's life also. I know how important this is to you but it's important to me also. I don't want to be the only parent in this child's life."

Jester chuckled, a lump of worry dissolving. "I don't think that'll be a problem. Besides me, there's Cut and Suu." He glanced downward at his feet with a smile. "All the uncles this poor kid will be subject to. Shaeeah and Jek are getting pretty grown up."

"They'll be uncles, but you'll be his or her father." She actually saw Jester stand taller, straighter, a proud smile on his face as he opened the door of the barn. She stood at the door for a moment then laid her palm on his face and kissed his cheek.


Sketch's Surgery

They hadn't needed Jester and it was Edge who came outside the med barn to let him know the surgery was done and he could sit by Sketch. Jester stood.

"Thanks, Edge."

Edge didn't move out of the way. He looked down at the ground then at Jester, blue eyes pinning the brown. "I proposed to Saria."

"I didn't know that."

Edge shrugged a single shoulder. "She said 'no'. She's said or will say 'no' to most everyone except Kix, Chopper and Sketch."

Jester waited. Edge always thought about his words. "She's kind to everyone. She likes almost everyone. But she asked Sketch to marry her. Sketch will say 'yes'. Chopper's hopeful and Sketch will share. More importantly, Saria will share."

Jester's brows drew into a frown and Edge continued. "Maybe before, she wouldn't have shared. She will now."

With those words, Edge stepped away from the doorway.

Sketch was unconscious on the cot, cocooned in blankets with his leg elevated and also cocooned. Just the tips of his toes peeped above the bandages but Jester smiled as he saw those toes were aligned correctly. Kix was sitting with him and looked up at Jester's entrance.

"Sit here, Jester." Kix directed as he stood. "As he comes out of it, he'll be groggy. Kix glanced into Sketch's face. "The thing we're most worried about is disorientation, confusion. Maybe he'll think he's back in prison, in which case call me, I'll be here. Maybe he go back to Order 66 or back into some battle." Kix did something with the monitor in his hands, checked the numbers and nodded. "Saria thinks you'd be the best one to keep him from panicking if that happens. She doesn't want him to move or struggle."

Jester nodded. He sat in Kix's proffered chair and took Sketch's limp hand into his. Saria had told him that people under anesthesia could still take comfort from human touch and voice. "Hey, Sketch. I'm here, my brother."

"I'll be helping Saria clean up. Just give us a call if there's any problem." Kix went into the room that Saria had designated the sterile area. Jester simply held his brother's hand, stroking the knuckles, talking to Sketch in a low voice; talking about the good things.

He didn't know how much longer it was when Saria sat across from him and took Sketch's other hand in hers.

"How's it going, Jester?" she asked.

"Good from what I can tell. He's made slight expressions with his face, nothing stressed. Occasionally tried to say something, but his eyes weren't open so I guess it's like he's talking in his sleep. Nothing I could make out. His hands have twitched, gripped mine a little. I've been checking his pulse every so often like you taught me and that's normal.

"Good. Those are all normal reactions." Saria nodded, laying the back of her hand on Sketch's cheek. Jester lapsed into silence. He knew Saria wouldn't pay very much attention once he'd told her Sketch's progress. She checked his pulse, checked his toes and ran post-op diagnostics. Then she looked at Jester.

"How are you doing, Jester? I haven't asked that question."

"I'm well, Saria. Missing you, of course, but mostly it's been busy. I wake before dawn and don't get to sleep until," he gave a chuckle. "Until almost dawn. Cut and I working on the next planting, we're going slowly to include the brothers. Riven has turned out to be a mechanic as well as a pilot and says that speeder engines are not nearly as complicated as flyers. He's been very helpful in prepping the equipment and in fixing Cut's old speeder. Col wants to take some gifts to Dantooine with him and wants to find out what from Saleucami would be a welcome gift. Leven and Gekko are working hard to pass the debrief so they can also go to Dantooine; Dub and Pax are interested also. Checkout and Backup need watching, they're playing pranks on the cooks almost every morning and Suu isn't going to tolerate that for much longer." He looked at her. "And there aren't twenty heartbeats between the times I think of you." Jester looked down again at Sketch.


Sketch's eyes were barely open but he had a smile on his face.

"Hey, Sketch." Said Jester, almost in a whisper.

"Thirsty." Sketch's voice was so quiet and cracked, Jester almost didn't catch it. But he did, bringing the bulb to Sketch's lips. Sketch's hand was also around it, but there was no strength in those fingers. Sketch sucked the water from the bulb. Then let his hand drop to his chest and Jester moved the bulb away. "How'd...go?"

"It went well, Sketch. Your leg is elevated and if you look straight down with your eyes, you might see your toes."

