Sub-Episode 1:
"Steve Morrison's Life-Shares"
Life-Share 1:
Steve Morrison and the Honey Badgers in "Heart Level Zero"
October 7, 2003, CWCville east side, East Sun Cafe
"Okay, so then…get this…then I said, 'No, I'm going to finish this thing all by myself, you know?" Al laughed dazedly and sipped at his glass. "Is…it's some kinda…field guide to killing the little bastards, am I right? I mean, you…y'guys know wha…"
Zoey narrowed her eyes at him from across the table. "Al, just how much did you 'sample' before we left?"
"Ah, leave him alone, Zo," chuckled Steve, who by now was having minor difficulties telling the difference between the tabletop and his plate of crab rangoon, spareribs, and General Tso's. So far, he'd managed to paint most of the woodwork in sweet-and-sour sauce. "Al, listen…the thing, it's…it's gotta be finished, you know, for…publicity and all. Hell, I'll write the rest if you'll let me. You taught me everyth…hey Kuri, you gonna eat that eggroll?"
"Go nuts." Kuri speared the object of Steve's desire on a single chopstick and passed it over to his plate. "Guys, listen, lay off the booze. We're on assignment here."
"Relax, Jexis has us covered, right?"
"Huh?" The medic glanced up from the enormous pile of pork lo mein she'd been demolishing.
"Exactly." Steve finally managed to snare a piece of chicken between his chopsticks. "What y'need to do, Kuri, is to lighten up. Eat something that…isn't a feral for once. I swear, you're addicted to those things. D'you even knows how m…how much fat there is in a single…ow! Ow! Hey!" The squad leader covered his face as a hail of incoming fortune cookies pelted him. "All right, all right, I never called you fat! Cease and desist! AAGH!"
Jexis rolled her eyes and resumed vacuuming up her noodles.
"So tell us again why you're having us do surveillance from inside a Chinese restaurant, right out in the open where anyone can identify us?" asked Jake.
"Sometimes you just…gotta go with the ways of fate," Al murmured through a haze of rice wine and Bailey's. "That, and the buffet was half price today. This…this whole Sweetheart from the Ground-Up event's makin' 'em all go…go…" The Legend's voice trailed off. So had his train of thought.
"It's just…horrific." Zoey's eyes narrowed in cold anger. "That fat disgusting bastard. Mary'd better be sure this thing's gonna work, 'cause if not, I'll fuckin' do it myself."
Steve pointed a chopstick at his second-in-command and raised an eyebrow. "Bad idea, Zo. Fools might rush in, but complete idiots rush in and get captured by a psychotic man-child who would love nothing less than to…"
Kuri reached across, grabbed the eggroll, and stuffed it right into Steve's mouth. "We're trying to eat here too, you know."
"Nnnsubuhrdunsshnnhnhuhn…" The Jerkop quickly chewed and swallowed the delicious fried wrap. "Insubordination in the line of duty, plus assaulting a senior officer. Ten lashes. Jexis?"
The medic shrugged and grabbed a long noodle from her plate, cracking it in her fingers like a whip. "Sorry, Kuri. Orders."
Whap! Whap! Whap!
"HEY!"
"Uh oh." Zoey motioned to the front of the restaurant. "Cut the chatter, we got company."
"Bring 'em on. More's the merrier…" slurred Al. "Hey, get Helen back here, will you Jake?"
Jake hesitated, then began waving to their hostess. Walking through the front door was a group of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon – two Sonichus and a Rosechu. All were of the generic yellow-and-pink males looked to be EHPF officers, judging by their flak jackets, badges, portable radios, and combat boots.
And they were heading straight for the Honey Badgers' booth.
Helen arrived at last. A nervous smile spread across her face as soon as she noticed her three new customers.
"With you in a moment," she called out in heavily Chinese-accented English. "Can I get more drink for you, Mister Albert?"
"Another bottle would be just great, Helen." Al suppressed a hiccup. "'Scuse me. Steve, didn't you need a knife?"
"What? Oh yeah, I'm just having a problem cutting these ribs. They're a bit tough."
Helen smiled. "I'm very sorry - I tell them, cook the ribs more next time. So I get you better knife, and more wine for you, Mister Albert."
"Thank you, Helen." Al turned back to his teammates as the three chus drew closer. "Everyone stay cool. Steve and I will handle this."
Zoey frowned. "Are you sure you…"
"Of course I'm not," replied Al. "I'm halfway to a coma right now and Steve…well, he looks like he's falling asleep. Cover us if it doesn't work out."
"Am not sleepy." Steve let out a loud yawn and covered his mouth.
The two EHPF officers stopped in front of the booth and surveyed its occupants with barely-concealed distaste. Behind them, the Rosechu let out a vapid giggle, just as she'd been bred to do in situations like these. After two bites of broccoli here, she'd go for a long shopping spree at the nearby Target and then maybe one of these handsome Sonichus might want to take her home to administer a few well-earned fuzzy-wuzzies. Not both at once, though. That would be too homo.
"I.D." growled the foremost Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, and held out a gloved hand.
"Hey, we're eating," grunted Al. At this stage of his intoxication, it was amazing he could string words together, let alone argue with the chus. "Piss off, spiky. I'm not even halfway drunk."
"You're disobeying the law of our generous Mayor," the other officer answered smugly. "Identify yourselves, or we will treat y'all as dirty, scheming trolls."
"Hang on…" The first Sonichu examined Zoey, then pointed to Jexis. "You. Blondie. How old are you?"
Jexis put on her best "schoolgirl" voice. "I'm fourteen, mister. Please don't tell my Daddy I'm out with strangers."
"Shut it. You're too young anyway. And you're over the limit," the chu said dismissively to Zoey. He turned to Kuri. "But you…you're comin' with us. All boyfriend-free girls in the district who fit the Mayor's criteria must report to…"
"I'm her boyfriend, asswipe," growled Steve, and grabbed her hand. "Back off."
Kuri played right along with the ruse and gave her squad leader a little hug. Jerkops always looked after each other during the Sweetheart from the Ground-Up selections, and right now, she was in serious danger.
"Nope. Not buyin' it," chuckled the Sonichu. He reached out and tapped the operative's hairband. "Come on, horny, let's go. Y'all remember to stay straight. Zed, call processing and tell 'em we got a…"
"HEY!" Al whirled around. "Lissen, forgive my daughter's fiancée, he an' I don't usually get along, but I'll vouch for 'im. He treats my lil' princess well, he does…"
"I said, come on." The EHPF officer grabbed Kuri by her arm.
"Hey, let's all have another glass first," Jake suggested as Helen arrived bearing a fresh bottle of rice wine for Al and a serrated knife for Steve.
"I get what you ask for, Mister Albert and Steve," the hostess announced, placing her tray on the table. She turned to the chus. "Would you gentlemen and lady like table or booth?"
"Fuck off, you slanty-eyed chink bitch," growled the second Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.
