I'm sure everyone is still deeply sadden by Cote de Pablo's announcement that she will not be returning to NCIS (I'm so sorry if you didn't know that and I broke the news). I can make no promises that the story will be full of fluff and happiness here on out but I hope that you guys will still enjoy!
-Sam
Sleep didn't come to her that night. It started off with the usual toss and turn, fluffing the pillow and maybe getting up for a glass of water or three. After none of that worked in her favor, Ziva stared up at the ceiling to think. It didn't help. The more and more she thought everything got worse. It was lonely. She was lonely.
Ziva turned to her side and studied Tony's side of the bed. The mattress was shaped to his body and the pillow looked worn out from his sleeping. She imagined him turning to his side the way he did before he would fall asleep. Tony always ended up sleeping on his back but he made an effort to look at her every night before bed. She smiled at that. She missed it already. She missed him.
Ziva turned away from where he used to sleep and stared out the window on the other side of the room. She was freezing but had already tried sealing the air up earlier that night when she went for water. Nothing seemed to work. The draft was always there and Tony was the only one who seemed to be able to shut it successfully. Everything in this house seemed better with him in it. She hadn't put her finger on it yet, but when he was absent the house seemed like nothing. Like she was living in an empty, lonely space.
The autumn wind was picking up outside and the room temperature was dropping. The rain had not come close to letting up either. She pulled the covers up to her face and curled up into her body. It wasn't easy getting warm when she was the only body laying in their bed.
Ziva eventually ended up sleeping in the hollow of his body dented into the mattress. It felt more right and more warm.
She slept, but not well.
Nightmares. Lots of them. It was strange, Ziva never remembered having nightmares like these. She had had them, of course, especially from what she had been through. But they were never like this. Never where she felt she couldn't escape. Couldn't wake up whenever she wanted. It was like she didn't know it was a dream. Like it was real life.
Ziva was running. She felt scared. Something was chasing her and seemed too fast to outrun. It was approaching fast. Faster and faster she ran. Nothing helped because when it caught her she was trapped. In a room, she realized. A locked room. No doors, no windows, no drafts. Alone again.
All she could do was scream.
And scream.
And then she was awake.
She sat up too fast, breathing too hard, and sweating too much. She turned to the clock in a panic.
Seven in the morning.
She recalled what Tony had told her in the car on the way to the airport. You can sleep in while I'm gone too. No getting up early to make me breakfast because I won't stop wining like a child.
I don't mind it Tony, you are my child.
She ignored the advice. She couldn't stand being alone in this bed for much longer. Or was it the room this time? The lines were blurring.
Her first thought was to get breakfast (just like she did for Tony every morning) but her appetite was absent. Instead she found her way to the door of the empty room. It stuck again but she opened it with a little more effort.
It was musty and made her want to cough. She wondered whether it would be a room worth cleaning but it wasn't like she was in the mood for cleaning today. Ziva approached the window which was nice and clear from the rain that still hadn't stopped yet. Her intention had been seeing Tony running up the wet gravel toward the house when she first peered through the window. Now it was look at the rain hit the trees that were almost dead and watching the yard flood. Ziva tried to find the sight relaxing. She made an effort to rest her elbows on the windowsill and her face in her hands and really tried to forget how much she missed Tony and maybe focus on something like the rain.
That worked as well as Abby without her Caf-Pow in the morning.
She was ready to give up when she heard a loud crash swallow up her house. Something told her to hide. To run away. To get away now. But there was nowhere to go. No person to go find. And it dawned on her yet again that she was alone in this house, still. There was another loud boom that brought her to her knees. She covered her ears and crouched beneath the window. She needed something to save her. Someone to hold her.
The walls started to spin when she tried to get up. She remained down, huddled with her knees pressed to her chest and hands over her ears. The last thing she remembered was the flash of light from outside and one last crack of thunder before falling back into sleep.
"Ziva." She heard him say. She felt his hands on her face and the whisper in her ear and then she was back. Back from wherever she had been before.