Sketch looked, his head making small stretching movements, then it relaxed and Sketch grinned. "Looks good." He let a deep breath out, as though he'd been holding it in since he'd going into surgery. His eyelids drooped, dropped and Sketch's eyes closed. "Where's Saria, Jester?" His voice was still low, but no longer a hoarse whisper.

"Chopper came and took her for a walk. She usually needs one after she's done something like this.""

"I'll remember that."

Jester dropped his head. Maybe Sketch would be taking care of Saria from now on. Maybe Chopper would be building her a house. He pushed jealousy aside. They'd be good to Saria, maybe even better than he'd been. Jester raised his head to look at Sketch. His eyes were still mostly closed, but he had a smile on his face and his breathing didn't have the eveness of sleep. Jester continued talking.

"Then Djinn asked if he could have her company for dinner. But I think it's just to prove he's not embarassed anymore. He and Saoha collected his bedrolland his little book from camp after dinner yesterday and weren't seen until sometime after breakfast this morning."

Sketch gave a small chuckle. His smile became wider. Both men were quiet for a while, letting the touch of their hands be sufficient. "Can you share yet, Jester?" came into the silence.

"I don't know, Sketch."


"Do you want to share, Saria?" Jester asked. "Edge said that he thought you might share Sketch and Chopper. They both share and," Jester paused. "They're both good men. So's Kix although he never seemed interested in women before you. He never really seemed interested in anyone."

Saria smiled. "Until Fives."

"Fives?" Jester's eyebrows rose. "Fives as in Fives who has two wives and a baby girl Fives?"

Saria nodded with a smile. "And he did propose to me. We've talked, but that's between him and me."

Jester nodded. "Just surprised, Saria. No questions." He swallowed. "They'd take care of you. Any of them or all of them. I ..I'd like you to have the house."

"No, Jester. You made that and I won't take it away from you."

"I made it for you, Saria." He gave her a lop-sided smile. "Besides I can make another one. Not too far away; maybe equidistant from Cut's and the pool or maybe tucked sunside of the big rock. It would go up even faster since I'd have the help of my brothers." He blushed slightly. "I've got some ideas for changes that I think a growing child would like."

"I'm sure any or all of them could make me a new house also."

"This one's ready for you and the baby, Saria. Please, let it be my gift." He held her hand in his, brought it to his lips and gave her fingertips a soft kiss.

"I'll think on it, Jester." Her face dropped to their hands and she laid her cheek along the back of his hand.

He didn't realize until he was at camp and staring into the fire, that she hadn't answered his first question.


Can you share yet, Jester? The words haunted him late past night and into the morning.


Quad and Shaeeah

Quad was sitting in one of the trees in the front yard. Chopper had deserted it for Saria's company at the thermal pool again. It had a good view and was comfortable. Quad was sitting a bit higher than Chopper's spot, almost hidden by leafy branches. Quad could see some of his brothers playing a game of chase with Jek and Barin, though Barin was more interested in chasing the light bugs that had started coming out. It didn't matter to the troopers, some of whom were helping him catch them. Kayl was sitting on the porch, eager to join, but forbidden even the soft chase game played by Barin. Although he could walk, Saria was concerned about his femur.

Sketch was on the porch also, his ankle and foot carefully wrapped and supported on a bench. The blanket was wrapped around the hot towels on his knee. He'd had the surgery yesterday and his foot, or at least the very tips of his toes, were in the normal position of a foot. Quad smiled at that. They'd said he wouldn't be able to walk until the knee was done, but the ankle was a start.

Shaeeah came out to ask Sketch something, probably if he needed another glass of juice or blue milk or any more dinner or stylus and flimsi pages for drawing or a blanket. Smiling, Sketch shook his head and Shaeeah gave him a quick hug then moved into the yard. The women delighted in spoiling Sketch.

As though guided by a magnet, Shaeeah came to the tree and glanced up with a smile. Her smile widened as she saw Quad. He smiled shyly back.

She wasn't as agile a climber as her brother or any of the troopers, but Quad saw she was familiar with the branches. As she got closer to him, he tentatively held out his hand for her and pulled her to his branch. It was a thick branch, but not quite enough for two people to sit side by side on it. He started to move, but her voice stopped him.

"Please stay there, Quad." She took a slightly different branch, her legs swinging softly at the level of his hips.

They didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. She had touched him intimately, stroking him until ... He stopped that line of thought; he'd get hard and tent his pants. A more selfish part of his brain wondered what she would do then. When she spoke, her voice was a quiet whisper.

"I've been thinking about what happened the other day. What I did. I didn't give you much choice. I want to say I'm sorry." She bowed her head and inspected the bark of the tree.

"Please don't be sorry. It was …" he thought and reached his hand toward her, but pulled it back. "It was the most pleasure I've ever had in my life."