"Thanks, Helen." Without another word, Al seized the wine bottle from the tray and smashed it as hard as he could into Zed's face.
CRACK!
"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!" screamed the Sonichu as the bottle shattered, breaking his nose and jaw in one blow. Blood, rice wine, and pieces of dislodged teeth flew in all directions from the point of impact, splashing and scattering across the table and carpet. Shards of jagged glass slashed through Zed's face in a dozen places, tearing one cheek into a mess of fleshy ribbons. A fierce blow from the Jerkop leader's padded elbow hammered the sharp fragments in even further, prompting a fresh roar of agony from the lacerated chu.
Wasting no time, Al drew back the broken chunk of glass and lunged forward, burying the jagged edges deep into his victim's throat. The Electric Hedgehog Pokémon fell with a choking gurgle, his life spraying out all over the restaurant, his fellow officer, and the screaming Rosechu.
"Eat it, fucker," spat the Legend.
"ZED!" bellowed the other Sonichu, but before it could even warm up a charge, Steve had already leapt to his feet. Snatching up the serrated knife in one hand, he plunged the blade right through the EHPF officer's eyeball and into the frontal lobe of its brain. With his other hand, the Jerkop grabbed the chu around its throat and began sawing back and forth ferociously, twisting the knife around until he'd sliced a vertical incision straight through the Sonichu's skull. When he was finished, there wasn't much left of the right side of its brain except a handful of grey slimy scraps of meat.
"Zed's dead, Sparky," Steve hissed, and disgustedly kicked the convulsing chu to the floor. Kuri leaned down and stabbed it in the other eye with a chopstick, just in case.
"EEEEEEEEEEEE!" shrieked the Rosechu, and turned to run for the door. Jake's outstretched fist was already waiting for her.
WHAM! The Electric Hedgehog Pokémon fell poleaxed, silently screaming in pain as she clutched her broken nose. Zoey quickly picked the struggling chu up, pinned her arms behind her back, and turned to the now-terrified Helen.
"My commanding officer would like to know - could we borrow your deep-fryer for a few minutes?" asked Steve as he turned back to his General Tso's. "Bring us the check, too."
Al chuckled softly and reached under the table for his mask. "I love this job."
Fifteen minutes later, CWCville east side, Anne Boleyn Memorial Plaza
"Honey Badger Lead One, Slumberland Control. We just got a report of something going down in a Chinese res…"
"Yeah, that was us, Slumberland," Al replied into his radio between sips of Smirnoff. "Couple of Sparkers got a little too curious. Don't worry, we covered our tracks. Over."
"Goddamn it, Ledger, please tell me you didn't pull another microwave stunt. The guys who run Ricardo's still aren't answering our calls, over."
"Negative on the microwave. We're in position, and I've got two teams on the ground: Morrison's and Francesca's. Tatsuno's with me, over."
"Good. Once Walsh starts the diversion, have your Jerkops take down the fourth truck. We've already got the other teams lined up, and extraction is standing by. Remember, no collateral kills. Over."
Al shook his head in disgust. "You don't have to say that twice. Out." He clipped the radio to his belt. "Okay Kuri, draw me a picture."
Over on the fire escape, the young woman swept her binoculars back and forth across the crowded plaza, taking in the entire appalling sight. Chandler's huge neon Attraction Sign hung suspended from a construction crane at the north corner behind a large elevated presentation stage, swaying and flashing in the air as it displayed the mayor's sickening Sweetheart from the Ground-Up requirements for all to see.
21 AND SINGLE WHITE MALE
-Shy –Smart –Young at Heart –Computer skilled
-Humorous –A great thinker and go-getter –"Natural salesperson" –Enjoys good parts of life
-Diplomatic –Friendly –Loves his family –Peaceful –Very creative –He's lonely
…Seeking a CUTE 18-21 SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION
*18-21 years of age *Does not already have a boyfriend *Single
-Average to Slender Weight/Body Type –White –Lives in CWCville area
-Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol –Happy, Positive Personality
-Average/High Income –Drives a vehicle
If any MEN read this huge sign…
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
(And to all men with girlfriends, except marrieds and blacks, go jump off a cliff)
Have a nice day.
"Are you kidding me?" Kuri made a noise somewhere between a sigh of despair and a cat being strangled. "And Mary said he wore a smaller version of that thing around his neck in college? No wonder he's still a virgin."
"Virgin with rage," Al corrected her. "And keep in mind - that rage is why we're here today. We're finally going to put a stop to this horrible event."
"What do they…what do they even do with the women who fit the criteria?" asked Kuri with a shudder of revulsion. She reached up and adjusted her horned hairband – something she only did whenever she was anxious or uncertain.
"We've heard rumors, but I've never seen the process myself," explained Al. "I don't think Chandler rapes them – say what you will about the man, but he hasn't fallen quite that far…yet. Shed a tear for Steve and the others if you must, though." The Legend downed another mouthful of vodka and swirled it around in his mouth. He smiled with barely-concealed pity. "If Chandler's been doing what I think he's been doing, they're gonna need some serious brain bleach after we're done here."
"'Zed's dead, Sparky?'" scoffed Jexis as she pushed her way through the tightly-packed crowd toward the central stage where Chandler or one of his cronies would be making their address. "Was 'Hasta la vista, Sparky?' taken already? Geez, at least try and make up your own lines."
"Hey, the opportunity presented itself, and I made the most of it. How many more times do you think I'm ever gonna have the chance to kill another Zed?" Steve held up his thumb and forefinger in a circle. "Come on, admit it. You were at least a little impressed."
"Okay, fine, that was actually pretty awesome," conceded the teenager. "Al's was better, though."
"No argument here." Steve hiked up the straps of his backpack and shuddered. "That sound it made when he…ugh. I still don't get why Kuri turned down a perfectly good fried Rosechu face, though."
"She only eats the babies. Says the adult chus are too gamey."
"Well, she'd be the one to know," chuckled Steve. "All things considered, that girl cooks up a damn fine feral."
Jexis stuck out her tongue and winced. "I just don't like the idea of eating them. It feels…dirty."
"It's a sacrifice we all have to make sometimes," the Jerkop explained. "There's only a few restaurants left in CWCville who'll serve us, and I'm pretty sure Helen just banned all of us after that little incident."
"What makes you so sure? The staff didn't seem to mind. Hell, they volunteered to clean up after us!"
"Yeah, that's true. I still think we ought to stay away from East Sun for a few weeks, though. How does Thai sound for next Saturday?"
"Allie's gonna love that," remarked Jexis.
"Okay, serious time now." Steve double-checked his belt to make sure his revolver and kukri were still within reach and out of sight. It was a chilly fall day, and his light grey trench coat wasn't exactly suspicious this time of year. Jexis had opted for a white hooded sweatshirt with a red cross on the back – simple, practical, and big enough to conceal the two pistols she'd strapped to her waist.
"Do we have to?" The young medic rarely ventured into high-risk areas without the rest of her squad. She was the type of person who preferred to run in behind Serge or another big person with a big gun. "I mean, do we really, really have to go right in there?"
