Warning: Contains death, strong suggestions of self injury, and all around dark themes. Be careful and stay safe :)
Beck's POV
Dr Thomas came out, the guy who had been treating her since day one, his face morbid "Beck, I'm so...so sorry." No, no, it can't be, she can't just give up like that, she can't.
"No." I shook my head.
"Son," the doctor placed his hand on my shoulder "it's okay."
"How can you say that? How is it okay?!" I shouted, I wasn't normally the type of guy to fire off at somebody, being an aspiring actor, I made it a point to have control of my emotions. That wasn't happening today, my whole world had gone.
"She tried, I can promise you that, her body took an awful lot, we didn't even think she was going to survive that third operation, remember?"
"Oh yeah, and how is THAT supposed to make me feel better, she's gone."
"We can put her on life support if you'd like, so you can say goodbye properly." He offered, it was tempting, but it was also unfair to Jade. After all it would just be an illusion anyway, just a cheap magic trick.
"No," I shook my head "no, I...it's selfish, I don't wanna keep her alive any longer than she has to, she doesn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of this."
"I'll have her body sent to the morgue then." He said respectfully, adding "After you've paid your final respects of course."
I walked slowly back into the room as her doctor tried to pull me back away, telling me I can't see her at the minute. I didn't care, I needed to see her now, I needed proof that she was gone.
"He shouldn't be here." I heard some grouchy nurse say fainting.
"Cut the kid a break," I heard Dr a Thomas say, I smiled inwardly for his kindness "go and get a coffee or something, I'll come and find you once he's said his goodbyes, okay?"
"This is most unprofessional, Dr Thomas,"
I heard the door open and close, I think the nurses have left. I was barely paying attention to them anyway though. My eyes were purely set on Jade as I stared at her, there she was, laying completely lifeless on the now flat bed.
Her black pyjama top with a grey bunny on top had been ripped in half and two orange plasticky panels laid on her chest. Her black cardigan was all matted with blood and her lips had already started to turn a greyish blue. There was an intubation tube in her mouth, but no oxygen attached, all her monitors had stopped. SHE had stopped.
I knelt down beside her, holding her hand in mine "please come back to me." I whispered into her fist, kissing her cold hands one last time.
"I'll leave you two alone." Her doctor offered, about to leave the room.
"What happened?" I finally asked.
He turned to me, offering me a hand up to my feet "We're thinking it was self inflicted, the stitches weren't dislodged but completely ripped open."
"Self inflicted," I shook my head "no, she didn't do this."
"She does have marks on her arms indicating previous self injury."
"I know she does!" I raised my voice "but she was over that, okay, she didn't do this."
"Grief is a..."
"I know who she was, okay?!" I yelled, frustration and anger bubbling up inside me. I had to go and see Sinjin, I had to know why he did this "I know who she was." I said again.
Victorious
I came into school early that morning, I just wanted to be alone where Jade always used to go. I walked in and instantly saw her locker, there it was, painted black and stabbed by a dozen scissors. I walked up to it, stroking my finger across the metal handle of her favourite pair of scissors.
It felt disrespectful to touch her things but it had to be done, fortunately I knew her locker combo, our anniversary, it had been the same since we arrived at Hollywood Arts, very predictable for someone like Jade. God, she'd kill me for calling her predictable. But that's who she was, she was so unpredictable that every now and again she'd surprise you by doing the "predictable" thing if that makes sense.
Anyway, enough putting it off, gotta open her locker. I took a breath and swung the black painted door open, it looked just like any other high schoolers locker, but it wasn't, it was special, it was Jade's, it was my Jade's.
There was a small circular mirror on the inside of the door, black of course. I caught my reflection in the small mirror, god, I looked awful, I hadn't really made a point of checking myself out in the mirror these last few days, my only priorities were seeing Jade and making sure I didn't fail senior year, my parents would kill me.
I smiled as I noticed stuck up around the mirror were a dozen Polaroid's of of me and her, some with Cat with too, but mostly me and her.
Most of her locker was filled with books and things, not like she needed them anymore, I'll donate them or something, maybe give them to Jade's brother if he even cares that she's gone, doubt it, Jade was just one big screw up to that family, they didn't deserve her, not one bit, the only one who loved her was her mother, at least she was with her now. Although I doubt someone like Jade even believed in Heaven and things, I do at least.
I noticed something taped to the back, I sighed as I pulled it off and saw it was a pack of razor blades.
Jade, no.
I pulled a blade out, curious, but instead of a blade, there was a little note folded up instead.
Huh?
It read "it's okay, things will get better," in blue biro, I smiled, I recognised that hand writing, it was mine. I pulled out another, again, a blade didn't come out but another note, this one said "someone loves you, I promise."
I remembered how I used to sneak little notes into her lunch bag, trying to prove to her that she was loved. Eventually she realised it was me and we started hanging off, she started to trust me, and not long after we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
She kept them though, albeit in a razor box, but she kept them, that was the point. I never really took Jade as the sentimental type, to be honest I even forgot about the notes. I thought she would have thrown these out ages ago, but she didn't.
This was the side of her that I wished she had a chance to show everyone else, Tori especially, Cat had some idea of what Jade's 'softer' side was like but the rest of our group barely even knew anything Jade when it really came down to it.
I took the notes out the box until I was just left with razors and put them in my wallet before throwing the razor blades in the bin.
Victorious
Then came Sikowitz' classroom. I walked in, a dozen memories coming back, including the worst one of all. I closed my eyes, imagining it as if it were happening in front of me all over again
"I said stop it!"
Bang!
I opened my eyes and looked at where it was that she fell, my Jade, now a fallen angel.
There was still a blood stain from where she had fallen, it was clear the janitor had tried to wash it away but it was still visible, I'd been in class since the shooting but when it's packed with chairs and kids everywhere, you don't really notice something as small as discolouration to the carpet.
I looked around the classroom, walking over to our chairs, Jade always had the yellow one, and I had the green one, I remember one time when Jade walked in and Tori was sat in her seat, she literally pushed her off just to get that chair, after all she could have literally chosen any chair but she wanted that one.
I walked up to the stage, smiling as I remembered different times of our acting classes.
"Please run in front of a bus!" I visioned Jade yelling at Tori when we did alphabet improv.
Yeah, that happened on more than one occasion, Jade yelling or grunting angrily on that stage. I chuckled a little, remembering just how feisty my girlfriend was.
"What's an understudy?" Tori asked cluelessly, even I was a little annoyed by that, she was in a performing arts school and yet she hardly knew anything about performing arts, you could empathise with Jade's frustration sometimes.
"Ugh!" Jade growled, throwing a chair at the window.
Victorious
I was about to leave out the back door when I heard the other door open, I turned around, seeing Sikowitz stood there, the lights weren't on and the sun had only just started to rise so the classroom was pretty dark but I could tell it was him.
"Beck?" Sikowitz asked "what are you doing here so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing, Sir." I shrugged.
"Touché," he smiled, sitting on the stage "So, how's Jade?"
At hearing her name, I couldn't take it anymore, I broke "She's, she's gone, Mr Sikowitz, sir." I sniffled, breathing deeply.
"Oh, Beck." Sikowitz enveloped me in a hug as I tried to stay strong "let it out, my dear boy." He patted my back as I sobbed solemnly into him.
Author Note: Sorry guys, I'm not one to give character happy endings. And no, this isn't the end, but it's close ;)
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See you later...
BubbleB98
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