"That makes me even sadder. You should have had a lot more pleasure."

He had nothing to say to that and so was silent again. Then his mind traveled along another path.

"Why did you do that?" he asked. He'd been wondering that ever since it happened.

"Curiosity." She said. "Isn't that cruel? I was simply curious about," she paused and blushed. "Men and…" She didn't finish her sentence.

"No. I understand that. I'm curious about women. I'm curious about so many things. I'm scare for reasons I don't understand and curiosity makes things less scary, easier to approach." He looked down, avoiding her eyes. He'd been a trooper, supposedly without fear. He'd been in battle. Nothing should be scary. He knew he was a coward.

Shaeeah nodded and thought a moment. "Right now, I'm curious how it would be to kiss you." She whispered in a tremulous voice. "I'm scared also, but want to kiss you."

His breathing tightened in his chest and he closed his eyes. He could feel himself getting hard. She must have taken his silence for yes though he didn't know if it was or not. She slid to his branch; he could feel her feet on one side of him. He opened his eyes, holding out his hand so she didn't slip. She bent her knees, but he let one leg slide off the branch to give her room. She sat with both legs on one side of the branch, slightly sideways to him, shyly glancing up at him.

She leaned against his chest and his arm came around her shoulders, his other arm rested lightly on her legs. She smiled and relaxed even more, one hand on his arm. His arms trembled.

She felt good in his arms and he leaned forward a little bit, softly nuzzling her face, breathing her scent. He smiled and closed his eyes. He dared a small kiss on her lekku. She dared a small kiss on his jaw. She leaned her head against his chest. He gave her another small kiss on the top of her head.

"I like the sound of your heart." She whispered.

"It's fast right now. Holding you is making it fast." He whispered back. He shifted, pulling her closer, but with open arms in case she wanted to leave. She gasped as she felt him against her leg. He wasn't hard, not really, just sort of interested. She twisted slightly, putting her hands on his chest. Her face was down and her own breathing was fast.

"Quad," she whispered, not sure what to say. One of her hands crept up to his face. He bent his face to her hand, softly kissing her fingers.

"I can't kiss you any more than that, Shaeeah. I just can't." He whispered in her ear. "You'll have to lead if you want a kiss …."

"I do, Quad. I want to kiss you." She tilted her head up and pressed her lips against his. He moaned into her mouth and she could feel him thicken at the side of her leg. His mouth was moist, warm and Shaeeah softly licked his lower lip. She tasted him; the salty richness of the bantha steak, the sweet goldenfruit, he'd eaten after dinner, some richness that was totally Quad. As softly and hesitantly, his tongue slipped along her bottom lip, she touched his exploring tongue with hers. He shivered. Both her hands held his face now, softly exploring his mouth with her lips and tongue. She leaned into his shoulder and his face followed hers. His arms held her strongly, but loosely. He gave her small kisses, on her face, on her lekku which caused warm waves to ripple in her body.

"May I touch you, Quad." She asked solemnly. He nodded.

"As I said the other day, anything." He said softly.

Her hand reached down between them, into the waist of his pants and she clumsily drew out little brother. She felt, once again, it's velvety smoothness, it's firmness, it's tension. This time she looked and saw him in the silver moonlight.

This time, she watched as she explored him with her fingers. Sometimes she watched little brother as it twitched or expanded under her fingers. Sometimes she watched his face. As she stroked him harder, Shaeeah concentrated more on his face.

"Please, Shaeeah…" his voice quivered and she smiled, delighted to hear some delicious note in his voice. She reached up, put her hand to his cheek and guided him to her lips. She kissed him, touching his tongue, teasing his lips with her own. Quad shivered. He'd never dreamed that kisses could be so tantalizing. Her other hand stroked him, squeezed him with her fingers. His hands came up, his fingers shook as he took her face into his hands, holding her for his mouth and lips and tongue to play with her. He breathed hard as he kissed her, slipped his tongue into her mouth. He held her while both her hands now played with his hardness.

Quad gave a whimpering cry that Shaeeah swallowed into the kiss and his body relaxed onto hers. His breathing was hard, but becoming normal. He leaned back into the branch of the tree, tears in his eyes. She caught the tears and her own expression was worried.

"Quad?"

He shook his head as he tucked himself back into his pants. He brushed off her shirt.

"I'm sorry, Shaeeah." His fingers stroked her face. "I will do anything for you. But this is wrong. You're thirteen and I'm thirty-two. One of the younger ones, but still too old."

"I'm almost fourteen, Quad. In a couple of days. And you're sixteen." She put her hand on his face, touching a tear. "And you haven't had the chance to live in most of those sixteen years." She whispered then kissed him on his lips.