Steve gave her a sad smile. "In short, yes. In long…very yes."
The two Jerkops had nearly reached the main stage by now. Behind it, six large cargo containers with the logo "CWC-Delivery" on their sides had been set up, each resting on top of a single flatbed truck that would soon carry a new load of boyfriend-free girls through the city and across the suburbs to the CWCville Shopping Center, where they then would await Chandler's dreaded, extremely personal inspection.
"Can you see any of them?" Jexis murmured in the tall Jerkop's ear.
Steve shook his head. "No, they keep the women in those big containers for processing. I've heard stories…just…just remember that we're going to make their lives a whole lot better after today. Don't think about it, just concentrate on the mission."
The medic nodded, but Steve could still see the hesitation in her eyes. Right now, that was the last thing he needed from the only member of his team with any kind of EMT training. Sometimes he wondered whether Amanda was right when she kept saying the girl was too young for war.
"Hey, it's all right," he said comfortingly, patting Jexis on the head. "Just follow me, and don't worry. I'll go in first if it'll make you…"
"Uh, dis is Christian Weston Chandler, speaking to all tha…to all tha TRUE and LOYAL citizens, of CWCville, my CWCitizens."
"Ah, balls," finished Steve as the Attraction Sign blinked off and was replaced with a huge blurry live image of Mayor Chandler in his office, surrounded by what looked like the aftermath of a tornado that had cut through both a Toys R Us and a first-grade art class. Chandler's smug eyes (one blue, one slightly greenish blue) leered down creepily into the audience he couldn't see, as if he were looking instead at the six truckloads of young, pretty women who were about to be delivered right to his doorstep.
"I…I invite y'all ta share in dis…tha momentous day when my own Love Quest will finally re…reach its end…"
"Also known as the day you die," Jexis snickered. Steve nearly burst out laughing himself and had to cover his mouth with his hand to hold it in.
"…an' tha day when I, autistic virgin though I may be…will finally get that which, that which I have earned after enduring so many JERKS and so much STRESS!" Chris let out a short, annoying sigh. "Bu…but dis year with my TRUE and ORIGINAL friends and creations Sonichu and Rosechu an…an' tha Chaotic Combo at my side, I will…I can finally disprove the hateful an' slanderous lie that 'Virginia is for Virgins!"
Steve and Jexis looked at each other and shrugged. Where had that particular slogan come from?
"So I urge y'all to also celebrate my new Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, whoever she is," Chris finished dismissively. "An' remember ta stay TRUE, HONEST, and STRAIGHT."
The screen switched back to the Attraction Sign, and Chandler's sweaty face disappeared. To say the crowd was relieved would be a major understatement.
"All units, Heartbreaker," Jason Kendrick Howell's voice growled through Steve's earpiece. "I say again, Heartbreaker is in effect. Stand by for Stage Two."
"Okay, go time, Cadet," ordered the Jerkop squad leader as he flipped back the straps on both his kukri sheath and belt holster. "Remember, don't start shooting until Wal-"
BOOM!
Mary Lee Walsh's jetboard shrieked by overhead, followed by a flash of white light and a colossal blast as the Attraction Sign flew apart in an explosion of circuitry, metal, glass, and fire. The loyalist mercenaries and EHPF officers on the stage sprinted for cover as the entire screen snapped free of its crane hoist and plummeted earthward, smashing straight into the exhibition platform.
CRASH! Blazing wooden planks, steel beams, and bits of crushed glass sprayed out across the plaza in a fountain of pure destruction, pelting the surrounding buildings with debris and sending the crowd scattering for cover. The sabotage had been enacted with deadly precision, though, and Mary Lee Walsh had planned it out to the letter. Not a single civilian was inside the blast radius when the Attraction Sign hit the ground.
The two Jerkops each withdrew a pair of ski goggles and a dust mask from their backpacks and strapped them on simultaneously. Seconds later, they were swallowed up by the expanding cloud of smoke and debris. Across the plaza, the first few gunshots began to sound.
"Blue Six-Sigma! Blue Six-Sigma!" a voice croaked from up on the stage. "Situation's been compromised! Call in air support; we need Angelica after that witch and…OH GOD NO!"
Crunch!
Steve looked up to see a slender figure with bleached-blonde hair, green-trimmed body armor, and a gas mask delivering a quick and lethal curb-stomp to the obscured mercenary. He smiled. Always first blood…that's Emily, all right. If there was one group of Jerkops he didn't need to worry about, it was the Picklemen.
"Will you hate me if I rip off two more awesome movie quotes in the next ten seconds?" Steve murmured through his mask as his coat fluttered open in the sudden wind.
"If it's awesome enough, and if it's the last one today, then go nuts," replied Jexis.
"Then I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass," snarled Steve as he unsheathed his kukri in one fluid movement. With his other hand, he grabbed his Colt Python and cocked back the hammer, Clint Eastwood-style. "And this is my boomstick."
"Whatever you say, Ash Nukem." Unzipping her sweatshirt, the teenager drew both of her pistols and spun them on her fingers. "Hey, I actually did it this time! Awesome!"
"Straight to the fourth container, breach and clear the bay door," said Steve. "Now let's go break Chandler's heart."
"CONTACT!" shouted Zoey, diving behind a twisted mass of steel supports as a loyalist mercenary swung around and raised his MP5 to fire. The SMG rounds zipped past and rebounded off the makeshift barricade, but failed to penetrate. Another two chattering bursts pelted into the plaza floor, kicking up tiny pieces of rubble where they impacted on the concrete.
Jake slid in beside her, shotgun in hand, panting and covered in a fine layer of dust.
"They picked themselves back up pretty fuckin' quick!" he yelled. "Did you see Steve or Jexis?"
Zoey winced as another shot dinged off a beam two feet from her head. "No! We don't have time for a shootout like this – unload on that asshole!"
"Gladly," growled Jake, and leapt up without hesitation.
BANG! BANG! Two blasts from the Jerkop's shotgun sent the mercenary scurrying for cover. Zoey clutched her AK-47 in one hand and vaulted over the twisted metal shield, praying the loyalist wouldn't try and…
More bullets snapped and hissed through the air, closer than ever now. The woman cursed and fired off a couple of three-round bursts, forcing her attackers back down. The dust cloud was beginning to clear, but until then, they had to take out the mercs with eye protection as quickly as possible in order for Steve and Jexis to reach the trucks in one piece.
The familiar crack of Steve's revolver echoed across the plaza-turned-battlefield. Through the dust and smoke, Zoey could see a pair of figures running for the line of cargo containers and trucks. Jexis was bringing up the rear, her dual pistols blazing away at anything in sight.
Well, at least Jake and I drew most of the attention, thought Zoey with relief, and lifted the AK's sight up to eye level. Targeting the closest EHPF officer, she squeezed the trigger and smirked in satisfaction as the chu collapsed with a ragged hole in his skull. She liked to pretend each one she killed was the original Sonichu. Zap this to the extreme, you yellow bastard.
