A/N-see the end.


Hello cruel world
Did I keep you long?
You've waited so patiently To torture my soul
To ruin my life
My anguish, your ecstasy
And I've compalianed
But it's to no avail
I've complained
Day after day

-Voltaire, Hello Cruel World


There was a dark, somber tone when he walked in, more so than usual, more so than he had ever seen before. The entire staff was there, each one looking somber and sullen. "What is it?" He asked as he walked in and Jordan stepped forward.

"Garret-" Jordan began and he cut her off with a glare.

"Jordan, what the hell is going on?" She had started walking towards the crypt and he followed her. She took a deep breath.

"Garret-" She started again, opening one of the drawers. He felt the blood drain away from his body as the tray rolled out. Her hand was on him, soothing him and helping to hold him up as his knees buckled beneath him.

She was there, cold, peaceful. His baby girl. He grasped one gray hand tightly. It shouldn't be that cold. It surprised him how cold she was. She looked like she was sleeping, she looked so peaceful, so calm, so quiet. "What happened?" He asked softly, unable to tear his eyes away from the body.

"Her boyfriend called EMS-said she just collapsed. There was an MD at the restaurant, he pronounced her and the cops called us. Garret, I didn't know. I sent Sydney out on the pickup." He stroked the long blond hair, still soft and silky, still smelling of the shampoo that she used.

"Who's doing the-" He couldn't say the word. It would confirm it, mean that his baby girl was gone forever.

"I was going to." She said quietly and he nodded. He could sense the rest of the staff crowding at the door.

"Dr. M-" Nigel began and he finally tore his eyes away from the body.

"Garret-I'm so sorry!" Lily rushed in, unable to stand it any longer, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He accepted the hugs from each member of the staff, thankful for their support, but more than anything, wanting to be alone with a nice bottle of scotch.

Jordan was the last one to file back out of the crypt. "Take you're time, and we're all here for you." She said simply, holding him close for a long minute before leaving him alone. He looked back down at the body, holding her hand. He stared down at her for a long minute before laying a gentle kiss to the lips that felt strangely cold, and closing the drawer, heading back to his office.

Right now what he needed more than anything was a stiff drink. He had gotten halfway through his glass when Blake entered, looking ragged and torn. He poured the boy a measure and they sat there, both drinking in silence. They sat there, stoic only because they were too numb to feel emotion, not because they didn't want to, simply because the reality hadn't set in yet. They sat there drinking, silently commiserating.

Jordan walked in somewhere through their fourth glass, a folder in hand. "What happened?" He asked her and she leaned against the door frame.

"Heart failure due to extreme hypertension." She said and both men looked up at her.

"A heart attack?" Blake questioned and she nodded.

"But she had no symptoms of a heart problem, Maggie and I are both in good shape-" He trailed off, looking up at her. He could see it on her face, there was something she wasn't saying. "What caused it Jordan?"

"Garret-" She began.

"What happened?" He asked again, a cold edge to his voice.

"Hypertension secondary to serotonin syndrome." He thought about it, wracking his brain for where he knew the term.

"Serotonin syndrome?" Blake asked.

"The presence of too much serotonin in the brain, flooding the receptors, is often mistaken for being drunk due to the impaired speech and motor control of the patient, common symptoms are confusion, myoclonus, diaphoresis and in a third of all cases sinus tachycardia and death result." He quoted, remembering the study he had read. Jordan nodded gravely in response. He was amazed that he had remembered that, he didn't know why he did, but he had, he had remembered the article, but now he didn't want to.

He tried to remember the cause of it. "Jordan, what was she on?" He asked and she opened her mouth and closed it.

"Garret-" She began.

"Give me the report." He asked, the tone in his voice leaving no room for argument. She held his glare for one long moment before handing over the folder and he flipped through it. "Tox screen shows amounts of nortriptyline and-" No. He didn't want to believe it.

"Desoxyn." Blake said quietly and he turned on the boy.

"You knew? You knew about it and didn't do anything?" He had pinned the boy by the throat to the wall. "You knew about it, you didn't care, and you let my little girl die?"

"Garret!" Jordan screamed, but he barely heard her. He didn't notice her trying to pry him away, it took Nigel coming in to finally remove his hand from Blake's throat. The boy collapsed, his head in his hands.

"I didn't think it would happen-it's all my fault." Blake sobbed. "I was the one who gave them to her-she just wanted to do well, I started giving them to her, she wanted to be able to stay up all night to study and stay focused on the stuff, and well, they helped with that. I got her hooked. And I didn't even think-she said that she had just switched doctors and prescriptions since she doesn't have Campus Wellness anymore-I should have thought about it, I should have been paying more attention, I shouldn't have shrugged it off, I just thought she was drunk, I was going to laugh at her but then she started freaking out and I started freaking out and the next thing I knew she was dead." The boy was in hysterics, and he had to feel sorry for him, somewhat.

The boy looked like he truly had no clue what was going to happen. "She just wanted to prove that she was something other than a disappointment, that's all she said she wanted to be-and I just shared what worked for me-I didn't think that it would be that bad for her, I've used them for four years and had no problems, I got her hooked, and it's all my fault." Blake continued to ramble on, gasping between sobs.

He looked at the boy, and set his face tightly. "God, Dr. Macy, I didn't mean to kill her, I loved her, I just wanted to see her happy-" He helped the boy up from the ground. Blake looked ready to die himself. He couldn't hate the boy that much, at least Blake knew what he was feeling, somewhat. The boy latched onto him, sobbing into his shoulder and he felt a lump in his own throat growing.

But there was nothing he could say. Instead he just stood there for a long minute before Blake unhooked himself and downed two glasses of scotch in quick succession. "I'm-I'm really sorry Dr. Macy." The boy said before walking out, leaving him alone to down another glass by himself. He wanted to hate the boy but couldn't, the raw emotion in Blake said it all-the boy was truly sorry for what happened, it was something that was going to haunt the boy for the rest of his life.


A/N-C'mon. Did you really think I was going to let it be that happy? No, this is angst. This is something that is going to be pure angst. But of course, I had to build up to something that would be a hard blow. Hence the first 5 chapters. Just a note-Desoxyn is prescription methamphetamine-usually given for severe ADD/ADHD. Nortryptoline is an anti-depressant (for the life of me, I can't remember what the brand name for it is...) that has been known to cause serotonin syndrome when combined with any variation on amphetamine...and, yes, serotonin syndrome is a real and potentially serious problem from when two drugs get combined-most notably anti-depressants and most recreational drugs. I do have to thank the folks over at Bluelight for giving me a hand with a plausible way for Abby to kick it.