Seeing Tony as she woke up was something she had been looking forward to for the past few days. It was almost too shocking to believe. Was it really him? And it was. And she was smiling, she felt it. But he wasn't. He looked more bothered than anything.
"Ziva what are you doing in here?"
She stared at him with blank eyes. What the hell was he talking about? She was where he left her for Mexico. Alone in a house.
"Ziva, why are you laying on the floor in here? Get up."
Only when he helped her to her feet did she finally accept that she had been sleeping on the floor in the empty room. It was bright, she realized. She had slept away the whole second day of Tony's absence, plus the night.
"Have you been crying?"
She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes. Had she? And she had. She still was actually. The tears were as plain as day on her finger tips.
"I must have been."
"Are you okay, babe?"
She felt how concerned he was through his touch. She didn't know whether to feel grateful or worried. She didn't know if she was okay or not. She decided to nod. This way Tony wouldn't worry so much and neither would she.
"Yeah...yeah I am fine." She noticed him again. He really was home. "You are here. I am great now."
Ziva tried to kiss him but he didn't really kiss back. He was still worried so she tried changing the subject quickly.
"You are home early."
"Yeah...yeah I am. You know how Gibbs gets when jobs don't get done fast." Tony explained taking her hand. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Tony, I am fine. I must have been tired from cleaning yesterday or something."
He still didn't look too sure but played her game anyway. "Ya'know, I think Gibbs missed that basement of his a little too much while we were in Mexico."
She laughed and kissed him again but only shortly because he started dragging her away.
"How about we go downstairs?"
And they did. Tony saw the kitchen the first.
"Wow Ziva, kitchen looks perfect. Perfect for you to cook me some of those pancakes you made the other morning. Those were so good. You know the ones with the blueberries?"
Ziva stared. How was she suppose to respond? She was blank and confused once again.
"Unless you're not up to it." Tony quickly added.
"No, I would be glad to actually."
She cooked quietly. Tony was just as silent. She was half expecting him to talk about the mission and brag about how quickly they finished because of his special agent detective work. Maybe he would tell her stories that made her smile or an exciting one that would get her interested. She wouldn't feel so alone with him talking to her, she would feel better.
Ziva had nothing to say. It wasn't like anything interesting had happened to her the past two days, and she was still a little confused from waking up in a ball, crying on the floor. So no, she would not be the one to talk this morning.
She finished the blueberry pancakes and made plates to set in front of each of them. She sat down and began eating.
"Did Abby or McGee ever make it over here?"
Ziva shook her head no, swallowing another bite. Her stomach was desperate for food. She hadn't eaten at all yesterday.
"Seems kinda lonely."
Yeah it was. She didn't answer, just kept eating. Tony didn't eat, just kept staring.
"I'm going to go watch TV." He said to replace Ziva's answer. He hadn't even touched his plate, Ziva noticed, even after all that begging he had done for it.
He was almost out of the kitchen when Ziva finally gave in.
"Tony, come back here."
He only looked back at her with an expression that she didn't know how to read.
"Tell me about Mexico."
He carelessly walked back to his chair and sat down to only shrug and say, "Wasn't anything, really."
If there had ever been a time for Tony DiNozzo to brag about himself to her it would be now and he threw away the chance like nothing. He had his chance to talk about Mexico and the Cartel and he shrugged it off like he never even went. Ziva would be damned if she let him go for two days for him to come back and talking about nothing.
"That seems hard to believe." She huffed. Her only response was an eye roll and he was out of his chair again.
"Come watch a movie with me." He suggested, disappearing into the living room. It was shocking how easily he ignored her so well and changed the subject so swiftly.
She sighed loudly, hopefully loud enough for him to hear. Ziva cleaned up her dishes and put Tony's untouched food into the fridge. She met him at the couch and snuggled up next to him. Tony threw his arm around her and kissed her forehead before pressing play.