"Al, get Matt out here," she spat into the radio clipped to her shoulder. "We're done. It's all up to Morrison and the medic now."
"I thought Walsh said there were only like five or ten mercs!" Steve shouted as he hoisted Jexis up onto the rear of the flatbed truck.
"There…are…only five or ten," gasped the medic, fighting for breath. "Per truck."
"Aw, son of a…" Steve edged his way along the side of the cargo container, feeling for a door with the back of his hand. "I can't see a thing. If we wait for it to clear up, we'll be exposed. Get ready to breach."
Jexis looked confused. "Breach with what?"
"Just don't kill him." Spinning his kukri around, Steve slammed the hilt three times against the back of the container. A hollow booming echo reverberated through the truck.
"What squad are you with?" a muffled voice yelled from inside the container.
"JUST OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" screamed the Jerkop, and winked at Jexis. "WE'RE GETTING SLAUGHTERED OUT HERE!"
The door flew open, revealing a man in a white lab coat.
"All right, get in h-" he began, but was quickly silenced when Jexis pressed a pistol against his forehead.
"What's your name?" Steve asked quietly.
"Paul Miles."
"Do you have a family, Paul?"
The technician nodded. His eyes were wide with terror.
"How many guards inside?" asked the Jerkop, grabbing Paul by the front of his coat.
"None…only…only a few techs and sorters," gasped the man. "Jesus, please don't kill me!"
"Get out of here as fast as you can." Steve ordered, and shoved him off of the flatbed. Paul hit the ground hard, but quickly leapt up, unhurt. He hesitated for a few seconds, then dashed off across the plaza. Seconds later, the sound of an igniting diesel engine filled the air. The truck rumbled.
Steve glanced back at Jexis. "That's our cue. No matter what you see in there, just keep moving."
The medic swallowed nervously and readied her pistols. "Let's do this."
One after the other, the two Jerkops edged around the doorway and plunged on ahead, into the darkness of Sweetheart Transport Four.
"Right, they're in," reported Kuri, stowing her binoculars. "Matt's going to pick us up first, right?"
Al shook his head. "He'll be closer to Zoey's team from the plaza. We'll exfil once he picks up her and Jake. Let's go."
Zoey snarled and jammed her last magazine up into the AK's breech. These loyalist mercs were really pissing her off now. Not only were they incredibly hard to hit, but they seemed to be everywhere, and what's more, they were actually pretty damn dangerous at a distance. Three bullets had almost grazed her already, and she'd only killed a single chu and possibly wounded two mercenaries.
Jackie had lost two of her Tomgirls already, and the remaining Spikes of Blue had been forced to pull back after blowing out their target truck's tires. Having already secured and rescued all of the prisoners in their truck, the Picklemen were now helping as many other Jerkop squads as they could. Someone had once said the safest place in CWCville was always the one protected by Emily and her squad, and right now, Zoey was finding that easier and easier to believe.
"Where did he find these guys?" Jake shouted as he unleashed another barrage of buckshot over the remnants of Chandler's Attraction Sign. Judging by the yell of pain, the Jerkop had at least hit something.
"Bob Chandler's legacy," gasped Zoey. "Wanted his son to rule CWCville with an iron fist, ended up with a fat autistic man-child. Mix that with a private army and we all get screwed."
"Wish he'd come back out of retirement…see what his little Chris turned the place into." Jake slid a handful of shells into his shotgun and wrenched the slide back and forth. "Argh! GET IN THERE!"
A flurry of SMG rounds ricocheted off the top of the Sign fragment, clipping off a hunk of glass and electronics.
"You've got to be kidding." Zoey groaned in despair. "Al! Al, get Matt on the line! Tell him we're gonna get torn to pieces if he doesn't…"
CRASH!
Zoey and Jake spun around in panic as something huge, yellow, and armored plowed right through a pile of blazing wood behind them and screeched to a halt. A familiar horn honked twice before being interrupted by the deafening crack-crack-crack of a .50 caliber machine gun mounted to the side of the weaponized school bus.
"All aboard!" Matt's voice crackled through the radio.
"PVCC! PVCC! Get your hands where we can…" Steve's yell trailed off as he stormed into the Sweetheart Transport with Jexis at his side. "Son of a… This has gotta be pre-processing."
The small room was empty but for a large pile of what looked like scraps of garbage and several stacks of documents and folders lying on a table set into the wall. Steve lowered his revolver, sheathed his kukri, and stepped over to examine the papers.
"Shipping schedules…ETDs…totally useless," he growled, shuffling the papers around furiously. "Layout! Where's the processor room layout?"
"Steve?"
"Come on, it's gotta be…subject data? Eligibility? What the fuck is all this?"
"Steve!"
"Yeah? Did you find it?" The Jerkop looked up to see his cadet kneeling by the large pile, sorting through it with her hands. "Wait…what's that? Spare fabric?"
"They're…" Jexis's voice trembled as she held up a small black lacy triangle. "They're clothes, Steve. Women's clothes."
Realization dawned on Steve with the force of a sixteen-ton weight crashing down upon an unsuspecting victim. "Sweethearts from the Ground-Up. Holy hell. Crystal."
"What? What are they doing?"
Steve hurried over, his eyes blazing with fury and understanding. "Chandler doesn't want to just get laid, Jexis. He could force that on any woman he wanted to. Why do you think the requirements are so specific? Why do you think he started this entire event? Why do you think he hasn't even bought a hooker yet? He wants a mother for his daughter."
The medic gasped. "You mean all these women are…"
"Being remade from the ground-up…to be ideal wives." Steve buried his face in his hands. "It all makes sense now. That egotistical bastard. He'll sort through them all and pick out a select few with genes that fit his plan for a perfect daughter. I don't know what he'll do then…torture, most likely. Brainwashing. Matt, Jake, and Allie said there was a sublevel network under the Shopping Center. Maybe that's where the chus came from as well."
"And what about the ones he doesn't pick?"
Steve laughed bitterly. "Use your imagination."
Jexis's eyes narrowed into steely slits. "That's it. We're hijacking this truck."
A ghost of a smile spread across the Jerkop's face. "That, Cadet, is why Al chose you for my squad. Come on."
Steve had never been one for subtlety. Raising a steel-toed boot, he kicked in the flimsy door and barged through to the next room. Jexis followed him in with both pistols at the ready.
"PVCC! PVC-AAAAGH!" he yelled, and dove for cover as a large heavy wrench hurtled toward his head. The airborne tool clipped him on the shoulder as it spun, but failed to cause any lasting damage outside of one very ugly, very discolored bruise.
"STEVE!" Jexis slid down to the floor beside her stunned squad leader, hurriedly checking him with one hand while her other kept a pistol aimed ahead. "You okay? Where'd it hit you?"
"I'm…ow…fine," groaned Steve, and rolled over onto his back. "Could you please go get him? I want to hit him with a wrench, see how he likes it."
The medic nodded and rose to her feet, searching for the telltale flash of a white lab coat in the dim light. She didn't know how many technicians were left, but these ones obviously weren't willing to give up as easily as Paul had.
"PVCC!" she called out through the cavernous processing room. "We're armed and we're taking this truck. Give yourselves up and no one gets hurt!"
There was no answer. Jexis scanned the room with her eyes, making note of any possible hiding places the techs might be using. This was obviously the main chamber. Three long lines of seven-foot high steel rectangular boxes stretched down the room – two rows on the sides and one down the middle. The medic could have sworn she heard muffled noises coming from some of them, but the truck was rumbling so much that it was nearly impossible to tell. At the far end, near the transition point between the container and the truck cockpit, was a large bank of what looked like giant flatscreens and computers.
Bingo. Jexis grinned and began creeping down the left aisle. The boxes flanked her on both sides like metal gravestones. She had a pretty good idea of what they held, but now wasn't the time to be thinking about things like that.
Footsteps sounded behind her. The medic whipped around just in time to evade a fierce downward strike from a metal shovel. The heavy tool clanged down harmlessly against the floor, but the attacking technician must have been expecting Jexis's dodge. Without hesitation, he quickly rushed forward and smashed the teenager across the jaw with his elbow.
Jexis yelled in pain and flung out an arm to break her fall. She slammed into one of the boxes forcefully, but was able to ignore the pain long enough to wisely duck her head down. The shovel's second blow caught a few of her hairs and put a heavy dent into the container's metal surface, but it was better than being decapitated or maimed.
"Quit…moving…you…little…BITCH!" snarled the tech, grappling madly at her face with his free hand.
It's just like training, it's just like training, Jexis thought frantically as she fought to parry the incoming assault. Her pistols were pretty much useless at such a close range. I'm just fighting Kuri or Matt. Get in there, I'm faster than this guy!
With a fierce yell, the girl ducked low, dropped a pistol, and charged, headbutting the man right in the soft part of his stomach. The two combatants slammed into another box, but this time, it was Jexis who had the upper hand.
Desperate times, she thought, and drove the muzzle of her remaining pistol as hard as she could directly into the most vulnerable spot on any man's body.
Crunch!
"Nice!" remarked Steve as he appeared from the opposite aisle, politely escorting another captured technician with his kukri. "My advice – lose one of the guns and keep your scalpel out next time. I know akimbo-style looks awesome, but I'm guessing you had a bit of trouble with that guy."
"No…no problem," panted Jexis. She let her passed-out victim crumple to the floor. "Was this…the one…you were talking about?"
Steve shook his head. "Nah, that would be Vic here. We had a nice little chat while you two were beating the living hell out of each other. Three down, one driver to go. Plus, Vic's kindly agreed to give us a hand, isn't that right?" He pressed the kukri's razor edge a few millimeters further into the skin of the technician's throat.
Vic tried not to swallow. "Y-y-yes."
"Then we don't need this anymore." Steve withdrew the curved knife and sheathed it. "Jexis, keep a gun on him. Let's go see what's in these boxes."
Once they'd reached the computer bank at the end of the aisle, Steve forcefully shoved his captive away and quickly aimed the Python at Vic's head. "Right. Start typing and we might just let you off before we get to HQ."
"Y'know, I…I never liked this job," stuttered the technician as he keyed in a string of security codes. "I'd be happy to work for you guys if you'd…"
"I don't hear you unlocking those doors." Steve cocked the hammer back.
"Right, right." Vic typed a final command and hit Enter. "That's it. Security's cleared. You can open the cells now."
"Thanks," replied Steve, and whacked him across the face with the wrench. Vic was out cold before he hit the floor.
Jexis chuckled. "Let's give that to Matt when we get back."
"Good idea." Steve tossed her the wrench and slammed his fist down on a large red button beneath a sign that read "CONTAINMENT OVERRIDE." With a sharp hissing noise, the steel boxes unlocked and swung open to reveal their contents.
In their time as members of the PVCC, the two Jerkops had witnessed many of the horrors Chandler chose to inflict upon his own citizens. They'd seen protesters zapped to death by EHPF riot police, witnessed dozens of men and women snatched right out of their homes for the "crime" of being homosexual, and even watched helplessly as Angelica Rosechu, the "White Reaper," dealt out her unique form of punishment to the masses of "heathens" and "sinners" who dared question her new and harsh reforms to CWCville's official religion. They had heard stories of people starving in their own houses and apartments because of feral infestations. Kuri's entire family had died that very same way. They had been present for dozens of public executions carried out by the Chaotic Combo or one of Chandler's allies. They'd seen the bodies in the streets. They'd seen the dying children. They'd seen their city fall to pieces before their eyes.
And yet somehow, what they saw inside those boxes was enough to make every single one of the aforementioned atrocities look like mere acts of logical civil discipline.
Over ninety women, all between the ages of 18 and 21, had been suspended in each cell, chained by their wrists and ankles to the top and bottom of the steel containers. Except for a duct tape gag across their mouths and a hastily-stenciled identification number on their foreheads, all were naked and covered in scratches and bruises from the brutal beatings they'd received during their apprehension. A few had even suffocated, and now hung limp and unmoving from the ceiling. The seventy or eighty who'd managed to stay alive looked as though they were on the verge of madness. Judging by the endless propaganda being blasted at them through speakers in each cell, a good two or three of them had already slipped over the edge.
"Christian Weston Chandler is your husband. A woman has three duties to her husband: cooking, cleaning, and sex. You will follow through on each of these duties with vigilance and enthusiasm. When not performing your duties as a wife, you will shop and talk on the phone. When you finally bear him a daughter, you will shoulder all responsibility for Crystal's upbringing. You will not resist. You will never say no. You are a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. Christian Weston Chan…"
BANG! BANG!
The voices ceased. Steve turned to see Jexis emptying her pistol into the console screen. The medic's face had twisted into an image of pure, undiluted loathing. Her eyes held only fire, and her voice held only hatred.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" she screamed, firing again and again into the sparking, wrecked control booth. Fragments of hot metal and glass exploded around her, but it was as if she felt nothing. When she finally let the gun drop from her numb fingers, she'd expended three full clips of ammunition. The console itself was beyond repair.
Steve's hands were shaking with fury, but something at the back of his head forced him to take a step forward into the closest cell. Holstering his revolver, he reached out, ripped off the duct tape from the hanging body, and gently touched the woman's cheek with the back of his hand.
There was no pulse…only cold skin.
"FUCK!" The Jerkop slammed his fist against the side of the cell. Bitter tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as he stumbled back out into the aisle, away from the dead prisoner. "WHY?"
Six truckloads…nearly six hundred innocent women taken in the prime of their lives, all bound for death or servitude, stripped of their dignity, their clothes, and their spirit - their freedom and sanity snatched away without a second thought by the will of a tyrant. Many of them probably had boyfriends after all. They all certainly had families. What had their parents been told? Did they know their daughters were now destined to become a zombie-wife to bear Chandler's prophesized child, or else be wiped from the record like so many other "vanished" citizens? And Kuri…if they'd taken her…or Allie…or Kacey or Megan or Jackie or Emily or…
"Steve?" Jexis's voice trembled. She sounded on the verge of a breakdown. Steve himself was doing everything he could to silence the thunder in his mind. As squad leader, he was expected to set an example for his operatives, but then again, he had never dealt with a situation of this magnitude before.
"Yeah, Jexis?"
"We…we should let them down…" The medic's voice sounded miles away, even though she was standing right in front of him. "I've got my kit…"
"Right." Steve drew his revolver and gave the cylinder a quick spin. "Follow me. We're bringing everyone home." Without another word, he turned and headed for the door. Jexis slid her last clip into the pistol, chambered a round, and hurried after her squad leader.
BANG! A quick shot from the Python punched a hole straight through the lock. The two operatives kicked the door open and were immediately greeted by a blast of hot exhaust from the truck. Judging by the scenery flying past outside, they were on the highway, and had traveled about halfway through the CWCville suburbs by now.
Steve dropped onto the flatbed and helped Jexis down as well. The truck cockpit was blocking most of the wind, but both Jerkops could clearly see a few yellow headspikes through the tiny, unreachable rear window. The drivers were EHPF. Figures. Chandler wouldn't trust the mercs to deliver such an important payload.
"Side entry!" he yelled over the howling wind. "Take the right!"
Jexis nodded and started inching her way around to the cockpit. Normally she might have protested such a dangerous maneuver, but the horrors she'd witnessed in Sweetheart Transport Four had temporarily killed any reluctance in her mind.
Holstering the Python, Steve gripped the exhaust pipe and swung himself out around the edge. Another one of the eighteen-wheelers roared past on the right lane, so close that the backwash nearly knocked the Jerkop clean off the truck. Steve's fingers throbbed with pain, but somehow he managed to hold on and press himself flat against the side. Now came the hard part – climbing over. He hoped Jexis's sudden burst of courage hadn't worn off yet.
A muffled blast sounded from the second truck's cargo container as the Jerkop squad inside breached their way out with explosives. Steve gritted his teeth and looked over his shoulder to see a pair of armed operatives emerge from the smoky darkness. One of them noticed him and waved, then pointed to the cockpit of their truck. Steve squinted. It looked as if the Jerkop were mouthing something…
Shoot the tires.
Steve cursed under his breath and reached for the Python. It was going to be a tricky shot, but as long as the trucks kept moving at the same speed, he might just be able to pop one. As for what would happen once the tire blew…well, he guessed the Jerkops over there had decided to leave that little detail up to fate. Hopefully the chus would slow down or try to stop.
Leveling the revolver, he exhaled and squeezed the trigger. The shot went wild and ricocheted harmlessly off the truck's chassis, leaving only a dent. Steve fired twice more, but couldn't see where they'd hit. He moved his aim a few millimeters ahead to compensate, then loosed off the last three bullets in the cylinder.
The front two tires exploded with a loud double pop, disintegrating into scraps of rubber. The fourth shot had pierced both at once. Steve heard a squeal of brakes as the truck skidded and slowed down, quickly disappearing behind its partner. It was all up to the other Jerkop squad now.
Eyes squeezed nearly shut against the wind, Steve stowed his revolver and climbed hand over hand along the truck. Every movement, no matter how small, was draining his energy. He had to get to the door…he had to get inside…
With a final lunge, the Jerkop hurled himself forward and smashed the handle of his Python into the window. The two chus inside yelled in surprise and recoiled as the glass shattered all over them, but even if they'd known he was coming, it would have already been too late. Grinning, Steve flipped his revolver around and opened fire at point-blank range. There was no way he could miss.
Click-click-click-click.
In the chaos, Steve had completely forgotten to reload. He reached for his kukri, but the driver was already charging up a deadly bolt of electricity…
BANG! BANG!
Steve yelled in terror and nearly lost his grip as a gush of warm blood splashed across his face. The chus collapsed simultaneously. Behind them, Jexis was hanging from the roof by one hand. Her other hand clutched a smoking pistol.
"Get in there and drive!" she screamed.
Seizing the dead chu around its neck, the Jerkop swung himself inside and shoved it out into the highway. It bounced a few times and rolled away into the distance. Steve quickly grabbed hold of the wheel as Jexis pushed the other EHPF officer out of the cockpit and slid into the seat beside him. Somehow, he managed to steer the entire truck out of its dangerous skid.
"You okay, Cadet?" he asked.
The medic nodded and wiped her brow. "I almost fell off a couple times. What were you shooting at?"
"Another shipment made it out of the plaza. I just helped out some friends in need." Steve wheeled the truck toward the nearest exit. "Let's get this back to Slumberland."
"Pull over. I'm gonna go back inside to free the Sweethearts. Some of them might be hurt."
"Good. Good." Steve nodded. "Yeah, I'll just…pull over here…Jexis, are you sure you're okay?"
"I am now," the girl replied. Her voice was still shaky, but determined. "If it's all right with you and Al, though, I think we're all gonna need a few days' break after we get home."
Steve let out a relieved chuckle and brought the truck to a full stop at the side of the road next to the highway. "No objections here. All right, Call HQ and tell 'em we're bringing the truck home."
"Roger that," said Jexis, and leapt out of the cockpit.
"Hey, one more thing!" Steve yelled out the window as the medic hurried off toward the transport container.
"Yeah?"
"Thai, right?"
Jexis grinned. "Thai."
THE END
Jerkop Squad Profile: The "Honey Badgers"
Commander/Tactician: Albert "The Legend" Ledger
Weapons of choice: Always something unexpectedly creative
Albert Ledger, better known as Al, first experienced combat when he served in a squad alongside Matthew Devoria in the Gulf War. After surviving three full tours across two conflicts and earning the rank of master sergeant, Ledger left the military to pursue a less stressful career as a construction worker in CWCville. During the chu takeover, he turned to alcohol to stave off his worries, but eventually was forced to quit his job. He was one of the first civilians to join the PVCC in 2000, and only one of six members back then who had any kind of formal military training. Mary Lee Walsh naturally gave him command of his own squad, which saw several incarnations before finally evolving into the Honey Badgers.
When not on a mission or giving orders to teams in the field, Ledger enjoys poker, whiskey, the occasional pipe, and metalworking. Over the years, he's accumulated a makeshift workshop of welding equipment and other necessities for forging new tools and armor. Given his love of the trade, he almost always wears a welding mask - both in and out of combat. It was Ledger who repaired the broken school bus which would eventually become the Battle Bus. As for other hobbies, he has been working on an extensively-researched guidebook covering the most efficient and most creative methods of exterminating Sonees and Roseys. He expects it to be a best-seller, especially in CWCville.
Squad Leader: Steven Morrison
Weapons of choice: P90, Colt Python revolver, kukri
A long time ago in a city far, far away from CWCville, a young boy named Steven Morrison set out to seek his fortune as a journalist. After spending three years on the road, writing for various newspapers and magazines across the region formerly known as Kanto, he applied for a steady job as a reporter for the Forum, the PVCC's official school news. After the attack on the Shopping Center, Morrison found himself alone once the college was closed down. As the Sonichu and Rosechu population began to grow, he sought a new job at the CWCville Times, but was rejected by direct order of the mayor for "helping those JERKS at the PVCC." Morrison struck back by writing for CWCville's more liberal newspapers. He was immediately blacklisted, but in 2001, Jason Kendrick Howell offered him a place in the resistance.
One year later, Morrison and Albert Ledger had formed the Honey Badgers Jerkop squad and were among the most active field agents in the PVCC. The many months of service had taken a heavy toll on his mind, though, and even though activity was limited to mere subterfuge at the time, the sheer number of atrocities he witnessed began to forge a deep hatred for chus in his mind. As the current squad leader of the Honey Badgers, Steve is half good-natured comrade, half cold-hearted destroyer. He often writes letters to his sister Tanya, but any other information concerning Morrison's family remains unknown.
Secondary Squad Leader/Support Gunner: Zoey Francesca
Weapons of choice: AK-47, 9mm pistol, SOG knife
One of the most loyal and aggressive operatives in the Honey Badgers, Zoey Francesca started, oddly enough, as an art major at the PVCC college. She was a kind, sweet-natured girl who loved long walks in the park and specialized in painting elaborate and beautiful scenes of clouds and sunsets. Unfortunately, she also happened to still be inside the building when Christian Weston Chandler ordered its demolition after temporarily disposing of Mary Lee Walsh.
The new Zoey that emerged from the ashes was a far cry from the sweet little art major she'd been for so many years. She lived in the slums of CWCville for a little over three years before Al and Steve picked her up on patrol. Armed with a Kalashnikov assault rifle and a fierce appetite for chaos and destruction, she loves long nights of hunting and specializes in painting CWCville's streets with the blood of juvenile and adult chus alike. As a very close friend of Steve Morrison's, Zoey's relationship with her squad leader has never been anything more than platonic, but she wouldn't have it any other way. Individually, she is a force to be reckoned with, but when paired with Steve, the two are nearly unstoppable. By his request, Zoey serves as a secondary squad leader, and will replace Steve if he is ever killed in action.
Sharpshooter: Nick Martinez
Weapons of choice: bolt-action scoped rifle, 9mm pistol, machete
Much of Nick Martinez's younger life remains unknown mostly due to a total lack of information, but it's safe to assume he grew up in a poor family somewhere in Baja California. At the age of eighteen, he applied for a job in the Mexican army and spent most of his young life battling drug cartels and gangs in Juarez, Tijuana, Mexico City, and other hotspots. He chose to retire at the age of thirty-three and used his military salary to buy a US citizenship, after which he moved to the region formerly known as Kanto to start a new life in Station Square. Nick is actually the only member of the Honey Badgers who joined as a mercenary, having survived the attack by Perfect Chaos in 1998.
After hearing of the PVCC's rise to power in CWCville, Nick moved into the city in 2001 and hunted down the resistance, offering his services as a sharpshooter. He was given a position in the Honey Badgers, but disliked the work at first, due to the fact that he had to report to Steve Morrison, who he viewed as too young and inexperienced. The two eventually warmed up to each other, but Nick remains highly critical of Steve's command. He is right at home in an urban environment, and is just as effective against chus as he is against loyalist mercenaries. To him, the uprising is, in its most basic form, just another way to earn some much-needed cash.
Demolitions Specialist: Amanda Taylor
Weapons of choice: Grenade launcher, C4 charges, 9mm pistol, SOG knife
As a black woman in CWCville, Amanda Taylor was destined for a hard life even before she learned to walk. Facing prejudice from the government under former mayor Robert Chandler, she nevertheless graduated high school, majored in chemistry at the PVCC, and held a job for five years as a construction worker. However, where Amanda truly excelled was the art of deconstructing buildings. Her employers decided that the best, safest, and cheapest way to remove any unwanted structure was to put her in charge of the demolition team, and Amanda quickly became a rising star in the highly respected industry of blowing shit up.
But like all good things, Amanda's job came to an end when Christian Weston Chandler succeeded his father as mayor. Suddenly, there was no more need for "people like her" to hold such a high status in CWCville, and the company was forced to let her go. When Albert Ledger appeared one night to offer her a new, much more entertaining job, she just couldn't refuse. Using her influence among her former employers, Amanda opened a supply line between the construction company and the PVCC, providing the Jerkops with plastic explosives and all sorts of heavy equipment. She now serves as the demolitions specialist for the Honey Badgers, and has gained recognition for inventing "The Baby Boomer," a clever new variety of IED.
Medic: Jexis the Cadet
Weapons of choice: MP5, 9mm pistol, scalpel
No one knows Jexis's last name, not even her. Born in a soup hotel to unknown parents, she was raised an orphan and given to a foster home once she turned four. Her foster father was a doctor, and influenced Jexis to take up a medical career once she entered college at the PVCC. Unfortunately, that dream ended at the age of sixteen when she ran away from home after a heated fight with her foster parents. In 2003, she eventually found her way – accidentally, of course - to the PVCC's Slumberland headquarters, and was offered a place to stay there. The administration originally didn't want her to be deployed in combat, but Albert Ledger convinced them that he needed a medic in the Honey Badgers, and thus, Jexis was inducted. She makes up for her lack of combat experience with a sharp mind, quick reflexes, and steady hands, as well as a wealth of medical knowledge and a healthy appetite to learn more.
Interrogator/Cook: Kuri Tatsuno
Weapons of choice: Butcher knife, 9mm pistol, 2x paring knives, tekko-kagi, hockey stick
Once, Kuri Tatsuno was an innocent young girl, filled with dreams of adventure. She left CWCville to embark on her own Pokémon journey and made her way to Mt. Coronet, where she captured her only Pokémon, a Lunatone, and gradually began to learn the skills necessary for survival in the vast wilderness of Kanto. Several years into the Chandler regime, after the chu takeover, Kuri received a distress call from her family. She returned home to discover that a single feral Sonee had been devouring all of the food in her house, and because her parents could not legally remove it, they and her two siblings had starved, becoming emaciated and mindless.
Furious, Kuri cooked the chu alive and ate it, but vengeance wouldn't bring back her family. She took to the streets, killing feral chus and living off of their meat for several months before Al and Steve found her and inducted her into the Honey Badgers. Kuri has now earned a reputation among her peers as "The Sonee Chef," due to her preference for cooking and eating the chu larvae she kills. The scars of her family's death remain, however, and her mind often flashes back and forth between the present and past. She will sometimes address her comrades as if she were speaking to her parents and siblings, and is also very protective of CWCville's oppressed human population. Before going on a mission, she covers her entire body with teal paint as a scare tactic. Interestingly enough, it works on both chus and humans alike with equal effect.
Flame Trooper: Alyssa (Allie) Parker
Weapons of choice: "Trogdor the Burninator," 9mm pistol, SOG knife
Alyssa (aka Allie) Parker's life has always seemed to revolve around fire. During high school, she got a job as a grill cook at the Burger King in the CWCville Shopping Center, and kept it for several years due to good business. When Chandler fired all of the mall cops (including Kevin, Jake, and Matt), Alyssa was left with a difficult choice – continue working in a place with zero security and numerous break-ins, or resign and seek a new career elsewhere. She eventually went with the latter out of fear. In the years that followed, Alyssa worked several jobs at the restaurants in downtown CWCville, but because the Mayor did not support these, they all soon went under. She had to resort to selling kebabs and hot dogs from a cart in the slum districts.
The PVCC picked her up in 2003, after her cart was destroyed by EHPF officers for "serving a promiscuous form of sausage that might result in wanton homosexuality." She suffered a major facial burn from a splash of hot oil during the sabotage. Matt and Jake requested that Alyssa be made a member of the Honey Badgers. After demonstrating an affinity for fire-based warfare, she was given the honor of carrying a special weapon – Al's homemade flamethrower which he affectionately named "Trogdor the Burninator" after the famous cartoon dragon. Ironically, her favorite foods are ice cream and sushi, though she absolutely loves spicy Thai as well.
Support Gunner: Serge Khitrovo
Weapons of choice: RPD, Makarov pistol, KA-BAR knife
A true-blooded Russian in every sense of the word, Serge emigrated to Kanto in 1992, after the collapse of the Soviet Union. A former Spetsnaz trooper, he quickly fell in with the Russian mob branches based in CWCville and participated in several major arms-smuggling jobs. Once the chus seized power under Chandler's new laws, many ridiculously strict gun control regulations were established and enforced by the EHPF, and all civilian-owned guns were confiscated. Faced with a dying business, Serge joined the PVCC in 2003 and brought many of his associates into the organization as well. Mary Lee Walsh and Jason Kendrick Howell were more than happy to accept a small army of furious, heavily-armed Russian mobsters, as well as several crates of RPDs, Kalashnikovs, various pistols and explosives, and enough ammunition to run a small war…which, oddly enough, was exactly the kind of thing the PVCC was gearing up for.
Serge is a big man with a big appetite (mostly for ham sandwiches) and big ambitions; therefore, out of all of the Honey Badgers, Al lets him wield the biggest guns. Serge's most notable downside is that he refuses to kill Sonees and Roseys, preferring "enemy who can give Serge good fight." As such, he only accompanies the squad on true combat assignments, or else sleeps in the Battle Bus until he's needed to provide fire support.
Scout/Radioman: Jake Linneman
Weapons of choice: Shotgun, 9mm pistol, metal baseball bat
Born and raised in CWCville, Jake Linneman attended the PVCC with his best friend Matthew Clark, and quickly earned an associate's degree in criminal justice. His dream of becoming an officer for the city police department began at the Shopping Center, where he served as a mall cop from 1996 to 1998. After Naitsirhc's attack and the arrival of the chus, Jake was fired along with Kevin Shaw, Matt, and many others. He kept in close contact with Matt during the years of CWCville's decline, and both men eventually received jobs as a Wal-Mart greeter and maintenance worker, respectively. The experience left him a bitter man, but the final straw came when a feral Rosey wandered into the store and began eating her way through the aisles. Jake and Matt killed it with a bucket of ammonia, and were placed under arrest by the EHPF. On their way to the station, the squad car was ambushed by the Honey Badgers. Steve Morrison immediately inducted the two into his squad.
Driver: Matthew Clark
Weapons of choice: Shotgun, 9mm pistol, wrench
Matthew Clark started out his post-college life as a pizza deliveryman, but quickly became dissatisfied with the job and decided to join the ranks of the CWCville Shopping Center mall cops. He became very good friends with Kevin Shaw after the arrival of the chus, but soon lost contact with him. He eventually met up with Jake Linneman, and both men applied for jobs at the CWCville Wal-Mart. Matt had always been good with maintenance work, so it was only natural that he received a job cleaning and fixing the store's heating, water, AC, and so on. After a nasty incident involving a Rosey and a bucket of ammonia, he and Jake were arrested, but were subsequently freed and inducted by the Honey Badgers. Given his experience with vehicles, Matt is the designated driver of the team, and is one of the only people who has earned Al's exclusive permission to drive the Battle Bus.
Rifleman: Kevin Shaw
Weapons of choice: AK-47, 9mm pistol, hunting knife
Kevin Shaw, the newest member of the Honey Badgers, is not nearly important enough to write a profile about…yet. Maybe someday, someone will chronicle his backstory. For now, he's only "the new guy."
Squad Mascot: Sugarplum Fury
Weapons of choice: Claws, teeth, uncaring attitude
The origin of this particular ratel, or honey badger, is one of life's great mysteries, but whatever her backstory was, it somehow led her to Kanto as an exotic pet on the black market. Being a honey badger, she promptly mauled her handlers and escaped into the streets of CWCville, where she survived for several months on the feral population of Sonees and Roseys. The group of PVCC resistance fighters under Al discovered her hiding in the slums, inside a little scrap metal den with dozens of tiny chu bones surrounding her. Though hostile at first, she was eventually tamed and became the symbol, the mascot, and the namesake of the Honey Badgers.
She was unknowingly christened by Al during a drunken fit later that day, who was listening to a bootleg CD of the entire Nutcracker Suite while playing poker against Steve. Sugarplum Fury ("Sugar" for short) is normally hostile to strangers, but over time, she has grown extremely loyal to Al, Steve, Zoey, and Nick. Once in a while, the squad may take her hunting to the inner city, then sic her on packs of ferals for their amusement. Sugar doesn't mind this at all.
Squad Transport: The Battle Bus
Weapons of choice: Spiked bumper, three .50 caliber machine guns, grenade launcher
Once a fully-operational school bus, this vehicle was abandoned in the slums of CWCville after the PVCC campus was abandoned. Early on, Al and a few Jerkop greenhorns discovered the bus's remnants and managed to tow the entire thing back to the warehouse they would eventually convert into a PVCC headquarters. Al eventually got it working again, though it took him nearly a year to do salvage all the necessary parts. With an overhauled engine, improved armor plating, and spiked tires, the newly-christened Battle Bus quickly became the perfect insertion and getaway vehicle for Jerkop squads.
In the end, a full three machine guns and a grenade launcher were stolen from loyalist mercenaries and mounted on four emplacements - three inside the bus and one on the roof. The machine guns cover the sides and rear, while the rooftop grenade turret has a full range of 360 degrees. Foes in the front must contend with the spiked bumper. Most of the interior has been treated with a layer of rubber to protect against chu electric attacks, but the Battle Bus remains vulnerable to mines, rockets, and other explosives. Matthew Clark is its designated driver.
